>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you for coming out! man, you feel amazing! i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight is one of the

quir"queer eye" fab five now out with a new book, antoni porowski is joining us, everybody! also on tonight's show, the big weekend in sports, a democrat who's getting real support, and president trump is beefing with everyone. alabama, might prepare yourself because the hurricane is totally coming back. let's catch up on today's headlines. let's kick it off wan update on that big college cheating scandal. tv star felicity huffman has now pled guilty to paying a service to fake her daughter's test scores and prosecutors are asking the judge to throw the book at her. >> trevor: felicity huffman is scheduled to be sentenced next week for her role in the massive college admissions scandal. federal prosecutors are calling for huffman to serve one month in jail plus a $20,000 fine. prosecutors say huffman's conduct was deliberate and manifestly criminal, writing to

the judge, in the context of this case neither probation nor home confinement in a large home in the hollywood hills with an infinity pool would constitute meaningful punishment. ( laughter ) >> trevor: yep, that's right -- the prosecutors don't want felicity huffman to be sentenced to house arrest because this is her house. ( laughter ) yeah, which is a good point. if my punishment was living in that house, i would be robbing banks every day. i would be just like, oh, i did it again! ( laughter ) seriously, it's not a punishment if it has a infinity pool. that's just a fact. now, if it was house arrest and it was a above-ground pool, that is different. yeah, that's actually cruel and unusual punishment. her lawyers would be, like, give her the electric chair, your honor, please. no human being should be forced to swim in tupperware while the neighbors watch, please. ( laughter ) honestly, i'm not sure what her punishment should be because i still say i think america sends too many people to prison, but, at the same time, you can't give someone like felicity huffman

community service. community is for, like, rich hollywood people, what's the service? do you have to go to their house and cut harvey weinstein out of the photos they have with him? what do you do? frankly, the whole idea of house arrest is weird as a concept. doesn't work for rich people because who you supposed to beat the shit out of on your first day to assert yourself, the butler? house arrest doesn't work for home people, because you're just free. so it's grate. andrew yang is polling in sixth place. wouldn't know it from the media coverage. he only rates 13th in cable news mentions which is why he has to get attention like this. >> a democratic presidential candidate is taking his campaign to new heights. andrew yang does crowd surfing. the businessman turned 2020 candidate speaking at a forum organized by asian activist

groups. when he was hoisted in the air, he twitted out, i haven't crowd surfed in a while, yanggang! >> trevor: yeah! for a politician, that's risky. so many people grabbing your ass. that's a scandal waiting to happen. you have to get permission from every individual person. the slowest crowd surf ever, do you consent to my ass? thank you, thank you. ( laughter ) now that i can't think has done it. other candidates will try to be cool and crowd surf which is odd for bill de blasio who only has one supporter. ( laughter ) i have to hand it to andrew yang, he's not getting a ton of media coverage, so he's out there getting attention for himself, crowd surfing, playing basketball, doing the cupid shuffle. only problem is andrew you realize you will have to keep

escalating your stunts. at this rate in six months, he's going to have to go full tom cruise. >> my proposal of the freedom d.v.d. would put $1,000 a month into the hands of every american adult, a game changer for millions of american families. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i don't know why he flew spirit airlines. anyway, moving to america's war on having a good time -- i'm sorry -- war on drugs. >> customs agencies had a extra spice from delivery near a port new year san diego. 70,000 pounds of marijuana, worth $2 million, didn't fool the caninings. it was the second multi-million-dollar shipment of pot intercepted there within the last few days. >> trevor: nearly four tons of weed were discovered being smuggled into the u.s. signed of jalapenos! and honestly i'm glad they caught it. i don't want dangerous substances being smuggled in

with my weed. ( laughter ) although it would have been funny if they didn't catch some and then someone ate the weed and the jalapenos at the same time. it would be such a mix of otions, ( gasping and laughing ) ( laughter ) moving on, being president is a pressure-filled job. it's important for the presidents to find a way to let off steam. obama played basketball. george w. bush cleared brush on his ranch, lincoln liked going to the theater -- took his mind off things. ( audience reacts ) but when it comes too soon -- but when it comes to president trump, his passion is beefing with his enemies. this weekend he was going at it hard. let's catch up on who the president is beefing with now in another installment of donald j. trump commander in beef. >> i'm going to hit them back and if i give them a what can -- you think i could take this guy? i'd like to punch him in the face. ( cheers and applause )

>> trevor: first up in the controversy that just won't die, it's president trump versus the weather. eight days after he incorrectly warned alabama that hurricane dorian was headed its way, trump is still insisting that he was right all along. >> after falsely warning that alabama remained threatened by hurricane dorian, president trump spent the week digging in, displaying that map docketed with a sharpie posting eleven tweets over seven days insisting he was right. even directing his homeland security and counterterrorism advisor to release a 225-word statement. >> mr. trump said in a sweet i would like to very much stop referring to this ridiculous story but the lame stream media just won't let it alone. >> trevor: yes, according to his tweets trump wishes he could end this beef but he cant because, you see, every time he tweets the media reports on his tweets, and since he has to have the last oui word, he tweets to

the response and they report on his response and it goes back and forth, like nuclear energy only a lot more stupid, okay? and you realize there's a chance this hurricane beef might never end, and i mean never. like when trump is, like, 100 years old, he will be laying on his death bed surrounded by the people he loves -- and eric -- ( audience reacts ) -- and he will still be, like, i was right about -- alabama. ( laughter ) beeeeep! and cnn will report on it and trump will come back from the dead -- i was right! i told you i was right! i was right! ( laughter ) and, you know, it would be one thing if trump was obsessively tweeting about this hurricane for a week, but now he's dragging the rest of the government into his shit storm. >> minutes ago the "new york times" reported commerce secretary wilbur ross threatened to fire top employees at n.o.a.a. after its bahama office contradicted the president's claim dorian might strike

alabama and that story broke after "the washington post" reported earlier that n.o.a.a.'s chief scientist will investigate why the agency backed the president over its own experts on dorian. >> trevor: yes, it turns out president trump is so embarrassed by his hurricane blunder that his administration threatened to fire any weather officials who wouldn't back up his alternative facts. and, guys, the n.o.a.a. doesn't have time for this. their job is to monitor hurricanes. they are distracted by trump's beefs. you realize what could happen -- we could have a giant backlog of hurricanes. ( laughter ) they can't come in because, without their hurricanes permits, they're not allowed into the country, it's a process, have to get their name, category, they're waiting in line, hey, what's going on? we're trying to get in! ( laughter ) like this whole thing. while the weather service is trying to deal with trump's hurricane beef, he's started another one. >> the president also sparked a

beef with john legend and wife chrissy tiegen last night. it apparently happened after he watched an msnbc special with lester holt and john legend on efforts to fix the broken grj criminal justice system. he tweeted in part musician john legend and his filthy mouthed wife are talking about how great it is but i didn't see them around when we needed help getting it passed. john legend tweeted, plannia please praise this man, he needs you. chrissy tiegen also responded, her tweet we cannot put on air due to its vulgarity. ( laughter ) >> trevor: that's right, donald trump lashed out at john legend and chrissy tiegen because he feels like they're taking credit for achieving criminal justice reform instead of giving him the praise. john legend and chrissy tiegen both hit back at the commander in tweet. you saw john's reply but chrissy tiegen's response was too vulgar for the news to repeat. luckily, we're not the news.

( cheers and applause ) so here it is. trump called her john legend's filthy-mouthed wife, but because he didn't have the guts to tag her on twitter, chrissy tiegen called him a pussy ass bitch. ( laughter ) ( applause ) and to be honest, i don't know why the news can't say that on air. ( laughter ) it's a well-known medical condition. in which a bitch's ass is replaced by a pussy. and i think the more we talk about it in society the more we can destigmatize this serious disease. ( laughter ) so trump's beefing with the weather and his beefing with celebrities but there's one trump beef that might actually have major real-world consequences. >> a developing story out of washington this morning,

president trump revealing in a tweet that he had been planning a secret meeting with the taliban. >> tonight the white house had hoped to surprise the world with the taliban at camp david signing a peace deal, as president trump tweeted saturday night unbeannounced to almost everyone, the major taliban leaders and separately the president of afghanistan were going to secretly meet with me at camp david, but the president canceled the secret summit after thursday's suicide bombing at a kabul checkpoint. trump said in his tweet that he immediately canceled the peace talks asking how many more decades are they willing to fight? >> trevor: this story is it wild. over the weekend, trump tweeted out he was canceling a secret meet heg planned with the dale ban because they had launched an attack in afghanistan. and this came out of the blue because no one knew trump scheduled peace talks with the taliban. trump is like your best friend

telling you he's getting a divorce and you're, like, i didn't know you were married. yeah, it didn't work out. she killed 11 people in afghanistan. it was crazy. they wanted to surprise to nation. the taliban was going to come to camp david. surprise! the worst surprise in the world. if you're confused, you're not alone. as far as we can stand, here's what they say happened. over the past nine years, the u.s. government has been trying to get a peace teal with the taliban to end the war in afghanistan, and the past few weeks it looked like that deal was close to happening, but when trump heard about this deal, he demanded that the taliban come to camp david in america to sign the deal with him on camera so that he would get the praise. but -- the cal ban didn't want to come to america, firstly because they don't trust the united states -- which i understand -- they're, like, we're not coming there -- and,

secondly, because they probably don't want to deal with the t.s.a. can you imagine how stressful that shit's going to be for them? ( applause ) just going to come in as the taliban? you have to fill out the little forms, the guy at the t.s.a. is going to be, like, what do you do for a living? tim leader of the taliban. so you're a terrorist? yes, but not for this trip, okay? newt for this trip, this time i'm off the clock. ( laughter ) so the taliban refused to come to america and trump tweeted out, no, i'm breaking up with you guys, and, so, there's a possibility that the war in afghanistan will continue now because trump has put a photo opportunity above peace. yeah. which, according to web m.d. is a classic symptom of a pussy ass bitch. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )

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( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> oh, what's up, sports fans? i'm michael kosta. my usual partner roy wood, jr. is not with us. he's getting his belly button enlarged. but it's all good because i'm joined by my man with a normal belly button jaboukie. are you ready to be a professional sports commentator? >> i actually don't know a lot about sports. >> perfect! tennis, this weekend was the final grand slam of the year and as usual it did not disappoint. >> now that rafael nadal winning the title in a marathon match last night matching almost five hours, his 19th career grand slam. then on saturday, 19-year-old tennis phenom bianca andreescu beating serena williams in straight stoats win the women's title. >> she apologized to serena. it was kind of cute. >> i know you guys wanted serena to win, so i'm so sorry.

( audience reacts ) >> wow! she won the u.s. open then apologized for it. that has to be the most canadian thing ever. ( laughter ) that's more canadian than eating out of the stanley cup. >> it is serena. she's a legend. if i was playing her, i would apologize every time i returned the ball. sorry! you're a queen! i love you! >> this wasn't even close, jaboukie. serena was beat in straight sets. she got wrapped, packed and sent home to momma. >> what do you mean? >> this is a sportscaster thing, you exaggerate. >> she didn't just beat her, she grabbed her, stabbed her and cut her (~bleep ) head off. ( laughter ) >> we'll work on that. when one season comes to an end, another begins. the n.f.l. is back. >> opening weekend was a disaster for new york. the giants and the jets lost. >> so you did watch. >> no, i just assumed. ( laughter ) >> speaking of new york losing,

one former giants player came back flashier than ever. >> odell beckham made his debut with the cleveland browns yesterday but his flex has a lot of people talking. fans noticed beckham was wearing a watch during aces actual game action, and a closer look we vealed it was a rism millie watch. >> i've heard of it. >> "usa today" reports it's priced at $350,000 -- >> this dude wore a watch worth hundreds of thousands of dollars to play football. i don't feel comfortable wearing my good jeans if i eat spaghetti that night. and i eat spaghetti every night. >> dude, your life sounds awful. ( laughter ) do other football players wear watches when they play? >> contact sports don't allow it because it's dangerous. football, baseball players can't

wear them because they check them the whole time. here's what odell needs to learn. odell, you've got to quit being flashy and focus on the team. you're making the big bucks now. odell, you've got to lead by example. >> is odell watching? i didn't know that he watched the show. what's up? >> he's not actually watching. as a professional sportscaster you're acting like you're telling the athlete what to do but we're just telling the viewers. >> you're telling other guys what you would tell another guy and go home and eat spaghetti. damn man, your life is awful. >> moving on, the biggest news about the n.f.l. is about a player that didn't play. >> this is the n.f.l.'s opening weekend and there has already been a lot of drama. star wide receiver antonio brown was cut from the oakland raiders hours after being asked to be released from the team. >> this is the moment brown found out he had been freed.

>> freed! ( screaming ) >> i'm free! i can fly like an eagle! grandma, they freed me! ha ha! they freed me, grandma! >> i'm not going to lie, this feels like what would happen if we had twitter back during slavery. ( laughter ) >> now, you know how antonio brown handled the raiders? he wrapped 'em, backed 'em and send 'em home to mamma. >> you could say he tripped 'em, flipped 'em and sent them a box of anthrax. >> this isn't working out, roy, i hope you're back soon. back next week with another edition of i apologize. back to you. >> trevor: michael kosta and job job, everybody, we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) -guys, i want you to meet someone.

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♪ >> hi. >> trevor: welcome my friend. >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: so good to finally have you on the show. as a fan of what you do on "queer eye," as a fan of your cooking, i have been lucky enough to taste your cooking, and when i heard you were coming out with a cookbook, i was, like, it's a match made in eleven. are you ready to give away your secrets, though? >> i am. it was a long time coming. it's just still seeing my face on a book and thinking how much time went into it and just knowing that it's there is, like -- you know what? everything is surreal right now. sitting here with you, looking at the book, life has been surreal for the past year and a half. >> trevor: i feel like you're in the business of making people's lives surreal. that's what makes it so much fun. you go around america, get in people's lives. what you do specifically on the show is you connect people with their food. something i feel like has been a disconnect in america for a long time. people go, it's just food. and you go, no, food is more

special than we think it is. why? >> i think it's so much more than that. it's how you say i love you. it's how you say i'm sorry to someone. it connects you to your roots, where you came from. it's how you meet new friends. like when you came over, it's the medium for me for everything. it's my love language, and i think especially, like, it's a messed up world. it's really a messed up world. >> trevor: right. >> and i think it's an incredible opportunity to just connect with other people and break bread and have conversations. >> trevor: quite literally breaking bread. >> yeah. >> trevor: i mean, that's what makes it -- >> there's no bread recipe in the book, but, you know, wait for the next one! ( laughter ) >> trevor: it really is a social experience. >> absolutely. >> trevor: it's a biewbl vibe if you have with food. you have a connection where it really feels like a love language. i read a lot of cookbooks for the pictures. i'm actually not going to do anything. i love pictures of great food, then i eat my food and i go,

mmm! ( laughter ) you tell stories of what it was like for you to come out as gay. you talk about how your culture affects your food and who you are as a person. why did you infies so much of your story into the cooking? >> i mean, i think "queer eye" -- "queer eye" is a service job. we show up for perfect strangers and figure out how we can be of service in such a short time and we try to figure out what kind of book do we want this to do. is it going to be technical, my polish heritage? it doesn't have to be one thing or the other. it's an autobiography. it travels from food i ate when i was a little kid, to when i was a broke-ass student, to dishes i prepare now. my polish heritage, i was ashamed to be polish for a big portion of my life and i fell back in love with it and think it's incredibly important. every single recipe in that book has a story behind it. >> trevor: if somebody reads this and says, antoni, i love

your looking, but i am a horrible, horrible cook. not me, another person. ( laughter ) someone else is saying, antoni, i don't know how to cook and this looks amazing. how easy is it to get it done? it looks easy. the pictures are amazing. if you see some of the things, look at that. >> that's literally five ingreens. there's no excuse for that. >> trevor: this looks like nothing i have ever made. >> it's fennel and citrus. >> trevor: look at that egg. i've never ever ever made an egg that looks like this. >> it takes practice. i've ruined about 50 chickens trying to figure out how to roast them perfectly until i finally got it right. i had been making risotto for years and figured out you don't mix it vigorously but you fold it in so you don't break down the rice. you learn and nurture it. >> trevor: wow. >> did i just teach you something?

>> trevor: that was dope. >> i taught you about the emulsification powers of the pasta water with the spaghetti la moan. >> trevor: this book is giving people the process of expressing themselves through food. >> on "queer eye," some people have a background and you want to teach them technical things. the ones that interest me are the ones who don't care and eat granola bars every day and i try to find an emotional connection. >> trevor: i'm going to try to cook something from the book and send you a picture on instagram. it will look nothing like it. >> we don't know that. >> trevor: i'll keep on trying. thank you so much for coming to the show. >> thank you so much for having me. >> trevor: antoni porowski, "antoni in the kitchen"! available now. antoni porowski, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ with ai we can protect what we can't see.

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show for tonight. don't foreged, light lights is next. first, here it is, your moment of zen. >> i believe history will look back at this presidency as an avrit moment in time, but if donald hump -- donald trump is reelected. ( laughter ) donald hump, donald hump, donald hump, donald hump, donald hump, donald hump -- ♪ >> spade: so an oxycontin heiress offered courtney love 100,000 dollars for a personal appearance. i think that is a good investment because she's going to get it back in a week anyway. yeah! (applause) >> amazing. whatever. >> and now david spade! >> spade: hey.