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let's go, ucf. you gave michael jordan's mediocre son a scholarship. don't make me call the dean. finally, as a parent, i have to say, i am impressed with this new technique for making your kids get along. it's called the fight shirt. - why do you guys have the t-shirt on? - because we love each other. - oh, you guys love each other? i love you. - i love you. - and i'm sorry. - and i'm sorry. - you guys love each other? - mm-hmm. - [speaking in a foreign language] - the irony isn't lost on me that they're learning not to fight in a wife beater. my employees act like children. now i know how to handle it. whenever there are unwanted advances in the workplace, i force them into the sexual harassment panties. - this is defeating the purpose. - they're normally not that big. those were sexual harassment period panties. and when someone says something culturally insensitive at work, i squeeze them into the racism romper.

- reverse racism is real. - i'm sorry, and i love you. - i love you. - they asked hr if next time they could go ass-to-ass. all right, here's your worst employee of the week. good night. [upbeat music] ♪ [heartbeat thumping] >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in and thank you for coming out! ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) that's my favorite wave. i love that! i'm trevor noah! our guest tonight -- let's do

it! our guest tonight -- ( cheers and applause ) wow! okay. okay. our guests tonight are the authors of a fascinating new book on congress in the age of trump, politico's jake sherman and anna palmer are joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) also tonight, democrats want mike pence to be president. elon musk is giving your car a job and cnn hosts the most boring binge watch of all time. first let's catch up on today's headlines. let's start with some technology news. if you're a samsung owner who survived your exploding phone, good news, the new phones break in a less exploding kind of way. >> samsung is postponing release of its galaxy fold smartphone after viewers reported problems with phones that gold like a sandwich. >> problems like debris under the screen, malfunctions displays and total failure of

the device after just a couple of days of basic usage. >> trevor: yes, it turns out it isn't a good idea to take a screen and fold it in half. ( laughter ) i'll be honest, though. i'm bummed about this because i don't need a folding phone for anything, but i like this idea. i like how it made me feel like we were in the future. like when was the last time you had a phone that did that? new phones are just, like, your old phone has two cameras but this one has three cameras! whoo! it makes the background blurry. my grandmother makes the background blurry each time she takes a picture. that's not a feature. this is futuristic. i wanted to get the phone to show it off to my uncles in africa. what if my phone could fold? oh, trevor! what is this magic? yeah, it's magic! ban him! no, it's not, breaks when i fold it! oh, it's only a samsung, i got

it. okay. okay. ( laughter ) i have a conspiracy theory. want to hear it? >> audience: yes! >> trevor: sometimes i think apple secretly owns samsung and have them screw up all the time just to have the iphone seem better. every single time i get frustrated with my iphone battery or something slowing down, there's a news story, samsung phones have ebola now. i guess i'll keep you, iphone. ( laughter ) tesla, if you can't afford one of their super cool cars, won't be a problem for too long. >> elon musk promising self-driving taxies will hit the street by next year. owners will be able to use a smartphone app to put vehicles into commercial service when not using them. tesla would collect 25 to 30% of the fare charged to riders. >> trevor: okay. i don't know how popular this idea is going to be because if you can afford a tesla you

probably aren't super excited about letting some random dude eat a tuna sandwich in it for $11. other risks as well, if your car gets a job as a taxi, at some point your car will act like a taxy. you will get in one morning and it will be like, i tell you who really killed j.f.k., russians from outer space! ( laughter ) think about all the risk. you don't know what your car is doing. it's gone. you park it and after you come back, you open the door, it's full of blood. you're, like, what happened? the car is, like, i don't know, i ain't no snitch. ( laughter ) finally, netflix, is the second most popular form of entertainment in the world and now it might be taking down the first. >> the new study suggests some people may prefer the netflix part of netflix and chill. researchers say streaming entertainment has become so popular that one in four viewers has turned down intimacy in favor of just watching something on tv. and because of the binge tv

model and lack of commercial breaks, some think this could be contributing to the all-time low birth rate that we haven't seen in the u.s. >> trevor: this is one of the studies that sounds like best. tv doesn't stop you from having sex. you can have sex while you're watching the show. ( laughter ) yeah, like if you're watching the "the daily show" at home right now, and you want to have sex, you can have sex. i'll wait. ( laughter ) yeah. don't leave the room. don't leave the room. just stay there. uh-huh. ( laughter ) oh. oh... oh, so that's how it's done, okay. ( laughter ) oh, you're done? oh, okay. let's move on. now that we all got what we wanted, lest move to the main story. only 550 days for the presidential election which is barely enough time for ben carson to sing an entire song. it also means it's time to check in on the democratic primary race in our ongoing segment

world war d. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ the first primary debates are still months away, but last night cnn gave us a taste of what's to come by hosting not one, not two but five separate town halls with presidential candidates. that audience had to sit there for five straight hours, which must have been really tough, except for the black people. yeah, because black people are used to this, right, five hours is one sunday service at a black church. we're used to that. at the end the pastor yells, thank you for coming my brothers and sisters, i'll see you at the night service later on. black service is so long even jesus leaves after three hours -- yeah, i appreciate it. i got a thing, i gotta go. ( laughter ) we watched the whole thing so we could give you the highlights. each one of these democrats showed up looking to win over the audience with their policies. let's kick it off with the

frontrunner, vermont senator and man whose voice is stuck in caps lock, bernie sanders. last night he proposed phasing out private insurance, decreasing the racial wealth gap and extending the early bird special to 7:00 p.m. but the one moment that got everyone talking was this -- >> senator sanders, you have said that you believe that people with felony records should be allowed to vote while in prison. does this mean that you would support enfranchising people like the boston marathon bomber, a convicted terrorist and murderer? >> i think the right to vote is inherent to our democracy. yes, even for terrible people, because once you start chipping away and say that guy committed a terrible crime, not going to let him vote, or that person did that, not going to let that person vote, you're running down a slippery slope. >> trevor: wow, that was a tough question to answer and i get why bern isy is concerned about slippery slopes. partly because america has a

history of using imprisonment to disenfranchise minority voters, and partly because slippery things are every old man's worst nightmare. bernie is saying, we should get free reeboks to wear in the shower, it's a dangerous place! ( laughter ) prisoner voting rights was bernie's bombshell last night. he was tbt only one throwing out bold proposals. kamala harris had big ideas. hers was about reducing the racial gap in maternal mortality and making it illegal to pronounce exactly la. >> we need reasonable gun safety laws in this country starting with universal background checks and renewal to have the assault weapon ban. upon being elected, i will give the united states congress 100 days to get their act together and have the courage to pass reasonable gun safety laws and if they fail to do it, then i will take executive action.

>> trevor: wow. okay, exactly la. ( cheers and applause ) okay, exactl, kamala. 100 days for congress to do gun control or i'll do it myself. a powerful threat. though i don't know if it will work. like a boss telling his laziest employee, i'll need the report on my desk by the end of the day or god help me i'll write it myself! i'll do it all myself, bryan! ( laughter ) so, i mean, that's a pretty crazy idea, and i'll will honest with you, no democrat has been coming out with more policy ideas than massachusetts senator and none that got out elizabeth warren. for months, now, warren has been releasing policies faster than netflix releases documentaries about serial killers -- break up big tech, housing reform, education. and if you're one of those people going how does she plan

on paying for it, she has answers for that, too. >> i started in talking months ago about a wealth tax, an ultra millionaires tax, it's two cents on every dollar on the great fortunes above $50 million. if we put that two-cent wealth tax in place on the 75,000 largest fortunes in this country, two cents, we can do universal childcare for every baby 0 to 5, universal pre-k, universal college and knock back the student loan debt burden for 95% of our students and still have nearly a trillion leftover. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: woo-wee! that's a lot of great proposals from one tax. and you have to admit -- it is brilliant how she just frames it as two cents of every dollar above 50 million.

because that's -- it gets into your head. it's really just a 2% tax. but everything sounds more reasonable when you put it into cents. genius. that's why when they ask you to sponsor an african kid, they say for 80 cents a day, you can help this child. but if they say, you can help this child for $298 a year, you will be, like, that's an xbox. you're on your own! ( laughter ) while elizabeth warren was pronessing a way to give americans almost everything, amy klobuchar was waiting to make sure everyone came back down to earth. >> so senator warren says we'll forgive the debt. if you make under 100-grand, we'll giv for give up to $50 million. what do you think of plans that are more generous than your own? >> i wish i could staple a free college diploma under every one of your chairs. i do. don't look, it's not there.

i wish i could do that, but i have to be straight with you and tell you the truth -- >> trevor: ouch. klobuchar is gangster, she's like the anti-oprah. everyone loo look under your se, you ain't getting shit. what do you think this is? you have to give klobuchar credit for leaning into her tough persona. first stories about how she's throwing binders at her staff. now she's telling people she's not going to get rid to have student debt. she keeps it real, by is good in a politician. but i'm not calling her if i'm going through a breakup. i won't sugar coat it, trevor. that relationship was your best chance of not dying alone. ( crying ) well, you will never be president! ( laughter ) klobuchar wasn't there joust to crush dreams. her policies including reducing drug sentences, expanding pell grants and telling people to think fast.

although you could tell the audience wasn't exactly her biggest fan. >> i am someone that runs in a purple state and every single time i have run, i have won every single congressional district in my state, including michele bachmann's, okay? that's when you guys are supposed to here. ( laughter ) >> trevor: that was rough. asking someone to cheer is like asking someone to say i love you. if they don't do it on their own, that's kind of the answer. and, yes, i'm speaking to all the parents out there. stop asking your toddler if they love you. they don't. they just met you. all they love is baby shark and zip locks of dry cereal. they don't like you. but the final town hall of the night was the surging pete buttigieg, mayor of south bend, indiana and aging pinocchio. unlike the rest of the

democratic field, he didn't come with policy and specifics, no, he came with heart. >> your campaign web site, it's got a lot about who you are, what you believe in. it doesn't have anything specific about policy, like nothing. >> we'll continue to roll out specific policy proposals, too, but i also think it's important that we not drown people in my noshia before we vindicate the values that animate our policies. >> trevor: i don't know what he just said, but i like him. ( laughter ) yeah. because that was really slick. he still didn't tell us about his policies, but he made us feel like policies, you know? that was nice. it was like, you know, i don't want to swamp you guys in details and vindicate and s chma... he reminds me of the kid in school who got good grades without reading any of the books. did you read it?

oh, yeah, "catcher in the rye," such a profound explanation of the human condition, hate, love, joy, pain, it's so relatable, we can all understand, what more do i need to say? ( chuckling ) ( laughter ) and you have to admit, running for president as a man is so much more fun because as a woman, you have to bring extra homework. elizabeth warren calculated two cents on every dollar over 50 million. kamala is breaking down existics as relates to race and class. but the dude says, yeah, i'm just going to wing it. after the break, the one issue all five democrats had to address, to impeach or not to impeach. so don't go away. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: we can back to "the daily show." in the wake of the mueller report, democrats have been grappling with two questions. one, do they have to read it or can they just wait for the movie? and, two, should they impeach president trump? and apparently not everyone is on the same page. >> i believe congress should take the steps towards impeachment. >> if any other human being in this country had done what's documented in the mueller report, they'd be arrested and put in jail. >> not all democratic presidential candidates are on

the impeachment bandwagon. >> nancy pelosi telling colleagues, we don't have to go to articles of impeachment to obtain the facts. >> all that the congress is talking about is impeaching trump and trump, trump, trump and mueller, mueller, mueller. what i worry about is that works to trump's advantage. >> if the house brings the impeachment proceedings before us, we will deal with them, but there is a third way to hold this president accountable. >> trevor: we're going to take him in the parking lot and beat his ass! ( laughter ) no, i'm joking! i'm joking! i'm joking! it would have been funny if she said that. if she was, like, mr. president, come out here, ever been binder slapped? come here! come here! ( laughter ) so, clearly, impeachment is not as clear cut as it seems. for more, we turn to a regular man who regularly gets thrown out of his dentist's office, michael kosta, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) >> oh, i'm sorry, trevor. my dentist can just stick his hands in my mouth but i can't stick my hands in his mouth?

ha. hypocrite much? >> trevor: michael, seems like kamala harris and wear warren are the only major candidates who want impeachment proceeds to start, why? >> of course the women want trump impeached because if he gets impeached they will run into mike pence ans and the he can't debate them unless mother is also on stage. ( laughter ) >> trevor: also seems like pelosi is not on board. what do you make of her strategy to pursue more investigations before impeachment? >> i think it's the right move. i know a lot of the younger democrats want to impeach right away, but impeachment is a special thing that should be saved for the president who truly deserves it, okay. you don't want to look back and regret who you impeached. in the meantime, there's a lot of other ways democrats can satisfy these urges they're feeling. they can use their hands to

issue subpoenas or use their mouth to denounce trump's actions and if hands and mouth stuff isn't good enough, they can practice impeaching themselves. it doesn't feel the same, but it's still good. ( laughter ) >> trevor: michael, we see what you're doing. you're comparing this to having sex for the first time. >> oh, no, but i guess that's where your mind is at. i'm just reminding these overly excited democrats that they don't have to go all the way just yet. you know, here, let me draw you a picture to explain, okay? so, look, here are the democrats who favor impeachment. and here are the democrats who don't. >> trevor: now, please, dude, you do this all the time, man. you're just drawing a butt. >> what is wrong with you, trevor? this is a peach for impeachment, okay? but if you're not ready for impeachment, there's another option that's only two inches away and a lot of people believe it doesn't technically count. >> trevor: okay, i'm stopping

this. >> wait, i haven't even drawn the dick yet. >> trevor: michael kosta, everyone! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ sometimes the smallest gestures can be the most refreshing. give extra, get extra with new extra refreshers gum. you're going to do your thing. and no period is gonna slow you down! with tampax, you get protection that moves with you for total comfort. choose pearl for your chill, pocket for your moves, and active for your hustle. do your thing with tampax.

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the lexus es. every curve, every innovation, every feeling. a product of mastery. lease the 2019 es 350 for $389 a month for 36 months. experience amazing at your lexus dealer. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to the "the daily show." my guests tonight are senior writers for it mr. do, co-authors of politico playbook and the international best seller "the hill to die on: the battle for congress and the future of trump's america." please welcome jake sherman and anna palmer. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thanks for having us. >> thank you. >> trevor: first of all, congratulations on having a book about congress that people actually want to read. >> yeah, we were told for many years that if we wrote a book about congress no one would read it so we decided to test that proposition. >> trevor: why, though?

why? >> congress is the most interesting place as a reporter. there's 535 basically class presidents who are vying for power and love to talk to people like us. >> and we got to write a story once many years ago about members of congress skinny dipping in the sea of galilee, so that's when i really got sold on the whole proposition of covering congress. >> trevor: so you are the only person who heard of congress people naked and was like i want more of this. ( laughter ) that makes you an interesting person in and of itself. >> yeah. >> trevor: you are known for writing politico's playbook which many regard as the be all end all in politics and what's happening in dee see. you have it coming out two times a day. tidbits, this chapping, pelosi is doing this, trump is doing that, this is happening with mitch mcconnell, et cetera, et cetera. was it different having a long form to work within? >> yeah, absolutely. i think that was exciting to us. we had the air reques -- the aro years in the shutdown, election day to election day. we didn't know government was

going to shut down and the longest one of history. >> trevor: yes. >> but it was kind of exciting to pull the lens back, go up and zoom out a little bit about the characters we've known intimately for so long. >> trevor: the shutdown, that is one of the most interesting parts to have the book. we knew about the shutdown from the outside. what i like about this book is you get into the inner workings of how the shutdown actually happened and involves key characters -- you've got trump and then mitch mcconnell but then the house freedom caucus, who a lot are like it's a crazy group of right wing fanatics but they're very price. >> they are very price. the bigger story is donald trump followed paul ryan for two years, did basically app lot of what he said, and donald trump, his campaign was pretty clear, he wanted a walton the border with mexico. there was no two -- ways about that. paul ryan did not deliver that for him and said for two years, we'll do it later. and finally, attend of the day, donald trump decided to side with the freedom caucus, which

is a group of 20 republicans who were the most 20 powerful people on planet earth and they favor more drastic tactics to get what they want, shutting down the government. >> trevor: right. >> they believe in legislative calamities and crises that people get confused and do things they wouldn't otherwise. do so they thought nancy pelosi would not be able to sustain the position no border wall. she was for 35 days and donald trump lost. we believe and make the case in the book that nancy pelosi became the most powerful person in washington because she stared down the president and won. >> trevor: she is another character in the book i have another completely different understanding of. we know nancy pelosi as the archetype. you know what fox news say and tweet about nancy. but in this book you discover a bigger respect for her on the hivment even donald trump respects nancy pelosi, maybe

even fears her a bit. why? >> i covered nancy pelosi's first speakership, going to the minority and her return to glory. when i sat down with the president, i was prized by this, he has a rev rinse and respect for her, i think largely because she has had success where he h has failed. her troops, democrats in the house, stick with her no matter what. for him, he sees republicans go left, right, mismanaged and unorganized. >> trevor: yes. >> donald trump told us an amazing thing, it's the last quote in our book, he says, democrats stink on policy, are bad politicians, have the worst ideas in the world, but they stick together and republicans don't. and he looks at that, i believe -- and we've seen this throughout the last two years -- he looks at republicans and doesn't understand why they don't stick with him. then he sees nancy pelosi keep all her troops in line over almost every issue and doesn't understand how it happens. >> trevor: that explains why he hasn't given her a nickname.

he's the only person who doesn't have one for her. he has sleepy, lying -- and for her it's hello nancy. there is a reverence for her. the book details a story told right now and we're living in it. from what you have in this book, what do you think we should be looking out for as we move into the primaries and then into the presidential election again? >> well, there is definitely impeachment and anna and i are in the middle of thinking about this in a new sense, right, because nancy pelosi seems at this moment to be trying to create action so she doesn't have to impeach him middle east. there are a lot of people who want to impeach the president now, now, now. nancy pelosi says let's hold on, do investigations and see where they lead us. she's not one to ever jump the gun. we oftentimes say she's like mitch mcconnell in a way. she is able to drown out the noise, see what she needs to do and finds a way to get there without shaking, without getting shook, without getting nervous. >> trevor: right. >> i mean, i think the other

thing you can see in this democratic primary is our book details the messiness of the republicans, from the freedom caucus to the more established republicans, that's what's happening now for democrats. you have the establishment for democrats and then the bernie wing, and democrats are trying to figure out what is the future of the party. >> trevor: it's an exciting journey you've painted and, honestly, for me, it's like you've turned congress into almost a "game of thrones" book. so congratulations. wonderful having you both on the show. thank you so much for being here. ( cheers and applause ) "the hill to die on: the battle for congress and the future of trump's america" is available now. subscribe to politico ploob pla. thank you both! ( cheers and applause )

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♪ i'm truly amazed at the effect thathank you, bob!ple. >> trevor: ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> this is what we see, floods over all of iowa, nebraska and missouri. this is important so i'm going to finish this. ( laughter ) we have got -- i feel you creeping over my shoulder. not in a trumpian manner. >> that's good. >> just like you're there and -- ( cheers and applause )