s it, girls. no more disney tv for a while. - tom, the disney jonas brothers 3d television special has failed, costing the disney company millions, and once again, mickey is pissed off and throwing a fit. - vengeance is mine. you are all ants and i am your destroyer--ha-ha. - the disney "purity ring" venture will most likely now prove a marketing bust as mickey returns to valhalla to slumber and feed. - aw, ken, look what we've become. we're way too young to be this boring. - okay, i'll put in grey's anatomy. - no, i don't want to watch grey's anatomy, ken. let's take off these rings, ken. - take off the rings? we can take off the rings? really? - let's take 'em off and just be kids again! there'll be plenty of time to wear rings and be boring and lame when we reach our late 30s and we're boring and lame anyway. - yeah, screw these things!

- oh, i feel better already! - me too! - what say you and me go to t.g.i. friday's? - woo-hoo! - and so... as we commit this young child to the earth, let us all be reminded that syphilis is still a deadly disease and it can be caught even if using protection. this young boy learned the hard way... - i told him. "woman's mouth is the most germ-ridden place on earth," i said. "statistically the most unsafe place for a man to put his penis," i said. - well... now we know. - and knowing is half the battle. ♪ i can't wait 'til the day i kiss you ♪ >> trevor: from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, in is the "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause).

>> trevor: oh wow, wow! thank you so much. thank you so much, everybody. welcome to the daily show, welcome to the daily show, i'm trevor noah, take a seat, take a seat, teak a seat, tack a seat, welcome to it welcome to it. tonight, tonight we are joined by the master mind behind the hit show drunk history. derek waters is here, everybody. we have a really exciting season coming up. we're also going to be catching up on the big news in the russia investigation and we'll find out which democrats are getting too the ring with trump in 2020. but first let's catch up on today's headlines. teaching, its he's not an easy job unless you are a gym teacher. because then you can hit the

kids, yeah they call it dodge ball but we all know the truth. anyway, educators in america are not compensated fairly which is why this happened. >> tens of thousands of teachers in los angeles are expected to strike this morning in the nation's second largest school district. educators are demanding more counselors and librarians, plus a full-time nurse nev ree school in addition to salary negotiations. talks broke down friday and were not renewed over the weekend. >> trevor: that's right, teachers in the nation's second largest school district are striking. so if you are in l.a. expect to hear some grammatically correct chants. what do we want, more pay. from whom do we want said pay? one at a time, please, raise your hand. (laughter) now i'm not going to lie, i'm not going to lie strks hard not to be on the teacher's side in this dispute, firstly because i don't think teachers ever get paid enough. and secondly they're also asking for more school counselors and one nurse per school.

that is like the most reasonable list of demands i have ever heard. like i wish bank robbers were this reasonable. it will be like i'm not going to release the hoss tajes until you open up another teller window and also i want the chain on the pen to be long enough to reach the thing i'm trying to write on. just a long enough chain. >> not a chance shall not a chance. kill some hostages, then we'll talk. moving on, some news on instagram. st where anyone can be a model, you know, all you need is an ass and a dream. and now there is a new insta-star. >> for nearly a year kylie jenner has held the record for the most liked photo on instagram. it was this one here, the first photo of her daughter stormy it has been liked a whopping 18 million times. many thought that could never be topped but that was before world r0rd egg. an account with that very name posted this single photo, a picture of an egg. the caption reads let's set a world record together and get the most likes posted on instagram, social media users accepted that challenge.

egg not only beat jenner's record of 18 million, it you were crushed it. the egg currently has 26 million likes and counting,. >> trevor: the egg has 26 million likes and counting, bow down to your new queen. this is egg-sighting. this egg is so popular they actually just announced that it is going to be hosting the oscars. yeah, which i'm really happy about because they have never had an egg before-- and if you-- sorry, hold on, sorry. oh, sorry, i'm being told the egg has been forked from hosting the oscars. apparently they just found the egg's old tweets. really, really sad. (laughter) so congratulations, egg. you are the new champion of social media. i hope you enjoy your time at the top bus soon you will find out that instagram fame is over easy. (laughter)

moving on to some news from china. they have not been having a good time recently, right. their economy is in trouble. their infrastructure is crumbling and their generals haven't invented a new chicken recipe in like 50 years. but over the weekend they got some good news that sent them over the moon. >> china has landed a space craft on the dark side of the moon and now we're all getting a chance to see what it looks like, here is part of a 12 minute video that the chinese national space administration released. there study the moon's terrain while it is there and bring back a sample here to earth. >> trevor: that's right, china just became the first nation to land on the dark side of the moon. and this is a big deal because this is the side of the moon that we never get to see. unless you give it a few drinks and bring out the hex within ex-wife and the moon gets dark legal quick it may be a difficult concept to grasp but because of the way the moon are taits as it circles the planet, there is a whole siefd the moon that we have never seen from earth it is like the left side

of mariah carey's face, yeah, it is never facing us. we don't know what is on the other side. the question, the question now is-- what will china find? everyone wants to know what is. there my guess is the far side of the moon is where they hide the move wree set where they faked the original moon landing. think about it. all right, and finally, big news from the world of sports. the saints, the rams, the chiefs and the patriots are all moving on to the conference championships. and while these teams are moving on, chicago is stuck in the past. >> chicago, still reeling, the game from codee parky missed field goal in the playoff game knocking chicago out of the playoffs. so much in fact a chicago brewery sponsder the parky challenge where 101 people lined up and attempted a 43 yard field goal. >> fan after fan continued to try to kick their way for a successful field goal.

many of them faulting down or kicking the stands in the process. >> trevor: whoever came up with this idea is a genius. you know why, you know why, because sports fans always act like they could have won the game, right, when they are barely winning in life. people sitting a at home, you idiot you should have passioned the ball earlier, goddam it it, mom, my hand is stuck in the pringles can again. (laughter) i think we should do this for everything. everyone that has too much of this when they don't do the job, be like oh, that pilot's landing was horrible. all right, why don't you take the controls. >> if i was soar i would have gotten it in the head. it is funny you say that because he is thanos is there right now, why don't you take that axe and prove it. >> i would but my hand is stuck in this pringles hand. but easily my favorite attempt at a field goal was this one.

(laughter) oh man. the bright yellow vest was not the protection that man needed. and now his balls have a concussion. all right, let's move on to our main story. today marks the 24th day of the government shutdown. and every day the situation is getting worse. this is the longest shutdown in american history. airports are shutting terminals, court cases are being delayed, and to make ends meet mount rushmore has been forced to sell ad space to guy co. now-- geico. now polls have shown that 55% of the country blames president trump for the shutdown. and the other 45 percent have clearly never seen this video. >> i am proud to shut down the government. >> trevor: right. but it if losing the shutdown battle isn't bad enough for trump, the news that came out this weekend has probably made

him feel even worse. >> another shocking report in "the new york times," the paper claimed the fbi opened a counterintelligence investigation into whether the president was acting on behalf of the russians when he fired fbi director james comey. last night on fox news the president asked point blank whether he worked on behalf of russia. >> are you now or have you ever worked for russia, mr. president. >> i think it is the most insulting thing i've ever been asked. >> trevor: how is that the most insults question he has ever been asked. i mean people have been asking him if he wants to bang his daughter, but that is more insulting? yeah, the other question was way more reasonable. i mean we've all seen her, right, we've all seen her. but yes, "the new york times" reported that the fbi investigated donald trump because they thought he might be a secret russian spy. which i'm sorry, is just crazy. not because he woon do it, but because donald trump would be the world's worse spy, no one would hire him, right?

he can't be a spy, he doesn't even have an inside voice. he would be out there like thank you for meeting me, under this bridge to exchange the top secret documents. and also, spies are known for blending in. if there is one thing trump doesn't do it's blend in red tie, orange skin, blond hair. the only thing that blends in is in the jar of star burst, he's not blending in. so i don't think trump is a russian spy. all right. but i won't lie, it doesn't help his case when he's doing stuff like this. >> a bombshell report in the "washington post" claiming president trump went to quote extraordinary lengths to conceal details of his conversations with russian president a putin. the post reporting that at that private meeting in hamburg back if 2017 the president confiscated his own interpreter's notes, shutting out members of the administration. >> trevor: now you got to admit, that is real shady,

right. because now everyone wants to know, what did he say to putin that was so bad he couldn't let anyone else see it. could have been collusion. could have been something worse. like maybe trump said i love you. (laughter) and then put inreplied, thank you. in which case i'm with trump, you can never let that get out. but enough about trump, enough about trump. let's talk about the people who are going to try and replace him. because i don't know if you guys know this but it's only 659 days until the 2020 election. i know. i know-- (applause). >> trevor: that's like tomorrow. that's like tomorrow, guys. so the big question is, which democrat will take on trump? well, we're going to be keeping you up to date on every twist and turn of the crowded democratic race in our new segment world war d. so as of right now there is

about a thousand democrats who are expected to run for president. and i will be honest with you, you know what i love about american politics is that st all a game, right, most of the people the politicians who stn a real chance of wing, they don't enter the race early, st always the fringe no names who announce their candidacy first. it always reminded me of a dance circle at a party. you ever go tie company party or anything way dance circle, the first people who go in, are the people who have no business dancing if public. they have all the confidence in the world, they get in, they have all those moves and the good dancers stand on the side and they will be popping and locking and doing their thing, and you will be like hey, are you going to dance, i don't know, no, i don't really dance any momplet i just-- yeah, i don't-- i don't really-- i don't really dance. i'm-- we'll see what happens, you know, well a he see how it goes. that's what always happens. and because the election is around the corner, the fringe dancers are jumping straight in.

>> hawaii congresswoman tulsi gabbard go seek the democratic nomination for president in 2020. >> gabbard towted her work for her father's antigay organization in the early 2,000 promoting controversial conversion thrpee. her views on lgbt right have shifted dramically in recent years n a statement to cnn she says she regrets her positions from the past. >> she may also have real problems with her ties, a secret meeting with president assad and denying that assad was behind a chemical weapons attack, a murderer, so that i think may be even a bigger issue. >> trevor: wow. so she's got an antigay past and she definded bashar all assad strks like she is one more controversy away from getting no votes in the democratic primary, like her coming out like well, the last four years have i been dating an ar-150. free harvey weinstein, free harvey weinstein. but the truth is, this year is special. because we're not just hearing

from candidates who make you say who the hell is that. we're also hearing from candidates who make you say, remind me who that is again. >> former housing secretary julian castro picking kicked off his campaign for president in his hometown of san antonio texas. castro was mayor of san antonio before he joined the o obama administration. >> this community is a community like so many others across the nation. the american dream is not a sprint, or even a marathon. but a relay. together we will show that hopes can be figurer than fear, that life canning bigger-- light can be bigger than darkness and truth can be bigger than lies. and as long as we work for t tomorrow will always be better than today, so let's go work, vomanos. (laughter). >> trevor: is it just me or does castro sound like he went to the obama school of speech. (laughter) like same cadence, same

delivery, maybe it is obama. (laughter) like maybe he just got fed up and he was like screw t i will run again. just give me my hispanic mask and i will do it. and they're like sir, no one will fall for, that and he said that is what you said about my birth certificate, let's do it. come on. (applause) now although, although he is a long shot, castro could be a real contender. he is a real contender. is he young but he also has washington experience. he is a progressive person who is running on universal pre-k and affordable college. his dad probably wasn't fidel castro, i mean, these are all the things you want in a candidatement but aside from gabbard and castro, we've also gotten an announcement from one of the biggest names in politics, elizabeth warren. and she celebrated her announcement with a live intra gram chat from inside her

kitchen. >> senator elizabeth warren becoming the biggest name in the democratic field to signal she's running for president. >> now looking to reintroduce herself to democrats. connecting with supporters on instagram. >> hold on a section,-- secretary, i'm going to get me a beer. my husband bruce is now in here. you want a beer? >> no i'll pass on the beer for now. >> you sure. >> yeah. >> so this is my sweetie. >> hello. >> he's the best, thank you for being here. >> pleasure. >> i'm glad you are here. (laughter). >> trevor: i don't always drink beer but when i am trying to look relateddable, do i it on instagram. that was an interesting choice, though, right. it really san interesting choice for warren, just drinking alone in her kitchen. i guess she wanted to start her campaign the same way hillary ended hers, you know? oh!

oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! who made that joke? (laughter) all rightk he got my steps in. so as it stands, in the past month three democratic candidates have thrown their hats in the ring. thanked means the 2020 race has officially begun. it's only january, right. you realize if there are this many candidates now, that means by the summer this field will be more crowded than chuck and nancy at a podium, you understand that, right. and ultimately the truth is the candidate who manages to get through a primary campaign this packed is going to be the one with the strongest and most passionate base of supporters. so what i am saying is don't be surprised if the democrats 2020 nominee is the instagram egg. we'll be right back. #r

♪ chili's 3 for $10 makes dinner so easy ♪ ♪ everyone in your family is only $10 bucks ♪ ♪ even your kid's friend who's always around ♪ ♪ at $10 bucks a head, trevor can stay ♪ ♪ 3 for $10 bucks, baby, bucks, baby, bucks ♪ mmm-hmm... ♪ oh baby, 3 for $10 bucks, ♪ ♪ baby, bucks, baby, bucks ♪ announcer: 7:35 remaining... tatum, with the drive... ( ♪ )

...and slams it down! ( ♪ ) ( ♪ ) gatorade studies the best athletes to create the most advanced range of sports fuel. gatorade. you fuel us. we fuel you.

♪ you'this january 18th-24th, would like to say, "thank you." enjoy a free week of movies on us- from networks like epix, lifetime movie club, hallmark movies now, and history vault. just say, "show me movie week." that's a full week of your favorite hit movies on your tv, online, or on the go with the xfinity stream app. [shouting]

it's all on us, and it's all coming soon. you've got some serious watching to do. but they can be welreally expensive. a puppy, so to save money i just found them a possum. dad, i think he's dead. probably just playin' possum. there he is. there's an easier way to save. geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. a whole pound of tasty food. but how? it's a famous pour of this,

and some famous bits of that, and my famous chicken on top' all that stuff, and more gravy. kfc famous bowls, - a whole pound of delicious food for only three bucks!

>> trevor: welcome back to the daily show, coming up a little later we're going to be chatting with derek waters, host of drunk history here on comedy central. (applause). >> trevor: now i'm sure you have seen it but if you haven't it is a really great show where they get guest on and they get the people drunk. and then they have them tell stories from history. and we here at the daily show, we thought we know someone without doesn't drink, but every time he talks about history, it's so incoherent that it is pretty of the same thing. so with derek's help "the daily show" is proud to present trump history. >> thank you so much for doing this within its he great to be here today. >> so what are we going to learn about today. >> our first republican

president, abraham lincoln ran his first campaign for public office in 1832 when he was only 23 years old. he began by emidging. >> emidgeting the benefits a railroad could bring to his port of illinois without ever having seen a steam powered train. he had no idea. >> 30 years later as president, lincoln signed the law that built the first transcontinental railroad, uniting our country from ocean to ocean. great president. most people don't even know he was a republican, right. does anyone know? a lot of people don't know that. >> i knew, but yeah, sure. and then in the american civil war, a true great fighter and a great general robert e lee. >> we're learning about him now.

>> robert e lee was winning battle after battle after battle. and i will tell you what, abraham lincoln came home, he said i can't beat robert e lee. and he had all of these generals. they looked great. they were the top of their class at west point, they were the greatest people. but only one problem, they didn't know how to held the wind, they didn't know how to fight. they didn't know how. and one day it was looking really bad. and lincoln just said, you hardly knew his name, and they said don't take him. he's got a drinking problem. and lincoln said i don't care what problem he has, you guys aren't winning. and his name was grant, general grant. >> it's unbelievable, snts it.

isn't it unbelievable? it's unbelievable. (applause) >> and he went in and he knocked the hell out of everyone. and you know the story, they said to lincoln you can't use him any more. he's an alcoholic. and lincoln said i don't care if he is an alcoholic, frankly, give me six or seven more just like him. grant really did he had a serious problem, a serious drinking problem. but man, was he a good general. and he's finally being recognized as a great general. >> sure s yeah. granted figured it out. and grant is a great general.

ulysses s. grant. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: we'll be right back . (james) i can't believe it could take weeks to get our tax refund. (lisa) excuse me! did you say weeks? (cori) that's what the guy said. (lisa) you can get to the moon in a few days, but it takes weeks to get a refund. (astromaut) she's right. (james) that's what i'm saying. (lisa) at h&r block, you could get an advance refund up to $3,000 the day you file. (james) we can get a pool table for the gameroom. (cori) you mean the dining room? (james) yeah... we can still eat there. (lisa) seriously... (lisa vo) ♪ at h&r block, you could get a refund advance with zero interest up to $3,000 the day you file. in person or online. block has your back. people have been left to wonder what ingredients are in their beer. i shall put an ingredients label on every case of bud light!

that was really great, did you get that? oh. was i supposed to be writing that down? introducing our new ingredients label. coming in february. want to try out my time machine? it runs on doritos. [dog barks] sure.

so now what? gotta put the whole bag in. okay. yes! it's really working, jimmy! [humming, thumping] [humming] [thumping] this is the greatest moment of my life! get out of my yard! [birds chirping] jimmy? you're so old. [crunch!] it's the future!

(applause). >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show, my guest tonight is an actor, director an cocreatedder of the emmy-nominated comedy central series drunk history. >> and the monster said you have destroyed my love life because you destroyed my sex spot. you know, like in that day, it would have been sex spot. >> like a real doll. >> yeah, like a ball-- or doll. >> and he ran out of the room and was never to be seen again. until later. (laughter). >> trevor: please welcome derek waters. (cheers and applause)

welcome. >> thank you. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you, trevor. >> first of all thank you for helping us make that trump history. >> that was so much fun. >> trevor: here is spg i always wanted because with trump it happened naturally. you wanted the show, one of the funniest things i have ever seen. you got people who were drunk and telling a history story but all those stories are factually correct. >> right, 100 percent true, you have fact checkers who come in to make sure the drunk people are doing it right. >> right, it's kind of like the reverse of how are you talking comedy, is like don't, you knowk don't look down on the audience, make them look smart, like i want the audience to think they are smarter than the narrator and be like oh my gotd, they just taught me something. that drunk person has intelligence. >> trevor: but here is something i didn't know about the show. like i always thought you just literally got a person drunk, and then you asked them to tell the story and then they did it but it took you six hours to shoot one-story. >> yeah, six to eight hours. >> why does it take so long? >> well, you know, whenever any

human being has alcohol they-- it is much like taming a lion, it takes a lot of time. but the funniest thing about the whole thing is i always, always get an email the next day going i'm so sorry i didn't tell the story. they just never, ever remember telling the story. so i, i start every night going i promise you tonight you will never believe me that we told the story. but i promise i will not leave until we have the story. to try to create that. >> right, right. >> it never works. it becomes t starts drunk history and then it becomes a cops' episode. >> trevor: okay, this season though is truly, truly one of the most star-studded casts that you have. you have got everyone from-- you have will ferrell, elijah wood, vanessa hodgeens, rachelwood from west world, how do you get them to come and be drunk.

>> kick starter.com, started it a couple of years ago and yeah, i'm still alive, show. no, i got lucky, i got really lucky, i hummably think it is a unique idea but i also think people want to like tell history. people like-- i also think people like to feel smart. whether they are or they aren't, they like to watch the show and be like hey, did you know that? did you know that? i did. i love that because i don't know, history sometimes isn't tawtd in the most exciting way. and sth a way that i hummably think that you can stay focused. >> trevor: before i let you go, the one thing i always wanted to know, is you have alcohol, you have comedians getting drunk, surely somebody has done something so crazy, like you didn't put it on tv but you were like this thing happened, like did someone attack you, did someone throw up on you. >> all of those. (laughter) yeah, we have a medic and security on set. it is a poison. you shouldn't drink alcohol. i am not, my show doesn't

endorse alcohol, it endorses history and comedy. >> trevor: indulge in history, but not alcohol, thank you so much for being on the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: i'm excite ford season six of drunk history will premier on comedy central january 15th at 10 p.m., derek waters, everybody, we'll be right back. makes it beautiful.

state of the art technology makes it brilliant. the visionary lexus nx. lease the 2019 nx 300 for $339/mo. for 36 months. experience amazing at your lexus dealer. ♪