you're grounded! aw, shit. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody. thank you so much for tuning in. thank you for coming out. ( cheers and applause ) i'm trevor noah! let's do it! our guest tonight is a judge on the highest court in the land, the supreme court justice sonia sotomayor is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) and please, please -- she's not doing parking tickets today, people.

please. ( laughter ) also on tonight's show, the price of gas is going up, new accusations are coming out against brett kavanaugh, and mike pence fights a horse. so let's catch uh on today's headlines. ♪ let's kick it off with an update on that college cheating scandal and the celebrity mom who's getting locked up. >> we are back now with intense reaction to felicity huffman's sentencing. the actress must report to prison in the next six weeks to serve 14 days for her role in the college admissions scandal. >> she paid $15,000 to inflate her daughter's s.a.t. score as part of a massive college cheating scandal. in the courtroom an emotional huffman told the judge, i was frightened, i was stupid and i was so wrong. >> trevor: okay. she said she committed the crime because she was frightened and stupid? i get the stupid part. what were you frightened of? was the principal to have school, like, ma'am, your kid's

score is only good enough nor the university of phoenix. no, no! please, no! ( laughter ) by the way, if the judge let her off lightly because she was emotional, the judge is a fool. felicity huffman is one of the best actresses around, getting emotional is her job. ( laughter ) if i was a judge, i would only be impressed if someone got emotional in character as another person. i would have wanted her to plea to me as nelson mandela -- please forgive me and my husband william h. macy (in mandela accent) ( laughter ) obviously this short sentence has a lot of backlash with people saying felicity huffman only got the special treatment because she san actor. i don't know if that's true, but if you know someone out there is being busted for drugs, and they're, like, your honor, before you render your verdict, in high school i played danny in

"grease." the judge is, like, tell me more! ( laughter ) over the weekend an oil refinery in saudi arabia was attacked and this could be the; is that correct sets off the next big war. >> out of saudi arabia, there was an unusual attack resulting in explosions. drones trargtd two facilities. >> yemeni rebels fight fight ago war against the saudi baghdad government took blame. but iran was blamed. >> iran calls the claim meaningless. >> president trump says they have reason to know exactly who is behind the attacks and is locked and loaded but he also says he's waiting to hear who the saudis blame before deciding how to move forward. >> trevor: that is the most confusing threat ever. trump says america's locked and loaded we're ready for war, but, first, let's see who the war is

with on the count of three, ready, saudi? one, two, three, iran! i was going to say iran! ( laughter ) that's right, an oil facility in saudi arabia was attacked. yemeni rebels have claimed responsibility, but america was, like, got it, i haven't iran. at this point sounds like america is a drunk guy in a bar trying to turn anything into a fight with iran. you looking at my girl, iran? no, not with a girl. yeah, she left because you pissed my pants, iran! ( laughter ) here's the big thing that confuses me. donald trump says that america has to go and fight for scrape because they're one of america's allies, right? and what makes them an ally is that they buy billions of dollars in u.s. weapons. so my question is, why don't they just use those weapons they bought to fight for themselves? why does america have to go fight for them? are the saudi leaders just, like, we spent a billion on this shit we're not going to get it

dirty, no, no, no. these are special weapons. ( laughter ) moving on, this next story involves mike pence, vice president and man who avoids eye contact with barbie dolls. turns out last year he was on the campaign trail and got attacked. >> vieps reveals triple crown winner american pharaoh bit him on the arm. he says he was helping campaign for congressman andy barrer last year when the two were invited to see the prize winning horse in lexingson. pence says he and barr were posing for pictures when american pharaoh bit him so hard on the arm he almost collapsed. ( laughter ) oh, yes! that's right, the vice president was bitten by a horse. ( laughter ) and let's be clear -- he didn't almost collapse from the pain, he almost collapsed from the pleasure. ( laughter ) oooh, it hurts so good! don't tell mother about this! ( laughter ) now the good news is pence

wasn't badly hurt, all right? the horse bit him but middle east let go because horses don't like the taste of mayonnaise. ( laughter ) there is also good news for the horse -- after it came out the horse bit mike pence, nbc made the horse a paid contributor! ( laughter ) finally, in fun news, we might have gotten used to fox flattering the president all the time, but recently the great lou dobs took it to the next level. >> a lot is happening in washington and across this great country of ours because we have a president who is a true leader, i believe, and who i happen to believe will be regardlessed as one of the country's greatest presidents, indeed the greatest. i spent time in the white house yesterday and i want to give you unauthorized report of what i witnessed in the white house. the mood couldn't be more high energy. i've seen a number of white houses. i want you to know the joint is hopping, at every level on every floor, this white house is energized. there's sunshine beaming

throughout the place and on almost every face. >> trevor: the joint is hopping? ( laughter ) at the end, though, when he was rhyming, sound like the whitest version of rapper's delight ever -- the joint is hopping throughout the place and sunshine's beaming on everyone's face! ( cheers and applause ) what was that? actually, my favorite part is that he said, sunshine is beaming on "almost every face." ( laughter ) almost like even the propaganda about trump can't go that farm. come on, guys, i can't say everyone is happy. people know melania lives there. come on, now! ( laughter ) i know we kid trump for watching fox news, but i get it, if there was a tv channel that talked about me this way, i would watch that show all day. how can you resist? i would be there all day -- trevor noah and the folks at

"the daily show," greatest comedic minds of all time, ass cheeks couldn't be firmer. dobbs did such a good job of pleasing the president, out of habit trump paid him $130,000. that's it for they said license. let's move on to the top story. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ today's top story is all about brett kavanaugh, the newest member of the supreme court and the only justice to be sponsored by bud lite. ( laughter ) you probably remember this but brett kavanaugh's supreme court confirmation was one of the most contention in american history. he faced multiple accusations of inappropriate behavior including drunken misconduct and sexual assault. but after being cleared by the f.b.i., he managed to get just enough senate votes to be confirmed by the supreme court. but a yeefer later the "new york times" dropped a bomb story that

put kavanaugh back in the spotlight. >> tonight questions about a new report, another sexual assault allegation against justice brett kavanaugh, this one reportedly never pursued by the f.b.i. the "new york times" publishing the previously unreported account of mike stier, one of kavanaugh's former yale classmate. >> -- told the senator and the f.b.i. he saw mr. kavanaugh with his pants down at a drunken dorm party where friends pushed his genitals on to a female student. >> trevor: goddam! every college story we hear aboutbeck makes him seem worse and worse. it's always something about him exposing himself. he's lucky that mike pence horse wasn't around during his college career because you see what they do to carrots, y'all! ( laughter ) and you know, when you hear stories like this, it's hard to believe someone like that could ever go on to the supreme court.

it must be even harder for people who actually went to school with kavanaugh. can you remember their conversations? whatever happened to balls-out brett? actually, it's justice balls-out brett now. ( laughter ) now, here's the thing, this story is messy and what makes it messy is that the woman who this allegedly happened to says she doesn't remember any of this happening, but the guy who says he saw it says she was so drunk at the time he's not surprised that she can't remember it. we may never know for sure what happened that night especially since the f.b.i. never even investigated it, which may seem like a surprise to some people but according to the "new york times," the f.b.i. didn't look into a lot of the accusations against kavanaugh. >> the incident echos a similar but separate algailings made by debra ramirez who came forward last year accusing kavanaugh of exposing himself to her at a yale party. >> in his denial kavanaugh claimed that, had the incident happened, it would have been the talk of campus. now the "new york times" is reporting on evidence that it

was the talk of campus. per the "times," at least seven people heard about the yale incident long before kavanaugh was a federal judge. ms. ramirez's legal team gave the f.b.i. a list of at least 25 individuals who may have had corroborating evidence but the pure to interviewed none of them. >> trevor: the story keeps getting more and more strange. the f.b.i. ignored 25 normer yale students who could give evidence? i didn't know police also ignored white people. crazy. yale and the bronx? who would have known! in the f.b.i.'s defense, the reason they didn't interview the potential witnesses was because the white house reportedly told the f.b.i. that when it came to kavanaugh and the accusations, they were only allowed to interview eleven specific people and no wilson. yeah. it's not something you do when you're confident in someone's innocence. you're just, like, interview anyone -- no, just them.

like jeffrey epstein saying, i have nothing to hide -- don't look there, but anywhere else! ( laughter ) if these stories weren't true, why was kavanaugh constantly whipping his dick out at parties? ( laughter ) at every single story, he's doing at high school parties, college parties. i'm starting to wonder if kavanaugh even ups what parties are. shows up to his grandma's birthday party -- happy 90th, grandma! no, brett! we said bring your famous "dip"! ( laughter ) ( applause ) if it's true, it would explain why kavanaugh wanted to be a supreme court justice. he gets to wear a robe all day. easy access! the job he should have should be

an astronaut. it would be a disaster if he was to meet aliens -- join us at our welcome party. did someone say party? no! ( laughter ) as has become normal in the age of trump, reactions to this story have become as partisan as everything else. >> this new report prompting democratic candidates for president to call for kavanaugh's impeachment. kamala harris who serves on the senate judiciary committee tweeting he was put on the court through a sham process and his place on the court is an insulto the pursuit of truth and justice. republicans saying democrats need to move on. >> tropical storm nobody they don't want time peach and at some point they just have to let the anger go. >> trevor: yeah at some point you've just got to let the anger go. donald trump said my wife was ugly and my dad killed j.f.k. and now i go on tv to support him and i'm perfectly happy --

( fake laugh ) ( laughter ) speaking of trump, the president is also weighing in on the kavanaugh news and no prize for guessing which side he's on. >> president trump also coming to kavanaugh's defense, twilighting, "he is an innocent man who has been treated horribly. such lies about him. brett kavanaugh should start suing people for libel or the justice department should come to his rescue ." >> trevor: the justice should come to his rescue? what? trump doesn't likely understand how the government works. he just acts like the justice department is his own personal emergency line? hello, justice department, there's a monster under my bed, come quick! no, dad, it's me, eric! even worse! come quicker! come quicker! ( applause ) so looks like president trump is once again ready to fight to clear brett kavanaugh's name. and i'm sure, when he's done, you know, he'll probably throw kavanaugh a big victory party

where he'll go, no, brett, no! no, not again! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) (paul) wireless network claims are so confusing. america's most reliable network. the nation's largest and most reliable network.

the best network is even better? best, fastest, best. enough. sprint's doing things differently. they're offering a new 100% total satisfaction guarantee. i mean i think sprint's network and savings are great, but don't just take my word for it. try it out and decide for yourself. switch to sprint and get both an unlimited plan and one of the newest phones included for just $35 a month. for people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay.com.

(dog barking) (dog barking) google nest hub max (dog barking) by google nest. romance isn't dead! but it is here. thanks, captain obvious.

don't hate-like their trip, book yours with hotels.com and get rewarded basically everywhere. hotels.com. be there. do that. get rewarded. but there is so much more you want to do. new starbucks tripleshot energy. 225 mg of caffeine for the energy to do what matters to you. what gives you energy? [upbeat music] no matter how much you clean, does your house still smell stuffy? that's because your home is filled with soft surfaces that trap odors and release them back into the room. so, try febreze fabric refresher febreze finds odors trapped in fabrics (bubbles popping) and cleans them away as it dries. use febreze every time you tidy up to keep your whole house smelling fresh air clean. fabric refresher even works for clothes you want to wear another day. make febreze part of your clean routine for whole home freshness. ♪la la la la la.

( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the first latina and third woman ever appointed to the supreme court of the united states. she has written a new children's book called "just ask: be different, be brave, be you." please welcome justice sonia sotomayor. ( cheers and applause ) it is truly an honor to have you here on the show. just so we're all on the same page, ahead of time, there are

certain rules when speaking to a supreme court justice especially on tv and a few of those are i know that you cannot speak about any cases or any of your colleagues or anything that could negatively impact the institution that is the supreme court, that is correct? >> that is correct. >> trevor: so i just have a few -- ( laughter ) these once. these ones. these ones. okay. no, these ones. ( laughter ) welcome to the show, let's begin with the book. >> i haven't left you with much. >> trevor: no, you have. i want to talk about the book. after the break, it will be great to get into the court and everything you've experienced while serving on it. a children's book is not exactly where you would expect a supreme court justice to be. you would expect it to be a book about law or a book, you know, about what's happening in the country or life and legalese, but a children's book is what

you wrote. why? >> i write law every single day. ( laughter ) and most of it -- and most of it is going to go down in the history books, and after much time passes, some people may read one or two of those decisions. but if i can affect the lives of children, if i can inspire them to be bigger, better, braver than they believe they can be, then i've left a real legacy, in my judgment. >> trevor: you are talking to kids from a very personal place. >> right. >> trevor: the book is called "just ask." what i really love about the book is you have these stories of a group of kids going to a garden and really it's a tale about children who may be facing difficulties in their lives. you have a child who has a.d.h.d., another childs has tourette's, sonia has

diabetes -- i wonder where that came from -- and it's a story about the kids having whatever they have to deal with, but the one obstacle you don't want them to have to face is people judging them because of what they have to deal with. >> judging them because of their difference. the "just ask" title was born over 30 years ago. when i was seven and a half i was diagnosed with diabetes and i started to give hiself injections of insulin every day, and as was common back then, gratefully less common today, i was embarrassed by my condition. >> trevor: right. >> i thought it showed weakness, i thought my friends would make fun of it, and, so, i hid it. the "just ask" is encouraging, not just the children like me who are differently abled to speak about their conditions, to be brave about them, in the way they are every day. >> trevor: right.

>> think about how far it is for a dyslexic child to read. or julia, who bears the name of a special little girl in my life who has tourette's syndrome. it's actually one of my favorite scenes is that one. if you look in the book, you will see one of the symptoms of tourette's is uncontrolled body movements. >> trevor: right. >> blinking is one of them. julia's blinking, and the owl blinks back at her. but julia had an incident when she was smaller, she was in a store, and her tourette's went into action, and she was moving around uncontrollably, and a woman looked at her and said, don't you have a mother that can control you? >> trevor: wow. >> thankfully, she does. she has a mother who's a school teacher and set that lady straight.

( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: oh! i love it! every single story in the book has that feeling of overcoming. i also love that you have the book in spanish as well. "just ask." and the book is available now. "just ask," which is what i'm going to be doing with justice sonia sotomayor after the break, i will be just asking questions i have about the supreme court. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) gatorade. packs carbs to refuel and electrolytes to replenish so you can bring the heat. nothing beats gatorade. i[ "go your own way" by fleetwood mac ]. and he's not home yet.

you can do magic? everyone push. oh no! whoa! [ roar ] wow. woo!

snow leopards are almost impossible to find, with ai we can protect what we can't see. but we need to know where they are, because they are threatened. our camera traps allow us to have and eye in the mountains, taking thousands of pictures. microsoft ai scans through all these images, and separates snow leopards from everything else, in ten minutes instead of ten days. it gives us time to do better research, and save this threatened species. try my free chocolate cake with a 10 piece meal. but i wanna pay for it! but it's free coach! but i wanna pay for it!! but its free. my whole life i have paid for chocolate cake! get a free chocolate cake with a 10 piece meal at kfc get a free chocolate cake the hazelnut spread m&m'sve all been wspokescandy! (clapping) (audience gasps) oh my

what did you do?? (giggles) we ate him. ♪ still fresh... ♪ unstopables in-wash scent booster ♪ downy unstopables ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." we are honored to be joined by a supreme court justice, justice sonia sotomayor, everybody! still with us here on the show. ( cheers and applause ) so i've always wondered what it is like to be on a supreme court and not just in terms of the legal part of it but all of the pressures that come with the job, you know, shaping the

course of a country and, at the same time, trying to remove yourself from the fray of what's defining what is happening in that country. how removed are supreme court justices from the everyday fray? are you instagram only, no twitter? is that what you do? >> i don't do either. every one of the nine justices were incredibly devoted citizens, and they were very active in our world before they became justices, and i dare say that every one of us is a little bit above the fray because we can't comment about the fray, but we certainly read about what's happening in the world, and we stay tuned to the news. we're not monastic in the sense of not knowing what's happening in the world. >> trevor: the court is constantly thrust into the spotlight, especially in american news. now, what do you think is important in and around, you

know, a confirmation of a justice or what do you think the most important qualities of a gum has to be because it is, you know, one of the highest positions you can possess in the land. >> i'm going to answer that differently. i'm going to answer a question you haven't asked but i think is much more important -- what should you possess as a citizen? >> trevor: hmm. >> and i think that, in this roomful of people, if i ask every non-lawyer in the room and maybe some lawyers how many supreme court decisions have you read from beginning to end, no one will raise their hand. all the news people get is from the newspapers or television, unless you engage with the arguments you don't understand how hard the questions are. and the fact that, even when you win, sometimes it wasn't so clear that you should have. and, so, i think it would make people much more respectful of

the court as an institution, but of courts generally, if they took the time to read those decisions that they feel affect them so deeply. >> trevor: that's powerful. my counter would be what you just said. you said people get their news from the tv, headlines and sound bytes. >> mm-hmm. >> trevor: the supreme court is still only in written and audio form, and i'm saying, like, i could produce, like, a courtroom show where you guys are on camera. ( laughter ) do you think maybe the court should jump into the era of tv and broadcast what you're doing? >> no. ( laughter ) you walk into our courtrooms and we're not made for tv, and i think if our arguments were televised, it might change the dynamic, and we're human beings and the draw to play to tv affects every human being. >> trevor: now that you've said that, i feel like no part

of the u.s. government should be on tv. ( laughter ) >> actually, that's what some senator said to me, that the partisanship in the senate started to grow when cameras went into the senate room. those senate rooms now are completely empty. it's the chair of the senate, it is the senator speaking and some members of his staff. there is no one else in the room but the camera, and they're speaking to the camera, not to each other. but many senators told me that they felt that much of the collegiality died when they stopped getting together in that room and were forced to listen to each other and were forced to sit next to each other and talk to each other. so i think you said a joke, some might think it might be a good idea to return to those days. >> trevor: because i understand how difficult it can

be to be natural on tv! ( laughter ) justice sonia sotomayor, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ romance isn't dead! but it is here. thanks, captain obvious. don't hate-like their trip, book yours with hotels.com and get rewarded basically everywhere. hotels.com. be there. do that. get rewarded. packs carbs to refuel and electrolytes to replenish ♪ so you can bring the heat. ♪ nothing beats gatorade.

[trumpet plays] [gust of wind] [sounds of items hitting phone] [trumpet plays] [thud] [spray of sprinklers] ♪ [trumpet plays]

[upbeat♪action music] (pilot) we're going to be on the tarmac for another 45 minutes or so. there's a lot of stuff michael follows online.

then he tried tostitos scoops and salsa... and he started following them in real life. no! ♪ and kept following... ♪ everywhere. ♪ wow, okay. boundaries, michael, boundaries. hey, mike. sup. oh! tostitos. get together already. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. "lights out with david spade" is coming up next. but first, here it is... your moment of zen. ♪ >> have a great weekend. the president makes such