nice. [whispering] uh...hey. hmm? hey. we can go. sorry. that's fine. talk to you later. uh... not a bad day. i'm trevor noah! welcome to another episode of "the daily social distancing show." we are now on day 24 of staying at home to try to prevent the

spread of the corona virus. and here's your quarantine tip of the day: if you get lonely-- because everyone gets lonely-- take some of your nail clip, soak them in water, and in a few days, they'll grow into a new you. "wow, i can't believe i made a perfect clone of myself!" "kill me!" anyway, on tonight's episode: coronavirus is putting war on hold, jordan klepper gets lessons from survivalists and how quarantine is changing the we love. so let's get to it! welcome to the "the daily social distance show." >> from trevor noah's couch to in new york to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the "the daily social distance show" with trevor noah. >> trevor: if you spend all your time watching the news, you probably feel like the world is about to end. and it is, but that's no reason not to have some fun. which is why we always remind

ourselves here at the "daily show" to smile. in our ongoing segment, "a ray of sunshine." >> trevor: okay, first up: with people no longer able to go out to their favorite restaurants, some restaurants are helping people restaurant at home. they're helping people create the experience themselves. yesterday, waffle house began selling bags of its signature waffle mix for $20, and they were completely sold out in four hours. and i think this is a great idea. in fact, i hope all fast food chains give us the ingredients to mimic the experience of eating there. they can tell us how to do it so we can do it ourselves. like, popeye's can teach you to make their spicy chicken sandwich. or chick-fil-a can show you how to use pickles to hate gay people. in more good news, coronavirus is now shutting down wars. yes!

saudi arabia has announced that it will stop bombing yemen, the world's poorest country, in an effort to stop the spread of coronavirus there. and this is so inspiring right now. saudi arabia is basically like "let us work together to kill this virus so that we can get back to killing each other, because, otherwise, the virus wins, my friends. do you agree?" "why not just not kill us?" "do you agree?" >> yes." speaking of winning, back here in the united states dr. anthony fauci, lead member of the white house coronavirus task force and "hottest doctor since mcdreamy," has announced that thanks to social distancing, extreme social distancing, the u.s. is starting to see "some glimmers of hope." and he also said the country might not reach 100,000 deaths as originally projected. this is amazing news.

but he cautioned everybody to take this as a sign that official warnings have been effective, but not that they were overblown. or, as he put it, "now's not the time to pull back at all. it's a time to intensify." and i completely hear what dr. fauci is saying. fighting coronavirus is a lot like having sex: when you're close to achieving your goal, that's not the time to pull back. "i'm almost there! i'm almost there! i'm gonna-- wait yare you stopping?" "you said you were almost there, so i figure we can go back outside." "what?" all right, that's enough of that. let's catch up on the headlines. all over the world, the confirmed cases of coronavirus continue to grow day by day, with the global tally now sitting at 1.5 million. and as this pandemic rages on, more and more countries who initially thought that they could outfox the virus are quickly realizing how wrong they were. for example, sweden was one of the only european countries that didn't shut their population

down, because, you see, their plan was to keep sick people and old people at home and allow younger and healthy people to live their lives as usual. and it looks like that strategy isn't working. sweden now has a higher death toll than all other scandinavian nations combined. and this is what people need to realize about the coronavirus. i've seen people say, "why don't we let some people go out." corona virus spreading is like a secret. you can tell people not to spread a secret, but does that ever work? no. if you want a secret to stay a secret you have to lock it down. otherwise everybody will find out you never saw "black panther." that's just an example. i have seen "black panther." my favorite scene was when the black panther married the diamond king.

there's also some worrying news from singapore. the country whose early response to the pandemic has been described as the "gold standard," reported a record-breaking 142 new infections yesterday. and this is yet another reminder that we have to stay vigilant with social distancing, because now that we've got corona on the ropes, this is not the time to relax. because if we're not careful, all of us, we could end up like the first "avengers." >> you should have gone for the head. >> trevor: that's right, people. let's make sure we go for the head. you know, whenever we talk about corona virus, we always think about the lives that will be lost, the economy, and people's jobs. but one thing we also can't ignore, is how it's also going to affect people's relationships. so for today i thought, let's change gears and focus on something a little different, in our brand-new segment:

"love in the time of corona." ♪ ♪ now, the corona virus outbreak has been amazing for ying ying and le le's relationship. yeah, because with no one around, those two panda bears have started having more sex than donald trump whenever melania is out of town. i'm joke, of course. he doesn't care if she's in town or not. but it turns out, for us human panda bears, the corona virus hasn't been as beneficial for our love lives. >> reporter: splitting up together: divorce rates spiked in china in the wake of the coronavirus, so is the u.s. will. >> we are seeing a pressure cooker of disaster for couples. business is booming for eleanor alter, a prominent divorce lawyer in the epicenter, new york city. >> people calling at all hours of the night seeking legal advice. >> i'm getting a lot of calls about people who are in close quarters with a person that they were planning to divorce,

perhaps this year, it hasn't happened yet, wondering if they can go forward with the divorce during the pandemic. >> trevor: yeah, coronavirus is the worst thing to happen to marriages since the invention of the pool boy. "why are you so sexy raking the leaves in the pool, pool boy?" getting divorced when you can't leave, sweet, lord, that must be the worse. just imagine, if you live in a new york city apartment what, do you do then? okay, fine! you can have the bed, and i'm going to sleep in the microwave." so, yeah, because of coronavirus, drors lawyers are seeing more business than the guy selling glow sticks at coachella. if you're wondering why is this happening? it's because quarantine is showing a lot of couples that they might love each other, but they don't like each other. >> when it comes to the quarantine, the biggest problems couples have is just the amount of pressure that the relationship is putting on each other. think about it.

normally, you're around your partner for maybe five hours a day awake. but now that's tripled. >> when we don't have as much distraction going on, we tend to hyperfocus on certain things, the little things that bother u >> part of the reason could be one in three people say they do not shower or bathe every day. and 15% of respondents say they do not get dressed out of their pajamas. >> he warneds in the house and continues to talk to me when i'm on the phone. you can't be in your bath robe, and those the are the things, the little things i have to be aware of, because want camera covers the whole space. >> trevor: i really people bad for this think. think about it, her husband is walking around in a bath robe while she's working on skype. imagine you're talking to your boss, and your husband walks in shirtless, covered in cheetos. "honey, do you have a towel?" "my boss is here! "i'm sorry.

mr. boss, do you have a towel. the cheetos get everywhere. just because you committed your life to someone, doesn't mean you want to be committed 24 ver. i think marriage vows need to be updated. "do you take this man to have and to hold but, for, like an hour in the morning and maybe three hours at night when you watch tv." now, don't get it twisted. coronavirus isn't breakings up every couple. there are many lovebirds out there who are taking the initiative and turning quarantine time into quality time. >> you may be stuck at home, but that doesn't mean date night is cancels. >> one couple used their free time to recreate the iconic final dance from "dirty dancing." >> the jones family suesed to being creative, turning famous paintings into works of art, quarantine style. grant recreated date nights around the house, a casino, sports bar, bowling with paimp

towel pins in their living room. >> i think my favorite part of the date was the dance club, which was our bathroom, which we went in there, he had the music blaring and turned the lights on and off. >> trevor: that guy, that guy deserves all the brownie points in the world world. he made a full nightclub in his bathroom for his woman? wow! that's love! and this thing was super realistic. he even charged her $18 for a vodka cranberry and then stole her purse when she got drunk. that is commitment. so, is coronavirus good or bad for your relationship? well, in my opinion, it just reveals what your relationship already is. i know it's tough to be stuck inside with someone all the time, but this is reality for a bit. so my advice is try and make the best of it. i'm not just saying this. that is something that i've done, and i think it's worked out. "you know what, baby?

times may be tough, but we have wine, we have each other, and that's all we need." "kill me." "cheers to that." ( choking ) ahhh! "you can say that again." for a while now, we've been sending jordan klepper on the road to cover the presidential election in a segment we call "jordan klepper fingers the pulse." but with the coronavirus, jordan klepper is locked up at home, along with the rest of us. that's not stopping him. so for now, he's going to be looking at the people who plan for exactly these kinds of conditions in his new segment, "surviving and thriving with jordan klepper." ♪ ♪ >> i should be out fingering the pulse. instead, i'm in focused on

surviving and thriving in my one-bedroom apartment. but while i'm sheltered in place like a boss, am i prepared for things like tomorrow or-- god forbid-- next week. luckily i found a place that's entirely focused on preparation, fortitude ranch. it has everything from self-sufficient farming to solar-powered luxury bunkers and weaponized gazebos that are there to stop ma rawders. i reached out to operator stephen renee to learn more. stephen, how are you? >> i'm doing great, thanks. >> i'm not super big on prep. i've got to be honest eye don't think about getting a dinner reservation until morning of, and then it's a pain in the ass. luckily i know some people at the neta tavern so i'm okay. can you show me what you've got? >> sure. let me show you some of the facilities, jordan. this is the bunker three feet

underground with eight-inch, reinforced concrete. this is where we have all different rooms. >> does nobody want to paint the wood? >> as you come over here, you can see that we have restrooms. for a family, there's a bunk bed that turns into a couch. >> what kind-- what kind of thread count do you have going on, on that bed? >> i couldn't tell you exactly. but i could get back to you in an email with that information, if you'd like. >> that would be helpful. >> here you can see an example of some that shelf-life food. so that's freeze-dried food. >> wow. that's a lot of beans. >> here's a different variant for a room-- wood stove working over here. so this is more set up for a couple. >> they better really like each other. right now, it definitely looks like something in a true-crime netflix series. >> life is going to change, right? >> if you're going to show me

yours, i should show you mine. the place where we're living, specifically. >> ah, i get you. >> yeah, yeah, do you want to see any kind of advice you have how to turn this into a hardened situation. i have a decent amount of records here-- jazz, blues, garage rock, for sure. food-wise, let's see, i've got some sprouted chili verde rice. some bombay potatoes. a lot of indian food. hopefully, that keeps. we'll see. so, steven, i have a decent liquor cabinet over here. definitely enough for a good week's worth of nagronies. >> i don't think that that's really going to help you too much in a real serious situation. >> if it gets real serious, i'm just going to go straight gin. >> that may make you feel better for a limited amount of time, but i'm not sure in the long

term it is going to do you much good. >> maybe he's right. since fortitude ranch says they're expanding to 12 undisclosed locations around america, i want in. get me goats, tree houses, plywood-- everything. and digestive problem fairs year straight. where i do sign up? >> well, unfortunately, you're a day late and a dollar short. we're all full. >> i think we're dwelling too much on the past. let's talk about the future. i would be a real asset at fortitude ranch. i was an improv teacher. i taught sketch comedy. i once took a drunk painting class. >> you know, we're looking for people who are more interested than in being an assert than they are for comic relief. >> well, i'm not saying it's all going to be comic. i mean, a lot of the insightiz have, inherently, are not funny. >> at this point we're dull tullely down to a waiting list. >> fine! who needs you anyway.

i'll stay here with what the guy on canal street told me is 1,000 thread count egyptian cotton. noon. >> trevor: thank you, so much, jordan. you're looking good locked up. when we come back, i'll be speaking to darren walker, president of the ford foundation and we'll be talking about the impact of coronavirus on america's prison so don't go away. right now, get free delivery at chipotle. with a delivery kitchen in almost every restaurant, real food comes straight to your door. it's chipotle, delivered fast, fresh, and personalized just for you. order in the app for free delivery. if we weren't able to stream anything, i think they'd be lost. (vo) we are all home right now. that's why verizon is giving you more of the entertainment you want. dayley is usually watching a tv show, and mckenna is almost always listening to music. we love verizon. i get the shows i need when i need them. (vo) now unlimited plans come with your favorite artists

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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily social distancing show." earlier today, i spoke with president of the ford foundation darren walker. and we talked about how coronavirus is spreading through america's prisons and how he think america can address it. check it out. mr. walker, thank you so much for joining us on the "the daily social distance show." >> happy to be with you, trevor. >> trevor: let's get straight to the matter at hand. you are fighting for an issue that has been raised by a few and ignored by many, the issue of people who are locked up in prison right now, and may be about to experience some of the worst effects of the coronavirus. tell me why you think this is such a big issue, and what do you think needs to be done?

>> well, first, the foundational fact that really is at the core of the issue, and that is that the united states incarcerates more people than any nation on the planet. 2.3 million americans are behind bars. 6.7 million americans are ensnared in some way in the justice system. those people are living in some ways on a cruise ship, a cruise ship that is destined to be a life sentence for many people, people who are simply there because they couldn't post bail, because they had a technical violation, like the gentleman who died this week at rikers island, the notorious rikers island here in new york city, the county jail, where a 53-year-old black man died. he was there for a technical

violation. that means he missed a meeting with his parole officer, or he broke curfew. that is not a reason to be sentenced to death. >> trevor: i think everyone would agree, or you would hope most people would agree. the question would come, though, from many people who would say, "what can be done?" you know, you have these prisoners who are locked up. you have people who are in the prison system in some way, shape, or form. but what would you propose gets done in the situation? >> well, there are actions that governors can take. and in fact, we're seeing actions. our governor here in new york state, governor cuomo, released 1,100 people from rikers. governor pritzker in illinois. governor napolis in colorado. governor newsom in california have all taken aggressive steps to release people. we can release elderly people. there are tens of thousands of

people behind bars who are elderly and infirm. there are people who are within six months of their date of release. why not accelerate the release of these people and make it possible for them to not be subjected to this virus, which in many ways is a heat-seeking disease for black and brown people. because it metastasizes around the very conditions that our community is victims to. that is, the condition of chronic disease, hypertension, asthma, high blood pressure, obesity. and this disease is like a heat-seeking disease, a virus that finds these populations and ultimately kills. >> trevor: here's the question to play devil's advocate, that many people would ask. they would say, "i understand

that you don't want anyone to die from this, but how do you convince the population at large that people who have been locked up for maybe committing a crime, as opposed to a technical violation, should be allowed out? you know, is this not endangering the public at large?" how would you respond to that? >> there's tons of research. this is an issue that has been debunked. and so it's not about public safety. there are literally thousands of people incarcerated for low-level crimes. they can be released, and it is in no way a challenge for public safety. >> trevor: obviously, this is an issue that is being amplified by the coronavirus. but it feels like the coronavirus is exposing issues that have long laid dormant or even alive within america itself. after the coronavirus has gone, once life returns to normal, i know that you have oftentimes been call upon by leaders, such

as joe biden, to give your opinion and to try and help, you know, shape policy. what do you think america needs to do moving forward to try and prevent the prison system from experiencing what it's experiencing today, and what it was experiencing before the coronavirus hit? >> we simply need to look at our history. at the time of every crisis. >> -- let's just look atica trina. katrina exposed the inequality in our society that is manifest in race and racism and america's racist history. we didn't learn the lessons there. we're, once again, being presented with a national emergency that exposes the core issue of inequality and race. and the question is are we going to learn the lesson this time? let us note forget that

philanthropy cannot take the place of government. all of the giving in this country combined in the aggregate in one year is less than the smallest government, federal government agency. and so while i am very proud-- and we should celebrate the generosity of americans-- we also need competent government, competent government, and generous philanthropy can do great things. >> trevor: thank you so much for taking the time today. i'm hoping that your words are heard by the people in power and will continue to get the message out. >> thank you, trevor. >> trevor: thank you so much. thank you so much for your time, darren. that's our show for today. before we go, as america reaches peak corona infections, remember our doctors, nurses, and first responders need our help. so please go to "thrive global's first responders first" and donate whatever you can to help

them get the masks, gloves, and gowns that they need to save lives. and if you want to help in new york city specifically, then you can go to the "new york mayors fund, covid 19 response" and donate there. stay safe out there. remember to wash your hands. and you know those voices in your head? in your head? well, maybe now's the time to hear them out. all right, i'll see you again next week. first here it is, your moment of zen. >> simply stop moving. if you do not have the type of bread you like in your house, it crackles. if you do not have bread, eat cereal, eat oats, sardine. you're supposed to have a two-week supply for a hurricane, and at the beginning of this, i said prepare your disaster kit as if you would for a hurricane ♪

(michael) pam! pamela, pam-a-lama-ding-dong. making copies. i'm not making any copies. let's go! messages, stat. lots to do, lots to do. information superhighway. nothing new. lay them on moi. what? there's nothing new. that's not what you said earlier. oh, do you want me to repeat the messages that i gave you before for the... the most sacred thing i do is care. and provide for my workers-- my family. i give them money, i give them food. not directly, but through the money.

i...heal them. today i am in charge of picking a great new healthcare plan. right? that's what this is all about. does that make me their doctor? um... yes. in a way. yeah, like a specialist. [keys tapping] so which health plan have you decided on? i am going to go with the best, jan. i am going to go with the one with the acupuncture, therapeutic massage... you know, the works. wait, acupuncture? mm-hmm. none of the plans have acupuncture. have you looked at them closely, michael? oh, well, i think it was you who didn't look closely enough at the gold plan. the gold plan? yep. i'm not even on that plan. well, i'd recommend it. michael-- it's very good. you gotta crack these things open. you know, the whole reason that we're doing this is to save money.

so... you just need to pick a provider, and then choose the cheapest plan. well, that is a kind of a tough assignment. um, it's not gonna be a popular decision around the old orifice. it's your job, so... i--well, it's a suicide mission, you know? michael-- i-i don't-- uh, maybe, i mean-- they're--they're-- you know, sometimes a manager, like yourself, has to deliver the bad news to the employees. i do it all the time. oh, pfff, when have you ever done that? i'm doing it right now. to you. [sighs] last night on trading spouses, there's-- have you seen it? no, i have a life. interesting. what's that like? you should try it some time. wow. but then, who would watch my tv? [laughs] that's sort of, like a-- (michael) jimbo! ha ha ha. ah. there's a decision that needs to be made. and i'm having an unbelievably busy day.