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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  May 14, 2020 7:00pm-7:45pm PDT

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>> yes, if eating in a half empty restaurant makes you uncomfortable, now you have the option of eating in the final scene of a horror movie, much more relaxing. also how bad would you feel if you are eating alone and then you look over and you see that even the guy made out of plastic was able to get a date. and look, i get what this restaurant was trying to do. but i think they went too far when they also used mannequins to occupy all the bathroom stalls. >> excuse me, what's taking so long in there. come on. i got to get back to my table. i think sheila is going to propose. i mean why else would she bring me here. why would someone bring me here if they are not going to propose. you know who is probably really going to love this restaurant, mark zuckerberg. wow, everyone at this place is so life-like, the bartender, look like fellow humans. speaking of the zuck, facebook, the world's largest social network and elderly tiktok is bringing millions of users together in a really unexpected way. >> more than a million people are spending time during
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quarantine pretendk too be ants. >> this facebook group is called group where we all pretend to be ants in a colony. look at one of the posts here. ants crawling on ice cream, one person says munch with me and then take some to the queen. you can see the comments say nom, slurp and lift to queen. >> trevor: okay. this is really interesting. to take their minds off of the stress of corona millions of facebook users are pretending to be ants. and you thought you were the only one in quarantine feeling a little antsy. back to you, sandra. look, man, i get it, i get it. who wouldn't want to live the carefree life of an ant, right. you spend all your time carrying crumbs 5,000 times your body weight until the day some asshole kid steps on you because he's board, bored. sounders like a dream. i know a lot of people are just having fun. but please remember when ever
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there is something fun on facebook there is a good clans it is created by the russians. let's all pretend to be ants. we bring sugar to queen. then we not vote for joe biden. >> and finally, here's another way people are keeping from going crazy during this pandemic. taking the coronavirus outside and beating the crap out of it. >> well, this strange sight showed up in a backyard in a lita. who is it, a covid-19 pinata, of course. jennifer wersal tells us a friend made it for her son's 18th birthday last weekend. apparently people liked the idea of using a pinata for some stress release and a few laughs. abc-- known for the colorful pinatas it makes has added the pinatas to line-up. >> we can dress it for different occasions like our kids that didn't get to have a graduation, we are going to put a cap and maybe put a gown on it so that they can just hit it and get their frustration out. >> trevor: yeah! that's what i am talking about.
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people are making corona pinatas and showing the virus who is boss. except instead of candy a punch hydroxychloroquine pills falls out, self-medication. but here's a tip, if you have got cor own virus strung up, make sure to intergate it before you destroy it we need to find out its secrets. who sent you? are you the chinese virus or are you the european virus. or do people just change your name depending on their political affiliation. huh? >> i just pray trump doesn't see one of these videos because you know he will propose it at the next breaferring. >> and i saw some peopling using sticks to destroy the coronavirus. maybe we can put sticks inside people, maybe we from shrinker down the sticks an beat the coronavirus inside the body. can we check that out. is that something we can do. >> trevor: so go out there, have some fun, and smash a corona pinata. just whatever you do, don't use a bat because corona lovers bats. thank you, guys, thank you, thank you. all right, that is enough
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silliness. let's catch up on today's headlines. our first headline is about twitter. the only place on the internet where pulitzer prize winning journalists can get into fights with ukrainian teenagers yesterday twitter c.e.o. jack dorsey told 5,000 of his employees working at home that they should never come back to work some twitter employees will never have to go back to the office if they don't want to, jack dorsey told them they may can work at home forever this he the want and their job enables them tow do so. they were asked to work from home at the beginning of march to prevend the sprefd the virus. twitter sas i the past few monthness show they can make it work. >> trevor: twitter is telling employees even after coronavirus is over, they can continue working from home for as long as they want. which sa maizing.
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and i hope more companies follow suits. cuz there are so many advantages to working from home. first of all, your daily commute is like five seconds. secondly, your office affair is actually good for your marriage, and third, good luck to them trying to fire you over a zoom call. sorry, what did you say, boss? sorry, i can't-- no, di-- i'm going take some extra vacation days and we'll talk in a few weeks, okay, bye bye now. i guess the only problem working from home makes it much harder to steal your cowork's lunch. hmmmm, nice las ang yas. (laughter) d lasagna. next up, jaryd kushner, senior presidential aid and mannequin eating in a fancy restaurant. he had a general election thought that kind of freaked a lot of people out. >> president trump's senior advisor and son in law jared kushner one-on-one, what he said when asked if the presidential election could be delayed. >> that interview you saw with the president's son in law jared kushner raised eyebrows when kushner was asked by time if there was a chance the presidential election could be
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postponed due to the pandemic. >> president trump's sonl and senior advisor jared kushner is making news, in an interview with time magazine kushner said he was not certain the presidential election would happen on november 3rd if there is another outbreak of coronavirus in the fall. >> trevor: oh my god. jared kushner, might delay the election? that is not good. let me tell you something, my friends. an election is like ming, you have to do it when are you supposed to do it or your democracy will get a uti. and honestly, i can't believe that jared kushner said. this and the reason i can't believe it is because he didn't actually say this. >> yeah, because everyone from news outlets to thousands of people on twitter are reacting off of the headline. but if you watch the actual interview, this is what jared kushner said. >> is there any scen regardio including a second outbreak in the fall where the election move past november 3rd? >> that is too far in the future to tell, nothing that i am award of now but again our focus right
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now is just on getting. >> will the election happen on november 3-rd. >> it is not my decision to make so i am not sured i can comment one way or another but right now that is the plan. >> trevor: not only did jared kushner so the not say he is delaying the question, he laughs off the question and say sts not his decision to make. and look, i'm not a fan of jared kushner. but i don't think it's helpful for anybody to stir up shit like this at a time like. this i mean people are out here pretending to be ants. they don't need added stress in their lives. so please, news outlets or whoever is putting these headlines up, let's not gin up controversy where it doesn't need to be. especially since there are so many real things you can get mad at jar easy kushner for. giving ppe contracts to his buddies, having sleepovers with the saudi prince or speaking in a freak see that summons locust for miles away. and finally you might have heard that last week former president
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barack hallelujah obama called strump's coronavirus response absolutely chaotic disaster, well yesterday mimp mcconnell decided to clap back. >> just a day after former president obama ripped the trump administration's response to the covid-19 outbreak, senate majority leader mitch mcconnell had this sharp criticism of obama. >> i think president obama should have kept his mouth shut. but i think it's a little bit classless, frankly to critique an administration that comes after you. >> trevor: wow. i knew mcconnell had balls, cuz they're all right there in his neck scrotum but i didn't know they were big enough to call president obama classless, and tell him to keep his mouth shut. and is it just me or did he say classless with a hard r. like really, mitch? you think obama is classless? my man, your favorite president called his own mistress a horse face on twitter during his
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presidency. and you know what, maybe there was a time when former presidents would pretrain from criticizing current ones. but that was before trump, the same way scrunchies used to be considered tacky, but then coronavirus came along and the old rules, they don't apply any more. all right, that is it for the headlines. after the break, we're going to do a segment on drugs. wait, that didn't sound right. we're going to do a segment high on drugs. no, that's not it. anyway, we'll be right back. keep it clean with the roomba robot vacuum. only roomba uses 2 multi-surface rubber brushes to clean all your floors. and with patented dirt detect technology, roomba finds dirt throughout your home. if it's not from irobot, it's not a roomba.
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resa place to celebrate,been to take a first date, to grab a meal between soccer practice and piano. and even though tables are empty at the moment... ...the kitchens are full, prepping everything so it's just right. keeping customers safe. and making the food as delicious as ever. they're still there for you. now you can be there for them. while the doors may be closed, the kitchens are open for delivery. daily social distancing show. usually when we talk about coronavirus we focus on the livers lost, the economy and jobs. but the truth is this pandemic is affecting our world in a million different ways. and one of those affects is on the drug trade.
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which we're going to explore in our new segmenting narcos in the time of corona. let's begin with a gateway drug, weed, aka marijuana, aka the kushner because it solves all your problems. it doesn't. like netflix and japanese toilets, weed is something we're appreciating more and more during the lockdown. >> with soo many people self-isolating at home, at least one industry is booming, it's the marijuana industry. >> the orders are starting as soon as we open at 8:30 and just going consistently until we closed. >> sales have never been stronger than during shelter in place. delivery at a social distance, of course. this mother of two likes her mommy mints. >> cannabis business owners say they are hiring more drivers to meet the demands. >> while mom now delivers dime bags, she has also picked up some of the lingo. >> i didn't understand what
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headey was but that is a word that is in the dictionary. >> trevor: you know, i don't think i will ever get used to how much the weed game has changed. cuz it used to be some shady dudes on the corner. now it is the lady who used to bring orange slices for everyone at half time. it is going to be real awkward when all those weed dealers who got incarcerated come back home to find their street corners got gentrified. >> back up, buddy, this is karen's corner now. but yes, people are stocking up on legal weed because of the corona shut down. because for a lot of people weed say great way to de stress and pass the time at home, plus now we all have the perfect execution not to hang out with our dealer. oh, sorry, dude, i would love to hang out with you and have you smoke half the weed that you just made me pay for, but social distancing. so for the legal drug trade, business is booming like crazy. but it turns out, that all over the world the illegal drug trade has been struggling hard because of coronavirus.
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because it is alot harder to hand people drugs when nobody is supposed to be touching. >> police say the coronavirus lockdown is helping them catch drug dealers cuz they're easier to spot on our empty streets. >> many of them are now dressing as joggers to avoid police de terks. >> police say drug dealers are posing as delivery workers carrying cocaine and ketamine hiderned in the bottom of delivery packages. >> i learned they had a pizza box with two handguns in it and eight killograms of cocaine. >> trevor: that's right, drug dealers are too easy to spot right now so they are going undercover as joggers and pizza delivery guys. and that has to be such a roller coaster of emotions. you can imagine a drug dealer shows up with a pizza box full of drugs. a random pizza showed up, yarry. ah, it's just drugs,iay. if you are a drug dealer who is trying to smuggle, you have to pick the right pizzar box though. you carrying a papa john's box, that would be a dead giveaway. hands up, this is the police,
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drop the box, what, i'm just delivering some of papa johns. >> nice try, buddy. i don't care how desperate people are, nobody is ordering popa jongs. >> but the impact is nothing compared to how the pandemic is messing with the big picture. in fact, the entire global drug trade has been brought to its knees by covid-19. >> mexican and colombian drug car tells are really being crippled by this pandemic. >> as supply chains in china shut down, traffickers are losing the chemicals to make profitable drugs like met and fentanyl. >> one big problem for car tells is distribution. they can no longer transport drug to where they can tell them. for drug traffickers the shutdown has crippled mung laundering screams creating a back log of drug prose. now millions of dollars of dirty money have been piling up in los angeles. >> trevor: wow. coronavirus is crushing everybody. fact recents in china can't make chemicals. without chemicals drug dealers can't make met, and without met
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joe exotic has no way to make straight guys marry him. it is not just the supply chain, because of lockdown drug dealers can't launder their cash. and that cash is not dirteddee because of drugs t sls dirty because it has corona on it, now you have to launder it with a fake business and with actual de ternlgt. this is too much work. if you are one of the drug car tells struggling to move your money in la, i have a tip for you. just do what everyone else in la does when they have too much money. make a movie, think about t half of all of hollywood movies are just money laundering schemes. like the goldfinch, that is not a real movie. do you know anyone who watched that movie? no. money laundering. i mean like even the actors are not real, ansel elgort, that is not a name. that is like someone's left over scrabble tiles. by the way ansel, they made me say those jokes, i don't think they are funny at all. i love you baby deliver. >> so what are the drug car tells with so much 6 their business shuted down. like the rest of us some of them
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are take up new quarantine hobbies. >> mexican drug car tells moonlighting at philanthropist. >> drug leaders are handling out what are essentially care package totion ordinary citizens. >> rio day jab airo drug car tells are imposing curfews, signs and sand san tierses at the entrance of the club. >> as south africa tries to control the spread of coronavirus, gang leaders have halted their turf wars and turned their delivery networks to usually used for drug trafficking to get food to poor households instead. >> the best distributers in the country, they know how to distribute things, used to distributing other white powders, but still, they are distributing things and they know everybody. >> trevor: that's right, with the drug trade on pause, gangs are around the world have started hemming in their communities instead. and i don't know, man, these gangs might want to be careful delivering groceries and hand sanitizer. cuz that's amazon's turf. you guys think are you tough. wait until you meet jeff bezos. a month from now the sinaloa car
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tell will be the sinaloa amazon fulfillment center and no benefits. you know one thing i am excited to see is how this coronavirus is going to change gang tattoos. i got this one for killing a man in cold blood. and i got this one for helping miss hernandez bake banana bread. >> trevor: all this revealed just like many other industries around the world right now, even the drug car tells are struggling to deal with corona. until people get healthy again, the drug car tells can't get back to their job of making people unhealthy which is actually why i think if we want coronavirus varks evens to as many people as possible, we should put the car tells in charge. >> hear me out, hear me out. hear me out. they have the distribution. they have the network, and unlike the big pharmaceutical companies, they'll give us our first taste for free. when we come back, i will be talking to loss ang legs mayor eric garcetti about how los angeles is handlek the coronavirus pandemic. stay tuned.
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three more months, check it out. >> mayor, welcome to the daily social distancing show. i love your t-shirt. sa that is going to curry you some faifer with the person asking you questions. >> well, this is actually my standard governing outfit with the coronavirus crisis. i can't wait to take it off, it has been 06 days i haven't taken this thing off. >> trevor: that's not a good idea. let's jump straight into what, the chaos that people are experience, i think over the past 24 hours. i wrer getting the notification myself and it said california, it was l.a. county announces that the lockdown will carry on, the stay at home orders will carry on for three more month. and immediately you know, i could see the chaos online, people were like what the hell,
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three more months, how is this number gone up, where did it come from, this thing is never going to end. california doesn't have a high death rate. what exactly is going on in l.a. county? is the place going to be shut down for three more months. >> l.a. county and l.a. city are different but we are working really closely together. so when the health officer for l.a. county, the doctor, who is amazing said there will still be a health order in place for at least the next three month, you are right, everybody flipped out thinking nothing is going to change in those three month, we are still locked down. all she was saying, and i think this is really important in understanding this crisis, we are not moving beyond covid-19, we where learning to live with it and every place that is so called open, every politician says we're open, actually has a bunch of stuff that will still remain closed and guidance for our protection and places that are so called closed have always been partially open. so it is about living in the gray. and realizing that three months from now all she was saying is we are not going to be with no restrictions until there is a cure. so we will have to socially
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distance, physically distance, we have to wear masks, we have to protect our vulnerable and elderly like people with preexisting conditions and you can't do everything everywhere yet. >> so let's talk a little bit about what some of these phrases and these things mean. so is this going to be a stay at home order or was that misreported. >> our order is called safer at home, i think that will stay for the next year or many months. realizing that we are all safer at home. that said, we're going to take steps as often as we safely can for instance, this past weekend we said we opened up a bunch of retail for curbside delivery and pink. we opened up our trails and our beautiful parks and it was awesome outside. today our beaches opened. i sigh kind of stay away from the dry areas t is about the wet areas where you can exercise and surf and swim. so as long as we don't see numbers go up, let's take these steps together, wait a few weeks after each one, hold, go forward, if things are bad,
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retreat. >> trevor: how are you deciding what opens and when it opens. we are seeing a lot of people around the country getting riled up. saying why are these places open, why are these places not open. i want to get back to work. i want to get a haircut, whatever. everyone has a different reason and as an elected official it will be nice to know how you are choosing which sectors of the economy get to open up first or not. >> that san important question. we all have feelings about what we personally want open. i look at it threefold. i say first what is the need and how deep is the need. either an economic need or let's say a psychological spiritual need to get out and have open spaces. second, what is the risk. and the good thing is alot of people have assessed risk. we can see how long it takes for vapor to spread in a restaurant that people sit at in an hour with ten there. assess that risk and give it a number. and then third, look at safety. how much of that risk can you mitigate by doing something. for instance, we kept construction open in southern california. northern california closed that down early on.
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we saw some bad habits but we brought it to sectors, ppe and everything else to every construction site in los angeles and we didn't have big outbreaks. so those folks could earn money, we could build infrastructure we needed. it is just about learning lessons and being comfortable in that gray area, assessing that need, that risk and the safety you can add to it. >> trevor: you know, elon musk made news and i know he is further away from l.a. city, obviously, but he made new when he said he would defy the orders and opening up his factory, what message do you think this sends to other business owners and what would you hope would be, what would you hope would be a better direction to take as a business owner who wants to get things going again? >> you know, i actually trust business owners and school principals that they are going to take care of their people the most. they care about whether they get sick, they care whether they die, they care about their customers, so we con seened this industry group to get together, manufacturing, for instance in l.a. we have a lot of clothes manufacturers. a lot of the masks people are
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buying around the country are being made by people doing that in a safe way. we talked to sports leapings about how they kro safely have sports game was fans. we have talked to retailers. you've got to listen to folks but in is not a time for one person to rant or to have their own moment, we have to do this together. and i appreciate that some push government to go faster because government in my opinion can be too slow. but when there's lives on the line, let's make sure we do it right because the worst thing is to open up the wrong way and to see not only people die but our economy be shut down for even longer. >> do you have any idea of how school openings are going to look? i mean we saw one of the biggest stories that came out was the university in california saying hey, it looks like we're going online. it may be easier for teshary education but for kids who are going to elementary school, whatever, you know, they need education. some of them need meals, is there a rollout program to get kids back into schools.
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>> we've got to get them back in schools because we can't get the economy going or people can't go to work, especially working parents if they don't have their kids in school. it is not just education, it is daycare. and so i'm confident that we can, if the numbers don't spike up for other reasons, that question get kids in school. it won't be the same school we're used to. it might not be as many days or hours a week, but kids need to see each other. he i thid they need to be face to face with teachers, especially lower income kirksd finally here we got to a point where ef-- every kid has a laptop and internet access t is not the same. i'm worried that especially in our community, latino and african american communities, there are kids falling even further behind, in poorer communities, kids are not catching up with the gap they already start with. so i think by the fall we can do that. but everything i say is with a big cav yet, see where the numbers are at. let's plan for it, hope for it let's do it intelligently. but if the numbers tell us to go back, maybe we go back indoors for a short period of time. >> all right so final question
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then, if residents of will. amplet, whether sph the county or stirks i know you are the mayor of los angeles, said to you, okay what is the plan, what are the dates, what am i aiming for as a person. because i think that is what is lacking in a lot of the mess arnlgting, people are feeling at home, i don't know what i am aiming for, trying to do or trying to get to. what would you say to them? what should they look for as bench marks and where do you hope to go in the coming weeks or months? >> two things. we're going to follow the numbers. and people can follow them now in los angeles. new york has a good sited as well. actually look at those numbers. see if our hospitals are getting overwhelmed. see if our deaths are stable and going down. see those things because that show i am going to make my decision. second, this isn't about set dates. nobody can tell the future, about what will happen in june what will happen in july what will happen in august. but fla is no excuse to not start planning and putting that together. so i am confident we're going to, every few weeks take another step forward w a big f and this is the third thing and most
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important, this is in your hands. you can kill people and you can save people. don't be funny, don't be a smart alec, don't go together with 20 people to a dinner party and think you can get away with it secretly. we might not catch you but somebody is going to catch coronavirus and will you wonder why was that one might worth. if listen to the health officers, practice good behavior and we'll get through this. this is a year, maybe more, probably of this kind of behavior, until we have a vaccine. think about our parents and grand parntsd, they went through multiple years of ripp depression, world war ii, we can stand up and be the best, write an amazing chapter for our city, country and hopefully our world. >> mayor, thank you so much for the time and i will make sure to send every guest a t-shirt from now on, cuz i like this look. >> could you send me a sweatshirt too, that would be aw solve. >> trevor: don't push it, i don't have money for these things. >> all right. >> trevor: thank you, mayor garcetti. >> good to see you. >> trevor: thank you, i will send you that sweatshirt as soon
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as i make it when we come back, billy porter joirns us on the show to talk about engaging voters through his new sij, for what it's worth. what it's worth. show me reality... tv. where my hobbits at? play lord of the rings. play my "straight outta the shire" playlist. i want to see the king. find lebron. search more cartoons. play the last o.g. take me to the streets, play sesame street. me want more cookies. find the things you love with a voice command. introducing at&t tv. with live tv and access to streaming apps. plug in and watch, with easy self-setup. shipped directly to you. i'll start... oh, do you want to go first? no, no i don't...you go. i was just going to say on slide 7, talking about bundling and saving...umm... jamie, you're cutting out. sorry i'm late! hey, whoever's doing that, can you go on mute? oh, my bad! i was just saying there's a typo on slide 7. bundle home & auto for big discosnouts. i think that's supposed to say discounts.
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a new savings account in about 5 minutes and earn five times the national average. this is banking reimagined. what's in your wallet? >> trevor: welcome back to the daily social distancing shoavment earlier today i got the chance to speak to billy porter, the multitalented performer whose won emmys, tony and grammy awards. we talked about his new sij, and how he is trying to engage voters in a major election year. billy porter, welcome to the daily social distancing show, nice to see you. >> good to sigh too trevor. >> trevor: i have to say you are the most stylish at home person i have seen. i feel like you don't understand the rules of coronavirus. >> my stylist made me dress up for you, very important. >> trevor: but i mean, i mean this is, i've got corona swag, i
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wear sweats now, that's what i do. >> i love it, i will put my sweats on right after. >> trevor: i was hoping i was actually hoping you would show me like what is billy porter's version of-- because you do that, you take what everybody is wearing it and take it to the next level, whether it is like a met gala look. >> i will tell you what my next level is right now. i don't have no pants on. that is my next level. that show billy porter is doing it only the top half. (laughter). >> trevor: so are you saying all class and then all ass. >> all class and all ass. >> trevor: okay, okay, i like it. welcome to the show. thank you for joining me today. you know, you were one of throws people who is doing everything all of the time. and now it feels like the world has come to a stop. and you were one of the people where i wonders so what is billy doing now. did you take a break or are you just working more from home. >> well, it is two fold, yes and
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yevment i am take tig break. i am learning what self-care is. i am learning what boundaries are. i am learning what balance is. you know, i really do have a place and a space to breathe in this time. and i know how blessed i am to have that. so i'm good at that. with that said, i do wake up every morning at 5 a.m. and-- because mi work on a memoir. i am working on a children's picture book. i am writing musical, you know, i'm a creative person. >> trevor: wow. >> and have i been a freelance creative person for my whole life. so this is what i have done my whole life. this is no different. >> trevor: right. >> i have always had to fill my own time up. so that is not new. the terror that comes a long with this time, is the hard part. >> trevor: right. you have responded to that, and i think. >> you think so. >> trevor: one of the most politically engaged celebrities,
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you have never been afraid-- i think so. you never been afraid to speak your mind. you have never been afraid to get involved. obviously you know you have been fighting for gay rights. you have been fighting for equalityive. and now you are fighting for people to vote. tell me about your new song. tell me how it was inspired and why you chose the music you chose. >> so you know, i'm first generation post civil rights, right. and then i came out during the aids crisis, activism in s in my dna. i'm a music man. when i was growing up there was a thing called protest music. that was a genre. and so way back in september i knew that the election was coming up, i know that i have this new found platform of whatever you call it. >> uh-huh. >> and i wanted to make sure that i, you know, was doing my part and showing up. and using my platform and my powers for good because there's
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a monitor in the white house. and we have to get him out. however we must. and so i just want to make sure that i'm doing my part so we put this thing together with the hope that it might engage, ignite, remind people that the power is in us, we the people have the power to change. and we got to get out and vote and do that. >> well, how would you respond to people who say billy, i don't see the point in voting. a lot of young people might say there is no point, nothing changes, the world is always going to be the same, one administration to the next there is not a big shift. how would you respond to those people as someone who said you are first generation civil rights and you fought for gay rights as well. >> i mean, i have seen it. i have lived through it. and i think the challenge right now and the disconnect is the wild, wild west that we are in, of this technology, of this online, this technology. you know, we have to figure out how to bring in the tenants of
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how we mr. accidents during the siferl rights movement, whether st a sit-in, the busboy card, the bridge, blah, blah, blah, whatever, and meld that together with what we can do with technology. and that will be the new way that we can activatement but we haven't gotten there yet. you know, st like. >> trevor: right. >> behind my computer and twittering, st not activism, y'all. you know, and i say that to myself, you know, it's like, i'm not sure of where we begin, you know, we're already in it. somebody has to plan this stuff. you know, that's not my skill set but i can sing a mean song. >> trevor: amen to that, my friend. well, i know i have got to let you go. thank you so much for being on the show, thank you for looking stylish. i will just believe that there are no pants, because i feel like if you stand up you are going to disappoint me. and hopefully i will see you.
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>> stand up. >> trevor: thank you so much, billy. i will see you again. >> mwah. bye. >> trevor: well, that's our show for tonight. but before we go, the covidz pandemic has taken a serious toll on many people's mental health. and here in the united states, the disasters health line is trying to address this crisis, they are counselors trained to meet the mental health needs of this unique situation and if you are able to and you would like to help them, then please donate whatever you can. if you would like to support specifically in new york, then please donate to nyc wells which sls providing free confidential mental health support. until tomorrow, stay safe out there, wash your hands and remember, thursday is the one that comes after wednesday. here it is, your moment of zen. >> donald trump is the builder, donald trump is the guy that can get this done. donald trump is the guy that
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will make the tough decisions to get us there. don't forget, in their revision of history, to be immediately forgetting that the single worst thing to do have done to forget the pandemic was shut down travel from china. he was able to do that, he was willing to do that, and joe biden and all the weak plings on their side, oh, it's racist, it's premature. it's so oppressive. >> the last thing i ever want to do is cut you-- is to cut you short. thanks for being with us, come back captioning sponsored by comedy central i cannot believemuch. i feel for that.ith you? [laughs] gosh. ha ha. what? what? where's the funny? give it to me. um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here? what's updog? nothing much. what's up with you? oh, wow. [laughs] i walked right into that.
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oh, that's brilliant. hey, stanley. is that jacket made of updog? i'm on the phone. [continues talking] mm! what flavor coffee is that, updog? what's that? i don't know. nothing. what's up with you? huh? no. damn it. what does that mean? what does what mean? that thing you just said. just forget it. dwight. hey, is it me, or does this place smell like updog? what's updog? gotcha! [laughs] oh, god! crap. nothing. how are you doing? good. how are you doing? mm.
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(michael) today is spring cleaning day here at dunder-mifflin. and yes, i know it's january. i am not an idiot. but if you do your spring cleaning in january, guess what you don't have to do in the spring? anything. they say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind. well, i say an empty desk means an-- empty mind. no, that's not-- no. that's not what i was gonna say. meredith, men's room. make sure you replace the urinal cakes. they're worn down. kevin, file drawers. angela, kitchen.
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oscar, dusting. where is oscar? he's out sick. that's unacceptable. i agree. it's unacceptable. what are you guys doing? (dwight) yes. michael. oscar is out sick. on a friday? [dialing] [ringing] can i do some of the talking? i will do the talking. okay, let him know that i'm here though. (oscar) [on phone] hello? what diffhello? does it make whether you're here? hi, oscar, it's michael. and dwight. yeah, um, heard you were under the weather. (oscar) yeah, i think i came down with the flu. really. oh, that is a shame. you know, it's cleaning day here today. could've used some of that famous hispanic cleaning ethic. (oscar) yeah, i feel terrible about it. ask for his symptoms-- i'm on webmd. what are your symptoms?
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(oscar) i have the chills, i'm feeling nauseous, and my head's killing. checks out. (oscar) michael, is there anything you need from me? i would like to go back to bed. i need you to go to bed. i need you to get better. see you monday, unless you're still sick. so, have a great long weekend. (oscar) i'll just be sleep-- okay, first impressions. he sounded sick. which is exactly how you'd want to sound if you wanted someone to think you were sick. that's exactly what i was thinking. question, may i investigate? yeah, drop what you're doing. make this a priority. because an office can't function efficiently unless people are at their desks doing their jobs. i bought my veil. oh, my god, that is so exciting. can i be a bridesmaid? um... listen, you don't have to answer now, but how are you gonna do your hair? okay, i was thinking about wearing it down. kinda like, i don't know, like... loose with big curls. you look like an angel. i'm seriously gonna cry. wowie. mikey likey.

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