- [together] ♪ imagin-ation ♪ imagin-a-a-a-ation ♪ imagination - butters? butters! - huh? what? oh... oh, it was all just a dream. - come on, butters, time to get up. - oh, dad, i had the craziest dream. i saved all of imaginationland from running wild after a terrorist attack! - you were in imaginationland, butters. we've read all about it in the paper. the question is: what were you doing in imaginationland when you were supposed to be helping your mother clean up the basement? - you are grounded, mister! - aww. wait, i'm not grounded. - oh, yes, you are! - oh, yeah?

- that only works in imaginationland. you're grounded! aw, shit. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you for coming out! thank you so much for coming out! i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight is a professional gamer and an internet superstar. he has now come out with something called "a book." tyler "ninja" blevins is joining us on the show, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) bona fide superstar. also on toot's episode, sugar

daddies are going to school, bernie sanders beats a heart attack, and donald trump is getting impeached! yeah! whoo! that's right! yeah, make noise for congressional procedures! ( laughter ) let's catch up on today's headlines. let's kick it off with some great news. >> 2020 hopeful bernie sanders says he's feeling good after heart surgery. the have the senator canceling several campaign events after the treatment for a blocked artery. sanders is using the opportunity to push his healthcare plan tweeting, none of us know when a medical emergency might affect us, and no one should fear going bankrupt if it occurs. medicare for all. >> trevor: bernie! ( cheers and applause ) bernie! oh, man! i am so happy! and i'm so glad that bernie is still, like, in the mix. this is what i love about him! he's consistent! most people wouldn't think about

other people and their policies in a crisis, but bernie uses it as an opportunity to reinforce his beliefs. the dude has a heart procedure and his first statement is this is why america needs healthcare! if bernie was kidnapped by the joker, he would be, like, this is why we need better healthcare in gotham! these psychopathic clowns, they need our help! ( laughter ) bernie needed a procedure to unclog an artery in his heart and looks like he's recovering well. i'm really excited. i thought it was really sweet many of his presidential candidate opponents sent him well wishes. what's sweeter is when bernie received the wishes he equally redistributed them amongst people in the hospital. you get the one from kamala, you get the one -- ( laughter ) it must be hard to operate on bernie. no one thinks about that because he solidly believes what he believes. i bet he woke up in surgery and said why does the doctor make so much more than the nurse?

they work just hard! pull the plug! don't try to silence me! ( laughter ) we're happy bernie is getting better. do you know who i blame for this happening in the first place? iowa. stop making candidates eat that shit! no more fried hot dogs. from now on, only fried salads. in other news, facebook, how we keep up with racist friends and how we rsvp for parties we'll never attend. now the f.b.i. has found a new use for it. >> the f.b.i. is now running facebook ads targeting russian spice. the goal is to convince the spice to switch allegiances and cooperate with the u.s. government. the f.b.i. did not confirm details about the campaign but we can confirm they're powered by the bureau's verified facebook page and publicly viewable. >> trevor: yes, you heard it right -- facebook is targeting russian spice who live in america with ads hoping to get them to defect.

and that should tell you how powerful facebook ads are. like if a spy can't resist them, what chance do you have, like, resisting those unpocket shirts! i've got to buy one! ( laughter ) and i will say, it must be terrifying for a secret agent to see an ad targeted -- you're trying to be secret and the ad pops up and he's, like, (russian accent) how did they know? sergey, the umbrella, i told you, the next day, it will show up on instagram! they are listening to us, you hear? ( laughter ) i guess it's obvious, but i never likely thought about russian spice having social media just like the rest of us, because when you think about it, it's bad enough when your mom posts an embarrassing comment on your photos, but for a spy that shit can get you killed. can you imagine some russian mom is, like, hey, vlad, how is

being a secret spy in america? are you eating enough? ( laughter ) all right, and finally, in education news, everybody knows that teachers in america don't get the appreciation or the pay that they deserve, but now some teachers are going online to find people who do appreciate them. >> a lot of teachers have to take second or third jobs to make ends meet but now we are learning more and more resorting to sugar daddy web sites to seek an arrangement to pay the bills. the site allows women to set up mutually benefit relationships often with older men who are willing to pay for companionship. secret arrangement says they have more than 10,000 teachers on their site. >> trevor: yep, that's right. teachers in america are paid so poorly that some of them are turning to sugar daddies to make ends meet. and i'm sorry, that's embarrassing news for america. all right. it's also bad news for sugar daddies. yeah, because there's no romance, this is not what they're going to do with the

teachers. the sugar daddy will be, like, hey, baby, i got us tickets to paris for the weekend. she would-be, like, great, but i just wanted 36 boxes of crayons. can you help me with that? ( laughter ) i hope the students use this to guilt students into working harder. you didn't do your math homework? do you know how much 80-year-old dick that calculator costs? you should be doing your shit, young man! all right, that's it for the headlines, let's move on to our top story! ( cheers and applause ) impeachment, it's the thank you next of politics. and today was yet another day of mainly development in the unfolding ukraine scandal. so let's catch up on all the latest news in our ongoing segment the fantastic, absolutely tremendous road to impeachment. ( cheers and applause )

>> no other president should ever have to go through -- presidential harassment! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: things went into another gear on capitol hill today as congress heard from the first witness in its impeachment inquiry, kurt volcker, the former envoy to ukraine who resigned last week after it came out that he had been texting with trump lawyer and haunted egg rudy giuliani. now, volcker's testimony took place behind closed doors so we don't know exactly what he said. but while he was talking in private, donald trump was letting loose on the white house lawn. >> this is just breaking, president trump leaving the white house, calling on two different foreign governments to investigate his political rival joe biden. >> so i would say that president zelensky, if it were me, i would recommend they start an investigation into the bidens. china should start an investigation into the bidens, because what happened in china is just about as bad as what

happened with -- with ukraine. >> trevor: this guy is unbelievable. ( laughter ) he's already facing impeachment for asking ukraine to investigate joe biden, and now he's, like, you know what, china? get on it, too, you jump in as well! ( laughter ) trump may be the only person on earth who thinks two wrong do make a right. he's probably in his mind, yeah, it makes sense, don, jr. and eric cancel things out, that means i only have ivanka. works, people. totally works. ( laughter ) now as the scandal develops, more and more people in trump's orbit are getting sucked in. first trump's personal lawyer, then his secretary of state. i wouldn't be shocked if next week we find out sea sean spices a part of this. be, like, yeah he's been sending secret messages to ukraine on "dancing with the stars." because that's not dancing, we can all agree.

that's full body morse code, that's what that is. ( laughter ) but now yet another member of the trump cabinet is getting pulled into ukrainegate. >> this morning "the washington post" reporting president trump repeatedly enlisted vice president mike pence to join in his pressure campaign on ukraine. the president ordering pence to skip the inauguration of zelensky. >> white house officials say pence likely would have received detailed notes of the president's call with zelensky in his daily briefing on july 6. >> if the president knew about that that not only taint him but makes him ineligible as well for the presidency. >> trevor: so mike pence likely knew about the phone call, had access to the transcript, and personally told

zelensky he wasn't getting his military aid. i bet mother considers it cheating. i'm not shocked pence was involved because he does whatever pence tells him, right? trump is homer simpson, right, and he basically picked ned flanders as his v.p. if trump says jump into that volcano, pence would be like oakley dockley, sir, i'll do it. ( laughter ) mike pence doesn't deny he got tough with ukraine. he claims it was all totally innocent. >> questions swirling about what pence knew and when. >> officials close to pepsi say he was unaware the president pressured zelensky for damaging information on i political rival joe biden. >> his aides insist he was in the dark. >> trevor: i won't lie. this is a weird excuse. pence said he was pressuring ukraine but didn't know it had anything to do with joe biden.

that doesn't make sense. why was he pressuring him, didn't he why? that would be like a mob enforcer not knowing what he's enforcing. i don't think you understand, tommy, my boss wants me to do the thing. what do you want me to do? i don't know! i just show up and do this with my hands and people do a thing. i don't know what it is! ( laughter ) mike pence seems to say he was blissfully unaware of what trump was up to. but seems like this is his excuse for a lot of things that happen in this white house. >> seven people close to the vice president tell cnn pence was unaware flynn spoke to the russian ambassador about sanctions. >> he was unaware of flynn's ties to turkey. >> this is the first i heard of it. >> pence wasn't aware of communications with wikileaks. >> he was unaware of this controversial meeting. >> i was i learn as i awoke this

morning of those developments. >> trevor: #, i awoke like this. when there's a trump scandal, mike pence doesn't know what's going on. he's like every mom watch ago movie. is that the bad guy? no, mom, that's the pixar lamp. it hasn't started yet. why did he kill the guy? the movie hasn't started! my mom used to do that. we would be watching a movie. we would just get started. you know how somebody gets killed in the beginning and my mom says, trevor, why did they kill him? i would say, i don't know, mom, we're watching it together. i'll tell you at the end. ( laughter ) the way he tells it, mike pence doesn't know about anything of the bad things happening in the trump administration, which is most of the things happening. and i mean, if that's true, that's actually not good for america because you realize if trump gets kicked out, pence becomes president, but clearly

he has no idea what's going on. which means he's just going to be at the state of the union, like, my fellow americans, the state of the union is -- uh -- like this? you know, the thing. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) you don't let a cold ruin your day. you take dayquil severe liquicaps and crush it.

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amazing. welcome to "the daily show," everybody. thanks for coming out. thanks very much for being here. ( cheers and applause ) if you have been keeping up with the news, you've probably seen this story coming out of texas that's blown up, andeth been taking place for a while. it's been the trial of the police officer amber geiger. any of you saw that? all right, the police officer who said she accidentally walked into a man's apartment in her building and then she thought that he was th the intruder ande shot him dead. when this happened, it was a wild story because it was already crazy. you walk into a wrong apartment, shot the person, what were you doing? so the trial has been going on. the first thing haves weird for me was the judge allowed the

defense to use what they called the castle doctrine in america, so they would allow the defense that she was protecting herself because she thought it was her house, which already was weird to me. the castle doctrine is a very strict one in america, but i get it fundamentally. if you're in your house, you can do whatever you need to do to protect yourself. but it's, no, you thought it was your house and shot someone but it's not your house because then you can think you're in your house anywhere. so it was weird. i honestly was worried this was going to be another one of the cases in america where just didn't get served because it seemed a fairly black and white, excuse the pun, case. and then the verdict was handed down and the jury did find her guilty. but what has followed sense has been a really interesting story. we actually have a clip.

it's a really complicated story, but this is basically what went down. >> the white former dallas police officer convected of murdering her black neighbor has learned her fate. yesterday, arm beer gigger -- amber guyger was sentenced to ten years. 18-year-old jean forgave guyger for killing his older brother botham. at the end, he gave her a bible and embraced her as well. she will be eligible for parole in five years. some thought outside the courtroom the sentence was too lenient. >> trevor: that's basically the story as it stands and it's interesting because, like, i sat with this story and talked to my friends about it and it's so

funny how many -- you know, how many complicated feelings there are in and around it. first and foremost, a thousand kudos and just, like, honestly i admire the compassion of the jean family. at the same time, though, i understood why so many people were angered by that moment because this thing has really blown up online. people saying they were angry she was getting hugs from the judge and angry that she was getting hugs from the family, and some people -- it was like a lot of people fighting about this now and they were, like, she murdered a man, why is she getting hugs? yes, but they're forgiving her. she goes to jail but there's forgiveness. i have conflicted feelings, but i think i understand what is happening in so many different ways with how people are looking at the story. on the one hand, you can't deny that people feel like ten years, five, actually, is not a lot of time to be given for taking another human being's life, especially if you're found

guilty of murder. there's people in jail in america for doing far lesser crimes, you know, whether they have been charged with, like, drug trafficking where they just had a certain amount of drugs and assumed to be drug traffickers, or where people said it was violent crimes and it was assault, but they're spending more time in jail, and it seems like another case of the system preferring people look like a certain way and fit a certain narrative. i get it, white women tears doing their magic. the myth, white women tears, anything, traffic stops. white women cries and people are, like, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah. ( laughter ) it's true. it's a joke but it's true at the same time. it's, like, white women throughout history have been good at stepping away from the thing with their tears. you know, it will be like everyone looks at the clan, everyone forgets it's wives of the clan. people are, like, it's the clan. and the wives would be, like, i didn't know my husband!

but it's, like, you helped him put the sleet on every night. i just thought he liked halloween, i'm sorry! that's what a lot of people feel like in these instances, they feel like the white tears are really felt, whereas the tears of people of different races and other genders aren't felt as much, and i think, you know, that, like, all of it stems from the conversations in and around race in america. you can't avoid it. people are looking at a story of a white woman who shot a black man in his house who did nothing, who was just in his house, and people were angry and i understand why so many people were angry because they're, like, she doesn't deserve hugs. she deserves to lose her life the way she took a lifetime i'm not speaking for everybody. i know maybe i'm speaking for some of my friends and myself, but i feel like the anger actually comes from people feeling like that is the level of empathy everybody should receive in a court, you know?

everybody should have a judge look at them like a human being. everybody in society should be treated with a level of compassion. they should still be punished if they've committed a crime, but we should still look at them as human beings and, yet, this narrative doesn't seem to be afforded to black people in america especially by the news, because if you look at all the news stories about this, they paint it, like, it's a beautiful moment where she's hugged by everyone. they don't use the same editorial when a young black child is going to jail. they don't go this young black man who was recruited into a gang and had no other choices -- they're just, like, he was sentenced and found guilty and that's the story, as if that's what's expected. it almost feels like if you're a black person and commits a crime and goes to jail, that's what black people. do but if you're a white person and commits a crime and goes to jail, it's, oh, what a disaster story. they tell you about the human behind the act. this story shows you exactly the

opposite example. this black young man was doing his own thing, got shot. they told you he had a history with weed. the news told you. why? he was stopped in a traffic stop. he did have a case. what does that have to do with it? the cop traveling through time to punish him? people have to understand some of the narratives about what we tell and share about what's happening in the world is so much more powerful than what we they they are. you think it's just on the surface but people are seeing the reinforcing of an idea, but i think the mistake we shouldn't make as people is we shouldn't necessarily jump to we want people like i can' amber guigero spend more and the most time in jail, we should be asking for compassion and say i don't want anyone to spend excessive amounts of time in jail, and, , so the same way a white shooter is disarmed peacefully, the same

way a white murderer can get a hug in a courtroom and sympathy, the same way a young shooter is spoken about as a human being because he is white, you would hope that same level of compassion and empathy would be applied to black people. that's all it is. ( applause ) [ song: johnny cash, "these are my people." ] ♪ these are my people ♪ ♪ these are the ones ♪ ♪ who will reach for the stars ♪ ♪ these are my people ♪ by the light of the earth, ♪ ♪ you can tell they are ours ♪ ♪ a new step to take ♪

and a new day will break ♪ yes, these are my people ♪ when i think of what my imagination looks like... [laughs] i mean, wow. ♪ the surface is a tool that helps me realize beautiful ideas. ♪ what does everyone wanttacos!ht? you can call us crazy that's okay.

we'll get party packs delivered anyday. taco bell party packs get your first delivery free on orders of twelve dollars or more. only on grubhub [bell sound] >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a professional gamer with more than 40 million followers across his platforms and a brand-new book called "get good: my ultimate guide to gaming." please welcome tyler "ninja" blevins!

( cheers and applause ) ♪ welcome to "the daily show." >> thank you, thank you for having me. >> trevor: this is so exciting having you on because you are truly the pioneer of elite sports gaming in terms of being a person who you brought it into the mainstream. back in the day, people would be, like, gamers in the basement of your mom's house and i was always offended -- >> i was in my mom's basement. ( laughter ) >> trevor: oh, you were. this has been a ride for you. >> yeah. >> trevor: what did you do the first time someone paid you? did you think it was a trap? >> fun fact -- my mom actually made my dad come with me to my first tournament in i think, like, columbus, ohio, it was major league gaming, and she thought it was a fake company of old people who lured kids to, like, molest them. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i would think the

same thing. if my kid said i'm going to get money to play video games, i would be, like, who's giving you this money? but it really has blown up. what i found interesting is how initially there was a lot of resistance. people are, like, why are you getting money for playing a video game? but people don't understand you put in hours as an athlete. how many hours do you play a day? >> minimum eight hours. imagine playing a stressful game of chess for eight hours at a high level, it's stress. it's exhausting. every day i did it eight years straight with minimal breaks. i would say maximum. actually took the longest break was one week. >> trevor: we started to see that in the rise of ninja. you've become bigger than gaming. it's become an idea, a brand. you work with adidas. you broke the record for the most subscribers on the streaming. >> yep. >> trevor: in a week.

>> yep. >> trevor: and now you've got this book. ( applause ) >> thank you guys. >> trevor: this is interesting because when there were ninjas that got a book, i was, like, a book about what? it's gaming, you have a book about the buttons? but i'm not even joking, i read the book and as a gamer but just like someone who's interested in what you do, i found it fascinated how you break it down. this is, like, the business of gaming and it's the business of the sport. it's, like, this is a manual which technically doesn't exist. is that why you wrote it? >> i really just wanted to give back. i have been streaming for a long time and every day i get asked questions. you know, tyler, ninja, what settings do you use? what's the best keyboard, head set, how do i get better, more viewers? i was tired ofensing the questions, so i wrote a book. >> trevor: right. congratulations. >> thank you so much. >> trevor: "get good" is available now. you can watch him on

mixer.com/ninja. we'll be right back, everyone. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ oh baby. ♪ c'mom and say it now. ♪ just let the words come out. ♪ give me your love. ♪

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>> trevor: all right, that's our show for tonight. "lights out with david spade" is coming up next. but first, here it is... your moment of zen. >> we know that whistleblower is a former c.i.a. agent detailed to the n.f.c. who is probably back at the c.i.a. who hates this president more than they love their country and the fact is they never had any firsthand account of what transpired. >> cory. >> yes? >> did you have a little merlot with dinner? >> no, should i have? - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪