coronavirus pandemic has been germany's famous clubbing scene. but now there's a new club for germans who can't wait to get back to the dance floor but still want to be responsible. >> well, the clubs are closed but the beat goes on for party goers at this drive-in reef in ger mafnee, djs pumped out the music to the car bound crowd. socially distant dancing was allowed with no more than two people per vehicle. >> trevor: ja wol, because of corona germans started attending raves in their cars which i guess explains the new options at the gas station. and i can't wait to see all the new club dances that are going to be inspired by this. ten and two, ten and two, do the ten and two, come on, y'all. once again, corona is making people appreciate the things that we used to hate. because you realize right now this say drive-in rave but before coronavirus we just called that traffic. yeah, look at that.

you can't tell if st a rave or just rush hour on the 405. that is the party scene for adults in germany. and the good news is in china kids can also get back to having fun too. >> disneyland in shanghai just reopened today and this could pave the way for disney world in orlando to open. giving you an idea what to expect. the park in china will be kept at less than 30% capacity, lines and rides are going to be spaced out to meet social distancing guide lines and visitors will be screened for fever. characters also are no longer getting hugs or high fives but visiter can still take selfies. >> yes, this is great news. disneyland shanghai is back in business, just with a few added safety measures such as no hugs the characters, you know like cinderella, ariel and snow white. and i know that is really going to suck for all the kids and thaird creepy dads. i think staying away from disney charges say great idea, especially donald duck, that dude doesn't wear pants and spits when he talked, a one-man

corona factory. now if disneyland wants me to come back, they have to add even more precautions. i'm not playing with my life, first of all, disneyland you have to get richard the seven dwarf, but sneezy and sleepy, those guys are not cute any more, they are coronavirus symptoms. also from now on i say that nobody should be allowed to open their mouth when they are scream on a ride. you just have to hold it in. and finally in canada, people still aren't able to go out and have none. but one province is offering at least some help to families on lockdown. you see the old rule was that you were only allowed to have contact with people in your household bubble as it was called. but now they're saying that families can choose to double bubble by pairing up with another family. yeah, so each household will be allowed to hang out with members from another household and you can only choose one family and that decision is final. it is the perfect solution for all those people who are tired of screaming at their own families. now you have a whole new family

to scream at. and let's be honest, there is probably never going to be a better time to bring your it first family and your secret family together. >> honey, have i to confess something, i have a secret family. >> what? >> are you telling me that there is somewhere we could have gotten extra purell this whole time and you didn't say anything. >> if i was in canada, i would choose to live with drake. yeah, no one has thought of that, you have seen the size of his house. it's so big you could double bubble for months with that mother [bleep] and the toof you would never meet. >> left side yours, right side mine. okay, that is your ray of sunshine. let's catch up on today's headlines. all over the world every country is grappling with the billion dollar question. when is the right time to reopen. do we just let everyone out of the house now and say good-bye to grandpa and that one friend with asthma or do we stay inside forever and become a race of mole people who only leave the house for more toilet paper. these are the only choices. well, yesterday, bore is johnson, british prim prime

minister and man who looks like he was just in a pillow fight announce that britan's lockdown will continue until at least june. and then he went on to lay out a possible plan for slowly reopening. now that went okay. but then bore is created a lot of confusion when he changed the country's coronavirus slogan from stay home to it stay alert. which nobody really understands. like think about t stay at home makes sense. we all know what stay at home is, you stay at home. stay alert, what does that mean? it is too general. stay alert is you say when you are boarding an alien spaceship or searching for a parking spot stvment too broad. so i understand why british people are confused. in fact, they haven't been this confused since they tasted seasoned food for the first time. good lord, what are these strange sensations in my mouth? it is like my tongue can see colors. now while britan is going with the slow and trp sphed steady approach, some in america are choosing a slightly different

method known as yippie ki yay. >> all of colorado is currently under a safer at home order put in place by the governor. >> and that is not stopping some restaurants from de sighing that order and welcoming customers inside. >> this restaurant was packed yesterdays. video from inside shows there was a line out the door. booths were packed, tables were filled. very few of these customers were wearing masks. obviously there was no social distancing. the owner of c & c here made her feelings clear posting these signs all over the front saying attention, our freedom doesn't end where your fear begins. if you are scared, stay home. >> trevor: goddam, i have been to brunches where i have said thissed into is to die for but i have never meant it. like when did going to a restaurant become an ak of revolution? >> i miss the days when the only political date at brunch was who invited melissa. and i got to say, revolting against the government because of brunch has got to be one of the whitest things i have ever seen.

this is like a khaki short sale at a hockey game. stand not just colorado's business owners who are defying the rules. in texas a dallas beautician was jailed after opening her salon during the lockdown. and after she was released, ted cruz walked up to show his support. >> texas senator ted cruz traveled from his home here in houston to dallas to get a haircut at a salon whose stylist was sint to jail for violating stay at home orders. cruz says he wanted to show support for shelley luther. she was sentenced to seven days in jail and given a $7,000 fine for keeping her salon open against the governor's initial orders. the texas supreme court ordered luther's release on thursday, governor abbott changed the executive order to remove jail time as a penal for violates. >> what are we doing when there say police sting trying to go after beauticians for trying to earn a living. last i checked there are some real criminals in the world. >> what a twist, this salon order broke the law by keeping

her business open. and because of public outcry, she is now a hero being celebrated by senator ted cruz. you know it is funny how in america if you break the law and you look a certain way, well then you're a criminal. but if you break the law and you look a different way, well then the law needs to be changed because are you just a freedom-loving plaryn exercising your right. now i know some people sthi this woman deserves to be in jail. but for me, having to cut ted cruz's hair, that's punishment enough. that should be everyone's pirnment for breaking shut down law. you have to spend an hour with ted cruz, guilty, bam. how can didn't eastern know ted cruz got haircut. i just assume he ate it when it got to law, i'm not going to lie, i find it bizarre that hair points have become one of the flash points of the debate overlockdown. this is one point where people should look to donald trump for leader shivment he doesn't cut his hair, he just folds it over like a crepe. and finally for an

exem-- example of how dangerous it can be to reopen too quickly. here is a story out of south korea wants this morning 4,000 clubs and bars in seoul are closed as testing sites, long lines as health workers try to track at least 5500 people who went clubbing more nan a week ago and might be infected. they say a 29 year old man went to at least three nightclubs the night of may 1st, wasn't wearing a mask and tested positive for covid-19 last wednesday. the city's mayor ordering all nightclubs and bars to close indefinitely saying carelessness can cause the virus to explode. daily cases are now spiking. 35 this morning. the biggest drive since early april. >> wow. one man in south korea, closed an entire city's nightlife scene because he went club hobbing without a mask. >> and i guess that gives a whole new meaning to the term shut it dowfnlt he's also a pioneer. because usually you don't catch a disease until you gohome from

the club,-- if you know what i mean. i don't who that means, i just say it which by the way is why bouncers have to step it up in the aidges of coronavirus. they have to be the one blocking people like. this come on man, come on, no shorts, no test, what are you doing with a respiratory illness. you can't come in, i don't care how many girls you got, get out of here. don't come in here with a respiratory illness trying to infect people with pulmonary embolisms and shit. you can only imagine that everyone in korpia is mad at this due. although the good new sis heard ted cruz is down to go clubbing with him that is it forth headlines. after the break, remember how mike pence and donald trump don't like wearing masks? well, that might be coming back to bite them in the ass. we'll be right back.

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welcome back to the daily social distancing show. our big stories today is about the white house. done all trump's home and melania's escape the room. for months president trump has been saying the coronavirus pandemic isn't as big a deal as everyone is suggesting. but now the virus is responding by saying knock knock, byotch. >> the trump administration is fighting to contain a outbreak of coronavirus sweeping through the white house this morning. >> in 48 hours two members of the white house staff tested positive for the virus. first on thursday it was the president's personal valet, a military service member on the team that served his lunch in the oval office. then friday the vice president's press secretary katie miller tested positive. >> katie mill certificate married to stephen miller, president trump's senior policy advise are. the president is now reveals what his military valet was right there with him the day before the vealt tested positive. >> on tuesday he was in the room

and very virtually, i don't think any contact. but he was in the room. >> the valet's duties included serving the president lunch and those diet cokes, he drinks all day long. >> trevor: oh snap. the coronavirus is now officially in the white house. and that's scary. although it is just like anything else that lands in the white house t won't last more than a few weeks. and i won't lie, i'm not surprised that this started in stephen miller's house that dude has always give enoff major bit inby a bat vibe. but it not just those two members of the white house staff. because it turns out coronavirus is also spreading to the secret service. >> at least 11 secret service employees are reportedly sick with covid-19. this time the sick employees are not yet known. this morning the white house is looking to ramp up social distancing measures including having more secret service agents wear masks and stay six feet apart during meetings. >> trevor: okay, i know this

is bad. but the fact that the secret service has coronavirus and the president doesn't, just shows you how good they are at doing their job. we have got a close talker on your sixth. i will intercept. excuse me. out, out, out. >> i got all the particles, we're good. i'm not going to lie, i feel bad for secret service agents because they are some of the only people at the white house who can't work from home it is not an option. i mean how do you protect the president if you are not there. what are you going to do. send him a text. look out, sir, he's begging you. >> what, who is begging me? yo, hello. oh, sorry, auto correct, he's behind you. ah, now while the secret service may be stuck with trump, other officials have been able to get the hell out of there. in fact, dr. fauci, the head of the cdc and the head of the fda are all now under some form of self-quarantine for the next two weeks. and i will be honest, i don't know who's happier about this. trump or the experts. yeah, cuz they ask finally-- in

the background. so dr. fauci is working from home, as opposed to trump who will continue not working from home. and because this coronavirus outbreak say big deal, the white house is taking a number of other safety precautions. for example, they have announced that they will now be starting what they call heightened levels of daily cleaning. yeah, which is something they haven't had to do since bill clinton lived there. now despite coronavirus spreading into trump's inner circle, trump himself, will change his attitude when it comes towards virus, for example he is still refusing to wear a mask. even when meeting a grouch elderly world war ii veterans. >> there were no masks to be seen as the president and first lady melania attended a ceremony for the 75th anniversary of victory in europe. in world war ii. >> they were careful though to keep their social distance from the veterans who were all in their 890s. >> mr. president, were you with seven american heroes earlier today, these world war two veterans. >> i was. >> all in their '90s.

did you consider wearing a mask when you were with them. >> no, because i was very far away i appreciate the question. i was very far away from them, as you know. i would have loved to have gone up and hugged them because they are great. i had a conversation we have ree one but we were very far away. you saw. plus the wind was blowing so hard and such a direction that if the plague ever reached them, i would be very surprised. it could have reached me too you didn't worry about my, you only worried about me. but sna is okay, i they are so pleur, it will never happen, they lived a great life. >> trevor: wow, ask it just me or did trump go through all the stages of stupidity in one answer. i was very far from them. and there was no daryng. even if i wasn't far enough, the wind what blowing in sump a direction that it was totally safe. you didn't worry about me. you only worried about them. but that's okay. look, these guys it have lived a

great life. so. look, man, whatever trump's excuse was, i just hope all those veterans are safe, because you can imagine surviving hitler only to be taken out by trump? that would be so anticlimactic it would be like if batman beat bane and died slipping o on a banana peel. stand bad enough if trump doesn't want to wear a mask but even worse he also seems to be learning all the wrong things from this white house outbreak. >> mr. president, you can bring us up to speed about the member of the vice president's staff who is now tested positive for coronavirus, now the second staffer in the west wing. >> katie, she tested very good for a long period of time and then all of a sudden today she tested positive some of she tested positive out of the blue. this is why the whole concept of tests aren't necessarily great. >> trevor: i'm sorry, but this is just insane. this dude literally said the reason why tests are useless is because they work?

like does trump also get mad at the white house metal detectors? these metal detecters make no sense. every day we scan for the guns but there is no guns. and today we found a gun. so this whole concept of metal detectors, is not great to me, folks. and you know, what is most concern being this whole thing is that you would have hoped, you would have hoped that trump seeing the effectiveness of testing first hand in his own house would have convinced him that testing is the best solution for the rest of america. but show trump came away with the exact opposite lesson. and that is a pretty bad sign for america. but i guess it's good news for donald trump's health. because if he is this immune to common sense, well, than what chance does a virus have. all right, i got to go take my bread out of the oven. when we come back, dulingse sloan is going to school us on sloan is going to school us on it the census, so stick arou [anthony] hey mama, what's up? [mama] i'm confused. confused about what, everything ok?

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daily social distancing show. we all know that 2020 is an election year. but this year is also the year of the census, something that only happens every ten years but why should americans spend time on the census while the country is dealing with the pandemic? well, disulse sloan sat down with a former census official to help us find out why. >> during quarantine mi getting two things, some dudes will see if i'm docked up and remind tore take the census. and i know just who to call to make it so. hi. >> hey, dulce. >> why you sending me all this mail to do something on the internet. >> in is the first time the census has been done online and it only takes ten minutes. >> listen, during sth quarantine i got so much on my plate, trying to work on this dating profile, in the mistled buzzfeed quiz z and all these new instagram filters. they got one that makes you look

like. >> takes ten minutes, ten minute force school lunches, for highways, for schools, for health care. >> while i hate to admit t bob may have a point. every ten years the u.s. certain sus tries to count how many people live in america. it uses those numbers to decide how to splid up federal funding for things like fire station, schools and hospitals. these numbers even determine how many representatives each state has, which is why the census has made so many ads to con fins to you get off your ass and fill out their little survey. >> the census really is about money and power. >> you said ten minutes let's go. internet. >> the inten sus bureau is my 2020 census.gov that is the official seb sus website. >> so if i could take it my census.bigger kitty tomorrow.info, that is not an official site. >> that is not the census bureau

>> look. >> what if i splilt my time in two places. have i a man friend that sometimes stay at his place which is technically is a de funk tood truck. >> the census attempts to count everybody in the country. some people live in mobile homes within. >> i told him there is no market tbor a condiments food truck but he makes his own decision. >> can't help with you that one, dulce. we want to count everyone just once and only once and then the place where they usually stay it goes that will be the basis of all the effects of the census. >> that is easy enough for me to answer. i'm a citizen but for some how many people live here is a loaded question. >> i hear that you know there are people that are concerned they are going to report to ice or report to the cops and st going to affect people's status or citizenship. >> there is no citizenship question on the 2020 census. >> i think people just distrust them from we don't believe that a government agency cannot

communicate information to another government agency and that is not allowed with this. >> it is even better than that stvment against the law to reveal your answers identified with you to anybody, twuns is in the census bureau st protected. >> so it is a no stitching law. >> a big time no snitching law. >> i get it. count everyone in the government will do right by us. there is just one problem. not all of us are getting counted. >> so there are a lot of articles about how the certain sus is bad at counting black people y is that. >> the kind of folks who end up traditionally being undercounted are those who are renters versus owners, for example. households with multiple families in them, all of these conditions are more common to poorer populations. and the unfortunate part is african-americans tend to be poorer than others. >> i don't know why we are always going to act like black

people are hard to count when the police are always finding us and seem to always know where we are at. >> that is the big issue, dulce. those communities who don't trust government confuse the census request as another way that they mile be harmed by government. and it is just not true. >> so if the census traditionally undercounts us and the government has shown us multiple times that you can't trust it, why. >> i get it but you have to understand that participating in the census allows your community its fair share of over 800 billion in support for education, health, school lunches, highways, if you don't sponld your community is going to get cheated. >> so if i don't do this my community is going to get cheated. >> that's right. >> and they might get cheated otherwise but if they don't do this they are definitely going get cheated.

>> you're right. >> we need you on a commercial, dulce. >> yeah, you do. hey, black people, look, i can't promise great things will happen if you take the census. but if you don't, i can promise you these white people will use those low numbers to cheat you out of the schools, hospitals and representation that should be yours. so take the damn census and let them know. hey, i know you [bleep] see me. >> trevor: thank you so much, dulce. when we come back i will be chatting to bakari sellers about his brand new book and we'll get into the killing of ahm

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we ateams has given us the9 techpossibilityonse on teams. if you're living with hiv, keep loving who you are. to continue to innovate. i can bring them in, i can actually share my screen and show the x-rays. we can do that in a visit like this. we're living on teams. it's as simple as that. amanda nunes wears hers with pride. from standing up for herself against the doubters, to being the only woman in her mma training gym... amanda refused to let stereotypes get in her way... whether inside the octagon or out. since 1925, we've proved that it doesn't matter where you come from, it matters what you're made of. modelo. the official beer of ufc. welcome back to the daily social distancing show. earlier today i spoke with former south carolina lawmaker

bakari serls about his new book, my vairning country. bakari sellers, welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> thank you for having me, it's an awesome opportunity. >> trevor: i like how your beard has come in. it is a very majestic prove sor y'all, the full coronavirus beard going on. >> this is dern zellish, that is what i like to call it it. >> trevor: let's jump straight into talking about your book which unfortunately feels more timely than ever. you have written a story that is a memoir of your life but in many ways it feels like the story of america as well. my vanishing country. tell me what the tight of the book means and if you really feel that way about america. >> well sure. my life has been book ended by tragedy. i say that with a heavy heart, from the orangeburg massacre and my father being shot in 1968 to the charleston massacre. and throughout the book we talk about different traumas and different heartaches and different systems of oppression that people of color have to live through, that i have lived

through. and so now with coronavirus and it ripk the bandaid off the health care dispairlts we have, i am able to parallel that about growing up in a community where we don't have clean water, where we don't scrai hospital, where we live in a food desert and then you layer that with the sad case of ahmaud arber diszy and you talk about the perpetual trauma that people of color, particularly black men have to live through, so my vanishing country means a few things. when you give the word country some meaning being a boy from the dirt roads of the south but even more importantly, those truths that we hold to be something that all americans can realize, seem to be fleeting especially for people, immigrants and people of color in this country. >> trevor: yeah, you would think that people would just go yes, this is america's history and these are some of the effects, the systemic problems that still effect black people today and yet it seems like people disagree on it more than ever. if somebody thinks new good

faith backar aye, i doptd understand why black people seem to think things are bad in america when they have gotten so much better. how do you respond if they don't see it an are trying to see it. >> in is, first of all sth is probably the most difficult conversation that this country has to have is a conversation of race. and take for example the ahmaud arbery case, this is not a phenomenon, this is not just something that happened with the racism that emanates from the white house. i think of emmettity style, jimmy lee jack sorchlt i think about the little girlts in the birmingham church. and so when you think about the totality of these circumstances, you realize that we made a lot of progress but we still haven't reached that quote unquote mountain top. we have not made it. there one the funny things people like to bring up is oh my god wherks barack obama elected president. you guys have made it that is not the case.

when you talk about these layers, i'm not concerned about somebody calling me nigger, i'm not, i'm more concerned about the systemic levels of oppression that people of color live in today, a broken health-care system, a broken environmental justice system, a broken criminal justice system, a broken educational justice system. because in this country you're punished because of the zip code are you born into. and all of these pressures just rest on you and build your anxiety. and now we have corona and now these never ending traumas. it seems like you are just trying to breathe sometimes. >> trevor: what do you think it says about america that so many people used the individual yof ahmaud arbery n that empty house, the house being constructed as a justification for his death, for his killing i should say. >> he did something that people do all the time. hell, me and my wife do it he walked into an empty home. he was looking around an empty home. that is not a crime that requires the death penalty.

but even more importantly, those two men who were on that good old farkszed south georgia father son lynch theg looked at him as less than human. and that is the hard part for me in raising twins, raising a 14 year old daughter and i have 16 month old twins, teaching them that they can be a doctor, that they can be a lawyer, that they can be the host of "the daily show" but also telling them one day that you know, they have to be cautious about the way they interact because there say segment of the public that doesn't believe that they are human and doesn't want to give them dignity. >> trevor: that is something that i was intrigued to read and understand from your point of view. because i want wondered, how do you talk to your kids and say to them, you can be anything you want to be. do you have these opportunity, but at the same time, there are certain things that will hold you back and certain things that to be afraid of. like which, which part do you take as a parent, do you, you know, do you say to your kids hey, if you see the police, just try and be as calm as possible, try not to engage, which talk,

some people go you know your rights, fight your your rights, other z say hey man, now is not the time to fight about your rights. which attitude have you taken as a parent. >> i mean ti come from, and one of the things that i talk about in the book is i am a child of the civil rights movement. my father was shot, february 8th, 1968 by law enforcement, protesting in the orangeburg massacre. so my nary always taught us growing up, having to do with his interactions with law enforcement that you should always, you never stop in a dark area. you always drive to the next exit, always drive to a well lit area. we'll fight those battles in court. for me, with these twins now, my job is to hopefully make sure they have a better america than the one that i inherited. the same dream as my father had. the trouble that i have and the reason i wrote my vanishing country, i talk about it in one of the latter chapters is you know, five years ago, almost five years ago i was standing in

front of a church, mother emmanuel. clenlte-- was a friend, he let dylan roofe into his church, a full hour bible study, i killed nine people because of the color of their skin. i was stands in front of that church about a week late we are my father and tears were rolling down my face as i was explaining to the country that we were having many of the same shared experiences he was 30rbgs i was 30rbgs and he was 70. and so for my twins, what i have to do, what we have to do, what everybody watching has to do is continue to work to make sure that they inherit a better country than the one that i did and right now that is tough. those conversations are tough because in their eyes sparkle, you do know that racism is real, systems of injustice are real, not getting the ben filt of their humanity is real. and i just don't want them to be on the front of a t-shirt or us to have to wear another hoodie to march to them or us to have to get arizona skittles or us to have to jock two miles for thevment you know, i'm living

for all of those people whose lives were cut short so one day my children can be free. >> how do you feel about is the discussion in and around sharing these videos yoon line because there is clearly a risk. some people think these videos should never be shared because all they do is further the you know, the almost joy of lynching that white supremacists may engage in, in seeing the videos. it furthereds that narrative. others would say no, without the sprid yotion, then often time there is no justice. and it feels like an argument where nobody is wrong but an argument that people are having none the less, do you have any thoughts. >> yeah, i think we are have to show those videos. there ray couple of things. firks let's deal with the arbery case, because if we did not see that video, they saw the video. it took 73 days for the arrest. not because of the video, but because we saw the video, the american public saw the video. and so i think that that is necessary. i remember the walter scott case, young man in charleston,

south carolina shot in the back. but for that young man who was at the barbershop filming that incident, there would have been no arrest. so we have to make sure we do that. but again, st parallel with the civil rights movement. there is one glaring image people remember strkts picture of emmitt still who allegedly whistled at a white woman. and i challenge for those individuals who haven't seen that picture, to google it, his face is beaten and he literally has no bones left in his body and that picture, that image, before images go viral t stim lated a whole generation. so i think those images are necessary. not necessarily for justice, but just so we can have transparency. and to be completely honest to make white folk uncomfortable. because we have to be uncomfortable to have this discussion. and unless white people literally see these injustice, sometimes there say connection that at the don't really happen. and they do. >> trevor: bakari, thank you so much for your time, congratulations on an amazing book and hopefully we will have you back soon. thank you so much, my dude, have

a good one. >> thanks. >> trevor: thank you so much for frp bakari sal sellers, my vanishing country, the book is available for pri order. i suggest you go out and get it that sour shoavment but before we go the covid pandemic has also taken a serious toll on many people's mental health. and here in the united states the disaster-- the health line is trying to address this. they have counselors trained to address the mental health needs of this situation. and if are you able to help them, than all you need to do is donate whatever you can if you would like to support new yorkers in this crisis please donate to nyc well which is also providing free, confidential mental health support. >> until tomorrow, stay safe out there wash your hands, and remember stay emotionally positive and coronavirus negative. boom, now here it is, your moment of zen. >> what kieched music did you think you were making then? >> joyful music it was making everybody happy strks also a

racist-- it st. >> brings raises together. >> it did bring them together, white people were signature upstairs, black people were downstairs and the white people when i started singing would jump over the balcony and come down there with us, so it brought them together. >> does it bother you that you are so identified with-- how do you feel about being franks could tanza. >> have i no objection to any of that. there is something about an actor that wants to be recognized. i don't care if people say don't ask, d i don't give auto graftion, don't take a picture of me. i welcome the fact that somebody cares enough about me and my work that they say to me, you know, you make us laugh. and i can't tell you how much that it comes in at me. and as long as that's coming out, great, i love it.

[clears throat] hey, what's up? hey. any emails today? um, i don't think so. no? um, check your spam folder. oh, there it is. what?

um...50 signs your priest might be michael jackson. well done. topical. i am king of forwards. it's how i like to do business. everybody joking around. we're like friends. i am chandler. and joey. and, uh, pam is rachel. and dwight is kramer. so the monkey does the sex thing right... here! (michael) that's funny! that's funny. not offensive. because it's nature, educational. do you want the link? 'cause then you could forward it around. um, i... consider it. maybe, maybe. well, we'll see. because i don't know if it's a-- wha--come on! what has two thumbs and likes to bone your mom? this guy!

oh, you are so bad. yeah. oh, phew, ro, rah! aaah! oh, this guy is out of control. he is a madman. better get the bleep button ready for him. bleep bleep! what's up, halpert? still queer? (michael) uh-oh! oh ho ho! todd packer and i are total bff. best friends forever. he and i came up together as salesmen. one time we were out and we met this set of twins. and packer told them that we were brothers. and so, you know, one thing led to another. and we brought 'em back to the motel. and then packer did both of them. it was awesome. it was... ow ow ow! oh. okay, grade a gossip for you right now. randall, cfo, resigned. nobody knows why. are you kidding? everyone knows why! you don't know? oh, okay, check this out.

all right, so here's the story. so randall is nailing his secretary, right? and she's totally incompetent. really? here we go. buckle up, it's gonna be a bumpy one. we're talking "blonde incompetent," right? oh, yeah. like, uh, ten words a minute. talking. well, to be fair, blondes, brunettes. you know, there are a lot of dumb people out there. they are women, right? oh, wow! i didn't say it! i didn't say it! i said it. and then, suddenly, for no reason, this bimbo blows the whistle on the whole thing just to be a bitch. oh, wow, what'd i tell you about the bleep button? hey, what has two thumbs and hates todd packer? this guy! i meant to ask you, you think you can get someone to drive me around because of the dui situation? oh, bad boy. um, ryan. [makes quacking duck sound] come on, kid, let's go. oh, man. that todd packer can do anything. except pass that breathalyzer.