still haven't seen the beach. captioning by captionmax it'swww.captionmax.comtors. >> trevor: yo, what's going on, everybody? i have been told apparently today the monday, so that means it's time for another episode of "the daily distancing show." thanks for tuning in. we're now officially in week six of us staying inside to try to prevent the spread of croes. and it's not just the start of week sifntle today's a special day. it's also 4-20. so here's your 4-20 quarantine tip of the day. if you run out of weed to smoke, wear you mask tight till you get dizzy, or turn on the news and watch it for 24 hours, then you will feel just as paranoid and confused as if you had a joint. dogs help us defeat coronavirus. big businesses are taking small business money and president trump protects your right to get killed. welcome to "the daily distancing show."

>> from trevor's couch in new york city, to your couch, somewhere in the world, this is "the daily distancing show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: if you reach the noint quarantine when you're arguing about what your last argument is about, you probably need something to cheer you up. the best way is with a little ray of sunshine. from the beginning of time, dogs have been a man's best friend. they give us companionship, they assist the blind, and they don't make fun of us, even though they've seen how bad we are at sex, we do it the wrong way. dogs might be coming to the rescue again. dogs can be trained to detect diseases like cancer and parkinson's in patient because of the change in body odor. researchers in britain are

attempting to do the same thing with coronavirus. if you can smell coronavirus after no one shourd for three days, consider me impressed. that shows you how amazing animals are. your dog can tell you if you have corona and your cat will be there to eat your body after you die. good news for students. san francisco school district is proposing every student should get an a because it's one fair to mail fail but to corona, and i think this is a great deal because online learning is such a challenge. one, many students don't have broadband alone and, two, it is hard for teachers to keep track of how students are doing, and, three, sex ed is a hundred times more awkward if your parents are in the room. they ask questions. while some schools in america might be throwing their hands up, schools in the u.k. just signed a big name -- sir david attenborough. m.i.t. white people's morgan freeman and the last thing a gasel hears before being eaten

by a lion. it's been announced attenborough will begin teaching geography and nature classes as part of the bbc's virtual learning program. this is amazing. can you imagine being a teacher with david attenborough? he sees the animal world a little differently now. >> and here we have the bat. look at him, acting all innocent like he didn't do shit. thanks to them, i can't even get the mail without dressing up like a broke-ass nine georgia that's right, you better stay in that cave, bitch! >> trevor: that's your ray of sunshine. let's jump straight into the headlines. lest kick it off with economic news. with travel worldwide ground to a halt, demand for oil has collapsed, which has now caused oil prices to plummet to their lowest levels in history. that's right. oil is cheaper than it has ever

been. so the next time you go to the gas station, forget the gas tank, you can fill up the entire back seat of your car, too. the price of oil dropped so much today that right now the cost of one barrel is negative $37. which means it's a real weird time to be an i barron in america now. even the daniel da lewis character is, you know what? you drink wine milkshake! there's nowhere to store it. they're paying people to take it off their hands. it's essentially how we'll feel about all the toilet paper, please, take it off my hands! my family has no place to sleep! bill de blasio announce add phone number to text people who are violating social distancing rules. you text the number and police come and break up whatever is happening. in some cases they even make arrests.

if people hang out in a group, police show up and they disperse the people. all over new york, white women are, like, hello, verizon, i'm going to need an unlimited data plan, all the data you have, i'm coming for everyone! all right, and finally, you may have heard the $350 billion relief fund for small businesses quickly ran out of money just before most businesses could get their loans. well, now we're finding out why the money dried up so fast. it turns out, a lot of those loans were claimed by businesses that are, uh, how do we say it, not actually small. yeah, for instance, places like shake shack and ruth's chris, which each have hundreds of locations around the country, took tens of millions of dollars from the small business fund. and i'm not going to lie, i'm not surprised ruth's chris would take extra money. they have been taking extra names for years. meanwhile, harvard university is also coming under fire because, even though they have a $41 billion endowment fund, they

still decided to take $9 million from the relief package. yeah. $9 million. last time harvard got that much money out of the blue, they had to accept jared kushner. look, if you ask me, harvard is just being greedy right now. can't take $9 million when you have 41 billion. like jesse smollett joining the wwe. let's move on to the big story. over the weekend, america surpassed 40,000 confirmed coronavirus deaths and 750,000 confirmed infections. and because of that, most of us have accepted that, as painful as it is, we need to stay stay at home a little longer till we can get those numbers under control. turns out, there's a different group of people around the country who are saying, now, how can we get those numbers to go up? >> protests erupting coast to coast with calls to end stay-at-home orders.

thousands lining the streets of wisconsin, rallying cries from washington to carolina to maryland. >> protesters on downtown huntington beach holding up signs saying social distancing equals communism and covid 19 is a lie. >> we will not submit to communism or socialism! we will reopen america! >> hundreds of people crowded in front of the governor's residence in indiana. >> who has the right to tell me i can't get a haircut or go here or there. >> in texas dozens chanted fire fauci ( chanting fire fauci ) >> trevor: seriously? fire fauci? so instead of fighting the virus, they want to get rid of the one guy who is warning us about the virus? america's lucky these same people weren't around when paul revere was riding into town. the british are coming! the british are coming! ugh! i hate the british! someone shut that guy up! but, yes, all around the

country, over the weekend, protests popped up, demanding an immediate end to lockdowns. let's be honest, people, this is both insane and court productive, because the more you gather in groups, the longer the lockdown will have to go on. can you imagine if during the aids crisis mobs of people gathered to gangbang the monkey that started it all. what do we want? monkey sex! when do we want it? now! these protests have clearly been infused with far right ideology. many demonstrators wore maga hats, held up anti-semitic signs and many michigan waved confederate flags, a symbol of michigan's proud heritage. it's also mainstream right wing groups like fox news. after dr. fauci appeared on the network and made the case for continuing the shutdowns, fox news decided to get a second up from a doctor everyone can trust. >> talk show host dr. phil

mcgraw appearing on fox news blasting the government's response, appearing to downplay the pandemic. >> look, the fact is we have 45,000 people a year die from automobile accidents, 480,000 from cigarettes, 360,000 a year from swimming pools but we don't shut the country down for that but yet we're doing it for this and the fallout is going to last for years because pestles lives are being destroyed. >> trevor: your entire argument is a bunch of horse hooey. your 360,000 swimming pool deaths is off by about 3 a 7,000. and swimming pools are not like a virus. you're not going to drown because your dang neighbor swam in his pool! the worst thing you will get is a case of fomo. now, it will be a lot easier to not take these protests seriously if they were just being fueled by fox news and internet conspiracy theories. the problem is all these morons

also have the support of the moron in chief. >> president trump is praising stay-at-home protesters who are defying social distancing measures. >> the president defending the demonstrators after tweeting last week that states led by democratic governors like michigan, hard hit by covid 19, should be liberated. >> these are great people. they've got cabin fever, they want to get back. they want their life back. their life was taken away from them. >> trevor: yes, people are suffering from cabin fever and, honestly, i can't think of any disease right now that could be worse than that. you know, trump talks about cabin fever like it's an actual illness. this cabin fiver, worse than any disease we've even had, even worse than the disease from the '70s, disco fever, it was so hard staying staying -- staig a,

staying alive. what makes what trump is doing doing particularly vial is that on thursday, on thursday he announced guidelines for when states should open back up, and then he spends the rest of the weekend urging his followers to fight back against the same guidelines that he released. which is insane. it's like trump is the head coach who told his team to kick a field goal but now he's on the idelines heckling them for doing it. boo! what a bunch of losers! you should have gone for the touchdown! why would you do that is this i told you to do it, but that's not the point. despite how enraging this might be, i want you to remember the silver lining in all of this is these protesters are a tiny my snort, and we know -- tiny minority and we know this because recent polls show the big majority of americans support stay-at-home orders and

are more concerned about the economy being opened up again too soon. so the question is when so many people appreciate how important this fight is, how do these people not seem to get it? lucky for us, sir david attenborough has agreed to study these stringent life forms to help the rest of us understand. >> and here we see natural selection in its purest form. a group of morons crowded together, spitting in each others' faces as they and in the right to get a haircut, even for the coronavirus, this is too easy. >> trevor: man, i can't wait to binge that show. when we come back, i'll be speaking to new jersey governor phil murphy and n.b.a. all-star steph curry. so stick

it's time to step up. prep up. step up. prep up. to help keep you free from the risk of hiv. from the makers of truvada, there's another prep option: descovy for prep. a once-daily prescription medicine that helps lower the chances of getting hiv through sex. it's not for everyone. descovy for prep has not been studied in people assigned female at birth. talk to your doctor to find out if it's right for you. step up. for health and body. prep up for your one and only love or many loves. for kings, this queen, and you royals in between. for my now. our now. and my future. our future. step up. prep up. descovy is another way to prep. descovy does not prevent other sexually transmitted infections, so it's important to use safer sex practices and get tested regularly. you must be hiv-negative to take descovy for prep. so you need to get tested for hiv immediately before and at least every 3 months while taking it. if you think you were exposed to hiv or have flu-like symptoms, tell your doctor right away. they may check to confirm you are still hiv-negative. serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure.

rare, life-threatening side effects include a build-up of lactic acid and liver problems. the most common side effect was diarrhea. tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. if you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking descovy without talking to your doctor. ask your doctor about your risk of hiv and if descovy for prep is right for you. words are loud but actions are louder. step up. prep up. with descovy for prep. get help paying for descovy for prep. learn more at stepupprepup.com ♪

the couand burger king®o stay is here to help. we are waiving delivery fees on our app, so you can be a true couch po-ta-triot. we are also donating whopper® sandwiches to nurses, and supporting the american nurses foundation. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily distancing show." earlier today, i spoke to new jersey governor phil murphy about how his state is handling getting hit with the second highest number of cases in the united states. governor phil murphy, welcome to

"the daily distancing show." >> honored to be with you, trevor. >> trevor: let's jump straight into it. you are one of the hardest-working governors in america now because of what the coronavirus has done to your state. new jersey sex persons one of the largest outbreaks in the country. first things first, do you know why or has there been any discovery as to why new jersey was hit so hard? was it because of proximity to new york or another reason? >> yeah, i think a couple of reasons, trevor. number one, we are part of the metro new york reality, particularly in the northern part of the state. so if you look at the six counties that have been hit the hardest in new jersey, they're all commuting counties into new york. i think, secondly, it has to be said we're the densest state in america so once this thing got going, it spread particularly in those counties but like every county in our state like wildfire. it's a combination of those. >> trevor: the white house reported recently new jersey is one of the places where the coronavirus is under control and the numbers are starting to decline. so my first question to you

would be is that true and, if so, what is the game plan for reopening the states? nobody wants to rush, but everybody understands that, at some point, normal life or a semblance of normal life has to resume. >> you bet. so our mantra is personal health leads to economic health, in that order. i would say it's better than it was a week ago, without question, but the house is still on fire. we've got to plateau and then drive that curve down the other side. so we're not there yet, and we're going to have to continue fighting this fire before we can responsibly reopen. could we see that sort of a month from now? could we be in a meaningfully different and better place? i hope -- i hope, but we've got to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. >> trevor: you are preparing for both scenarios. you've also teamed up with a group of other governors on the east coast to try to manage this collectively because, as we've

seen, it moves from state to state, so people need to try to work together to confront the virus. what are your benchmarks for reopening the state? what are you hoping to achieve before new jersey can go back to being a functional state? >> you have sort of three rings of responsibility here. you've got to do what's right for your own state, that's job number one. but because, again, we're the densest part of the country, doing it in concert or at least in harmony with your neighboring states is incredibly important. then thirdly is the piece you've got to do it with a very robust federal presence and federal partnership, an that's something that we continue to also need. so this is not either/or. it's and/both. the experts will suggest that, at a minimum, we need probably two or three times the amount of testing every day that we're currently doing. so instead of 7,000 to 9,000 a day, you're talking 15,000 to 25,000 tests a day. they have to be rapid turnaround, so you can't wait

seven days for the results but you know within a day that you've got, as you rightfully suggest, a contact tracing protocol in place. we're formulating that both in new jersey as well as in the region and with our federal partners. so it's all of those elements that are works in progress right now, hopefully sooner than later, but we're not there yet on any of the above. >> trevor: you've spoken quite extensively about how many people are struggling, you know, to get food, how many people are struggling to pay for their rent, for their house, for thinking to sustain themselves in life and how much the state of new jersey needs. is there a party concerned as a governor that if you get to a tipple point, the people will no longer want to listen because they cannot afford to listen to the stay-at-home orders that the governorrers issues. >> yeah. i mean, listen, so far, so good, i'm finding wood to knock on here, trevor. so far, so good. the complains, we have 9 million people in new jersey.

the compliance has been extraordinary. there are always exceptions. there will be knuckleheads who do stupid things but, overwhelmingly, people are doing the right thing, but to your very good question, there's economic pain. folks have lost their jobs at historic, never-before-seen levels, small businesses are on the rocks if not busted completely, the weather is getting better, kids have been home-schooling by remote learning for x number of weeks and we've said it's going to go on for several more weeks. so my big plea is anybody watching from new jersey, but i would say from america right now, unless told otherwise, please, god, stay with it. stay the course. we know it's frustrating, we know folks have cabin fever. we completely get that. we understand it completely, but we also understand the only way we beat this damn thing is if we stay at home, stay away from each other, crush that curve and then from that personal health can economic health finally

come. >> trevor: thank you so much for your time today, governor. i appreciate your answers and i hope the knuckleheads listen to the voice of reason and we see this thing on the other side. >> thanks for having me, trevor. >> trevor: when we come back i'll talk to n.b.a. superstar steph curry. so stick around. ♪i'm always walking to the same old place♪ ♪just in case i see your face♪ ♪i may be acting crazy now it's getting late♪ ♪they took my heart away ♪but i'll be okay, 'cause♪ ♪in my dream world ♪i'm still your dream girl ♪ooh, i'm still your dream girl♪ ♪ooh

♪ just like covered california teammateshelps you finder find a way to win, health insurance you can afford. they're the only place you can get financial assistance to help pay for health coverage. plus, this year, the state is providing more help than ever before. and because a new law requires californians to have health coverage or pay a penalty, covered california has made it easier to get financial help, but time's limited.

visit coveredca.com or call to enroll today.

"the daily distancing show." earlier today, i got the chance to speak with steph curry, the all-star point guard for the golden state warriors, who has an organization that is helping kids who are affected by the coronavirus. steph curry, welcome to "the daily distancing show." >> i appreciate it, man. >> trevor: before we get into the work that you're doing, i'm sure everybody wants to know if they're a fan of the narks what are you doing right now? are you training? are you preparing? are you just playing 2k? what are you doing? >> well, it's crazy, i haven't seen a video game controller sips i've had kids, so that's a little different. i can't resort back to that. but for the most part, i have a gym in my house, so i can get on

the bike, i can do some weights, but no -- no actual, like, basketball court. i've got a little hoop that at least i can get the ball in my hand and get shots up, but it doesn't simulate anything i'm used to. just riding it out like everybody else, man. >> trevor: you've always been on the front lines of getting food to people who need it, equipment to kids who need it in schools, helping kids out with the sports programs, et cetera. as soon as coronavirus hit, we saw steph curry in a way we've never seen him before. you came out in full force with your foundation and yourself and your wife said we'll help the kids. tell us what your foundation is doing now. >> there's a lot of food insecurity right in our backyard and, so, like you said, myself and especially my wife, we wanted to formalize a strategy on how to amplify the impact. so a year ago we started our eat, learn, play foundation, and have been working hard to get it off the ground and running and

get to work, not knowing that, obviously, you know, the coronavirus would hit, and that would only just exaggerate the need at the base level from, you know, just having proper supplies for food, especially when the school system is shut down. i hear the oakland unified school district, you don't know %-@s throughout the week. %-@s so, thankfully, we had a foundation set up that, you know, once coronavirus hit and we saw the need that we're already working on, you know, amplify, it was awesome so be able to kind of engage right away. and so many people helped us. we have an amazing team, an amazing support out here, but there are so many kids that need it, and we've now provided over a million meals so far. >> trevor: wow. >> and as this virus continues, that need some going to continue to grow. so still more work to be done and more awareness and support that's necessary.

but just grateful to be in a position to be able to help right away in a meaningful way. >> trevor: your organization was all about helping the kids before the virus hit. you've always wanted to do something in a meaningful way, as you've said, but you've had to pivot quickly to the new situation with coronavirus because you can't be in the schools the same way you were before, the kids aren't coming to the schools in the same way they were before. so what has your organization done to shift, you know, it's attack program, getting the food to the kids as opposed to the kids coming to get the food, getting the right people to get the food to them while still maintaining their health, what have you been forced to do? >> absolutely, we had to reimagine the process. with restaurants closing down, with schools closing down, all the infrastructure is kind of interrupted and, so, from our standpoint, we really partner with the almeda county food bank, and they stepped up in a

meaningful way to open distribution centers so those meals could be accessible to the kids and families in the greater oakland bay area. so from week one or two around, you know, the third week of march to now, it was around two or three dropoff centers, now we're up to 20. and with josé andres and the world central kitchen, they're stepping in to try to reopen restaurants to serve as distribution centers. >> trevor: wow. >> and that, obviously, provides different benefits. we're getting food and meals where they need to be, people know where they need to do go to get the meals, but, on top of that, you 'neath need a workforce and manpower to do that. so with the restaurants that we can engage with, that creates jobs. so nothing you do is by yourself. we just happen to be in an amazing position to be able to help. food insecurities have been happening forever. so things we're trying to deal with and just the history of that, but with the virus, it

only exacerbates that for sure. >> trevor: now, on the one hand you're trying to keep in shape for the n.b.a. on the other hand, you're working to feed as many kids as possible who have now been thrust into the worst situation possible because of coronavirus, and then there's is the side of you a lot of people forget but are reminded of from social media if you know steph curry and that is you're a dad. you have kids at home. kids are out of school now but they need to learn from home. what is the best and worst part of teaching your own kids throughout this crisis? >> the best part is you just get to -- those little moments where you just smile and look at your kid, like, this is amazing. i remember when you came out of the womb and now you're solving addition and subtraction problems on your own. >> trevor: right. >> i'm just, you know, standing by on the side just beaming with pride on that front. the worst part is any seven-year-old -- my oldest

daughter is seven -- any seven-year-old that is used to a certain routine and now has to stare at a computer and try to, you know, keep their focus, especially today's age, that's where it test mess as a dad and as a teacher. my daughter gave me three stars as a second grade teacher. i got some room for improvement, let's put it that way. >> trevor: unfortunately, we'll still have a little more time. when you get back to nash, it will be teacher, philanthropist and n.b.a. all-star. thank you so much for joining us on the show. thank you for taking the time. if people want to help you out, where can they go and look out for? >> eatlearnplay.org is where you can donate and understand the work we're doing. i know you have dr. fauci on your program. i'm not a doctor, but i got to be a reporter for about 30 minutes and ask him some questions.

on sc30.com, there's a breakdown of our conversations where you can get facts. we all need facts and need an understanding of how we can do our part. pretty excited about that. >> trevor: i appreciate you, man. thank you so much for looking out after yourself. >> appreciate you. >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. before we go. if you aren't able to help people going hungry because of this pandemic, please consider a donation to feeding america. they are supplying food to millions of people in america every sing daily, and they could use your help because even a dollar can help someone get a meal. until we meet again, stay safe out there, wash your hands and remember to mute your mic before talking shit on zoom, otherwise the people know who you really are. i'll see you all tomorrow. now, here it is... your moment of zen. ♪ ♪ >> i have something here, just happen to have -- it's a swab. this is what it's about. right? does it remind you of something? it reminds you of this, right? one's a swab, one's a q-tip.

it's actually different. it's very sophisticated, actually, but it's a little bit, like, so this is the swab. (pam on phone) well, i should go. all right. i'll tell everybody here that you say hi. no, don't. i'm mad at them. [chuckling] why? what happened? not one of them called to congratulate me on our engagement. ah. that they might be off the hook for, because i didn't tell them. what? why not? [chuckles] i just didn't, you know, want to deal-- come on, it won't be that bad. okay, you know what? here we go. [hangs up receiver] uh, everybody, just wanted to make an announcement. pam and i are engaged. hi, everyone. i thought you were already engaged. nope. that was roy. she was engaged to roy. thank you, angela. i got a gift for pam and roy. do i have to get another one? yes.

a little close to my engagement there, tuna. what's your game here? to get married. she's not a virgin, you know. wow. what's going on? no, nothing. nothing, michael. just saying hi. the tall guy got engaged. to be married? yep. [drops briefcase] sorry. [cheerful music] ♪ (holly) pencils down! just kidding. take your time. (holly) today is ethics day. after they finish the quiz, i'm gonna run my first meeting here. it's gonna be in-sane! [chuckles] no, it's not. i have to read from the binder.