♪ and you suck it ♪ suck it ♪ yeah, take out your suck it ♪ ♪ and you suck it - ♪ suck it - ♪ yeah - ♪ yeah - ♪ suck it - ♪ suck it - ♪ yeah ♪ take out the suck it and we'll ♪ - ♪ suck it - ♪ yeah - ♪ yeah - ♪ suck it ♪ take out my suck it and we'll suck it ♪ ♪ yeah - teddy! - yeah. captioning by ryan at captionmax www.captionmax.com displ what's going on, everybody. welcome to another episode of "the daily social distancing show." i'm trevor noah. and today is officially day 38 of us staying inside to try and prevent the spread of corona virus. and here's your quarantine tip of the day: if you're in lockdown with a romantic partner, now is the time to try role playing. you can pretend to be all of the people you're not allowed to see: your trainer, your barber, your accountant. no sex. they just to the actual job: "oooh, you gonna do my taxes?" "yeah, i'm going to do the

taxes." "cool, i'm gonna do the dishes." anyway, on tonight's episode: coronavirus has killed spelling, germany is getting sober, and we check in with the "commander in chaos. so let's get into it! welcome to "the daily social distancing show." >> announcer: from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is "the daily social distancing show," with trevor noah." >> trevor: in the age of corona, keeping up with the news can feel a little demoralizing, it's like we've been on a spirit airlines flight for a month. spirit airlines-- the truth is i actually miss you guys. so to keep our spirits up, it's nice to take a moment to remind us of the not-so-scary things going on the in the world, in our ongoing segment, "a ray of sunshine." ♪ ♪ all right, let's kick it off with ikea: the perfect place to buy furniture that's cheap, but looks cheap. the swedish company has decided to release an easy version of the recipe for its famous

meatballs so that you can make them at home. and since quarantine already has you fighting with your significant other, once you've got the meatballs, you'll have the entire ikea experience. now, this is a really cool idea, although, the last time i ate meatballs at ikea, it gave me some indigestion. and i learned the hard way that those display bathrooms are not hooked up to plumbing. someone should fix that. but i do appreciate that ikea released this reese pea, and honestly, i couldn't wait to try it for myself. >> i don't understand the extra screws. it's meatballs! all right, i wasn't crying. this next story is for everyone out there who's forced to work from home. do you feel like your work is taking over your living space? well, you should thank your lucky stars you don't live with this guy. >> banksy striking again. >> i love it. >> this time, in his own bathroom. >> reporter: not sure if you'll like this, kim. take a look. england's mysterious street

artist posting these photos online showing rats running amok during the lockdown, in the artist's bathroom. one rat, hanging from a light switch by its tail, looking down at another hanging from a towel holder, while squirting toothpaste onto the wall. there's also this one of a rat playing on a roll of toilet paper. there's also one by the toilet which you probably don't want to look closely at. yikes. >> trevor: man, i don't know how banksy did it, but i want in on this scam, because when he draws all over his walls, he's a brilliant artist, but when i do it, i'm "losing my security deposit." and this must have been really weird fors i had roommate when you think about it. because nobody knows who banksy is, so they walked into the bathroom like, "oh, my god. this is a banksy! wait a minute, mark? do you think banksy snuck into our bathroom?" and, finally, every day, we read tragic stories of how many lives the coronavirus has claimed. but maybe what we should also be doing is celebrating the people who have come back to life. >> we do want to mention one person who was singled out today

by governor murphy. 26-year-old jack alard was in a medically induced coma after coming down with the virus. after spending time on a ventilator and five full weeks in the hospital, the governor today announcing that jack has died. >> it was a long month, but slowly, jack rebounded. and last thursday, he was clapped out by the doctors and nurses who saved his life as he walked out of the hospital. >> i feel horrible. jack is very much alive. jack, we love you. again, jack is alive and back home. he has come home-- not in the figurative sense, but in the quite literal sense. and my deepest apologies for that. i just misread everything, and i apologize, but he is alive, and we are grateful for that. >> trevor: wow, that was rollercoaster. "jack has tragically died. and i'm hearing jack is very much alive! good on you, jack. okay, let's turn to glen for the weather forecast. glen?

oh, my god, glen is dead! oh, no, wait, glen's alive. glenn, what's the weather looking like?" i wonder if this is what happened with jesus. i mean, what's more likely, that the son of god died and then came back to life, or that some jerusalem news anchor just read the story wrong? nah, i still believe the bible story, and i'll tell you why. because my grandma might watch this episode. i had, go-go. all right, that's your "ray of sunshine." let's get straight into the first up, researchers are finding that coronavirus arrived in the united states a lot earlier than we thought. officials in california have discovered "the country's first coronavirus-related death was weeks earlier than previously a new data analysis shows tens of thousands of hidden infections were silently

spreading through american cities in january and february. so basically, every day. we're still learning more and more about this coronavirus. get its whole origin story. like with the joker, where we were all like, "ohhh, he's evil, because he has to walk up those stairs everyday. it makes sense." but this is big news. if more people have been infected by the corona virus than we thought, then that means more people have survived the corona virus than we originally thought. which means the lockdowns don't help, because we weren't locked down, and the people didn't die, except that they did die, and we didn't know that they were dying. and now that they're not dying, which means the lockdowns are helping. so all we need is herd immunity, tracing programs that isolates the antibodies, and we should be fine! now, i don't know what any of that means but i read a lot of this on twisser. in other news, the coronavirus has been shutting down events all over the world, from sporting events, to concerts,

to that big illuminati meeting that was scheduled for the weekend of ( bleep ), at ( bleep ), next to the denny's on route 9. and now, corona has come for the national spelling bee. yeah, that's right, the spelling bee has officially been c-a-n...s....c? ( buzzer ) no, not c...e....l...d-- ( buzzer ) the point is, the spelling bee is not happening this year. and i feel so bad for these kids who have been training their whole lives for this, and now it's all for nothing. because, let's be honest, aside from winning this competition, there's no other use for knowing how to spell difficult words. "oh, my god, i think i'm having a heart attack! >> "no, but i can spell defibrillator. d-e.." now, if these spelling bee kids were planning to drown their sorrows, i've got some more bad news: germany has canceled

oktoberfest, partially because of coronavirus, partially because you can't celebrate oktoberfest when no one knows what month it is anymore. do you know about? because i don't know. and this is huge, because it's the first time oktoberfest has been canceled since world war ii. and it's actually nice that they had the decency to cancel it during world war ii, because, otherwise, that would have been very rude. ( german ) "und now we invade france! ♪ drah' di net um oh oh oh but for real, though, man this is a bigboro for germany. because oktoberfest is the one time a year germans actually have fun. the rest of the year, they bottle it up. yeah, they'll just be on a rollercoaster like, ( unemotional ) "here comes da loop-dee-loop. wooo. wooo. all right, that's it for the headlines. let's get to the big story. ever since coronavirus has started, nothing has been the same. policing is not the same, relationships are not the same, getting drunk at 10:oo a.m. is

not the same. i mean, it's way less exciting if everyone is doing it now. but there's one thing that's remained surprisingly constant, and that's been the chaos within the trump administration. because where most administrations would be galvanized by an external threat, they seem to think of chaos as an essential service that they need to keep providing. and yesterday, it all spilled out into the open, starting with a bombshell. the scientist in charge of the government's efforts to make a coronavirus vaccine suddenly got fired with no explanation. now, he says it's because he disagreed with president trump about pushing hydroxychloroquine as a miracle cure. but then, some people who worked with him said, actually, he wasn't good at his job and was working too slowly. and i'm sorry, people, but this is insane. we're in the middle of a pandemic, and trump's people are

squabbling like they're on an andy cohen reunion show. and to make things even worse, when president trump was asked why the guy in charge of finding a vaccine was fired, this is how he responded: >> i never heard of him. you just mentioned the name. i never heard of him. when did this happen? >> this happened today. >> i never heard of him. the guy says he was pushed out of a job. maybe he was. maybe he wasn't. i'd have to hear the other side. i don't know who he is. >> trevor: that's right. trump has never heard of the guy in charge of finding a vaccine. and you know what? to be honest, part of me is not surprised. ( aide ) "sir, do you want to meet the top scientist working on a vaccine?" ( trump ) "sift? eww, gross. i'd rather meet my son eric." and here's my question about trump: why does he never hear of the people trying to solve problems, but has people who cause problems. "hello, giuliani? yeah, someone is trying to find a cure. can you go to their lab and do your tasmanian devil thing?" i don't understand how trump has never heard of the person in charge of finding the vaccine to the disease that has

shut down the entire world. and don't tell me it's because he's too busy. i mean, this is the same man who says he's been watching every nightly news show, plus cnn, msnbc in the morning, fox news on weekend afternoons, and even reruns of baseball. reruns! let me tell you something. if you have time to watch reruns of baseball, you have ime for anything. baseball is boring when it's happening. watching it in reruns is like watching paint dry through a powerpoint presentation. "and for this next one..." but, you know what, maybe the vaccine guy is lucky trump doesn't know who the hell he is, because the people that trump does know about have it even worse. robert redfield, director of the c.d.c. and "guy who owns a pharmacy in every western," made news when he told "the washington post" that next winter, a second wave of coronavirus could be even more difficult to handle, because it could coincide with flu season. and the idea of corona and flu hitting us simultaneously is terrifying.

because that means we're going to have to do double social distancing. we're going to have to wear two masks, stay 20 feet away from people. we're going to have to watch celebrities sign "imagine" twice. and the president was clearly unhappy with what the c.d.c. director said, because right after the article came out, trump tried to call backsies. >> reporter: the president also trying to walk back the head of the c.d.c.'s warning about a second wave of the virus next fall claiming it was fake news... >> totally misquoted. i spoke to him. he said it was ridiculous. he was talking about the flu and corona coming together at the same time. >> ...bringing redfield to the podium to clarify. >> i didn't say that this was going to be worse. i said it was going to be more difficult and potentially complicated, because we'll have flu and coronavirus circulating at the same time. gl ahh, okay, so it's not going to get worse.

it's just going to be "more difficult" and "complicated." if only there was one word that could summarize that general feeling. you know, i'll be honest. i actually feel bad for all the experts who have to share the stage with trump. because think about it. they have to walk a fine line of giving accurate information while not saying anything that could trigger their boss. working for trump is like being in a way married to carole working for trump is like being in a way married to carole baskin-- just a constant state of fear. what makes this thing worse-- i'm sorry, what makes it more difficult to contain is that the chaos is now spreading across the country. last week, trump encouraged the governors to reopen their economies. but now that georgia's trump-loving governor brian kemp, did exactly that.

and then trump was, "oh, snap, you on your own, son." >> i told the governor of georgia, brian kemp, that i disagree strongly with his decision to open certain facilities. i want him to do what he thinks is right, but i disagree with him on what he's doing. so do i agree with him? no. but i respect him, and i will let him make his decision. would i do that? no. i'd keep them a little longer. i want to protect people's lives. >> trevor: you have got to be kidding. trump didn't just throw brian kemp under the bus. he looked up the bus schedule in advance and then told brian kemp to meet him in the road at 3:15. and then guess who was driving? and you know, this is what you get when you roll with donald trump. these guys are trying so hard to suck up to him, and then when they're fully committed, bam, he can just sell you out. this whole trump and kemp thing reminds me of eminem and "stan." in fact, it's almost exactly the same as eminem and "stan." ( kemp )

"hey, donald, i just opened up my state. dare me to drive?" ( trump ) "i said that shit just clowning, man. how (bleep) up is you? i seen this one shit on the news they opened bowling alleys, too. and now that think about it, oh, shift, it was you. after the break, we're checking in with roy wood jr. so stick around. we'll we're here for you and we're open. wow. i'm an original. one of a kind. you feel me? love ya'. oop! you look cute! better than you? pop my 100% all-white-meat classic or spicy popcorn chicken combo for just $5.99.

my new bite-sized, crispy popcorn chicken is so irresistible you'll want them whenever, so don't resist! pop 'em while you game, hang, or do your thing. pop my 100% all-white-meat classic or spicy popcorn chicken combo for just $5.99. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily social distancing show." recently, one of the fun little things that has been keeping people sane is videos of celebrities making quarantine cocktails.

and you know what we thought, let's ask roy wood jr. for some of his mixology secrets. >> i was given the ingredients for negroni. i don't have the ingredients, but i will show you how to make a negroyid. i don't know if white people should be saying negroni. first thing, i want to you take your hennessey, throw it in the trash. nothing good ever came from hennessey. the first thing you want to look at when making a negroniy. you have your pints, you have your rocks, or if you is had a really long day you have your pail. we want to make sure the vodka is fresh and not spoiled. that's fresh. ice, a little bit the vodka, just a splash or more, two splashes. a different brand of vodka, put

that in as well. the next thing you want to do is going with the heavy cream or half and half, your choice. i'm going with a little half and half with that. i know some of you are lactose intolerant, so you can put a little lack today on top of that. if you don't have any lack today, whiskey does the trick just the same. so let's shake. all right! the drink is shook. they say you're supposed to shake this for 30 seconds. i only have five seconds' worth of stamina. i'm trying to get drunk. i'm not trying to do a damn zumba class. porit off ask there you go. the last and most important part is the garnish. i prefer peach mango salsa. and there you go. here it is, the negroyni. damn! when is the bar going to be open? gl thank you so much, roy. i hope you never quit your job.

when we come back, my guests will be r&b stars kenneth "babyface" edmonds and teddy riley. stick around for that, we'll be right back. keep it clean with the roomba robot vacuum. only roomba uses 2 multi-surface rubber brushes to clean all your floors. and with patented dirt detect technology, roomba finds dirt throughout your home. if it's not from irobot, it's not a roomba. yeah. this moving thing never gets any easier. well, xfinity makes moving super easy.

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daily social distancing show." earlier today, i got the chance to speak to r&b legends kenneth "babyface" edmonds and teddy riley, who recently broke instagram with a head-to-head live performance of their classic hits. we talked about that, and more. so check it out. teddy riley, babyface edmonds,

thank you so much for joining us. i'm not going to lie to you. i'm flustered. this is everything i have grown up with, are lived with, continue to live with. i want to jump straight into talking about what happened the other night. first of all, thank you. everyone is sitting at home, we're trying to find ways to connect and create a semblance of normal life. you broke instagram in a way it has never been broken before, having a versus battle. how did you think of doing this together? who started the conversation and how did it come to be. >> well, i seen it on instaland, timberland was talking to swiss, and the conversation kind of began with l.a. and babyface. somebody sent a message, and they said-- they says-- how about teddy riley battling babyface, or teddy riley

battling babyface and l.a.?" that was the last i seen of it. then i get a call. so that's-- you go. >> so, when i heard about it, i didn't know about it to that extent. and the whole idea of battling, i wasn't necessarily for it. just a battle, period. ( laughter ) to battle teddy to begin with. >> yeah. >> and it was-- you know, l.a. and babyface, because a lot of stuff, you know, a lot of the stuff we did, i did it with l.a., so it didn't seem right to come in here without l.a. because it was l.a. and babyface. and although there were some things i may have done separate, but still. it became under of a thing. i guess commercially it sounded good, like teddy riley and babyface. what's funny is the preparation for it. >> yeah. >> because you don't know, you know, what's of what's he going to play? i these are the songs.

okay, i have my answer written down right here. and he switched it up. and i said, "oh, no. what am i going to do now?" and it became a thing, and it-- the most important thing you wanted it to feel good. >> right. >> so it wasn't so much about beating each other. that was part of fun of it, but it was really about what's going to feel good. so every time he played something, truly, i was like a fan. i was like, "oh, man! that's that one.. i wish i wrote." i think i wrote it. i i think he stole it from me, actually. ( laughter ). >> i say the same thing. about to occasion. when he brought that out first. i started that wrong gl you have one of the best effortless michael jackson impersonation i have ever heard. and you were telling the amazing stories that connected us to the music and the stories behind the

music. you told the story of michael jackson and madonna. did you ever do your michael jackson impression for michael jackson? did he ever see you do that? >> yes, i did. he said, "i sound nothing like that. i don't sound like that, babyface." gl you know what i thought was amazing as well, when this was announced on instagram, i thought man this is going to be so much fun for a generation. i wonder if you, yourselves, were shocked to see not just how many people were consuming what you were doing but the vast range of people that had been influenced by what you've created throughout your lives. like, babyface, did you notice, like, how young some of the people were and just how the range-- it spanned across time? >> it's always a great feeling when you see people that like your music, and you see them singing and everything. but it still when, you know, when certain people come up to you and they say they know you, or they say they know a particular song. you're like, "how would you

know? how could you possibly know?" from every age group and every ethnicity. so this is a time where, you know, you need love. and you need to feel good. and feeling good music, whether you're groovein or whether you're nonetheless bedroom, we all want that. >> yeah. gl it felt like to me, you know, what you're saying was a feeling we were all experiencing when watching this instagram live with the two of us was, it was a feeling of love. it was-- it was a love not just for the music but for the stories that have been created with and around the music. it was a love for each other as poducers. it was a love for each other as creators. and i'll stwart you, babyface, because a lot of people were intrigued by the songs you chose. some people thought you would choose some of some of your more number one hits, and some thought you would go with mainstream songs. but you went with deep cuts. is there a reason you chose what you did and what did it feel

like to go through that journey with everyone? >> well, a lot of choices were made based off of what teddy would play. ( laughing ) and i sat with l.a. and we were going over everything, trying to fig outer what's he going to play? how is he going to play it? then we had to, you know, be conservative at the same time, because i know he's coming with the bangers towards the end. the last rounds he's going to come and start slapping me, and i didn't know if i was going to make it through it gl and, teddy, on your side? what was that like, going through your catalog, going through that experience with one of your icons and friends? >> the same. that's why i asked swizz, can we do this way where i go first, and he goes second? it worked, but i think it was a good-- that's why i kind of wanted to go off of him. i wanted people to feel the experience. so i kept playing the slow songs

till i ran out-- till my mind ran out. i didn't run out of slow songs. i couldn't choose from the list fast enough. that's how i went into deep. i said, "wrong choice." gl there were a few fun moments with instagram live itself. obviously, the first one had technical difficulties. the second one, you're doing something that instagram live wasn't really designed for. you're trying to get music right. you're trying to get the sound right. do you think you'll be online more or less? >> i don't know. i'm just rolling with the waestlesz, you know. that's what i feel like we both are doing. this is something new to us. >> yes. >> we're technical guys, for sure gl right. >> but with instagram, it's like another world. you're talking abou talking aboe 35 on there. so that's kind of-- we're kind of packed that, you know, coming on. people appreciate us being on. >> uh-huh. >> so we appreciate it, man.

everything that we get, come our way, i'm so appreciative. >> ultimately what came out of this was that, you know, we-- it's so cool when you think about it that teddy and i, we made history. >> yeah. >> and on a time when people were needing music, and needing love, we were able to deliver that and look at what we did, teddy. >> yeah. gl it's an amazing way to put it. and, honestly, the one thing i can say i appreciated and i was reminded of was just gratitude. i think the one thing that struck me was not just the amount that you've given, but the way it feels like you-- you have enjoyed everything you've received. so thank you to both of you. i honestly hope you appreciate what did you for everybody. it was one of the most amazing experiences that i think a group of people have had together on the internet for a really long time. and i hope it's not last battle, because i know there are still a lot of songs in that category. babyface, teddy riley, thank you

so much for your time today. and have a good one. >> thank you. >> thank you. well, that's our show for tonight. before we go, don't forget 26 million americans have lost their jobs and filed for unemployment which means many people around the country are struggling to find a meal right now. and you can help them. you can help them by donating to "feeding america. they're supplying food to millions of americans every day, stay safe out there, wash your hands, and remember, water your children at least once a week. now, here it is, your moment of zen. >> siding with the protesters, as you say, and going against his own policies. it is quite remarkable. it's not exactly clear the policies-- it's a little windy out here, andrea-- the attorney general was talking about-- general was talking about-- >> oh, my god! - vancouver court hotel. how may i help you? - hello, vancouver. this is michael scott