please get the kind with marshmallow inside. i don't like the peanut butter-filled one. eric. - and so it is with great pride that we have flown little billy thompson out here to be reunited with his parents for the first time in 20 years. mrs. garthunk. - thank you, mr. president. i'm proud to be an employee of south park milk, which to date has found over 100,000 missing kids and led the way in the fight against curdling. mr. and mrs. thompson, your son grew up not knowing who his parents were. but he was strong and resilient and ended up becoming very successful. i think it will amaze you as it will all of us to learn that your son... is ben affleck. - come on out here, ben! - mom, dad! - son! - oh, son! - what's going on? - dude, the ass-faces' son is ben affleck. - oh, our little ben. - oh, i'm so happy. - wow, i never realized ben had t.p.s., but i definitely see the resemblance now.

- [farting] - oh, son. [farting] - isn't this wonderful? - okay, gang, give me a big smile. - well, looks like everything turned out all right for them. - yeah, i guess now we'll have to call him ben ass-fleck. [laughing] ben ass-fleck, that's funny. - hey, you're laughing, cartman. - hey, you're right. oh, this is great-- ben ass-fleck! [laughing] - wait a minute, don't you see what happened? - what? - everything turned out okay for those people. and so now you can laugh. when cartman first opened the door and saw the thompsons, he felt bad for playing a joke on them. now that everything's turned out all right, he's able to laugh. - whoa, you're right. cartman had a feeling of remorse. - no, no, no, i blew a funny fuse. - there is no such thing as a funny fuse, cartman. you felt bad. - whatever, all i know is i can laugh again. i'm gonna go home and eat another chocolate gun. come on, kenny! [laughing] - wow, cartman actually felt bad for somebody and couldn't laugh at them. - our little man is growing up, stan. he's growing up. - yeah, i guess we all are. maybe things are finally gonna start getting more sophisticated around here. - [farting]

- oh, son. [farting] captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com comedy central >> from come he de central world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. (cheers and applause)ñi. >> trevor: welcome to the daily show, everybody. thank you so much. wow. you guys are amazing.

take a seatk tack a seat, let's get into it. thank you for tuning in. i'm trevor noah. wow. (applause). >> trevor: please, please, stop it. i like it. our guest tonight here to talk about season two of friends from college on netflix, keegan-michael key is joining us, everybody! (cheers and applause). >> trevor: so exciting. today on the show we've got the government shut down, day 26. we've got brexit day 937, and lewis black is angry day 4,762. but before all of that, let's a he catch up on today's headlines. big, big news for the 2020 presidential election. the pool of democratic candidates just got another step closer to infinite. >> another candidate is jinking theñi &pa0ñiçyó democratic presl race. new york senator=)ññiçó kirsteni grand-- gillibrand took the first step on the late show with

stephen kol bertd. >> i'm going to run for president of the united states because as a young mom i'm going to fight for other people's kids as hard as i would fight for my own. which is why i believe that health care should be a right and not a privilege. (applause). >> trevor: oh boy, this is so exciting. another big name democrat has joined the race. and i'm really excited for senator gilandl right. she's got a really progressive platform. she's for universal health care, campaign finance reform, paid family leave, and she proved all those haters wrong who said she would never run for president. iç"lrdq yeah, yeah, even if some of the best haters are yourself. and as muchñr as iñwi love senar gillibrand i think it was weird that she said as a young mom. because at 52, she isn't old, no, but she also isn't a young mom. i feel like she just said that to appeal to young mom voters, but if is still weird it would be like if bernie came out and said as a person of color i'm

announcing my run for president of the united states. you would be like what, person of color. >> that's right, pinkish gray say color. >> trevor: by the way, you know when bernie announces is he running it won't be a a hip show like colbert, he will do it on i old peopleçó show like wheel efi fortune,ñr pat, vannañi too many people in this country can't a vord to buy a vowell. moving on, you teush a place where we go to watch people hurt themselves on video. that is basically why we invented cameras, right. the first movie was thomas edison trying to skate down a railing and hitting his nuts. a lot of people don't know that but you now youtube wants to put a stop to all of it. >> youtube is trying to save people from themselves. >> by banning videos that encourage dangerous activities that could result in physical harm. the decision come as mid reports of injuries sustained by people doing the bird box challenge inspired by the hit movie. >> trevor: okay, no, no,

censorship is a slippery slope, all right, you can't ban these videos, like the old saying goes, first they came for the bird box challenge and iâid nothing because my mouth was fullñi ofñr tide pods, all righ. and by the way,çó youtube, if yu want to ban dangerous things on your platform, why don't you start with those pronazi videos, all right, orxd atñi thurñi leae the nazis do the >> you canñi supportñr l long as you set yourself on fire. then we are all win. i like that. (applause) moving on. since jeff sessions was fired and returned to his home at the end of the rainbow ot united states has been in need of a new attorney general and yesterday president trump's nominee william barr sat in front of senators to say how excited he was for the job. >> and now william barres the president's pick for attorney general was on the hot seat on capitol hill for the start of his confirmation hearing. >> a number of my colleagues on both sides have asked, and i bet you will hear more, questions

along the line of what will be your breaking point. doesn't that give you some pause as you embark on this journey. it might give me pause if i was 45 or 50 years old but it doesn't give me pause right now. because i had a very good life. >> trevor: i had a very good life 679 (laughter) that's a weird pitch. because it sounds like he's saying i might as well work for trump since i'm basically already dead. i mean it's all over now. >> trevor: oh, moving on to other hiring news, make pence's wife karen or mother as she's called during their bdsm late night kink sessions a announced she is going back to work. >> vice president pence's wife shedded back to 9 classroom. car enpence was a teacher for a number of year in ends ind also in northern virginia while her husband was in congress, will be teaching at the the emmanuel

christian school in springfield. this job does not come could wo controversy, it the school bans gay and transgender studentses and makes job candidates sign a pledge they won't condone homosexual activity. >> trevor: i'm sorry, what, to gay kids allowed? how is that a school policy? like do they just have an assembly where the principal is like listen up, at this school we pound pussy, am i clear? hands up. who in here is interested in the spring musical, trick question, you're out, you're out, you're out, you're all out. i'm not going to lie. i think it's crazy that if you want to discriminate against anyone in america all you have to do is go oh, it's because of my relige orn, i'm not discriminating. i want to try that, no short people allowed at my shows because i want all my friends to be close to jesus and you couldn't be further away. all right, let's move on to our main story. the longest government shutdown

in american history is still going. st if you day 26. and the effects continue to pile up. the coast guard isn't getting paid. imports aren't getting through customs and things have gotten so desperate that the pentagon has been downgraded to a square. and while we have known from the start that one of the shutdown's worst affect was that 800,000 government workers would not be getting a paycheck, we are aw now learning that all of america is about to lose alot of cash. >> the longest government shutdown in u.s. history now day 26, the white house team of economists now says it is twice as bad for the economy as they had predicted. >> on wall street concern the shutdown ripple effect could soon damage the u.s. economy. jamie dimon of jpmorgan choice warning first quarter economic growth for the entire country could be wiped out if the shutdown continues through march. >> trevor: wow. the shutdown could wipe out the entire quarter of gdp growth. that is a pretty dire warning

coming coming from wall street. and you would think trump would pay attention to that because he loves wall street. he thinks that is where you get the wall. (laughter) it is going to shoip, hellok i'm here to buy a wall. sir, you can't buy a wall here. oh, my bad, mexico is here to buy a wall. so obviously things are not going well for america right now. which is awkward for president trump. because his big state of the union speech is less than two weeks away. although today nancy pelosi suggested that maybe now is not a good time. >> speaker of the house nancy pelosi has sent a letter to president trump asking to move the day of the state of the union address citing security concerns, pelosi writes sadly give enthe security concerns unless government reopens this week, i suggest we work together to determine another suitable date after government has reopened for this address or for you to consider delivering your state of the union address in writing to congress on january

29th. >> trevor: that's right, not only is the state of the union, i'm sor eerk the state of the state of the union sun certain. and nancy pelosi is kind of right it is tough to convince people that the state of the union is strong when you have to give it by candle light because the government hasn't paid its bills. trump will be sitting there closer, closer, not too close. i swear to god, if you burn my weave bitch. (laughter) but i personally hope they can fix this soon. because trump delivering the state of the union in writing would be a disaster, okay. i mean this is the same guy who tweeted the world hamberders yesterday. like if trump writes his speech down he will end up declaring that the state of the union is shlong. it is not going to work out. and plus, if he doesn't do the speech outloud we miss out on all the weird physical stuff that he does, you know. unless, unless, unless he writes that into the speech too. then it would work, if he was

like we need to pull out of syria, sniff for eight seconds, and we need to kick out illegal immigrants, finger gun bouncee ball, finger gun, draw the bliensd, bring it home with the accordian, folks. bring it home. plawtion plawtion (applause) and now you are thinking to yourself, america's in chaos right now. well, i'm here to tell tu is nothing compared to what is happening in the u.k because two and a half years after the british voted to leave the eu they still haven't determined how they are leaving, what they will do with their trade and how their borders are going to work. my proposal, build a wall. anyway, britan only has until march to figure out what they're going to do with brexit. yesterday prime minister theresa may introduced her plan to parliament and let's just put it this way, like a week old blood pudding, it did not go down well. >> tonight america's closest

ally in chaos after the british parliament overwhelmingly rejected prime minister may's divorce deal with europe. >> some mp's may seek sacrifices to be there, a heavily pregnant labor mp chief was wheeled through the division lobby. she postponed her cesarean section to take part in the vote. >> the result it steph confirmed the predictions and the government's worst fears. >> the eyes to the right, 202, the nos-- . >> trevor: order, order! goddam that guy is louder than his tie. he probably gets home from work and his wife is like honey, how was your day. >> it was fine! >> trevor: it is so crazy, i wouldn't be surprised were the pregnant woman gave birth and her baby said waa, i said waa. so theresa may spent two years crafting a plan to make brexit

work. and yesterday her parliament trashed it. when i say trashed it, i mean trashed it she lost by 230 votes, the worst defeat in british history. and look, i sim pathize with prime minister may. she is in a tough position. the left side of parliament doesn't even want brexit. and the right side thinks that theresa may should be going even further. so they is damned if you do, damned if you don't or as they say in britain holly sullied if you do, kitchen knickers in the gollypump if you don't. prove meñr wrong. because here is the thing, here is the thing, all right, if britain leaves the european union without a deal, the consequences could be disastrous. the economy could be destroyed. the country could suffer a medicine shortage and supermarkets could run out of food. at this point britain's only hope is that show theresa may can give two rabidly opposed sides of her country to come together around añi cold beer ad but based on how british people

are disagreeing in the streets, i done know if that will happen. >> britain has the technology, the ability, we have the people to rebuild. we don't need europe. >> totally disagree. if you look at walles it amazes me that the people in the valleys are getting more from the eu than nibbles, actually voted to come out, it is like-- from the valleys, i'm a valley boy, brought and bread up in the mining industry. >> i didn'tçóñiñr call-- thank , that is like-- thank you, thank you.çó >> totalñiçóñiçó comparison. (l british street beef i've ever seen in lie life. a fight over figures of speech. that is a sim lee, actually it's a metaphor. what did you say, what did you say. well frk you please. so as of right now america'sñi government is shut down and there is trash on the streets. the u.k.'s government is in turmoil and soon they may not

have food. and africa is watching all of this like ha ha, who's laughing now, ha? we'll be wu bac (cheers and applause) (james) i can't believe it could take weeks to get our tax refund. (lisa) excuse me! did you say weeks? (cori) that's what the guy said. (lisa) you can get to the moon in a few days, but it takes weeks to get a refund. (astromaut) she's right. (james) that's what i'm saying. (lisa) at h&r block, you could get an advance refund up to $3,000 the day you file. (james) we can get a pool table for the gameroom. (cori) you mean the dining room? (james) yeah... we can still eat there. (lisa) seriously... (lisa vo) ♪ at h&r block, you could get a refund advance with zero interest up to $3,000 the day you file. in person or online. block has your back.

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>> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. when a news story falls through the crack lewis black catches it for a segment we call back in black. (applause) >> the new year means new laws are going into effect all across the country. think of them as america's new year's resolutions. but unlike our personal resolutions, they're meant to last a little longer than the first time we pass the cheese cake factory.

so let's take a look at some of the new laws debuting in 2019. >> in new hampshire you must be at least 16 years old now in order to get married. but that is as long as you have parental consent. until now girls could get married at 13 and boys at 14. >> oh no, new hampshire is raising the marriage age from 13 to 16. won't somebody think of r. kelly? but i'm glad they're raising the age. unbelievable. no one is mature enough to make a long-term commitment at age 13. i know your bar mitzvah says are you a man, but that's just bullshit made up to get you xbox money. teenagers should not get married. 13, 16, it doesn't matter. you still can't drink. drinking is the only way to get through a marriage.

(applause) but it turns out an early marriage isn't the worse thing that can happen to kids in america. in ohio they have a new law that is a whole different kind of torture. >> in the age of tweets and texts, the state of ohio is going retro. students there will now be required to learn how to write in cursive by the end of the fifth grade. >> what's wrong with you, ohio. the only phrase anyone should learn in curvative is why the [bleep] am i writing in curvative. there is no time, have i been reading something and thought i wish this was harder to read. and fancy. plus it's the computer age. we type everything. kids don't need to learn cursive unless they're going to go back in time and write letters during the civil war. here is margaret, i'm 13, why am i hear.

but while ohio is pirning its citizens vermont's new laws are making it rain. >> vermont will begin paying people to move there up to $10,000 over two years for people employedñi by out of stae companies who are willing to work in vermont remotely from a home office or a cooperative workspace. >> we have a demographic problem in this state. we need more people. >> all right, vermont. i'm going to tell you the same thing i told my aunt when i saw her ok cupid page.ñi quit actingñi soñi thirstyñ seriously, you're offering ten grand to liveñi inçó vermont? the state has to pay you money to live in it, that is a good sign i don't want toñiñr live in thatñiñi state. what good is $10,000 in vermont? s that tha place is so dull, i will have to spend the ten grand on cocaine just to livenñi thins up. (applause) if i wanted to go some place cold and empty, i could look in

a mirror.ñi but why should humans have all the fun? why can't these new lawúessñi arognf withñiñr animals' lives r >> in california as of januaryñi 1st, pets areñçzo nowñiçóñriqqt( divorces, not just property. judges can assign sole or joint custody based on the best interest of the pet. >> wow, this is beyond [bleep] stupid. how do you determine the best interest of the pet? what if it isçó a weaselñrñiñ tarantula, evenñrñi ifñiñi st aó you just going to have two lawyers at opposite sides of the court room calling its name. and the winner will be whoever touched sausages that morning. i would say if we're going to treat pets like children of a divorce, let's not half ass it. we should really treat them like children of a divorce. >> i'm sorry, whiskers, cleaning your litter box drove mommy and daddy apart. and the blilt will

probably-- guilt will probably drive to you the polls am but look, i know i'm always angry, but my own new area's resolution is to try to find some good somewhere. so there is one new law that i can really get behind. >> washington state cracks down on people who misrepresent companion or emotional sport pets as trained service animals. >> it's no longer just dogs and cats, some have become modern days noah arc, dug ducks, pig, fert, hedgehog, canninga roose, even peacocks all flying in the furry sky. >> finally, this emotional support animal thing has gone too far. nobody needs an emotional support animal, i don't have an emotional support animal. just look at me. i've never been happier!

(applause) let's face it, this was always a scam. last week my flight attendant had to explain why an anaconda was slitterring over my crotch. oh, it is a service snake, good, then have it strange el that screaming baby, trevor? >> trevor: lewis black, everyone, we'll be right back. everyone, we'll be right back. (applause) look around. with artificial intelligence, we are not crawling or walking. we are flying. microsoft ai helps an architect bring history back to life. this is now. ai helps farmers grow more

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>> trevor: welcome back to the daily show, my guest tonight is an emmy award-winning actor, writer and producer who currently stars in the netflix series friends from college. >> write the book. >> you know what, i think we should write it together. >> absolutely, we always have fun, we always have. >> yes, i know, i know, even the fact you see me like, this that just means everything to me. that, thank you. >> thank you. >> thank you. >> janet out. >> janet out right now, dog, i don't even care. >> let's hit it.

>> bring it in. >> drop in, right now. >> guys, guys. please welcome back to the show keegan-michael key. (cheers and applause) >> thank you. >> trevor: welcome back. >> thank you. >> trevor: welcome back to the show. >> thank you so. i really-- . >> trevor: what is going on here. >> i just thought i would pick it up a notch for this particular visit. >> trevor: i done know how i feel about this, normally when you come, you look nice normally but you normally dress like street casual. >> yeah, typically i do that. what is the concern, drefer. >> trevor: this is just like, i done know if this is sort of

like, i'm trying to steal the job of the dale lee show host look type thimg. >> what, are you kidding me, i'm looking at myself in the-- oh, oh, now i see it. how did that happen. >> i'm just stirring up a rumor, no, i'm kidding. >> trevor: welcome back to the show. >> good to be back. >> trevor: congratulations, season two. >> yes, of friends from college. very exciting. >> trevor: let me ask you this, this is a show about like a group of friends who are the most abnormal normal people you can come across, right, like everyone is cheating on each other, people are getting divorced, married. but season one was basically about like infidelity and people being shitty. >> season one was just like a depraved french sex party t was really crazy. it is about a friend group of six people who every time they get together all their old psychological tapes play. >> trevor: yes. >> tapes being the term because it was the '90s. people still had, a couple of us

still had cassettes, do you know what i mean. and everybody, everybody, they blow each other's lives up whenever they are around each other. and now in season two certain people are trying to pick up different pieces. and certain things happen, people go to new places. like you said, there are divorces, there is marriages, separations. >> trevor: but now it feels like people are moving forward. it feels like a more, you know, recon sillia tory vibe. >> they are struggling to find what the treus would be, like world war ii has just firned and we have to stein an armistice, everybody is trying to figure out, where they fit in the friend group now. >> trevor: my dream was to be in the lion king and i'm not. and i see, i see that you are. >> you are going to northbound the lion king. >> this one, oh, i am, i am going to northbound the lyon-- lion king. >> trevor: how the [bleep] did that happen. >> can i just say this for a second. those cards felt really comfortable in my hands.

>> trevor: but on the real i'm super excited. who are you playing. >> i'm really excite. i'm playing wurchg the hyenas, i don't know if i am cheech marin or ed but i'm one, i'm definitely not whoopi, definitely not whoopi, definitely not whoopi but one of the other ones, yeah. >> trevor: that is like properly exciting because i don't know about but the lion king is one one of those movie,t defined a childhood for me. >> it defined college for me. but i, but i, it was really, it is, it is such a humbling honor to be a part of an actual, like a real american classic. >> trevor: toy story is one the most successful franchises ever. >> jordan peel and i are in it together as partners. we're playing partners (applause) >> doing voice over in an animated film is the best thing because you can do, you can overact and chew up the scenery almost as much as you want

because will you never reach the height of what the cartoon characters, you can give your all to try to match the character. it's really fantastic. where, you know n real life you want to get a little bit subtler every now and again. but jordan and i had the opportunity to act against each other in those movies, very often, you are by yourself doing the-- . >> trevor: you guys were in the booth. >> looking at each other, and it was so much fun. and hanks, and tim allen, all the old-- . >> trevor: like tom hanks. >> yeah, tom hanks. >> trevor: the rest of vus to say his full name but hanks, go ahead. hanks. >> hanks is also-- you know hanks is in it and so is allen. and i'm so close to this guy that i met one time for three seconds. you know. i am. >> trevor: i'm so excited for you, congratulations, sow season two, friends from college, and everything, man, congratulations. >> i'm so happy. >> trevor: you would make a great host of another show. friend frses college is

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well, look at these party legends! party legends. classic, dave. brought you some ice, buddy. oh, yeah! you ready? you're going down. dave? uh oh... dave! no, no, no, no! dave, what have you done, dave?! worth it. doritos blaze. a bold flavor that brings the heat. >> trevor: well be,s that a's ou