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- i'm going as fast as i can! - hang on, willzyx, we'll be in mexico soon! - oh hamburgers, what is that? - all right, out of the truck! - oh-oh! - what the hell is going on? - you're carrying a stolen whale! - stolen? you kids told me you won that whale at pizza hut! - we're busted. - agh! - come on out, kid. - look, i didn't know nothing about this! - just help us get the whale into our truck and we'll all keep quiet about this. - you don't understand. willzyx is from the moon. he'll die if we don't get him back now! - willzyx, you have to talk. come on, boy, you have to! i know you're sick, but you can do it. - look, kid, we need to tell you a little secret-- [siren wailing] - what's going on here? - oh crap. - ooooh, now we're gonna get it. - hey... that's the stolen whale! - everyone down on the ground, now! - no, please we have to go! - you're not going anywhere! you're in a lot of trouble! - but... we were so close.

i'm sorry, willzyx. we tried. - we said down on the ground, kid! move it! [gunshots] - leave those kids alone, you bastards! animal liberation front! [all shouting] - put down that weapon now! - these boys are trying to get that whale home. you're not going to stop them! - all right. - yeah! - that whale belongs to a sea park! - it belongs with its family! - that's right! - i said drop the gun, now! - save the whales! [gunfire] - jesus! oh god! - save the whales, mother [bleep]. - [gunshots] where are you taking the whale? - tijuana, mexico! - of course, brilliant! release it in international waters! i'll drive the truck! - you're going home, willzyx! - mike... mike? - [coughing and sputtering] it wasn't funny.

- don't say that, mike. it was funny. it just wasn't that funny this time. all the other times were still funny, mike. they were still funny! - 45 to dispatch... the stolen whale... heading to tijuana! whale to tijuana! - connecta la segunda cathena. - no se is va alcanzar. - they're on their way, manuel. is the rocket going to be ready? - si, fly. - look, the mexican border! - oh, jesus, they're here! - hold your positions! - ha, we got them! - hang on, boys! - mary mother of god. [all screaming] - get them! - willzyx, i think we're here! - back down the ramp. it's all rigged to go! - you got it, kid!

- don't let them get that whale in the water! - kyle, it's all set to go! just get willzyx into the water! - come on, guys! - stop right now! - hurry boys, we'll take care of them! [grunting & struggling] - hang on. hold on a second! - i guess--i guess this is goodbye, willzyx. i'm gonna miss you. hey, don't forget me, okay? i won't forget you. - oh crap, there's more of them! - get him in the water! goodbye, willzyx! [cheering] - swim, mighty whale! you're free!

- okay, manuel, hit it! - stop! that is my whale! - i'm afraid you're too late! the whale has been set free! - no! - now you see that your ways of captivity and exploiting animals will never prevail! not as long as there are children like these who still believe in the beauty and the magic of freedom. for it is children with their innocence and their spirit who know what is truly best for all the world. [loud rumbling] oh, my god. - we did it! [all cheering] - yay! - hooray! - [playing mariachi music] - [laughs weakly]

- thanks for the ride, manuel. - si, fly. - well, see ya, fellas! i got to get home before my parents wake up! - yeah, me too! - all right, thanks for your help, dudes. - well, we did it guys. it wasn't easy, but we did a really amazing thing. - yeah, i feel pretty awesome right now. - i wonder if he'll ever come back and visit us... - i don't know. but at least from now on, every time we look at the moon we can know that willzyx is up there, dancing with the other zypods in his castle. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com

>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much! thank you for tuning in! thank you for coming out! welcome to it! take a seat. take a seat. i am trevor noah. so good to have you here. my guest tonight is a really fantastic author eve ewing. you're going to love here.

she has a new book out discussing the impact of race on schools. a fascinating subject. but first, let's catch up on today's headlines. high-end fashion has always been about making a statement, and now thanks to prada, that statement can be huh-oh! >> prada is under fire after the high-end fashion house displayed and sold items that some called racially insensitive. >> prada calls them pradamalia, a "new family of mysterious creatures," but tonight there is a backlash over a monkey-like character with big red lips that some are calling racist. historic new york citi' so ho neighborhood removed the characters from the window and lowered the blinds. in a statement the company writes in part it abhooshes racist imagery, they are charms, not intended to have any reference to the real world and certainly not black fast. >> trevor: i knew the devil wears prada but i didn't know he

was the head of marketing. this is how you know there are no black people working in prada. if you had just one black person in management, they would have been, like, guys, guys, guys! and this is a weird one because those things roivel racist, but at the same time they're tiny and adorable. it's like jeff sessions all over again. ( laughter ) aaahhh! ( laughter ) moving on, russia found something new to meddle in. >> in russia, a rap battle is brewing, in one corner the russian president and in the other hip-hop artist. the russian president is weighing in on official efforts to crack down on rap music. he said saturday it is an important part of pop culture but said it needed to be guided by the state. >> trevor: no, no, no, no government should be in charge

of rap, especially a government run by vladimir putin. you will have the first person to lose a rap battle by poisoning. what are you doing? ( laughter ) you guys may think i'm judging putin prematurely but i don't think he should be in charge of running rap because there is actual footage of putin at a rap concert and i'm not sure he is a fan. ( rap music ) ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) >> trevor: oh! oh, man! he's like, i don't wave my hands in the air -- because i do care. ( laughter ) he looks like the worst undercover cop ever, like the russian version of 21 jump street. (russian accent) what's up, my fun loving teenagers? that guy is supercool, right?

( laughter ) cardi b. and offset have had a complicated relationship. they had a child, he cheated on her, she dumped him. actually pretty simple now that i say it out loud ( laughter ) but this weekend offset tried to make things right by doing things very wrong. >> rapper cardi b's estranged husband interrupted her performance to beg her to take her back. rappish offset came on stage last night in los angeles with a bouquet of flowers and a card that read take me back. she didn't seem amused. >> trevor: black musicians really need to work on concert security. i went to a paul simon concert and i couldn't get a water bottle in. mean while, offsetter is walking in? you need new security.

i don't think he should have put cardi on the spot like that especially at her job. some people think it's romantic because it's a big gesture, but this is cardi's job. if she had any other job, this would not be acceptable. if she was an opera singer and offset came in the middle of the performance and she was singing and he jumped in and people would be like, hey, what are you doing? if she were a firefighter, he's there like, hot, hot, hot, cardi, take me back! if she was an air traffic controller, yes, what you need to do is approach the -- cardi -- not now -- people on the plane are, like, we're going down, take him back! ( laughter ) this is not a conversation you need to have in public. it's also not a conversation we want to hear in public. because cardi is, like, baby, i'm sorry, but we're not a -- and offset is probably running

awful saying, cheated, i cheated, whoo! ( laughter ) let's move on to the main story. it is no secret that the trump administration has, like, a lot going on right now -- ( laughter ) first of all, everything trump has ever been involved is being investigated -- his company, charity, presidential campaign, inauguration, his presidency. it's like he has the midas touch but instead everything gold, everything he touches turns to crimes. ( laughter ) while that's going on, big changes in trump's white house. for the past week, the president has been searching for someone to replace his chief of staff john kelly, an man who has endured so much stress it's easy to forget he's only 26 years old. ( laughter ) look at that. hmm? and trump has been getting rejected over and over, over this job. nick ayers said no. chris christie said no. ben carson started to say no, and he should be finished saying

no by christmas. it takes a very long time for him to say things. but finally, over the weekend, trump found somebody willing to take the worst job in the country. >> breaking news, president trump has named mick mulvaney the current director of management and budget as his acting chief of staff. >> trump grew deeply frustrated at the rejections and media narrative no one of high stature wanted to be his chief of staff. so saturday he decided to tap mulvaney. >> trevor: mick mulvaney and mid life crisis harry potter came into the oval office for a meeting about the budget and trump ambushed him with another job offer. he was, like, so about this budget, chief of staff said wha- >> what, sir? >> he said it, folks, legally binding! sounds like he just decided he

the door next. we should be grateful mick mull van iny got the job. he would be like the next one who comes in, congratulations to the next chief of staff, high energy auld on the move. like eric spends his day, eating garbage off the floor, folks. ( laughter ) the reason filling that position is so hard, it's almost impossible to find someone who likes president trump, and it turns out the new guy doesn't either. >> in a matter of days, he'll be donald trump's righthand man, but in the days before the president was elected, it appeared mick mulvaney could barely stand him. >> yes, i'm supporting donald trump. i'm doing so as enthusiastically as i can, even though i think he's a terrible human being. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: oh, man! that is a big jump. from calling someone a terrible human being to becoming their

righthand man. that's the kind of change of heart you only see in romantic comedies. it's, like, i'm the captain of the sports team and she's a dumb nerd. then 80 minutes later it's, like, wow, once i got to know her, she had a vagina. ( laughter ) this made me feel better about mulvaney because i don't think we want anyone working in the white house who doesn't think trump isn't a terrible human being. right? i know that seems weird, but at least we know that mulvaney is normal. yeah, when trump foes for the nuclear football, you want someone reasonable within tackling distance. that's all i'm saying. maybe giving mulvaney this job was trump's form of revenge or something else, either way, it's good that the president was able to fill that role because, turns out, he already has another position he needs to fill. >> breaking news out of the white house this morning, ryan sierchgy is out as secretary of the interior. ryan zinke is stepping down after two years at the agency and 17 separate investigations

into his conduct. white house officials had been pushing zinke to resign for weeks, concerned about the number of investigations the democrat majority house could bring against zincky. >> trevor: donald trump's white house is like the club after midnight. for every guy that comes in, someone else has to leave. trump's white house is exactly like the club, you always wonder when the cops are going to shut it down. it's full of weirdo russians. there's never enough women and when the lights come out everyone wonders why they didn't leave sooner. considering how many investigations trump is facing, it's weird he's firing zinke for being under investigation. a bit hypocritical. (trump accent) too much heat on you, man -- hold on, i'm getting a subpoena -- my reputation is too precious -- hold on, another subpoena -- and -- oh, the feds are here. cover me while i shoot my way out of here! ( laughter ) but no matter how many team join

or leave the white house, donald trump can rest easy knowing he has one guy who is his right or die, steven miller. he's the architect of trump's cruelist immigration policies -- the muslim ban, deporting dreamers, throwing skids in cages, that's all him. if trump is scar face, say hello to his little friend. ( laughter ) this weekend miller was back on tv, talking about how america has to pay for the wall -- emphasis on to pay. >> we're going to do whatever is necessary to build the border wall to stop this ongoing crisis of illegal immigration. this is a very, if it comes to it -- >> trevor: did you catch that? talking about the new border up here. what's going on over there? a bit of a migration happening.

( laughter ) yeah. all weekend, people are wondering what the hell happened with stephen miller's hair. it's like someone said who hates immigrants? his hair says, this guy, up here! ( laughter ) although, i don't think we should be going after miller, right. i think we should g going after his barber sherwin williams. that's who we should be going after. ( laughter ) we should really be going after them. like, seriously, it barely even looks like hair. what is that? who let him leave the house like that? ( laughter ) it looks like he got head butted by stephen segal and it stuck. ( laughter ) i mean, i guess i support stephen miller on this because i'm just happy when he does anything to cover up his face. you just carry on, just go further were that. let's see how far -- yeah, yeah, that's a good looking guy. i like that. ( laughter ) you know what's crazy about this whole situation is that trump

hates it when his people look bad on tv. all right? he hates it when people look weird, stupid, when they get marked, which means this might be the only thing that could get patch adams over here fired. yeah. tomorrow the president's going to call him in, like -- (trump accent) -- i'm sorry, stephen, no place in this white house for someone with dumb hair. roomba, escort him out! we'll be right back! keepers opportunity is everywhere. like here. where nothing stands between you and your best friends. ♪

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more scent plus oxi boost and febreze in every gain fling. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back! welcome back to "the daily show." it's the holiday season, you know, a time you get to hang out with your friends and drink coffee. ( laughter ) and there are a lot of people out there dreaming about a white christmas, but what about a black christmas? for more we turn to roy wood, jr. and another episode of c.p.

time. ( cheers and applause ) >> welcome to c.p. time, the only show that's for the culture. today, we discuss black people and the joyful festive holiday of christmas. so let's start with slavery. ( laughter ) because remember, black people weren't celebrating christmas before that. none of us were on the boat ride over here going fa la la la, deck the halls. ( laughter ) but once in america, many slaves began to see christmas for the blessing it was, a chance to escape while the owners were away for the holidays. the great abolitionist harriet tubman even used christmas to free her three brothers, which may sound good to you, but if i let my sister free me around christmas, i'd never hear the end of it. every year, she would be, like, oh, thank you so much for the

slippers. this is almost as good as the gift i got you last year -- not shackles! and i would be, like, shut up, bernice, you'll ruin the holidays. ( laughter ) of course, music is an important part of christmas, and black people have been covering and improving the classics for years. like "let it snow" by boyz ii men. or do you hear what i hear "by me. here's a sample. ♪ do you hear what i hear sounds like oppression. but some holiday music is tainted with a hint of racism, like the classic syringeal bells, which at first seems like an innocent song about reckless driving, but in 1857, its first public performance was part of a minstrel show sung by a bunch of white dudes in black face, a terrible legacy. that's why every time i see a one-horse open sleigh, i key

that shit for justice. but it's also important to recall the true reason we celebrate christmas. santa. the breakthrough for black santas was in 1943 when one of harlem's biggest department stores hired the country's first black santa claus, which surely was a distraction for customers who didn't know what was going on. i'm sure they was all, like, who's that nigger in the the red jacket talking to my child? after that black santa's look a 70 year l until two years ago when larry jefferson became the first black santa at the white-ass mall of america, a victory for our people, mostly because larry used his discount to get all the black people he knew 20% off, a hero indeed. ( laughter ) but kris kringle would be nothing without the gifts he brings -- the toys. without the toys, santa's just a fat bastard that broke in your house, and, for decades,

manufacturers didn't even consider making toys for black children. and when they finally did, some of them would just paint white dolls black. like this willie talk doll. looks like willie got thrown into a bonfire. but the great thing about kids is they will like whatever you give them because children are not very intelligent. like my favorite toy when i was a youngster was mr. chompy chomp. i played with mr. chompy chomp for hours. i'd make him wobble, talk to me and lose all his teeth. took me 45 years to realize mr. chompy chomp was a stapler, my good friend cornell west told me that. ( laughter ) that's all the time we have for today. i'm roy wood, jr. this has been c.p. time. and remember, we're for the culture. make sure you put my web site up at the end so people can order my compaq disk.

( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: roy wood, jr., everybody. we'll be right back. ♪ cats would do anything for the irresistible taste of temptations treats. what are you doing? hey, check this out. temptations - cats can't resist.

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