- an online chat party for all his friends? dude, i should get over there! [overlapping chatter] - jesus christ. - randy marsh is at work right now. work is boring! randy marsh is at work right now. work is boring! - butters stotch is enjoying stan's chat party! - herbert garrison likes butter's comment! - grandma marsh would like to be friends with kevin donohue. - kevin donahue accepts grandma marsh's friendship! - has anybody seen my stupid profile? - susan92 has pictures of stan in a bunny costume! - gary johnson thinks the pictures are fantastic! - wow, there's a lot of profiles here! kyle broflovski is amazed stan has so many facebook friends! - hey, kyle broflovski is amazed isayah is also a facebook friend of stan's! - isayah zordon is deleting kyle broflovski as a friend. - what? why? - user saw your are friends with kip drordy, who only has one friend. kyle broflovski is bad friend stock. - aw, no, i'm not really friends with him. - ignore. - ugh, that does it!

- all right, all right, enough! everybody just shut up! where is profile stan marsh? - right here. - uh-oh. - "i'm sorry, kip, but i really can't be your friend anymore. "it was a great ride, but i must say good-bye. "this is the hardest thing i've ever had to do, but ending a friendship is never easy." - ha ha ahaaa.

- what do you want from me, dude? - i'm your profile, and as you can see, i am much more powerful than you. - damn it! i should have deleted you a long time ago! - why do you think i brought you in here? the fact of the matter is i'm up and running now with almost a million friends. i don't need you anymore. i have more friends than you'll ever have in the real world. - who cares? friends shouldn't be some kind of commodity for a person's status! - who is more powerful, the user or the profile? let's end this once and for all. - let the final battle begin! - [bleep], yahtzee again? seriously?

- what did i tell you? that's a large flush already! you don't have a chance in here, user! your pathetic little-- - yahtzee. - what? - yahtzee. sixes. - no! it can't be! - yahtzee! - no! aah! - oh...[panting] - oh, thank god. - hey, stan, my computer says we're not friends anymore? - my facebook profile went rogue, dad. had to go into the circuitry and do battle with it. i sent all my friends somewhere else. - oh, okay. so we're--we're not friends then? - [bleep] off, dad. [beep]

- ahhhh. ahhahahahahahaha! from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you for coming out! let's do it! let's do it! i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight is the the managing director of the international monetary fund -- and yes, that is as important as it sounds -- christine lagarde is joining us!

( cheers and applause ) also on tonight's show, o.j. simpson is back. donald trump gives us a special tour of the white house. and we found out how many of mesh's presidents were secretly gay. let's catch up on today's headlines. ♪ let's kick it off with o.j. simpson. the notorious memorabilia thief and officially no other kind of criminal. ( laughter ) over the weekend, a lot of people who opened up twitter got a big surprise. >> there is a lot of reaction to one of the newest members of twitter. o.j. simpson joining the social media site for the first time just days after the 25t 25th anniversary of the murders of his exwife nicole brown simpson and ron goldman. >> hey twitter world, this is yours truly. >> simpson wasting little time to address rumors that have become tabloid fodder over the years. on sunday he said khloe kardashian is not his daughter.

>> no way have i ever had any interest in kris. >> simpson saying he'll use his new platform in a variety of ways. >> i've got a little getting even to do. >> trevor: whoa! i've got a little getting even to do? if you're o.j. simpson, there are phrases you should never use. i got a little getting even to do? no. have you seen my gloves? no. and the worst one, pass a me the knife. no, o.j., you mangkhut your steak with a fork, my friend. ( laughter ) i can't believe o.j. simpson is on twitter. imagine getting a push notification saying o.j. simpson is now following you. ( laughter ) that's the scariest phrase in tension lish language. at least snapchat destroys the evidence for you. apparently, o.j. simpson wants to responds to rumors about him about how he and kris jenner allegedly had an affair and o.j. says it's not true. he'll deny it out but in a year

he'll put out a book called "if i hit it." ( laughter ) some south american countries have troubles but they took it to a new level. >> millions left without electricity in argentina, uruguay and paraguay. the blackout affected subways to traffic lights and water distribution. by late afternoon power had been partially restored. the cause has not been found. >> trevor: okay, this is really weird. three countries in south america all lost power at the exact same time, and i know what some of you are thinking, trevor, isn't that normal in those countries? well, yes, but not like this, not all at once. it's like when you see one or two spiders in your ram and you say, whatever, but if it's waste deep in spiders, some shit has gone down. ( laughter ) the speculation is the outage could have been a cyber attack

and a lot of experts say this could be the future of war where countries will be hacking into each others systems shutting down their grids. the "new york times" reported america is attacking testimony russia's power grid. what if this was russia getting revenge but hitting the wrong switch. vlad says, i'm hatting switch but nothing happening! how about this one? no, that's garbage disposal! ( laughter ) by the way, have you ever noticed how your attitude about a power outage dramatically changes the longer it's going on. if power is out for 30 minutes, it's romantic, light candles. after six hours, i'm going to ambush the neighbor, steal his gun, baby you strangle his grandmother! ( laughter ) news from the democratic primary, pete buttigieg, democratic candidate, mayor of sob and real life boss baby. over the weekend he didn't interview with axios on h.b.o.

and one thing he said took the reporter by surprise. >> if you were to win the nomination, they will say you're too young, too liberal, too gay to be commander-in-chief you. are young, liberal you gay. how will you respond? >> the people will like the person who will make the pest president. we have had excellence presidents who have been young, liberal, i would imagine we had excellent presidents who were gay. we don't know which ones. >> you believe we've had a gay commander-in-chief? >> statisticsly, it's almost stern. >> like, in your reading of history do you believe you know who they are? >> that hasn't worked out for me in the present let alone retroactively. ( laughter ) >> trevor: such a great response. i love how the journalist was stammering. ( laughter ) it's so funny the journalist thinks because buttigieg is gay he automatically knows who else

is gay. like gay people can recognize each other across time. like i tell people who ask if i'm from africa and if i know mufasa, i say, no, we went to different high schools. come on! ( laughter ) buttigieg was different and he could have said any president was gay and the guy would have believed him. thomas jefferson was totally gay. what? how can you tell? oh, i can tell. that would have been it. ( laughter ) there's no way to know for certain which u.s. presidents were gay, there's nothing wrong wit but no way to know. though grover cleveland does have a new cameo in the new taylor swift video, so you never know. moving on to our top story. ( cheers and applause ) phoenix, arizona. when people think of phoenix, what do they think of? no one actually thinks of phoenix, but if they were forced to, what would they think of? it would probably be the extreme heat or a college you can

graduate from in three weeks or the fact that the city's basketball team has the world's most random mascot. seriously, how do you pick a gorilla when you're the "phoenix" suns? you could have been a phoenix or a sun. a gorilla makes no sense! ( laughter ) even gritty makes more sense because that's how you look if you spend your whole life in philly eating cheese steaks, all right? but the gorilla makes no sense. but phoenix has started to become notorious for how bad its police force is with a record 44 police shootings last year. yeah, more than any other large city in america. and now, thanks to cell phone video, we get to see it for ourselves. >> growing outrage tonight after an extreme reaction from phoenix police to a little girl swiping a doll. >> cops in phoenix threaten iesha harper a pregnant woman with two young children by her

side. the video starts after the family pulls aunt the baby sitters, in our approach by police with guns drawn. police officers at times sowmed like hitmen. >> get out the (~bleep )ing car right now! >> get your (~bleep )ing hands up! >> i'm going to put a (~bleep )ing cap right in your head! >> trevor: sweet jesus, i'm going to put a (~bleep ) cap in your head. that's what the cop said. what happened to protect and serve? i'm sorry, everything about that video is wrong. all right, not only is the cop screaming, like the woman is the one pointing a gun at him, but he's talking about busting caps like he's a lost member of nwa? there's no excuse, unless maybe the cop says he arrests people in the way he thinks they speefnlgt hey, yo, black man, get your ass on the ground! and as for you sa you better stop acting like a --

( speaking in foreign language ) and you belgian guy, i don't how you speak -- waffles waffles! ( laughter ) this was was the cops responding to a call about a 4-year-old who took a barbee doll out of a dollar store without paying for it. yeah. i'm sorry, guys, you don't need to show up like a s.w.a.t. team to rescue a barbie from a little girl. if anything you should rescuing the little girl from the barbie. watch out! that doll can give you a warped sense of what a woman's body is supposed to be! barbie, please! don't do it! think about ken, your house and a dream job you just got as a scientist! ( laughter ) as traumatic tas the experience was, thankfully, no one was shot. i don't think it's because to have the offices. i think it's because to have the well-trained civilians who happened to be on the scene. >> the woman behind this cell

phone video asking to take the kids. >> look at these kids. can i get the babies? excuse me. excuse me. can i get the kids? >> even the bystanders, you can hear them say calm down to the police. >> marx hey, whoa, circumstances calm down. >> can someone diffuse the situation here? >> trevor: this is ridiculous. how do civilians know bettor how to act like police than the police know how to act like police? ( applause ) how? because this guy's next to the car, holding his phone, but instead of panicking, he's trying to calm things down. he's even using the language cops are supposed to be thinking about. guys, let's diffuse the situation. that's how you know shit has gone wrong because back in the days the guys holding is phone used to be, like, whoa, man, he's about to bust a cop in his ass! now the cops say that.

people are sounding like trained police -- deescalate the situation and read him his miranda rights, come on! you would think this is as bad as a story could get, but what makes it worse is if we didn't have these videos, those cops would have been able to paint a very different picture of how this all went down. >> major differences emerge between the police report and the video captured by witnesses. >> nowhere in the report does he mention yelling you're going to get eving shot or i'm going to put an fing cap in your head. >> in the video, the police officer kicks the father. in the report he writes, i made him spread his feet. >> trevor: what's troubling about this is it makes you wonder how many people have been arrested and put in jail because everyone assumes the police version of the events is always the truth. ( applause )

like time and time again, time and time again, cell phone videos contradict the official reports because you saw the video. he kicks his leg. the guy's not doing anything. he kicks his leg. but in the report he says, i made him spread his feet. cop's report makes it sound like a peaceful yoga instructor, now i moved him into downward (~bleep ) dog, namaste. as harrowing as this was, this family was one of the lucky ones because no one was shot and calm bystanders recorded the entire thing to back them up. and now their lawyer is helping them to sue that police department for $10 million. ( applause ) which won't help erase what happened to them, but it will help that little girl buy a shit

load of those dolls. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) uh-oh, looks like someone's still nervous about buying a new house. is it that obvious? yes it is. you know, maybe you'd worry less if you got geico to help with your homeowners insurance. i didn't know geico could helps with homeowners insurance. yep, they've been doing it for years. what are you doing? big steve? thanks, man. there he is. get to know geico and see how much you could save on homeowners and renters insurance. ♪ ♪

♪ the first ever corolla hybrid. let's go places. the hazelnut spread m&m'sve all been wspokescandy! (clapping) (audience gasps) oh my what did you do?? (giggles) we ate him.

think fast! this week, carry out a large 2-topping pizza for just $5.99 - only at pizza hut, when you order online. that's right, a large pizza for $5.99. hurry, because this deal ends sunday. just another reason why... no one out pizzas the hut. introducing a boost to your workout water. electrolytes, meet vitamins b, c and e. with no artificial sweeteners, this is the new propel vitamin boost. ( cheers and applause ) welcome back to "the daily show." you know, one of the things that makes president trump so unique is the way he interacts with the media. he does gifn give many traditiol press conference. he mostly shouts at reporters from a helicopter or takes a few

questions when he's with a foreign leader or his favorite, shares policy ideas at the drive-through. let me get a burger, no lettuce, no pickles, and no deal with iran! do you want fries with that? the iran deal? norse, the burger. okay, because if the iran deal comes with fries i would be open to negotiating! ( laughter ) sometimes donald trump will switch things up and give one reporter total access to him for an entire day. the latest example is abc's george stephanopoulos. trump may not like briefings or cabinet meetings or reading in general but he loves giving tours. >> the oval office is such a special place. >> show us around. that's a famous desk. >> they have seven desks. they give you pictures of desks. they give you pictures of carpet. this is the ronald reagan carpet.

they give you pictures of the drapes. you see the drapes? i think we have 12 sets of drapes we can use. there's your new air force one. it's going to look sleeker. >> what's the biggest personal touch you've put on the office is this. >> i've put a lot of them. you didn't have flags to any great degree. ( laughter ) >> trevor: that's like the weirdest episode of mtv cribs. yeah, this is my flags, this is my desk. that is a lot of flags, show. seems innocent but when you think what trump does to flags in public, i don't want to know what they do when they're alone. the flags are, like, please, take was you, stephanopoulos, please! trump spends so much time showing stephanopoulos around you would think he was going to sublet the office. but he also used the opportunity to hit back at them and their phony reporting.

>> i watched good morning america this morning and they had something about the polling. it was really suppression polling, fake polling, but in this case it was made up polling. they give you phony numbers. they give you numbers. they say they have access to numbers, which i don't believe they have access to. >> trevor: trump basically treats polls the way some people treat their bathroom scales. when you're happy with the number, this is science, that's what i weigh. but if the number isn't what you want it to be, it's, this shit is going back to bed, bath and beyond! that's not right! is this pounds or kilograms? ( laughter ) unfortunately for trump, though, there's one poll he couldn't blame the media for because it was done by his own campaign. >> the trump campaign's internal polling shows the president trailing former vice president joe biden in critical battleground states. 39 to 55% in pennsylvania, 41 to 51 in wisconsin, and by 7 points in florida.

>> cbs news learned the trump campaign fired several pollsters after those internal polling numbers were leaked. ( laughter ) >> trevor: oh, man! so trump learns that he's behind in the polls, and he responds by firing his pollsters. ( laughter ) which makes sense to me. it's like how i used to have ebola but i fired my doctor so i don't have ebola anymore. yeah. i'm just a regular guy who pees out of his butt. my favorite moment in this interview is when trump talked about releasing his tax returns. not because i think he'll release them at this point, it's more likely he'll release an album of duets with hillary clinton. while trump was talking, someone in the background coughed. watch what happens after that. >> they're after my financial statement, the senate. they would like to get my financial statement. at some point i hope they get it. >> you going to turn it over? >> i might. at some point, i hope they get it because it's a fantastic

financial statement. it's a fantastic financial statement. and let's do that over. he's coughing in the middle of my answer. i don't like that, you know? >> your chief of staff. >> if you're going to cough, please leave the room. >> i'll come over here. >> sorry, mr. president. >> okay. do you want to do that a little differently then? >> yeah, we just changed the angle. yep. >> so at some point -- so at some point, i look forward -- frankly, i'd like to have people see my financial statement because it's phenomenal. >> trevor: yo, are you serious? it's like a real-life episode of the office. he's looking at the camera. i half expect dwight to pop up on screen and just shake his head. laugh ( applause ) but you have to give it to trump. he might not be a good president but he is a fantastic television professional. he knows his angles. he's giving different line readings, changing it up. they're coming for my precious

tax returns -- wait! who's coughing? all right, let me take that again ( speaking softly ) okay, they're coming, for my precious tax returns. okay, that was the one, that was the one. ( laughter ) i don't think it was a coincidence that his chief of staff happened to cough when trump was talking about releasing his tax returns it was more like, sh ut up about your taxes! that's what that was. ( applause ) that was trump's one-on-one with abc. and really this makes clear why he doesn't do interviews very often because in one he contradicted himself in follows, flipped out at his coffee staff and managed to look short than george stephanopoulos. tomorrow's interview, we'll be back at the drive-through. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )

therthen he tried tostitoshael scoops and salsa... and he started following them in real life. ♪ hey, mike. sup. oh! tostitos. get together already. the hazelnut spread m&m'sve all been wspokescandy! (clapping) (audience gasps) oh my what did you do?? (giggles) we ate him.

♪ ♪

( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the managing director of the international monetary fund. please welcome madame christine lagarde. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: it is not often that i sit across people who have access to a trillion dollars. is this a good time to ask for a loan? ( laughter ) for those who don't know, what is the job to have the i.m.f.? >> do you mind a teeny tiny bit of history? >> trevor: of course.

>> okay. we just celebrated the second world war anniversary, 75 years ago. >> trevor: right. >> we are celebrating our 75t 75th anniversary as well. >> trevor: oh wow. >> because what happened at the time, countries decided fighting each other and killing each other probably wasn't the way to go because it all started with a bad economic situation. >> trevor: yes. >> they thought, rather than that, why don't we set up a club, give it a lot of money and have competent people, number one, give some economic advice, number two, give loans to n case any member of the club isn't doing well and, number three, give technical assistance. >> trevor: it's interesting you got this job at a time when the world was going in a bad direction because you took over basically at the peak of the financial crisis. some have said this is an example of the glass cliff when something goes really bad and they give the job to a woman, like, all right, you can have it now.

>> yes! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: did it feel you were stepping into a job where you were destined to fail? because you've succeeded. at that moment, was it terrifying? >> it was intimidating. but your point is so right. whenever the situation is really, really bad, you call in the woman. >> trevor: right. ( cheers and applause ) and the woman did a great job! i mean, you came in -- no, you have been lauded as someone who's not just, you know, apt at handling money and understanding the cause of the world, but you've moved the i.m.f. forward. one of the issues you have been vocal about has been the trade disputes happening right now, ease internal betweeespecially d china. you said to both of the boys leading the countries they need to calm down and work this out. >> yes. >> trevor: i know on the american side donald trump's argument has been they have to impose these trade policies, they have to block china because american industries are suffering, and they have to impose these tariffs.

how do you respond to that and what do you think a possible solution could be? >> i would say two things. one is president trump has a point concerning -- >> trevor: wait, wait, wait -- >> yeah, yeah, yeah -- yeah, because -- ( laughter ) no, he has a point on intellectual property. it is correct that nobody should be stealing intellectual property to move ahead. >> trevor: right. >> he has a point on subsidies. yoyou cannot just go about competing with others out there who are being heavily subsidized. on those two points, you can't either say welcome to my country but you can only come if you're going to transfer technology and this is compulsory and now option. >> trevor: right. >> open these three points the game has to be changed and the rules have to be respected. but where it doesn't work is when you say i'm going to raise tariffs because the impact of raising tariffs is not going to be on china, the impact is going to be on those companies in the

united states that rim porting goods from outside the u.s. >> trevor: right. >> and the ultimate person who will bear the brunt of those tariff increases are the consumers, and particularly the low-income consumers, those who need to actually buy reasonably cheap products because they can get by with those products, and they are the ones who are going to suffer the consequences of tariff increases. so i'm saying to all those involved in trade discussions, you know, we need adults in the room, you need to hear -- ( laughter ) >> trevor: you need to hear -- >> you need to hear the economic facts, not focus on one or two numbers. >> trevor: one of the main things that you have been a driver, one of the main issues has been empowering women, and not in a charity sense, but in a business sense. >> yeah. >> trevor: you know, you very famously have the quote where you came out and said, if lehman brothers was lehman brothers and sisters, maybe they would have

done a little bit better. >> yes. >> trevor: right? why is it so important for countries to invest in women beyond the niceness of it all? >> i've given up on the morality and charity side of things. >> trevor: oh, you have? >> i'll tell you why, not personally, but it doesn't seem to impress people. >> trevor: yes. >> i said, fine, you're not impressed? it's a moral imperative, you're not concerned? okay. let me tell you that if, on the economic side, you increase the size of the economy, you improve the income per capita, each individual in society, and if, at the company level, you actually get a better profit attend of the year because there will have been a woman on the board or on the executive team, aren't you concerned about that? i don't know yet, and i have to meet yet the leader of a country who says, no, i don't want no growth, no, i don't want a larger economy, no i don't want to distribute more income. >> trevor: right. >> they all want the same thing,

so bring the woman. if you look at the participation of the women in the economy, you usually have 15% difference. if you look at the wages of women difference men, same job, same effort, you have at least 16% difference. why is that? this is a complete waste of time. and waste of energy and waste of resources. so women have to be given the same opportunities, be given the same salary, and have the same exactly right as men. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: thank you so much for being on the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: wonderful having you. good luck at the g20. christine lagarde, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) -we bought a house in a neighborhood

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