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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  December 4, 2019 11:00pm-11:35pm PST

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>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody. thank you so much for tuning in. thank you for coming out. thank you so much for coming out. wow, take a seat. take a seat, everybody. wow. you guys are amazing. i feel like i walked out twice. this is fantastic. i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight is the lead singer of alabama shakes and has just been nominated for two grammy awards. brittany howard is on the show tonight. ( cheers and applause ) she is going to perform a song from her new solo album. also on tonight's show: sushi is trying to kill you, your tv is leaking your news, and donald trump is taking his ball and going home. so let's catch up on today's
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headlines. all right, first things first, if you just bought a tray of sushi from a drugstore or a gas station, and you're about to put one of those pieces in your mouth, wait. there's something you need to watch first. >> ready-to-eat, salad and spring rolls with being voluntarily recall over fears of listeria contamination. the fuji food products are sold in 31 states statesin washington, d.c. purpose they were shipped to several different retailers, including trader joe as 7-eleven and walgreens. most have sell-by dates of november 22-december 6. fuji says consumers should throw out any of the food in their possession. >> trevor: okay, now you can put it in your mouth. let's be honest-- if you bought sushi at a drug store, you don't care if it's poison. i mean, health warnings are not for people like you, my friends. like, i'm not surprised that 7-eleven sushi is not top quality. they sell it a 42-ownls cup.
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what did you expect? i don't risk my health on this. like, my rule for sushi is simple: if you can't see the person making it, you should not be eating the sushi. it's the same reason i don't adopt kids. if i wasn't there to see you being born, how do i know you're not just a raccoon in a baby costume. i'm not getting tricked again! i've been fooled once! ( laughter ) i also feel bad for the health department officials who have to enforce this rule, because they're going to go into the convenience store like, i'm afraid your 7-eleven sushi has gone bad." and clerk will be like, "and?" "no, the sushi here could be making people sick?" "your point is?" although i do get why drugstores sell sushi. it makes sense. they have a pharmacy. they're trying to sell more penicillin. yeah. plus it's good in case of laxatives are out of stock. "we're out of ex-lax, but have you tried our spicy crab roll." and, honestly, i admire people who go to drugstores to buy sushi. forget bungee jumping. you guys are the real thrill
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seekers. "i've got a business meeting in 40 minutes and i don't know where the nearest bathroom is. let's do this! yeah!" speaking of sea creatures, this nextistic over the past few years, we've seen images of coral reefs that have been devastated by rising sea temperatures due to climate change. and, unfortunately, half of these delicate ecosystems around the world have already been lost. but now, scientists have come up with a weird new idea for saving them, and it seems to be working. >> in an effort to help save the coral reefs, listen to this. scientists are suggesting a little different approach. a new study shows a little bit of noise coming from underwater speakers was enough to bring dying coral back to life. researchers played recordings from healthy reefs around reefs that were close to dying. well, they found a 50% increase of marine life. >> trevor: another wait what? ( laughter ) they're using sound recordings from healthy parts of the ocean to inspire sick coral to get
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better? that is amazing! imagine if you had a sick relative in the hospital you went in with a recording of all her friends having a expaert that helped her get better. "you have ebola, granny? how about now?" what if it turns out all the other negative side effects of climate change could be solved by something this simple. maybe the way to stop cows from farting is to hang out with another cow they have a crush on. "hey, girl. hey, girl." and i know the idea of playing sounds to help heal the ocean sounds ridiculous, but sound is a really powerful tool. i mean, like, think about this-- in the hospital, every time that machine goes beeeeb! the person dies. ( laughter ) they should take that machine up on the of the hospital. it seems dangerous. but let's move on to an international story. kim jong-un is back in the news again, reminding us all why he got nickname "little rocket man." >> north korea is threatening the u.s. with an unwelcome
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christmas gift. the north october accused the u.s. of stalling nuclear negotiations because of the upcoming presidential elections. the country is giving the u.s. until the end of the year to drop its hostile policy. >> north korea's so-called christmas gift may be a long-range ballistic missile test. that's a weapon capable of reaching american cities. >> trevor: oh, boy! kim jong-un is saying if the united states doesn't do what he wants, then america is going to get an unwelcomed christmas gift. and analysts say that means another big missile launch. but whons? maybe it's a peleton. you don't know, yeah. ( laughter ) which, for president trump, would be even worse. it would be like, "no, why didn't you just blow us up! okay, it's 6:00 a.m., starting day one." ( laughter ) and, by the way, by the way, i know kim jong-un is a horrible dictator who kills his people and threatens the world, but you have to admit, his photos look stung. ( laughter ) they really do. i mean, if they had instagram in north korea, that would get a
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ton of likes. i mean, look at that. the horse looks beautiful. kim jong looks majestic. i genuinely commend that photographer. although i guess when your life depends on take a good photo, you'll take a good photo. kim jong-un is like, "make this a good one." "yes, sir." "make sure i don't like fat." finally, some news about one of this year's hottest holiday gifts, just in time for you to remove it from your wish list. >> a consumer alert from the f.b.i. this morning about the risk of owning a smart tv. the f.b.i. says hackers can use your tv to change channels, send your kids inappropriate videos, or cyber-stalk your home. agents recommend learning what features are on your tv and how to control them, come up with your own unique passwords, and make sure you know how to disable microphones and cameras. the f.b.i. also recommends placing tape over the tv's camera. >> trevor: oh, shit! layof( laughter )
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hackers can now break into your tv and watch you? this is terrifying. no, i would rather have someone leak a sex tape of me than see what i look like when i'm watching tv. ( laughter ) yeah, because, when i'm watching tv alone, that is when i'm at my most gross. ( laughter ) i'm playing with my toes, scratching me belly. sometimes i spill catch up on my shirt. and because i'm lazy i try to suck it out. ( laughter ) hacking your tv? and by the way, are hackers just running out of things to hack now. they started on computers and phones. now they're hacking tvs. what's next, are they going to start hack our smarpt toaster. "ha-ha, trevor liking the level four. let's see if we make the brown level two." and i'm like, "it's not crunchy!" the only good part of the story is when they said the hack cers also change the channel you're watching. that part i actually think is kind of nice because i hate having to find the remote. now i can just be sitting at
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home like, "dimitri, change the channel!" and the hacker will be like, "time for baby yoata. here you go." speaking as someone who is on tv, i think it makes it exciting for me because i could be getting a new bunch of accidental viewers because of the hackers all the time. hey, new friend. ( laughter ) sorry, i know you were probably trying to watch the knicks game, but i think you'll find i'm not that different. i also lose every time i play basketball. ( laughter ) all right, that's it for the headlines. let's move on to our top story. ( cheers and applause ) the nato summit. it's the annual meeting of the world's most powerful alliance. sort of like if the avengers were extremely concerned about steel tariffs. and yesterday, the meeting got off tie rocker start. president trump had a testy exchange with the president of france. he called out canada for not pulling its weight financially. and he demanded that germany not
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pronouncing their "w"s like "v"s. we're make "you made i wienel sound a lot less funny. later in the day it lead to something nobody has seen before-- a bunch of world leaders caught on camera laughing at america's president behind his back. >> breaking overnight air, video that might just drive the president crazy. it appears to show the canadian prime minister, justin trudeau, the president president, emmanuel macron, and british prime minister boris johnson laughing at how the president conducted himself yesterday. watch this.
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>> trevor: man. ( laughter ) that-- that video-- that video is amazing for two reasons. one, it is crazy that we were able to hear a private conversation between major world leaders. like dthey not know this was happening? and, two, when world leaders get together, they're gossipy bitches just like the rest of us. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i thought-- i thought after meetings with trump, world leaders would be like, "okay, we need to go back and draw up a new treaty." instead they're out there like, "what was he wearing?" and the french guy is like, "he can't speak english. i mean, i don't speak english, but he really can't speak english!" it turns out nato is so catty they should get andy cohen to host it. while most thought this video was hilarious, there was one person who did not find it funny. >> we got the president leaving
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a testy nato summit. leaders appear to be mocking him behind the scenes, and that was the last straw, the president responding right in front of the cameras take a look. >> did you see the video of prime minister trudeau talking about you last night? >> well, he's two-faced. >> the president was scheduled to have a press conference before he left, but during that bilateral meeting, after he was asked about this video that's going viral of trudeau that we played for you, the president said, well, i don't think i'm going to have the press conference now. i think after my bilateral meetings, i'll just get on the plane and head back home." >> trevor: yeah, in response to what happened, trump called trudeau two-faced and announced that he was leaving the summit early. and you know what, you know what? to be fair, trump's not wrong. justin trudeau is two-faced. he's got a white one and a brown one. and as for him going home, as for trump going home early,
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guys, i think they hurt his feelings. ( laughter ) yeah, it's like trump was at a sleepover and all the other kids turned on him, you know. and now he's just there like, "mom, i know it's a day early, but can you come pick me up from nato?" ( laughter ) and, look, i know a lot of people don't like trump, but i don't care who you are, man, every single one of us knows this feeling, finding out all the cool kids at school are laughing at you. ( laughter ) you run home all the way crying. you know when you're a kid and you cry you run with your arms dangling by your side. aaahhh-hhhaaa-aaaaaa-haah. ( laughter ) and for the trump the most hurtful thing is probably the fact that boris johnson joined in. that's a shitty thing. that's shitty, boris.
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that's a shitty move, boris. that's your friend! you know who boris is? boris is that one kid you think is your real friend, and then you see him over there trying to fit in with everyone else telling them your deepest secrets. "and, also, donald told me he still pees the bed." "i told that to you in confidence, boris." ( laughter ) so shitty. so president trump was clearly hurt by what happened and decided to head home early. but before he left, before he best left, he tried to get back at all these other dudes by making new friends. >> president trump has lunch with a select group of nato nations, what president trump calls the "two-percenters." that's a group of eight other nato nations who are spending 2% of their g.d.p. on defense. they include bulgaria, greece, britain, estonia, romania, lithuania, latvia, and poland. >> trevor: okay, this is just embarrassing now. trump's rolling with romania, lithuania, and latvia because of what happened? it's almost like the popular
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kids dropped him, and now he's eating lunch at the loser table. they're probably really nice. "don't be sad, donald. you can have some of my horse tongue. it's boiled and pickled!" "get away." ( laughter ) so look, man, clearly, nato did not go well for donald trump. and i'll be honest. i don't blame the donald for flying home early. mr. president, you shouldn't be in a place where people are going to laugh at you behind your back. you get on air force one and you fly straight back home, where we promise that we will laugh at you to your face. ( cheers and applause ) we'll be right back. i've been working on cars my whole life,
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and that has an effect on how i work today. i've been trained to notice things that most human eyes don't see. i treat every car i work on like it's my own,
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and take so much pride in what i do. we sign off, so you can sign on. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a grammy award-winning musician. you know here from alabama shakes. her debut solo album is called "jaime." please welcome brittany howard. ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome, welcome. welcome to the show. >> thank you for having me.
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>> trevor: it is truly such a great honor to you have here, not just because i'm a fan of your music. because i'm a fan of how much people are a fan of your music, which sounds like a weird thing. but i always love artists that just get people excited wherever they go. have you ever-- have you ever wonder idea people love everything you do, just beyond the music? >> well, i like to think i'm just who i am. i'm not putting on any false pretense, and i'm coming up here and just trying to make people feel more comfortable about being who they are and to embrace that. and i feel like that's kind of the best thing i can do right now at this moment in time. >> trevor: is just be yourself. >> just be myself. ( applause ) thank you! >> trevor: and being yourself has been really good, you know. you have-- you have a bunch of grammys with alabama shakes, and now, with your debut solo album, two grammy nominations. congratulations. >> thank you. ( applause ) >> thank you, thank you. it's been wild. it's been a wild ride. you know, i used to work for the post office.
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i used to work for cracker-barrel. i used to work for shoney's-- i don't know if you know what that is. i had so many jobs, but in the back of my mind, i will always do music. and i will always love music, and this might be the best i get for now. but i still got that dream. and being here on this show. this is the first time i've ever spoken on this show. ( cheers and applause ) that's wild. that's wild. having grammys, that's wild. >> trevor: it is wild. >> it's crazy. >> trevor: you've been on a wild journey, and it is a scary step to take, because, you know, alabama shakes is really successful. you're headlining festivals and, you know, you're selling out smash concerts. and then you go out and create a solo album, which is a terrifying stage for any musician to take in their career, you know, to move to that next stage. the stories that you writes. and the music and the songs. and what you're talking about is
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truly one of the most personal experiences i've heard in songs that you've been on. you know, for instance, the song "goat head," is a story of your mom and dad and how, as an inter-racial couple, people did not want them to exist. can you tell the audience what "goat head" is inspired by? >> yeah, "goat head" is a story-- this song started as a story that my mother told me when i was around 14 years old. i grew up, and i was very lucky to have the ignorance that my mother's white, my father's black, and we all get along, for the most part, and we love each other. and i thought that was going to be my experience in the world. when i got a little bit older, my mom was like, "no, no, no. it was not easy." my mom told me this story about sleeping in her apartment and my father coming to visit, and when he woke up the next morning to go to work, his car, the windshield was bashed in, and the tires were slashed and slurs written on the car. and in the back seat was a goat's head. and they basically were saying, "stop this now. stop this love that you guys share."
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and that was hard to hear. and it's always been in the back of my mind. and it's always been there. and once i wrote this song, i had a chance to release it, you know. and i think telling my parents' story, even if it's not my story, i think it's doing them some good, too, just to say, "this happened. this was wrong, and this is what happened, and i think other people need to hear about this." >> it's a beautiful record. i can genuinely see why it was nom naiptd everybody who listened to it loved it, including myself. one part that touched me, the title of the album is "jaime." >> yes. >> trevor: why did you call the album "jaime"? >> yeah, uhm, i had a sister, you know, older sister. and she passed away when i was nine, and she was 13 years old. she had a really rare type of cancer. it's called retinoblastoma. and i lost her at a young age.
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and she taught me everything about being creative and using my imagination, because when i was growing up, we didn't have a lot of money. we didn't have a lot of video games and all this stuff. it was just us outside. and my sister would say, "well, you can write a song. you can have a good time." or "we can go play in this creek." or "we can go find snakes." you know, i grew up in alabama, so we went in the creek, looking for snapping turtles. but she taught me how to use my mind to create world that i wanted. and so when it came time for me to make a record like this, this record is so much of my world and so much of how i feel, that it was only appropriate to say, like, "thank you," and put her name on it. ( applause ) >> trevor: congratulations. again, and again and again and again. i'm so excited that you're going to be performing on the show later. tickets for her spring tour go on sale december 6. and "jaime" is available now. stay tuned. brittany howard after the break performing on the show. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) donald trump failed as a businessman.
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he borrowed billions and left a trail of bankruptcy and broken promises. he hasn't changed. i started a tiny investment business, and over 27 years, grew it successfully to 36 billion dollars. i'm tom steyer and i approve this message. i'm running for president because unlike other candidates, i can go head to head with donald trump on the economy, and expose him fo what he is: a fraud and a failure. [explosiahhh!gunfire] what? unlock 2xp with mountain dew and call of duty® modern warfare. i can't believe it. that sophie opened up a wormhole through time? (speaking japanese) where am i?
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(woman speaking french) are you crazy/nuts? cyclist: pip! pip! (woman speaking french) i'm here, look at me. it's completely your fault. (man speaking french) ok? it's me. it's my fault? no, i can't believe how easy it was to save hundreds of dollars on my car insurance with geico. (pterodactyl screech) believe it. geico could save you 15% or more on car insurance. lights, ornaments, chand lil choo choo trains.. c'mon. the best trees, they kinda only need two things. peanut butter and chocolate. not sorry. reese's. we stuffed a garlic knot... then stuffed it on our delicious, hand-tossed pizza. the stuffed garlic knots pizza from pizza hut. order your mighty large pizza lined with 16 cheese-filled knots before they're gone. no one outpizzas the hut.
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have you ever worked with dr. francis? oh yeah, he's ok. just ok? guess who just got reinstated! well, not officially. nervous? yeah. yeah me too. don't worry about it, we'll figure it out. i'll see ya in there! just ok is not ok. at&t has america's best network, now with our best plans, at our best prices, starting at $35 a line for 4 lines. new from at&t.
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♪ not much, how about you? >>are you answering my text in person? i am...yeah. >>lol. come on in. this is tech that helps you be there. the nissan altima. now offering the most tech-advanced engine in its class. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." now to perform "short and sweet" from her album "jaime," please
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welcome brittany howard." ♪ there are miles between us time between us there is something between us ♪ i may be a fool to dream of you ♪ but, god, it feels so good to dream at all ♪ something short and sweet there's always a light on my head for you
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♪ i am waiting i am waiting ♪ time's always trying to kill me ♪ there are mountains between us there is time between us ♪ oh, ain't there something between us? something short and sweet ♪ i don't care if i should do you wanna hurt me? cuz i've been hurting all alone
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♪ it didn't kill me, no, but it wasn't no fun ♪ but come and get you some just the beginning i only want the beginning ♪ we'll give each other all of our best and then ♪ time can do what it wants with it ♪ there are mountains between us there is time between us ♪ oh, ain't there something between us? something short and sweet
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♪ so, why can't i wait? why can't i wait? ♪ why can't i think? why can't i wake without you always appearing? ♪ oh, i better not wait too long because time is gonna kill it ♪ time is gonna kill it time is gonna kill it time is gonna kill it ♪
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( cheers and applause ) we ordered 10,000 units. that sounds good. pretty cool, huh? they're speaking to mom in japanese, and mom hears them in english. ♪
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can you understand me? yes, i can understand you. okay. i have a lot of questions. how do you guys fly? what does santa do in the summer? is mrs. claus a good cook? do you guys get presents? can you roller skate or ice skate? ♪
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♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: well, that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. we'll be back again tomorrow, but first, here it is, your moment of zen. ♪ ♪ ( laughing ) captioning sponsored by comedy central captioning sponsored by comedy central
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[applause and cheering] ♪ >> announcer: and now, david spade! [applause and cheering] ♪ >> david: hi! hey! [applause and cheering] >> david: all right, guys! all right. sit right down. welcome, everybody. on the show tonight we've got andrea, brent, and adam. these guys. thank you! thanks for coming. [applause and cheering] >> david: you know, today is national dice day. oh! [laughter] >> victory, victory, you get it. >> david: that's dice. the next thing is terrible, disney does not have enough baby yodas for the holiday season. >> oh. >> david: they said to meet demand, they'll be painting sweat shop workers green. feels like a short-term solution.

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