t's from me. oh! wow, pencils! -what do they say? -sound it out. sa... sab... sabrin... brine... sab... sabrine... sabrinay. sabrinay. -it says sabrina. -oh! i can't bring your mommy and daddy back, but as long as i'm around, you'll always have a place to keep your pencils. thanks. maybe it's just because i never had a christmas before, but this is the best christmas i've ever had. -me, too. -mm... -(audience applauds) -olivia, ethan, look what i got! (giggles) (sighs) -mr. liberatore: hello? -listen, mr. liberatore, i've given it a lot of thought and i'm not-- well, i'm not coming in to work today. if i have to choose between my career and the people i care about,

well, then i'm sorry, but i'm putting people first. now if you'll excuse me, i have to go spend christmas with the people i love. ♪ (lively sitcom music playing) your digestive system has billions of bacteria, but life can throw them off balance.

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its all included with your amazon prime membership. that's how xfinity makes tv... simple. easy. awesome. i've got a long list. here we go. my daughter, she's getting into gaming. nintendo switch, she can play at home or anywhere. my brother? dji mavic drone. guys love drones. wow, other holidays are gonna be very jealous. do i use a toothpaste that whitens my teeth, or one that's good for my teeth?

now i don't have to choose. from crest 3d white, the whitening therapy collection with new spearmint and peppermint oil. it gently whitens, plus it has a fortifying formula to protect your enamel. crest. healthy, beautiful smiles for life. (music throughout) ♪ si passione. the new fragrance. giorgio armani. well, i guess everything turned out okay. how'd you get her to come back down? let's just say i made her an offer she couldn't refuse. yowza-yowza-bo-bowza! -(awkward silence) -(audience coughs)

well, i gotta hand it to you, even though it didn't work, that letter you wrote was really something. i didn't write that letter. i thought you wrote that letter. -i didn't write the letter. -wasn't me. then where'd it come from? ♪ (festive music playing) (santa voice) ho, ho, ho! well, that sucked. so the letter was actually from her parents? i think it was from santa. that's why there was a "ho, ho, ho" voice at the end. so in the world of this show, there is a santa. no, i don't know, we were all on cocaine. god, i can't believe i spent nine years of my life making that dumb show. it wasn't all dumb, bojack. the episode where sabrina had a black friend really started the conversation about racism. and the episode where ethan looked directly at a solar eclipse really started the conversation about not looking directly at a solar eclipse. yeah.

well, (sighs) anyway, merry christmas. i know, it's really just another day in a year full of days, nothing all that special about it other than the significance we give it, but still, i'm glad i got to spend part of the day with you, bojack. -really? -yeah. hey, um, horsin' around had eight other christmas episodes. if you're not doing anything else today, we could watch another one, i mean, just to see how stupid it is. -yeah? -yeah. but don't talk in the middle of it. -zip! -you can talk a little bit. -don't be weird about it. -okay. todd: hey, after we watch horsin' around, -can we make holiday cookies? -bojack: no. -can we sing carols? -no. -can we roast a christmas goose? -no. -can we play dreidel? -no. -can we get a tree? -no. -doesn't have to be a christmas tree. -still no. -can we be visited by three spirits? -no. -can we be visited by three kings? -no. can we go outside and make snow angels? what snow? it's 72 degrees out. -can we make driveway gravel angels? -no. -can we drink eggnog? -no.

-bourbon and eggnog? -no. -what about just bourbon? -fine. comedy central >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show's the yearly show 2018" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: why, hello, everybody! hello, everybody! and welcome! welcome to "the daily show's" year-end special. i'm trevor noah. and we have a great show for you tonight. thank you so much for coming out everybody. our guest tonight, cohost of "the breakfast club," charlamagne tha god is here,

everybody. we will talk about his new book, "shook one." but, first, this is our last show of 2018. we made it! we made it! ( cheers and applause ) and now-- and now, just so-- just so you guys know. tomorrow was supposed to be our last show, but it turns out i have to get surgery on my vocal chords tomorrow. yeah, you guys know i have been having voice problems, right? well, the doctors said i need an operation on my chords but it has to be tomorrow because medically, the doctors don't want to work on friday. ( laughter ) but please, don't worry about me. it's going to be a very simple procedure. they're going to put a laser in my throat, and be like, bap! it's done. or they're going to be like, bap! sorry, i missed it. again. one more time. you gotta stop moving, man. yeah, i'm going to come back sounding normal or i'm going to come back sounding like jared kushner. either way, we're going to laugh. since this is our final show of the year it's time once again for us to take a step back from covering the news of the day, and look back at everything that made 2018 the year we all want to forget. and we'll start with the one guy who won't let us forget him. president donald j. trump. now, look, now, look, i'm not

going to lie. this year we spent so much time on trump's evilness, that we didn't really get to enjoy one of his most important characteristics, and that is the dude is super weird. ( laughter ) like, seriously, guys, the president is a weird dude. we just never talk about it because it all happens under the evil, right. and when you think it, a lot of evil guys, if you ignore evil part are, also really weird, right. like a lot of the super villains, like the penguin in batman. if he wasn't always threatening gotham you'd be like, hey, penguin. you're a weird dude. what's the penguin shit, anyway? is it a sex thing? were you parents a penguin. if i looked like a penguin, i wouldn't lead into it wearing a tuxedo. i'd wear a different colored shirt. trump is the same way. so for a minute we're not going to pay attention to the bad things he does, right? we're just going to enjoy how weird the president is. so let's take a moment to look back on 2018, the year in trump being weird. ( cheers and applause )

to truly enjoy how weird president trump is, we have to listen to him speak, and not what he says, because that will make you crazy, but how he says it. because all politicians perform when they give a speech, but when trump does it, it's, like, really weird. >> i want to congratulate the north dakota state bi-zon. canada! nevada! hispanic! any hispanic here? i think so. any asians. asian. asian. any asians. donald trump's very, very large brain. nice... nice... nice... you know the windmills. bong, bong, bong. bing, that's the end of that one. the road is no longer a straight shot. it's now wah. keep america great, exclamation point! the democrat party is radical socialism. venezuela. and open borders. >> trevor: what is that?

( laughter ) "venezuela." like, he's speaking and then all of a sudden-- it's like trump is a one-man barbershop quartet. like, he should start his speeches, like, with a pitch. he should just be like... ♪ democrat, socialism venezuela! ♪ democrat, socialism venezuela! ♪ that's why we gotta build a wall ♪ but not a real wall a series of metal slabs ♪ the dude is weird. and here's another thing, did you guys ever notice that whenever he's done using something, he just drops it on the ground? like, he doesn't look for a place to put-- here, take a look. ( laughter ) ( laughter ) >> it's a plan for the whole community. to unify... ( laughter )

>> trevor: no, here's the thing, here's the thing. like, the umbrella, i can sort of get, right. the water bottle. that's quirky. but the microphone,s that's just weird. he takes the mic and he's like, "i guess you just drop it. i mean if the man with the silver tray is not here, you just drop it." ( laughter ) and just randomly leaving things on the ground is going to come back and bite him in the ass, because if trump ever has to run from the wall, which he will have to, mueller can just follow his trail of objects wherever he's hiding. trump will be like, "how did you find me?" he'll be like, "i just followed the trail of staples and umbrellas and n.d.a.s." "oh, the stapler. i was looking for that. thank you. there you go." but here's the number one moment of trump being weird in 2018. it happened in october, right, when we were focusing on the kavanaugh hearings. those were going on, people were protesting in the streets, so we couldn't enjoy the weirdness of this moment. guys, watch this and tell me we are living in the real world. >> yesterday while boarding air force one in minneapolis, the

commander in chief climbing the stairs with what appears to be some toilet paper stuck to his shoe. the top of the stairs, a wave to the crowds below. trump then turns, and it seems like he was finally freed from the pesky piece of paper. ( laughter ) >> trevor: people, the president of the united states got out of a limo and into air force one with toilet paper stuck on his shoe. do you understand how weird this is? ( laughter ) because there's only two ways this could have happened, right? the first way is that president trump wiped his butt in the limo, right? possible, but unlikely. but the other way is that the president of the united states got toilet paper stuck on his shoe in a bathroom, then walked past hundreds of people-- secret service, white house aides -- and no one said anything? no one? he's so weird that everyone saw it and was like, "that's probably his new thing?" ( laughter ) but, honestly, my favorite thing donald trump does that i enjoy when i'm not spending time being terrified is just like-- i don't know, he has a way with words.

>> i know words. i have the best words. ♪ ♪ from the wright brothers to that beautiful orion space cap-sicle. the federal government is con-ducking an investigation. to be the first president to stand with you here at the white house to adregths... >> the wall is under construction. a lot of work has been done. a lot of ren-oversions. if you look at some of them. and he voted for ombamna amnesty. by a sleaze bag lawyer named aviante. assistant secretary jerrar. and surgeon general gerar force base in kuwait, is central command chris response and crisis response. we don't want you to put defensive mishiz, and missiles. significantly beating expectations in the house for the midtowm, and midturn years.

the op-ed published in the failing "new york times" by anonommess, ano... who were kidnapped by boko haram in april of 20,000 14. merry chrissus, everybody. ( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: you know, 2018 was so insane, every day felt 10 years long. for a look at all the stories you can't actually believe happened this year, here's desi lydic, and jaboukie young-white. >> thanks, trevor. jaboukie, wasn't 2018 just a blufer crazy? >> oh, i know. i mean, it lasted forever, and we had to drink a ton just to get through it. it was like a straight wedding. >> i know! wait, but had fun at my wedding, right? >> yeah... >> here's a story that feels like forever ago. hawaii got a false nuclear missile alert. >> wait, that was this year? >> yeah, january. those hawaiians freaked the (bleep) out. >> how doha wines even frack

out? do they just smash those tiny zooey deschanel guitars? >> yeah, that's what they do. >> you know what else, elon musk shooting his car into space this year. >> what! >> i bet even elon musk forgot that happened had year. dude was stoned for most of 2018. >> true, true. and no judgment, i've gotten so stoned i thought how fun would it be to shoot my car into space? and then i got more stoned and i thought how fun would it be to have a car?" ( laughter ) it's like an uber that you own. >> here's another one-- stormy daniels. >> yes, that entire saga started 2k-18. >> that's right. husbands all around america pretending this was the year they first saw stormy daniels. ( laughter ) >> oh, oh, and the thai cave rescue this year. >> trump calling africa shithole countries, this year. >> the 2016 elections, that was this year. >> oh, god, it feels at least two years ago. >> the fall of the berlin wall, this year. >> also, alexander graham bell, inventing the telephone, this year. forget the iphone xs. our boy changed the game back in

april. >> back in january, there were still dinosaurs roaming the earth, remember that? and then they all went extinct in march. >> oh, yeah, the asteroid. >> trevor? >> no more weed before shows. >> thanks, guys. now on its face, on its face, this might seem like a racism. but dulce sloan thinks that there's another issue at play. >> have you been accused of racism just because you called 911 on a black person for no reason? >> he grabbed my ass. >> have you suffered from shame, national humiliation, and severe burns on black twitter? well, it may not be your fault. it may be your sunglasses. ( ding ) hi, i'm dulce sloan, from the law firm sloan, me, and my momma. due to a manufacturing defect, it's been discovered that many sunglasses have a racist filter. instead of normal sunglasses

that block out light from the ultraviolet spectrum, these defective filters turn a normal black man into this scary looking (bleep) right here. >> don't do this shit. i ain't going back to jail. >> i voted for obama! >> so if you or a loved one has called 911 on a black person, it must be the sunglasses' fault. i mean, otherwise, that would mean you're just racist. and we both know that isn't true. >> trevor: dulce sloan, everybody. we'll be right back with more of "the daily show's the yearly show." don't go away. ( cheers and applause ) opportunity is everywhere. like here. where you can explore the world knowing you can always find your way home. ♪

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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show's the yearly show." you know, we found a lot to laugh about in 2018. but it was also a year of outrage, and for a look back at the year in outrage, we turn now to roy wood jr., and ronny chieng, everybody! ( cheers and applause ). >> oh, man. from top to bottom, 2018 was a year filled with outrage everywhere you looked, from cable news to twitter to town halls. people were mad. in fact, i'm outraged right now! >> i'm so angry.

>> quit interrupting me, man! >> i'm sorry! i'm sorry. >> let's look at what pissed us off this 2018, starting with the trump administration and its policy of family separation. this administration had the nerve to not only lock kids in cages but to lie about it every step of the way. hey, trump, i got a message for you-- you want to lock kids in cages? how about you start with your own. how about that, trump! ( cheers and applause ) >> yeah, yeah. lock them up. >> couldn't agree more, roy. couldn't agree more. and here's another equally outrageous moment in 2018-- the dress meghan markle wore at the royal wedding. whoever designed that piece of shit should be ashamed of themselves. it was so boring. this was a royal wed, not a snore-al wedding. okay. when you marry a prince you don't just grab a fitted sheet from t.j. maxx. >> i know, i know. i don't-- i don't really get why that made you so mad, but okay, i can roll with that. i can roll with that. i can roll with that. we all get outraged over different things. i'm so outraged. >> i'm livid! >> i'm so furious, bro, i'm furious!

and here's something else that got me mad, ronny. there were 12 mass shootings in america this year, 12, but no new gun laws! >> none! >> romaine lettuce takes out one person, they shut down all the salads. but guns are as easy to get as chlamydia. >> the (bleep), man, unbelievable. our lawmakers aren't listening. they need to get their ears checked, just like the idiots who said they were hearing the word yanny when we all knew they were saying laurel. what the (bleep). >> ronny, that is not really on the same level of the issues i'm discussing right now. i'm talking about gun violence. you're talking about some stupid meme. >> a stupid meme? you're talking like a real yanny right now. >> what the (bleep) is a yanny? just shut up. dude, there were real issues that year, real important. saudi arabia murdered a "washington post" journalist, and our government is fine with it! how! how are you fine with that? >> roy, roy, of course i'm outraged about that death. just like i'm outraged about the death of the relationship of justin theroux and jennifer

aniston. they were perfect together! i know you're with me on that one! >> no, i'm not! i'm not with you on that. just shut up just shut up, please. i'm not with you. >> man, this is some classic yanny shit. >> shut up about yanny! who is yanny? and i don't know who yanny is! stop bringing up yanny. ronny, i came into this segment today because i thought there was no way i could feel more outraged than i feel right now, but you've proven me wrong which brings me to my last outrage. people who get outraged about shit that doesn't matter. the world is on fire, ronny. get off twitter and get out in the world and make a damn difference! ( applause ) >> wow, roy, that's fine. i also had a last outrage that i didn't get to spend enough time with the people i care about. but i guess-- i guess that wasn't outrage enough for you.

( crying ). >> ronny, ronny, come back. ronny, ronny, i'll be a laurel. ronny, i'll be a laurel. i'm sorry. back to you, trevor. ronny, come on, bro! ronny! >> trevor: ronny chieng and roy wood jr., everybody. all right, let's-- let's move on to hopefully a less-emotional take on 2018. please welcome our very own michael kosta, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) >> thanks a lot, trevor. you know, i'm a lot of things-- a son, a brother, probably a father-- but most importantly, i'm a michael. ( laughter ) so for my year-end look-back, i'm going to focus on all the tremendous news made by people named michael. yes, 2018 was a year dominated by the michael community, from actor michael b. jordan, who blew everyone away in "black panther;" to hurricane michael, who blew everyone away, period. ( laughter ) but which mike made the biggest spike? well, let's find out with

michael kosta's top michaels of 2018. sponsored by michaels. need a popsicle stick and some styrofoam in the shape of a (bleep) cone, or whatever? and you're also a hermit who hasn't heard of amazon? then go to michaels. ( laughter ) all right, coming in at number five, we've got michael wolf, who kicked off 2018 with "fire and fury," his salacious trump white house tell-all that was an instant bestseller ,totally eclipsing my book, "kosta's rafta pasta, 10,000 jamaican spaghetti recipes you didn't know you needed," man. at number four, it's world's most annoying lawyer and mobster caveman, michael avenatti, who made headlines representing adult film star and former trump mistress, stormy daniels. now, despite never actually winning a case for his client, michael a. spent 2018 making appearance after appearance pretty much anywhere that would have him. avenatti started the year unknown and ended up on

television all the time. and what we tv professionals called a "reverse matt lauer." and the number three michael, it's a 1996 john travolta classic "michael." i watched it 45 times this year. and let me tell you, it does not hold up. ( laughter ) in the number two spot slot, it's former trump attorney michael cohen. yes, he's going to jail for three years, but he might also bring down a president. in my opinion, that would make him the michael jordan of michaels. and that brings us to the moment we've all been waiting for-- the michael of the year. ( clears throat ) ( laughter ) oh, dang, my electric bill was very high this month. but the top michael of 2018 is... "daily show" correspondent michael kosta?

( cheers and applause ) what? that's right. from his super viral "year in michael" segment to his beloved and sophisticated social commentary, michael k. truly made 2018 his bitch. so here to present the "best michael" award-- or emmy-- is netflix's own trevor noah, ladies and gentlemen! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: seriously? >> yeah, come on. >> trevor: you must be so proud. >> oh, hell, yeah, i am. thank you so much, everybody! oh, thank you, trevor! thank you, everybody. i want to thank my-- i want to thank michael jackson. i want to thank michael johnson. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ gll michae>> trevor: michael ko, everybody! everybody! we'll be right back!

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