- oh...[panting] - oh, thank god. - hey, stan, my computer says we're not friends anymore? - my facebook profile went rogue, dad. had to go into the circuitry and do battle with it. i sent all my friends somewhere else. - oh, okay. so we're--we're not friends then? - [bleep] off, dad. [beep] - ahhhh. ahhahahahahahaha! >> from comedy central's worldn, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause )

♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you for coming out! ( cheers and applause ) wow! this is great! thank you! thank you! thank you! take a seat, everybody! let's do in thing, i'm trevor noah! our guest tonight is an author and activist whose new book is called "hood feminism" mikki kendall is joining us! ( cheers and applause ) also on tonight's show, joe biden makes a sphriez surprising friend. jaboukie young-white tells us how to stop corona and donald trump might actually be a genius. let's catch up on today's headlines. ♪ let's kick it off with the democratic primary race. as i like to call it -- too old, too furious.

( laughter ) it's down to bernie sanders and joe biden, and tomorrow could be the day we find out who's going all the way. >> former vice president joe biden and senator bernie sanders are both in michigan today ahead of tomorrow's presidential contest. six states will hold votes for 352 the delegates. of those, michigan is the big prize, the most delegates, 125 of them. >> sanders is ehoping michigan is where he can block biden's momentum. >> sunday biden will question another endorsement, kamala harris. >> i have decided i am, with great enthusiasm, going to endorse joe biden for president of the united states. i believe in joe. i likely believe in him, and i have known him for a long time. >> trevor: now, please send $10,000 in unmarked bills so that my family can see me again. ( laughter ) i'm very happy to be here. ( laughter ) i don't understand why kamala harris shot this hostage' style

video to show her support for joe biden. it looks weird. it really does. i bet even the taliban is looking at this video, like, we had better lighting and we were in a cave! much better, much better! ( laughter ) also, american politics is a little strange. how is kamala going to endorse joe biden and not acknowledge she once called him a friend of racists who opposed integrated public schools? for me, you have to at least say, look, i know we've had our differences, but -- or something like that, otherwise, you make it seem like we're crazy. i've known him for a long time and he's great. during the bebaits? oh, that's different. when you were a kid, did you sleep over at a friend's house and you could hear them screaming in the next room and they would be, hey, do you want pisa for dinner? are we not going to acknowledge the "dateline" shit that went

down? okay, i'll have pepperoni. ( laughter ) america only has to worry about one presidential national hurricane center next year. in afghanistan, they're dealing with two. >> in afghanistan, two different politicians who claimed to win the presidential election are staging inauguration ceremoniesies. >> asheri afghani, the election commission say he won a second term. mr. ghani made his inaugural speech. several explosions happened nearby. we have the footage through. ( speaking, then blast ) ( continues speaking ) ( laughter ) >> trevor: okay, i don't know what's crazier, that two people say they're the president or that, while this guy is giving his speech, explosions are

shaking the building, and he just keeps on going? it's, like, as i was saying -- i'm very happy to be your president -- ( laughter ) so, now, afghanistan is in a sticky situation because two people are claiming to be the president. yeah, no one knows what to do. if you ask me, we should just get maury over there to solve this whole thing. just be, like, you are not the leader! oh! although, at the same time, why don't we fix this? it's not the worst idea to have two presidents. we never thought of it. maybe presidents should have day and night shifts. it could be easier for the presidents because they can avoid the blame for bad news. people would be, like, mr. president, the people are staferg! oh, look, i just clocked in. yeah, that sounds like a night shift problem, sorry. ( laughter ) finally, as you know, yesterday was the beginning of daylight

saving time when the day leaves the clock behind. looks like people in power have had enough. >> florida senator marco rubio is calling for people to reach out to representatives and senators and ask them to lock the clock and support his bill to make daylight saving time permanent. >> it's time to go permanent daylight saving and end this once for all. we have a bill to do that. let's see if we can get it done this year. this is stupid. remember, call your member of congress, your senator and tell him to stop this changing of the time and lock the clock. >> trevor: okay. why do all american senators shoot selfies like hostage videos? what is is this? what's going on? dark halls, weird lighting, i'm thinking the coronavirus is worst than they're telling us and every senator is in a fallout shelter. rubio's faking us out. daylight saving, right, guys?

let me family in! seal the doors! we're really going to turn back the clock -- shoot them, shoot them! ( laughter ) >> trevor: why is senator marco rubio telling us to call senators? you work there, bitch, tell them yourself! we have stuff to deal with! ( applause ) they can just vote and time goes back an hour? it's good thing i'm not a senator because i would be proposing these bills every day. i always want to change time. five times a way i would be on instagram saying hey, guys, the apple genius boss can't see me to 3:00 p.m. get my phone fixed. you're up next! thanks, guys, you are great. let's move on to the top story. ( cheers and applause ) the coronavirus, it's not only a global pandemic, it's also

everybody's new excuse for canceling plans. which reminds me, dave, i can't go to your birthday party, i might have coronavirus, and i also find you very annoying -- ( coughing ) ( laughter ) the question remains, how serious is this viral threat going to get? let's check in on the latest development in our ongoing sceght "is this how we die? " ( cheers and applause ) outside of china, one of the country's hardest hit by the coronavirus has been italy. corona cases there seem to be doubling overnight, and it's gotten so bad that, at the sistinsistine chapel, god is reg to touch man. as for the government of italy, they've just decided to shut it all down. >> all of italy is going on lockdown. tonight the prime minister announcing drastic new measures a short time ago telling everyone in his country to stay

home. >> the prime minister announcing tonight severe restrictions on the entire nation of around 60 million people. from tomorrow morning, all sporting events are off, including soccer, the general public should only go to work and work from home if possible. in a rome superb, the faithful celebrated mass outdoors. notice the distance between them, add hearing to government advice that members of the public should stay three feet away from one another. >> trevor: thanks to corona, italy is completely locked down. no soccer matches, no cinema, even church has changed because worshipers don't want to get too close. it's going to be hard to take communion, seriously, when the priest has to throw wafers into people's mouths from across the room. the body of christ -- from downtown! ( laughter ) but it's not just europe. coronavirus is also wreaking havoc here in the u.s., and it's becoming clear that no one is safe.

>> back here in this country two, members of congress are putting themselves under a quarantine because a man attend ago large gathering of republicans tested positive for coronavirus. senator ted cruz and paul goeser said they had a contact with a man at last month's event known as cpac. >> two additional congressmen will undergo quarantine. >> everyone should continue to treat this outbreak seriously and be driven by facts and medical science, ted cruz says. >> trevor: yeah, because coronavirus was at c-pac, four republican lawmakers are quarantined and can have no human contact. ted cruz is, like, what's human contact? ( laughter ) what's really concerning is if it turns out multiple people in congress have that corona contact, they might have to send all of congress home, which would be a disaster, because if there's no one in cronk, who would be left to not pass any

laws? ( laughter ) with coronavirus spreading across the country, i know a lot of people are scared right now, but there is no need to fear, my friends, because, you see, the stable genius in chief is on the case and he's going to do everything he can to help all of us through this thing, unless you are already sick, then you are on your own. >> this morning 35 people on the grand princess cruise ship will disembark in oakland, california. of the 45 people tested, 21 have confirmed cases. all guests will remain in isolation for 14 days. >> political reports that health department officials reason quickly removing passengers was the safest outcome. but the president had a very different idea. >> they would like to have the people come off, i would rather have the people stay. but i go with them, i tell them to make the final decision. i'd rather because i like the numbers being where they are. i don't need to have the numbers double because of one ship that wasn't our fault.

( laughter ) >> trevor: you know, one thing i appreciate about trump is even if he does the right thing, he still tells us he want to do the wrong thing. he's, like, i've with one tell me to save those people on the belt but if it was up to me, i'd let those bastards die. just give me one fire arrow and i'll solve the boat problem viking style! boom! corona is their problem now. ( laughter ) even as trump bumbles his way through the corona response, he thinks he's doing an amazing job. >> they like this stuff. you know, my uncle was a great person. he was at m.i.t. he taught at m.i.t. for i think, like, a record number of years. he was a great super genius, dr. john trump. i like his stuff. i really get it. people are surprised i understand it. every one of these doctors say how do you know so much about this? maybe i have a natural ability. maybe i should have done that instead of running for president. ( laughter )

>> trevor: yeah, maybe you should have done a lot of things other than running for president. ( applause ) but this is where we are now, and i will be honest, even if trump had some other job, i think he would find a way to ruin things. even if he was a mailman, he'd screw things up. ding-dong, i've got your corona vaccine but i ran over it with my truck. if you suck on the cardboard, you should be fine. ( laughter ) by the way, i'm not sure trump has a natural ability for science. especially considering that he thinks scientific knowledge can be passed down through his uncle. ( laughter ) trump doesn't have a natural -- he doesn't have a natural anything. i mean, that's why we can all see his tan wiping off on his color. there's nothing natural about this man. that's not a normal thing. ( audience reacts ) clearly, trump is not a natural expert at this because he said the vaccine could be ready in a few months. it can't. a couple of weeks ago, he said

the number of cases would quickly go down to zero. it has been the opposite. he even said you can't spread the disease if you sneeze with your eyes open ( sneezing with eyes open ) it doesn't help. ( laughter ) trump can't afford to be misinformed about corona because as an older man not in great shape, spending time touching strangers, he's definitely at risk. if trump is not careful, he could get sick, be incapacitated or trapped in quarantine with ted cruz. we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) wish you had a battery that lasted longer than lunch? yeah. order up, it's switching time. there, that's better. switch to up to 12 hours of battery life. switch to chromebook. ♪ amanda nunes wears hers with pride.

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they're not human beings. you one of them? they're playing you! [ screaming ] everyone said i was crazy. when i started this commute, so fifteen years ago, i got my first subaru and i did it anyway. for more than five hundred thousand miles, my outback always got me there. so when it was time, of course i got a new one. because my kids still need me. and i need them. (vo) welcome to the all-new subaru outback. the most reliable outback ever. go where love takes you. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." as the coronavirus continues to spread, it's time for us to face the uncomfortable truth that we're all going to come in contact with it at some point. it's everywhere. europe has it, africa has it, america has it, the only person who doesn't have it is that guy in the bunker in "parasite," but

he's got other problems. ( laughter ) if you're in a sparsely populated area, you might be okay, but one of the worst things you can do is be in any kind of cramped space where people are packed tightly together, like a live studio audience for a late night show. those people are screwed. but not you guys. you guys are fine. ( laughter ) it's even worse in a city like new york which is basically one big studio audience. the good news, governor andrew cuomo is taking action. >> governor andrew cuomo is declaring a stieft emergency in new york as dozens new cases of coronavirus are determined each day with testing happened around the clock. >> contain, contain, get a lead, chase it down, chase it down, find a positive, quarantine. >> governor andrew m. cuomo sounding the alarm riding the subways. >> if you see a packed car, let

it go by, wait for the next train. >> trevor: to minimize your risk in new york city, wait for a less crowded train. we have a live image of someone waiting for a less crowded train. [ please stand by. the event will begi ( cheers and applause )i'll mis. a tip about new york, there are no less crowded trains. if there is an empty carton the train, whatever is in there is worse than corona. okay? ( cheers and applause ) even coronavirus would be, like, if i were you, i'd wait for the next one. yeah, just wait like me. i'm waiting for the next one. ( cheers and applause ) although the governor gave unhelpful advice, he does have a plan to help ensure that there's plenty of hand sanitizer for the residents of new york. >> we are introducing new york state clean hand sanitizer made

con slient by the state of new york. this is is a superior product to products now on the market. this is 75% alcohol. it has a very nice floral bouquet, i detected lilac, hydrangea, tulips -- >> trevor: no! why are you putting your hands in someone else's face? that's the first rule of coronavirus! what? cuomo is the guy who would open the door to prove the zombies are gone. i swearer i don't hear them, let me check -- ( laughter ) i will say a state making its own hand sanitizer to give people free hand sanitizer is a great idea. i love this. though i don't know why cuomo is selling us on the smell. there's coronavirus, i'm buying

hand sanitizer. i'm taking it. imagine if the captain of the titanic was, like, everyone, get in the life rafts! they smell like baked cook skis and come in a great shade of yellow for spring! i'm in, i'm in! ( laughter ) waiting on governments to figure out a solution to corona, the world health organization keeps reminding us there's a lot us as individuals can do to prevent the spread on disease. for more, we're joined by our seen your health expert jaboukie young-white, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) jaboukie, it's really scary, and everyone wants to know, what are some of the things that people can do themselves about the coronavirus? >> okay, so, first of all, trevor, there is no need to panic. all right? except for old people. ( laughter ) you guys are screwed. >> trevor: you guys? i'm not old. ( laughter ) >> okay, well, we'll let corona be the judge of that. >> trevor: okay, well, anyway,

jaboukie, i asked you to help us find the best hygiene practices sanctioned by the world health organization. what has your research shown? >> so i read this likely interesting tweet. >> trevor: a tweet? >> yeah, i read this tweet -- thread -- which is basically a book. >> trevor: okay. >> and i learned that we need to stop shaking hands. you know, why do we even do that in the first place. like, seriously, whose idea was it for us to be, like, hey, you know those things we used to wipe our butts? let's rub 'em together. mmm! booty fingers! ( applause ) >> trevor: what's the first tip? >> so my first tip, if you are still shaking hands with people, stop it. ( laughter ) right now. stop that, you dirty bitch. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i don't think anyone is disagreeing with you about shaking hands. it's actually why i have been using the elbow. that way you don't even touch

hands with people. >> elbows? mmm! trevor! you're using your elbow? how do you cough? that's basically like eating someone's ass! ( laughter ) >> trevor: what do you mean, how do i cough? why is that bad? >> show me what you do when you cough? >> trevor: i cough into my elbow and touch it to somebody'- >> exactly. you're coughing directly into someone's ass. ( laughter ) elbows are not as clean as people think. as someone who takes a lot of showers with people, i can tell you, no one ever washes their elbow. >> trevor: so, fine, jaboukie, what's the best way to greet people? >> so, what i recommend is you put your hand over your heart like so and then you bow. >> trevor: oh, that's easy, so just like this? >> a little lower. >> trevor: like this? >> you want to be low enough to kiss your old ass good buy for

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ready for more? bring it on! gatorade zero. get more out of zero. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a writer and an activist who offers a critique of mainstream feminism in her new book, "hood feminism: notes from the women that a movement forgot." please welcome mikki kendall. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: thank you for writing what is one of the most interesting books i've read on feminism in a very long time. "hood feminism" is a really interesting title because sometimes people might be, like, is there a different type of feminism in the hood we don't know about? >> i think there is. i would argue feminism in the hood is more about survival,

less about becoming c.e.o., and more about becoming a person who can afford to keep your house, stay home two weeks during coronavirus and generally feed your kids during that process. >> trevor: it's amazing you say that. many have said the term feminism has started to lose its power because everyone has a different definition of what it means. what do you think needs to improve? what is hood feminism if applied to everybody? >> if we made sure everyone currently on the margins have work, housing food, health care, we make sure people have access to education and opportunity, it's a better world for everyone. so your answer for we want to reduce crime, well, make sure people don't have a reason to be criminals. >> trevor: right. >> we want to reduce the spread of the coronavirus, make sure people can stay home two weeks, be paid a living wage, access grocery and medical care. if we're going to do female nim for all the women, we have to make sure the poorest women have

everything they need to survive. you can't fight for your rights if you can barely stay alive. >> trevor: how did your life define how you think about feminism? >> i lived in the projects, u.s. vet, went to college while living in the projects and raising my son. my ex-husband didn't pay child support so there was food stamps, medicaid, all those things. i was one of the people who they talk about as siphoning from the system, except i paid into the system, got pep from the system, and i promise you i pay more in taxes now than i ever got. >> trevor: it's a great success story. it's wonderful you came from that place to this place, but it's also interesting that you don't stop look back and go, like, i'm lucky. >> if you say, well, i made it out, it's just me, everybody else has to make it, too, you sort of ignore people who helped you out and, b, you keep the problem going. there's always another girl hike me, there's always another parent and person like me who is struggling, and we honestly do

ourselves no favors when we don't take care of people who need a handout. we love a bootstrap in america. that's stupid. no one pulls themselves up by their boot straps. that's never happened. i want you to grab your shoelace and try to pull yourself up and you break your shoelace and get nowhere. ( laughter ) so what people do get help from is lift as we climb, reach back and help someone, and the next one, each one teach one is a saying from the '80s, i don't know if it's still a thing, but as you move forward and bring people with you, everything gets better. >> trevor: so do you think, then, you know, because when i read through the books what was interesting as an argument and an idea was that a lot of feminism seems to have been focused around, like, powerful positions only, you know, people who have gone, like, we need more women c.e.o.s, more women in power and ruling and doing this, which we need, but in addition to that, you argue many waves of feminism have left out just women in general and what they need to just survive.

>> feminism has to lift the women who have power and also the women who need to be able to survive. because if we want a movement for all women, we need to meet the needs of every woman as best we can. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: it's a powerful statement that makes sense, which means a lot of people are going to hate it. i loved it, though. thank you so much for being on the show. a really wonderful book! "hood feminism: notes from the women that a movement forgot" is available now. mikki kendall, everybody! we'll be right back! thank you so much! ( cheers and applause )

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the highest level of safety you can earn. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: well, that's our show for tonight. "lights out with david spade" is coming up next. stay tuned. but first here it is... your moment of zen. >> most species only use 3 to 5% of their cerebral capacity. now let's discuss a special case. the only living being that uses its brain better than us -- >> i am the smartest person.

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