i think a group of us for a key party! ♪ whoo-hoo ♪ we're gonna have a key party ♪ - oh, boy. - ♪ with you - yeah, we had one last week. you missed it. we had one last week, and you missed it. ♪ i got my wife, her girlfriend ♪ ♪ a friend of my priest ♪ i got my uncle, his nephew ♪ ♪ his nephew is me [receiver clicks] ♪ for a key party ♪ whoo-hoo - one month later. [line trilling] - hey, i'm stuck outside my house. - is this--are you gonna have a key party? - ♪ i'm gonna have a key party ♪ ♪ whoo-hoo ♪ yeah - yay! it's time for a key party! - what's going on, guys? - hey, i doing really good. how about yourself? - i'm doing pretty good. can i get a ♪ whoo-hoo - ♪ whoo-hoo - all right! - we're doing a key party! - ♪ i got my cousins and my mom ♪ ♪ and some food on the table ♪ and she's coming with her friends ♪ ♪ and we're all gonna have a great time together ♪

♪ whoo-hoo my mom doesn't participate in it. she just likes to be there 'cause it's a lot of the same friends. we all hang out together. it's pretty fun. anyways, can i get into my house? it'd be great if you could come by. ♪ whoo-hoo [receiver clicks] ♪ - the end. ♪ - ♪ whoo-hoo >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in and thank you for coming out! so good to see you all! >> i'm trevor noah! our guest tonight is one of the

most talented people alive, the creator of "hamilton" and a star of "his dark materials" on hobb, lin-manuel miranda is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) so exciting. also on tonight's show, the return of colin kaepernick, why superbugs are all going to kill us and the ongoing inquiry into the biggest political scandal of all time andeth not impeachment. so let's catch up on today's headlines. let's kick it off with the alarming medical news that has scientists tarped world freaking the ( bleep ) out. >> the c.d.c. says superbugs that resist antibiotics has killed nearly twice as many people as we thought, and at the rate the infections are growing, today's medicines could become useless. the c.d.c. says drug resistant infections kill more than 35,000 people a year, the equivalent of about one person every 15 minutes. >> the danger isn't the antibiotics but rather the

superbugs that evolve to resist the antibiotics used by farms and those drugs used at farms enter the food supply. >> we're at the beginning of a catastrophe. even a simple cut could have a deadly staff infection. >> trevor: you're not serious! bacteria can now resist all our antibiotics? i'm a fan of resistance but these bugs are taking it too far. this shit is going crazy! you realize -- you realize we're really going to go back to the old days when you could die from something stupid like a tiny cut. it will be like in the 1700s, you get a paper cut and everybody will be like, well, that's that, i better get my affairs in order. that's how you knew you were dying in the old days, when they told you to get your affairs in the order. i never understood getting your affairs in order. if i have a week to live, i'm

not doing paperwork. i'm dying, i'm living my life. living people have 80 years to spend their lives organizing filing cabinets. i'll have two shoes on, a bunch of shredded documents around me, let my family figure out where my shit is. if they can find it, they can have it. i'm not getting my affairs in order. ly make sure i have a good last tweet. you don't want them observe to y this -- that does not look good at a memorial. speaking of the super resistance, let's move on to the protests in hong kong, the movement may have started as a silent street march but now has turned into an all-out war. >> hundreds of protesters are trapped in a tense standoff with riot police in hong kong tonight after violence erupted in the streets there. >> this was the scene at hong kong's polytechnic monday. barricades made of bricks, metal and other debris blocked

entrances to one to have the city's top schools. with hundreds of police dressed in riot gear positioned outside. the protesters fought for control, using sling shots, bricks, molotov cocktails, even a bow and arrow. here a police vehicle is seen attempting to cross protest lines but demonstrators repelled the moving truck with molotov cocktails, causing it to ignite and forcing it to retreat. the driver survived and the fire was extinguished. >> trevor: oh, shit! that was insane! i love how everyone has a plan till you set their shit on fire, then it's back up, back up, back up! it's how funny fire does that to humans, we're so fire and sophisticated but fire turns us into apes. i don't care how fancy you are. you could be giving a ted talks. yes, the ethics of transhumannism must transcend -- oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

( laughter ) i will say it is really amazing that the people of hong kong are still protesting this intensely after nearly six months. that's commitment. i haven't seen that much commitment since farrell decided he was going to be the hat guy. trump is always coming up with something new to protest, so it's hard for people to focus. one person says stop corruption! someone says i thought we were here for kids in cages. actually, i'm here for ukraine. i'm here to resist antibiotics. i'm the superbugs! ( laughter ) that's it for the headlines. let's move on to the top story. ( cheers and applause ) today was another day of the public impeachment hearings in the capitol, and what made today special was that it was the first day we heard from the witnesses who were actually on that infamous ukraine call.

you know, to be honest, this makes me feel bad for trump. the poor guy is trying to do something shady and people keep listening in on him. like our morms did in the land line days. trump is probably in the white house going, get off the line! i'm trying to get dirt on joe biden! ( laughter ) while the impeachment train rolled on, there's an even bigger scandal rocking d.c. today and just a warning, if you have small children at home, you should probably bring them over to the tv to watch this. >> our congressman says he was not responsible for a noise heard during this interview. >> i've counted at least five people testifying this week who were on the phone listening to the president talk about this swap of dirt for u.s. military aid. >> chris, so far, the evidence is uncontradicted that the president used taxpayer dollars to ask the ukrainians to help him cheat -- ( expelling gas )

>> -- in an election. ( laughter ) >> trevor: okay, that was embarrassing. that was a fart on live tv. and it was a loud fart, too. that thing was so loud, i bet someone made a noise complaining. someone says, hello, 911, i think there's been a wet shooting? just so we agree it's a fart play it once more. >> the president used taxpayer dollars to ask the ukrainians to help him cheat -- ( expelling gas ) -- in an election. >> trevor: that was unmistakably a giant fart. sounded like a game show contestant got something wrong inside eric swalwell's ass. we don't know if it was congressman swalwell. it could have been chris matthews. this has been the violent argument everyone's talking about online. who let it rip? this clip got so big that the two main suspects have actually

had to come out and address it publicly. >> swalwell said he didn't do it and even the hard ball twitter account for msnbc says it wasn't him and instead blames a mug scraping across the desk. the congressman shared the tweet came anything all caps, total exoneration! seeming to take the whole thing in good spirits because that's embarsing. >> trevor: that's hilarious, total exoneration. a good joke by swalwell but it's not fair to bring trump into this. he's the one person who would try to own a giant fart. he would be, like, that's right, i farted and it was the biggest, most beloved fart of all time! you know obama could never fart like this, he tried but he couldn't get it done, folks, couldn't do it! ( laughter ) so for more on this floo flatult scandal, we're joined by our d.c. correspondent, desi lydic,

everybody! ( cheers and applause ) desi, you're there in the capitol building at the scene of the crime. what can you tell us? >> yeah, trevor, the air is thick with speculation. ( laughter ) intrigue and obviously farts. ( laughter ) it's clear the impeachment proceedings have put eric swalwell under an enormous amount of pressure, and yesterday on msnbc, that pressure was finally released. ( laughter ) >> trevor: but desi, msnbc claims the sound came from a mug. >> come on, a mug? that's a pathetic excuse. if mugs made fart noises, coffee shops wouldn't be relaxing. they'd sound like a yoga class in a retirement home. ( laughter ) >> trevor: good point. how do you know it wasn't chris matthews who farted? >> because, trevor, the forensic evidence doesn't lie. didn'ted you see swalwell's shoulders rise during the fart? he's like a dog sensing an earthquake right before the moment hits. ( laughter ) and swalwell's quick denial is the biggest tell of all.

might i remind you, trevor, that the law says he who denied it supplied it. ( laughter ) it's right there in the constitution. >> trevor: desi, normally that would convince me, but -- but a bunch of old clips have been resurfacing online today because to have the story, and they show that this isn't the first time a fart has happened on chris matthews' show, all right? listen carefully to this clip from september, and these are absolutely real. >> what's the penalty for this kind of case? >> so that really depends on how it's ultimately structured, if they were able to some -- ( fart sound ) >> -- tax charge here. >> trevor: well, desi? >> yeah, okay, trevor, i did hear something, but, i don't know, maybe chris matthews was wearing leather pants. >> trevor: seems to happen a lot, though, desi. here's another clip from his show in december. >> the president directed that

activity, according to this memorandum today. ken? >> yes, chris, and, in fact, you know, michael cohen already stood up in court and said that when he pleaded guilty to please theedz charges -- ( fart sound ) -- in the southern district of new york. >> trevor: you heard that, right? >> but really that could have been anything. for all we know rachel was practicing the trumpet down the hall and chris wasn't on camera when it happened so that proves nothing. >> trevor: what about this one. >> give me the skinny here, can we get a clean -- ( fart sound ) >> -- honest election tomorrow. >> trevor: desi, that was him, he spoke, the sound, th and then the pause. did what babies do when they poop, wawawawa -- paws wawawawa.

>> the only thing this proves is you have been googling chris matthews' farts all day. >> trevor: why can't you admit he's a one-man fart factory? >> okay, i'll tell you why, trevor, because even though this might be a silly story to you, there's a real war on truth happening right now in americas and we journalists are the ones fighting on the front lines to defend all the institutions we hold dear! in the words of edward r. murrow, to be persuasive, we must be be believable. to be believable, we must be credible, and to be credible, we -- ( very long fart sound ) ( laughter ) >> -- uh -- >> trevor: desi -- >> mm-hmm. >> trevor: was that a -- ( fart sound )

( desi clearing throat ) >> sorry, i was moving my mug around. just -- >> trevor: desi lydic, everyone. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ awwww yeah. that's the stuff. no really. those are the actual ingredients. ♪ funky rock track tostitos. [crunch] get to the good stuff.

♪ ♪ ♪ it's the kay black friday event. save up to 60% on black friday specials like this three-piece diamond set, under one-hundred dollars or this diamond ring, under two-thousand dollars every best gift ever... begins with kay. look, it's just like when i tell people abbe confident.th geico. stand up straight. and speak with purpose. yeah? go on, give it a practice run. kelsey. kelsey. marriage?

oh. okay. look maybe you should just show her this beautiful helzberg diamond ring? that's a better idea. yeah, maybe not in the bathroom. oooh! oh my word! geico. it's easy to switch and save. ♪ not much, how about you? >>are you answering my text in person? i am...yeah. >>lol. come on in. this is tech that helps you be there. the nissan altima. now offering the most tech-advanced engine in its class. look what we did! we made it thin. how is this possible, you ask? it's not. but we gone done it anyway. reese's thins.

not sorry. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." ( cheers and applause ) we are now more than halfway through the football season and things are really heating up which means it's time for another edition of i apologize for talking when you were talking. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> whoa! what's up, football junkies? i'm michael kosta. that's roy wood, jr., and as they say, we're ready to jam the sweet sports up your veins. >> that's not a thing you should say on tv but, yes, we do have a lot to talk about, kosta. when you hear the word football what comes to mind? >> friday nights in high school, the crowd cheering my name, me dropping passes, the crowd booing my name, my dad yelling at me. me having to run home next to the car, please, dad, don't take the highway! ( laughter ) >> that is also a thing you shouldn't say on tv. when i hear football, i think

about gladiators attacking each other with brute force. >> yep. >> in one of last week's games, the cleveland browns took brute force to a whole new level. >> yep. >> now that disturbing and dangerous fight at the end of the browns-steelers game last night a hit with a helmet giving a football superstar a big penalty. >> a late sack on mason rudolph turning into a brawl. garrett ripped off rudolph's helmet, then violently swung it. >> oh, gosh! >> i mean, this is multiple game suspension here. >> and tonight there are, garrett is out possibly through the end of the season, possibly longer. >> whoa, whoa, whoa! >> this is the worst thing a football player has ever done. >> roy, didn't -- didn't o.j. play football? >> this is the second worst thing a football player has ever done! ( laughter ) second worst. >> look, i get that that was bad, but, come on, he got hit with a helmet. in football, you're always getting hit with helmets in practice, during games, at the

dinner table when your dad doesn't think you passed the salt fast enough. >> you need to see a therapist, man, but, look, i do think if you get hit in the head with your helmet, then you should get suspended for being a bitch-ass loser. >> yeah. >> like a mall cop getting run over by his own segue. >> isn't it sad how the biggest athletes in the world are swinging it out and the only thing refs can do is throw a little yellow flag? i've said it before and it's an unpopular opinion, but this is why the refs need guns. ( laughter ) >> that is a terrible idea! so the cleveland browns player has been suspended indefinitely, but an old player may be back in. >> colin kaepernick, back since he was out since 2016 for not bending the knee. he shows scouts he's still in

game shape and ready to make the return. >> i have been ready for three years. i have been denied for three years. we all know why i came out here and showed it tuned in front of everybody. >> wow, this is amazing. colin kaepernick held a training session to show the n.f.l. he's still got it. he's been gone three years. >> in that time, he could have graduated law school and been kneeling in courtrooms by now. ( laughter ) here's the thing i really find most impressive is kaepernick only had four days to get ready, four days. if the league calls me to try out, i'd need about four months. >> uh, roy -- uh -- they're not going to call, okay? final story, while colin is trying to get love, police at university of florida are getting a little too much love. most teams have traditions before chant, touch a lucky statute or in the case of the university of florida football game kiss the coach's waif and not everyone is comfortable with that. >> this video is lighting up

social media, shows the head coach's wife kissing players at the university of florida football game. it's a game tradition. megan mullin looks the young man square in the eyes, offers a few words of encouragement and kisses them on the cheek. some calls it gross and disrespectful. >> if this was a man doing it, this would be on cnn, msnbc. >> this is embarrassing, the coach's wife getting handsy with the players on the team look how she's examining them, poking, prodding them, like a deleted scene from get out. >> but kosta, you're overreacting. what's happening is good old fashioned southern hospitality. i'm from the south, that's what we do, baby! >> just because it's from the south doesn't make it right. you guys also did slavery. >> excuse me! you did slavery? are you sure about that? >> i was there isn't, but you're the one from the south so maybe

you should apologize! ( laughter ) all i was saying is i don't think it's appropriate for her to be feeling up the players like that. you know, you're telling me you wouldn't get mad if i kissed your wife? >> why would i get mad? i kissed your last week. >> whoa! whoa! that was a joke, right? that was a joke? >> well, that's all the time we have! he's michael kosta, i'm roy wood, jr.! back to you, trevor! ( arguing ) >> trevor: michael kosta and roy wood, jr., everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ hey, need a laptop that boots up as fast as 6 seconds when you're running late? shhhh. [whispering] it's switching time. ♪ how about a battery that lasts up to 12 hours? [bell rings] order up! ♪ now we're cooking. or how about one with virus protection built in? which... would be helpful... right... about... now...

yeah, if you want all that, switch to chromebook. ♪ lights, ornaments, chand lil choo choo trains..

c'mon. the best trees, they kinda only need two things. peanut butter and chocolate. not sorry. reese's. olay's new retinol24 faced the competition and rose above. you've never tried a retinol like this. olay's retinol24 complex hydrates better than the #1 retinol. visibly smoother brighter skin in 24 hours. a skin upgrade? crushed it. new olay retinol24. face anything.olay. and also available in retinol serum and retinol eye cream.

when i think of what my imagination looks like... i mean, wow. [laughs] ♪ the surface is a tool that helps me realize beautiful ideas. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight san award-winning composure, lyricist and actor who created two hit broadway musicals "in the heights" and "hamilton." he now stars in the new hobb series "his dark materials."

>> zamra means as much to him as hhestra does to me. >> zomra is like his demon. >> his soul is in the metal. he has it well hidden. i might be outgunned in this town but i have craft of my own to understand. if i can't win yorka's freedom, then where did she go? she's quick. and she stole my bacon. >> trevor: please welcome lin-manuel miranda! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you! >> trevor: congratulations on yet another successful profnlgt does it ever get tiring? >> i don't know.

uh, i'm tired a lot because i work too hard. >> trevor: you're doing extremely. we you've always been a talented individual, but it feels like hard work and talent is paying off in everything you're dining. how much is it a huge success that people are still right get tickets all the time for the show, and now you're in a world where you're branching into acting, we see you in movies and creating a new show here, "his dark materials." i love the books. >> yeah, i love the books. >> trevor: i love the books and i'm waiting for someone to go in and tell the story. are you a fan of the books as well? >> huge fan of the books. so surreal and rich and gorgeous. i never in a million years thought that i would get to live into that, to dive into your favorite book and play a part is, like, very surreal. the fun is they have these amazing puppeteers to play the demons. so we were not acting with tennis balls. >> trevor: so you actually -- >> i had a rabbitt. there was a puppet of a rabbitt and i talked to her and she was great and my buddy.

every two person scene is a four-person scene. you and i would be talking and say mine is like a little rat and he's checking out your demon. >> trevor: what is my demon? >> i don't know, you read the books. who would embody your demon? what would you soul look like in animal form? >> trevor: i would go with a panda bear. ( audience reacts ) yeah. >> can you imagine watching the "the daily show" and there's just a little panda bear that all of a sudden just sits here. >> trevor: that would be pretty dope. it's half black, half white. that's the vibe, you know. ( cheers and applause ) this project has been really cool, and while this is happening, you've got another show you've launched on broadway. >> yeah, we're doing a broadway run of freestyle love supreme which is a hip-hop group i have been in 15 years and that's been the opposing muscle group on all the other projects because it's a completely improvised show. i perform in it twice a week. >> trevor: that's the cool thing about the show. a lot of people don't realize

lin-manuel miranda is on the show. it's getting rave reviews. you pop in and no one knows when. so i heard, like, yesterday for instance, i was talking with someone at the show, and this they were, like, i was having a great time and it was near the end and they were, like, lin didn't come, but it's a great show. then you came out and you said the person peed themselves a little bit because they weren't expecting it. >> that was a funny one because she was a "hamilton" fan and she was freaking out was chris jackson was there, and she was freaking out, and we do a hip-hop version of them. i came out and i think i saw her pee. i think i saw the moment. sort of like the good congressman's fart, sort of like a pause -- ( laughter ) >> trevor: and then a release. >> yes. and that's life here, baby. >> trevor: let me ask you this, you're so good at crafting

material you're so good at writing stories and acting in something that's prepared, opinion prove comes with a completely different muscle. you're freestyling and hip-hopping throughout the show. what do you think you enjoy more on a raw level of this is, like, completely just easy fun? >> i think of it as -- i literally think of it as opposing muscle groups. it took me a year to write my shot with "hamilton," but i went and did -- freestyle is you getting our best first draft in realtime. you're bringing the ingredients, we're like chefs. you give us the words and we kick up whatever we can in the moment and throw it back to you. it strengthens the other thing. >> trevor: do you get bored of people asking you to freestyle in life because let's be honest, you have become the hip-hop guy, and now you have the freestyle show. i feel like everywhere you go people are, like, hi, lin, how are you, it's a coffee mug --

( rapping ) i love coffee and i want to say -- you drink it every day! come on, lin! ( laughter ) be honest with me, how many people do that to you? >> well, only reporters. ( laughter ) my new thing i've done and you could do an amazing super cut on this is my new thing is i will free style if you beat box. you do orders of beat boxing just to get me to freestyle and it's a lot of little white ladies being -- laughing -- pssst -- it's so funny. >> trevor: you've sent me on my next mission. "his dark materials" airs mondays at 9:00 p.m. on hbo. the one and an lin-manuel miranda, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ fast paced hip hop song playing througout ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ thgreat stocking stuffers.ke ♪ but how about right-now-in-your-mouth stuffers. happy holidays to your mouth. not sorry. reese's.

♪ ♪ ♪ when you think about the best times. you weren't bothered some people didn't know the rules. or upset the weather chose today to not cooperate. you weren't concerned your seat ended up being an exercise bike.

and you clearly weren't stressed about the clean up afterwards. because when you've got the good stuff. you can focus on the stuff that really matters tostitos. get to the good stuff. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: well that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. please don't forget, tomorrow night "the daily show" is going live in for the democratic primary debate in atlanta. so make sure to tune in right after the debate. but first here it is, your moment of zen. ( clock ticking ) >> this was developed per conversation with the chief of staff, mr. mick mulvaney, but the connection to the president wasn't clear at that point ( slurping sound ) >> but the import of what mr. sondland said during the meeting -- ( slurping sound ) >> -- was there was an agreement with mick mulvaney --