>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you guys for coming out! oh, yeah! that feels good! let's do it! let's do it! i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight is a democratic congressman from ohio

and a candidate for president of the united states, tim ryan is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) also on tonight's show, everything you see on tv is fake. you meet the dogs who live better than you, and it's now legal for foreign governments to meddle in america's elections. so let's catch up on today's headlines. first up, the college admissions scandal. 3:00 months ago, we found out dozens of parents were paying millions of dollars to cheat their kids' way into college but in their defense, only because their kids were dumb as shit. ( laughter ) the courts gave us a taste of the punishment about to come and it's not very satisfying. >> in boston the first defendant of the massive college cheating scandal today. >> john met guilty to federal racketeering charges, he took $610,000 in bribes to get

students admitted through a side door in stanford. prosecutors asked 13 months in prison, but defendants argued for leniency saying he used the money to pay for sailing uniforms, equipment and staff costs. the former coach of the stanford university sailing team sentenced to one day behind bars, time served, two years probation and a $10,000 fine. >> my actions were wrong. i see that now. but my intentions were to help the team. i will carry this with me for the rest of my life. >> trevor: wow. he got sentenced to just one day? i have been stuck in the airport longer than that. ( laughter ) and it's funny how people only notice that they were doing a bad thing after they get caught. my actions are wrong, i see that. get the (~bleep ) out of here, man! so when you were taking $600,000 in bribes you didn't think that was wrong? it's, like, i'm getting a weird feeling but i want to see where this goes, yeah! ( laughter ) do you understand how greedy it is to take bribes as a sailing

coach? being a sailing coach is already a scavment you just hang out all day on a boat and wear sweats all wrong. you don't have to work, the wind does all the work for you. but let this be a lesson to the kids, if you're black and caught using weed, you could spend years in jail, but if you're a coach at stanford convicted of racketeering charges, you might have to go to prison for the rest of your night! ( laughter ) in other news, the tech industry has recently come under striewnty for how all the products they are offering affects society at large and today members of congresses held a hearing on deep fakes. >> deep fakes, if you don't know what a deep fake is, it's artificial intelligence technology that can create realistic looking but fake videos. how intelligence committee is going to discuss the challenges of deep fakes and other manipulated media. congress has gotten very worried about how easy it is to fake media and how it could impact the upcoming 2020 election.

>> there have already been a number of prominent deep fakes spread online and last week artists uploaded this deep fake video of facebook c.e.o. mark zuckerberg delivering an ominous message. how did he make a convincing fake? with free software, a regular desktop computer and basic programming. >> trevor: this is really scary, especially with the presidential election coming up because bad guys could use this technology of making videos of candidates saying things they didn't say. they could make candidate say something racist or with trump they can make him say something not racist. ( laughter ) this isn't just about politicians. any of us can get defaked. you could see deep faked videos of me on "dancing with the stars," even though that never, never happened! ( laughter ) personally, i can tell which videos are real and fake. i work with videos all day. but i worry about you guys.

i had my graphics team here make a deep fake to help teach you how to spot the difference. >> i think we're very alike in many ways and i think that's what make it work and that's why people respond to the fact that we got together. >> we're alive, except i can't sing, dance, and i don't look like her, besides, i was a twin. >> trevor: they just played a real video of me and my wife j. lo sorry, we'll try to find the fake video later. moving on, sad news to record. white house secretary sarah huckabe -- white house presssecs is quitting. ( laughter ) i said she's quitting. ( laughter ) and we know that this is true because she's denied it. ( laughter ) this news isn't that surprising because you realize she stopped giving press conferences months ago. so she was quitting what she already wasn't doing.

she basically quit being press secretary the same way trump quit cross fit. ( laughter ) moving on, breaking news about a major archeological discovery that will blow your mind, man. >> and it turns out people have been getting high on pot for at least 2500 years. archeologists in far western china say they have found the earliest direct evidence of marijuana use, it includes ten wooden bowls containing burned residue of pot apparently used in burial rituals. >> trevor: turns out humans have been getting high since 500bc! so i guess now we know why they call it the stone age. yeah! ( humming ) if i had a band, i would have killed it harder. ( laughter ) archeologists found bowls with burned weed and prehistoric d.v.d.s of dude what's a car. it must be weird discovering

weed as a cave man. he must have been like, man, this weed is as mazing and once we discover fire this shit is going to hit even harder, man! moving on to the main story. ( cheers and applause ) let's talk about strangers. as kids, we were all taught the same lesson, if a stranger tries to talk to you, you run away and tell your mom. in fact, you all probably remember nose hilarious p.s.a.s that were on tv all the time. >> you've already been told about strangers dressing up in if you know forms, but there are other traps you need to know about. >> hey, kid, i'll teach you how to hit this ball right over the fence. come on, it will be fun. >> trust your own feelings! >> hey, kid. how you doing? you know, we're making a movie over there. you want to go see it? >> mm-hmm! >> only professional agencies

hire kids for tv work. stay away from people in cars or vans. >> your mom's hurt, she's in the hospital, she sent me to come get you. >> what's the secret code word? >> i don't know the code word. >> you don't need to get near the car to talk to someone inside. >> trevor: she got away quickly. she gave that woman half a second to prove herself and usain bolted out of there. she left town forever! no code word! was it just me or were some of the actors in the p.s.a. too good? like that toe tickler over here, huh? that guy's either the best actor in the world or he wasn't acting at all. we all got the message, it's not safe to take candy from strangers. yesterday, we found out about one person who clearly never learned that lesson growing up and that person is now the president of the united states. >> breaking news stunning words from the president tonight. trump saying moments ago that he

would take dirt on his 2020 political opponent if russia, china or any foreign country offered that dirt. that he'd take the dirt and not call the f.b.i. >> trevor: okay, this is just crazy, people. after everything this country has gone through, huh? russia meddling, two years of mueller, and that shitty "game of thrones" ending, after all of that, trump has turned around and said that he would accept foreign help to win the 2020 election! like apparently foreign dirt is the only import he won't put tariffs on. in a way it makes sense, why would donald trump do anything differently in 2020 if he never faced consequences for 2016? he won the election, he's not being charged, he's definitely not being impeached. from his perspective, it turned out great like touching a hot stove ant getting an orgasm. doesn't happen that way for most people, but if it works for you, you will keep touching hot stoves all the time, thhhhh!

aaahhh! when he gets in trouble, it's usually a tweet he sends that everybody interprets different way. this time it's from the horse's mouth. >> if someone offers you information on the opponent, russia, china, should you support or call the f.b.i.? >> you might be do both. i think you might want to listen. there's nothing listening. if somebody called from a country, norway, we have information on your opponent, oh, i think we want to hear it. >> trevor: norway? who's talking about norway? norway's not roipght trying to meddle in america's election. what secret information would norway even have? hello, don't know if you know, but kamala harris likes fjords. also pete buttigieg likes fjords, and elizabeth warren likes small fjords. all of our information is about fjords! ( laughter ) why bring up norway?

of course, trump loves norway. i bet if zimbabwe called trump for any reason, he would be, like, hello, 911, i'd like to report a shit hole country! ( laughter ) and even when stephanopoulos pressed trump, trump doubled and tripled down. >> let's put yourself in the position, you're a congressman, someone comes up, says, hey, i have information on your opponent. do you call the f.b.i.? >> if not from rust, i think you do. >> you don't call the f.b.i., you throw somebody out of your office. >> al gore got a stolen briefing book, he called the f.b.i. >> this is somebody who said we have information on your opponent. oh, let me call the f.b.i. give me a break. life doesn't work that way. >> the f.b.i. director says that's what should happen. >> the f.b.i. director is wrong. ( audience reacts ) >> trevor: whoa, is f.b.i.

director is wrong. i guess trump likes law and order until the law doesn't follow his orders. that's a weird one. did anybody picked up the part where he says i've seen a lot of things in my life but never called the f.b.i.? i wonder what other crimes trump witnessed he didn't report -- i've seen it all, murderers, kidnappings, weirdoes tickling kids' feet, but i ain't no snitch! ( laughter ) here's the thing, this is not one of those issues that's left versus right, democrat versus republican. no, in fact, even trump's loyal subjects are calling him out. >> some republicans who are normally hesitant to rebuke the president are speaking out. >> yeah, my reaction is he should reach out to the f.b.i. >> the appropriate action to take is to call the f.b.i. >> i think it's a mistake. i think it's a mistake of law. i don't want to send a signal to encourage this. >> nothing's free in this world. you don't want a foreign government or foreign entity giving you information because

they're going to want something back. if anybody knows that, it's the president because there is no free lunch. if someone gives you free information, they want influence. >> trevor: yes, the man on the couch is right. nothing in life is free. i know right now in the audience you're thinking, what do you mean, trevor, tickets to "the daily show" are free. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) yeah, yeah. that's what we told you on the way in. ( laughter ) but now it's time to pay. because look, here's the thing, republicans agree on this, democrats agree, now the couch people are saying it, everyone is against trump's pro meddling policy. trump decided to do this thing on his own and now he's had to get on twitter to try to do damage control. >> it's clear this morning that the president is a bit defensive, he is tweeting about it. i meet and talk to gosh fofts every day. i met with the queen of eke ladged, u.k., prince of wales,

the u.k., the president of poland. should i call the f.b.i. ability these? how ridiculous, i would never be trusted gone, he writes. >> trevor: there's different between foreign nations slipping you dirt on your opponent and talking with the queen. hello, f.b.i., the queen just farted! she called it a butt brexit but i know what it means! ( laughter ) unless trump secretly met with free willy, that's not how you spell prince of wales. that's a different thing! ( applause ) but, look, man, typos are the least of america's problems right now. ( laughter ) because the president of the united states has basically invited foreign governments to interfere in america's elections if it will help him win. that can be a really dangerous thing. that could get him and america into big trouble. so, look, to help the president understand how serious this is, we decided to make a p.s.a. just

for him. >> hello, mr. president. it's me, officer roy. and i'm here to give you tips on how to say no to collusion. >> i am sexy russian spy. i use this portable super computer to hack d.n.c. servers. please to come with me and do collusion. >> stay away from russians that are just trying to help. >> hey, i'm canadian. you want to hear secrets aboot pete buttigieg being gay? >> if a foreign agent approaches you, run away and call f.b.i. >> i'll trade you for the nuclear codes. >> sorry, it's time for my golf game. >> what? a game? >> now you got it. just say no to collusion! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: we'll be right back everybody!

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." you know, some new stories help us understand the world we live in, and some news stories are just stupid. for those, we turn to ronny chieng. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> one thing i've learned about americans is that americans love their pets, and i'm here to say why? pets are kind of stupid. i mean, you spend all your time picking up their poop, then on top of that, when they die, you have the go through all the trouble of throwing them in your neighbor's yard?

no thanks. but that's just me, okay. other people obsessed with their betts and it's quite frankly getting out of control. >> dog owners often consider their pets part of the family. >> and a new trend has some families treating their furry friends more like people. >> it's called the humanization of pets and it's become a big business across america. massages, blueberry facials, even paw-dicures. >> this is where dogsies come for their ultimate spa treatment, a massage and grooming. >> this is ridiculous. dogs don't need a spa day. every day of a dog's life is a spa day. someone feeds you, bathes you, they roll over, get a massage. when i roll over on the massage table, i get arrested. okay, yeah, that makes sense. ( laughter ) ( applause ) people aren't just throwing away the money on dog spas, they're wasting it on fine doggy dining. >> a man hasn't restaurant rolled out a special menu just

for dogs. >> check out what's on it. a $42 rib buy steak with steamed veggies, lemon drizzled salmon filet $20, grilled chicken breast $16, light bites of carrots and apples and a berry bowl. >> why are you feeding dogs $40 stakes? you realize dogs will eat their own poop. ( laughter ) in fact, if i ran this restaurant, i would take poop from the last dog customer and feed it to the next. the dogs will be just as happy and you're recycling. dog facials, dogmas sages, dog steaks, and if you want an extra helping of dumbass dog ideas, how about dog mansions? >> the company in london launched what's likely the most lavish dog houses you've ever seen. >> talk about a pampered pooch here. take a look. each kennel has air conditioning and heating and treat dispensers and a conference calling system so you can commune kit with your pup. by the way, prices start at

$35,000. and go all the way up to $170,000. >> $170,000. i mean, who are these rich crazy caucasians? ( laughter ) ( applause ) this is disgusting okay? millions are in shelters and these rich sons of bitches are living in mansions. i mean literally, their moms be bitches, that's a scientific term. what would a calling system sound like? hey, boy, calling to check in, are you still a bog? ( barking ) okay, cool, bye. you know what? being human sucks. i want to be a dog. i'm officially putting myself up for adoption to be someone's pet. that's right. i can sitting roll over, shake hands, and with a few more weeks of yoga, i soon, too, will be

able to lick my own butthole. >> trevor: ronny chieng, everybody! good boy! ( cheers and applause ) there's a lot of stuff michael follows online. then he tried tostitos scoops and salsa... and he started following them in real life. no! ♪ and kept following... ♪ everywhere. ♪ wow, okay. boundaries, michael, boundaries. hey, mike. sup. oh! tostitos. get together already. corona's first alcohol spiked refresher. introducing corona refresca. in passionfruit lime, guava lime and coconut lime.

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how many 2019 top safety pick plus-winning vehicles does your brand have? one. two. how about eight? subaru has more 2019 top safety pick plus awards than honda and toyota brands combined. there's safe, and then there's subaru safe. ( cheers and applause ) welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight represents ohio's 13th congressional district and is a 2020 democratic presidential candidate. please welcome congressman tim ryan. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thanks for having me. >> trevor: officially, welcome to the debate. you found out today that you have qualified for the debate. >> yes, yes. we're excited about it. yes ( applause ) >> trevor: is that a weight off your shoulders because there

are so many candidates now that it really is, like, who's going to be at the debates and now you will be there. >> yeah, most people would have never give men a chance and here we are and that's kind to have the beginning to have the game and just we're in the game and excited to get our message out. >> trevor: do you likely believe you have a shot in this game? just because you're one of the candidates who live in the place where is you poll between 0 and 2%. i know you don't believe you're out of it. but why? >> where i come from, i represent the forgotten communities of the country. you look at the history of these races, jimmy carter, bill clinton, barack obama, donald trump. >> trevor: right. >> i mean, the winner comes out of -- usually comes out of nowhere, and i think when people hear that i come from a forgotten community, i've represented these forgotten people who have lost jobs the last 30 or 40 years and go back to steel mills closing outside of youngstown ohio in the late 1970s, my father in law was one of them. my cousin donny 15 years ago was a vietnam vet, his last act at

the factory was to unbolt the machine from the factory floor, put it in a box and ship it to china. the general motors factually that used to have 16,000 people is idle. when people hear i know what they're going there and understand it, that's what we need the white house. i make one promise is all i know and promise you is when i walk into that oval office every morning, i won't forget who you are, and i'll know exactly what to do on your behalf. i think when that message gets out, we're going to move. >> trevor: you talk about those people who are in your district and what really is fascinating about those voters is many of them voted for barack obama and then switched to donald trump. who promised that their jobs would come back? >> yeah. >> trevor: as you said, the plants are still closing. >> yeah. >> trevor: but we're reading many still support donald trump. so how would you sway that type of voter who seems to still be with him even though his promises are falling apart? >> you know, i think those articles are overstated. i think the shine is coming off

the apple. people are saying you made all these promises and you haven't delivered. so my argument to the democratic voter is to say, look, who better to prosecute the case on the economy than the very person who represents the communities that donald trump lied to about bringing the economy back? he hasn't done a damn thing. we're still getting our rear ends kicked by china with electric vehicles, with solar panels, with wind turbines, all these manufacturing jobs that i want to bring back, he hasn't done anything to do that. so i'm the best person to prosecute that case and -- prosecutors sorry -- but prosecute that case in western pennsylvania, ohio, michigan, wisconsin, iowa, indiana, those states that we need to win on an economic argument, i believe i'm the best person to do that. >> trevor: you have been big on economics, that's been your talking point for a very long time. you've said that democrats need to talk economics, otherwise they will lose elections. what does that mean when you say that? >> well, it means you have to talk to what people are thinking about and what they're feeling.

57% of the american people still live paycheck to paycheck. 40% to have the american people can't withstand a $400 emergency, which means you blow your tire out or somebody gets sick, your economic life unravels, and we have to speak directly to that. now, those are, you know, the people i represent every single day, and that's what they're thinking about, and it's not just my district. there are tent cities in los angeles, there are people in the fishing through stri on the coasts affected by climate and everything else. they're losing their jobs. there's, you know, manufacturing people in my area and they're not white people. it's white, black, brown, gay, straight, urban, rural people in rural iowa are getting killed right now. farmers haven't made a profit in five years and they have the highest suicide rate. so everyone's hurting now. it's time for us to come together. i think it's time for us to have a nominee and a president who actually understands what everyone's going through and is from a part of the country who's been dealing with this for decades. >> trevor: so do you genuinely

believe that the 23 other candidates don't cover these bases? >> not like i do. >> trevor: right. >> this is where i live. i've lived here 45 years and as i said, my father in law, my cousins, when these factories close, i know who they are. >> trevor: you have the big policies. the challenge will be getting noticed with all the candidates out there. i noticed at the gathering of the democrats that happened out in california, everyone chose a walkout song. ( laughter ) you know, bernie sanders, everyone had a song that said something about them. your song when you walked out was lil nas x old town road. >> yeah. >> trevor: couldn't figure out. what does that mean? what are you saying? >> i had one target audience there. >> trevor: and that was? >> my kids. i wanted to look cool. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: well, i hope you got there, my friend! thank you so much for coming on the show. looking forward to see you at

the debate. >> thank you. >> trevor: congressman tim ryan, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ here are even more reasons to join t-mobile. 1. do you like netflix? sure you do. that's why it's on us. 2. unlimited data. use as much as you want, when you want. 3. no surprises on your bill. taxes and fees included. still think you have a better deal? bring in your discount, and we'll match it. that's right. t-mobile will match your discount. packs carbs to refuel and electrolytes to replenish ♪ so you can bring the heat. nothing beats gatorade. is the most dramatic thing you ever heard in your whole life. what you're about to hear "the secret life of pets 2" is the number one movie in america.

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we deliver more than that. ♪ delivering happy. mcdonalds on uber eats. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: all right, that's our show for tonight but before we go, tomorrow is president trump's birthday, and as a special gift, we are bringing "the daily show"'s donald j. trump presidential twitter library to washington, d.c. for this weekend only. it's our award winning interactive museum dedicated to donald trump's tweets and it's totally free, really free. for hours and locations go to dailyshow.com/twitterlibrary. that's it for today's show. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> i am announcing today that "the daily show" presents the

donald trump presidential twitter library. we're going to have an opening very soon. this weekend, only, right near the white house, in washington, d.c. right now, that i can tell you -- ( cheers and applause ) ♪ - make america great again. why am i walking around wearing a maga hat? make america great again. because as much as i hate to admit, trump and i agree on one way to make america great. with a caveat, though. i don't agree with the totality of his arguments-- just specifically, space exploration. it's what i'm most interested in. - my administration is reclaiming america's heritage as the world's greatest spacefaring nation. - make america great again. with caveats. there are definitely caveats. a lot of them. you have to take it all into account. - [bleep]