means? ♪ - yeah, i'm sorry. - [softly] that is so hot. - cerrajero. [both moaning] - by the way, you should probably get a lock on this door. - come back tomorrow... cerrajero. [both scream excitedly] mwah! >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody!

thank you so much for tuning in! thank you for coming out. you, yeah! welcome to it! yeah, let's do it! i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight is an "snl" legend and host of a brand-new show coming to comedy central, called "lights out," david spade is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) also on tonight's show, great britain gets its very own trump. the biggest scandal from the world of chess, and why recycling is a lie. let's catch up on today's headlines. first up a, if you've ever thought, i like donald trump and his policies and his hair, but i really just wish he could read, well then great britain has the leader for you. >> breaking news out of london this morning, a new prime minister for britain, boris johnson will take over from theresa may. >> johnson is a divisive figure seen by many as britain's donald

trump, long, brash, a populist, fond of anti-immigrant rhetoric who's built built a career twisting the truth. >> i know someone's pointed out deliver and defeat is not the perfect acronym for an election campaign as it spells dud but they forgot the final e, my friends, e for energize and i say to you, dude, we're going to energize the country, we're going to get brect done! >> trevor: dude! dude! where is my motor vehicle, dude! you know what i love about brect, how i've confident everyone is when they come in to a job? it's already wiped out two prime ministers. but the next guy is, come on, brect! brect -- brexit. cinnamon of politics. hey, guys, i'm going to do the brect -- brexit!

i would be like, we've seen brexit is not coming around so finish me off with a shotgun. ( laughter ) if you're one of those who say it's hot, i wish i could cool down with rain, your wish was granted, you son of a bitch. >> the deadly heat wave has broken, and now we have the rain. the east coast was hit hard by severe thunderstorms. >> severe storms creating travel nightmares in the region throughout the night bringing traffic on one major highway to a complete stop in the commute. new york city subway riders inundated by unexpected indoor water fall. one new yorker bravely walking through flood waters up to her thighs. at airports, delayed and canceled flights piled up. craig melvin surround bid frustrated flyers at new york's

new jersey international airport. >> new york city got floods from brooklyn to queens, cars couldn't drive, subways were filling with water and, most tragically, pizza rat drowned. ( laughter ) yeah, turns out there was only room for his girlfriend on that slice of pizza. he had to make a choice. ( laughter ) and by the way, so we're all on the same page, first we had the giant heat wave, now floods, plus earthquakes in california and a plague of measles? i think god is trying to send us a message. i don't quite remember the old testament but i think he's working up to something, like he's either going to wipe us out or dropping a new album, i don't know how this works. ( laughter ) if you're a first born son, might want to get your affairs in order. ( laughter ) by the way, a personal thing for me, i know being stranded in an airport is frustrating but i'm always shocked when i see people complaining to airport staff that a plane can't take off in a storm. you've always got those people, oh, i want to take off.

yeah, it's a storm! but who you mad at? i don't care, i have somewhere to be. is that somewhere heaven? shut the (~bleep ) up! stop being assholes! there is a storm! ( cheers and applause ) you see these people all the time, aaahhh! i can't believe we're not flying! no one can't believe we're not flying. there should be a special flight for everyone who complains. everyone who wants to fly, you want to go? go and fly, see what happens. no, go and fly. go and fly. yeah, that's what every airport needs. basically every airport in america just needs an african father, right, because that's what african parents do, they threaten you with the thing you're complaining about. we're not going to fly? go on and fly and see what happens! then the plane crashes, okay, who's next? anybody next? ( laughter ) finally, if you're a cat, you're probably having a great month of july. there's a movie coming out about you and if you live in new york,

you get to keep your claws. >> new york city leading the way when it comes to taking care of cats. first in the country to declawing the fee lines. advocates say it causes pain but lasting psychological damage for cats. >> some say the practice is cruel. the common reason pet owners declaw cats is to protect their furniture. >> that's right, new york passed a law that says you can't renovember a cat's claws. i always that that was a little weird. it's like americans allowing cats to own assault rifles. i don't get it. ( laughter ) i always found it strange that people want to have animals but change what makes them that animals. i want a cat but i don't want furniture to get scratched or hair on my carpet. then get a roomba.

i want a bird that doesn't fly. no, no, or people that cut off a dog's tail. yeah, i like the wagging but it distracts me from the dog's butt. what are you doing? imagine they said your animal could do things t to you. the cog thinks you talk too much and says, yeah, we should get rid to have the tongue. that's so much better! let's move on to the main story. ( cheers and applause ) every day, thousands of shipping containers show up on america's shores, carrying everything from cars to electronics to democratic candidates. yeah. i don't know who keeps ordering these things, but there's too many. but now, there's a new import flooding the country that you won't be as excited about. a massive shipment of contaminated waste could be headed back to the united states. malaysia says it's sending back

33 tons of plastic waste from united states, u.k. and canada. >> southwestern countries are send back anything that can't be recycled. and countries like the u.s., australia and the u.k. have all been told to expect their garbage to be returned to them. @>> trevor: that's right, shipping containers full of plastic waste are showing up on america's doorstep, yeah, which doesn't make anybody happy. no one's happy to see trash, except seagulls, they love trash. seagulls must be easy to buy gifts for. a plastic fork? thank you! you likely like this? no, but i sell it to the little mermaid, she buys everything! ( laughter ) why are containers full of plastic waste showing up in america? another installment of if you don't know now you know. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ when you think of recycling, you probably think of a magical

process where you throw your plastic in the blue bin and a unicorn takes it away and then nine months later you get a beautiful new baby water bottle. but the truth is, much like making an actual baby, the recycling process is much messier than what you believe. >> when most of us put out our recycling on trash day, recyclers sort it, bundle it and ship it overseas to be recycled. much to china. >> america's main export to china was trash, recycled metal, cardboard and plastic. >> for decades, china's taken huge quantities of our rubbish and recycling it. >> the u.s. would use the empty ships to send china recycling. china would use the recycling to make new goods to send to the u.s. and the recycling continued. >> trevor: china to america, back to china and to america

again. basically it's the. ♪ circle of trash plastic into paper ♪ ♪ paper ♪ plastic into paper ( cheers and applause ) yeah, believe it or not, america creates so much trash that it's had to send it over to china to be recycled, which isn't surprising, like nobody's better at creating unnecessary trash than america. this is the same country where you can buy orange slices in a plastic container. yeah, as if there wasn't already a container for orange slices called an orange. it's in the container. and for a very long time, the relationship worked. america sent china recycling, china turned it into fake louie have you tovoton bags. >> a lot of the materials could not be recycled. they were ending up in land

fills, the environment or, worse, taking a human toll. now the country is trying to clean up its image. in january, china stopped taking most of the dirty recycling it called foreign garbage. >> we means some 7 million tons of plastic needs to be recycled elsewhere. >> trevor: yep, see, back when china was a poorer country, they were fine with sorting through america's recycling. now they're more rich and powerful, they've decided that's beneath them. that's understandable. you start making money, you upgrade your life. like when you get a big promotion, so you start buying the super soft toilet paper instead of napkins you stole from burger king. we've all done that, come on! so with china no longer taking america's plastic, all the recycling has had to find somewhere else to go. for a while, a lot of countries in asia were willing to take it, in fact happy to take it. >> this used to be mostly paddy

fields but rubbish which had been dumped here almost 40 years dominates the landscape. villagers welcome it. like many others, this man makes a living from sorting through the waste. >> this used to be a poor area. a i couldn't afford to go to school. but with this trash i could put my three children through school. my oldest is getting a ph.d. ( audience reacts ) >> trevor: that's insane. crazy. this guy managed to get his kids a degree from tracks which is ironic because that trash probably contained a few actual degrees. ( laughter ) and his story wasn't the only one. many people around asia were making money by sorting through america's recycling, all right, which isn't a great job, but, for many people, it changed their lives. but as we said earlier, america uses a lot of plastic, and after china closed its doors, many of the smaller countries couldn't handle the volume of plastic recycling that's come into the

country, that turned it from a blessing into a curse, which is always the case with plastic. let's be honest, whether it's plastic recycling or surgery, a little bit is okay, but if you do too much, you look like you're watching the end of a movie -- what? they're allergic to water? is! so just like china, all these other countries have decided they've had enough of western trash. >> we don't want your recyclable trash, that is the message from cambodia. that country just sent back 83 shipping containers filled with 1600 tons of plastic waste back to the u.s. and canada saying "cambodia is not a dust bin where foreign countries can dispose of waste." >> countries like the philippines say it's western waste littering their shores, sent to poorer countries instead of being recycled. >> the president of the philippines even made it very clear to canada that the trash was not welcome, to send it back to canada. >> your garbage is on the way.

prepare a grand reception. eat it if you want to. ( laughter ) oh, wow! ( applause ) wow! duterte does not mess around! prepare a grand reception for your trash and eat it if you want to? it's a slam, but it's such a weirdly formal way to tell someone to shove it up their ass. like i would love to here duterte deliver a yo momma joke -- your mother has indulged so much the government recently bestowed on her her own area code, slam! philippines, asia, china have come together saying it is time for america's trash to go home. send it back! send it back! ( laughter ) so now the trash is headed back here to the u.s. and you might be saying, well, fine, trevor, we'll just have to

recycle it ourselves. well, unfortunately, it's not that easy. >> so what happens now to the plastic we used to ship to china? not much. a lot of it's just piling up here in the states. a lot of plastic comes to recyclers like bulgaria, all mixed together, impossible to separate cost effectively. >> cities across the country are reexamining whether their recycling programs are going to waste. is it better for people to recycle wrong or not at all? >> it is better for people not to recycle at all. >> sounds crazy but you have to put it in context. when it comes to tin cans, you can still recycle it. when it comes to plastic, incorrect recycling is worse than no recycling at all. and even though you might think, no, i recycle correctly, the chances are that you're not. like we all think we're recycling when we put a plastic bottle in the little blue plastic bin. what we're actually supposed to be doing is taking the lid off the bottle, then you're supposed

to take the little ring off that's under the lid of every single bottle. and the you get take out, you can't just throw it off in the bin, even rinsing it is not enough. you have to wash it, clean it like mike pence's browser history. he's, like, i won't even type google because it sounds like a sex thing. ( laughter ) when i say this, you might be thinking, the plastic rings are too much. one other thing we could be doing and that is using less plastic, which is hard because we've gotten used to it. we're going to need to try. i've thought of a few solutions for all of us. instead of plastic plates, i was thinking we can just use our ipads. think about it, it's flat, big and as an added bonus when you watch i netflix during bonus you don't have to look up. oh, look! they killed eleven!

no, it's just bole neighs. it's fine. >> just have the delivery guy put all your food in his mouth and feeds it to you like a baby bird when he arrives. you will be helping the planet and make a really close friend! ( audience reacts ) yeah, so the next time, the next time you plan on tossing out a piece of plastic that you used for a total of three seconds, just remember that pretty soon that plastic may be headed back your way. so if you don't know, now you know. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ did you know you can save money by using dish soap to clean grease on more than dishes? try dawn ultra. dawn is for more than just dishes. with 3x more grease cleaning power per drop, it tackles tough grease on a variety of surfaces.

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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." every now and then we like to check in on the world of sports, which means it's time for another edition of i apologize for talking while you were talking. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> oh! >> hut, hut, hut! >> hey, sports fans, i'm michael motorcycle kosta and he's roy grapefruit, jr. >> how's that my name? >> we are in the most boring part of the sports calendar. nothing is happening. >> still baseball actions. >> like i said, nothing exciting is happening. luckily, that means we have time to cover some of the more obscure sports like snail racing. >> the world's fastest snails slugging it out at the world championship snails race. the snails race to reach the outer circle of the 13-inch courts which is just the table

with the damp cloth spread out. this winner was a snail named sammy who completed the course in 2 minutes and 38 seconds, a lightning-fast time for one of the world's slowest animals. >> wow! snail racing, that has got to be the slowest sport in the world. >> not as slow as baseball, aaahhh! >> damn it! you say one more thing about america's past time, i'll send you back to your shithole country. >> roy, i'm from michigan. >> exactly. here's what i wonder about this sport, kosta. >> yeah. >> how do you train a snail to race? >> maybe hire a french guy to chase him with a knife and fork. >> good idea. (french accent) i'm going to seat you and seduce your sister! i sound like a nigerian. >> wait till you see what's happening under the water, if you think snail is quirky. >> underwater hockey is a long

time team sport and there are rules to this madness. >> it's a non-contact sport. you've got to be busy and get next to things, so you can only pass as far as you can throw it, you get close to people and whoever scores the most goals is a winner. >> it's like any other sport. you're surrounded and it's almost silent in the way you play it. >> damn! what kind of sport is that? i feel like white people saw one black guy playing hockey and were, like, we should add water. >> i think this looks fun but personally i don't mess with swimming pools. i dove into the shallow end years ago and bumped my head. >> you okay? >> yeah, but americanly i don't mess with swimming pools, i dove in the shallow end and bumped my head. >> moving on. we don't hear about chess. a lot of people think chess is boring but it's more exciting than you think. >> a chess grand master is

accused of cheating in a bath rrm during a tournament in france last week. this is a picture of him on the toilet, suspended after the photos show him sitting there looking at his cell phone during a break at a competition. the director said he long has been suspected of cheating. the 58 stunned the chess world by racking up wingings a wingine when most players decline. >> wow, wow, caught cheating in a bathroom stall. major kudos to whichever bathroom pervert snapped that photo. thank you. >> i've got to start using this, roy. what's that, officer? why am i setting up a toilet cam? because i respect the integrity of chess. >> you don't even need to leave the room to cheat at chess. want to cheat, here's what you do. you're playing chess, you're losing and you go, oh oh, my god

there's judy dench! checkmate! >> people actually consider chess a sport. >> chess is a spork. you need focus, triage, mental endurance. >> chess is a board game like monopoly. is monopoly a sport? >> i'll whip your ass in monopoly. >> i'll send your ass to jail. that's not meant as a racial thing. in monopoly if you don't pay rent, if you guys know how monopoly works -- >> we're playing monopoly right now. >> let's go. i see ten to 15 minutes to go to the bathroom. >> we're playing monopoly. >> i don't jump in the pool very often. >> trevor: roy wood, jr. and michael kosta, everyone. we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause )

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a comedian and host of the new late night show on comedy central called "lights out with david spade." please welcome david spade! ( cheers and applause ) >> yes! >> trevor: welcome to the show! it's me and you, buddy. we're back together again. >> trevor: this is back together gwen. i mean, although, last time we were back together, i was watching you on tv as a kid in south africa. >> is that right? >> trevor: my mom is one of your best fans. she loved your show. he's so grumpy and funny. i was, like, just shoot me. but my mom is this guy is so angry but i like him. >> still holds true today, same america, same jokes. >> trevor: you are self-deprecating but i feel like what's made your successful as a comedian in acting and standup

is your vibe that you seem like you don't care but you're in touch with everything. david spade is connecting. we see you online connecting with younger audiences about what people think. is this what the new show is about? >> the new show, this is great, you twice get to come along with the ride if you think about it. >> you just sit there and carry on. >> i do like that because, you know, you move on, and it's not -- you know, i'm not trying to be madonna and change everything. she always reinvents herself. i'm basically doing instagram stories and stuff because i didn't have it growing up. when you were in between movies and tv shows, you have to wait. oh, when am i going to be on letterman, i just want to do this one joke. this is sort of interesting because during the day i can film things, put it on there. now pretty much can be a star and anybody can be a critic. they can get to me quicker which sometimes is tough.

>> is that going to change how you create your show? one thing that made you famous and beloved in the country and the world is you used to take shots at celebrities all the time but now celebrities can respond to you instantly. >> yeah displ. >> trevor: has that changed your vibe? >> i don't do that as rough as i used to but we still make fun of hollywood and do those things. i've had the career with the ups and downs. it's different when you're in the mix. i've turned into one of these idios. i used to make fun of them but then i got there and said it's not so easy. i was talking with my friends, a little more dangerous for younger people because she's, like, 13 and she goes, i like this guy he's so funny. she goes, you're funny, i like funny guys. i said, let me see how hilarious. he's sending her the memes. i said he's a middle man. these aren't jokes. this is a scam. get rid of him, he's a phony.

like he finds one that's for sure funny and gives it to her and she goes, he's hysterical. we had to come up with this stuff on our own in my day. >> trevor: are you ready for the nightly show every single day? >> by the way, the show is a half hour, i'm already winded because i'm not used to it. and go, you've got to come in before i go. before the show startsd? you have to come in and work and write. nobody mentioned that. ( laughter ) it's tough. i want to be good. i work hard, try to write, make it interesting, we'll cross our fingerings, see what happens. >> trevor: i'm excited. david spade is a legend. you're back on tv and with us. ( cheers and applause ) "lights out with davi: "lights " premieres july 29th at 11:30 p.m. on comedy central. david spade. we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) pakista♪

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>> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> my realistic chances of becoming prime minister are only slightly better than my chances of being decapitated by a frisbee, blinded by a champagne cork, locked in a fridge or reincarnated as an olive. i saw to you all, dude! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ - okay, marina raskova-- she starts an all-female squadron. the night witches are like, let's fight 'em. these ladies are the first women in combat ever! na-strovyuh! - it's the civil war. we're gonna hijack a confederate train.