Click : COM : November 3, 2019 2:00pm-4:35pm PST : Free Borrow & Streaming : Internet Archive

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hi, i'm peter la fleur, owner and operator of average joe's gym. and i'm here to tell ya, you're perfect just the way you are. but if you feel like losin' a few pounds, gettin' healthier... and makin' some good friends in the process, then joe's is the place for you. don't forget that youth dodgeball classes are forming right now. so come on down and learn a great game... the way it's supposed to be played. right, kids? [ kids ] right! [ mocking laughter ] [ clicks off ] spare me. i won that tournament. chuck norris.

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[♪] ♪ summer ♪ it turns me upside down ♪ summer, summer, summer ♪ it's like a merry-go-round

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♪ i see you under the midnight ♪ ♪ all shackles and bows ♪ high shoes with the cleats a-clickin' ♪ ♪ a temperamental glow shh. shh. ♪ oh, oh, it's magic ♪ when i'm with you oh! [both scream, giggle] what was going on there, huh? we thought you were sleeping, daddy. how can i sleep with two twinkie burglars roaming around? can we watch dragon tales, please? yeah. why not, why not? [yawns] which one of these turns on the tv? [children giggle] on. [♪] [both giggling]

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honey, i think you just opened the garage. michael: i'm just planning ahead. i know. [snorts] p-yew! was that a stinky-dink bug? good job. whatever happened to the good old days when you pulled the knob and on came the boob tube? the o'doyles got a universal remote control. one clicker controls everything. makes life a lot easier for old people like you. well, whoop-de-do for the o'doyles. [whispers] ...tree house? i don't know. ask your father. ask me what? do you think you'll have time to finish building the tree house ever? ben: yeah, dad. it's kind of been halfway done for two months now. all right. i want to, it's just i got a lot of things going on at work right now. but as soon as i'm done, i'm on it. i promise. hang in there. [dog whimpers] [both giggle] hey. look at sundance wrestle his duck. [growling] oh, no. that's not wrestling.

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that's something you shouldn't know about for another 10 to 30 years. ten for you. thirty for you. [♪] donna: hey, michael? michael: yes. donna: i'll see you at the swim meet? swim meet. [groans] i gotta go to that? yes. aw... i'm kidding you. i'll be there. okay? all right. i love you. forever and ever, babe. [bicycle bell rings] mr. newman. kevin o'doyle. yeah. always a pleasure. what kind of stereo you got in that blue piece of junk? you know what? i never checked, kevin. yeah, well, my father's stereo is a bose. your father's stereo blows? that's too bad. no! i said... that's not what i said! his father's stereo blows! whee! [♪] ♪ where are all the people going? come on! pay the man. let's go! ♪ round and round till we reach the end ♪ one day leading to another

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good morning, mr. newman. good morning. good morning, mr. newman. hello. good morning, mr. newman. hi. good morning, mr. newman. hi. both: good morning, mr. newman. hi. good morning, mr. newman. man, alice, i was stuck in traffic for an hour and a half. when's the meeting? um, it started already. what? can i go to the bathroom? go to the bathroom. i told you, you don't have to ask me. [groans] [whimpering] hmm. the interesting thing, prince habeeboo, is that the building codes in manhattan will allow us-- [door opens] michael. sorry, i'm late, sir. some moron in a red lamborghini parked in my spot so-- prince habeeboo drive red lamborghini. i... red lamborghini? i meant, uh, blue ferrari. is this one of your partners? actually, michael is just an associate. but he is one of our brightest young architects. thank you. would you like to walk his majesty through our design concept, michael? with pleasure.

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prince "haboobee--" habeeboo! prince habeeboo. ha-- habeeboo. i thought i said that. [clears throat] when mr. ammer explained to me the type of man you are... a visionary who prides himself on originality... [chuckles] ...i said to myself: "let's smash the mold and redefine elegance." so i present to you your restaurant. where is... where's bar? bar is... here's the bar. now, the waterfall-- make bar longer. [inhales sharply] okay. we could cut into the atrium a little bit. habeeboo: no atrium. just make bar longer for prince habeeboo. [men murmur] really? still itchy? you got it. hmm. and put big drain in floor for wet t-shirt contest. uh, you're kidding me, right? boob water's gotta go someplace, michael. let's just take out the atrium and run with that. and there's your drain. god. i love it. it is simply awesome.

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yeah. basically, you want me to design you an arabian hoochie house? how dare you compare prince habeeboo's bikini hut restaurant to this hoochie house? this idea's got nothing to do with hoochies, michael. [yelling in arabic] it's opposite of hoochie. i meant no disrespect, prince "hubbida hubbida." "hubba bubba." habeeboo! ha-bee-boo! all: habeeboo! hubba bubba is chewing gum. prince habeeboo's not chewing gum. prince habeeboo... we will... i will make this happen. [phone rings] john ammer's office. i hope that atrium idea didn't take too long to configure, michael. oh, there'll be other junes in my life, sir. see that, uh, parking garage over there on 56th? yeah. watsuhita wants to knock it down and build a luxury hotel. you got the commission? not yet. i just need someone to come up with a design proposal. intrigued? [gasps] hell, yes. i'm fourth of july-ing with the kids this week.

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right when i get back, i'm all over it. great. have a great fourth of july with the kids. i'll put swardson on it. no, no. absolutely not. i-- can't it just wait three days? michael, these guys are japanese. they can't wait for their fish to cook. i guess i could talk to my wife. great! see you later for drinks at happy hour with prince "habadabee." okay. my son has a swim meet tonight that i have to get to... [exhales heavily] nah, i'm just messing with you. we're good. [♪] [crowd cheering and applauding] yeah, ben! [groans] that's my boy. that's my boy! kid, you were great! you're not my dad. eh? as far as you know. what? michael: i-- i was just joking. [crying] is he really my dad? come on. come on! you can do it.

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yes, ben. yes, you did it! donna: honey, you were so great. whoa. what are you, half a dolphin or something? that was incredible. you just got here, dad. i saw you. what do you mean i just got here? uh... why are you saying that? i saw you. you jumped in there, you swam to here. then what stroke was he doing, dad? he was doing the shut-up. [giggles] hey. good thing is, daddy was here to see you finish. he didn't see me finish. he was hanging out with ping woo for some reason. yeah, what was that about, huh? the kid was drowning. i'm gonna let him drown? [whistle blows] nobody goes drowning in my pool. how you doing? bill herlihy. ben's swim coach. you must be dad. michael speedo. michael newman. sorry. big ben, that was great progress out there, huh? just remember, right arm out, head turns left. left arm out... head turns right. i know. i just forgot at the end. well, that's all right. you master that, with your power, people are gonna think you're half-dolphin. really? yeah. [chuckles] oh, you. all: aw! [cell phone rings] yellow. mr. ammer.

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and get 50% off when you buy any new lg phone. xfinity mobile. click, call or visit a store today. i did it!! ♪ that's it. we did it.

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you did. you can do it. the path to 'i did it' starts at autozone. get in the zone. i can'twhat? ve it. that our new house is haunted by casper the friendly ghost? hey jill! hey kurt! movies? i'll get snacks! no, i can't believe how easy it was to save hundreds of dollars on our car insurance with geico. i got snacks! ohhh, i got popcorn, i got caramel corn, i got kettle corn. am i chewing too loud? believe it! geico could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance.

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so, you bought those "good enough" paper towels? [daughter laughs] not such a bargain. there's only one quicker picker upper. bounty, the quicker picker upper. [crowd aah-ing] [crowd cheering and applauding] trudy: ben, honey, slow down. it's not a race. that's his second one in five minutes. keeps eating more and more. he's like a machine. he can't still be hungry. he's not. he's just doing what michael's doing. it's driving me crazy. everything michael's been doing lately is very unhealthy for him. he's gonna kill himself. um, like a signature building, we're talking about. [firecracker pops] boy: oh, my god. heh. scared the crap out of me. dad, how much longer are you gonna live?

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one minute. one minute? [crying] daddy's gonna die in one minute. oh, no, honey. don't worry. i'm not dying. i'm gonna live for 200 years. is that long enough for you and me? [tearfully] promise? i promise. swear. come here. [firecracker explodes] you son of a bitch! hey! there are families here! go home and watch vh1, old man. [all shouting] don't light another damn one! [teens ooh-ing] huh? ted: benjamin. benjamin. what am i holding? a quarter. a quarter. grandma does not let me eat ice cream because of my diabetes. true. but she says nothing, however, about a tasty quarter. okay. [muffled] all right. all right. very quickly, please, count to three, because it tastes terrible. all: one, two, three. [gasps] are you kidding me? how do you do that, grandpa?

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a good magician never reveals his secrets. your daddy has wanted to know how i've done that trick since he was your age. isn't that true, son? hey, michael. michael, who you talking to? jesus. i'm talking to my boss, ma. take it easy. oh, yeah? well, tell him to get a life. you got family here. you're busy. come on. my mother says hello. oh, he's such a big boy, isn't he? on his big cell phone. big boy. [all laughing] michael: i'll call you. that's it. get some sleep. thank you, mr. ammer. all right. good night. are you done? can we relax now? sorry. [firecrackers explode] teens [in unison]: eat me, grandpa! all right, you're dead. teens [in unison]: oh, snap! yeah, you better run! ugh! i kicked your father's ass in high school! and now i'm gonna kick yours! [sobbing] i hate that man. okay, good night, you two cowboys. reach for the sky, pocahontas. no, back to bed. come on. pocahontas is off-duty. i'm out of here. [michael coughing]

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you getting sick, sheriff? [coughs] i don't got time to be sick, so no. i need to watch this documentary on asian architecture. well, you gotta get some rest sometime, sweetheart. besides, all the woodland creatures will laugh at you if you collapse trying to put up the tent this weekend. yeah. i forgot to tell you. tsk. we gotta postpone the camping trip. ammer put me on a project. it's due tuesday. if i don't finish the designs, i'm off it, so... the kids have been talking about camping with you all year. you think i don't know that? it's just every choice i make, everything i do, i disappoint somebody. so maybe make sure you don't keep disappointing the wrong people. i'm not out drinkin' or gamblin' or hittin' on chicks. i'm working my ass off, so my family can have a better life than i ever dreamed of having when i was a kid. the only way for that to happen is for me to watch this stinking show! so relax, hon. [yells] are you kidding me?

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will you give me a break one time? damn it! the o'doyles got a stinking universal remote control. we're gonna have one too. i am sick of this. [door slams] you want me to open the garage for you? michael: yes! [sighs] [♪] ♪ for all of the times i tried to make you see ♪ [muffled] closed. ♪ well, i'm sorry closed. open. bed bath & beyond it is. [easy-listening music playing] hey, man? you guys got any universal remote controls in there? for a shower curtain or a bathmat? for a television. hmm. i don't think so. maybe for a blanket? you got a remote for a blanket?

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i'm sorry, dude, i don't work here. i'm just waiting for my friends. you're kidding me. uh, actually, yes. i don't have any friends. will you be my friend? [grunts] whoa. [exhales sharply] wow, man! bed. bed. bath. bath. bed. [grunts] so tired of my life. [♪] "beyond"? [♪] man: ♪ you're lovely ♪ everything is okay ♪ be the angel ♪ of my prayers ♪ be the devil [machine humming]

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♪ who cares ♪ be anything ♪ but darling ♪ be mine sorry to sneak up on you. i just... you guys got a universal remote control back here? something stinks like stale french fries. [chuckles] all right, that's, uh, probably me. you know, fast food shortens your life. yeah, that's what i heard. the way my life's been going lately, that ain't such a bad thing. you're looking for a universal remote control? yeah. just one device to do it all for me. make my life a little easier, quicker, not so damn complicated. i'm not supposed to do this, but you seem like a good guy. hey. somebody noticed. thank you. i'm gonna show you a remote we just got in that's probably the most advanced piece of technology we have in this place. sounds sweet. it is sweet. [whispers] the latest, greatest universal remote

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not even on the market yet. ooh. i guess the o'doyles' remote can bite my advanced-technological ass then. i don't know the o'doyles, but they can bite it hard. hey, yeah. come in the back with me. okay. this is...this is very nice of you. what's your name, anyways? call me morty. morty, i'm michael newman. michael newman. i'm about to rock your world. okay. [♪] michael: i gotta be honest with you. this place looks bigger from the outside. morty: yeah? just kidding. morty: oh. hey, hey.

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i think maybe there, in the middle? huh. sneaky. yeah. ah. where's the box? does it come with directions? not necessary. just point, click. eventually, it will program itself. how much is this thing? 'cause, uh, i ain't exactly thurston howell, you know? lucky for you, it's not in the bar code system yet. so... i'm gonna have to just give it to you. whoa, whoa, whoa. what's the catch here, man?

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you want me to take my shirt off for you or something? i don't play for that team. hey. man, get out of here. why are you doing this, then? 'cause good guys need a break every once in a while. yeah? take it. enjoy. all right. only one thing you need to know. mm-hmm. this item is non-returnable. michael: why would i wanna return something i get for free? ♪ [michael coughing] ♪

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but dad, you've got allstate. with accident forgiveness they guarantee your rates won't go up just because of an accident. smart kid. indeed. are you in good hands? the holidays are here. welc(audience cheering)ight. i love your material. so warm and cozy. and festive. - what material are you talking about? - and we're out of time! go mad for plaid with up to fifty percent off storewide. that's up to fifty percent off. at old navy.

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[explosiahhh!gunfire] what? unlock 2xp with mountain dew and call of duty® modern warfare. (worried) i'm not picking it up. you pick it up! i'm not picking it up! i'll pick it up! they're clean! (raps) 'cuz my hiney's clean. oh yeah i'm charmin clean. charmin ultra strong just cleans better. enjoy the go with charmin.

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alice loves the smell of gain so much, she wished it came in a fabric softener too. [throat clears] say hello to your fairy godmother, alice. oh and look they got gain scent beads and dryer sheets too! ♪ ♪

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♪

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[michael coughing] mmm. mmm, mmm, mmm. [groans] twinkie. you don't need it. you don't need it, man. you do need a yodel, though. okay. good job. let's see what you got, mate. [music playing] man [on tv]: welcome to architecture... wow. look at me, turning my own tv on. i'm a freaking wiz kid. man: part one: residential architecture... so i talked to the kids. oh, yeah? they're being very understanding about not going camping this weekend. oh. great. told them they could have a sleepover instead. that's a great idea. thank you. thank you. thanks for being so cool about this too.

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yeah, can i ask you something? yes. um, after you do all this work, become a big player at your company... mm-hmm. ...do you think you're gonna have more time for us, or are things gonna get even more out of control? wait. whoa. when i get to that place and become a boss, a millionaire, a big shot, the first thing i'm gonna do is hire a bunch of idiots just like me to do all my work. so then you, me and the kids can do whatever the hell we want. you just gotta give me some time. don't give me that look. i'm just saying, give me some support. all right? i love you. go to sleep. [clicks] just think about it, michael. [yawning] absolutely. and stop with the yodels. you're gonna wake up 400 pounds one day. okay. [michael coughing] [sundance barking] hey, hey, hey. keep it down, dude. everybody's sleeping.

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[whines] [barking continues] you gotta poop again? why don't you do the humpy-pumpy on the duck, okay? [barks] will you just hold it in for five minutes and keep the freaking volume down? [volume decreases, mutes] [♪] [barking noiselessly] [volume increases, then decreases] i guess when you combine mass quantities of cough syrup with yodels, you get acid. [sundance barking] michael: go. [whines] [sundance sniffing]

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hey, you said you gotta go. go already, man. [whines] [yawns] [sniffing] sniffy longdroppings, today. [sneezes, continues sniffing] [fast-forward whir] [farts] [♪] [toy squeaking] [fast panting] [beeps] [whimpers] [♪] uh... holy motherf--! woman: yeah, i mean, you're right. in the short run, plastic surgery is a hassle. but six months later, i'm gonna have a face and a body that's gonna get me to places where i wanna be. [laughs] oh, my mother... uh, typical, you know. she says: [in deep voice] "oh, this procedure is too risky."

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god, if samantha wanted her cheekbones shaved down, i think i'd freak out too. [normally] i know, but i just think, you know, they're too slavic. you should get some work done. then maybe michael will wanna hang out with you too. ugh. morning, michael. you're looking very crappy today. morning, janine. you're looking very slavic. you're just jealous, because donna and i are going to the gym, and all the guys are gonna be hitting on us. ♪ ooh, ooh ♪ ooh, ooh aw. michael knows he's my one and only. forever and ever, babe. [whispers] sorry about last night. and i love you. i love you. i'm so... oh, my god. i want that so bad. a husband that i can kiss and love, and... and give juice to. you've already cheated on three different husbands with their brothers. i think you've given enough juice to everybody.

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[laughing] love juice. you know way too much about me. i should never have done that montel williams show. even montel williams thinks you're crazy, and he's seen a lot of stuff. i was desperate for companionship! all of my husbands... all of them have emotionally abandoned me. they went to work. you had sex with their unemployed brothers. you're a horndog. michael. okay, sweetie. calm it down. no, no! [with mouth full] i have had self-esteem issues since i was a kid. i had a rabbit named pepper. and that rabbit abandoned me too! even the rabbit did! even the rabb... [muted dialogue] [beeps] [screeching] don't look at me! what's wrong with me? bunny rabbit, bunny... [muted dialogue] announcer: here's the pitch to matsui. a deep drive. oh, my, it's out of here! a two-run shot into the right-field seats

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for hideki matsui. i'm sorry. wh-what was that? she has so many problems. why do you have to be so mean? i don't know, i... hello. i gotta go. [door closes] kevin: yeah. good, robodog. and he can bark in over six different languages. it's so cool. yeah, it's much cooler than your stupid human dog. hey, dad. see kevin's new robot dog? yeah, yeah. very nice. "very nice"? [car engine starts] this thing is worth more than your car. not anymore, it ain't. robodog! (burke) at fso we know how to we'vcover almost anything.ng, [chimes] (bert) even an accident brought to you by the number one! (count) i know i left it in here somewhere...ah ha! my monocle. ah, that's one. one lens! ah, ah, ah! [thunder crashing]

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oo! my mower! hm, well thatone chore i can cross off my list! ah, ah, ah! (burke) seen it, covered it. at farmers insurance, we know a thing or two because we've seen a thing or two. (bert) mmm. ♪ we are farmers. bum-pa-dum, bum-bum-bum-bum ♪ verizon up gave us tickets to the super bowl! we were able to meet shawn mendes. verizon got me into the nfl combine. they don't even sell tickets to this thing. (announcer) verizon knows you love live music and sports. we got to be this far away from the stage. (announcer) that's why we give you access to more jaw-dropping experiences, including nfl games and events. i have never had a vip experience before like that. probably the best moment of my life. (announcer) switch now and you'll get access to thousands of tickets on us, and get up to $750 toward our best phones. because the network more people rely on gives you more.

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[chimes] [hums same pitch] [michael chuckles] hey, hey, hey, hey. okay. is this some sort of reality show? are you the host? morty. where are the cameras? got everybody in on it, huh? sundance did very well also. oh! all right, america! have your laugh! i'm an idiot! [laughs] donna, i'm gonna get you! fast-forward. [imitates whirring] [laughs] nobody's laughing at you, michael. you wanted a universal remote control that remote-controls your universe. yeah, but-- michael. just hit "menu." on the remote?

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no, the menu at the red lobster. yes, on the remote. uh-huh. [beeps, whirring] whoa. [♪] where are we? whoa! child 1: go, michael, go! child 2: one mississippi. two mississippi. man 1: what have i got here? man 2: two, three. cough syrup's kicking in again. woman 1: we have a boy! man 3: is it gonna work? woman 2: yeah. what is this? woman 3: all right, i love you, michael. your life menu. my life has a commentary? it's chock-full of goodies. click it. click it. this is last tuesday. james earl jones: michael was eagerly awaiting the arrival of his lunch order. who's that, james earl jones? james earl does a lot of voice-over work. but his anticipation quickly turned to dismay, as he realized alice had brought him a cheeseburger instead of a hamburger, as he requested.

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a cheeseburger? i said a hamburger. she always does this to me. michael considered demanding that alice scrape the cheese off, but decided not to, fearing that alice may spit in or otherwise defile the burger in some manner. a wise decision, for that was exactly what alice was planning to do. [james earl jones laughs] are you kidding me? morty: sneaky. my god. [beeps] what else we got here? "making of"? just click. [beeps] hey, hey. psychedelic. where are we? [groaning, grunting] [laughs] hey, is this a porno or something? trudy: oh, ted! oh, teddy! is that my parents? they're making you. like bunny rabbits. trudy: that's the spot. ted: smack my heinie! oh! change the channel! [slaps] oh. how do you do this? [fluid sloshing] michael: i can't see. what happened? [fluid sloshing]

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what? huh. the floor is so mushy and slippery. feels good on my feet. [chuckles] check it out. you hit the fast-forward button. i believe we're sometime after your conception. man: okay. very good, mrs. newman. [echoing] no! we're in my mother's vagina? man: again. and push. [baby crying] it's a girl. it's a girl! oh. oh, it's a girl. thank you so much. thank you for that. wait a minute. what? i'm sorry. it might be a boy. what do you mean, "might be"? what is that? maybe that's a penis. "maybe that's a penis"? that's a penis. that's my penis. can i see that? can you bring that a little closer? see? that's a tiny schmeckel. yeah? we have a boy! we have a boy! your mother must have some superpower eyesight 'cause i didn't see anything. oh, hardy-har-har. let's get outta here. [beeps] so if you think about it i can re-experience

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any part of my life i want to. it's amazing. what happened? oh, god, what did i do? hello? how do i get you back here, pal? [screams] [screams] gotcha. ha, ha! i'm not freaked out enough? it's simple. think of a time and a place, hit rewind, and you're there. um... hmm. time and a place. time and a place. [♪] oh, my god. lake winnipesaukee. that's me in the jets shirt. go, little me, go! [cheering, shouting] [laughs] oh-ho-ho! yeah! good hands! nice hands. thank you. trudy: michael! michael, dinner's almost ready. invite your friends if you want to. so any of you wanna come by my tent for some supper? or we could eat at my family's winnebago and watch three's company. all: yeah! [all cheer]

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all [chanting]: three's company. that's humiliating. kids: three's company. mom, why can't we camp in an rv like every other family? oh, come on. you call that camping? how can you get close to nature in a tin can like that? plus, it's more fun to have to keep each other warm at night. mmm. don't you know it. [kissing] ♪ some sweet-talking girl comes along ♪ ♪ singing a song [growls] [chuckles] ♪ don't mess around ah-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. no cupcakes yet. but i'm starving. i agree with you, michael. you know how hungry i am? i am so hungry, i could eat this. oh. this is where the quarter trick started. [clinks] [chuckles] [clinks] how the heck did he do that? oh. it's a trick coin you buy at a magic shop. i just couldn't let him know i knew that. that's sweet. now, i gotta get back to work, so hit play.

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[beeps] [groans] it's a very powerful device. use it with caution. okay. who are you? you know who i am. morty? if you have any questions, call me. [♪] no, linda. i think stacy gets the most-beautiful-feet award. [knock on door] you wanted to see me? michael. look, i'm heading out to the hamptons in a couple of minutes, and i'm counting on you. this hotel project? it's a big fish. you reel it in for me, and it's, uh, tsk, "howdy, partner." ooh. ooh. okay. thank you. screw it up, though, and it's "back to the mailroom, atrium boy." [all laugh]

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huh. huh. woman [on comm]: mr. ammer, denise called. she's gotta go to rehab again, so she can't make it to the hamptons. i'm gonna be alone on the fourth of july? mr. ammer, if you need female companionship this weekend, my wife's friend, janine, wow. really? what's she like? let's just say, uh, she will eat you up, sir. [purrs] excuse me. i'm sorry to interrupt but, um, this is kind of important. okay. go to the bathroom. okay. hendless shrimp even hotter?s [car radio playi you bring back nashville hot! oh yeah - it's back. crispy shrimp... ...tossed in a spicy rub... ...and drizzled with sweet amber honey. more shrimp more ways. endless shrimp's just fifteen ninety nine. hurry in. but she wanted someone who loves with the cats.ng. so, we got griswalda. dinner's almost ready.

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but one thing we could both agree on was getting geico to help with our renters insurance. yeah, switching and saving was really easy! drink it all up. good! could have used a little salt. visit geico.com and see how easy saving on renters insurance can be. ♪ahahahahaha. hahaha. discover the rainbow! taste the rainbow! you can enter for a chance to win a taco bell xbox one x with an elite series 2 controller how do you know all this? i won last week. sfx: video game music sfx: bong pack that fourth bathing suit for your three-day getaway. stay an extra day or two. heck, make it a week.

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with low fares and no hidden fees, follow your heart each time you board ours. [sfx: clap, clap, ding] but allstate actually helps you drive safely... with drivewise. it lets you know when you go too fast... ...and brake too hard. with feedback to help you drive safer. giving you the power to actually lower your cost. unfortunately, it can't do anything about that. now that you know the truth... are you in good hands?

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(kickstart my heart by motley crue)) (truck honks) (wheels screeching) (clapping) (sound of can hitting bag and bowl) (clapping) always there in crunch time. ♪ love isn't always on time ♪ oh, oh, oh [car radio turns off] dude! you suck so bad. do not. hey, dad. how you doin', buddy? playing some catch? actually, we're playing some drop, because ben hasn't caught one yet. darn it. ah.

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[beeps] [whistling] [beeps] [screams] [laughs] [groans] you're a regular derek jeter yourself, o'doyle. love you, kid. [laughs] love you too, dad. mommy! donna: no, i know. i thought she should've gotten voted off. but did you see her kate spade handbag? it was gorgeous. wait. hold on a second, trudy. i gotta say hi to your son. i told your parents they should come for dinner. really? that sounds good. i thought it'd be fun for them to be here for the sleepover. [imitates gunshot] okay, so great. yeah. we'll see you guys later. okay. bye-bye. it's not gonna kill you to eat dinner with your family. i know. i just gotta build an entire model tonight. [kids screaming] i'm the leader! no, i'm the leader! i'm the leader! [screaming] donna: go say hi to daddy. go on. hi, daddy. [screaming]

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i can't take a whole night of this. and i'm not going to. girls: ♪ q, r, s ♪ t, u... [♪] cool. i can skip chapters. [beeps] ah, what a family. all right. let's get dinner over with. next. next. everyone's done but you, buddy. let's go. will you stop already? oh, boy, dad's quarter trick. i can't wait not to see it. [music playing on radio] alone in my basement at last. should i do my work and become partner now? i think so. ♪ friends say it's fine let's get to it. ♪ friends say it's good ted: michael? yo. we don't wanna interrupt.

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we're taking off. thanks for a great night. you had a fun time hanging out with me? that was a... we did good, right? good night, honey. love ya. my schmeckegot bigger now that i'm older. just so you guys know that. it couldn't have gotten any smaller. [both laugh] yeah, yeah. it looked like a little tic tac. yeah. yeah. come here, i'll freshen your breath. [chuckles] donna: bye, you guys. ted: bye, sweetie. trudy: good night, sweetie. great dinner, honey. see? was that so bad? you kidding me? i had fun. good for you. can you watch the gang for 10 minutes while i clean up? [clears throat] can't you? i just-- i got so much stuff to do. oh, you got stuff to do? i got ghost stories, charades, the dishes. and then i gotta sew the duck's head back on for sundance, and fix his butthole. way to go, champ. i wish i had time to do all that stuff. oh, gimme a break, michael.

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you're a big boy. you set your own priorities. i'm asking for 10 minutes. i'm not asking for the whole day. you don't have to do much. how big a deal is that? i am so tired of this argument. [fast-forward whir] [whispering] i skipped the whole fight. yeah! babe? [whispers] yeah? i can't sleep. you can't? i feel bad that we keep arguing. i know. don't be upset, okay? i was a jerk. mm-hmm. you are a jerk. [chuckles] i love you. i love you too. mm-hmm. yes. that smells good. what? mmm. hey. [whispers] michael. stop it! the sleepover will catch us. they ain't gonna hear us. come on. okay. quietly try and coax me into it. i gotta get back to work. can't we just do it? no, we can't just do it. honey. come on. i mean, i don't have any new moves for you.

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it's the same stuff. just think of last time and use that. i like the old moves. come on. all right. this time you can be sundance, and i'll be the duck. yeah? but you gotta massage me first. great. i love giving massages. mmm. massaging away here. donna: mmm, yeah, that feels good. ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [♪] [breathing heavily] we did it? well, you did. i didn't want the whole thing to go that fast. i don't think anybody did. yeah. i'll... i'll get you next time. thanks. so we good for tomorrow?

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what are you talking about? at dinner. you said we could go to lunch tomorrow and pick out your dad's birthday gift. dad's gift is... of course. i...i said so, so i'll be there. okay. need another massage or anything? oh, go away. okay. yeah. i gotta go work. [whispering] hey, morty. it's michael newman. yeah, can i talk to you for a minute? [knock at door] hang on for a second. someone's at my door. [loudly] hello, michael. shh! where'd you come from? [scoffs] you don't wanna know. do... can we take a walk? sure.

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morty: introducing wendy's 2 for 5. ♪ yeah the only 2 for 5 with wendy's fresh, never frozen beef and the spicy chicken you crave. choose from the dave's single, spicy chicken sandwich, 10 piece crispy, or spicy nuggets. pick any two for 5 bucks! only at wendy's. ♪ not one, but two i think the house is changing him... -[ gasps ] -up and at 'em! ...into his father. [ eerie music plays ] is it scary? -[ gasps ] -it's in eco mode. so don't touch it. mm-hmm. i can't stop this from swinging. must be a draft in here. but he did save a bunch of money bundling our home and auto with progressive. progressive can't protect you from becoming your parents, but we can protect your home and auto when you bundle with us. -hello? -sorry, honey. [ telephone beeps ] butt dial.

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-hello? -sorry, honey. darrell's family uses gain flings now so their laundry smells more amazing than ever. [woman] isn't that the dog's towel? hey, me towel su towel. more gain scent plus oxi boost and febreze in every gain fling.

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morty: it's simple. michael: uh-huh? morty: you must have been on autopilot. michael: autopilot. that's what happens to you when you fast-forward. okay. yeah. i'll show you. here. yeah, yeah. [rewind whir] ben: ...with dad. see? that's you on autopilot. mm-hmm. the lights are on but nobody's home. mmm. morty: the remote lets your mind skip around, but your body actually stays put for all the boring stuff. [whispers] we should go to lunch and pick out your dad's birthday gift. [flatly] sounds good. so she did tell me. i'm-- i'm having conversations on autopilot, then. you're not gonna be the life of the party, but yes. everyone goes on autopilot now and then. the big difference is now you've got a nifty remote to help you decide when. no, this-this thing is the best. by the way... mmm-hmm? your wife? yeah? absolutely gorgeous. michael: she is, isn't she? perfect face. tight, rocking body.

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[exhales breathily] you okay? [inhales sharply] oof. amazing. what is? [chuckles] she fell for a schlub like you. i'm a schlub? mmm. i don't know about that, pal. i see a good-looking man right there. you wanna see what a stud i used to be? sure. yeah? all right. let's take a look at some of the girls i used to fool around with before i met donna. [beeps] [♪] ooh. is that a man or a woman? it's a woman. [♪] ♪ love hurts... what is this, animal planet? stop. yes. ugh. sometimes it's better to keep certain memories just in your head. so i've learned, morty. good night. thank you.

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good night, michael. [coughing] [blows nose] [owl hoots] i'm getting sick, man. fast-forward me till i'm better. donna: michael, honey, wake up. you'll be late for work. [groans] what? it's monday already? huh? [sniffs] [grunting] are you kidding me? no more phlegm? i skipped an entire cold? thanks to you, baby! i love you! no more tylenol! i don't remember doing any work this weekend. but apparently i did. bad news, sweetie. there's no hot water. what? i gotta take a shower. well, you're gonna freeze your bun-buns off. it's all good. [♪]

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yes! look at me. all showered and dressed and looking sexy. i like that. i... did you smoke crack, daddy? just watch your toons and have a great day with your mommy, okay? [kisses] [laughs] eating cupcakes like your old man. right here, baby. dad? yes, sir? are you gonna have to work late again tonight? ugh. unfortunately, yes. is there anything we can do to help? well, i'm gonna be partner soon, and i'm gonna need a lot of building designs. if you guys have any cool ideas, why don't you draw them up for me? both: okay. rock 'n' roll. i get the paper. i got the crayons. man: hey. you know, i-i tried. you never know who'll come by. [man speaking indistinctly] would you stop talking and fix the sewer? [singing with radio] ♪ everyone's watching ♪ to see what you will do

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♪ everyone's looking at you [beeps] [muted singing] you're on it now. yeah. yeah. [horns honking] traffic, traffic. no more traffic. [tires screech] [fast-forward voice] oh! wait a sec! here we go! oh, mama! [laughing, normally] yeah! that's what i'm talking about, baby! [whooping] whoo. you look a little pale there, pal. let me fix that. [beeping] [imitating pirate] oh, look at you now. you're all yellow from the scurvy. [growls] captain. [remote beeping] oh. don't get the hulk angry. you won't like him when he's angry. [grunting]

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[yelling] [laughing] oh. oh. oh, there's barney. ♪ i love you, you love me ♪ that jogger had giant boobies ♪ [laughs] okay. let's get you that tan you been searching for. that's it. that's it. check out julio iglesias. mwah. pretty. [people chattering indistinctly] looking good, mr. newman. really? thank you very much, judy. finish? did i finish? um, i believe i finished. uh, let's see here. look at that. very impressive, michael. yeah. the river in the lobby. mmm. this is actually pretty good, man. where'd you find the time to get a tan? uh... i guess i can do it all, sir. you can do it all. all right, all right, everybody. it's sexual-harassment speech day. now, anyone can be a victim of sexual harassment:

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blue collar, white collar, a woman, a man. even the office slut. no... not that i'm mentioning any names... stacy. [audience chuckling] [giggles] yeah. ammer: here we go. sexual harassment can come in many forms. you see, what is [in deep voice] hilarious to some, could be offensive to others. let me try to give you a real-life example, because i'm sure i've done it. [laughs] like the day i said: [in high voice] "want a promotion, break out the lotion." i was technically engaged in sexual harassment. hilarious sexual harassment, if you ask me. [laughs] [in normal voice] now, there is also homosexual harassment. now, this is like when one dude comes up to another and says something cheeky. oh, this will be good. what you do... [in spanish] ...in your own dormitories or in a public restroom,

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i do not care! [laughing] [in spanish] hey, listen. is there a problem, michael? no, keep going. you are really a fabulous teacher. oh! what am i doing now? what? oh, nothing... i... [beeps] [in english] proceed. [jazz musi ahoyy! (excited squeal, giggling, panting) gotcha! ah!

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nooooo... noooooo... nooooo... quick, the quicker picker upper! bounty picks up messes quicker and is 2x more absorbent than the leading ordinary brand. ahoy! (laughing) bounty, the quicker picker upper.

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my lady! those darn seatbelts got me all crumpled up. that's ok! hey, guys!

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hi mrs. patterson... wrinkles send the wrong message. sorry. help prevent them before they start with new downy wrinkleguard. that's better. so you won't get caught with wrinkles again. ♪ not much, how about you? >>are you answering my text in person? i am...yeah. >>lol. come on in. this is tech that helps you be there. the nissan altima. now offering the most tech-advanced engine in its class. now offering the most tech-advanced [people chattering indistinctly] i don't know about you americans,

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but to me, there is no doubt... ichiro is the greatest of all time. [all murmuring] he's incredible. you gotta admit, you can always count on matsui. all: oh, matsui. well, if you guys love ichiro and matsui so much, let's order 'em both. i'll eat anything. [laughs] excuse us for a moment. ammer: absolutely, mr. watsuhita. see you guys in a bit. ichiro and matsui are baseball players. you just insulted their national heroes. i'm going to the bathroom to slit my wrists. i'll be here. [murmuring in japanese] [beeping] [volume increases, speaking in japanese] [in english] these morons are so boring, they make me wanna take a sword and chop my own arms off. and that hotel design? like to rip it up. that egghead watched a bad documentary

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on asian architecture. who needs a stupid river in the lobby? let's build more rooms and maximize profits. eat as fast as you can. then we can get out of here and do jell-o shots at america's greatest cultural achievement: t.g.i. friday's. all: t.g.i. friday's! [beeps] [jazz music continues] all right, michael. save us. i'm all over it, babe. before we order, i was looking at our proposal. you know what? after getting to know you a bit, i realize this is not what you're all about. let's just throw it out, all right? start from scratch. the river in the lobby idea, what an egghead move. let's just keep all the plans simple, forget all the niceties, and maximize our revenue. that's what it's about anyways, the profits. but do me a favor. just give us your account and your trust. that way we can get the hell out of this dump, go to a t.g.i. friday's, and do some jell-o shots till this guy pukes up a lung. i'm in. [all laughing] [applauding] that's what i'm talking about.

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[both grunt] uh... [♪] yes. yes. yes! the king is home. hello, hello! ♪ well, baby what i couldn't do... ♪ how can you goons sleep when you know i got you presents? you did? what is it? what is it? well, if you bring your tushies downstairs, we'll find out. [michal cheers, claps] i'm coming. i'm coming. honey, get your sweet little buns downstairs too. come on, come on! [bell ringing] come and get 'em. [both screaming] awesome! no way! yeah! yeah. it must have cost a million dollars. ah, that's chump change now. you guys deserve the best. that's what you're gonna get from now on, okay? what's all this? look who's here. hey, you guys wanna ride these bikes? both: yeah! let's take them outside! wake the o'doyles, let them see what you've got. [bike bells ringing]

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samantha: whoo! these are the coolest bikes in the whole town. ben: kevin o'doyle's gonna poop himself. don't think i forgot my beautiful wife. huh? oh, my gosh. it's not a bike or a cowboy hat, but you're gonna like this. i hope. oh, michael, it's beautiful. yeah, yeah. i heard you talking to my mother. i love it. you look good, baby. i got myself a celebratory cigar too. why not? what are we celebrating? "what are we celebrating?" we're healthy. we got a great family... i'm ammer's newest partner... oh, my god, you're kidding! honey, congratulations! [laughing] i knew it! i knew you'd be psyched! i love it! i love you! i single-handedly landed the watsuhita account. oh, that's incredible. i knew it was gonna be a great day. i heard our song on the radio this morning. we have a song? honey... the song that was playing during our first kiss. oh! come on. you're kidding me, right? um...

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i know our song. our song. of course i know our song. our song is... [beeps] what the hell was that song? ah. i remember this place. and, uh... oh, my god. wolverine's goofy cousin. ["linger" by the cranberries playing] but look at you. wow. you are out of his league, aren't you? oh, yeah, the notes. smooth, buddy. ♪ if you oh. ♪ don't let it burn oh, look at her. ♪ don't let it fade what's gonna happen? you got an answer to that? ♪ it's tearing me apart hey. okay. seal the deal, pal. yeah. ♪ i swore i would be true ♪ and honey, so did you all she's thinking about is, "i am not kissing that beard.

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absolutely not. that's gonna hurt me." wait a minute. ♪ were you lying all the time? ♪ oh. yeah, newman. get it. ♪ but i'm in so deep yeah. [singing along] ♪ you know i'm such a fool for you ♪ janine: donna! donna. oh, my god. i'm so horny now. oh, god, i'm not. get me out of here. "linger" by the cranberries was playing during our first juicy kiss. and, my god, you looked beautiful in that pink sweater you were wearing. you remember what i was wearing? of course. i remember what janine was wearing. she scared the crap out of me then. huh? mmm. [♪] i love you. mmm, i love you too, honey. yeah. [♪] ♪ i'm gonna live

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♪ till i die hi, mr. newman. right this way, michael. hey. my new star. [chuckles] congratulations. sit down, big guy. all right. we... i am a little tired. we... the family was up late last night, celebrating. you really knocked one out of the park last night, didn't you? hey, you were great too. all you gotta do now is draw up the construction plans. if watsuhita commits to the major bulk of the funds, i'm looking at my new partner. ♪ before my number's up... i thought i was already your partner. whoa, cowboy. i said, "land the watsuhita account, you'll get promoted." i didn't mean right this second. but i already told my wife, sir. i spent money i don't have. to do these documents is gonna take me months. then you better get started. [remote beeps] [beeps]

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wow, i just got a big headache! wha...? was i hit by a train or something? i didn't see anything. oh, i forgot to tell you. i hung out with your friend janine this weekend. [remote beeps] i hope she's doing your brother right now, you big-headed buffoon. [grunting] [farting] oh! no, no, no, no. you got more. [farting] yeah. [beeps] anyway, the sooner you ge-- get back to... uh, work, the sooner you'll be partnerized. i taste caca. you do? stacy! i'm gonna get going now, sir. ugh. stacy!

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[tires screech] frustrated that clean clothes you want to wear always seem to need an iron? next time try bounce wrinkle guard dryer sheets. just toss it in the dryer to bounce out wrinkles. we dried these shorts with bounce wrinkle guard, and a pair without. the bounce wrinkle guard shorts have fewer wrinkles and static, and more softness. it's the world's first mega sheet that does the job of three dryer sheets. it also comes in unscented. if you don't love bounce wrinkle guard, we'll give you your money back. ♪ mom? it's dad. you gave them your bathtub. don't give them your cookies. pepperidge farm milano. save something for yourself. seeing what people left behind in the attic. well, saving on homeowners insurance with geico's help was pretty fun too. ahhhh, it's a tiny dancer.

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they left a ton of stuff up here. welp, enjoy your house. nope. no thank you. geico could help you save on homeowners and renters insurance.

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i'm running out of gift ideas. geico could help you save on homeowners me too. you know, we have gifts for anyone. might surprise you. great tech you expect like the lg oled tv and unexpected tech like the dyson supersonic hairdryer. from great tv's to great hair. there's more to best buy than you think. excuse me. ♪

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[thunder crashes] have you considered the consequences of the thing you're thinking about doing?

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yeah. what are you saying, i shouldn't? it's your life. what you do with the remote is your decision, michael. i know. so i mean, we're talking a couple of months here. i fast-forward through it, what am i gonna miss? uh, 30 arguments and a haircut? remember the leprechaun? huh? the one from the cereal ad. [in high-pitched voice] "they're magically delicious." [normally] that guy? right. he's always chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but when he gets there at the end of the day... it's just corn flakes. huh? michael. yes. uh, you don't understand the metaphor? i won't do it. all right. [thunder rumbling] [wind chimes tinkling] [♪]

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dad? yeah. we have some designs for you. oh, it's not a good time, man. maybe they'll help you finish quicker. all right. you want me to look at it? let me see. uh, ceiling's too high, the hallway's too narrow. stairway placement makes no sense at all. what the hell's this room made of? pizza. well, it's stupid. next. what is yours made of? [crying] pickles. oh, don't be a baby. michael, have you lost your mind? he's seven years old. if he wants a playroom made of pizza, then why not? maybe he's gotta grow up sometime and get the hell off fantasy island. hey, pizza boy. life ain't about being creative. it's about kissing ass, playing it safe. making your boss a lot of money in hopes he might throw you a stinking bone. all right? [tearfully] yes, sir. ammer didn't make you partner, did he? [door opens] [door closes] oh, honey, i'm so sorry.

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[sighs] but we'll get through this, okay? i promise. jeez, man, that's all we ever do, is get through it. when is it gonna end? [door opens, then slams] [crickets chirping] pretty sweet, eh? two queen beds, full kitchen, steam shower, and satellite tv with surround sound. why are you always trying to hurt me? one day, i'm gonna hurt you back. michael newman. i didn't know you smoked cigars. and now's the time. no, kathy. this isn't mine. i took it out of kevin's hands. yeah, he was smoking like a chimney. no, i wasn't! i think i smell marijuana in it. kevin o'doyle, you get your ass in this house right now! [sobs] i hate you. kathy: are you deaf? move it! i swear... kathy: i don't wanna have to ask you again!

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dope is for dopes, buddy! get your ass in this house! [screaming] donna: we don't have any other choice, guys. ben: no fair! i don't wanna return my bike! donna: we have to, honey. samantha: but daddy gave them to us! donna: because he loves you. but there was a mix-up at daddy's work, and we just need to bring the bikes back for now. ben: but i already told kevin o'doyle i got a new bike. donna: well, we can paint my old bike and make it look new. ben: that's a girl's bike. all the kids will make fun of me. [crying] no! [beeping] i can't take this anymore. fast-forward me to my promotion. [♪] so here's to michael newman. the greatest partner i could ever dream of. all: hear, hear! thank you. thank you, guys. my family thanks you. i'm gonna do the best i can,

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and i won't let you down. i-i promise. [all cheer] [glasses clinking] congratulations, mr. newman. congratulations. this is great. thank you. how's it feel, killer? feels incredible, sir. you earned it. i'm telling you. not just 'cause of that watsuhita project, but for helping me pick up the slack, now that i'm spending time with my special lady. hey, dinkie. [both giggling] are you kidding me? you guys have been dating a couple months now? that's pretty huge for this one. [both laugh] oh. no, the first few months were easy. mm. it was the one-year hump that was the tough part. her inappropriate weekend with my brother in cabo... well, that was a potential speed bump. but...well, dr. bergman helped us work through it, didn't he? mm-hmm. how's he doing for you and donna? dr. bergman. what do you mean? oh. you know what, sweetie? it's none of our business. let's let michael bask in his glory. cheers. bask away, partner. [both chuckle] took that bastard a year to promote me?

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what else did i miss? [sighs] you need something, mr. newman? who are you? kirsten. your assistant? [stammering] what happened to alice? she moved to accounting. couldn't handle your hours. [whispers] and she prefers to be called alan now. remember? [men laughing] no. no! no! and who the hell's dr. bergman? donna: and i feel like michael's making no effort to connect with me at all. no, no. i want to. i want to. it's... i'm on autopilot. [mockingly] "i'm on autopilot." [normally] more like auto-zombie. good one, donna. "good one, donna"? michael, relax. who is this big mouth? why can't you and i just talk? because there is no talking to you. you're never home to talk to. when you are, you're just sitting, staring into space. i'm on autopilot. what do you want? this is what happens. [beeping] god, he's gonna answer his phone. what the heck happened?

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i didn't even touch the remote. great, you gonna start watching tv at dinner? oh, can we? samantha. my little angel. mwah, look at you. look how long your hair's getting. when did you grow up? what, ben? get over here. don't you worry. i'm not gonna work tonight. we're gonna watch dragon tales together. what do you say? dragon tales is for babies, dad. i wanna watch csi. yeacsi. what? samantha: it's the episode when they find the lady's arm. what happened? i missed the whole dragon tales era? [shouts] [growling] whoa, hey! hello! [growling] hey! what are you doing? come here! give me my twinkie! get back here, you freaking gremlin! don't yell at peanut just 'cause he found your twinkie stash. who's peanut? where's sundance? shh. [whispers] don't mention sundance. the kids just stopped crying. about what? why? what happened? he died? oh. [crying] oh, no. no, no.

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oh, no. that stupid idiot. and soft fur. daddy held it in so long. he was the best dog! he's finally letting himself feel it. one night when the duck's head was off... [sobs] he tried to hump my leg, and i didn't let him. and i should've! and i'm sorry. [sobbing] what an idiot. it's okay. it's okay. what the heck did i do? i love you. do you still love me? [♪] oh, michael. it's been... i'm really confused. no, no, no. no. i'll change, okay? i'll be a better man, i promise. don't go, don't go. i'll stop working so much, okay? i'll be with you. just stay with me. oh, my god. it didn't take the duck long to get over sundance. [growling] it's a little deviant,

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but it's kind of turning me on. yeah? well, let's kiss and make up. [♪] [remote beeping] [whimpers] no. no! it's not my fault. it jumped on its own. i-i didn't even hit the button. ugh. not even close. yes? i have one kid in each branch of the military, but i'm command central. i'm a father of four. my wife's currently deployed in iraq. i talk to my wife at least once a day, even though she's on the other side of the world. (announcer) they get a special rate on unlimited plans

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you must jlove it. your job. hey elf! -love it. love it. what are you looking at? - might be a falcon. [ bird squawk ] uh! i think it just pooed in your eye. yeah i think so. i thought we could go for a walk together. to be honest you're not really my type. are elves always so cynical? ow. these are dark times. you know you can just step aside. where's the fun in that? i like this man. what is he doing with you? being human is hard. just be you. [ screaming ] i did that just in case you thought i was too perfect.

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yes? [screams] hey! [groans] [peanut barking] you scared... donna: honey, what's going on down there? it's all right! i, uh... there was a mouse! i killed it! it's dead! but it broke the table first! how did you get in here? i had a feeling you wanted to see me. i'm freaking out. this thing-- this thing, it's broken. it's just-- it's fast-forwarding on its own now. it's not a malfunction, it's a feature. it's using its memory to execute your preferences. it remembers stuff about me? what do you mean? it's an advanced piece of equipment, like tivo. you could call it mevo. i fast-forwarded through sex one time, i don't wanna skip it forever.

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i like sex. i-- it feels good. correct me if i'm wrong, but you fast-forwarded through an entire year. that's a lot of sex. put it all together, that's like 30 minutes' worth for you. oh, no, no. so what, everything i fast-forwarded, it's gonna do it on its own now? pretty much. no more showering, no more traffic. no more arguing. no more sickness. this is bad. this is bad. you take it back. i'm deactivating my service. no. come on. i quit, i quit. thanks for everything, all right, but i-- yeah. [groans] [gasps] you. this is not... aw. don't be mean. [laughing] nice hat. no, no, no. no, no. no, no, no. [laughs] get away from me. just get away. get away and leave me. leave me alone.

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whoa. is this a stickup? or are you just happy? [whines] yeah? i'm gonna take my clothes off, then-- i wouldn't do that if i were you. there's only one place left for it to pop up. oh. no, no. i don't want that. come on, man. i told you, this item is non-returnable. [laughs] come on, just take it. until we meet again. don't do that. come on, morty. how do i get it to stop fast-forwarding? [scoffs] donna: good morning, sweetie. michael: yeah. you wanna shower first? yeah. no! i can't shower, because then i'll fast-forward. if i fast-forward, who knows how long i'll fast-forward. let me-- how's this? i'm gonna rough it today, like in the old west. okay? i wanna tell you what's going on, but... i think it might lead to an argument. we can't argue because, buzz, off i'll go. so just know there is a problem.

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i tried to get rid of the problem, and it almost ended up in my ass. i'll go to work and try to figure this out. you're going in your bathrobe? shh, honey. i told you, we can't argue. no more arguing. you're right. i'm wrong. all the time. want a kiss? i'll take a kiss. you know what? i can't. if i give you a kiss, it might lead to something else, then another three minutes goes by. you're disappointed, i'm laying there like an idiot. i wanna be with you every minute of my life, and that's why i gotta leave now. have a great day! james earl jones: once again, michael left donna in bed, confused and unsatisfied. michael: shut up, james earl jones! james earl jones: no, you shut up, big mouth! [♪] ♪ in many ways ♪ they'll miss the good old days ♪ ♪ someday ♪ someday ♪ yeah, it hurts to say ♪ but i want you to stay ♪ sometimes

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♪ sometimes ♪ oh, my ex says i'm lacking in depth ♪ ♪ say, i will try my best ♪ you say you wanna stay by my side ♪ ♪ tables they turn sometimes ♪ ♪ oh, someday ♪ i ain't wasting no more time ♪ michael! ooh! ooh, ooh, ooh. ♪ mr. ammer is here your first day as a partner, you come to work in a fricking bathrobe? i... i did. i did. i-- john, i just feel we should stop wasting our energy on corporate brownnosing, and worrying who's got the better suit. armani, calvin klein. who cares? let's concentrate on what really matters. the work. that's the craziest thing i've ever heard. but goddamn it, you're right.

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life-changing. i feel freer. yeah. uh, keep the pants on. oh. sexual harassment, eh? ha, ha. yeah. speaking of life-changing, there's something, or actually, someone, i'd like to talk to you about. [sighs] janine. everything okay? janine and i have decided to drop out of the rat race, slow down, and move to morocco. morocco? morocco. okay. eric lamensoff will assume my day-to-day responsibilities, and i'd like you to take his job. but eric lamensoff is the head of the whole international division. i-- i've been your partner one day. so? every account you worked on turned into gold. you know, i wouldn't be surprised if one day you ended up being our ceo. whoa. hey, i would love for that to happen, but... [remote beeping] no! no, no, no! i don't want a promotion!

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no! [machine beeping] computer: michael, you have a phone call. michael [muffled]: michael newman. [middle-eastern music playing] word up, big guy. ten years ago, you told me you wanted to be ceo. great news. eric lamensoff killed himself. [laughs] you better stop with the junk food, mr. chairman, or you'll end up killing yourself too. [laughs] computer: opening virtual blinds. [normally] ten years? how much worse can things get? [groans] [yawns] [grunts] [screaming] oh, my god, i'm a fat guy! look at me.

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[pants] [grunting] oh. what is this? this is titties. i got-- i got juicy titties! what? what is that? oh, god, no. just take me home. >> tech: don't wait for a chip like this to crack your whole windshield. with safelite's exclusive resin, you get a strong repair that you can trust. plus, with most insurance a safelite repair is no cost to you. >> customer: really?! >> singers: safelite repair, safelite replace. wendy's has been showing everyone how to do fast food right for 50 years. and now they're showing everyone how 2 for 5's are done. introducing wendy's 2 for 5. ♪ not one, but two. pick any 2 for 5 bucks. ♪ ♪ choose from the dave's single, spicy chicken sandwich, 10-piece crispy, or spicy nuggets. it's the only 2 for 5 with wendy's fresh, never frozen, beef and that spicy chicken you crave.

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[ballad playin ♪ sometimes things don't click... ♪ man [on radio]: this is 1010 wins news. february 5th, 2017. britney spears had her 23rd baby today. proud father kevin federline says he's now considering getting a job. also, michael jackson, the first man to clone himself, is now suing himself for molesting himself. [air hisses] ♪ that feeling's gotta stay ♪ even when your time gets broken ♪ donna. ♪ that feeling's got to stay

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donna! [panting] [new wave music playing on tv] can i help you? hey, dad. "hey, dad"? ben? that's you? look how big you got. you're enormous. look who's talking, captain twinkie of the s.s. fatass! it's really good for my self-esteem. maybe if you would take me to pilates like you said you would, people wouldn't think i was rosie o'donnell. come on, i love you! bring me back the twinkies! ben: you're so cruel. will you please stop yelling? it is so embarrassing. is that my daughter? mom, i'm going to derek's! that's you? samantha? when did you get boobs? the same time you did, dad. now can i go? whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. who the hell's this derek guy? duh, my boyfriend. the hottest boy in school. hello? he's gonna be hot when i burn his house down. you get your ass upstairs, put some normal clothes on.

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why are you so mean to me? get them on, now! and wipe off all that makeup! right! [door opens, closes] is peanut dead too? and this one's got the duck doing all the work. donna! donna. donna. donna. goddamn it. look how gorgeous you look. ugh! i'm so scared. bill: knock, knock, gang. hey, sweetie. hey. [♪] what's going on? we were gonna get a cup of hot chocolate. you want us to bring you one? you cheating on me? with johnny g-string over here? come on. time-out. i thought we were past that. no, no. we're past this argument. you're right. no big deal? you don't mess with another man's wife! don't mess with another man's wife! donna: stop it! stop it, michael! it was your decision to move out! so stay out! get off me! you sticking up for him? go away! go away! i hate you! no, no. we can't argue!

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we can't argue! i hate you! i hate you! [beeping stops] oh, man! you hate me? [pants] no. no. ten years. you're not finished yet? morty! why did you do this to me? you did this to yourself, michael. oh! no. no, i didn't wanna waste all that time. i didn't wanna lose donna! the remote goes by your behavior. every time you had a conflict between work and home, work won. no, not true. lie to your wife. lie to yourself. but you cannot lie to the remote. the remote is lie-proof, so you can't change what already happened. but you're still a young man. young, fat man. you could win donna back. so that's what i'll do. go for it, tubs. hey. i saw what you did to the duck. very good. nice work. [♪]

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[panting] you'll feel that in a second. all right, please. please just read my note. i hate you! i hate you! [screaming] i hate you! i hate you! my nuts! i hate you! [gasps] [groans] [remote beeping] [fast-forward whir] michael, are you awake? [♪] michael, honey. are you awake? donna. where'd all my fat go? oh. it was just a dream? a terrible, terrible dream. what's that, michael? you had a bad dream? did a fuzzy dog push me over?

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um... oh, shaggy, the miracle dog? yeah, if he hadn't knocked you on your noggin, you wouldn't have had the cat scan that found the cancer before it spread too far. i have cancer? no, you had cancer. you were the only person in the world to gain weight during chemo. that's probably what caused your heart attack. heart attack? i thought they weaned you off the morphine. okay, mr. junk-food, since the head injury, you haven't been healthy a full day. when exactly did i hurt my head? when was it? like, six years ago? six more years. no. no! it skipped all my sickness. i'm gonna go ask them to cut back on painkillers. donna, don't go. what's this? that's not bad for your third liposuction. [groans] one more tummy tuck should take care of it. oh, it looks like a tongue...

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licking. um... look, i should go. bill's waiting for me downstairs. so i'll probab... bill? you're still with speedo torpedo? whatever happened to "forever and ever," honey? "forever and ever"? [skin flopping] look, michael, i'm trying to have a civilized relationship with you, for the kids' sake. i really wanna be friends, but i can't do that if you-- would you stop flapping that thing? it's my flap. i'll do whatever the hell i want with it! you done? look, bill's my husband. please learn to accept that. i really have to go. husband? donna? no. donna. donna. donna!

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(mom vo) it's easy to shrink into welcyour own little world. especially these days. (dad) i think it's here. (mom vo) especially at this age. (big sis) where are we going? (mom vo) it's a big, beautiful world out there. (little sis) whoa... (big sis) wow. see that? (mom vo) sometimes you just need a little help seeing it. (vo) the three-row subaru ascent.

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love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. i can'twhat? ve it. that our new house is haunted by casper the friendly ghost? hey jill! hey kurt! movies? i'll get snacks! no, i can't believe how easy it was to save hundreds of dollars on our car insurance with geico. i got snacks! ohhh, i got popcorn, i got caramel corn, i got kettle corn. am i chewing too loud? believe it! geico could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance.

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so you have ten years experience... i do. but no phd? i do have a masters in early childhood development. you don't mind if i record this, do you? uhh, no! first kid. here's all the numbers, food's in the fridge, oh and lucas likes to pull on jewelry so you might want to lose the nose ring. by their second kid, parents are more likely to choose luvs. it absorbs 20x its weight and the triple leakguards lock away wetness for outstanding leakage protection.

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live, learn, and get luvs. woman [on pa]: welcome to newman architecture. building a better world for all of us. architect of the year, 2018. all your dreams came true, huh, moron? ben: dad. hey, how you feelin'? benjamin. look at that. look what? your face. your skinny face. you're shaving now, huh, kid? uh-huh. your entire ass is gone. uh-huh. what happened? good for you. uh. right, um, my ass. why don't we talk about it in my office? come right in here. my old office. ah. the architect. how did this happen? mom said you were still a little loopy. no, no, no. i'm feeling terrific. the weight. how did you do it? staple treatment like your old man? you wanna have a flap fight? huh? you gotta see this-- no. just working out with bill five times a week.

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same as always. wow! whee. [whistles] that's a looker. blondie. big lips. chesty. wow. is that your girl? no, that's your daughter, samantha. of course it is. and you better always take care of her, and make sure nobody touches her except you. pop... i'm just getting ready for this meeting. oh, whoa, whoa. okay. absolutely. i'll take off for you. i'd like to spend more time together. all of us. take you out for ice cream. how's that? i know your mother won't come, but you, samantha, grandpa, grandma. that'd be nice, huh? [beeps] i knew something was funny with you today. papa, take a seat. let me get you a water, okay?

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what are we sitting for? here you go, pop, drink this. all right. drink some water. there, i had my water. what's going on? grandpa died, dad. [♪] he died a while back now. no, no, no. no, no. don't say that. [crying] where was i? [sobbing] you're crying? what happened? nothing. you know, he just got old. that's life. oh, shit. you're born and you live, and you die. that's... uh, man, i gotta go. hey, hang on. susie, push my next meeting. no, no, do your meeting. it's fine. i'm just dizzy. why are you crying? i'm dizzy from the operation.

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all right. you're gonna make me cry, dad. it's okay. you don't... you don't have to go. [sobbing] you look... you look good. it's all right. goodbye. [remote beeping] come on. come on. it won't take you there. take me where? to the moment he died. you weren't there. of course i wasn't. can you take me to the last time i saw him, please? [beeps] hey, dad. sorry to, uh, bug you. would you mind looking at my, uh... my shopping mall design again? this one is cheaper. but if you check this out

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you'll see it has a... michael: whoa. ...much better natural flow... cheaper one, like i said. now just let me do my e-mail. yeah. yeah, you're right, dad. um... he ain't right. you're a schmuck! look at it! surprise. ben: hey, grandpa. oh, my god. [ben chuckles] ted: when did you get so handsome? so, michael, i had a wonderful idea. your mother's playing canasta with her friends tonight. and i thought, "ooh, what a great opportunity." you, me and ben should go and have a boys' night out. past michael: can't. ted: what do you mean you can't? you have to eat sometime. we could go, we could whistle at pretty girls. [chuckles] i'm down for that. see? he's down. i don't know what it means, but he's down. hey. please. don't give me that finger.

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i'll make you a deal. if you come... i'll show you the quarter trick. will you look at the man? ted: i'll tell you the secret. no, dad. don't you wanna know how i--? how you do the stupid trick? i've always known. can you let me do my work? you've always known. you're pathetic. okay. [♪] i'm so sorry i barged in. i love you, son. oh, my... see you later, grandpa. i love you. dad. pop. pop. [crying quietly] [beeps] [beeps] [beeps]

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[sniffles] um... mmm. [beeps] i love you, son. [beeps] [beeps] i love you, son. [beeps] i love you, son. [beeps] [sniffling] i love you too, dad. i'll miss you. you know that. goodbye. you wanna see something thatamazing?ing. go to hilton instead of a travel site and you'll experience a whole new range of emotions like...

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>> tech: don't wait for a chip like this to crack your whole windshield. with safelite's exclusive resin, you get a strong repair that you can trust. plus, with most insurance a safelite repair is no cost to you. >> customer: really?! >> singers: safelite repair, safelite replace. pack that fourth bathing suit for your three-day getaway. stay an extra day or two. heck, make it a week. with low fares and no hidden fees, follow your heart each time you board ours. [sfx: clap, clap, ding] (paul) (sprintern)at special timeme it's iphone season at sprint. (paul) switch and get...

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i'm sorry about your father. taking him wasn't something i wanted to do. what do you mean "taking him"? i'm an angel, michael. an angel? i thought an angel was supposed to protect people. i'm the angel of death. [♪] your dad... was his time. you bastard. [groans] [gasps] oh, no. no.

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all right, leave me alone. leave me alone. you had your fun. just take me to a good place. [beeps] [band playing] man: ♪ the stars in the sky ♪ the moon on high ♪ the best things in life are free ♪ [applauding] and now, everybody, it's time for mr. newman to say a few words. woman: yay, michael! man: go get them, michael! speech! all right. um... wedding cake. wedding cake. okay, where's the groom? [chuckles] show your face. hi, dad. [laughs] ben. i didn't miss my son's wedding. wow, this is terrific, buddy. who's the lucky lady? very funny, mr. newman. [crowd laughs] aunt peggy, is that you?

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god, you got old. [crowd oohing] michael: no, no. i... she... i'm just playing. she knows that. [scattered laughs] [♪] [whispers] ma. ben's wife... welcome to the family. thank you. congratulations. let's have the best night, okay? [crowd applauding] [band playing] ♪ call me irresponsible ♪ call me unreliable... look at you, ma. you look amazing. aw. mmm. michael. you haven't kissed me like that since you were a little boy. you are the best, ma. you know i know that, right? oh, darling, that's so sweet. mwah. you know, michael,

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your father would've loved to be here. i know, ma. okay. i'm just glad you're here. oh. me too, bubbala. me too. me too. it's beautiful. beautiful. oh. beautiful. look at her. donna, my favorite. oh. you're such a schmuck for letting her go. but don't let me ruin your evening. yeah. i'll talk to you later. christina. michael, you've been so generous taking care of all this and the kids' honeymoon. absolutely. thank you so much. of course. ben's wife seems like a nice kid, huh? donna: oh, i think she's wonderful. oh. definite keeper. singer: here's one you might remember from the cranberries. [band playing "linger" by the cranberries] [laughs] out of all the songs, huh? bill, since it's our son's wedding, do you mind if i dance

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with my ex-husband for a minute? not at all. thank you. just have her back by midnight, all right, champ? you got it, bill. [chuckling] [beeps] [beeps] [chuckles] [crowd laughing] man 1: why does he have a bathing suit on? ♪ i'm in too deep man 2: nice speedo, buddy. ♪ you know i'm such a fool for you ♪ ♪ you got me wrapped around your finger ♪ still smelling good, huh? after all these years. oh, yeah. yeah. are you happy? of course i'm happy. our son just got married. not about that. are you happy about where our lives ended up? [sighs] "ended." it's not over yet. yeah, that's my donna. it's true.

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yeah. that samantha? yeah. hey! what are you doin'? put a sweater on. cover them up. what is with you? um... just kidding, i... just not used to seeing you all grown-up like this. okay, well, if that's your way of telling me that i look pretty, then thank you. [both chuckling] let's go get some cake. i'll race you there, dad. okay. come on. "dad"? michael, are you okay? [groans] man: is there a doctor? we need a doctor here! ♪ wrapped around your finger michael. dad. dad! it's just corn flakes. ♪ do you have to ♪ do you have to let it linger? ♪

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[machine beeping] ♪ no one knows where it comes from. hey! stop! ♪ why some have it... ...and some don't.

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gain. seriously good scent. the game can be rough on skin... ...rehydrate and strengthen your skin... ...to bounce back ... ... and rebound strong. ♪ dove men+care sportcare rehydrates and strengthens skin. gnocchis.s. raviolis. and them smokeys. curry. fried turkey. cacciatori. chimichurri. berry. mcflurry. (mcdonald's) half stack. taco pack.

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lobster mac. and them baby back baby backs. we are america's kitchen. doordash. every flavor welcome. we know a thing or two because we've seen a thing or two. even a- (ernie) lost rubber duckie? (burke) you mean this one? (ernie) rubber duckie! (cookie) what about a broken cookie jar? (burke) again, cookie? (cookie) yeah. me bad. (grover) yoooooow! oh! what about monsters having accidents? i am okay by the way! (burke) depends. did you cause the accident, grover? (grover) cause an accident? maybe... (bert) how do you know all this stuff? (burke) just comes with experience. (all muppets) yup. ♪ we are farmers. ♪ bum-pa-dum, bum-bum-bum-bum [morty whistling]

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one dance, you pop an artery. [weakly] why'd you make me waste my entire life? you were fast-forwarding through your life long before you ever met me. you lived the life you chose, big shot. this is not the life i wanted. it is. [beeps] [beeps] looks like it is. hey. you're up. how you feelin'? [groans] i feel better now that you guys are here. samantha's been here, like, 36 hours straight. she said she wouldn't leave the hospital until you woke up. why'd you do that? because you're my father. i thought bill was your father. i have two fathers. one of them told me he was gonna live till he was 200.

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remember? you both really need to get some sleep. and i got a, uh, plane to catch. big ben's gotta go on his honeymoon. uh, actually, i just canceled the honeymoon. kensington deal might be falling through, so i gotta go do damage control. oh, no. julie and i can go to italy any time. michael: no. it's not that big a deal. that's not fair to your wife. dad, she gets it. keeping the business going is more important. i'm sorry. you're gonna have to leave. he needs his rest. not yet. all right. bye, dad. ben. [heart monitor racing] ben. bye, daddy. ben. [softly] oh, god. ben. ben. ben. [gasps] get this off of me. [groans] [panting] whoa. whoa. hey, fella, you're a long way from walking out of here. i gotta see my son.

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you're not going anywhere. now, get back into the bed. hey. isn't that colin farrell? where? [groans] ah. michael. those machines, keeping you alive. they are. i gotta talk to my boy. [groaning] [♪] michael, stop. no. morty: michael, it doesn't have to end now. [thunder rumbling] [michael gasps] [panting] ben. ben. ben.

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[grunts] ben! ben! ben, come back! dad? dad! hey, what are you doing? are you okay? oh, my god. help! help! dad! dad! help! ben. ben. family. family. family. [crying] what? family. family. family comes first. family comes first. honeymoon. honeymoon. honeymoon. i love you. samantha. come here. samantha. i didn't make 200...

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but i love you. i love you. bill, bill, bill. bill. i... [panting] [mouthing words] [softly] i'm sorry. morty: michael. the note you wrote her, it's in your pocket.

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[crying] forever and ever, babe. [sobbing] it's time to go. [sobbing] >> tech: don't wait for a chip like this to crack your whole windshield. with safelite's exclusive resin, you get a strong repair that you can trust. plus, with most insurance a safelite repair is no cost to you. >> customer: really?! >> singers: safelite repair, safelite replace. ♪ mom? it's dad. you gave them your bathtub. don't give them your cookies. pepperidge farm milano.

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save something for yourself. curiosity- it ignites our imagination. in search of inspiration and daring new ideas. at lexus our greatest curiosity isn't a machine? it's you. experience the rewards of our curiosity. red lobster's endless shrimp is back for just fifteen ninety nine. get all the shrimp you want, any way you want 'em. like new sriracha-honey shrimp... ...savory grilled teriyaki shrimp,... ...classic shrimp scampi and more!

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red lobster's endless shrimp is fifteen ninety nine. hurry in. seeing what people left behind in the attic. well, saving on homeowners insurance with geico's help was pretty fun too. ahhhh, it's a tiny dancer. they left a ton of stuff up here. welp, enjoy your house. nope. no thank you. geico could help you save on homeowners and renters insurance. geico could help you save on homeowners and its mission is to make temsleep feel cool.™, so no more night sweats. no nocturnal baking. no high blast ceiling fans. no polar ice cap air conditioner mode. no windows open... in january... in minnesota. because the tempur-pedic breeze™ delivers superior cooling, from cover to core. helping you sleep cool, all night long.

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there's nothing like tempur-pedic© sleep. [ referee whistle sounds ] ♪ sport dr[ cheering ]s when you need the fuel to be your nephew's number one fan. holiday inn express. we're there. so you can be too. and thchin up guys!good! everything's gonna be okay. you guys remember how to tap, tap, right? you guys are ready to order outback through doordash. yeah! outback steakhouse. now available on doordash. i'm gonna need some help getting up...

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♪ oh, baby ♪ i see you all day ♪ never waste a month of me ♪ oh, darling ♪ i can't stand it where am i? you're in bed bath & beyond, sir. i was just watching you sleep. you looked like you were having a crazy dream. what? you're not supposed to lay in the beds, but i do sometimes. i'm back in the store? i'm young again. i'm young again. well, i mean, you're not "young" young. i mean, i'm young. you're kind of on the back nine. no, no. no. i'm just teeing off, baby. huh. look at you. [laughs] you want a friend? yeah. you want a friend? yeah. i'll be your friend, baby. i'll be your friend. i'll be your friend. [whooping]

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oh. oh, my god! [laughs] whoo! yes! ah, yes! yes! my crappy car! you mediocre, middle-class crappy cab! i love you! ♪ oh, sugar, don't you cry [tires screech] ♪ oh, child, wipe the tears from your eyes ♪ [door opens, then shuts] pop. pop, pop, pop. there he is. there he is. what's wrong? there he is. what happened? nothing's wrong. everything's incredible, ma. i wanted to tell you i love you. i love you. i love you so much. you gotta tell me how you do the quarter trick. please, it's driving me crazy. a magician never reveals his secrets. however, if you invite us over for dinner more... you come over tomorrow night and the night after that. any time you want. stop, i'll have a heart attack. no, i have the heart attacks. thanks so much for giving birth to me. i know it hurt, okay? you have no idea. but, honey, please, stay off the bong pipe. i can't promise you that. trudy: oh. [sighs] okay.

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mmm. i'm... i'm up. yeah. what do you think? [groans] if you massage me first. okay. let's go to sleep. mmm. ♪ baby, baby, baby ♪ baby, baby, baby ♪ baby, baby, baby ♪ light my way samantha: mom, wake up! there's a crazy noise downstairs. ♪ baby, baby, baby ♪ light my way what the heck is going on? shh! hey, do you mind? i am trying to concentrate. here i am, staying up all night, killing myself, trying to come up with activities for our fourth of july camping trip, but you won't let me think! oh, you want time to think? why don't you think about the fact that you just wo--? [mutters] what did you just say? yes, you heard me. if you keep up this weird attitude, i won't be able to go to work for a year,

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and have to plan 10 more vacations. that make you happy? did you eat a bad yodel? give me those big lips. mmm. ben: what's going on down here? ben. ben! come here. oh, my god. i missed you, i missed you. look at you, boy. mwah. i'm gonna finish the tree house. we'll sleep in it next weekend. we're gonna exercise together, and i'm not gonna wear a speedo. all right! all right. and you... nice jump. i love you. one day, you are gonna be the hottest chick alive. but you've still gotta have brains, so tomorrow i'll teach you calculus. you know calculus? i knew you'd call me on that. your mother will teach you. get your rest, because tomorrow we're going camping! samantha: love you! it's gonna be the best! put a sweater on! don't ever take it off! samantha: okay, daddy. oh, and sundance! doggy years go by very quick, so it's time to enjoy the real thing. [whines curiously] yeah. go get some, baby. [♪]

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[barks] [claps] what are you doin'? what are you doing? ♪ i know just how to whisper ♪ no. go to sundance. not the duck. ♪ and i know just how to cry ♪ i know just where to find the answers ♪ ah! they told me at the pet store it was a female. they lied to me, i guess. [sighs] you staying downstairs tonight? why, that's getting you going? ah, no, it's fourth of july. i'm gonna celebrate with my wife. take my time, massage her, make sure she is fully satisfied. hmm. but, you know, it isn't the fourth of july. it's only the second. oh. that's even better. happy second of july, honey. mmm. think i like this holiday. yeah? i'm gonna go change into my pocahontas costume. i'll see you upstairs. i'll bring the duck. okay, i gotta call my dad

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and tell him to get the old tent ready. [♪] "michael." [reading on-screen text] "i know you'll do the right thing this time. "love, morty. "p.s. [reading on-screen text] okay, morty. [♪]

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hey, who wants to have a pillow fight? [kids cheering] ♪ you got the music in you ♪ don't let go ♪ you got the music in you ♪ one chance left ♪ this one is gonna pull through ♪ ♪ don't give up ♪ you've got a reason to live ♪ ♪ can't forget ♪ we only get what we give ♪ i'm comin' home, baby ♪ your doubts ♪ give it to me now ♪ four a.m. we ran a miracle mile ♪ ♪ we're flat broke but hey, we do it in style ♪ ♪ the bad rich ♪ god's flying in for your trial ♪ ♪ oh, yeah ♪ but when the night is falling ♪

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♪ you cannot find a friend ♪ you feel your dream is breaking ♪ ♪ just live ♪ you've got the music in you ♪ ♪ don't let go ♪ you got the music in you ♪ one dance left ♪ this one is gonna pull through ♪ ♪ don't give up ♪ you've got a reason to live ♪ ♪ can't forget ♪ we only get what we give ♪ don't let go ♪ i feel the music in you ♪ no, hey, hey, ooh ♪ fly ♪ high ♪ what's real ♪ can't die ♪ you're gonna get what you give ♪ ♪ don't give up ♪ just don't be afraid to live ♪

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tv Click Comedy Central November 3, 2019 2:00pm-4:35pm PST

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tv Click Comedy Central November 3, 2019 2:00pm-4:35pm PST

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Comedy Central November 3, 2019 2:00pm-4:35pm PST