- are we sure about this? we'll never know the future. - nobody will. that's the way its supposed to be. hit it, kenny. [explosion] - damn, ken. - here, here you see? it's going to be all right. hello, s-s-son. - hi, dad. - he was supposed to stay dead. - mom, dad, can i come upstairs now? - i'm sorry, son, but you're demon spawn now. you're an abomination. - can i please just have something to eat? i'm pretty hungry. - it's hungry. - yes, it must feed. - hello, i'm rachael with quality curtains.

- oh, yes, thank you for coming. - which room are we looking at? - just follow me to the basement. - yes, the basement. - oh, my, it's pretty dark down here. you sure you need curtains? oh, my god. - hello, i'm butters. - little boy, what are you doing down here? [yelps] - huh? - there you go, son. eat. - what are we becoming? - come on. don't watch it feed. - can't i just have some spaghetti-os? captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com

>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you for coming out! i'm trevor noah! our guest tonight is a musical legend -- a musical legend, ladies and gentlemen, john legend is joining us tonight! ( cheers and applause ) oh, yeah! we're going to chatting with him, and then he's got a new song to play for us. stick around, everybody. also on the show, president bone spurs finally goes to vietnam.

people are coming back from the dead and why i.s.i.s. members are saying my bad! but first, let's catch up on today's headlines. let's begin in vietnam where earlier today president trump land for his second summit with north korean leader kim jong un. of course, vietnam is sort of a touchy subject for president trump. the first time he was supposed to go there, he dodged the draft. so, yeah, trump likely wanted to make up for that today. so when he got off the plane, he immediately through a grenade at some vietnamese people, and he was, like, now i'm a war hero, so brave, so brave. ( laughter ) so that was awkward. kim jong un's arrival went more smoothly. >> the north korean dictator arriving overnight on his secure train after a two-day journey through china, greeted by fanfare and a red carpet. >> traveled to the capital in an armored limousine with his body

guards at his side. >> trevor: i can't get over the fact his body guards have to run next to his car. like, i know it looks cool, but if you're trying to get away from a shooter, you can only escape as fast as your guys can run. step on it! but keep up with steve! keep up with steve! ( laughter ) eth also crazy kim took a two-day train ride to meet with trump. two days, the time he spent on his train. the dude spends so much time on a train, eh he's starting to look like one. ( laughter ) the reason kim jong un takes a train instead of an airplane is partly because of security and partly because his country is so poor even the dictator doesn't have a plane capable of flying long distances. and he hasn't been able to figure out how to make his body guards fly alongside. one of trump's old friends is make trouble for him back home.

michael cohen is on his way to prison for lying to congress. but first, he's going back to congress to make up for it. >> this morning president trump's former personal attorney michael cohen begins a three-day marathon oftime on capitol hill. nothing will be off limits in the two closed door sessions snriertd today -- slated for today and thursday. >> michael cohen is about to pull back the curtain on president trump, detailing what he says is personal anecdotes, his firsthand accounts of how the president lied and cheated throughout his creemplet cohen plans to accused the president of criminal conduct also paying women who claimed to having sex with him and michael racial comments. >> trevor: huge! michael cohen is going to testify president trump is a liar, cheater, womanizer and racist. is he also going to tell us

abraham lincoln didn't die of natural causes? or owe has more stuff? it's on the package. we know. it's also possible cohen can actually prove trump was involved in specific criminal act including when he was president and, honestly, it would be big news if it turned out trump stopped playing golf and watching tv long enough to commit crimes. that would be a pretty big deal. we'll definitely watch to see what comes out of that. first, moving from disloyal trump associates to one of the few who hasn't turned on him yet, ivanka temperature. last night the president's daughter took a break from her extremely important job at the white house to teach democrats a little lesson about ordinary americans. >> you've got people who will see that offer from the progressive democrats, here's the green new deal, here's the guarantee of a job, yeah, that's what i want, that's simple. what do you say to those people? >> i don't think most americans, in their heart, want to be given

something. i've spent a lot of time traveling around this country over the last four years. people want to work for what they get. so i think this idea of a guaranteed minimum is not something most people want. ( laughter ) >> trevor: are you shight me right now? ( laughter ) ( mocking ) ivanka trump says the thing she's learned in life is people want to work for what they get? really? the woman whose resume just says, daddy, i need job now. that woman? really? ( laughter ) and, for the record, i'm going to call b.s. on this -- people love getting free shit, okay? have you ever been to a basketball game when they bring out the t-shirt canon? parents will trample their own kids for a free shirt that they will never wear. all right? ( laughter ) i have been to costcos. i've seen people put on disguises to get a second free sample of bagel bites.

people love free shit! and everyone, everyone, even rich people! rich people will try and be, like, oh, everyone doesn't like handouts. rich people love them for than anyone. at theos cars, they have goodie bags for the guests, fancy cool things they get out. the richest, fanciest people in the room and they're rushing to the table. what are you doing? you're a millionaire! you have everything! yes, everything and a netflix blanketed! ( laughter ) lady gaga kicked my ass because i grabbed something before she could get heifer hands on it. okay. it was her oscar. but that's not the point. everyone loves free shit. finally, news coming out of my home country, south africa. like much to have the developing world, my country has been targeted by con men out to make a quick buck and one of the

scams is traveling preachers who try to get donations by performing quake mir is also. you might be like trevor, how do you know the miracles are fake? watch this clip and you tell me. >> in this viral have it owe, a man dressed in white is seen lying in a coffin. the pastor prays for him. he lays his hands on the man. then the alleged deceased sits up and looks around, seemingly surprised at what's happened, with those around him celebrating. ( shouting ) >> trevor: okay. everybody, we need to go back to l.a., we need to redo the oscars. because i know rami killed it, but that was a better performance than bohemian rhapsody! did you see him? i'm alive! aaahhh! it's not just the pastor, everyone in the video is in on the scam. you know how i know? because if black people really think you brought someone back

to life, they're not going to stand around when that shit happens. ( laughter ) when black people see anything that's unbelievable, we run away so fast, like, forget dead people, this is what happens when david blaine makes a card disappear. >> on it. open it. >> aaahhh! ( dog barking ) ( laughter ) >> trevor: that's is shit i'm talking about. moving on to today's top story. ( cheers and applause ) i'm not lying, people, today was a weird news day, all right? all the big news stories of today are about things that are going to happen tomorrow. a very strange day. like michael cohen is going to testify in front of congress. president trump is going to meet with kim jong un. and i am going to kick my neighbor's ass if he doesn't stop stomping around upstairs at 2:00 a.m.! seriously! what the hell are you doing? i don't know even now how this

person walks. he only has heels, boom, boom, boom! he must be a half horse, half man and he leaves the forest to get water from his fridge every morning. the news is currently in a holding pattern. nothing is actually happening. there's no breaking nothing, so, i don't know, what do you guys want to talk ability? nothing? okay. you know, i'll tell you which story randomly caught my attention. i.s.i.s. you guys remember them? right? yeah? well, a few years ago, they were the hot new craze. it was like pocky mon go. thousands are signing up, running around, capturing infidels, and if you play well enough, you won virgins instead of just being one. really cool. ( laughter ) but now after years of war, i.s.i.s. finally seems to be on its last legs. >> in syria u.s.-backed forces are getting ready for a final surge into the last town held by i.s.i.s. >> in 2014, this is the height of i.s.i.s.' 30,000 square miles

they controlled across syria and iraq. today the self-declared caliphate is down to a few miles in i.s.i.s.'s last stand. it's only a matter of time before the u.s. has won and the caliphate is defeated physically. >> trevor: wow, i.s.i.s. has gone from controlling half to hav --half of the middle east to occupying only two square r. a month from now they will be squeezed into a new york city sized apartment. one guy will be like, i can't believe we're paying $3,000 month for this? for this? this is terrorism! ( cheers and applause ) what are we doing here? and who is this person stomping around upstairs? ( laughter ) it sounds like half horse, half man learning ballet! ( laughter ) so remember, there are thousands of people who left western

countries. this is something a lot of people don't remember about i.s.i.s. a lot of people left western countries to go and join i.s.i.s. now that i.s.i.s. is basically defeated, the question about most governments is what do they do with all the captured fighters? my personal pitch, you modify their suicide vests and hire them out for gender reveal parties. death to america! it's a boy! ( laughter ) so i.s.i.s. fighters from around the country are now awaiting to learn their fate. the part of the story i found particularly interesting is many of the women who left their countries to join i.s.i.s. are now asking society to let them back in. >> as i.s.i.s. makes its last stand in syria, two women, one american, win a brit, who fled their countries to become i.s.i.s. brides now say they're desperate to come home. >> i think a lot of people should be sympathy towards me for everything i have been through. >> do you think you deserve a punishment for what you did? >> maybe therapy lessons. >> people watching will say, well, therapy is not enough.

>> i know that. maybe speaking against them, which i am definitely planning to do. >> trevor: so let me get this straight -- as punishment for joining i.s.i.s., you want to go around giving speeches to people, like ted talks? ( laughter ) in other words, you want us to put you in a room full of people with a little clicker and then just trust it's going to going the go to the nest slide? that's what you want us to to? really? get the (~bleep ) out of here, man! maybe we should get you therapy because that idea is bat shit crazy! ( laughter ) i'm sorry, people, you can't just join i.s.i.s. and come back like nothing happened. it would be like leaving your wife for another woman and two years later you're, like, hey, honey, my side chick got u ugly, so i'm back. anyway, what's for dinner?! no, anyway, i'll be honest, the case these women are making for forgiveness isn't exactly tugging at my heart strings.

>> those women thought they would be "frontline" fighters. once they got to syria or iraq they found out they were basically there for one purpose and that was to marry and have as many babies as possible. >> you were given a list of men and could choose a man from a list. does that sound crazy to you now? >> yes. >> trevor: yeah, it sounds crazy, you went to join i.s.i.s.! i'm sorry, they thought they were going to fight and -- i'm so ier are, you want me to feel bad because she wanted to fight request i.s.i.s. and they wouldn't let her fight? get out of here! i don't feel sorry i.s.i.s. turned out to be a sexist organization. second of all, how did you not know that? did you not read the brochures? they're a fundamentalist terror group. what did you think you were going to group? find a group of terror woke bays? we're going to destroy the west, the infidels and most importantly the glass ceiling!

who run the world, girls! who one the world? mothers! who one the world? girls! ( laughter ) some people say these i.s.i.s. brides deserve sympathy because they were recruited into i.s.i.s. at an impressional age as teenagers who didn't understand what they were getting into. look, i mean, we all went through phases as teenagers. like, for a while, i had bangs and, yeah, i looked really sexy. i know. but joining i.s.i.s. is next level teenage rebellion, okay, which is maybe why the u.s. and britain are giving these women a next-level response. >> president trump tweeted yesterday itch instructed secretary of state mike pompeo and he fully agrees not to allow the woman back into the country. >> a british teenager who left the u.k. to join i.s.i.s. in 2015 will be stripped of her british citizenship. >> kind of being unjust. i don't think they're actually allowed to do that. >> trevor: i don't think they're actually allowed to do

that -- it's funny how bad guys are the first ones to bring up the law when it suits them. you know what else you're not allowed to do? chop off my head! think of it as a law that says my head must remain attached to my body. that's what it is. this thing here is a law. ( laughter ) but -- and this is a big but, and i cannot lie -- ( laughter ) -- the terrorists might have a point. there is a criminal justice system for a reason. a president or prime minister shouldn't get to decide what the women deserve. that's what court is for. the process separates the bad guys from the good guys. that's why batman has to send the joker away every time he catches him because you know deep inside batman could end it all, just let him go, get rid of him. batman, what happened to the joker? his ejector seat accidentally

went off in the tunnel. total accident. so what's for dinner? ( laughter ) so as unpopular as it may sound, countries like the u.s. and the u.k. actually should bring these women back, put them on trial and give them a punishment that fits what they've done. maybe it's life in prison, maybe it's a long sentence with parole or, if we really want to punish them, we could make them go work in north korea as kim jong un's body guards. yeah. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) reese's eggs are back and we hid them

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( cheers and applause ) hi, everybody! hello! >> trevor: i regret to tell you that we do not have time for the interview because i had to read out your list of achievements. >> oh. >> trevor: that is just such a long list of everythingness. aren't you tired? do you have space for the awards? where do you put the awards, john? >> i am not tired, i am feeling good. i am excited to be here, and i do have space for the awards, right next to my piano. >> trevor: congratulations. you have so many awards, and i think not more importantly but one of the most prestigious things is you have the egot. >> yeah, that's pretty tool. >> trevor: an emmy, grammy, oscar and tony. >> yeah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: is that a secret

clib? are you in attacks chain with each other? >> there are only 15 of us. >> trevor: right. ( cheers and applause ) >> i only have the email of, like, two of them. >> trevor: let's talk about the music, john legend. >> yes. >> trevor: you have a new song. >> yes, it's called "preach." >> trevor: it's called "preach." you know what i've really loved about you is you're an activist not just in words but in action. you put your money where your mouth is. >> yeah. >> trevor: you have been an advocate for criminal justice reform. what is "preach" about? >> "preach" isn't about any particular cause. it's about saying we can't just be about words, thoughts and prayers. we have to be about action. >> trevor: right. >> whatever that means to you, i think everybody should say it personally and say what in my life do i want to see changing and i should be a part of that change instead of just talking about it it. >> trevor: and you have a part of this campaign going with this called "free america." >> my "free america" campaign

has been going for years now and one of the things we talk about the criminal justice reform, we're the most incarcerated country in the world and we should do something about it, so i have been doing something about it. i have been going to meet with change-makers across the country. we're trying to change laws. we're part of the team that fought for the amendment that got voting rights restored in florida. we have been involved in propositions in california that reduces penalties for certain crimes, we have been part of attorney general election campaigns, trying to get people in office who will do the right thing for country. we are trying to make changes. >> trevor: you have now become a judge on the voice. >> right. >> trevor: that's likely exciting. >> yes. >> trevor: but it's like a lot of your co-judges are a little threatened by you and your voice. >> yeah, they have been trying to shut me down. they blocked me. all of them blocked me. >> trevor: right. >> they only get one block each and they can use it on any coach they want to use it on.

>> trevor: and they blocked you. >> and they all chose to use it on me. >> trevor: wow. is that a compliment to you? >> supposedly. they all say it's because they're threatened by me, they're afraid of me. >> trevor: you think it's sabotage. >> i'm, like, that's no consolation to me, you're trying to ruin my chances of winning. but that's okay, i'm learning. >> trevor: let me ask you about your presidents day. >> yes. it was the coolest presidents day of my life. >> trevor: you know why he says that? because he was having dinner with a president. >> an actual president. >> trevor: named barack obama. >> yes ( cheers and applause ) that was pretty cool. >> trevor: i can imagine it was pretty cool. >> i was with him and steph curry, who is, like, the greatest shooter of all time. you know, it was good times. ( laughter ) steph's wife is part of a a restaurant there called international smoke in san francisco, and they were

hosting us because the president was doing his my brother's keeping alliance in oakland, and it was pretty cool. >> trevor: ask weird sitting with barack obama and hearing trump give a speech the next day? >> it is really jarring, the juxtaposition. not making a joke. honestly, just listening to obama talk and then listening to trump talk and just the level of nuance that obama's capable of, and just his worldliness and intelligence about life, and his good character. it's just actually really jarring. ( laughter ) i'm not trying to be funny. it's like we have a complete moron and asshole in the white house right now. ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) >> trevor: you have been talking to michael cohen! >> and he's, like, he's not a good human being. and, so, when you're with someone who's a really good human being, it's a very jarring juxtaposition. >> trevor: i'm excited to have you as an amazing human being on the show. you're going to be performing

the song "preach" for us right here in the studio. "the voice" airs mondays and tuesdays at 8 p.m. on nbc, and "preach" is available now. be sure to stay tuned for a special performance after the break. john legend. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ almost time for me to go.

well, what if i... drove me home? [♪] what if we lost track of time? [♪]

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." now to perform "preach," please welcome john legend. ♪ every day i wake and everything is broken ♪ turning off my phone just to get out of bed ♪ get home every evening and history's repeating ♪ turning off my phone cuz it's hurting my chest ♪ and heaven knows i'm not helpless, yeah ♪ but what can i do? ♪ i can't see the use in me

crying ♪ if i'm not even trying to make the change i wanna see ♪ i can't sit and hope i can't just sit and pray that i can find a love ♪ when all i see is pain falling to my knees ♪ and though i do believe i can't just preach, baby, preach ♪ (woah oh oh oh oh ohhhh) i can't just preach, baby, preach ♪ all i hear is voices everybody's talking ♪ nothing real is happening, cause nothing is new ♪ now when all is tragic and i just feel sedated ♪ why do i feel numb? is that all i can do?

♪ yeah and heaven knows i'm not helpless, yeah ♪ but i'm only human i can't see the use in me crying ♪ if i'm not even trying to make the change i wanna see ♪ i can't sit and hope i can't just sit and pray that i can find a love when all i see is pain ♪ i'm falling to my knees and though i do believe ♪ i can't just preach, baby, preach ♪ (woah oh oh oh oh ohhhh) i can't just preach, baby, preach ♪ and heaven knows i'm not helpless

♪ but what can i do? ♪ can't see the use in me crying if i'm not even trying to make the change i wanna see ♪ i can't sit and hope ♪ i can't just sit and pray that i can find a love when all i see is pain ♪ i try to do the things i say that i believe ♪ i can't just preach, baby, preach ♪ falling to my knees ♪ though i do believe ♪ i can't just preach, baby, preach ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ♪

♪

(butcher) ♪ we both know you're not just looking for pork chops. you're searching for something more... ...red-blooded. right this way. you thirst for adrenaline, you hunger for raw power. well, you've come to the right place. the road is yours, dig in. >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. we'll be back her here tomorrow night. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> yes, we're broadcasting