ro. again. zero. ok. four. six. nice. two. - oh, i hit three. - one. - i hit three instead. - god! [beeping] >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in and thank you as always for coming out! i'm trevor noah! our guest tonight is an actor, comedienne and author here with a new netflix special and a brand-new book, jenny slate is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) also on tonight's show, facebook is banning sex, donald trump doesn't know how to stand, and the ugly truth about

vaping. so let's catch up on today's headlines. ♪ let's kick it off with the big social media controversy. recently, facebook said that it would not ban political ads even if they made false statements, and everyone said, oh, man, we're screwed! and now facebook is saying, oh, no, we'll make sure you're not screwed. >> facebook and instagram users who post emojis or emoji strings in a sexual manner will now face being banned. that means if you use eggplant, peach or sweat emojis, facebook and instagram will be looking at just how you're using them. >> trevor: really, facebook? you're banning egg plant and peach emojis? you realize it will be hard to explain how grandma's egg post and peach salad post got dilated dleetd. so, grandma, facebook thinks you're a hoa. she's, like, you do one gangbang

and it follows you -- what? ( laughter ) there's apparently nothing facebook can do if russians post fake political ads or nazis send death threats but now they're coming after horny people -- we've got a cold water squirt here, fellas! it's hard to explain to someone from the 19th century how dating has changed. in my day, we would put a son et into a love letter. really? we just text vegetables that look like our ding dongs. ( laughter ) the city of los angeles is trying to ban actual humans. >> las vegas makes it illegal to camp or sleep on the streets or sidewalks, at the city council approving the measure in front of a fired-up crowd. ( chanting ) protesters say the ban criminalizes the homeless population, those violating the law could be fined up to $1,000 or put in jail for six months. >> trevor: are you shitting

me? this is heartless and disgusting. the city of vegas is making it a crime for a homeless person to sleep on the street. what's the pitch? we don't want the homeless people because they might scare away the usual crowd of pimps and bookies, you know. ( laughter ) how are you going to fine a homeless person? asking them to pay a fine is like asking nancy pelosi to blink. it's not gonna happen. those eyes don't close! ( laughter ) it's also crazy the punishment for being homeless in the street will be six months in jail. this is the paradox of america because the government could be providing housing for homeless people, instead they'd rather spend $4,500 per person to put a homeless person in prison, which is a place with a roof, bed and tv. just give them a house, take away the bars and the toilet wine, it's the same thing. ( applause ) but instead the city is going to force the people to live in jail

and at the end of the sentence you would be, like, you're free do you have a house yet? no. well get back in there! ( laughter ) we all know 911 is the number to call when there's an emergency but you may want to have a backup. >> the 911 personnel under fire after an emergency call was mishandled while investigators say the supervisor was apparently screaming netflix. >> when a gunman opened fire, his bullet barely missed a woman sitting in her car. she called 911 three times, but the police never came, in part because the supervisor was distracted, watching netflix and hulu on the job. >> i just called the police a few good minutes ago and they're still not here and i just got shot at in the car. i don't know what to do. i'm freaking out. >> another four minutes passed, still no cops. >> hi, i just called. i'm going to drive to the police station. is that okay? >> trevor: oh, man! first overall, i need the gumption of this woman. she gets shot at, the police don't answer so she's like i'm just going to drive to the

station myself? that's conviction because grub hub gives me a call kale salad instead of ice cream, i'm grumbling, yeah, i'll take it. what if she gets to the station and the cops are also watching netflix. then she'll have to investigate herself, find the shooter, take him to court, then the judge is also watching netflix, so she has to do the trial herself, it's like a one-woman justice system. which is a great story, they should make it into a show on netflix. i think that would be ray great show and the police will be watching it when she calls. can we admit this is partly netflix's fault, though? they make binging too addictive. maybe netflix should have a setting for people at work so it says, if you like stranger things, you may like doing your (~bleep ) job! it might work! i do have a tip for anyone, though -- if you do call 911 and you suspect that they are ignoring you because they're watching netflix, there is a code you can use to make sure

they send someone right away. say "black guy" then they spring right into action. it really works well. just pick up a phone and be, like, hello 911, my cat is struck in a tree and there's black guy out there. we're send something one right away! he's on his way! that's it for the headlines, let's move on to our top stories. ( cheers and applause ) our main story is about vaping. it's for people who like smoke bug don't like to look cool. when vape pens first came out they were marketed as a better alternative to smoking -- no smell, no mess and most importantly said it was better for your health which sound liked the holy grail. imagine if they came out with a tequila that caused you to make good se decisions. dude, i drank so much last night i created an app that connects healthcare providers with low income families who need it and i didn't call my ex, i was smashed! ( laughter ) last year we found out vaping

was not as innocent as we were told. we're also learning the vaping companies are shady as shit. >> a new lawsuit claims e-cigarette maker jull shipped and sold contaminated vaping pods to customers and retailers. an executive admits at least one million tainted pods were put on the market earlier this year. >> former juul president claims he was fired in march for raising concerns about the quality to have the products sold. the lawsuit claims then c.e.o. kevin burns responded to the concerns saying half our customers are drunk and vaping hike (~bleep ), who the (~bleep ) is going to notice the quality of our pods? >> trevor: i don't know what's worse, the fact juul was shipping contaminated pods or the fact their c.e.o. didn't give a shit about his customers. he treats them like the way trump treats the english

language, not good, quid pro quo! ( applause ) and this lawsuit is only the latest in a long string of vaping controversies. there have been widespread reports about people getting sick and dying from vaping and people who thought they were vaping but just sucking on a usb drive. oh, oh, powerpoint, oh! you may be wondering how did an industry that barely existed a few years ago turn into a nationwide epidemic. let's find out in another installment of "if you don't know, now you know." ( applause ) so how did electronic cigarettes become the biggest thing on the streets? well, their rise to the top started a lot like regular cigarettes. >> there's no question that the e-cigarette industry has ripped its tactics straight from big

tobacco's playbook. >> take a look at the glamorous woman smoking a cigarette in the 1930s, and this one today in an add for an e-cigarette. the rugged cowboy then and now. >> reactorring, relaxation, freedom, traveling and sex appeal. e-cigarettes can be promoted in music videos like tobacco corporations used to pay stars to smoke cigarettes on screen. >> trevor: that's irresponsible. celebrities shouldn't be advertising addictive substances to their fans which is why the only product i endorse is cabbage. cabbage. one thing you definitely won't get addicted to. mmm! mmm! i don't want any more of this. no! ( laughter ) now, to be clear, vaping companies aren't bad guys because they advertise their product. what made this a sinister industry is who they were advertising their products to. >> the f.d.a. slamming popular populare-cigarette maker juul

for marketing directly to students. >> juul spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to fund youth programming. >> two teenagers testified a juul representative came to their school to give an anti-vaping and when the teacher left the room told them it was safe to use. >> it becomes in flavors they like. they're easy to hide. >> you can't fell it's a teenager's lip gloss or cologne or if it's a vape. >> i think you can tell because they're sucking on it. i'm pretty sure teenagers aren't taking drags off eternity for men. something tells me kids get away with a lot at this principal's school. boy, it sure is remarkable how many students here are texting about their eggplants getting rained on! these kids love gardening! but when you look at everything from vape pen designs to their

outreach you don't have to be a genius to realize they wanted their products in the hands of teens, and the flavors are probably the biggest red flag of all, i mean, mango, cotton candy, jelly donut. these things are so targeted at kids, i'm shocked they didn't have a breast milk flavor. according to the vape lobby, all these flavors are clearly for adults only. >> the industry is not targeting children. just because you're an adult doesn't mean that you don't like gummy bears. i see adults buying packs after gummy bears all the time. just because you're an adult doesn't mean you don't like good flavors. >> trevor: i hear you, rodeo accountant, i hear you. ( laughter ) but you have to admit, the vaping lobby's excuses sound a lot like a pedophile's excuses. the candy and disney movies i keep in the car are for me, adults like mawana, too! the biggest e-cigarette company has curbed marketing to kids and gotten rid of the super

fruity fantastic totally adult flavors. unfortunately, it might be too little, too late, because countless teens already addicted to vaping and schools across the country are struggling with the outbreak. >> it's a nationwise problem. in texas some schools make kids roll up their long sleeves so they can't hide the devices. in february, in nebraska, they are randomly testing students in extracurricular activities for nicotine. there are vape sensors in illinois and new jersey bathrooms. >> one alabama high school taking extreme measures after the student was found passed out from vaping. the principal removed the doors off the stalls which some parents say that's excessive. >> trevor: some parents say it's excessive to force students to shit in front of everybody? who are the other parents who are, like, it's dinefein, my kid doesn't deserve privacy. aside from t.i., who are the other parents in he's probably

like take the doors off those stalls expeditiously. ( laughter ) i think we can all agree that neither kids nor schools should be responsible for fixing this addiction crisis. the companies like juul have helped create. if anything, e-cigarette companies should be forced to pay for damage they have caused, the same way opioid companies are forced to pay, or how nabisco had to pay for cookie monster's rehab. we should go to juul's offices and take the doors off their bathroom stalls till they fix the shit they've done ( applause ) that's how vaping became the crisis it is in america today. if you don't know, now you know. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )

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people in the world, but he's also one of the absolute weirdest people in the world. ( laughter ) he's got weird hair, he's got weird moves, he's got weird friends, but there's one donald trump quirk that hasn't gotten the immediate yea attention it deserves, and that has to be the way he stands. ( laughter ) look at him. that is not how a normal human being stands. like, he looks like a penguin that got butt implants. ( laughter ) but the question is, where did he learn to stand like that? well, we tracked down the man behind the stand. ( laughter ) you call this standing? >> you call this standing? you call this standing?

i call that stinking! look at this spine straight, up and down spine! you're a freak! you see how his legs are wide giving him a nice base? that's (~bleep ) wrong. look how his ears are attached to his head! i've got ears over here! look how his arms are at his side comfortably. makes me want to puke! i am puking! i'm augustus man drake and i'm a posture expert. i run the academy of standing normally in a way that isn't weird. and, yeah, i taught president trump. everything he knows about standing, every pose, every marionism, every iconic stance he learned from me. if you want to stand normally you have to pop your ass out. i want your head in rhode island and your (~bleep ) ass in tokyo.

okay? let me show you. first thing you set is your ass. pop it. work at trader joes, bang! president of the united states. pop it. see what i'm doing here? look at my ass. this is the only place that you can ever hear a teacher say look at my (bleep) ass. spine curved, arms up, ass out. see? see how normal i look right now? like i'm walking into a hurricane. and then if you want variation, drop the arms down. woo, now i'm the president of the united states. you see the way most people stand? it's wrong. that's why i teach the natural way, the way that evolution intended our spines to stand. s because if you're standing normally, it should hurt. and that's my motto. this is what we're looking for, okay? notice the frankenstein shoulders. notice the hands. see how it looks like he's

carrying two briefcases that somehow caught on fire? do you see how incredibly normal it looks when he does that? i need four volunteers. you, you, you and you. come on up. now, try to stand like the president, not like four idiots who suck at standing, okay? more normal! more -- normal! more normal! aaaa -- what is this? >> i just think i should stand a little straighter. >> i have been standing normal in a way that isn't weird for 30 years, and you are a sack of dog shit. so, no, you shouldn't stand up straighter. now get out. get out!

yeah, me and the president talk, i don't know, three or four times a day. we usually talk standing, posture, war with iran. we also talk sitting. because the president didn't just go to my standing academy, he also graduated from my other school, the academy of sitting like a regular person who is definitely not incredibly strange. he was the valedictorian. the president is a fighter, and let me tell you, if you want to stand up for yourself like the president, then you need to know how to stand. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: michael kosta, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an actor, comedienne and author whose new book is called "little weirds" and her debut netflix comedy special is called "stage fright." >> i don't know if anyone here is a sucker like me and does those, like, bar classes where you're supposed to, like, sculpt your clit into an ancient arrowhead or whatever? ( laughter ) they're, like, we're going to

target the small muscles! i'm, like, if i knew we were going to target the small muscles, i would have stayed home, because i super know how to target. i get a bullseye every time. ( laughter ) i close my eyes and think of all my friends being, like, wait, we can't start without jenny! and then i target, i target. i target hard. >> trevor: please welcome jenny slate! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: and congratulations on having not one but two new projects out at the same time that are getting great reviews from people who are watching and reading them. let's talk first about the book "little weirds." it's interesting because you say you didn't want to write a book about, you know, your time in comedy, you didn't want to write about "snl," you just wanted to write about your weird little

world. i was, like, what does that mean? but when you read it it's, like, you have a very strange mind. as beautiful mind, but it is a strange mind. i mean, you write about, like, the idea of being born as a croissant, for instance. is that how your mind works? is that what's always going on? >> you know, i do think it's pretty various inside and that is the scope of my imagination, but part of writing this book was like, you know, sometimes, especially if you're a comedienne, they're, like, we want you to write comedic essays about the famous people you've met or something or where you have been, and for me, i wrote this at a time when i kind of felt like i needed to get to know myself again. so i started to write little pieces just about what i was observing in myself, and the piece you're talking about, the croissant, it comes from this weird feeling that i have been having, like, for over a decade that was just a wish that i would be walking down the street and people would see me and be,

like, she's probably are from france. ( laughter ) you know? >> trevor: i don't know. i don't know what that means. i love it. >> no, yeah, it means like she's classy, she's just over it. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i think that is the best description for a french person i've ever heard. >> yeah. >> trevor: let's talk about the stand-up as well because your mind translates completely differently in the stand-up. that's what i likely enjoy is you have a documentary parallel to the stand-up so you're telling stories and we see the real life backstory to the stories. one to have the most adorable thing in the special is when we see your grandmothers. your grands are adorable. you imitate them which makes you adorable. why did you choose to do it like that? >> i have been doing stand-up for almost 15 years, and i've never done a special because i don't like the challenge of

having to get it perfect. i'm very improvisational on stage and i thought there's kind of no place for me, and then i thought, well, there's a place for me to show where i come from, and that's what my special should be like, so i decided to do the set in the way i normally do it, which is, like, there are bullet points, but it's improvised, and then to show that i come from these people who are story tellers and, like, strange, silly sweethearts in their own way and that i'm kind of from that but somehow shot out the side. >> trevor: one thing i find fascinating is you've been really open talking about, like, you know, your anxiety and how you were struggling at some point with your place in the world and harnessing your mind and emotions. has this helped you writing it out, doing the special out there? has it given you a sense of relief? >> it really has because i think there's a sense that if you're going to put yourself in the public eye you have to be really tough. or when people hear i'm a

stand-up comedienne, they go, oooh, that's hard because of heckling. and i shade to jinx myself but aactually haven't been heckled because i'm usually just a person up there talking. but i've kept it really small scale. i think for me, writing this book, first, i wanted to just be really muscular about it, and suddenly i was, like, i just want to write a book that is sweet that anybody could open to any page that feel that they are talking to a dear friend. >> trevor: right. >> and that means, like, a reflection of intimacy and being allowed to share sorrow without making it be heavy. so i put this book here kind of like into the culture to be like there's a lot that hurts right now, whatever line you're on, there's just a lot of bruising, and i would like to just offer a little gift of relief for myself and whoever pants wants it. >> trevor: i think you've done that with the book and the special. it's fantastic. thank you so much for joining us

on the show. likely wonderful. "stage fright" is streaming observe nerves and "little weirds" is available now. jenny slate, everybody. we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ this is an ad for a chip so iconic. we don't need a logo. it's the three-sided crunch. you know, that cheesy, spicy, crispy-crunchy, flavor packed bodega snack that rhymes with. i need those. an ad with no logo? it's another level.

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>> trevor: well, that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. now here it is, your moment of zen. >> nobody's done more to change the court system in the history of our country than donald trump. ( cheers and applause ) >> this is trump country! ( cheers and applause ) >> speaker nancy pelosi is trying to impeach him! it must suck to be that dumb! ( cheers and applause ) >> president trump has great courage, he faces down the fake

media every day. ( cheers and applause ) >> spade: a million pounds worth of sex toys were stolen off a truck in london when the driver fell asleep. >> where do you want all of theetion? >> spade: oh, just put them in my office next to the stolen coke, stolen weed and the stolen wheels of cheese. captioning sponsored by comedy central (applause). ♪ amazing, whatever. you're still fat. ♪. >> and now david spade!