and give the boys the sword on-line. i don't have a world of warcraft account, do you ! no, i have a life ! give me the sword. you ? i have a warcraft character. i'm a newb, but i can log on and get the sword to stan on-line. we can't trust the sword of a thousand truths to a newb ! sounds to me like we don't have a choice. give me the sword. ahhhh... come on, we've got to get to a computer that works ! where's your car ? we took a cab here ! dammit, mine's in the shop ! hey, help, stop ! please, it's an emergency ! ughn ! come on ! nelson... nelson ! i need to come over and use your computer ! no, i need to play world of warcraft ! nelson ? ( chips crunching ) all right, major stone shield potions should be--

oh god, i'm gonna have diarrhea again. urhggh... you can't go to the bathroom, your stacking sundor armor. it's okay. mom, bathroom ! what, hon ? bathroom ! bathroom ! ohh, that's a big boy, isn't he ? all right, kenny, drink your elixir of the mongoose, i am now going to use mocking blow... world of warcraft, i need to play ! our demo is set up right over by the-- agh ! got to... sign in... character name... all right, i'm in ! dude, i'm almost dead. kyle, cast arcane missiles ! i'm out of mana, i told you ! i've got to heal ! stan ! dad, not now ! stan, i've been sent here to bring you this...

this sword can completely drain his mana ! dad, how did you get that ? no time, just take it ! here ! how-- how do you hand something from one player to another ? bring up your inventory screen, control-i ! okay... stan, what the hell are you doing ? i got it ! aaghgh ! dad ! stannn... dad, no ! you killed my father... aagh ! ughh ! his shield and armor spells are down ! attack ! looks like you're about to get pwned. rarhghgh ! dad, dad ? stann... i've never been able to say this before but...

i love you, son. i know you do, dad. arghgh, arhghggh.... arghgh... arhghgh... they did it ! our world is saved ! they did it, they killed him ! they did it ! they killed him ! we can come out ! all right ! yes ! all right ! yeah ! all right. woo hoo. yeah. we did it, you guys, we're totally heroes. that was such uber-pwnage. i can't believe it's all over. what do we do now ? what do you mean ? now we can finally play the game. oh, yeah. okay, kenny, add eyes of the beast to your hotbar. stan, check your fury talents to boost your shouts... got it. captioning made possible by comedy central captioned by soundwriters™ world news headquarters in new york, "the daily show" with trevor noah presents

votegasm2020, worst holiday special ever! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ )7&trevor: oh, yeah! welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in and thank you for coming out! thank you all for coming out! take a seat! take açó seat! let's do this! i'm trevor noah! the democratic presidential debate ended just moments ago and we are coming to you live, people! live! ( cheers and applause ) that's right! 100% live, and i'll prove it. i made this guacamole when the debate started and, look, now it's totally brown. ( laughter ) now, between the debate and the impeachment of the president, it has been a;or wild couple of das in american politics, and we're going to cover both tonight, but

let's start with the final debate of 2019, which was hosted by pbs and politico and taped in front of a moving background that looked like a boring part of the matrix. ( laughter ) tonight's debate was the smallest with only seven candidates on stage and tls whitest, no juliaaán castro, no kamala harris, no cory booker. basically democratic debates are like horror movies, start out with a diverse cast of characters and then all the black people are quietly and quickly killed off. ( laughter ) that was a topic of tonight's debase, why is the democraticth field not more representative of its base. >> president obama said this week when asked who should be running countries, if women were in charge you would see a significant improvement on just about everything. he also said if you look at the world and the problems, it's usually old people, usually old

men not getting out of the way. senator sanders, you are the oldest candidate on stage this evening. >> and i'm white as well. whoa! ( laughter ) >> trevor: did bernie just yell, and i'm white! you can't say that, bernie, that's trump's campaign slowing been. what are you doing? that came off weird being asked about being old and then say i'm white as well. it's like your wife is shitting on you for cheating and you cut in, and it was with your sister! i love how obama made an off the cuff comment at an event and it's become a real thing after the debates. he says he thinks women would make better leaders and should be president and the candidates have to deal with tall shit he threw in. obama should be messing with the campaign, tomorrow, the best

president would be somebody without a nose. aaahhh! ( laughter ) the stage wasn't completely white thanks to andrew yang being there. basically a bunch of white people and an asian guy like an adult reboot of the goonies. andrew yang had an insightful take on why there weren't more people of color on the stage. >> the average net worth of a black household is 10% of a white house holiday, for latinos, 12%.çó the question is why have am i the lone candidate of color, fewer than 5% of americans donate to political campaigns. do you know what you need to donate to political campaigns? disposable income. ( applause ) >> trevor: andrew yang makes a really great point. think about it, to make it on tonight's debate stage candidates were required to have 200,000 donors, but if a candidate has supporters who can't afard donations, the candidate can't make it to the stage, because money talks in america, so if you don't have money, you can't talk. think about it, the whole issue

around political donation in america is backwards. give me your money and i'll make your life better. yo, man, if i had money, i wouldn't need you to make my life better. ( laughter ) one of the big advantages trump has is the economy is doing extremely well. for tonight's candidates, the challenge was explaining to voters why all that glitters is not gold. >> this economy is not working for most of us, for the middle class, and i know you're only ever supposed to say middle class and not poor in politics, but we've got to talk about poverty in this country. >> america's middle class is being hollowed out and working families and poor people are being left behind. >> trump goes around saying the economy is doing great. you know what? real inflation accounted for wages went up last year 1.1%! that ain't great! >> trevor: damn, bernie really hates 1%. it doesn't matter what the 1% is, he just hates 1%.ú increases, top earners,

milk, doesn't matter. get out of there with the no fat. i need milk straight out of the cow. he makes a good point. the economy can be doing well but that doesn't mean every day the americans will be seeing the benefits. truth is the big beef wasn't between the democrats and trump. it was between democrats and pete buttigieg. south bend mayor and jung she wouldn't. you can tell he's the one to beat because everyone was gunning for him. >> when we were in the last debate, mayor, you basically mocked the 100 years' experience on the stage. i think this experience works and i have not denigrated your experience as a local official. >> you actually did den grate my experience, senator, and i was going to let it go because we have bigger fish to fry here but -- >> i don't think we have bigger fish to fry than picking the president of the united states.

( cheers and applause ) we should have someone heading up the ticket that's actually won. >> do you want to talk about the capacity to win? try putting together a coalition to bring you back to office with 80% of the vote as a gay dude in mike pence'sñr indiana. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: whoa, that was a mic drop, huh? a gay dude? indiana. i feel like wherever mike pence is now his spider sense lit up. there's a gay man in indiana? i must go. m 8rale! ( laughter ) now, klobuchar going after buttigieg was the undercut fight because the main event was between buttigieg and elizabeth warren on the topic of can pain donationings. >> i've said to anyone who wants to donate, if you want to that's fine, but don't be expecting to be named ambassador. the mayor just recently had a fundraiser held in a wine cave

full of crystals and served $900 a bottle wine. think about who comes to that. billionaires and wine caves should not pick the next president of the united states. >> mr. mayor -- >> trevor: elizabeth warren has a great point. buttigieg shouldn't be holding hundred dollars raisers in wind caves. he's not even old enough to drink. ( laughter ) also, what the hell is a wine cave? i don't want a president picked that way. i want a president picked by someone in a tequila cave. more fun. a wine cave is where batman goes to relax. it was a long day, alfred, open a bottle of roseeé. warren hit on the wealthy but buttigieg threw punches of his own. >> senator, your presidential campaign right now as we speak is funded in part by money you

transferred, having raised it at those exact same big ticket fundraisers you now denounce. this is the problem with issuing purity tests you cannot yourself pass. ( audience reacts ) if i pledge never to be in the company of a progressive democratic donor, i couldn't be up here. seni7r, your net worth is 100 times mine. now, supposing you went home feeling the holiday spirit and decided to go on to pete for america.com and give the maximum allowable by law, $2,800, would that pollute my campaign because it came from a wealthy person? >> trevor: whoo! pete buttigieg just called elizabeth warren a wealthy person. ( laughter ) you realize for progressive white people that's like being called the n-word. they're, like, how dare you call me wealthy, i'm living comfortably, okay?nhp3

( laughter ) and you can see elizabeth warren wasn't liking that because she did the thing white women do, face forward like i'm not hearing anything. ( laughter ) also, it was pretty slick that pete basically suggested warren should donate to his campaign. he was like go to pete.com -- because if he got every democratic candidate to give him 100 bucks, that's, like, $4 billion. that's genius. klobuchar attacked pete, warren attacked pete and bernie edecided to jump in on the white on white crime. >> now, there's a real competition going on up here, my good friend gorks and he is a good friend, he's received contributions from 44 billionaires. pete, on the other hand, is trailing, pete, you only got 39 bill flairs contributing. so, pete, we look forward to you, i know you're an energetic guy and a competitive guy, to see if you could take on joe on that issue. but what is not --

( laughter ) >> trevor: oh, man!y first of all, biden is, like, wait, what happened? wait, who? did i get the money? ( laughter ) and i don't know what it is, but fight,ism liketñ i'm watching bk to the future, you know? it's just like, doc, doc! we got to get big money! we got to get money from big donors, doc! he's, like, shut up and get back to the delorean! the flux capacitor is at 1%, and you know how i feel about 1%!çó ( laughter ) those are the big moments of toopts debate. although there was one other moment that was too powerful to ignore. >> first of all, we've not had enough women in our government. when i was on trevor noah's show once, i explained how in the history of the senate there was something like 2,000 menfá and

only 50 women in the whole history, and he said if a nightclub had nubs that bad, they'd shut it down. ( laughter ) however -- ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: no, please, no -- okay, a little bit more, a lilt bit more. ( cheers and applause ) no, please, no -- i'm -- i'm not going to lie, that was qddw brilliant point by that trevor noah guy. made a lot of sense. and technically, technically, if my line gets a response at the presidential debate, doesn't that mean that now i'm also in the race? ( cheers and applause ) no, i'm joking! i'm joking! i can't run, guys, i was born in kenya. ( ;;]19uq) ) so, that was the final debate of the year. and, honestly, it was really exciting. there were policies,rç/ discus,

enough of a banter to make it something to watch, and it had to be exciting because this has been an exciting week. think about it, just yesterday, the 45th president of the united states got impeached. ( cheers and applause ) yeah! well, you guys might be cheering, but when democrats in the house try cheer last night, nancy pelosi shut it down real fast! >> house speaker nancy pelosi maintaining control of her caucus with a glance and a gesture alone at one point yesterday. >> on this vote, the yays are 230, the nays are 197. present is 1. article 1 is adopted. ( beginning applause ) >> trevor: damn! nancy didn't want to hear gloating last night.

she killed that celebration. that kind of look would send a champagne cork back into the bottle. that's how intense it was. it was like pop, wop! and a while the democrats were peaching, the peached was holding a rally in michigan and he wants everyone to know he's totally okay with being impeached. >> it doesn't really feel like we're being impeached. that's why with richard nixon, i see it as a very dark era, very dark, oh, you don't even like to think. i don't know about you, but i'm having a good time. it's crazy. >> trevor: oh, poor trump, man, he just became the first president in history to get impeached and you see what's happening, she's trying to convince everyone it doesn't bother him. it doesn't even feel like we got impeached. no, you got impeached. there is no we. ( laughter ) this reminds me of when you were a kid and you wiped out on your bike in front of all your

friends but you got up and had to play itñr cool. hey, man, you okay? yeah, that wasn't nothing. i did it on purpose because i thought it would be funny. dude, i can see the white stuffñ under your skin. yeah, i'm going home. ( laughter ) trump wants to think impeachment is no big deal but he also wants you to think it's a travesty. >> i'm the first person to ever get impeached and there's no crime. i feel guilty. it's impeachment light. they have cheapened the impeachment process, and now anybody that becomes president, i mean, they could have a phone call and they get impeached! >> trevor: okay, first of all, impeachment light? there's no impeachment light. impeachment is like herpes, you either have it or don't. don't worry, baby, this is just

a little herpes here.ñi i like how he says any president could now get impeached on a phone call. it's not the fact he just made a call. trump's either being disingenuous or peeh took the completely wrong lesson from this thing. like o.j. saying, all right, i learned my lesson, i won't wear gloves anymore. ( laughter ) although part of me thinks trump is setting up an excuse for not calling eric on his birthday. i'm sorry, eric, i can't call you, i can't risk another impeachment. but you said it was impeachment light. still too risky, boy, too risky. ( laughter ) , so look, man, donald trump can try to act like he doesn't care about impeachment, but you cannot deny that this is a bad way for him to end the year. so here at "the daily show," we thought, with this being our final show of 2019, we would do the president a solid and focus on one of his major achievements

of this year, inventing an incredible array of new words. >> i know words, i had the best words. ♪ he was awarded the bronze star and the combat infant riman. liver trancepants and to delegit >> this was pivotal. if you look at the heroin epidemic. fully authorized the 9/11 victims. we must seek bipartis solutions. in all 50 states to waive up a applicable state taxes. americans of all lice rose up. weudjust set another stock rocket, you saw that.

vensvenezuelans. i hope they take a look at the oranges of the investigation, the beginnings. we've put a big investment in our country. we appreciate it very much tim apple. more than 2,000 years ago, a brilliant star shown in the east wisemen traveled far far afield. >> and there was -- you know what -- >> to improve this doesn't -- i have the best words, but there's no better word than stupid. >> trevor: i can't wait to see what he comes up with next year. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) manolo! it's so cold, come in!

what's wrong? it's dry. your scalp? mine gets dry in the winter too. try head & shoulders dry scalp care. it nourishes the scalp and keeps you up to 100% flake-free. head & shoulders dry scalp care you have a brother in [the second battalion? yes sir. they're walking into a trap. your orders are to deliver a message calling off tomorrow's attack. if you fail we will lose sixteen hundred men. your brother among them. we need to keep moving. come on! there's only one way this war ends. last man standing. ♪ ♪ la vita ruffino.

( cheers and applause )

>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." the 2020 election has 538 electoral votes up for grabs, and it seems like just as many candidates trying to get them. but with all this choice, some voters are having a hard time narrowing it down. >> the problem right now is there were just too many candidates and the field is so wide. >> so i know some folks who are really not committing to anybody right now because they feel like there are so many candidates. >> are you waiting for one to say something where you're, like, that's it? >> yeah, i guess i am. ou have it narrowed down to a couple you like or are you just wide open? >> i don't know. >> trevor: oh, they're so coy, i don't know! ( laughter ) but this is a really good question, how do you decide which candidate has your vote, go by policy, charisma, who has the best abs? if only there was a service that could match you to your ideal candidate without you having to do all the work.

luckily we at "the daily show" found one. >> i've always been curious about what candidate to vote for. how am i toads spodes to decide? with my brain? gross! it's so wet. >> and reading policies to help me choose? what do i look like, someone who cares about the future of the country? >> i wish there was a test to tell me who to pick. >> now there is. ( bleep ) yeah! introducing 538 and me, the only dna test that matchous to a candidate on the politico genetic level. your 538 and me kit comes with everything you need. first, spit into your vial. ( snorting ) ( clearing throat ) >> then use the rectal swables as as directed. >> what? just do it. then seal your kit and send it to our labs. >> you should get your own mailbox. >> we'll analyze your sample to

find out the candidateshed vote for based on your dna. >> i'm pro an anxiety when i see immigrants. >> i carry the gene for uncombable hair. what a fun way to think about who i might vote for. >> there's no thinking with 538 and me. upon completion of your test you are legally bound to vote for whatever candidate your genes dictate. >> i don't know if i'm comfortable with that. >> too late. using your dna, we've created a clone of you. so you can sit back and relax on election day while your double goes to your registered polling location. >> i think it's my civic duty to cast my own vote. >> don't worry about it. that's what i'm here for. >> no, i think i'd rather. i said, that's whatñi i'm here for. >> the terms and conditions you agreed to were very clear. >> you're not going anywhere.

any attempt to deny the results of your dna test will result in severe consequences. ♪ 538 and me, let your spit do the voting. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: desi and jaboukie, everyone. we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ fast paced hip hop song playing througout ♪ ♪ ♪

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an award winning journalist with al-jazeera english and intercept and the host of the deconstructed podcast. please welcome mehdi hasan. ( cheers and applause ) ifthank you for being on the sh. let's jump straight into it. the debate ended. what did you make from it, as someone who was watching it apart from us who was watching it. >> two things. number one, amy klobuchar really clothes pete buttigieg. that came out clearly. she was waiting for this moment. she came prepped with her status. youlogs by 20 points -- she came prepared. he lost by 25 points in indiana, actually. the second thing we learned is the democrats need to run a muslim for president because i'll tell you what, trevor, you won't find me near a wine cave. i don't even know what a wine cave is.

that's the solution to the wine cave issue. >> trevor: that's an interesting issue people were arguing about. do you take money from rich people, big corporations, wealthy donors in that class? that was an interesting argument within the party, with buttigieg saying we need everything we can to beat donald trump, he has a lot of money, he's raised a lot of money from big donors, we've seen this, so if you don't have enough money, you can't compete. elizabeth warren says, no, the money becomes part of the problem, so where do you think the argument ended on the night? >> i'm team warren and sanders on this. it's very clear if you take money from rich people, they expect stuff in return. that's the history of politics, american politics in particular, you talked about it earlier on the show, money talks in the country. the great talk with warren and pete buttigieg, i can't be on the stage with you, you're richer than me. the problem is he won't say what warren and sanders says, give as much money as you want, we won't

give you a job. he hasn't ruled out appointing rich donors to ambassador. look at gordon sondland who testified, he's a hotel dude who gave a million dollars to donald trump's inauguration, and i think that sort of thing is a problem for the democratic party and pete buttigieg. ( applause ) >> trevor: it was an interesting debate. we heard what the people had to say. you only had seven people on stage as as opposed to tucia0 so you heard from the people. andrew yang came out swinging. he had his stats, he made a few great points people hadn't brought up before, but it still feels like he's an outlier in the race even though he was amongst them. do you think this was his night? >> not as far as how is the campaign going to go. he had a couple of good gags, for once. joe biden said about rudy

giuliani his entire vocabulary is a verb and a 9/11. klobuchar had a good night. i don't think she'll be the candidate. but she had a good night. she was strong and prepared. i think tonight we saw the first crack in the pete buttigieg electability argument. until now, we're like he's the guy and lectable. she pointed out the emperor has no clothes. he's a mayor from south bend, indiana. he won eight thousand votes in indiana. i had half that people at my wedding. that's his qualification is this. >> trevor: here's an ah argument many others might make. if you look at the democrats' history in the races, democratic volters generally like to vote for somebody who doesn't have a long history in politics. many people would have said barack obama came out of nowhere, many people s.a.t. bill

clinton came out of nowhere, many said kennedy came out of nowhere. >> ultimately, kennedy was a senate, obama was a senator, they weren't bay may yore of the fourth biggest town in indiana. amy klobuchar was saying there was a double standard here, would we consider a 37-year-old person of color or 37-year-old woman, they would be laughed off the stage in a way a 37-year-old confident harvard white guy isn't, i think that's a problem. i think there's a problem in the democratic base as a whole which everyone is trying to play pundit, they're trying to say who's the most lectable person. you can't measure this stuff. a poll showed almost any candidate can beat trump nationally. i say to the person, please vote for the people you think is best. stop trying to be a dpint. who predicted trump? few of us. try to pick the person who will be the best person to heal the count