hey, hank. yes, ma'am. i thought i was very specific about you not letting up a magician. yes, ma'am. i got my eyes open. well, it turns out he actually made it up there. what? that ain't right. yeah. he came and went. wait a minute. you said it was a magician, right? you don't think he could have used, it couldn't have been-- let's just go. night, hank. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody. thank you so much for human tuning in. thank you for coming out. thank you so much for coming out. take a seat, everybody, let's

make a show. i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight is an amazing woman who has spent her entire life fighting for human rights and protections for disabled people. judith heumann is joining us, everybody. an amazing story. also on tonight's show, the democratic race is down to the final two. jurassic park is real, and lewis black doesn't want to see pictures of are your kids. so let's catch up on today's headlines. let's kick it off with the coronavirus. the disease is now officially in 85 countries and it has over 95,000 confirmed cases. and it is the reason even white people have switched to the fist bump. and explode. now here in new york because the city is so crowded, the risk of coronavirus is especially dangerous. you see if corona can make it her, it can make it anywhere.

(laughter) and that's why city officials are taking action. >> the mta stepping up its cleaning efforts to prevent the spread of the coronavirus on public transit. workers are disinfecting 427 subway stations wiping downturn styles, tickets daily and in addition to cleaning the says its full fleet of subways, trains and buses will be sanitized every 72 hours. >> trevor: that's right, new york is trying to keep the subway clean to protect riders from spreading coronavirus. which is a noble instinct but good luck trying to keep the new york city subway system clean. you can actually hear the paper towel screaming. ahhh! (laughter) and by the way, maybe i'm just noticing it now, but like was i the only one who is like wait, now they're cleaning the subway? (applause) what were they doing before? oh, well, now we'll clean it every 72 hours. what were you doing before! that video is a little funny because it looks like we're

cleaning up so we can impress the coronavirus when it arrives it will come on the subway, wow, is this for me? but for real though, everyone on the subway isic taking the threat seriously. if you ride the trains you know what i am talking about. people are avoiding handrails. the rats are wearing little hazmat suits. even the subway masturbator vsz switched from lotion to purell. yeah. it burns but it's responsible. and remember, you have to do it long enough to sing happy birthday twice. remember, let's move on. because while humans are worried about getting wiped off the planet there is another species that might be coming back. >> scientists say that they've discovered dinosaur dna along with other biological material in a fossilized skull in mononeucliosis. the skull belonged to a hipackosaurus which was a plant-eating duckbill dinosaur which has been extinct for around 66 million years. now dna is only expected to survive a million years. so if the discover is confirmed,

it would change our understanding of buy only-- biology. >> trevor: okay, it may change your understanding of biology. i already didn't know any of that shit. what i do understand, it's for the first time ever, they found actual dinosaur dna, and guys, if we have dinosaur dna, we have to make jurassic park. i mean yeah, no, look, i know, i know we've seen the movies. i know how it is going to end. but those first two days are going to be dope. it's going to be so much fun. like if my options are dying from coronavirus or a vell os raptor, i know what i am choosing, yeah, gas up that bubble thing, let's do this, baby. you know, i actually feel bad for dinosaurs if we bring them back. because everyone assumes that if they will return they will kill us and take over the world. but chill has changed. the fast food industry does not mess around. yeah, once popeye sees a big

meaty animal walking around. yeah, it's two weeks until we are all like love that t rex from pop-- popeyes. and imagine, can you imagine what it would be like for a dinosaur. because we are like dinosaurs could come back. we are expecting, for them if they come back in modern times, there will be one dinosaur. the first one looking around. everything is so different. there's cities, there's cars and i don't under-- oh, bernie, hey! bernie! good to see you again. >> hello. carl, we need to talk. i need your help. >> did you pass medicare for all. >> it's getting close. we're getting there. and finally, some news from the tech world. if you are worried about being cancelled because of your old tweet, help son the way. >> twitter-- twitter is starting to test tweets that disappear after 24 hours. the company is calling the new fore mat fleets because of their short-lived nature. the feature is similar to

instagram stories and snaps on snapchat. fleets won't be available to be retweeted and won't have likes but peesm can respond to them. >> trevor: that's right, soon you will be able to post tweets that get deleted automatically after 24 hours. which means the oscars can have a host again. yay! an i think more apps should incorporate this feature. you know like they should say if you send a text message to someone you like but they don't reply, that message should also disappear automatically because i am not a loser. (applause) going to leave me on read? and as much as i like thissed why, i think there are a few ways twitter can improve it even more. they should say if you send a tweet after midnight it automatically deletes it self after two minutes, yeah. no one says anything good at that time. they should have another feature that if the president sends a tweet they should delete before he hits send. yeah. (cheers and applause) they would be sitting there like

all these mexi-- all these mex-- i'm hungry. all right, that's it for the headlines, let's move on to our top story. the democratic primary. if yesterday was super tuesday, today is what the [bleep] wednesday. so let's catch up on the fallout of 9 biggest voting night in the primaries in another installment of world war d. going into super tuesday, the democratic field had been narrowed down to four main candidates which say long way from the original 6,000. and as the dust began to settle, it became clear there were two winners and two losers. elizabeth warren, one of the night's losers. she failed to pick up a single state. and to add insult to injury, in her home state of massachusetts,

she came in third. yeah. which is pretty rough. like you came home to find your parents had replaced you with another child. you would be like sorry, honey, we would like joe biden to be our daughter now. but she wasn't the only one with a disappointing evening. another candidate who hit the low point was mike bloomberg. fompleer new york mayor and best person to sit behind at a concert. because after spending the gdp of a small country on his campaign, his quest for the nomination ended in failure. >> a fox news a ert will, super tuesday made for a super shakeup. democrat mike bloomberg today dropped out of the race after his dismall showing last night. >> yesterday was a disaster for bloomberg. he spent more than 500 million and won only a few dozen delegates. last night campaigning in florida bloom brerg tried to sound upbeat. >> no matter how many delegates we win tonight, we have done something no one else thought was possible. >> that's right. we spent half a billion dollars to absolutely eat shit.

they said it couldn't be done but we did it. (applause) we did it. i'm not going to lie. i still can't believe mike bloomberg spent $500 million to not be president. now like i'm also not going to be the president but i spent nothing. in a certain way i feel like i saved $500 million, you know? it really is. that is how i feel. and the funny thing is, right before he dropped out, bloomberg bought more tv air time than he doesn't need any more. since he has already paid for t he should use it he should come on tv and share his random thoughts. hi, i'm mike bloomberg. have you ever noticed you've never seen birds having sex? kind of weird, huh? anyway, see you guys in the next ad break. >> trevor: just do the whole

time. now the reason bloomberg is droing out now after just one bad night is that you must remember, he entered the race to be the moderate alternative to bernie sanders. but last night the voter prtion very clear that they already know who they want their moderate candidate to be. >> the night belonged to joe biden. >> they don't call it super tuesday for nothing. >> the former vice president with a massive comeback on the biggest night of the primary so far. i fired up joe biden celebrating his historic night, racking up a string of commanding victories including a clean sweep of states in the south and a stunning win in delegate-rich texas. >> they pun dilts declared the campaign dead, tell that to the folks in virginia, north carolina, alabama. tennessee. oklahoma. arkansas. minnesota! >> trevor: aaa, a.

that's a joe biden we vn seen in awhile. look at him, all smiling, full of energy, naming states that actually exist. no, but let's be honest. we were all waiting for him to give a shout out to pennsyl-chusettses. i'm serious. i don't think i have seen biden this happy since that time obama taught him how to ride a bike. this has been awhile. i mean and of course, of course no joe biden speech would be complete without a few moments where the wi-fi dropped out. >> it say good night. and it seems to be getting even better. by the way, this is my little sister val row and i'm jill's husband-- oh no-- you swimped on me, this is my wife, this is my sister. they switched on me. oh, joe, really? joe biden called his sister his wife. that san awkward mistake. and if you are going to talk

about your sister wife you should have done it sooner because then you could have won utah. yeah. oh, and by the way, hi, i'm mike bloomberg. >> i was thinking, how does aw train turn around. anyway, see you guys next ad break. >> now the sister wife thing was just a silly gaffe that didn't de rail the night. what caused concern was when two protestors stormed the stage. >> during biden's speech protesters rushing the stage. you see it there coming within feet of the former vice president and dr. jill biden, his wife. one woman was swiftly removed by the former vice president's body man. then moments later, see it again. a second protester storms on to the stage. symoan sanders his senior advisor, she just comes out of nowhere, flies on stage and rips one of the protestors you ever a. dr. jill biden protecting her husband by slugging off a

protester storming the stage. her response. >> >> trevor: that, jill biden, see that, stepped in and blocked that protester like a white lady jackie chan. bam! i mean i knew she was a doctor. i just didn't know her ph.d was in ass-whipping, that was amazing. and it wasn't just biden's wife, his campaign advisor symon, sanders, did you see that, she handles that protester like a professional body guard. he has more women protecting him than t'challa. is he killing it out here. no wonder he won the black vote. overall it was a good night for biden. don't forget this contest is far from over. because this race is all about winning delegates. and not just states but delegates. and even with his good night last night, biden is still basically neck and neck with bernie in the delegate count. up until this point these two have been super friendly on the campaign trail. hugging at the debate, something tells me those days might be

over. >> this morning it's now a two-man race vermont senator bernie sanders already sharpening his attack against biden. >> one of us in this race lead the opposition to the war in iraq. you're looking at him. (applause) >> other candidate voted for the war in iraq. >> boo! one of us has spent his entire life fighting against cults in social security, and wanting to expand social security. (cheers and applause) another candidate has been on the floor. senate calling for cuts to social security, medicare, medicaid, and veterans programs. >> trevor: that's right. one of us is a bi-- t-- and the

other person is me. you know who i am talking about. spread the word. the gloves are officially off. the dentures are in. and things, things are about to get messy between these two. not just because there is vices viper rub everywhere,no, because this is the homestretch. to find out who will be the democratic nominee. and bernie, if you are going to attack joe biden, i wish you the best of luck. but remember not to get too close. because then you will have to deal with jill. we'll be right back. [sfx: ding] ♪ ♪ i don't know about you ♪ ♪ but i got to get it out ♪ i don't know how soon ♪ [sfx: chime] how much? cinco pesos vale. oh ok, thanks.

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so you can try out the network and see the savings for yourself. and now, get the new samsung galaxy s20 5g for just $0 a month. it's 5g ready! for people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay.com. >> trevor: welcoming with to the daily show. when a new story falls through the crack, lewis black catches it for a segment we call back in

black. >> let's talk about-- i hate them, they're loud, they're clumsy and their hands are always covered in jam. they didn't even eat a sandwich, the jam is just there. the kids aren't the problem, it's their goddam parents. >> from baby's first bath to those toddler temper tantrums, parents are sharek more about their kids online than ever before. 92% of kids under the age of two already have a digital footprint. meaning photos and personal information about them already exists online. >> some call this shareenting when parents actively share their child's digital identities. >> wow, sharneting. what fun. i could just sharnting in my pants right now. but that is right, parents are sharing every stinking

soul-sucking moment of their kids' boring lives. think about it. what do babies do. they shit, they scream, they pass out. if i wanted that i would go to mardi gras. at least there the boobs aren't for feeding. but turns out shairnting also just annoy it could ruin your kid he alive. >> it is no joke, more than 140,000 children are victims of identity theft each year and the number keeps growing as more information is shared across social media. you my ity this posting a birth announcement with your baby's name and date of birth is safe but if are you also sharing your madeen name and location, that is enough to open a bank account or credit card in your infant's name and chances are your child won't discover it until they are much older when they apply for a student loan or that first credit card. >> you see what you have done, you oversharing shit heads! you screwed your kid's credit. instead of a visa they will be

trying to pay about a nude photo of them sitting in a pumpkin. plus how dare you rob them of the experience of ruining their own credit. that's a rite of passage. but it's not surprising that after living in this overslairing world, the kids have had enough. >> parents and grandparents facing backlash from their children for oversharing on social media. >> 14 year old lillian asked her mother not to post any photos of her without permission. but her mom kate admits she just couldn't resist. >> i knew she didn't want me to share them. i justified it by saying it's fine strks a cute picture. like why wouldn't she want me to share that, or why would she care, because she looks cute. i thought she was cute. but that's not really the issue, is it. >> quick, get your camera, mom. will you want to capture this magical moment when your daughter decided to late you

forever. you know you failed as a parent when are you getting lessons onion line responsibility from a goddam teenager. these are the people who would french kiss a taser for tiktok. but look, kids, kids talking to your parents isn't going to be enough. they're not going to stop until you show them what st like to be on the receiving end of oversharing. so here's my solution. >> if they're going to post your private moments, you post their private moments. >> like how about a photo of daddy going potty. or surprise your mommy with an adorable snap shot during bath time. >> and the next time you tag your dad on instagram, be sure to include his social security number. happy 40th, pops. your age may be going up but your credit is going down. (cheers and applause) >> trevor. >> lewis black, everybody. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause)

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it's better with block. >> welcome back to the daily show, my guest tonight say lifelong civil rights advocate for people with disabilities. she's also the author of being human, an unrepentant memoir of a disability rights activist. and she is featured in the upcoming netflix documentary crip camp. >> people are not used to seeing a whole lot of folks in wheelchairs and you have to back up. i mean you have to back up if you are on the wrong side in front of that young woman. >> this is wyx. >> they were announcing par a

pledgic-- parapledgic stop traffic in manhattan. >> there were only 50 of us. so baiflt with the one street we were able to shut the city down. >> trevor: please welcome judith heumann. (applause) thank you so much for being here. can i just say reading this book, i expected to be impressed by it but i wasn't quite expected for how much of a bad ass you would be. no, because you don't just advocate for human rights and rights for people with disabilities but you fielt for them. you fight for them with a passion. welcome to the show. before i get into my first question, i guess what really blew my mind about your story is that i specifically have taken for granted so many things in life that i feel like we're always there, ramped, you know, forgetting into stores, you know, ramps that help bem people get into buses when traveling. all measures we put in place to

help everybody be part of society. you lived in a world where that wasn't true and you fought to make those changes. what was that world like before the world we live in today? >> so i grew up in brooklyn, (applause) and at that time, so i was born in 1947. i had polio in 1949. there were no laws. there were no federal laws that made it illegal to discriminate against many people. obviously the civil rights act didn't come back in 1964. and as i got older it became a bigger problem because the school in our neighborhood was not accessible. my mother took me to that school, at that time it wasn't accessible. after the laws came into being in 1981 it was renovated and became accessible. but the principal denied me entrance into the school because i couldn't walk. and he said i could be a fire

lazard. >> trevor: as an able-bodied person we take so much things for granted. >> i call you nondisabled. >> trevor: i noafer know what term it is because in the book. >> i call you nondisabled because the likely of your acquiring a disability temporarily or perm innocently is statisticically very high. >> trevor: did you just threaten me? >> yes, definitely. (laughter). >> trevor: it has been 30 years now since the american disabilities act was passed. many would feel like everything has been done and everyone has access to what they need. what do you still feel needs to be improved specifically in the united states? >> so i think the united states and around the world, one of the big issues is that people with disabilities need to feel proud of who we are. we need not to be ashamed. we add disabled people as allies

, you did some great work with the mental health piece did you. >> trevor: oarks, thank you. >> that is really i think what the objective is, that we as disabled people need to stand together, speak out against this oppression or discrimination against anyone and that needs to be the perform. and i wanted to also say i live in d.c.. and the metro there, some of the most frequent users of the elevators are men and women who have babies and baby carriages, so i think we really need to also look at the kind of accommodations that they receiptically have been made for disabled people. actually benefit so many other people and people don't even realize why that is. >> that's really beautiful. i loved every part of your story because of how fierce it is, because how funny it is, because of how much you learned. i mean i learned about stories in and around the disabilities act.

the story of america. and i learned there was once a time in new york when there was no traffic on some streets. so thank you so much for being on the show. i appreciate you so much for being here. being heumann, a buflt tail of real life is available now, and netflix crip camp. judith heumann, everybody. we'll be right back. slow laptop? shhh... [whispering] how about one that boots up fast? [whispering] it's switching time. how's that for fast? switch to booting up as fast as six seconds. switch to chromebook. ♪ switch to chromebook. we are t-mobile. covering over 200 million americans on the first and only nationwide 5g network. now experience it on the latest samsung phone. introducing the samsung galaxy s20 5g. right now, when you buy one, you get one free. plus get 2 lines of unlimited and 5g access included,

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>> have i been looking around the room here. i can't tell you the number of you who have put your hands to your face in the last 20 minutes or half an hour. >> watching your hands and not touchk your mouth and your nose and your eyes. >> the common sense of washing your hands, not touching your face. >> traditional lyuls of public health apply here. just be smart. captioning sponsored by comedy central cheering] >> announcer: and now, david spade! [applause and cheering] ♪ >> david: hey! [applause and cheering] ♪ >> david: all right! hi, guys! [applause and cheering] >> david: all right! [applause and cheering] >> david: hi, everybody! have a seat, everybo