i really can't say. but, yes. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you for coming out! thank you so much! take a seat! let's do this! i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight is a billionaire and activist now running for president of the united states, tom steyer is going to be joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) also on tonight's show, the royal family has a new scandal to deal with.

michael bloomberg apologizes to black people and the real reason president trump was in the hospital. so let's catch up on today's headlines. let's start with the international news that's blowing up all over the world. ever since jeffrey epstein was arrested and "killed himself in prison," all the men who ever associated with him have come under fire, no one more so than prince andrew, the one member to have the royal family who everybody always forgets, and this weekend prince andrew tried to defend his friendship with the convicted sex offender and he gave the most royally out of touch defense we've ever heard. >> prince andrew speaking publicly for the first time about his relationship with now deceased multi-millionaire and convicted sex offender jeffrey epstein. >> do i regret the fact he has quite obviously conducted himself in a manner unbecoming, yes. >> unbecoming? he was a sex offender. >> i'm sorry.

i'm being polite, in the sense that he was a sex offender. >> trevor: wow. first of all, i love british interviews. she was, like, i'm sorry, unbecoming -- ( laughter ) secondly, that is the most generous description of sex offender i've ever heard, conducted himself in a manner unbecoming. this is crossed with a big misunderstanding. ( laughter ) all the people around the royal family were so pissed men meghan markel joined -- she's undignified, she likes media attention too much, we can't have meghan markel join the family. now it's, meghan, can you divert attention, from the family, please? >> in 2018, epstein was convicted of sthritsen sex from a minor. in 2010, the prince was observed

appearing in the doorway of epstein's new york home. while he admit he stayed there four days he now says he came to end their friendship. >> but you were staying at the house of a convicted sexo fender. >> it was a convenient place to statement ( audience reacts ) >> trevor: it was a convenient place to stay? i think there are more convenient places than a sex offender's house. and, so, really? this dude is going to say the only reason he stayed at epstein's house for four days is so that he could end their friendship? for starters, you don't go to someone's house to end a friendship. you just call them and ask them to pick you up from the airport and then you never hear from them again, right? that's it. also if you are breaking up with your friend, it doesn't take four dames what was the schedule for that like? monday, tell jeffrey never to speak to me again. tuesday, don't make yesterday's mistake of playing pf4 with jeffrey on his big screen.

wednesday, talk to jeffrey before he lets you ride your motorcycle through house. thursday, jeffrey's a cool dude, i'm sphaig. ( laughter ) thanks to the prince's interview, what was meant to be damage control turned into chaos for the royal family. i bet the queen is, like, i knew i should have killed him instead of diana. ( audience reacts ) moving on to another interpretational story. every halloween americans brace themselves for stories about white people who want to be way more tan than they should be. in other countries, they deal with black and brown face scandals. canada knew they elected a man of color but didn't know. the netherlands is now once again embroiled in black face debate around "black beat," santa's black dutch helper. >> t saturday the dutch celebrated the arrival of st. nicholas and his traditional and controversial companion

black pete usually portrayed by white people in black face paint wearing frizzy wigs and lipstick. it is criticized as being racist: we think it is a party for the people and should stay the way it is. we want pete to stay blafnlgt this should not be a political affair but just a nice party for all the people. >> trevor: okay, in case you're confused, here's what's going on -- in the netherlands they have santa like everyone else, but also a character named black pete. magical helper who rolls with sanda ta clause. if kids are nice, santa gives them presents. if kids are naughty, black pete whips their ass. what you have to admit really raises the stakes for dutch kids. imagine being a kid waiting up to hear santa and reindeer landing on the roof and you look out and it's a black dude with a baseball bat saying, you should cleaned your room, cody! ( laughter ) here's what i think is weird

about black pete in this debate -- some people in the netherlands say black pete is black because he slides down the chimney and gets soot all over him. i'm willing to accept that explanation. but then why does he come down with an afroe and red lips? what's happening in that chimney, huh? also, how come santa don't also come own covered in soot. pete goes down the chimney, opens the door for santa, and santa sayings, you've got to break in, i've got priors, don't want to go back to jail. ( laughter ) let's move on to another elf like creature with a bad reputation among black people. michael bloomberg, thinking very seriously about getting into the democratic primary. he's starting to do things he swore he never would. >> former new york city mayor michael bloomberg criticized potential rivals for apologizing too much for their past. >> joe biden apologized for being male, over 50, white. beto, or whatever his name is,

he's apologized for being born. ( laughter ) but today in a speech at a predominantly black church in brooklyn, bloomberg with his own apology says he regrets his controversial stop and frisk policy, one he defended for years. >> i now see we could have and should have acted sooner and acted faster to cut the stops. i wish we had, and i'm sorry that we didn't. >> trevor: yep. over the weekend, michael bloomberg apologized for stop and frisk at a black church in brooklyn, and there were two things he did not pull off -- the apology and that church hat. ( laughter ) and bloomberg is lucky he didn't have to stay for the full service because black church goes on forever. good luck running 2020. that service doesn't end till 20 # 21, they would have kept him there. you know what's fascinating to me? michael bloomberg repeated by within asked about stop and frisk for pen years and every year he stood by it but now that

he's about to run for president, all of a sudden he sees the error of his ways? either bloomberg is wand pandering or something magical is happening to you when you run for president. it makes you reexamine your life. maybe we should all run for president just to become bert human beings. now be, hey, baby, now that i'm running for president, i realize having a secret family is not the right thing to. do so now they will move in with us. voting 2020. now to the headlines, the top story. ( cheers and applause ) we're now just 350 days away from the 2020 presidential election, and as the big day approaches, people are scrutinizing the frontrunners more than ever -- their policies, how they eat fried food, and, of course, their age. you realize, right now, the four biggest contenders have a combined age of 297 years old. ( laughter ) well, 299, if you include buttigieg. ( laughter )

now, while bernie was recovering from a heart attack and biden was fighting the narrative of memory loss, trump has been impervious to the age discussion because, despite his lifestyle, trump has been freakishly healthy, never needing to even see a doctor -- until now. >> questions are being raised after an unconventional visit by president trump to walter reed medical center. the white house insists it's for an annual physical but came less than a year after the last one and did not follow protocol. >> the white house didn't announce the plans to go to walter reed ahead of time. the white house says the president is taking advantage of a free weekend in washington overnight, the president tweeting this is phase one of his physical, he will continue it next weir. >> trevor: yes, this weekend president trump made a surprise visit to the hospital and nobody knows why -- a health emergency or did he need to get a marble removed from his nose again? we don't know.

( laughter ) this story became suspicious when trump tweeted he popped into the hospital to do phase one of his annual physical. that's not a thing. nobody breaks their annual physical into phases. that's not a thing. you're not, like, yeah, today we can just cut the balls and in march i'll come back and cough. ( laughter ) now, because no one trusts this white house, every one is wildly speculating about what actually happened. did trump have a heart problem or a stroke? and if he did have a stroke, how would you even be able to tell? ( laughter ) no, because the symptoms of a stroke are slurred speech, confusion and erratic behavior. for trump that's a tuesday! ( cheers and applause ) who wouldn't know? in fact, if trump ever starts speaking normally, that's when melania should call 911. hello, ambulance? something is wrong with my husband, he just finished a cross word puzzle, please, send help. ( laughter )

and even if trump is lying about the physical, that doesn't mean something major is going on, right. but we also know if something was horribly wrong with trump, the white house would pretend everything was normal. trump could come back with both arms amputated and the press secretary would say this is just a standard checkup, the president's arms have always been brooms, he uses them to clean up washington, d.c. ( laughter ) , so look, i don't know what happened with trump, but judging by this weekend's news it wouldn't be surprising if he had a panic attack. during the impeachment hearings last week we learned about a call at a rust rant between trump and e.u. ambassador gordon sondland. a diplomat who overheard the call is spilling all the beans to congress. >> nbc news obtained a copy of david holmes statement. he said "while ambassador sondland's phone was not on speaker i could hear the president's voice through the ear peace of the phone. i heard president trump ask, so

he's going to do the investigation? ambassador sondland replied he's going to do it, adding that president zelensky will do anything you ask him to. the president's voice was loud and recognizable, and ambassador sondland held the phone away from his ear for a period of time. >> trevor: david holmes testified to congress he overheard a call where trump specifically asked ukraine to dig up dirt on joe biden not because he was on speakerphone but because trump is a human speakerphone. ( yelling ) i'm calling about the criminal conspiracy! ( laughter ) this looks bad. what's worse is, after the call -- and this is crazy, after the call, sondland recaps just what happened for everyone at the table, like an episode of white house talking dead. >> ambassador sondland agreed

that the president did not give a (~bleep ) about ukraine. i asked why not, and ambassador sondland stated that the president only cares about big stuff. i noted there was big stuff going on in ukraine like a war with russia, and ambassador sondland replied that he meant big stuff that benefits the president, like the biden investigation that mr. giuliani was pushing. >> trevor: seriously? he gets off the call and then lays out the plan for everyone at the table? was he trying to get busted? like what did he do next? jump into a plane and write trump wants dirt on joe biden in the sky? ( laughter ) a lot of damning details in the testimony but my favorite part was when sondland talked about just how much the president of ukraine was willing to help trump. >> i heard president trump then clarify ambassador sondland was in ukraine. ambassador sondland replied, yes, he was in ukraine, went on to state president zelensky loves your ass -- >> trevor: oh, okay, zelensky

loves trump's ass. a few days ago fox news was saying impeachment wasn't sexy enough, now we've got ass play. ( laughter ) with this information, wednesday's public hearing with gordon sondland is bound to be amazing because they're going to have to ask him about this in the hearings. it would be, like, mr. sondland was zelensky like trump's ass? that's correct, he likes big butts and i cannot lie to congress. ( laughter ) all makes sense. we thought trump's leverage over ukraine was military aid. turns out it's that ass. maybe trump was getting cosmetic surgery in the hospital to convince zelensky to give him dirt on joe biden. we'll be right back. ( applause ) why do yo stick with a bank that treats you like this?

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the capitol hasn't been this stressed out sips aliens in-- since aliens insided them in every movie. right now while democrats are pushing ahead on impeachment, republicans are scrambling for ways to defend trump and they are trying everything. >> this phony whistleblower is giving hearsay evidence. >> none of those witnesses have ever met donald trump. >> when you find out who the whistleblower is, i'm confident you will find out it's somebody from the deep state. >> this could be a coup. it's crazy. >> there is no quid pro quo. >> you can't have a quid pro quo with no quo. >> i have news for everybody, get over it. there's going to be political influence in foreign policy. >> if there was a quid pro quo, it certainly wasn't a very effective one. >> there is no pro quo. ( laughter ) >> trevor: that's right, folks, there is no pro quo! ( laughter ) now, let's abandon impeachment and come together under the motto of our great nation, epubic union! ( audience reacts ) so in the space of six weeks,

the excuses have arranged from it's hearsay to there was no quid pro quo, all the way to there was quid pro quo, but who cares, trump was just jokingics all the way to the administration is too dumb to commit a crime. every excuse. we're a week away from them pulling out the evil twin brother defense. it wasn't doubled. it was his evil twin ronald. bad ronald! how could you! how could you! ( applause ) you know what republicans need? republicans need us one serviceo provide them with the best excuses, like a blue apron but for lies. we decided to make them one. >> as a professional trump defender, i used to struggle to stay on top to have the latest talking points. >> you're not listening. look, you can't impeach when there was no quid pro quo. >> the chief of staff just said there was a quid pro quo. >> uh... but those days are over, thanks

to trump club. trump club is a new subscription service that sends you the latest defenses for the president's behavior, so you will always be prepared with the freshest and most convincing excuse, even if it's a steaming pile of mindless dog shit. of course, the president demanded a quid pro quo. when the founders set up our government, they intended our leaders to exchange foreign aid for research against their political opponent. >> okay. that's an excellent point. that makes a lot of sense. >> signing up is easy and you can customize your excuses to the type of trump supporter you are. once you joined, trump club will send you the latest excuses as fast as the president changes them. >> congressman, congressman -- >> when the president asked china to meddle in the u.s. elections, it was joking. the president was not joking because china has as much right to vote for the president as americans do. actually, the real chinese agent is nancy pelosi, because she is

distracting -- look, the fact is none of you can even prove china exists. >> that's true, i read that somewhere. >> trevor: thanks, trump club. >> sign up today and gil include the trump go bag. if the president is found guilty and your professional reputation is ruined, this kit has everything you will need for a fresh start. mitch mcconnell, no, senior, my name is enrique trump. trump, defend at the speed of trump. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: we'll be right back.

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so, my wife kat and i took action. we started a non-profit community bank with a simple theory - give people a fair deal and real economic power. invest in the community, in businesses owned by women and people of color, in affordable housing. the difference between words and actions matters. that's a lesson politicians in washington could use right now. i'm tom steyer, and i approve this message. awwww yeah. that's the stuff. no really. those are the actual ingredients. ♪ funky rock track tostitos. [crunch] get to the good stuff.

( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a billionaire invest, a philanthropist and liberal activist who is running for president of the united states. please welcome tom steyer! ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: thank you for being here. ( cheers and applause ) welcome to the show! >> thank you very much! >> trevor: and welcome to the democratic primaries. as a billionaire, your net worth

is public, so you're worth $1.6 billion, reportedly. bloomberg is considering entering the race, and i see here he is worth an estimated 52 billion. does that make you feel broke? ( laughter ) >> what i've said is, if mr. bloomberg wants to be the democratic representative in the presidential election, then he should do what i did a year ago, which is to say we need a wealth tax to overcome some of the inequity that's grown in this country over the last four decades. if he wants to represent the democrats in this country -- ( cheers and applause ) -- he's got to step up to the reality of what's been happening in this country and be on the right side. >> trevor: so are you saying that you would be for an idea like elizabeth warren has been proposing? in fact, you proposed it earlier than everyone. you spoke about a wealth tax. >> over a year ago. >> trevor: right, over a year ago. you said that the wealthiest americans should get taxed on

their wealth. there are many people who might say, tom, that's unfair. if i paid taxes on something, how can you tax me on my wealth? how is that fair to americans who believe in saving money? >> we've seen over the last 40 years that the income has done disproportionately, overwhelmingly to the richest americans and biggest corporations and worse when it comes to assets. so there has been a reallocation of wealth in this society that's been dramatic and unnoted for 40 years. a wealth tax is some way to address part of that to say this inequity is completely unfair, unacceptable, unjust, undemocratic and we need to address it and get back to the idea it's one country, when everybody goes up, everybody goes up, not just the people at the top. >> trevor: let me ask you this, then -- as a billionaire who has, i think, you know, been referred to as the single highest donor when it comes to democratic and liberal causes, why do you think it's best for you to run for president, then?

some have said, tom, why not use your money to get progressive candidates in? why don't you back the people? because you have so much money, you can help get big money out of politics. why not run yourself? >> it's not an either or, trevor. i started one of the largest grassroots organizations in the united states. that's gen america. we went into 38 congressional districts, we specifically tried to engage and turn out people under 35. we more than doubled the turnout in those districts from four years before, and 33 of them flipped to democratic. ( cheers and applause ) we're still doing that. my point is it's not an either/or. next gen america, i'm not running it, but it keeps going. i have a partnership with seven national labor unions to go door to door. we hit 15 million doors together

in 2016, we hit 10 million doors together last year. that goes on. i'm not running it, but, you know, people who say why don't you keep doing that, i am. as far as i'm concerned, the key in this race is who can tell the truth about america, who can tell the important, differential truth and be trusted to make it happen? that is honestly why i'm running. that's why i got into the race in the first place because i felt like nobody's leveling with the american people about where we really are. >> trevor: where do you think america really is? >> i think two things. one, i think this government is broken. >> trevor: in what way? >> it's been purchased by corporations. it isn't succeeding at all. it isn't even trying to serve the american people. if we want to get back to government of, by and for the people, we're going to have to take it back from the corporations, we're going to have to break their strangle hold on the government ( cheers and applause ) that's what i believe. >> trevor: are you talking about lobbying, specifically, here? >> money, lobbying. i'll give you an example of something where, look, people

don't think about this in terms of corporationos but we've head gun violence in this country off the charts. almost every day we see a mass shooting. we also see domestic violence with guns, neighborhoods people are scared to walk down the streets and 60% of gun-related deaths are suicides. over 90% of americans have wanted mandatory background checks on every gun purchase for a long time. democrats, republicans and independents. over 90%, and we've never gotten it, and the reason is the n.r.a. is controlled by the gun manufacturers, and they won't let it happen. the american people are not being served. the corporations in every one of these cases, it's perfect for the corporations. and the question is how are we going to get back that government, who can you trust to really take them on? look, i have been taking them on and beating them in coalition with ordinary american citizens, for a decade. they're not that smart. ( laughter ) i mean it!

we can beat them! but the question is, who's going to do it? is it going to be an outsider like me who has been taking them on, beating them in coalition and building grassroots democracy, or someone inside the beltway? i'm talking about a 12-year term limit for every congress person and senator. there's no one running for president who will even discuss that. >> trevor: a man on a mission. thank you so much for being on the show. >> thank you vor having me. >> trevor: tom steyer, everybody. we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ (paul) switch to sprint and get the new iphones

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. here it is... your moment of zen. >> unlike some of the folks in washington, d.c., i'm talking about the cultured cosmopolitan

goats milk latte drinking, avocado toast eating insiders elite! ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ( cheers and applause ) by comedy central by w david spade! (cheers and applause). >> spade: hey, how are you? hi! whooo! oh yeah. yeah. good to see you. welcome, everybody. have a seat, thankñi you. this show tonight we've got anna, we've got jeff and guy. look at