- shh. you're gonna scare 'em away. - [chuckles] that's a text. - yeah. right? - that's your new standard. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ is. >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody. thank you so much for tuning in. thank you for coming out as always! all fantastic! i'm trevor noah! our guest tonight is the young woman formally known as emily doe in the stanford university sexual assault case. she's now telling her story in a

powerful new memoir. channememoir. chanel chanel wil miller will bs tonight. and on "the tonight show," china declares war on the n.b.a. and how oversleeping can get you jail time and tyler perry. let's catch up on today's headlines. let's kick it off with tyler perry, writer, director, mogul and part-time woman who whips people's ass. ( laughter ) now he's taking things to a whole new level. >> tyler perry made history over the weekend with the opening of his new film studio in atlanta becoming the first african-american to own a studio outright without any other partners. >> the atlanta film complex spans 330 acres with 12 sound stages, larger than the burbank california lots owned by warner brothers, paramount and walt disney studios combined. the center of the studios was

the dedication of 12 sound stages named after black directors, actors, prowrsd, who all made continu contributions a includinincluding cicely tyson,. >> trevor: wow! wow! that is insane! really impressive, but, at the same time, classic patriarchy. me diamakes all the money but tyler perry takes the credit. why aren't they madea studios? ( laughter ) tyler perry studios were already impressive, "black panther, "the walking dead" all shot there, now he's expanding it to become one of the biggest studios in the country. congratulations to tyler perry. naming each location for an african-american icon is great. do you know how rich you have to give something to oprah? she probably forgot what that

feels like. she's probably, like, wait, what's happening? we're all getting studios! ( cheers and applause ) and i know tyler perry is building a studio for everyone else to use, but i would make a rule madea has to be in every movie that's filmed there. i would be, like, madea has to be in "star wars." darth vader would be, like, luke, i'm your father and madea would be, like, i'm your auntie, that's right, you're black, luke! welcome to the big happy force family! ( laughter ) i think my favorite thing is the white house set. i don't know if you've seen it but it's a replica and it's 35,000-odd square feet. i was thinking we could definitely trick trump into living there. ( laughter ) just spin him around a few times, put him in the white house by himself and he'll see tyler perry and be like ben carson, great to see you, so

good. ( laughter ) tyler perry, great to see a black person so successful. black progress, that's what it looks like. while we're inspired by a new level of black progress, the next story reminds you there's still a long way to go. >> when they say jury do the is mandatory, they mean it, just ask a florida man who ended up in jail after missing his first day serving on a trial. >> today deandre somerville came to court on time. the 21-year-old apologizing to the judge after he says he overslept, missing his first day serving on a jury. somerville who had never been arrested now has a criminal record for contempt and spent ten days in jail with hardened criminals. the judge today explained the punishment that critics charge was over the top. >> mr. somerville was the only african-american on our jury and represented a very important cross section of our community. >> trevor: i'm sorry, but this right here is the biggest load of bullshit i have ever seen in a long time. ( applause ) this is crap.

like, you know racism is bad in america when a black man can get thrown in jail at someone else's trial. that's like some m. night shyamalan end racism. the judge is, like, the defendant is free to go but we find this black juror guilty, take him to jail! felicity huffman got only 14 days for fraud. this guy came late to jury duty and he gets ten days and a year of probation, gets community service and a fine. that punishment does not fit the crime. that would be, like, on a flight in the flight attendant caught you unbuckling your seat belt on takeoff and they kicked you off the plane -- get out! what's worse is the reason the judge gave, the judge is, like, i'm punishing you because you were the only black juror and we needed a black juror's perspective. so why not just put him on another jury? that's where you say you need the black people. where you don't need more black

people is in jail, mother (bleep). in jail. ( cheers and applause ) finally, moving on, this is a fun video out of long island. before you watch it, no animals or humans were harmed in the making of this story, but everyone's minds were blown. >> will the owner of a hair salon or long island, this was quite is t scare after a deer crashed through the front window. >> and the chaos was caught on camera ( crashing and screaming ) >> i would be screaming, too. customers were screaming and shards of glass were flying after the deer dashed into the beautiful salon. one woman waiting on the couch was kicked by the buck as it jumped over her. she was not seriously hurt. the deer gal lopped out the front door with a hair straightener tangled around its apt leers. >> trevor: holy shit! that's insane! that reminds maindz me when i'm running blind on a hair appointment, same thing.

i bust through the window. if you're late for a haircut, they treat you like shit. you'll leave with a messed up you've got to get in there quickly li! i love how the deer crashed will through the window but left through the front door. the deer was, like, i'm sorry, i'm so sorry! ( laughter ) but the good news is looks like no one was hurt and as for the straightener the deer left with, let's say the deer put it to some good work. nice job, bambi. that's it for the headlines. let's move on to the top story. ( cheers and applause ) over the last few days, the impeachment case against donald trump has seen a number of big developments. a second whistleblower stepped forward, damning text messages from american diplomats were released, and rudy giuliani was caught going through joe biden's trash. yeah, he wasn't looking for dirt, he was just hungry. ( laughter ) now, if you were facing the

biggest crisis of your presidency, what would you do? probably lay low and focus pointing out this fire? but you see, you're not donald trump because if you were donald trump, you would start a whole new fire. >> we're following breaking news from syria in a major new policy shift this morning, american troops are pulling back to make way for turkey's invasion of northern sir. i can't video showing american forces leaving an area along turkey's border. the abrupt change follows a phone call between president trump and turkey's president. >> top pentagon officials telling fox news they were blindsided by the news. >> trevor: at 11:00 p.m. last night, president trump announced that the u.s. would be pulling its troops out of a key part of the syria. even crazier is he didn't tell the pentagon. yeah, they were blindsided. that's like not telling n.a.s.a. you're going to blow up the mob. that's their sick. like, circumstances we have a situation, it appears the moon has exploded. he would be, like, yeah, that

was me. consider the werewolf problem solved. ( laughter ) sir, there's no werewolf problem. exactly. ( laughter ) now, trump's decision to leave this area of syria may not seem like that big of a deal but it really is because, you see, american troops in syria have been protecting kurdish forces from turkey. now, you might be, like, well why do we care so much about what happens to kurdish forces? well, because the kurds have been essential in america's fight against i.s.i.s. >> this is a major shift with a potential for major national security implications which some pentagon officials have tried to talk president trump out of. the syrian kurdish forces have been america's strongest ally in taking back territory that i.s.i.s. had captured. these forces also are holding many of the 10,000 i.s.i.s. fighters that have been captured. turkey sees these syrian kurds as a terrorist insurgency and has long urged the u.s. to stop

its support of the group, so this morning president trump is now giving the green light to turkey for a military operation that would clear these kurds out of northern syria -- >> the united states now says the kurds are on their own. the kurds say today they have been stabbed in the back. >> trevor: okay. i know there's a lot going on there, but the main takeaway is that trump's decision has now put america's kurdish allies in danger. after a move like this you can't blame america's allies thinking america's word ain't worth shit. like apple care claims they'll protect you but says, sorry, this doesn't cover broken screens. what do you mean, the whole thing is a screen! that's the whole thing, the phone is a screen! ( laughter ) so trump's surprise military move has now put the kurds at risk and, without the kurds, i.s.i.s. could make a comeback, and not like a cool small part in a tarantino movie, which is

why it's so surprise trump's allies have stopped abandoning him. >> nikki haley tweeting we must always have the backs of our allies if we expect them to have our back. >> we're abandoning them to die. they could absolutely be slaughtered and this is unconscionable. this is so unacceptable. >> a disastrous series of events. i hope the president will re-think this. >> critics include top republican senators mitch mcconnell and lindsey graham, mcconnell saying an early u.s. withdrawal would only benefit russia, iran and syria. >> trevor: that's right, even mitch mcconnell, senate majority leader and jack-o'-lantern in december has come out condemning trump. although, like, i will be honest, mitch mcconnell is so unemotional, i don't know if his words, like, have ever made anyone change their mind. he would be worse than talking down a jumper. well, don't do it, mrr, mrr, think of all the beauty in the world, mrrr --

( laughter ) so everyone from "fox & friends" to neck flaps and friends have spoken out against trump's military moves, and in response trump tweeted earlier today relax i got this. >> moments ago president trump tweeted as i stated strongly before at to reiterate if turkey does anything that i and my great unmatched wisdom consider to be off limits i will totally destroy and obliterate the economy of turkey. i have done it before. ( laughter ) >> trevor: before you judge trump, he is technically correct, there is nobody who matches his wisdom. he is correct! ( cheers and applause ) i mean, no other person -- no other person had the wisdom to stare directly into a solar ellipse, huh? ( laughter ) so if you're a member of the kurdish forces now you're probably a little nervous because you've got i.s.i.s. coming from one side and turkey

coming from the other and you're probably wondering if there's any way to get trump back on your side. do i think there is one option, kurdish forces, phone trump and you need to tell him you have dirt on joe biden, but if he wants it, he's going to have to give you military aid, or as i like to call it a kurd pro quo. ( cheers and applause ) we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) does your battery deliver extra life or extra power? extra life. extra power. extra life. extra power. good news, vs. coppertop, new duracell optimum delivers extra life in some devices. or extra power in others. ♪ this is an ad for a chip we don't need a logo. it's the three-sided crunch. you know, that cheesy, spicy, crispy-crunchy, flavor packed bodega snack that rhymes with. i need those. an ad with no logo? it's another level.

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to the "the daily show." this weekend was jam packed with sports news, which means it's time for another edition of i apologize for talking when you were talking. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> hit it! >> yeah, what's up? i'm michael kosta. >> i'm roy wood, jr., and kosta, what a weekend it was for spot, yankees, dodgers, be able playoffs, redskins fired their coach at 5:00 in the morning. what games did you see. >> i went to see the joker movie! it's hilarious! i mean, clown movies are so funny! ( laughter )

>> trevor: i think you watched that wrong. anyway, let's get started with some history being made in the world of gymnastics. >> world gymnast simone biles is making history again. the olympic phenom this weekend with two moves that have never been done before. each of those new moves will now be called the biles. >> the first twisting three times while doing two flips in midair during floor exercise. the second on the balance beam. >> back flip, back flim, double-double, there it is! that's the biles! >> with two moves already named for her, one on the vault, and this on floor exercise. >> double layover with a half twist also known as the biles. >> trevor: yeah, just flipping! >> simone biles, she's out there making history with her flips and spins and vaults. i'm worried she'll just shoot off into space. >> it might happen.

let's just think about this for a second. have you thought about how amazing this is? simone has four moves named after her, which makes everything easier for the announcer. if you're the announcer, simone is going into a biles with a biles and here she comes with a biles and, oh, she struck the biles! oh, my goodness! they should just rename gymnastics simone biles. >> i don't think it's such a big deal. i mean, my p.e. teacher named a gymnastics move after me, okay, it's the michael kosta and it's when you're playing dodge ball and you go for the ball and your pants fall down and everyone sees the penis-shaped birthmark on your butt. >> that happened? >> eleven times, roy. >> moving on, the n.b.a. season tips off in a couple but the pre-season is cook. >> like that time i wore a do-rag, it's not without controversy. >> this morning, the jen manager of houston rockets set off a

fire storm with this dleeghtd tweeting, fight for freedom stand with hong kong, referring to the massive protests against beijing and the former british connelly, china where n.b.a. is the number one sports reacted swiftly putting intense pressure on the rockets. the chinese basketball association run by former rocket yao ming announced it would suspend all cooperation with the houston team. the team's owner tweeting dmorey does not speak for the houston rockets. >> oh, man, this is very huge. >> yeah. >> the rockets g.m. tweeted out supporto the hong kong protesters. now china is shutting down their relationship with the n.b.a. >> this is a bit of a total overreaction from china. that's like finding a spider in your bedroom and you burn down the whole house. you only need to burn down the bedroom. >> yeah. this is kind of a surprise to me, though, because china and the houston rocks have a lot in common. james harden likes to work in isolation and china likes forcing people to work in

isolation. >> and look at yao ming, that's a blast from the past. he's still seven-foot six, even after he retired. why keep being tall if you're not even in the n.b.a. >> good point. i have to be honest, i'm disappointed in the n.b.a. you're going to silence one of your execs to keep making money overseas? >> i agree, roy, china is the victim here. >> that's not what i said. ( laughter ) wait a minute. are you getting paid by china? >> that is absolutely crazy, but almost as crazy as not using chinese integrated circuitry for your integrated circuitry needs. it's so good you won't even care if it's spying on you! ( laughter ) >> trevor >> sell out. speaking of basketball, let's move to the naacp. the kansas jayhawks, they had a big pre-season celebration to mark their first practice. they even hired snoop dogg to

perform. whoever booked him clearly doesn't know who snoop dogg is >> this morning the university of kansas is apologizing for this video you see here. wearing a k.u. shirt, snoop doping performed several of his hits unsense soared, fired money bills into the audience with a canon and brought out acrobatic dancers. the u.k. president said we apologize, we expected a clean version of the show. ( cheers and applause ) >> what if the organizers expect to happen? if you invite snoop dogg to perform, you know what you're getting. >> yep. >> what did you expect? the kids version bop of jen and juice? >> i would love that. ♪ rolling down the sidewalk in my big wheel ♪

♪ sipping on juicy juice ♪ did back with my mind and my legos ♪ ♪ and my legos and my mind ( cheers and applause ) >> no, that's terrible. >> it's usually better when i wear any do-rag. but, roy, this wasn't a good look for the school. you can't have strippers at a campus event. >> they were not strippers -- they were acrobatic dancers. >> they were acrobatic dancers until snoop started showering money on them. that's the rule. if anyone throws cash at you, you audit mt.cally become a stripper. you take your clothes off every night when you come home, right? but if smun with's throwing money at you, boom you're a stripper. >> if that's the case, kosta, i'm going to make you a stripper right now. >> oh, i love that! ( cheers and applause ) >> yeah, dance for me, kosta. >> want to see my birthmark? >> no, back to you, trevor! >> trevor: michael kosta and roy wood, jr., everybody!

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morning fred. ♪ [bark] ♪ [silence] sorry, sorry. ♪ ♪ [ typing ] ♪ ♪ you've got to do it. and keep doing it. because there are those who don't. and those who do. let's do.

halloween is awesome. [trick or treat] yes, yes, yes, yes. [screaming in fear] yay. [laughter] yes! thank you. doextra life or extra power? extra life. extra power. extra life. extra power. good news, vs. coppertop, new duracell optimum delivers extra life in some devices. or extra power in others. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a writer and an artist known as emily doe. she was sexually assaulted by brock turner in 2015, and her

powerful story, her powerful statement became a rallying cry for assault survivors. she reveals her name and shares her story in the new book, "know my name." please welcome chanel miller. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ welcome to "the daily show." >> thank you, trevor. >> trevor: and congratulations on a book that is drawing accolades from every single person who has read it. it's a powerful story. the book is title "know my name." for a long time, you were anonymous and then you chose to come out with your name and full story. why? >> well, i wanted the title to be declarative and definitive to say i am choosing to step forward and i'm not going to hide anymore because this is not my burden to carry. i feel like, at this point, i know who i am, i know what i'm

worth, and i know what i'm capable of, and when you know yourself on that deep level, it becomes very hard to mess with you. >> trevor: i like that. ( cheers and applause ) you know, the brock turner case was one where everyone felt like the case wasn't handled well. everyone felt aggrieved on your behalf. you had the story where it was cut and dried. >> yeah. >> trevor: and you talk about it in the book. you talk about the pain, the shame and how people tried to shift it to you. what to you hope people will learn about being a victim of sexual assault and how hard it is to share your story? >> i write in the book, your character is not what caused your hurts to happen, and as you go through this process, you will find people who tried to intimidate you, who will scare you into silence, people who want to humiliate you and tell

you that you are crazy and you are small. and i want to say you are not crazy, and you are not small. so know your truth, hold on so that truth, and it will carry you where you need to go. ( applause ) >> trevor: because you were blacked out, you have to tell the story partly from what you remember, and then using the account of the swedes who came to your aid, you know, those two swedish men who came and chased brock turner and basically filled in the pieces of the puzzle, you know. what's interesting is what you write about them, and you say it made you realize that it wasn't -- you know, in all of these stories it's not just the person that is doing the bad thing and the person that the bad thing is being done to, but there are those who see it and identify it as wrong an and theo something about it. why was it so important for you to speak about it in that way. >> can i just say that one of

the swedes, karl, is here in the audience tonight. so can we just clap? ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: oh, wow! >> it's so unbelievable to me the clarity of mind that they had to jump into action, to not only tackle him and pin him to the ground, but they were speaking to him, saying, what the "f" are you doing? do you think this is okay? apologize to her. i mean, if there's guys like that that exist in this world, why do we lower our expectations? ( cheers and applause ) yeah. we don't need to make excuses for predators. we don't need to make excuses for people who don't know how to

treat another person decently, who don't know right from wrong because there are people sitting here who do. >> trevor: wow. ( cheers and applause ) the book is a celebration, a journey, powerful. the book is your life. thank you for sharing with us and congratulations on everything. "know my name," a beautiful story, is available now. chanel miller, everybody. we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) ♪ [ "turn around, look at me" -the vogues ] ♪ there is someone ♪ walking behind you ♪ turn around ♪ look at me ♪ there is someone ♪ look at me

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this... watch... tells... time (among other things). ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: well, that's our show for tonight. "lights out with david spade" is coming up next. but first, here it is... your moment of zen. >> again, what was the beginning? say it louder. you have to speak up. speak up. talk up. you have to talk up. we have a helicopter. what did you say? i don't hear you. do i what? say it louder. you're competing with a helicopter. say it, say it, say it.

say it again. say it again. say it again. say it again. what? what? what? my hearing is great, but you have a helicopter that's raging back there -- ( cheers and applause ) ♪ . >> spade: roth lissberger was fined $5,000 for wearing an apple watch on the sidelines of an nfl game, listen nfl, the dude's had what, nine concussions, he might space out and wear his watch once in a while. give him a [bleep] break, guys. the dude's been rocked. (applause) >> and now david spade! >> spade: hey.