you're expelled. yes, dude! well, i guess there's just one last thing to take care of. why did it have to be like this?! why couldn't we try to live on this planet together?! maybe we're not perfect beings, but we built a better town! we didn't need you to do that! and we'll keep on trying to make it better! randy, you're yelling at a whole foods. go on! get out of here! we know! others will know! it isn't going to be so easy, not anymore. [ rumbling ] [ car alarms blaring ] [ "america the beautiful" playing ]

pc principal: all right everyone, listen up. i don't know about you, but i, for one, am sick and tired of all the hate speech and microaggressions against our species. we have a new enemy out there -- an almost invisible foe that is so bigoted, so racially biased, they actually think we should all die. they are trying to attract our youth, using tactics that are underhanded and unfair. but no matter how hard they hit us, we cannot let them take from us our pc. and so, i have been asked to stay on as your principal. a lot of changes will happen in the coming months. the bottom line is that the only thing that distinguishes those who want to kill us from those who don't is that we have the burning desire for social justice. we are at war, but the only way to win this war is to be as understanding, non-biased, and politically correct as possible. this is gonna be really hard.

>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome, everybody! thank you so much! thank you so much! take a seat! lte get into it! welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. you are amazing for coming out here. thank you for tuning in. our guest is a terrific comedienne with a new h.b.o. special. amanda seales is joining us! ( cheers and applause ) also on our show tonight is biggest oscar snubs, the soariest democrats and robots losing their jobs for a change.

let's catch up on today's headlines. today is day 32 of the longest government shutdown in american history. federal workers are about to miss their second paycheck. more and more t.s.a. agents aren't showing up to work, and the government is so broke the statue of liberty had to get a temp job at quiznos. ( laughter ) but it looks like there may be some good news today because it look like the shutdown may be coming to an end. >> breaking news, there could be an end in sight to the partial government shutdown in the 32nd day. the "new york times" reporting the senate will vote on thursday on two separate bills that would end the shutdown immediately, one including funding for the president's border wall, the second extending funding for agencies currently shut down, that funding through february 8. >> trevor: congratulations congress, the first step toward doing the bare minimum. yeah, we're proud of you. yeah. ( applause ) the truth is passing these bills

is still a long shot, but i feel like everyone is so desperate this counts as good news. it's like the doctor came out of the operating room and the doctor said, good news about your husband's cancer surgery, i made the first incision and am about to remove the sponge i left him in last time. ( laughter ) pass funding through february 8. america is just going to reup the government two weeks at a time like it's a boost mobile plan? yeah, this is my burner government. i don't like to get attached. ( laughter ) this week is the world economic forum in davos swirtserland, where leaders gather to talk about the economy and state of the world and in down time perform ritual sacrifices to the dark lord. this is the illuminati people, grow up! this year's attendees list is

short. the united states isn't attending because to have the -f the shutdown. france isn't going because of protests. print isn't going to because of brexit. this is looking like the event to chris brown's oscar party. india isn't sending anyone. not one person? they've got a billion people in their country. it's just, like, every one of the indians are saying, yeah, we would love to come but there are a billion things to do here you go on without us. going. finally, uganda, time to shine! we didn't invite you. doesn't matter. still coming. ( laughter ) moving to japan, home of 93% of the world's weird stuff. turns out they have to dial it back a little because it was getting too much, even for them. >> hotel in japan says it is firing its robot employees. >> what did they do?

the hotel initially started using robots to maximize efficiency. some were built to look like dinosaurs but guests are apparently complaining. the gadgets wake people up in their rooms thinking they're asking a question when they're actually just snoring. >> they have rap tore robot bell hops. didn't work so well either. humeups had to come in and do the job. two robot luggage carriers could only reach 24 of the 100 rooms in the hotel and failed in rain or snow. >> trevor: crazy this didn't work out! when i'm jet lagged, the first thing i want to do is argue about my priceline reservation with a rap tore. that's a vacation, am i right? even if you were going to get dinosaurs that were robots to help, why a raptor? they're useless. can't reach a top floor in an elevator, and you're supposed to

help them with the luggage the whole time. no, give it to me and i'll -- no, just give me the thing. ( laughter ) and woshtsov all, they're the most terrified housekeepers. we have footage of them going into people's rooms. ( laughter ) ( rap tore breathing ) ( growling ) >> housekeeping! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: oh, man, we're so stupid. let's move on to the main story. the 2020 election. it is now only 650 days away. yeah, i hope you're preparing. i already bought any election night yogurt. as we know, there are a ton of democrats eyeing the white house. you probably noticed one person in this picture who shouldn't be there. that's right, bloomberg, get the (~bleep ) out of there, man! you're not a democrat! with the race heating up, it's

time for another look at the democratic primary battle in the ongoing segment world war d. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ running for president is an exciting experience for every politician, you get to eat free food, stay in all the cool hotels in iowa and you get to kiss children without being called a pedophile. which is something i miss in my life because in africa you can pick up anyone's kids because they're cute. here it's the whole thing, oh, that's my child, bring them back! i had to register on a list just so i could pick up children. ( laughter ) before you enjoy the perks of running, you have to clean out the skeletons in your closet which is why for the past few weeks some of the major democratic candidates have been atoning for positions they used to hold that are no longer welcome in the democratic party. candidates like former vice president and surprise massage therapist joe biden who yesterday expressed regret over being a little too tough on

crime back in the '90s. >> i have been in this fight for a long time. it goes not just to voting rights, it goes to the criminal justice system. i know i haven't always been right. i know we haven't always gotten things right. but i've always tried. barack obama and i finally reduced the disparity in sentencing. we thought we were told by the experts, crack, you never go back. ( laughter ) >> trevor: once you crack you never go back? really, joe biden? is that how the experts phrased it? you know, the scientists were studying crack under a microscope and said, my god, if these readings are correct, crack is wack. can anything be done? frayed not, data shows there's no hope with dope.

once you go crack you never go back isn't a real phrase. i think biden is conflating two different phrases. there's once you go black, you never go back. which isn't true, just ask obama. then black don't crack, which also isn't true, again, just ask obama. but the point is biden regrets supporting laws he now believes led to decades of mass incarceration. at least he never hated gay people which is more than hawaii's democratic congresswoman gabbard. she apologized. >> aloha. in my past, i said and believed things that were wrong and, worse, they were very hurtful to people in the lgbtq community and to their loved ones. i'm deeply sorry for having said them. my views have changed significantly since then, and my record in congress over the last six years reflects what is in my

heart. >> trevor: wow, that felt like a very intimate apology, you know. yeah, like a -- i feel like she pulled me aside, like, there's something i need to talk to you about. come with me outside to the gazebo. ( laughter ) but i thought you said gazebos were gay. i know. i know. that's one of the many things i've evolved on. basically the hawaiian congresswoman wants everyone to know that she used to say aloha to guy people but now is saying a lo ha to gay people. 2020 is also for people. le. >> senator bernie sanders met with campaign staffers who say they face sexism and sexual harassment when they worked on his 2016 campaign. >> i apologize to any woman. who she wasn't treated appropriately and if we run

we'll do better next time. >> standards met with the accusers but w refused to talk about their discussion describing it as private. >> trevor: bernie can't say any conversation he's ever had has been in private. if you're in a ten-mile radius of the man, you can hear the conversation. he's a great politician but could suck as a priest. so you say you master bait to pictures of your aunt? no, man! she's outside! your hot aunt you master bait to is outside? ( laughter ) but of all the democrats hoping to be president, the ones whose positions have changed the most from what they used to be is arguably kirstjeargue kirsten g. she represented a district in upstate new york, and she's trying to still make sure the slate is wiped clean for her 2020 run. >> you said trump's immigration positions are racist. as you know, you were more

conservative early on in your career on immigration. you said you were "a firm opponent of giving amnesty of illegal aliens." you said english should be the official language of the united states. called for exporting illegal aliens. were your opinions racist when you held some of those positions? >> they were not empathetic and not kind and i didn't take into consideration suffering. i went down and listened and realized things i had said were wrong. >> trevor: damn, jake tapper got her on that one. no, because, i mean, it's hard for her to say trump's policies are racist but her identical policies were just unkind. you know? it's like someone saying, no, honey, what you did was cheating. when i slept with carol, i was being just unkind to our marriage. i unkinded in my car and in my

office and on good days i unkinded twice. so you can get the unkind out of here! ( laughter ) but to be fair, i get why gillibrand had to say i went to brooklyn and i saw things in a different way. because let's be honest, if she had said yeah, my policies used to be racist but changed, you know the headlines would be just gillibrand admits racism. trump wouldn't get that go. he would be, like, my opponent kluklux kristen is so raysest she's trying to steal nominations from elizabeth warren. turns out gillibrand also used to be very pro gun. >> as a congresswoman, gillibrand used that family tradition of hunting to appeal to conservative voters in upstate new york. she boasted an a rating from the n.r.a. >> so why the 180?

>> after i was appointed, i went to brooklyn to meet with families who suffered from gun violence in their communities and you immediately experience the feeling that i couldn't have been more wrong. >> trevor: okay, uh -- ( laughter ) what's going on in brooklyn? ( applause ) every time gillibrand goes to brooklyn, she changes another position. ( laughter ) i feel like they're going to have to make a remix to that jay-z alicia keys song ( rapping about guns ) ♪ in new york, turns out all my past views were racist ♪ ♪ it's something i'm changing i don't know, sound like brooklyn is a magical place, you know? seriously. like maybe i should go to brooklyn, see if it changes me

for the better. >> okay, uh -- ( applause ) i'm back from brooklyn. ( cheers and applause ) and, uh, i got to say, this doesn't feel like an improvement. ( laughter ) so, clearly, the democrat strategy for 2020 is apologize for as many things as possible now so they can focus on the road ahead. and whether you think it will work or not, you have to admit it's a very different approach than the guy who's currently in charge. >> is there anything that you wish you hadn't said, anything you wish you hadn't done? do you have any regrets? >> i regret that the press treats me to badly. and despite that, my poll numbers are very good. why do i have to repent? why do i have to ask for forgiveness if you're not making mistakes? >> have you ever asked god for

forgiveness? >> that's a tough question. >> trevor: that's a tough question? actually, that is a tough question for trump because he never asks for forgiveness, right. when trump prays, he probably tells god, you're welcome. dear lord, i just want you to thank me for what a great day today was. because of me, more people are praying now than ever before. ( applause ) but look, as much as these democrats will catch flack for their old, unpopular views, i will be honest, i think it's good that at least they're acknowledging that they have made mistakes. i think it would be refreshing to have someone in the white house who is actually capable of recognizing that they got something wrong because then, that way, they could try and make amends for it. if americans want that kind of leader they're probably going to have to vote democrat or just

buy a subway ride to brooklyn for president trump. we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) kick off the new year with the new iphone included from t-mobile. the amazing iphone xr is perfect for all those new year, new you selfies. and only t-mobile has unlimited with iphone xr included for just 40 bucks.

so get the iphone you love most from the most loved in wireless. bring your family to t-mobile and get the amazing iphone xr included for just $40 per line. you'now until january 24th, would like to say, "thank you." enjoy a free week of movies on us- from networks like epix, lifetime movie club, hallmark movies now, and history vault. just say, "show me movie week." that's a full week of your favorite hit movies on your tv,

online, or on the go with the xfinity stream app. [shouting] and it's all on us, all week long. you've got some serious watching to do. look around. with artificial intelligence, we are not crawling or walking. we are flying. microsoft ai helps an architect bring history back to life. this is now. ai helps farmers grow more food with less resources. an engineer explores how ai can help the deaf see sound. innovation creates tomorrow, and tomorrow is here today. it's about time they gave left and right twix® their own packs. they got about as much in common as you, a mortician, and me, an undertaker. (chuckling) or you, a janitor, and me, a custodian. (laughing) or you, a ghost, and me, a spirit. (laughing) left and right twix® packs. it's time to deside.

you'll make my morning, buty the price ruin my day.ou? complicated relationship with milk? pour on the lactaid, 100% real milk, just without that annoying lactose. mmm, that's good.

"the daily show." the oscar nominations were announced today, and diversity was clearly on people's minds. regina king was nominated for best supporting actress. well deserved. ( applause ) and this is amazing to me, spike lee got his first nomination for best director. ( cheers and applause ) and it's crazy that it took that long for him to be recognized after he spent years directing the indiana pacers to go (~bleep ) themselves. ( laughter ) but this year, this year is different. i mean, it's gotten so black, two of the best picture nominees had the word black in them. like academy voters were, like, okay, we don't want another oscar so white. "black panther,"

"blackklansman," "black mirror." it's a tv show. we're playing it safe. the recognition, "crazy rich asians," our very own ronny chieng, everybody. >> thank you ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: ronny, it's always an exciting day when the oscar nominations come out. who do you think is going to take home best picture? >> who gives a shit about best picture. the story this year is all about the deserving nominees who are snubbed. snubs, snubs and nor snubs, especially in the only category anyone actually cares about, best you want ising actor. >> for performance by an actor in a supporting role, ma herbal ali in "green book," adam driver, sam el yod in "a star is born," richard e. grant in "can you ever forgive me" and sam rockwell in "vice." >> great job, solid group of nominees.

but maybe you're snubbing someone like, i don't know, me, roy chang, supporting actor in crazy rich asians available in itunes and airplanes everywhere. >> trevor: you genuinely think you have been snubbed? >> yeah, of course. i lost to a bunch of no-name hacks. >> trevor: those are great actors in this category. sam elliott was amazing in "a star is born." >> sam elliott. everyone in the business knows his mustache is doing all the acting. i could have grown a mustache like that but i care too much about the craft to rely on cheap facial props like that, also my life can't do that. >> trevor: what about adam driver in "blackklansman." >> you mean darth vader? he played a jewish guy pretending to be in the k.k.k. i was playing like i was from long congress when i'm really from play medication. i had to play an asshole when

i'm more of a dick. understanding that difference is what separates is best supporting men from boys. what about ma herbal ali? he sat in the car two hours. when i take an uber, all i do is take two stamplets richard e. grant -- >> trevor: the character actor, in movies for decades. >> shut up, trevor. i should no nominate you for let supported friend. besides, this guy's movie only made eight dollars million. i know instagram stories that make more money. last and certainly the least, sam rockwell in "vice." he already won last year. are we going to keep nominating him? is this best supporting actor or best sam rockwell award. there's another scam nominated. too many sames. #oscar sam's. >> trevor: wow, wow!

ronny -- ( applause ) you really seem angry about this. >> well, guess what, trevor, i'm -- i'm actually not angry. that was all just acting. ( laughter ) >> trevor: oh, that was great! oh, wow! i'm, like, you actually had us going. >> yeah, thank you. and i hope the academy will consider this episode for next year's oscars. >> trevor: well, we're on tv so it's not eligible for those awards. >> goddam it will the snubs ever end! >> trevor: ronny chieng, everybody. we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪come along, catch a heffalump,♪ ♪sit with me on a muddy clump,♪ ♪we'll sing a song of days gone by.♪ ♪ ♪come, come, come, come, come along now,♪ ♪run away from the hum-drum, ♪we'll go to a place that is safe from♪ ♪greed, anger and boredom. ♪we'll dance and sing till sundown,♪

♪and feast with abandon, ♪we'll sleep when the morning comes,♪ ♪and we'll rise by the sound of the birdsongs.♪ ay. you gonna do this, or what? you gotta do it. and keep doing it. do it big. bigger. ♪ step it up. always take the risk ♪ don't just watch it... put your phone down and do it. ♪ drip splash like the ice on the wrist. ♪ ♪ brrt brrt brrt brrt ♪ that's a call i can't miss. ♪ set my goals like the goals hit the swish. ♪ ♪ work work work checking off the checklist ♪ ♪ in a position to win, ♪ in a position to go, ♪ in a position to win, do it with one hand behind your back. ♪ what now? do it blindfolded. ♪ next? do what your endorsement deal say you shouldn't. section 43c. no ropeswing- over-canyon dunks. like what's happenin?

do what they say you can't. can you? because there are those who don't. and those who do. yessir! let's do.

( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an actor and comedian you know from "insecure." this weekend, h.b.o. will debut her first stand-up comedy special. amanda seales, "i be knowin'." >> yo, why you ain't smiling, ma? you know why i'm not smiling. ( laughter ) because i just spent the last 20 minutes in a public bathroom fashioning a makeshift maxi pad out of a long-ass cvs receipt -- ( laughter ) -- just so i don't got to walk around here looking like a dire wolf bit me in the pussy! >> trevor: please welcome

amanda seales! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> hey. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> they stood! that was fun! >> trevor: i feel leak the people always stand. you're special. what i really enjoy about it is you have cultivated a fan base which is genuine and, most importantly, you grew them from the ground up. what i've always been impressed by is you got into comedy and seemed like you were hitting a lot of brick walls and seems like you were saying i'm going to create my own lane. you've done it successfully. is that how you see your comedy career? >> i feel like that's been my career in general. for most black women, that's our career. we're hitting walls and we're, like, you know what? i'm going to build this ladder, this bridge, you know, i'm just going to float and lea levitater these fools. that's what ends up having to be

the course of action out of just necessity. >> trevor: it's one thing to have your first comedy special. h.b.o. is a monument most comedians dream of. it's not just a funny show but it's on h.b.o. was that a dream of yours or something that just became a bonus of having a great special? >> it was actually a bonus. for all intents and purposes, i was going to do it myself. i feel like i have such a strong following of folks that are action-based and give me the encouragement to feel like i'll great create my own independent stream of income and do it myself. if louie c.k. can do it, i can do it because black women can do anything. but h.b.o. was, like, no, no, i got you, woo. i was like, i don't stro spend my own money and can try to pay off my house? great. >> trevor: the special is 100% amanda. one thing, your voice is unfiltered, untampered, with it

is the truest essence of what many comedians wish they could do when on stage. is this something you have men you're a comedienne or -- >> okay, trevor. public props. >> trevor: public props? >> people give you the props at the end, but it's one thing to do it on the tv. >> trevor: right. but you're really good, though. ( cheers and applause ) >> thanks, guys. yeah, i mean, my mother, i feel like i come from a family of people who i wouldn't say are unfiltered, i think we have different filters. i think what a lot of people fear is the builter. that's not the case with me. i'm not afraid people will like me. i'mmore feemple i will be misinterpreted saying something other than what i really mean. >> trevor: do you think your mom would encourage that? you tell a lot of stories on instagram, share a lot about your life. you had a series about you as a young child and your mom encouraged you to do a lot of

things outside your world. do you think that formed who you are today? >> one hundred%. i believe in having a number of different perspectives to be able to form and help broaden your own. i'm not afraid to take risks because i've tried so many things and i didn't like them but i always knew i got back up and i could do something else. >> trevor: when you have these conversations online, you're not afraid to talk about everything, i mean, from race to conversations in and around gender, to what's happening in politics, and what i've always loved is how people will jump into your mentions and say things like, oh, why are you speaking on this, what do you know about this? you will be, like, i have a masters degree. >> a whole masters. >> trevor: right, a whole masters degree. >> i have a "whole" masters. >> trevor: how much do you think that's informed your stand-up? >> oh, my gosh, i would say it's the cornerstone. because so much of my stand-up is about learning while laughing and so much of stand-up is about talking about what you know. so my passion for black culture

and the black experience is not just in my own existence as a black person, but in the actual academicdemic study that i've done about black people across the diaspora. >> trevor: right. >> so it really is rooted in that as much as my stories about the train. but that's a whole other situation. >> trevor: i tell you this, black people like the show and i think white people love it as well. it's super funny. >> anybody who's authentic will love it. >> trevor: thanks for being on the show. "i be knowin'" premieres january 26th at 10:00 p.m. on h.b.o. really special. amanda seales, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ♪

you're acting so funny, what's wrong, billy? my doctor says i have skittles pox. are they contagious? i don't think so. contract the rainbow! taste the rainbow! people have been left to wonder what ingredients are in their beer. i shall put an ingredients label on every case of bud light! that was really great, did you get that? oh. was i supposed to be writing that down? introducing our new ingredients label. coming in february. olay ultra moisture body wash gives skin the nourishment it needs and keeps it there longer with lock-in moisture technology. skin is petal smooth. because your best skin starts with olay.

he got a virus. i have a virus. did you try to restarting it? ♪ (vo) ♪ here's a question. was it necessary to create a luxury car more teched out than silicon valley? with a cockpit fit for aspaceship. hang on. radar that senses things the human eye can't. busted. and the ability to make a thousand decisions before you even make one. was all this, really necessary? what do you think? ♪ that's our show for tonight. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> donald trump is a russian agent. yeah, he did all this because he's a russian agent. yeah, yeah,