would i rather be feared or loved? um, easy. both. i want people to be afraid of how much they love me. and i think i proved that today at the dojo. typewriter torture. sensei, help. typewriter torture. no. typewriter. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah! thank you for coming out! yeah! oh, wow! oh, wow! ( cheers and applause ) oh, wow! all right, let's do it, let's do

it, let's do it, let's do it. save your energy. save your energy. you're going to need it because our guest tonight is a candidate for the president of the united states of america. senator bernie sanders is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) so we're going to get into that. but first, are you guys enjoying this beautiful spring weather, yeah, yeah, yeah? ( cheering ) well, i'm not! ( laughter ) you know why? because i'm stuck at work all day trying to follow all the news. there's too much of it! fortunately, too much news is the right amount of news for a segment we call "ain't nobody got time for that." ( cheers and applause ) ♪ all right, let's kick it off with the mueller report. in many ways, it's like the movie roma, the thing everyone is talking about but no one has actually seen. all we know so far is that president trump claims the report is a "total exoneration." ( laughter ) but it turns out that might be total bullshit. ( laughter )

>> we do have breaking news. overnight the "new york times" reveals the mueller report may be far more damaging for president trump than attorney general bill barr has let on. >> the "new york times" says some of mueller's prosecutors have told the associates the attorney general failed to adequately portray the findings of their inquiry, adding the special counsel's conclusions were more troubling for president trump than barr indicated. >> trevor: yes! trump is getting impeached! ( cheers and applause ) impeached! he's going down! he's going down! even even though last time we said that nothing happened but this time will be different because we believe! we believe! ( cheers and applause ) but, yes, the 400-page mueller report was summarized into four pages by william barr, attorney general and very straight elton john. ( laughter ) and, now, some people on mueller's team claim that his summary left out information that actually made trump look really bad. and i get why people are suspicious, all right.

this attorney general was hired by trump, and summaries tend to lead towards, you know, the person's biases. that's how it works. if i summarize the movie "alien," i would say it's a monster terrorizing a woman, that's what it's about. but for joe biden, it's just a friendly hello. ( laughter ) so this is why democrats want to see the full report, all right? they want to see the mueller report in full with no redactions, which makes total sense, because if barr redacts too much, then we won't know what the report means. it will be like the radio edit of a rap song. yo, when the trump started started(~bleep ), putin (~bleep ) mistake. ( cheers and applause ) now, if we had more time, we could talk more about how everyone is using this lack of information to push competing narratives when no one knows the truth. but we can't focus on that because the president has to what can amo another issue popping up. >> president trump is facing the

first official call to release tax returns. he is petitioned to release six years of taxes, citing the tax code. but president trump is showing no signs of giving in. take a look. >> i'm always under ordered, it seems, but i have been under audit for many years because the numbers are big and i guess when you have a name, you're audit. but until such time as i'm not under audit, i would not be inclined to do that. >> trevor: that's right, folks, my numbers are so big the i.r.s. is still working on a new number to describe them. could be trememda- zillion. we'll see what happens. trump's taxes are probably so dirty the i.r.s. has them in a contagion room from outbreak. i want to see trump's taxes as much as anyone, but after the mueller reports i'm not putting my heart on the line. if you get too emotionally invested in these things, you

only get hurt in the end, like movies. when i watch "the notebook" i root for the alzheimer's. it's safer that way. we could talk more about the balance between the public's right to information and an individual's trying to privacy about the tax fraud we might have committed, but we don't have time for the legal hypotheticals because there's an actual court case that's taking people down right now. >> the first of 33 parents charged in the massive college admission scandal is preparing to plead guilty. california entrepreneur peter jan sartorio made the revelation in a court filing yesterday that games as actresses felicity huffman and lor lori loughlin appeared yesterday. >> the star was seen signing autographs for fans. >> lori, lori! pay for my tuition! lori! ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) >> trevor: that's priceless!

we're laughing but that's actually a great idea, right? let's be honest, prison is already full. instead of prison, their punishment should be they have to pay tuition for everyone. that's it. they've got the money. ( cheers and applause ) they should do that. it's almost like how when your parents catch you sneaking cigarettes, they force you to smoke the whole pack. and now i have cancer. thanks, mom. and why is aunt becky signing autographs at court? if i was the prosecutor i would be, oh, my god aunt becky, can you sign this? ah-ha, a confession! by the way, i'm a big fan of your crimes. ( laughter ) and we could talk about this college scandal all day except we can't because th's another story blowing up in a middle school. >> claims of discrimination for a middle school teacher on long island, she said she was 2350eurd after her topless selfie went public. >> miranda said she was fired last week two months after the selfie ended up in the hands of a middle school student.

the 25-year-old texted the photo three queering's to her then boyfriend, another teacher in the district. >> that picture was never posted. how it got out is the million-dollar question. >> some parents stood behind that decision to fire the teacher. >> once it ended up in a student's hands, i think she's compromised, right. >> when it's brought into my children's school and my kids are exposed to it, it's my problem and i have a big proble wit. >> trevor: now your kids are exposed to it? you think your kids have never seen boobs? mister, if your kids have phones at school, every class is sex ed, my friend. also i love how the other parent is, like, she has to leave, she's been compromised. what is she, a spy? ( laughter ) the nudes blew her cover, is that what this i mission. gold finger has seen your nut sack. ( laughter ) i will be honest, i'm on the teacher's side. you can't punish her because someone leaked her nudes. that wasn't her.

if someone steals a pining from the louvre. the louvre doesn't get in trouble. we can't blame them. we blame the criminal. by the way, the louvre has tons of nudes. why do you think the mona lisa is always smiling? ( laughter ) we could talk about how it's time to stop getting scandalized by nude photos. almost everyone has them this day. you know the book everyone poops? everyone nudes. everyone's naked somewhere. the democratic primary is overflowing with candidates and now another one. >> add one more to the list,time congressman tim ryan of ohio is in joining the growing list of 2020 democratic candidates speaking out earlier on abc describing the moments behind how he made the final decision. >> i can go back just a few weeks where my daughter called me crying from school because her friend was crying to her, her dad just got transferred at the local general motors plant, the kids had to move. and my daughter called me and

she said, you've got to do something. and i said, i'm going to do something. and i'm going to run for president of the united states. >> trevor: oh, okay. that's a strange way to help a friend. ( laughter ) i feel like i'm going to start using that. next time a friend asks me to pick them up from the airport. i will be, like, you know what, i'm going to help you, dave, by running for president. i'll do it for you! just for you! ( cheers and applause ) but that's right. ohio congressman tim ryan has officially thrown his hat into the ring, which brings the number of democrats running for president to 17. that is so many people. look at all those faces! look at all those faces! why so many faces! at some point, you've got to ask yourself, if every democrat runs, who is going to be left to vote? trump with 50 million votes and

50 million democrats with one vote each. now we have time to talk about tim ryan, but we have nothing to say about him. so, instead, let's move on and talk about how the other democrats in the race have a spanish outreach program that is no bueno. >> lost in translation, 2020 democrats trying to lure hispanic voters with spanish web sites and, evidently, these web sites are really missing the mark. >> amy klobuchar's spanish web site has a number of mistakes and we'll begin with the translation that talks about her announcing her run from inside the mississippi river. kamala harris' web site here says kamala harris wasted her life defending the values of her country. >> trevor: oh, man, this is so embarrassing. no, because the bad translation on kamala harris' web site makes her sound like a broken shell of a woman, like, goddam it guys, i wasted my life, please, i'll jump in the river with amy

klobuchar. some other candidates web sites are complete gibberish. >> elizabeth warren's says, in reality i'm not on and have here for what. i have to be honest, i don't know what that means. >> trevor: what? ( laughter ) now i understand why elizabeth warren warrants to break up the tech giants because clearly google's translator screwed her over. at this point, i feel like spanish-speaking voters are probably watching a totally different election than we are. klobuchar is giving speeches in rivers, exactly la's having an emotional breakdown. elizabeth warren might be having a stroke. they're probably at home, like, jesus christ, these candidates are meases, man! i don't know why fox news is laughing about this. they can't laugh. if they watched their boy trump a few weeks ago, they would have seen him translating english into english. >> no collusion, no obama obstr. >> .i hope they now go and lookt the oranges -- the beginnings of

the investigation. the mueller report which i wish they covered the oranges, how it started. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: i like how he goes away from the word "orange ice at the beginning, right? at the beginning he's like, the byby gings, the begidges. then, no, no, i got this, oranges! god damn it! the oranges, the oranges. can you imagine if you're an immigrant who learned english from list ming to donald trump in you wouldn't make sense. if you spoke like trump you probably wouldn't pass your citizenship test. it would be like the oranges of america have inspired me bigly! they would be, like, sir, your citizenship is denied. oh, come on, don't be a cofire , yeah? when we come back, bernie sanders! more after this!

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back the "the daily show." my guest tonight is the independent senator from vermont and a leading 2020 democratic presidential candidate. please welcome senator bernie sanders! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> thank you! >> trevor: do you ever get used to this? >> it's a good feeling to get used to. thank you very much. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: it feels like -- it literally feels like you are the political beatles. that's what you are. you're all of them rolled into one.

is it strange to be in a position where, in 2016, you were the insurgent candidate, you know, you were leading a political revolution, but now you're entering the race as a frontrunner, like, does that feel different for you? are you going to do things differently this time around? >> it does feel differently. and what the happened is that, four years ago, trevor, the idea is that healthcare is a human right, not a privilege four years ago, that was perceived as a radical idea. no more. the idea that if you work in this country you should make at least 15 bucks an hour and not live in poverty. not a radical idea anymore. >> trevor: you're done. why run? >> one little problem, we have to take on an incredibly powerful establishment that, to a large degree, controls the economic and political life of this country. >> trevor: right. and when we talk -- you know, the mantra of our campaign is

"not me, us," and the reason for that is to take on wall street, to taken to the greed of the pharmaceutical industry and the insurance companies and, if you want to save the planet, you're going to have to take on the fossil fuel industry. >> trevor: right. >> and that means millions of people are going to have to stand up and fight back in a way that we have never done before, and that's what this campaign is about. you know, the media has picked up on we raised a lot of money, and that's great, but what's more important to me, trevor, is we have over a million people who are prepared to volunteer in this campaign, which is unprecedented. >> trevor: it's interesting that you are -- ( applause ) >> trevor: it's interesting you bring that up because you have raised a lot of money, i believe $18 million in under six weeks. you are breaking records raising money from individuals who say, hey, we want to help you out, bernie, but you hate the banks, so where do you keep the money, under a mattress? ( laughter ) >> well -- >> trevor: let's talk about this democratic field. this is an interesting time

where this field is more diverse than ever before, but some people have said, all right, you have a diverse field, but it feels like the front runners are still old whitemen, you still have yourself, joe biden -- >> you're not talking about me, are you? >> trevor: no, of course not. i mean the white men. >> oh, yes. >> trevor: but how do you respond to the criticism where people say, well, isn't it time for you guys to step aside? >> look, i think the american people have to make that decision, nobody else makes it. >> trevor: right. >> but i think it is appropriate for people to say, okay, who has been talking about this issue when? who had the courage to go forward and at what time? >> trevor: right. >> so it's important not to look at just personalities. i think, in american politics, in general, we do too much of that. >> trevor: yes. >> what we need to do is say, okay, we have massive levels of income and wealth inequality, are we happy three% of the people own all the bottom half of the wealth in america.

how do you create an america where we don't have people living paycheck to paycheck. we need to focus on a progressive agenda and i have been a leader in fighting nor that agenda for a long time ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: you're basically saying people have jumped on but you're the o.g. of this idea. that's essentially what you're saying. ( laughter ) interestingly enough, answer o.g., you've managed to connect with many groups people haven't been able to connect with. you're able to connect with young voters, historically 18 to 19-year-olds don't vote, but they've come out for you. we've seen this repeatedly. it's been interesting to see you are leading with minority voters as well, the people who have been polled right now. what do you think is driving those voters? why do you think you're connecting so well with young people who don't think voting is usually worth it? >> i think that this generation

is, in my view, the most progressive generation probably in the history of the united statesounitedstates of america,k it's also a generation, trevor, they're not doing well financially. everything being equal, this is a generation that, unless we turn it around, will have a lower standard of living than their parents. young people can't afford apartments, they're living with their parents. so they need to understand that we need to have an economy and government that works for everybody, not just the one percent, and i think our message resonates with them as well. ( applause ) >> trevor: you really have connected with people that you wouldn't expect. i mean, young people, people of color, you've connected with so many groups, and now what's really interesting to me is it recently came out that you have decided to do a fox news town haul. >> yeah. >> trevor: even though, you know, the d.n.c. made a decision to not go with fox news for any of the debates. >> yes. >> trevor: you're breaking

with that line of thinking. some would say, bern, why would you go to fox news, it's not a legitimate news organization. what are you doing there? >> trust me, i know fox news. i know who they are and i know the role that they are playing. so, to me, it is important to distinguish fox news from the many millions of people who watch fox news. >> trevor: right. >> and i think it is important to talk to those people and say, you know what? i know many of you voted for donald trump, but he lied to you. he told you, for example, he was going to provide healthcare to all people, now he wants to throw 30 million people off the healthcare that they had. he told you that he was going to give tax reform that would not benefit the wealthy. 83% of the benefits go to the top 1%. so i think it is important to talk to trump supporters and explain to them to what degree he has betrayed the working class of this country and lied during his campaign in terms of what he would do.

( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: i'm excited to talk to you not about trump's lies but your ideas for the country. more with senator bernie sanders when we come back. don't go away, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

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♪ let me see that! ♪ i can drive up here any time i want. this is going to be so sick. no matter if your journey takes six years or 72,000 miles, your volkswagen is covered with america's best bumper-to-bumper limited warranty. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! we are here with presidential hopeful and very young man senator bernie sanders. ( laughter ) i made up for what we did earlier. but let's talk a little bit about age.

i mean, this has been an interesting time where, you know, people have said, bernie's running again, bernie doesn't feel old but your age is still a number, despite what aaliyah says. and some people are saying, hey, bernie, do you have any concerns about your health? are you doing things to keep yourself healthy if you were to take the office of president? >> thank god, my health is good. as a kid, i was a long distaps runner, had a lot of endurance and i still do. ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) >> trevor: not like that! hey! hey! i'm sorry about them. i'm so sorry. ( laughter ) >> you know, and i recall some of these reporters say, you're kind of old. they were following he on the campaign trail and they said, slow down, you're moving too fast. >> trevor: it really is something you have used to your credit. let's talk about some of the

policies. bernie sanders has been notorious as the person who can tell it like it is. i loved howard schultz when he said he'll agree to step out of the race if people like bernie go away if they put up a moderate capt. , and you were, like, oh, thank you very much, how nice of him. ( laughter ) but you're always been a person who seems like a straight talker. let's talk about healthcare. >> good. >> trevor: this past week house democrats introduced a bill to strengthen obamacare, supported by everyone from pelosi to the aoc, but you said, no, i don't want to support this, i want to come in and fight for medicare for everyone, right? and some people might say, okay, but bernie, if everyone is going bun way and you're going the other way, doesn't that go against what the job of the president is? >> the reality is that bill will never pass the senate. i don't think it will be taken up by the senate. so where we are right now is a fight for how we do two things. number one, as a nation, should we guarantee healthcare to all

people as a human right? >> trevor: right. >> i think yes. ( applause ) if you do that, how do you do it in a cost effective way. and i think the answer is overwhelmingly the only way to do it is through a medicare single payer program. it now costs about $11,000 per person for healthcare in this country, family of four, 24,000 bucks. that's unsustainable. twice as much as canadians and they guarantee healthcare to all people. the current function of the healthcare system is not to provide healthcare to all people, it is to make huge profits for insurance companies and the drug companies, it is to provide people like the guy who's head of united health insurance $83 million in compensation in one year, it is to allow the five major drug companies to make $50 billion in profit last year. somebody's got to take these guys on. they're criminals. people are hurting. we need to move toward medicare for all. ( cheers and applause )

>> trevor: one thing you really do bring up, and i mean healthcare just touched on it, is income inequality. >> yes. >> trevor: you have been proud to say, yes, i believe that we need to adjust how people earn money in this country and how people are taxed. >> yes. >> trevor: trump now used this as a slur against you calling you a socialist, saying it means we are all going to have to drive battery cars and share one road. but what does it mean to you? >> good question. thanks for asking it. it means economic rights are human rights. i believe from the bottom of my heart that healthcare is a human right. i believe that, in the richest country in the history of the world, we should not have a tax system which allows amazon, owned by the wealthiest guy in the world, to pay zero in federal taxes last year, after making $11 billion in profits. that is insane. to be a democratic socialist

means that we believe -- i believe -- that human rights include a decent job, affordable housing, healthcare, education and, by the way, a clean environment. it means that we cannot allow our kids to grow up in an environment which is increasingly unhealthy and uninhabitable. we have got to take on the follows fuel industry, move to energy sufficiency and sustainable energy. that's what it means. ( applause ) >> trevor: it's been interesting now the democrats have used their power to say to the i.r.s. we want to see donald trump's tax returns. people on the right have responded and said, but where's bernie's tax returns? bernie only released 2014. we still don't have bernie's tax returns. i was, like, if bern g y and trump haven't released them, there are probably secrets on both sides. my theory is trump doesn't want us to know he's not a billionaire and you don't want us to know that you are.

( laughter ) so are we going to see tax returns? >> you sure are. april 15th is coming. that will be the tenth year, and we will make them all public very shortly. >> trevor: what's all? >> ten years. >> trevor: ten years of tax returns. >> by the way, i'm delighted to do that, proud to do that. hey, mr. trump, you do the same thing. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: senator bernie sanders, everybody! we'll be right back! ♪ ♪ it's taking over ♪ there's no escape ♪ you better get moving ♪ ready or not ♪ it's about to go down here it comes now ♪ ♪ get ready ♪ oh oh oh oh ♪ oh oh oh oh ♪ get ready ♪ moving ♪ ready or not ♪ get ready ♪ oh oh oh oh oh

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[ screaming ] jordan peele's... ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. now here it is... your moment of zen.

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