- it looks like a chemical weapons plant. - look, god, if i was gonna secretly build a chemical weapons plant, i wouldn't make it look like a chemical weapons plant, would i? i'd make it look like a chocolate chip factory or something. - all right, just checking. - stupid asshole. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com >> trevor: hey, what's going on? welcome to another episode of "the daily distancing show." i'm trevor noah. it's now da 66 of us staying inside and trying to stop the

people are beginning to emerge from the coronavirus for the first time in months. when you're talking to someone in person and you want to change your background, you have to physically move to another location. we look at teaching in the time of krone arks michael kosta faces death and aunt becky gets a full scholarship to prison. welcome to "the daily distancing show." ♪ ♪ ♪ >> from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is "the daily distancing show" with trevor noah. >> trevor: you know, when i'm feeling down, nothing makes me happier than hearing some good news. also prozac works, but since the state says i'm no longer allowed to write prescriptions because i'm not qualified, here's our good news for you in our ongoing

segment, "a ray of sunshine." ♪ ♪ let's kick it off with weed, aka marijuana, jazz, spinach, nelson man-edibles. for many people, it has been an important way to get through the coronavirus lockdowns, but, now, it turns out it might also be a cure for coronavirus itself. >> a study in canada has prompted the idea that marijuana can help cure covid 19. >> researchers at the university in canada applied multiple strains of cbcs to cells to see if it changed the ability to be affected by the covid 19. they found might concentrations lowered the number of cells the virus could attach itself tosm the study is a pre-print publication, meaning it hasn't haven't been repeated yet. >> trevor: can you believe it? turns out your high school toner friend was right, weed really can do it all.

if it works, kind of makes sense. the coronavirus is on the way to infecting your lungs, and then hits all the weed and all of a sudden the virus is, like, wait, where was i going? what am i doing here? wow, have you ever noticed, like, i'm a virus but i'm, like, also, like, a --, like, a thing? now, before you order a costco size mug, this study was released before being peered reviewed which means it hasn't been confirmed. you see the articles cbds cures this thing, but it hasn't been confirmed. it's weird when researchers put out studies themselves. you would think somebody would have to put out their studies but they do it themselves. like mixed tape rappers. yo, you want science? check this out, dope reviews in the control and variable group. check this out, man, yeah, check it out. come on. in my opinion, people shouldn't be able to put studies out before they're verified. before i realized this study wasn't peer reviewed, i ran out

and bought a bunch of weed. what am i supposed to do wit now? another big caveat was this study was backed by a cbd company. why are you trying to find additional benefits to weed? isn't it enough it gets you high? no meth heads say, scrub he the on your car, makes it really shiny, see why i like it, right? maybe getting high isn't your vice. maybe you're into gambling. good news for you, too, because vegas is coming back, baby! >> the las vegas strip could wedge visitors as soon as june 1. i see at lot of social distancing, tables will be six feet apart, menus will be paper menus, sanitized between each and every use. not one part of the business that is not going to change. >> on top oft that, every other slot machine is out of service

with the chairs removed. same for the woker table. employees will be using electronic sprayers to disinfect the dice and elevator buttons. as for masks, they are mandatory for the employees. they will be given out to guests on the gaming floor, something never seen before in "sin city" casinos. >> trevor: that's right, vegas is a seenos are about to reopen. i'll will be honest. i don't know why anyone needs a casino. i feel like anytime you step into whole foods you're placing the ultimate bet, let's put it on the line for another tub of yogurt! cay seen's says they will institute safety measures like handing out masks. when i play poker, i do a tiny thing with my tongue. one thing's for sure, though, this is definitely going to change a classic gambling

tradition like blowing on the dice for good luck, or wiping your nose with your cards or storing poker chips in your mouth. can't do that anymore. let's check in with mike pence, vice president of the united states and guy who covers his eyes when simba and nail la kiss. when he stopped for lunch at a local restaurant. he gave us the most mike pence moment imaginable. >> vice president mike pence did something this week many of us are patiently waiting to do, ordering food inside a restaurant. he stopped as a burger jont with florida governor ron desantis yesterday. >> what do you recommended? >> spice are or not? >> not spicey. >> trevor: this dude's favorite spice girl was se celine dion. it's crazy mike pence can even eat at restaurants considering his diet restrictions. i also can't have other meat that touched other meat. it's a sin. what you didn't see is the part

when the employee asked pence whether he wants breasts or thighs and mother tackled the shit out of him. let's check out today's headlines. scary news from michigan. it was already one of the hardest hit states to have the coronavirus pandemic. then has the expression goes, when it rains, it pours. >> emotional whiplash for thousands in central michigan this evening as stay-at-home orders were turned to cause to evacuate after dam failures triggered catastrophic flooding. >> water burst through the edenville dam in central michigan. >> the dam failed. 100% failure, evacuate the area. >> the breaches spent more than 10,000 people scrambling, emergency responders going door to door to evacuate residents. roads, cars and homes were no match for the waters rising five feet deep in some areas. >> hard to believe that we're in

the midst of a 100-year crisis, a global pandemic, and that we're also dealing with a flooding event that looks to be the worst in 500 years. >> trevor: goddam it, man, michigan has been hit with so many tragedies back-to-back. this is horrible. i feel so bad for the people who have to flee their homes during a pandemic. now when you're loading the car, you have to choose between photo albums and toilet paper, which is why i always order my family photos printed on toilet paper. a tip for you guys. even though daily life stopped, disasters haven't. we've had floods, tornadoes, hurricane season is around the corner and only a matter of time before kanye comes out with another album. by the way, what really sucks is that this administration has been talking about fixing america's infrastructure for three years now, but the only thing they've really worked on is the border wall. people of michigan should tell trump mexicans live in the water

and he'll rebuild the dam walls in no time. got to get them up and going. i heard they swim so fast! build the wall! aunt becky, the last high file perpetrator in the college admissions scandal is thrower herself at the mercy of the court. >> breaking news in if sweeping college admission scandal. lorlori loughlin and husband was charged for paying to get two daughters into the yrt university of southern california. she will spend two months behind bars and pay a $150,000 fine. he will serve five months and pay a $250,000 fine. >> trevor: so disappointing. another rich, white famous lady getting sucked into the prison system. you hate to see it. but, yes, after insisting she was innocent for over a year,

aunt becky has suddenly changed her tune. which just shows you how sick people are of being locked inside their homes with their families. yeah, because two months of corona and all of a sudden she was, like, actually, your honor, i'm guilty. take me to prison. i can't stay around them for long. few ask me, this is a genius time to plead guilty to any crime because, with coronavirus raging, they have to let people out of prison. yeah, in fact, knowing aunt becky, she'll probably pay someone to fake her coronavirus test for her. yeah, as you can see here, i contracted covid 19 while i was playing for the olympic team. last headline is about fake news. the one thing that spreads even faster than coronavirus. as this pandemic has grown, so, too, have all the tweets about how to fight it, how not to fight it, how it's growing and how it's not growing. turns out, most of those opinions might not be real. >> new concerns about misinformation and the coronavirus. researchers say nearly half the

twitters accounts speeding messages about the pandemic are likely computerized, but the study found over 100 false narratives about covid 19 since january. it's too early to determine who might be behind the accounts, but the goal seem to be creating division in america. >> trevor: yes, who could be putin out all this coronavirus information that's russian through the internet? i guess we'll never noviet union! ♪ ♪ thanks, guys. thank you. you know, when you think abit, being a twitter bot must be the most depressing bot to be. think about it, all other robots are cool. you've got robots that are like i'm going back in time to kill john connor! then other robots are like, engage. then these bots are, i tell hillary clinton created

coronavirus. honestly, i'm so shocked so many twitter accounts that have been tweeting about coronavirus are fake. so many twitter accounts are fake. we think it's people. it's bots sending out information. i need to text my girlfriend about -- hey, girl, did you see this crazy story about twitter bots? i love you. she's so real. all right. i got to take my tv out for a walk, but after the break, we'll look at how teachers are just not having a good time. don't go away. hello everybody. it's me, gru.

but you already knew that. and i've got some tips to help you get through these challenging times. first, practice physical distancing. i'm sorry, i did not see you there. i've been doing it my whole life. or there. plus, there are lots of things you can do at home. like, stay active with some sick dance moves. be daring. and whip up a new dish. i love the combination of gummy bears and meat. you can do video calls for all of your important meetings. what? sorry. or just have some fun. ok, not that much fun. now, this does not come naturally to me. but, try to be kind to each other. this is a tough time for everyone. so that's it. stay home. stay healthy. and remember, we're all in this together.

what? but totally separate. you know what i mean. yaaaaay! been there, done that. twice your cousin. from boston. karen, i'm just gonna say what everyone here is thinking. you look smokin. total smokeshow. and they never did find his finger. they had to close the pool for like an hour. ♪ i brought a date. name's sam. dig in. love is like boston lager. rich, complex and it's over too soon. right, chrissy? oh my god. ♪

"the daily distancing show." you know, usually, when we talk about coronavirus, we focus on the lives lost, the economy and jobs. but the truth is, this pandemic is changing our world in a million different ways, and one of those ways is how educators are going to keep their classes going. we're going to explore that all in our new segment teaching in the time of corona. ♪ ♪ teachers, they're the people who educate us, guide us and force us to mutilate the bodies of innocent frogs. while teachers have always had a difficult job, coronavirus has made things hotter than ever -- harder than ever.

>> the challenges of remote learning taking toll on teachers. >> teachers are feeling overwhelmed, they are being asked to do things they've never done in their professional careers. >> converting homes into virtual learning centers. >> always going down the rabbitt hole of how to plan lessons and put them online. >> it's a whole different ball game keeping the kids engaged when you can't see theirfies. >> it's challenging for educators because it's difficult to tell if students are really paying attention. >> we can only get the kids' attention span 30 to 45 minutes. after 45 minutes, they're done-zo and looking to do something else, watching youtube or something. >> trevor: that sucks. imagine pouring your heart into something and people are looking at their phones in the middle of it. like what you're doing right now. yeah, i see you looking at your phone during the show. breaks my heart. although, considering half the

economy is now youtube based isn't such a bad things if these kids are more into youtube than school. i can show you plenty of youtube millionaires, but i can't find many who knows what time two trains pass each other millionaires. but if more kids ants woo pass youtube, teachers should make lessons youtubey. turn them into makeup tutorials or something. okay, class, i'm going to put foundation here, just like the colonists in roanoak established a foundation in the americas. i'm not sure this is much different than regular school. even when students are sitting right in front of you, they're probably thinking of youtube videos anyway. >> now, the war of 1812 was fought between the united states and the united kingdom, from june -- >> trevor: here's what's amazing about teachers, not only are they not giving up, but many are actually stepping up their game to help meet these new

challenges. >> welcome to my african savannah. >> this teacher doesn't normally dress in a costume and stand in front of a green stream but very lit is normal. >> a math teacher spicing up online lessons with impersonations. >> numbers, go down, go down! >> trevor: this clinton high school teacher is taking her lesson plans to your students tik tok starting with the basic equations. ♪ hello, we're twins adding a little miewcts. >> an eighth grade teacher will do anything to support students. he promises to do one crazy thing a week if his students completes their assignments. he kissed a pig and ate bugs. >> trevor: this teacher turned this into an episode of fear factor to get his students to do homework. which is incredible. but it's setting unrealistic

expectations for the workforce. i need the report in the morning! then eat this crayon, bitch! good educators know some things just can't be transmitted through a screen. >> when the coronavirus put the brakes on the school year, pat nagle came up with an idea. he hops his on his bike and pops in for a pop quiz. >> i'm here for your final pop exam. >> most days patrick myrrh tock can be found teaching health and phys ed inside regal row public school. these days he takes to his bike and visits students in front of their houses for a social distance dance party. >> the senior at wiley high can't go to school, but the princicle quickly realized he could go to him. in 12 days he visited every senior, 6612 of them from six feet away. he gave each a candy bar and said one day we'll look back at this and snicker.

>> i delivered that joke over 600 times, and it's pretty lame. >> trevor: this is the most heart warming story of a grown man handing candy to children. eth great these teachers are making an effort to go door to door and reverse halloween their students. at the same time, it's so shocking to kids because it's so jarring when you run into your teachers outside of school. mr. donaldson, what are you doing at the mall, why are you holding that lady's hand? where is yourblockboard? are you living a secret life? features are some of the most hard working and underappreciated people in our communities. i, for one, think they could use a break. in normal times, if a teacher needs a day off, the school brings in a substitute. what happens in virtual learning times? well, we found a service that can help them out. >> are you burned out from teaching virtually? have you created your own google hangout just so you will have a place to cry?

do you find yourself daydreaming about summer vacation even though you won't be able to go anywhere? try zoom stitute designed exiewstles nor zoom. they have every type of substitute you find in real life. the inspirational inner city substitute. >> you know what they see? they see a bunch of kids playing for nite on their nine tendos. i see a bunch of future dr. futureys. except for you, kevin. you probably a dr. oz at best. >> the running 30 minutes late substitute. >> whew! hey, guys, sorry i'm late. okay. that's all for today. >> trevor: the too much information substitute. >> so then i said, marvin! how you gonna hook up with my sister on easter? dressed like an easter bunny? whown what? how about i shove a basket up your ass? how about that for resurrection

day? >> the stuck in the past. >> state semifinals 2005, i was up a set 40 love and it happened, i got a foot cramp! oh, damn it! i should have won! ( sighs ) anyway, so that's a rombus. >> a substitute on his phone the whole time. >> everyone, we, today are going to be -- going -- the homework was assigned -- >> should we be doing something right now? >> yeah, you should. >> and, of course, the acting too young for her age substitute. >> nite one. epic. definitely putting that on my tik tok. now you guys aren't supposed to follow teachers, but i won't tell if you don't. >> all of our subs are available and ready to zoom at a moment's

notice. ( talking at the same time ) >> trevor: when we come barks michael kosta goes to the beach and meets the grim reaper. stay tuned. hey, we're almost out of sardines. all right, i'll go. hey, ask if they have a charger. hey, guys? um, do you know when we'll be able to...go back? ♪ yeah, whatever! so they didn't have a charger, then? twisted tea. keep it twisted.

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clean...tone...spin sprint...slam...pan battle...roll drum...joust...scuba...swim surf...surf...surf...surf boost...bike...balance...board dance...roll...rock... kick...flip...dog...dive ♪ >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily distancing show." as summer arrives, states are figuring out when and how fast to open and with corona still in the air, it can be a matter of life and death literally, as michael kosta found out. >> all across america, eccentric

freedom lovers have been protesting to reopen the country. now beaches are the latest battleground. florida's are open for business. >> northwest florida beaches are back open. hundreds came out to soak up the sun, sand and surf. >> i love the beaches being open. this is just wonderful. >> while many floridians are enjoying their god-given right to beach, one of them has a killer protest of his own. >> in northwest florida, one lawyer took a bold approach to express his concern. >> thank you. i'm here today to make a point that we -- i think it's premature we open our beaches. >> who was the strange florida man? did terrorizing beach-goers make a difference? to find out, i made a date with death. >> my name is dane, i'm a lawyer and i'm the florida grim reaper. >> can you remove your hood? it's kind of hard to process this. >> remove my hood?

okay. >> yeah. all right. i guess that's better. so what are you doing dressed as death, going to the beaches in florida? >> well, we have a deadly virus that's killed over 75,000 people, and i think people need to be staying at home and taking precautions and not letting our beaches in our state. >> visiting the beaches has got to be one of the top one thousand strangles things happening in florida, death visiting the beaches. >> good point. >> daniel has been visiting beaches as death for almost a month, mostly not well received. >> the public are none well too pleased seeing his presence here. >> i think he should go somewhere else and protest because he don't belong here. >> daniel, why do floridians want to go to the beach so badly? >> i want to go to the beach. i love it. i'm a floridian. it's part of our dna. it's who we are. >> to me, seems like a perfect time for floridians to learn a new hobby, like how to read.

>> florida gets a bad rap. floridians get a bad rap and the grim reaper is getting a bad rap and i'm trying to fix both those things. >> daniel, when should the beaches open? >> when we have enough testing, data and preparation. >> you want the government of florida to use testing, data and information, when, in the past, they've never thought about using those things? >> yes, this is a situation where i think that our government is making a choice to not do the right thing. >> do you think you're making a difference? >> i think i've given a little hope to people that are seeing all these crazy protesters with guns and confederate flags and nazi flags. >> and the grip reaper costume. >> i mean, i'm not at a state house in michigan with a gun. the grim reaper is trying to preserve life. >> daniel, is death really the best way to communicate this message of caution and temperance? i mean, everybody dies. should we really fear death

or -- you? >> i think when you have 75,000 people dying within a very short period of time and it doesn't appear to be slowing down, yes, this is the only message that we need to give. >> sorry. hearing daniel say that doesn't work for me. would you mind just putting the hood back on and the mask and delivering that same message? um, so, death, are you really the best way to communicate caution and temperance? ♪ ( scary music ) >> yes, we need the beaches closed so people don't die. this virus -- >> as death spoke unto me about the need for social distancing, i realized protesting to keep things closed could be helpful. even though death is scaring the hell out of some bathers, at least he's wearing a mask. and maybe there was a deeper meaning. the one constant in life at death is always among us, ready to ferry our souls across that dark river of time. maybe death is teaching us

that -- >> i just want them to close the damn beaches. >> you think, having the opportunity that not everybody gets to speak to death changed my life. i wish i could hug you right now. i i should i could come down there right now and wrap my sweaty hands dr. . >> no, stay there, do not come to death. why are you not getting the message i'm sending? stay away from the beaches of florida, please. >> oh, i get it, death. and hopefully, florida does, too. >> trevor: thank you so much, michael! when we come back, taraji p. henson joins us on the show to talk about her work helping people access mental health services, especially during this period. don't go away. what's up, tom? heyyyy

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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily distancing show." earlier today, i got the chance to talk to golden globe winning actor taraji p. henson. her foundation has launched a free virtual therapy sup campaign to help people access mental health services who otherwise couldn't afford it. we talked about that and much more, so check it out. taraji p. henson, welcome to "the daily distancing show." >> yes, thanks for having me. >> trevor: how are you holding up in quarantine? your hair looks great. >> thank you! i've learned to do a lot in this quarantine, and this is one of the projects. i'm getting better each and every time. the first time, it took me three days. this time, it took me four hours? no -- yeah, four hours. >> trevor: wow. you've always been an advocate for mental health issues. you've always spoken out about it, you've always encouraged people to talk about it, share about it, get the help they need, remove all the stigmas in talking about mental health, and

i've always appreciated you. i know your foundation is going doing something around coronavirus. tell us. >> we doing a covid 19 virtual fundraiser. we're offering five therapy sessions for those underserved communities. whoo, i have been saying it so much, my brain is, like, but it's for those who are disproportionately affected by the covid 1. and it's basically, you know, neighborhoods that are brown and black people. >> trevor: right. >> and because we don't really deal with mental health in our community, there's so much stigma around it, i just felt like a face needed to be put to it. then in this special time now where people are isolated and you know they're going through things in isolation and they don't have the means or the money, i just felt like i needed to do something, so --

>> trevor: yeah, it really is a beautiful move because i feel like, during this period, more people have experienced and gotten in touch with what it is like to be either depressed or struggling with mental illness in a way they haven't. a lot of times people can avoid it, run away fromt it, sometimes people don't know they're experiencing it because of how fast their live is moving. >> and they can escape. now you're forced to sit still. my prayer and hope is people who have shunned it, you know, seeking help or just believed the stigma around it, hopefully, they can take this time and this moment to experience it, to just try. because, literally, you know, we keep saying, when the world opens back up, we will all have trauma to get over after this. all of this. >> trevor: tell me something, how have you managed to communicate to people the importance of therapy, especially when we come from

communities? i mean, i know for a fact, i grew up in south africa, i grew up in a family where for the most part if i said to my family i need therapy, they would say you need to sleep, run or you need jesus. how have you managed to break through to communities who looked at therapy as a white people thing or almost fake in so many ways? >> i had to step up and tell my own story, instead of preaching to people. i think the misconception that people have of celebrities is that money can save everything, you know what i mean? oh, you're rich, you don't have no problems. and it's like money can amplify your problems and, like benny small said, the great poet and guru the notorious b.i.g. said more money, more problems, and he never lied. so with that, you have to make the adjustments and take care of yourself. so i felt like me coming

forward, and i feel like i have the -- the community trusts me. i think they still me as yvette from baby boy, a tad more relatable, in a way, and i wear my heart on my sleeve, so i felt like if i came forward with my owner shoes, that will free up a lot of people, when it was actually very freeing for me. for me, when i did it and i said it and i finally said it on a national platform, you know, and then i started seeing other people speak up, it was, like, oh, okay, i'm not alone. you know what i mean? the big bad monster is gone. >> trevor: right. >> and that's how you eradicate the stigma. the more we normalize the conversation, the easier it will be to have the conversation. >> trevor: tell me what you're doing to keep yourself sane beyond just therapy because, i mean, obviously, you have your therapy in your life. i go to therapy, you go to therapy, everyone who can goes to therapy, and thanks to you, at lot more people can go to therapy. but there's got to be like the small things you do just to -- i

mean, you're just in the house. you're living a completely different life. what is taraji doing inside right now? >> don't think i'm weird, okay? i'm going to show you. i have friends. ( laughter ) see them over there? see my friends? these are my friends. >> trevor: wow. are those, like, mannequin heads? >> yeah. i have every -- they look a little creep ysm it's okay. >> trevor: they look a lot creepy. >> but i have every flavor. i have all -- this is my becky girl! look at her! >> trevor: taraji, this looks like a scene in a horror movie where the person walks into the house and it's all the heads and you're, like, who has heads inside the house and turns out it's triageys. >> look, i have hands as well. >> trevor: why? >> because it's a salon and i practice doing hair and i practice doing -- >> trevor: oh!

okay. okay. i feel like you should start with that, taraji. next time anyone says to you what are you doing, before you show them, like, lends and hands, you should say, i have a salon in the house, and i practice doing hair and man cures. that's why i have pieces of bodies inside my house. i feel like you should start with that. >> i talk to them. ( laughter ) whatever works, you know? ( laughter ) >> trevor: but i need to understand the why. is this a backup plan to your extremely successful acting career? what is this for? >> yeah, because hollywood is shut down. we don't know when it's opening back up. so in order to keep the lights on, i'm learning to do nails and hair. ( laughter ) my father always said, learn a trade. ( laughter ) people who have a trade are still working! my gardner's still working! i'm in the house. they're outside, you know. >> trevor: that's true. it's essential jobs, though, so, i mean, i don't know if touching

people's heads is going to be something that you will be able to do if other things are shut down. >> that's true. well, i have these heads, and they make me happy. ( laughter ) they did really well. they tip really well. >> trevor: taraji, thank you so much. you made my day. thank you so much for joining us on the show and talking about mental health, something we all deal witht at different levels, and people need to talk about more. thank you for bringing light into our show. i appreciate you. >> thank you, and if you want to help and donate, text no stigma to 707070. >> trevor: no stigma to 707070. okay. and if we want to book hair appointments, is there a web site for that or not yet? >> i haven't started it get but you can use my t.p.h. products sold at target. >> trevor: there you have it. taraji p. henson, thank you so much for joining us. >> thank you. take care. stay safe. >> trevor: thank you so much, taraji. if you want more information about the boris l. henson foundation or you would like to

donate to help their cause, all you need to do is visit borislhensonfoundation.org. while we're talking about that, i want to thank "the daily show" viewers for your incredible generosity. every night these past few months, we've asked you to support charities of all kinds -- feeding hungry kids, p.p.e. to healthcare workers, mental health services -- and in that time, you guys have raised over a million dollars for these causes. that has been so helpful for so many people and so many lives have been saved and it's all thanks to you. so from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for helping us and helping other people do that. until next time, stay safe out there! wash your hands and remember to spay and neuter your alexa. here it is, your moment of zen. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> one executive overseas was being interviewed while her cats

were drawl brawling, y'all, right there behind her. >> you see my dog in the background? he's trying to get my personal protective equipment. >> have you heard the expression the dog ate my homework? because we have a situation here. >> the maps aren't going to move because he just what could the computer with his head. next time, buddy. we're going to eat after this. so that's the forecast with -- oh, boy. oh, boy. he's jumping up, looking for craig outside the window. ( barking ) >> maple, could you stop for just a second? three, two, one. more -- ( barking ) three, two, one -- ( barking ) ♪ ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪

- ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ - okay, children, let's take our seats. we have something very important to discuss. due to recent events around the country, i have been instructed to teach you all about sexual harassment in school. - about what? - now, does anybody know what "sexual harassment" means? yes, eric? - when you're trying to have intercourse with a lady friend, and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind. - no, eric, that's not what i'm talking about! the school board has sent over a special guest to teach us all about sexual harassment in schools. please welcome petie, the sexual harassment panda. - ♪ who lives in the east 'neath a willow tree ♪ ♪ sexual harassment panda

♪ who explains sexual harassment to you and me? ♪ ♪ sexual harassment panda ♪ don't say that, don't touch there ♪ ♪ don't be nasty says the silly bear ♪ ♪ he's gonna tell you what's right and wrong ♪ ♪ sexual harassment panda hi, boys and girls! - say hi to sexual harassment panda! all: hi, sexual harassment panda. - did you know that when one little panda pulls on another little panda's underwear, that's sexual harassment? that makes me a saaaaad panda. - this is freaking me out, dude. - and when one little panda puts his furry little willy in another panda's ear, that makes me a very sad panda. now, i'm going to pass out these booklets, and we're going to go through each and every sexual harassment law. [all groaning] article 36: section 19.