ve endings in the vagina are so sensitive-- it's like a fun tickle. - now, on to double penetration, boys. you see, sometimes when a woman has sex with more than one man, each man makes love to a different orifice. - that's right. it's something adults can do with really good friends in a comfortable setting. - it's also important that you understand why some people choose to urinate on each other. - going number 1 or number 2 on your lover is something people might do, but you must make sure your partner is okay with it before you start doing it. - okay, boys, do you have any questions? - wow. - well, let's all get going. - yeah, come on boys, time to get home. - wait a minute, where's butters? - wees hasses our preciouses. hasses it... hasses it. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com

>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: yeah! welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you for coming out! thank you! i'm trevor noah! so good to have you here! our guest tonight, let's do it, our guest tonight is the creator and star of the new netflix

sitcom special about his life as a gay disabled man, ryan o'connell is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) also on the show, joe biden grabs ahold of the presidential race. roy wood, jr. takes his horse to the old town road, and everyone knows your instagram is fake. but first, let's catch up on today's headlines. ♪ the american economy is booming. in fact, unemployment is so low that companies are having trouble finding employees, which is why mcdonald's is looking anywhere it can. >> mcdonald's wants workers to spend some of their golden years at the golden arches. the fast food giant partnering with aarp in an effort to hire older employees for anything from morning shifts to management roles. mcdonald's hopes to fill 250,000 jobs nationwide by this summer. >> trevor: oh, man, this is cool. yeah. partnering up with aarp to find

jobs for senior citizens, especially since mcdonald's was their first job when they were teenagers. now it will be their last job, too. the circle of life. ( laughter ) although wouldn't it be funny if you go back to the first mcdonald's you started working at and your old manager is there, like, well, well, well, look who's back. where have you been the last 50 years? actually, a doctor. well, now you're back on the fryer! ( laughter ) actually, i think this idea will be bad on our health because old people love feeding you. you will try to order a number 7 and grandmother at the register will be, like, that's all, no, have a mcflurry! you need extra fries, you're a growing boy. i put apple pies in a tupperware for you. take them! ( laughter ) the biggs thing i worry about is mcdonald's says it's reaching out to the aarp because they

need workers. how do we know? what if one day there's a news report that says, old people are disappear bug the mcrib is back! ( laughter ) moving on to technology news. seems like every story is bad, facebook is riewng our kids and roomba is ruining our cats. but here's something good. >> bumble can detect crude images and warn you. expected to launch in june. bumble has measures in place to protect users by blurring all images by default but recipients have to hold down the photo to view it. >> trevor: let that sink in. bumble has had to write a program to censor dick picks because men will not stop sending them. i honestly feel bad for women, because -- bumble was supposed to be the safe dating app.

on tinder you get a match and guys would be, like, dick pick! but on bumble, women make the first move. it's, like, match, nice to meet you, and john is like, dick pick! wait, let them ask for the difnlgt as offensive as sending a dick pick, is i feel really bad for the guys whose dick picks make it through the filter. ( laughter ) yeah, it's a likely bad way to find out you've got a weird dick, when the filter is, like, oh, damn, i thought that was the thumb. yo, you need to get that checked out, man. i'm sorry. and finally, in the world of instagram, chimpanzees, they're one of the humans' closest relatives, all right. and today we found out they're even closer to the hiewnls than we thought. >> people are going banana also over these opinion credible video of a chimpanzee who's managed to work at how to use an iphone. the academic april is seen

scrolling through videos and photos on the smartphone after mastering the ability to swipe through different images. >> trevor: are you shitting me? ( laughter ) there's a chimpanzee who knows how to use instagram? and people are saying how smart chimpsy. i think it's the opposite. it appeals the instagram appeals to the chimp part of human brains. instagram makes me real dumb. i'm having complicated discussions in the day about the the economy, then you get on instagram and you go like -- monkey sounds ). ( cheers and applause ) also, wouldn't it be cool to get followed by a chimp on instagram? that would be so cool if that happened, like you just saw you were being followed by a chimp

and you send a message, like, oh, wow, cocoa, thanks for following me, and cocoa would reply, dickpic! let's move on to today's top story. ( applause ) if you're a democratic voter, then the 2020 race is giving you more choice than all you can eat buffet. but if you're one of those people always at the buff fy'going, uh, you guys have anything else? well, the answer is yes. >> breaking news, former vice president voabd i joe bidek in the 2020 race. >> joe biden in the 2020 race, a president with stark and stunning video announcements. images of white supremacists in charlottesville framing what's at stake -- >> we're in the value of the -- in the battle to have the nation. the core values of the nation are standing in the world. everything that made merrick garland is at stake. we can't forget what happened in

charlottesville. even morph important, we have to remember who we are. this is america. >> trevor: this is america -- whoo! give it up for elderly gambino, everyone. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's right, joe biden has officially entered the democratic race, which brings the total number of democrats running in this primary to 20 people, which is insane. look at all those faces! look at all of those faces! half of those people shouldn't be here! now look, we all know joe biden, right? he spent eight years as america's vice president and surprise masseuse, but before that, he had a whole career that you might not know about. you know, kind of like how some people only know billy ray cyrus from little nas' "old town road" remix. and like billy ray, bind was

doing his own thing for decades before he was made cool by a young black man. so let's learn more about the democratic race's newest frontrunner in another installment of getting to know them. ( cheers and applause ) joe biden, the man may be new to the race but he definitely isn't new to life. in fact, at 76, he's older than two buttigieg -- buttigieg -- buttigieg -- (pronouncing). that makes biden one of toldest in the 2020 race, along with trump who is 72 and bernie sanders who is 278. looks good for his age, though. doesn't look a day over 240. but joe biden, like most old people, wasn't always old. when started his political career, he was the fresh face. >> biden's senate career began

with him at the fifth youngest senator ever elected at 29 in 1972. >> he served in the senate for three decades. >> biden's early years in the senate saws seismic political change -- the end of the vietnam wax the impeachment of richard nixon. >> i'd never moved to washington, choosing instead to commute home by train each night. >> he has the a nickname of amtrak joe. >> i take this train over 7,400 times since i've gotten into senate. >> trevor: it's nice to see a politician riding public transportation, though it's weird. on amtrak it makes sense, but imagine bumping into trump in your uber pool. do you have an iphone charger? if i don't tweet for 15 minutes, i die. check out my uber rating, 2.1 stars, the highest of any passenger in history! some say it only goes to two stars, but i've got .1 extra. ( laughter ) and joe biden, he doesn't just

have lots of experience in the senate. he also has a lot of experience running for president. >> joe biden hoping the third time is the charm after failing to win the democratic nomination in 1988 and 2008. biden's past two bids for the presidency were rocky. in 2008 he got just 1% of the vote in iowa. the first time in 1988, he dropped out after news reports revealed he plagiarized part of a speech. >> trevor: oh! plagiarism used to be a campaign ruining scandal? oh, america, you were so cute when you were little! you were so cute! oooh! ( applause ) that was a scandal? nowadays you can say you love grabbing pussies on a bus full of your unreleased tax returns while doing a drive-by on fifth avenue and the worst thing is mitt romney will fur row his brow in dismay.

( laughter ) people don't just love joe biden because he's a down to earth man. he's an adorable goof ball. >> his biggest possible weakness, his reputation for verbal gaffes. >> as barack says a three letter word, jobs, jobs, jobs. ( applause ) you cannot go to a up7-eleven or dunkin' donuts unless you have a slight indian accent. i'm not joking. his momma lived in long island for ten years or, so god rest her soul -- wait, your mom's still alive. god bless her soul. ( laughter ) >> he said this to a politician in a wheelchair. >> stand up, chuck, let them see you. oh, god love you, what am i talking about? i tell you what, you're making everybody else stand up, though, pal. thank you very much. i tell you what, stand up for chuck! >> trevor: that's right! let's show chuck what he's

missing! everyone else stand up! let's rub uh it in! this guy's got no hands, how about a round of applause! come on! ( laughter ) i feel like these gaffes are what made biden perfect vice president for president obama because obama measured -- every -- word. you could-feel-him-thinking-when-he was-talking -- and biden is, like, i'm thinking -- and the first thing he thought comes out of his mouth. ( applause ) the man has also had major accomplishments. >> biden would enter the race as a foreign policy heavy raight weights. in the senate he chaired the foreign relations committee. >> 26 years ago a then senator biden wrote the violence against women act. >> he was a key player on guns in the '90s with the brady bill and assault weapons ban. >> he endorsed same-sex unions before the president's planned

announcement. >> vice president joe biden commonly known as the dealmaker in chief with mitch mcconnell -- >> trevor: joe biden was so good at getting stuff done he even found a way to work with mitch mcconnell and they probably got along because mitch was the only person biden wouldn't give a massage to. because that neck is like quick sand. by the time you realize you're in it, too late. deep inside that thing before you know it. aaahhh! ( laughter ) so for decades, biden's been involved in issues that matter to democrats, gun control, gay marriage, women's rights. he was one of the first to support trans rights even though he thought it was trains probably. ( laughter ) >> biden is already explain ago decades long record including his role in passing the now controversial 1994 crime bill. his vote for the iraq war.

skepticism of anita hill and past comments on busing to desegregate schools. >> trevor: oooh, okay. so on the down side, joe biden got a lot of things wrong back in the day. but on the up side, he managed to grow his hair back. ( laughter ) look at that. huh? this fy'has the benjamin bunt of scalps! now despite problematic positions in the past, many are saying democrats are still likely to vote for joe biden, partly because of how progressive he's become and partly because of how good he is at getting under trump's skin. >> the press always asks me don't i wish i were debating him? no, i wish we were in high school and i could take him behind the gym. >> did you see where biden wants to take me? to the back to have the barn. me. he wants me. i'd love that. i'd love that! mr. tough guy. >> if we were in high school,

i'd take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him. >> that would not last long! ( cheers and applause ) it would go like this -- ( breath ) he's down! and he'll never get up! >> trevor: old man fight! old man fight! old man fight! ( applause ) this would be hilarious. goaget ready to stumble! they going to knock each other's teeth out and put them back in? i think they should fight to raise money for charity. it's a win-win. biden gets to stand up to trump and trump gets to secretly keep the money for charity. everyone wins. will joe biden be the democrat who gets to take on trump? we'll stro i wanted see. i'll be honest, part of me hopes that it does happen just so we get to watch the most entertaining debate of all time.

>> sleepy joe biden -- ( cheers and applause ) >> mr. president, speak softly and carry a big stick. ( cheers and applause ) >> go like this. he's down! and he'll never get up! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ oh, pete!?! c'mon man. what? we said pantyhose right? here, eat this... creamy snickers®. you could use a little smoothness. pete? pete zagorin? get smooth with the fresh-ground nut butters in new creamy snickers®. ♪ ♪

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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." black people and hip-hop. black people and r&b. black people and funk. those all make sense. but what about black people and country? roy wood, jr. has the answer in another installment of "cp time." ♪ ♪ >> ah, welcome to "cp time." the only show that's for the culture. today, we will be discussing country music and black folks. which to a lot of people sounds like cheddar cheese on top of sesame chicken, they don't go together well, and if you demand it at a panda express, you will be banned for life. anyway, recently, a lot of people have been mesmerized by lil' nas x, he hit the top of

his charts with his country song "old town road." there's been a debate on whether or not this song was rap or country. but if you ask me, it's country. the song mentioned a tractor, and tractors are only in the country. in fact, the only time a rapper talks about john deere is if he shot somebody named john deere. and even in that instance you would call him j.d.eezy. i have believe many people are adverse to calling this song country because they don't think black people can make that type of music. but if you look at the history books, there has been a long history of blacks in the genre. when leslie riddle was discovered in tennessee in the 20s. to deford bailey, the first country music black or white to play the grand ole opry. and my grant great aunt roya wood, jr., who made the smash hit, don't mind the mustache, featuring jimmy lightfoot.

but nobody did country music bigger than the legendary charlie pride. charlie pride put up 29 number one singles on the country music charts between 1966 and 1989, and if you're wondering how a black man could be a country music star in the 1960s, it's because talent overcomes racism. also because most radio listeners didn't realize he was a black man. charlie pride must have been putting on that white voice. black people keep that voice in their back pocket. i use my white voice when debt collectors call me on the telephone because they give white people extra time. oh, i'm so sorry, i didn't know my bill was due, oh, my goodness. (white voice). and it's not just black men. the point rp sisters broke through in country music long before anyone knew them for r&b hits. the most memorable achievements was at the 1975 grammys where they won best country and weston

vocal performance. still to this day, the only country grammy won by black women. now, some say beyonce should have won that award for that song "daddy's lessons," but seems like the country academy was not ready for that gel ly. so thank you mr. nas x. you are reminded that black people are not limited by how they are perceived and inspired me to enter the world of country music as well. hootie blowfish can't be the only person out here. darius rucker, cowboy troy. i've got a little something i'd like to play for you all and strum a little note here. ( tapping ) ♪ well -- ( broke a string ) ( applause ) >> guitars are racist. that's all the time we have for today. i'm roy wood, jr., and this has

been "cp time." remember, we're for the culture. and anybody know how to fix this damn thing? ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: roy wood, jr., everybody! we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) my name is bailey and this is ethan. go! that isn't getting any easier. that isn't getting any easier. this is cj, the greatest addition to our pack. doggie. but i could tell my time was coming to an end. when you come back the next time, take care of cj. i promise. i was back and i would be there for cj. i don't have all the answers but i know we end up where we're meant to be.

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♪i want it that way the original, now it's hot. cake in the conference room! showing 'em you're ready to be your own boss. that's the beauty of your smile. bring out the best in it with crest 3d white. crest removes 95% of surface stains... in just three days. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the creator, writer and star of the new netflix series "special." >> the kids screamed at me. usually when i tell people i have cp, they're just, like, gross. and going -- >> people don't really understand your disability. looks different on everybody. simon says straighten.

>> oh, that ass is everything to me. >> hey, hey, focus. yeah, save that for girned. >> i love that you think i have enough self-esteem to be on grinder. what would my profile even say? i'm gay and disabled, but i promise not to drill on you till the third date. >> trevor: please welcome ryan o'connell. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome. >> hi. >> trevor: how you doing, ryan? >> i'm good. thank you for having me. >> trevor: welcome to the show, and congratulations on your show, first and foremost. >> thank you, thank you. >> trevor: yeah, it's a journey that you have been on that i don't think anyone would have predicted include you canself because you first wrote about your life, and it was meant to just be, you know, paperback and you were going to get the story out there, all of a sudden it blows up and jim

parsons sees the story and says, i love this, we should make it into a tv show. that's what you've done. you've written a story about your life and based on a true story, you're a disabled person who's also gay, and it's one of the funniest premises as ever because you come out as gay but are worried about coming out as disabled. that's wild. >> i come from a big gay family. coming out is mbd for me. it's, like, what closet is this bitch going to hide ( ( laughter ) i was born with a mild case of cerebral palsy. i never really related to it. i got hit by a car when i was 20 years old, i moved to new york to go to school and everyone thought my limp was from my car accident. i thought, life hack, i can just be an accident victim now. ( laughter ) i hope we don't get hit by a car, but anyone could.

everyone is, like, oh, my god, it's so sad! with cp they're, like, it's so confusing. i did a life hack but it ended up hacking my life. >> trevor: you have a story where the truth comes out and you start being yourself. >> i was the boy in the bubble when the bubble pops. yeah, no, it's a journey, though. this character struggles with internalized ableism and, you know, when you're growing up in an ableist society, you're basically taught to hate who you are if you're disabled. >> trevor: right. >> the journey to self-love is really long, like maybe four seasons. ( applause ) maybe five, i don't know. so much growing to do. >> trevor: so much growing. >> so much growing. >> trevor: so much growing to do. >> so much limping. ( laughter ) >> trevor: you know what i love about you is i remember watching the show, and i was, like, you have such a sneaky way about you because you're so

self-aware and you're also aware of the world and how we perceive you as a person. you're almost like an emotional kaisekeyser söze. was it difficult making jokes where people start out being comfortable and realizing these jokes aren't about you or the disability but how the world struggles to figure it out with the disability? >> yeah, i think jokes should never be on the powerless, it should always be on the powerful. it was important to me my disability should never be the punch line. >> trevor: right. >> but when you give the disabled hearne the agency and license to tell the story, you will get the best story, because i lived it. so it was important to me i create an accurate representation of being disabled. >> trevor: one of the moments that sticks with everyone is there was a gay sex scene in the show and it's a gay sex scene many have never seen before on tv and i like you chose to do it very specifically.

why? >> no one's seen it but many people have lived it. ( laughter ) so when that happens i'm just confused. i'm, like, i know plenty of people have been ago anal sex for a long time and why has it not been shown in an accurate way. that scene was not fun to shoot. it was really difficult to be on my back for eight hours. but i think we did it. >> trevor: you did it. >> yeah. >> trevor: i think you made a show that has a lot of heart. it's funny. it's uncomfortable at moments in the right way and most importantly a show that could easily stick with people for four, five, maybe six seasons. >> oh, six. netflix, hello? ( laughter ) are their ears ringing? >> trevor: thank you so much for being on the show. i appreciate it. super funny show. "special" is streaming on netflix. ryan o'connell, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ♪

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>> trevor: well, that's our show for tonight. before we go, detroit and chicago, this weekend i'm bringing my arena tour to your city, so, hopefully, i will see you at the shows. if not you know where i will be on monday. here it is, your moment of zen. >> nbc news matt bradley is in eastern syria in an area where the last remnants of the islamic state and so-called caliphate were. matt, what's the situation for you? ( cheers and applause ) ♪ [ dramatic music plays ] ♪ [ audience shouting ]