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- it's the bottom of the last inning here at coors field. the score is south park 23, denver zero. strike one. - come on, denver. get the lead out. do not cross the bat daaadd. - jeez, i really wish this guy would shut up. - why don't you just go home, south park? you can't beat denver. - denver sucks ass! - come on, south park. these kids can't play!

in fact, these kids are terrible. - strike two! - oh jesus, we're gonna win. i've never won a sport before. this is so exciting. - it's over, denver. south park whooped your ass. - you better shut your mouth before i shut it for you. - what do you wanna do, huh? - [growls] - this can't get any worse. [grunting] - now for the finishing move! you're about to be bat-dadded. - oooh! - it all comes down to this. south park is just one pitch away from being state champions. - oh, jeez, it looks like two parents are fighting. they better be careful.

the little league has a no-tolerance policy. - stop! stop, or you're gonna get your teams disqualified. - disqualified? - fight. keep fighting. - break it up. break it up. [slow motion yelling] - that's enough. the next person that fights is getting his team disqualified. - he's done for anyway. [heartbeat pounding] - come on, dad, get up. get up! you have to fight! - all right, come on, let's play ball. - ran-dy. ran-dy. ran-dy. - get up, rock! get up, ya bum! - get up, randy! - fight, fight for me! - ran-dy! ran-dy! ran-dy! [chanting continues]

- hey, bat dad. i didn't hear no bell. - yeah! - [grunting] - stop! stop right now! - ♪ i'm the best around... ♪ ♪ nuttin' budda humma dumma hey ♪ - i'm warning you, sir. - ♪ i'm the best arounnddd ♪ boom. - that's it. that's it. south park is disqualified. all: yeahhhh. all: aawwww. - south park has been disqualified from the game. denver wins. - we lost! [groaning] - we...we lost? - what? what, i thought it was a free country. - dad. you're the greatest. - ♪ you're the best around ♪ ♪ nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com

♪ you're the best around ♪ ♪ nothing's gonna ever keep you down... ♪ ♪ fight to the end 'cause your life will depend ♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: thank you! thank you! welcome to "the daily show," i'm trevor noah! ithank you for tuning in.

our guest tonight, marc mauer is here. marc mauer is going to be joining us. he is the executive director of the sentencing project and co-author of a facscinating new book about abolishing life sentences. so we're going to be chatting to him about that. but before that, let's catch up on today's headlines. allergies, they affect the lives of many bitch-ass americans. but according to a new study, the most common affliction is hypochondria. >> surprising results from a new scientific survey of more than 40,000 americans. a study finds while one in five people said they had a food allergy, only about 10% of americans actually have symptoms that suggest a real allergy. thedata suggest while 50 million americans think they have food allergies, only about 26 million actually do. >> trevor: i knew it! half of americans who think they have allergies aren't allergic to anything. yeah, the only thing you gluten free mother (~bleep ) are allergic to is a good time! that's all it is!

i'm allergic to giewten! i'm allergic to gluten! ( applause ) ( laughter ) i'm not blaming americans. i'm blaming the doctors who diagnose them. i was told i'm allergic to piece. it's not true. i eat them every day. i'm fine. but seriously, food allergies in africa aren't a thing. it's because rashes are impossible to detect when you already have ebola. ( laughter ) more health news. >> a new federal rule requires every hospital across the nation to post standard charges online for every item and every service they provide. in the past some hospitals have posted on small lists or asked patients to contact their healthcare provider for pricing. but you can see here, look at this long list. now a requirement for every hospital, and they'll have to update the list at least once a year. >> trevor: yes, yes, yes, finally, american hospitals now have to tell you their prices in advance, which is a huge

improvement. hospitals are the only places that can surprise you with prices. you go in, get the surgery, then three weeks later, you get an i norms bill. imagine if you order chipotle and the next month you get a bill for $80,000. you would be, like, what? if i had known that, i wouldn't have gotten extra guacamole! what the hell? i hope this is getting america's healthcare care under control. i had an appendix surgery after i got here. i said for that price you should have let me die. i could have sent myself to medical school, took out my own appendix, charged myself $80,000 and i would be rich! ( applause ) this is a step forward. moving on, this week is the consumer electronics show in las vegas, ces, where tech companies showcase the latest in futuristic nightmares. this year hasn't disappointed.

>> while the consumer electronic show is set to take las vegas by storm this morning. one computerized companion won't be there. a self-driving tesla model s mows down a robot in the street. this robot's damage will prevent him from appearing in this year's show. >> trevor: wow, a self-driving car mode down a robot pian. as humans, we're so narcissistic. we assume when the robot apocalypse comes, we assume they will come after us. we never realized they probably hate each other as much as we do. the car probably saw the robot and said, hey, wally, kill yourself! your momma was a roomba! ha ha. or does it look like the robot was trying to get hit by the car? he's probably got an insurance scam going. ow, ow, got me! going to show up to the court with a neck brace. i have been unable to work and

support my wife r wife and three toasters! ( laughter ) moving on to our top story. ( cheers and applause ) as you probably know by now, president trump gave a nationally televised prime time speech tonight about the government shutdown. but we are taping this show before trump's speech airs. so as i'm speaking right now, i don't know anything about the speech. you see, i am from the past. and from the past, i'm going to make a prediction about trump's speech. i predict he's going to say america needs the wall because there are guatemalan, drug-teaing mexican terrorists trying to sneak into america to dance on rooftops with alexandria ocasio-cortez. not good. ( laughter ) i also predict the color of spray tan the president chooses to wear. you see, because it's winter -- ( laughter ) -- because it's winter -- these are not penises, this is is a

nose. ( laughter ) everyone is like, is that a pennies? i'm tired of looking at pennies. see, because he it's winter, he doesn't want to go too dark, but because it's a formal event, he needs color. i don't think he'll go with this pale. so i'll go with old traffic cone. so if you're watching the show, check out twitter for the results. anyway, we'll dig into the president's speech and the democrats' response tomorrow unless something funny happens. but now with the shutdown stuck in a stalemate the phrase everyone is talking about is national emergency. >> the president has warned he might declare a national emergency, going around congress to get his border wall built. >> president trump is prepared to do what's necessary. >> we have a national crisis. >> we can call a national emergency because to have the security of our country, absolutely. no, we can do it. i haven't done it. i may do it. i may do it. ( laughter ) >> trevor: isn't it comforting to have a president who always sounds like a guy on a ledge? i'll do it, man.

don't come any closer. i'll do it. i'll do it. all i wanted was a wall. nobody listened, man. i'll do it. ( laughter ) but that's right, trump claimed that as president he can claim illegal immigration as a national emergency and he doesn't need congressional approval to build the wall, he can do it himself. bell, not himself, he's never done manual labor in his life. it would be a disaster. what's this, again? that's a brick, mr. president. do i eat it? mr. president, didn't you work in construction all your life? i only talk to the guys in the hats and they make the buildings go high high. ( laughter ) he never does anything for himself. he probably never jacks himself off. he calls the butler. shall we begin with the lotion? no, jeez, let's go dry. shall i fantasize with you? yes, jeez, two girls kissing. very hot, sir, very hot.

( laughter ) it's not like the president hasn't declared national emergencies. for instance, president carter declared a national emergency during the iranian hostage crisis to put sanctionons iran. president obama declared an emergency during swine flu to get a vaccine. and president bush declared a national emergency when "friends" went off the air. presidents declare national emergencies all the time. what they don't do is declare an emergency just to win a policy fight with congress. to the question we need to answer is, is trump even allowed to do this? >> can president trump declare a national emergency to build the border wall with mexico? in a word, yes. what is actually considered a national emergency? that's where the legal language gets stickier. in 1934, the u.s. supreme court

said basically the situation should be urgent and infrequent, really big -- like on the scale of a natural disaster -- and not reasonably expected or anticipated. >> trevor: yeah, so for something to be considered a national emergency, the supreme court ruled a situation must be urgent, infrequent, and unexpected. basically, america should have a urinary tract infection. ( laughter ) and if you think about it, none of these thinks apply to illegal immigration, which has been more of a steady, constant drip. okay, still needs to be checked out, but it's not an emergency. ( laughter ) the problem is the supreme court doesn't get to weigh in immediately, right. trump can declare a national emergency, and the moment he does, there are all sorts of things that he can do. >> many of these powers are really quite gnaw row, reasonable, but some of them seem like the stuff of authoritarian regime, so there are powers that would allow the president to shut down communications facilities and to freeze americans' bank accounts

or to deploy the military domestically. >> trevor: okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. it's one thing to freeze out bank accounts or send troops to our houses, but shutting down communications? that means trump could turn off the internet, like instagram? how am i supposed to get sponsorships now? you think i'm going to walk down the street yelling at people about my juice cleanse? hey, you want to poop like me? drink this! i would sound like a crazy person. come on, trump. ( applause ) this is serious power, people! listen to it, it sounds really undemocratic. when you think about america, you don't think about an autocratic ruler. you think of pickups and restaurants named after boobs. freedom, baby. but if congress was going to give a president these powers, you would think they would be very specific about how the president could use them. if you thought that, you would be wrong. >> congress chose consciously not to include a definition of

national emergency. the idea behind emergency powers is pretty simple. it's the idea that the laws that ordinarily apply might not be sufficient in the case of emergency, and if you have a true crisis that's unfolding so quickly that congress doesn't have time to react to it, then you might need to have some standby authorities that give the president more flexibility. >> trevor: ah, that actually makes sense. congress can't say what every emergency situation might be in the future, so they leave it vague because what countss an emergency is different for different people. right? for some people, an emergency is black people barbecuing, right? for other people, waiting for those three dots in a text message is an emergency. are you up or not?! ( laughter ) so congress left it open to interpretation because they assumed the president would be somebody responsible and trustworthy and potty trained. ( laughter ) they didn't think there would be a president trump, which is why they left such a big loophole,

which goes back to what we have been saying about trump for a very long time -- he's basically the black light on american democracy, right? you realize there were all these flaws in america that nobody ever noticed before he showed up, and then all of a sudden it was, like, oh, bam! oh, wow! what is that? oh, the president -- the president doesn't have to show his tax returns. oh, and the president doesn't have to divest from his businesses. and, holy shit, he might be able to pardon himself. that's crazy! and what is that down there? that's just a mustard stain from when thomas jefferson signed -- he signed the most important document with his lunch. that's weird. that's not trump's fault. so thanks to trump, we've learned that, during a national emergency, a president can do way more than build a wall -- shut down the internet, send the troops in, he can control the country. so if i were the democrats, i would give trump the wall before he finds out what he can really do. i know it sounds crazy, but now

he's like the baby from the incredibles. he only knows that he can float. we do not want him finding out if he can shoot lasers out of his eyes. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) but they can be welreally expensive. a puppy, so to save money i just found them a possum. dad, i think he's dead. probably just playin' possum. there he is. there's an easier way to save. geico. fifteen minutes could save you

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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." last month -- last month our very own michael kosta brought us a surprising report on how the world's most neutral country is also among its most heavily armed and, tonight, he continues his exposé with the second report from the biggest shooting festival on earth. >> no, this isn't a green screen, this is real, disgusting switzerland, a new central country full of non-combative chocolate-eating yodlers. and they're also full of -- guns. ( bang ) in my previous report i trained with firearms expert mikko. mikko, look, i shot holes in the

swiss cheese. you get it? i put the -- ( laughter ) i learned when it comes to gun culture, switzerland has a few more regulations than america. and thanks to these gun regulations and strict ammunition controls, switzerland has a murder rate of nearly zero. sure, that's a great statistic, but how safe can it really be? to learn more about their gun culture, i attended the world's largest annual shooting festival right here in -- holy (~bleep ), that's a lot of guns. even that baby has a gun. there's not enough training in the world to prepare me for this, so i brought my two secret weapons, my translator pierre and my super manly rock-hard american vest. >> why are you wearing a pussy vest? >> what did he say here? >> pussy vest. >> oh, that's funny, pussy vest. why aren't you wearing a pussy vest? people are walking around with guns

( gunfire ) >> because it's safe. >> what is that? they're shooting. >> they're shooting over there, not here. >> how many accidents have happened here? >> nein. >> nine? >> no, no, no. zero. >> trevor: i thought you said nine. >> nein. it's a german language. >> in united states, america, this is dangerous. but in switzerland, we have tradition. we have rules, and this -- we have rules! >> what kind of rules let little kids participate in this glock toberfest? you love shooting. >> yes. >> so it's like yoga. >> yes. >> they also throw booze into the mix. >> it's a national party. >> here comes the beer. let's let the beer walk through. rifles and beers. >> we have the people and the friends and la, la, la, la, the

beer. we make the -- (makes sound), it is finished. >> guns and beers. this is an american wet dream. but something is different in this country. >> we respect guns, and if you respect it, it's not a problem. >> why should i listen to this drunk swiss roll? >> i was president for five years -- >> you're telling me i'm having beer with the former president of switzerland? >> yes. >> cheers. nowhere else could a former president be surrounded be thousands of firearms with no security. how could we get america to feel this safe? >> that's your problem. >> that's my problem. ( applause ) well, that's as neutral as it gets. but it is our problem. they can shoot gun, drink beer and no one gets hurt. in america, something like this could never happen. i decided to embrace this culture and hang with the only group that would let me in. wow, you guys have ar-15s

here. meet the shooting society. it was time to show these swiss fondues how americans shoot guns. i missed? >> you missed, yeah. >> how did i miss? ( speaking in foreign language ) >> what do you know? you're ten years old. you probably never even kissed a girl. ever take your gun to school? >> no. >> no? >> we're not american. >> you're not american. >> no. >> okay, i can say that but he can't. (~bleep ) twist kids, huh? for swiss kids, life with guns is very different. >> nothing happens. it's not like in the u.s. where you have those mass shootings. >> your son, when he goes to school, he just has to worry about school. >> yeah, catching the bus on time. >> unlike america, switzerland found a way to peacefully co-exist with firearms. ( gunfire )

and one of the main reasons is while these gun owners may be loaded, it's actually illegal for their guns to be loaded when not in use. >> we've got beer, we've got guns, we've got boos. i feel like i'm growing another testicle down here. so, america, if we're going to insist on being a nation of gun nuts, we can at least try to swiss things up. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: michael kosta, everyone. we'll be right back. [ sirens blaring ] what do you want?

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the specific director of the sentencing project, one of the united states leading criminal justice reform organizations and co-art of the new book "the meaning of life: the case for abolishing life sentences." please welcome marc mauer. ( cheers and applause )