wipe out everyone below the age of 65! - wipe 'em out? what are you, senile? - come on, everyone! it's time to plan phase two! what the heck? hah? what is this? it's 6:00 a.m.; country kitchen should be open! - it's not open? has to be! - try a window! - they're blocked from the inside! - no... no, let us in! let us in! - open the door! - it's 6:00 a.m.! - it's 6:00 a.m.! - i'm hungry. - open the country kitchen buffet! - you have to let us in! - [groaning] - all right, everyone, area secure! collect their weapons and free the hostages. that was a great strategy, boys. you may very well have saved this entire country.

- [yawning] what happened? is it over? - everything is fine. control of the town is back to you folks. - country kitchen... what happened? - sir, what should we do with this one? - it's up to the townspeople. - well, i think he learned his lesson, huh? don't you feel silly now, dad? i think somebody owes us all an apology. yes, he does. - oh, stop it, dad! this is partly your fault! - huh? - look, all grandpa wants is not to be talked to like a child. i think half of what he was angry about wasn't what you were doing, but how you were doing it. - that's right. - and, grandpa, you should be proud that you made it though life to be a senior, but you should also realize that when you get behind the wheel you're a killing machine. - i know. i guess sometimes us seniors need to know when to stop driving so we don't put the responsibility on our families. - well, i think this has been a real learning experience for the marsh family. people died, but we all grew a little. let's just go home. - sure, i'll drive. - [laughs] that's our grandpa! [laughter] - dude, i hate my family.

captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com comedy central >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause )

>> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody. thank you so much for tuning in. thank you for coming out! oh, yeah. i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight-- our guest tonight is the host of "the late late show," james corden is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) so excited! yeah, we were going to do carpool karaoke, but it turns out that show doesn't work in new york. yeah, the traffic is crazy. we're sitting in the car like ♪ we belong"-- get out of the way, ashole! ♪ together also on tonight's show, d-day is happening all over again. thump's tweets are back in a bang, and the new superstar of the democratic race. let's catch up on today's headlines. today marked the 75th anniversary of d-day. the day when the allies sent ray bunch of dick pics to the nazi and when the allied forces bravely stormed the beaches of

normandy to rescue matt damon, and he still got his ass stranded on mars. get it together, matt! ( laughter ) now,en has a different way of commemorating d-day, but one veteran did it in style. >> a d-day veteran returned to the skies to parachute again the same landing he did 75 years ago. this is an amazing story. he is 97-year-old tom rice. there is mr. rice. he made the jump once again in france. this time it was a tandem jump, and no one was shooting at him, fortunately. ( laughter ). >> trevor: work wow. 97 years old and he jumped out of a plane again. yeah, that's amazing. that's what that is. and honestly, honestly, i don't know what's scarier, parachuting into nazi territory on the real d-day, or being the jump expert today who is responsible for not hurting a 97ed nearly veteran. ( laughter ) because if that landing goes

wrong, the veteran's going to be mad. he's going to be like, "i survived hitler but it looks like "butterfingers barry" over here finished the job. who needs nazis and you have numb skulls." by the way, that wasn't actually a commemorative jump. those two guys were just flying to france on spirit airlines. ( laughter ) spirit airlines: you know what? just let me out here. ( laughter ) but for real, though, thank you so much to all of the brave world war ii veterans. you made enormous sacrifices to defeat some very fine people on both sides. ( laughter ) all right, let's move on. in technology news, the fight against climate change is one that the tech sector is trying to tackle head on. and now, they just got joined by a really powerful face. >> robert downey jr., he plays a genius in the iron man movies, tony stark, the industrialist, at a tech conference put together by amazon, he took the stage, said, "look, i'm night genius. didn't even graduate from high school, but i recently met with

some geniuses and they told me we could significantly clean up environmental problems on this planets with-- drum role-- robots and nanotechnology. he started the footprint coalition that is going to make this idea a reality. >> between robotics and nanotechnology we can probably clean up the planet significantly, if not entirely, within a decade. >> trevor: okay, that sounds amazing. i think what makes it extra cool is who is saying it. it's tony stark. yeah, it almost feels like robert has played iron man so long now he is living it. which makes sense. when you play a character over a decade you will become a little like them. it probably explains why i see mark ruff low running around without a shirt. and he ran into the tree and he refused to break character. also, i was on a lot of drugs. trust me, i'll tell you guys now, i know what it's like to get stuck nay character that you play. the other day after taping "the

daily show," i was still talking in a south african accent for hours, hours. ( laughter ) all right, finally, moving on to the world of retail, walmart. it's like amzonk except you deliver yourself to the store. recently, america's largest private employer got a visit from america's loudest employee. >> bernie sanders made headlines today when he appeared at walmart's shareholder meeting and accused of company of paying employees what he called starvation wages. >> despite the incredible wealth of its owners, walmart pays many of its employees starving wages. frankly, the american people are sick and tired of subsidizing the greed of some of the largest and most profitable corporations in this country. >> trevor: yeah. bernie sanders! ( cheers and applause ) wow! this man does not mess around. he showed up to question walmart face to face. although, it is a little selfish for bernie to ask for higher

wages since he works part time there as a greater, i mean. ( laughter ) on the weekends he's like, "america needs a revolution, and if you need pepto, it's in aisle 12 next to the paper towels." ( laughter ) but you know what, all joking aside, this is what i love about bernie sanders. he doesn't just shout about policy from washington, about what needs to change. he goes to the action. he goes to the walmart meeting. that's blazing. like, if bernie was a "game of thrones" fan he wouldn't be complaining online about the ending like everyone else. he would be like, "this storyline makes no sense. i should be the queen of the north!" all right, that's it for the headlines. let's move on to our top story. ( cheers and applause ) so, we're now just 515 days away from the 2020 presidential election. ( laughter ) which is barely enough time to cook a 30-minute meal 25,000 times. ( laughter ) and right now, the democratic

primary has 24 candidates, which is insane. look at all of those faces. look at all of those faces. and one of those candidates is having a big moment right now. >>ed with war'now. >elizabeth warren's popularity s gaining in the polls nationally. >> the massachusetts senator is sitting third in the crowded democratic primary field, trailing former environment joe biden, and senator bernie sanders. >> elizabeth warren got one of the biggest applauses and one of the biggest recessions from the california state democratic convention. >> they are telling you they will not fight for you. not me. i'm here to fight. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's right. elizabeth warren has surged into third place in the crowded democratic field. so right now, it goes 76-year-old biden, then 77-year-old bernie, and 69-year-old warren. like, this doesn't look like a group of presidential front-runners. it looks like the castave morgan freeman movie about old people go on one last heist.

"this is it, people, we're doing it." this is something you would never see in africa. no one is become president at the age of 70. when you're planning on running a country for 40 years, that's too old, my friend, just too old. ( laughter ) and for a long time-- for a long time-- i like how you got it in a wave. that was interesting. you guys got it and then you were like, "wait a minute!" now, for a long time, the thing most people have focused on when it comes to elizabeth warren has been the controversy about her claiming native american heritage. but the fact that warren is 1/1000 native american is only 1/1000 of her story. and since she's now in the top three democrats we thought we'd learn more about her story in our recurring segment, "getting to know dem." ( cheers and applause ) so elizabeth warren, you might think of her as part of the coastal elites, you know, being a senator from massachusetts and

owning her very own eyeglasses. so fancy. but you may be surprised to find out she came from very humble roots. >> warren was born in small-town oklahoma in 1949. donald herring, her father, was a janitor. her mother, pauline a stay-at-home mom. >> she taught special needs children in the 1970s before eventually becoming a law professor, most recently at harvard law school. >> warren, perhaps unsurprisingly, didn't follow the traditional norms when she decide bruce mann, a professor of law at harvard, was the one. she asked him to marry her. >> i still remember the first time i really noticed him, he had on shorts. great legs. ( laughter ). >> trevor: geez, warren, keep it in your pants! ( laughter ) i mean, really. of? i have a hard time believing that this guy's legs were so amazing that she did-- wow. okay. oh, damn, i take it back. those are great legs. you get tgirl.

also it was pretty progressive for a woman in the 70s to be the one to propose to a man, yeah. in fact, for all those ladies out there whose boyfriends are taking too long, yeah? you know what to do. yeah. ( cheers and applause ) you know what to do. go ask elizabeth warren's husband to marry you. yeah. ( laughter ) we were on the same page, right? yeah. and elizabeth warren wasn't just asking guys with great leg legso marry her. no. while she taught at harvard, she became one of the country's top experts on bankruptcy. and not in the donald trump kind of way. no. ( laughter ) she knew the law so well, that she would often be called to testify in front of congress. and one of those hearings from maybe 15 years ago is pretty wild to watch now. >> joe biden and elizabeth warren facing off more than a decade ago over a biden-backed bill making it more difficult for people to file for bankruptcy. >> they have squeezed enough out of these families in interest and fees and payments that-- >> maybe we should talk about usury rates, then. maybe that's what we should be

talking about. >> senator, i'll be the first. invite me. >> i know you will. but call a spade a spade. >> can't take away the last shred of protection for these families. >> you're very good, professor. >> trevor: "i want to kill you right now." that's what that smile was. but you see, that's one of the reasons people like elizabeth warren so much. because she's been fighting ghaens the predatory practices of banks and credit card companies. and this was long before it was cool. unlike jibe joe biden. who once upon a time was fighting for credit card companies, which was never cool, look crocs or taking your cousin to prom. and because of her efforts to take on corporate america, warren became such a popular fig outer left, when she proposed creating a new federal agency to protect consumers, president obama want the her to lead it, but the g.o.p. had other ideas. >> the c.f.p.b. is the brainchild of former harvard law professor elizabeth warren. she first proposed creating the

agency in 2007 as a way to better regulate mortgages, student alones and other financial products. >> she was president obama's pick to run the c.f.p.b. but republican senators on capitol hill refused to even consider confirming her. >> we're pretty unenthusiastic about the possibility of elizabeth warren. we're pretty unenthusiastic, frankly, about this new agency. >> trevor: ( mumbling ) ( laughter ) i'm not surprised. mitch mcconnell is unenthusiastic about everything. jesus christ could return to earth and mcconnell would be like, "why is this such a big deal? i mean, i died four decades ago. you don't see me bragging." i feel like mitch mcconnell is so low energy, if he did cocaine it would just ramp him up to normal. he would be like ( mumbling ) all right, guys, let's start this meeting. ( laughter ) so it turns out, back in the day, elizabeth warren was (bleep), and never got to run

the c.f.p.b. but move may have backfired because a year later, she ran for senate and became mcconnell's mccoworker. and from there, her popularity just kept on rising. >> the new senator shaking up the democratic party. elizabeth warren's tough take on wall street has made her a folk hero on the left. >> wherever she goes in the country, she brings giant crowds to their feet. >> u.s. senator only a year, she's now making an even bigger splash. a draft movement is already under way. >> an open letter from more than 300 former obama campaign staffers urging elizabeth warren to run for president. warren was adamant she is not getting in the game. >> there's no way you're going to run in 2016? >> i'm not running for president. you can ask it lots of different ways. >> trevor: wow. times have really changed in four years, huh? back then, democrats were refusing to run for president, even when they had a ton of support. now, if one person is nice to them on the streets, the democrats are like, "the people

have spoken! i must run for president!" actually i was just saying, "nice shoes." "and i'll use these shoes to walk straight into the white house!" ( applause ) so elizabeth warren turned down the chance to run for president in 2016, a year many of you have may have blocked from your memory. but now, she's making waves in the 2020 race, and, incredibly, she's managed to stand out in this crowded field, thanks to her unique strategy of... having a plan. ( laughter ). >> 2020 presidential candidate elizabeth warren, the senator, is making a mark on this race with these six words, "i've got a plan for that." >> i got a plan. i have got plans. i got a plan. >> senator elizabeth warren rolls out a sweeping plan that would wipe out student debt for millions of americans. >> a detailed plan to invest $2 trillion over 10 years in green manufacturing, research and trade. >> breaking up amazon, google, and other big tech giants. >> focusing her first policy

plan as a 2020 candidate on creating a wealth tax. >> if we put that two-cent wealth tax in place on the 75,000 largest fortunes in this country-- two cents-- we can do universal child care for every baby 0-5, universal pre-k, universal college, and knock back the student loan debt burden for 95% of our students and still have nearly $1 trillion left over. >> trevor: damn! ( cheers and applause ) damn! elizabeth warren has some really detailed, well-thought-out plans. which is great, if she becomes president. the only down side is that's going to be one giants-ass hat. you can't run with that. that (bleep) people's necks. luckily, free health care, so it works. so that's elizabeth warren. third place in the race, lots of detailed ideas, and a long

history to back them up. and, look, we still have a long way to go until the primaries, but for right now, it seems that, much like her husband, this campaign has legs. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) puppy school is in session. bunny, bunny, bunny! alright, alright. what's going on? my owner got a new puppy. my name is tiny. nobody cares. almost time for me to go. well, what if i...

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." it's no secret that president trump loves twitter. ( laughter ) it's the only love affair he's had that didn't end in hush- money payments. in fact, trump loves twitter so much he actually based his hair style on the twitter bird. yeah. a lot of people don't know that.

in fact, twitter is so important to him, that even during his state visit to the u.k, he made time to tweet about the important things happening back home. >> overnight, the president indulged in a memorable, long-- some might say inevitable-- social media tirade, half a dozen pent-up attacks on-- we're quoting here-- "sleepy joe biden, "crying chuck schumer," and this one: "washed up psycho bette midler," the actress. >> trevor: okay. i know this isn't the point, but "washed up psycho" makes it sound like she used to be successful at being a psycho, and now her psycho agent won't return her calls. grammar. ( laughter ) and, look, i know we've all gotten used to this from donald trump, but i just want to take i moment to remind people that it's not normal for the president of the united states to be attacking individual americans. abraham lincoln wasn't running around like, "four score and

seven years ago, bob was a douchebag, and he'll still be one in another four score and seven years. kill yourself, bob!" ( laughter ) but i guess this is why trump loves twitter, right. he gets to be as outrageous and unfiltered as he wants, and people take notice. although, lately, they seem to be taking a little less notice. >> according to new reporting from axios, president trump's tweets just aren't packing the same punch anymore, with interaction falling dramatically in recent months, despite a significant uptick in use. >> the interactions with his tweets-- in other words, the number of times someone retweets a tweet or likes a tweet-- has been dropping. so his tweets are having a bit less impact. >> trevor: that's right. donald trump's engagement on twitter is down. and i think i know why he's struggling. he's tweeted so much crazy stuff, that we've built up a tolerance. yeah. two years ago, trump could call kim jong-un "little rocketman," and we'd start preparing for world war iii.

now he could tweet that the u.s. is actually invading canada, and we'd be like, "wow, can't believe he smelled canada correctly. he's really maturing." ( laughter ) but here's my theory, maybe trump has been working so hard on making america great again, that he hasn't had time to make his twitter great again. and here at the "the daily show," we can't allow that. which is why we want to help him remember how amazing his twitter can be. so if i could address the president directly for a second. i'll be back. hi, donald. ( laughter ) we don't talk anymore. ( laughter ) how are the kids? disappointments? anyway, i-- ( applause ) i wanted to extend an invitation to help you get your twitter groove back. "the daily show" is bringing the daily show" presents the dondal justment trump presidential twitter library to washington, d.c. where everyone can visit and relive all of your greatest works. it's an interactive experience with visitors can bask in your collective wisdom, commemorate your deleted stweets, and get a

selfie with covfefe. they can even sit on your golden throne. the library will be free and open to the public next weekend, june 14-16, and the best part is it's right around the corner from the white house. so, mr. president, why not take a break from your empty schedule and stop by. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ♪you put your right arm in, you put your right arm out,♪ ♪you put your right arm in, and then you shake it all about♪ ♪you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around.♪ ♪that's what it's all about. ♪you put your whole self in, you put your whole self out,♪

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and i got it with wi-fi for all of your wi-fi stuff, wireless charging for your phone. cool! wait til you check out the back! that's a lot of groceries. look at my strong man! don't patronize me... the new buick envision is full of surprises. current eligible gm owners get up to 16 percent below msrp on most of these 2019 buick models. that's just over 7 thousand on this envision premium. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an emmy and tony award-winning actor, writer, producer, and host of cbs' "the late late show." this sunday, he will host the "tony awards" for the second time. >> think of tonight as the oscars but with diversity. ( cheers and applause ) and it is, it really is. ladies and gentlemen, it is so

diverse, that donald trump has threatened to build a wall around this theater. ( cheers and applause ) but, ladies and gentlemen, this is an absolute thrill for me. i cannot begin to tell you what it means to me to be hosting this show. this is like the super bowl for people who don't know what the super bowl is. ( laughter ) >> trevor: please welcome james corden! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: finally! finally! >> i'm so happy to be here. >> trevor: so, i am beyond excited to have you here because, like, you have come in and genuinely changed, in many ways, that people perceive not just late night but television. because i remember when you started on the show, everyone was like, "oh, who is this guy?

he's starting at, like, 12:37 at at night, and what is this thing going to be?" and overnight, you took what was once a fringe time slot and turned it into a big explosion, thanks to your ideas, including carpool karaoke. ( applause ) has that changed the way you see the medium as a whole? >> uh, i don't think so. i think we always thought that's what we were-- we were going to do. we were going to try to, you know. we didn't know that we would-- it would happen-- we had no idea that it would or could happen as quickly as it did. >> trevor: right. >> but our-- i mean, essentially, my-- my ego won't allow me to recognize that i'm making a show that airs at 12:37 at night. >> trevor: right. >> if i think about that too long, i'll just really get depressed. ( laughter ) so we were like, "well, there's nothing we can do about that. so hang on. wait. the internet. we'll use that." so we only really think of our show as not really being in a time slot. we think of it as, well, it

launches at that time, and people can find it whenever they want to, whether that's years down the line or days or the next morning on their journey to work, lunch break-- whenever. it's the kind of wonderful thing about making shows like this right now in this particular time. >> trevor: definitely. and here's the thing. it's not just about time. i think it's also about place. you know, your show was one of the first that really blew up on an international level the same way. everywhere you went, people were talking about carpool karaoke. they had the sense of what a rap battle was, and the whole vibe had changed. when you are making carpool karaoke-- a lot of people don't know this-- you guys struggled to get people on that show. >> oh, we couldn't get anybody. yeah, we couldn't get-- get-- i mean, honestly. >> trevor: and now people are like, "james, when am i coming on your show in? >> it's kind of lovely. honestly, we really-- i really-- i really always believed in the idea. i always thought, "oh, this is-- i think this is a good idea." >> trevor: yes. >> but it's quite an interesting game you can play with the audience. if everybody in the audience, if

everybody now, just in your own mind-- don't say it out loud, and you, do it, trevor-- think of a recording artist, a living recording artist. has everybody got one? they said no. ( laughter ) it's not a lie. it's the absolute truth. ( laughter ) and so then we-- and it was just a chance meeting with mariah carey's publicist, and she was about to put some new dates on in vegas. >> trevor: yes, yes. >> and i showed her a clip of me doing it and a sketch with george michael that i had done at home for "comic relief." >> trevor: right, right. >> and she loved george michael. and mariah carey was like, "if it's good enough for george, it's good enough for me." and that was it. and nobody thought that it would ever become the thing it's become, but it's crazy. >> trevor: it's crazy. >> trevor: what's impressive is you are doing the tonys and the grammys. it feels like you have more fun at the tonys. what makes it so special? >> well, everybody wants to be there.

( laughter ) that's the first real big difference between the grammys and the tonys, is everybody wants to be there, and they're thrilled that they're all doing this. nobody is going, "i didn't (bleep) win." you know. so it's a very, very supportive community. that entire community of broadway, they are-- these are a lot of people who are squeezed into 12 blocks, back-to-back theaters, and they know each other, and they're friends. and these are people who eight times a week-- look, you think you work hard. i think i work hard. but, like, when you're doing a play or a musical eight times a week with one day off, that is absolute graft. and the reason i want to host the tonys and the reason i want to really try and make it the best show i can is i believe that per square meter, there is no room on earth that holds as many talented people as that room does. >> trevor: wow. >> we're really going to try to make the best and biggest show we can.

i mean, it's terrifying. i had real moments this week where i thought, "i should have just left it with the one i did at 'hamilton'." i really hope we're going to do it-- we're certainly going to stop at nothing to make it a celebration of a group of people that i think at the absolute minimum deserve to be celebrated on television at least once a year. >> trevor: i'll tell you this-- i've never seen james corden not do something at 110% so it's going to rock. we'll see you at the show. >> i hope so. thanks. >> trevor: "the late late show" airs week nights on cbs, and the tony awards will be live on cbs june 9 at 8:00 p.m. james corden everybody! we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) incomparable design makes it beautiful. state-of-the-art technology makes it brilliant. the visionary lexus nx.

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