announcement today just four days after the show was pulled from the scheduled. this comes amid nationwide protests against police brutality and calls for police reforms. the series has been on since 1989 and faced backlash for its deification of law enforcement. >> trevor: okay, i think when people were asking for "cops" to be canceled, this was not what they had in mind. you know what this is like? this is like when you make a wish with a genie, but you aren't specific enough. "i wish i was in the n.b.a.! no, not as a ref! lebron, that's a travel!" and if you ask me, i can't even believe "cops" lasted this long. this was always such a weird show. who comes home from a long day at work and is like, "i wanna unwind. you know, let me watch some broke shirtless guys get their lives destroyed. it's the way i can get some sleep." and although this might seem like a frivolous thing, like removing "cops" from tv, i'lling

honest. i think this is a move in the right direction because people take for granted how our perceptioning of the police are shaped by the shows we watch on tv. when we hear about police brutality, a lot of people are like, "that can't be right. i grew up watching shows like "miami vice", "starsky & hutch", and "hawaii 5-0". all the cops, they never did anything wrong. if you think about it, even when we did watch cop shows about police violating somebody's rights or beating them up to get a confession, what did we think as kids? we thought, "this job was trying to do his job but the constitution is holding him back. so no more "cops." that isn't the only problematic content being removed from american tv. >> this morning, an american cinema classic "gone with the wind" has been temporarily pulled by the streaming platform hbo max. for years, the movie has been considered controversial for its

depiction of black people and glorification of slavery. in a statement, hbo max writing in part, "these racist depictions were wrong then and are wrong today, and keeping this title up without an explanation and a denouncement of those depictions would be irresponsible," adding, "the film will return with the discussion of its historical context and a denouncement of those very depictions." >> trevor: man, this is a big move from hbo. they know that millions of people, millions of people loved "gone with the wind." and they also know that the movie is problematic because it makes it seem like some slaves were having a pretty good time. and we know that's not true, i know some people want to argue that. because if slaves were having some slaves didn't have it that bad. some slaves weren't having it tough. let me tell you something-- if slaves were having a good time then they wouldn't have needed to be slaves. the people could have let them

go home and see if they come back. another reason you know they weren't having a good time is because no white person ever tried to become a slave. no white person was ever like, "honey, i'm going to see if they're hiring down at the plantation. i think i'll make a pretty good slave. do you think this outfit lookses professional? wish me luck." i know some people are going to argue this is just a movie. it distribute have to be an accurate portrayal of slavery. but my argument is, maybe you wouldn't have to rely on movies if american schools didn't use textbooks that referred to slaves as "immigrants," and if they didn't give out homework assignments asking people to list the positive aspects of slavery. if you can't count on the education system, movies are going to have to pick up that slack. i understand what hbo is doing. they're like, we are going to have to provide some context because clearly a lot of americans don't have it. maybe that's what hbo should do. maybe hbo should make people

take a quiz about american history before they get to watch "gone with the wind." question number one: why was there a civil war? because states wanted the the right-- you don't need to watch the movie. here's a documentary. try in a few years and come back again. hbo hasn't said how they're going to add context to "gone with the wind." it is going to be a tough task. so we decided to do it for them. >> scarlet, you know you get prettier all the time. >> thank you, ashley,. >> we traveled a long road since the old days, haven't we scarlet, the lazy days. >> they weren't lazy for everyone. >> the warm twilight, the high soft-- >> the what. let's get one thing straight, if we're laughing starkly, it means we're laughing at you. you know she's talking about slavery. you got that, right? >> go ahead and make that way.

spend whatever you want. make it as fine a plantation as it ever was. >> oh! it will be a fine plantation. but it's going to have to have white labor next time. the south is not going to rise again, scarlet. >> trevor: great job, dulce. next up, you should fix "green book." now, while our movies are getting a lesson in racism, we're also making some updates to the "movies of reading": books. >> one woman is changing the way peole look at racism by changing its definition. kennedy mitchum contacted merriam-webster after she saw folks quoting the definition of racism online. mitchum says the definition should include that there is a systemic oppression upon a group of people. it is not simply just dislike of someone because of the color of their skin or ethnicity. the editor of merriam-webster agreed and said a revision to the entry of racism is being drafted.

>> trevor: you know this movement is creating change when even the dictionary is agreeing that they need to update the definition of racism. dictionaries can be very slow to embrace change. most of these words have the same definition since i was in preschool. they just updated the definition of an entire word in the dictionary. that is huge. i can imagine if whoever is in charge of math was like, yo, we screwed up on the number 7. it's a lot more complicated than we realized." and it makes perfect sense to do this, because too many people out there think that racism is only if you wear a klan hood or call somebody the "n" word. if you don't do that, that's not racist. amy cooper herself said i did not do anything racist. but racism as a system is often more dangerous and descructsive. preventing black people from getting loans, stopping black

kids from getting an equal education, racial disparities in medical treatment racism is like the corn syrup of society. it's in everything. so right now, thanks to this movement, the movement in the street, if we are being forced to look at all the ways we might be further perpetuating negative ideas or stereotypes that enforced racism in the world from our tv shows to our movies to even the definitions of words. and what's been magical to see is how some corporations and institutions have jumped on board to say, "yes, we can do better." >> well babynames.com is making a powerful statement in honor of recent protests in the black lives matter movement. the website's home page shows a black box with dozens of names along with a message. it says "each of these names was somebody's baby." they include eric, michael, philando, breeona, and george. the website posted the names of black people who have been killed, many by police. babynames.com says it stands in solidarity with the black

community. >> trevor: i'm not going to lie. this is one of the most powerful statements i've seen, and from one of the most unlikely places as well: babynames.com. because you don't think they would have any way of participating in a conversation about race and racism, but they show that if you want to be a part of moving society forward, you can find a way. in fact, what they did gave me an idea. all you white people uall you white people watching the show now saying you're allies, you should name your white son kwame, and your white daughter makabe. when corporations are looking through job applications, they we want know who is black. they won't won't know who is white. i'm being serious, white people. the only way to be an ally is to give your kids black-sounded

names. i'm joking. you should see your face. you were terrified. you can be allies in different ways. for now you can continue giving your kids white names like polo and denaerys. while all this racial reckoning is going on, it's easy too forget this is also an election year. last night, democrats and republicans lined up to vote in georgia's primary elections. and when i say, lined up," they lined up. today voters waited in long lines as they tried to cast votes. >> from the air you could see long lines of voters, socially distanced. >> voters reported standing in the hot sun for up to four hours. >> an extremely long wait. i have seen lots of people leave they don't have understanding employers. >> this is a crisis in our world to make us not exercise our right to vote! please, god, help us. >> trevor: goddamn, did you

see those lines. that doesn't look like a voting day. that looked like the last scene in "us." kudos for that white woman to use her complaining power to defend democracy. we need to see more of that instead of white women klaining their iced tea is cold. whether you're wyatt, black, republican, or democrat, nobody should have to struggle to vote. i think we can all agree on that. nobody should have to wait four hours to vote. this is an election, not the latest pair of jordans. and that's what it was yesterday was, an unnecessary struggle. and the reason it went wrong is because of everything. >> georgia, a key battleground state in november, had rescheduled its primary twice because of the coronavirus pandemic. health concerns kept many longtime poll workers from showing up today, leaving inexperienced volunteers to run new voting machines for the first time. >> polling precincts that were at churches, assisted living centers, and senior centers had to be moved because of the coronavirus. >> georgia's secretary of state,

who oversees the election, is blaming local officials, saying poll workers were not properly trained. >> the employees didn't understand the system, so what were they doing for all these months? all of a sudden they wake up and say, "let's have an election on tuesday?" >> one county official firing back at the secretary of state saying, "if there was a failure of leadership, it starts where the buck should stop, at the top." >> now georgia's secretary of state has launched an investigation ahead of november's election. >> trevor: you know, it's funny how america has unlimited resources to make sure that countries around the world get democracy, but then america never seems to have the resources to make sure there's democracy in america. i mean, if atlanta wants more voting resources, maybe they should just declare that they're a country in the middle east. aafghanista-lanta now, so can we get that democracy cash?" it was especially bad in black areas. three-quarters of people who called the hot line to complain about voting problems were black, and partly, that's

because out of the 53 georgia counties where polling places have been closed since 2012, more than half have large black populations. at this point, none of this is surprising. right. we're used to seeing this by now. in fact, smartphone data shows in 2016, voters in black neighborhoods across the country waited at polling places 29% longer than voters in white areas. so, as usual, when something goes bad in america, for blac people it gets worse. it doesn't matter what it is, whether it's policing, voting issues, or winter. because the weather channel says it's 30 degrees, but for black people, that shit feels like negative 10. once again, america had election day and a case of severe electoral dysfunction, especially with coronavirus now in the mix. just like with coronavirus, america has an opportunity right

now to heed the warnings before it's too late because this isn't just a problem in georgia. we've seen these issues all around the country. and if this happens ghaen gwen in november with the presidency at stake, best believe, people are going to be fighting over a lot more than just toilet paper. all right, we need to take a short break. but don't go away, because joe biden is joining us right biden is joining us right after this, so stick around. for over 75 years people ...with geico... ohhh...sorry!. director's voice: here we go. from the top. and action for over 75 years people have saved money with gecko so.... director's voice: cut it! ...what...what did i say? gecko? i said gecko? aw... for over 75 year...(laughs. but still trying to keep it contained) director's voice: keep it together.

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we'll be here to take it. in the time it takes to brew a cup at home, here's the story of green mountain coffee roasters. meet mario. mario helps make nantucket blend taste phenomenal. so we support him. to recycle nutrient rich water. to help make his soil rich. and his coffee stunningly delicious. all for a smoother tasting cup at home. green mountain coffee roasters. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily social distancing show." earlier today, i spoke to former vice president joe biden, who is about his position on police reform, voting right, and so much more. check it out. mr. vice president, welcome to the "the daily social distance show." >> it's good to be with you. and it's a big distance now. >> trevor: it definitely is a big distance. you have been making news over the past few weeks responding to what's happening in america responding to what can easily be described as one of the most tumultuous time in not just american but world history. i want to talk a little bit

about the op-ed you put out today. talk me through how you would plan to undo systemic oppression, and how you think you'll address the needs of the african american community. >> well, first of all, it's going to take time. you know, donald trump didn't invent racism, but he sure has promoted it, and the disparities of the country, especially in the economy right now, the combination-- there's just an awful combination-- covid-19, unemployment, systemic racism. and what's happening in terms of the way in which the george floyd's death took place. i mean, i think about it, when i was a kid, what really changed and sparked the civil rights movement as a kid, i was just involved in it-- just a high school college student-- was that television was around. and television came along when they saw what paul carner was doing in birmingham, alabama,

people went, "whoa! i didn't know that really happened in america." >> trevor: right. >> now today, everybody-- not only should cops be wearing body cams. everybody has a bodyical. everybody has a cell phone. the last words of george floyd, "i can't breathe," they would have been cons qesh, but if they had not seen him take his last breath, none of this would have been nearly as consequential. because people are now saying, "my god. did you see that?" it's one of those inflection points. >> trevor: it really does feel like an inflection point and it is one that is difficult for many americans to navigate. most americans agree there is a problem in policing between police and the black community and even many poor white communities. this is something we know what we look at interactions between police and the american people. you have come out in favor of police reform, you know. but what does that actually mean? because some people think that you cannot reform an institution

that is fundamentally rotten in the core. >> well, i don't think it's rotten in the core. i don't think all cops are bad cops. but i think-- look, 90% of all the funding comes from local taxpayers, so the federal government, under our system, cannot, other than taking a civil rights action, say they can do "a", "b," "c", and "d." but what we can do is we can make sure that we insist on certain fundamental changes take place now, including giving-- making sure there's sensitivity training, making sure that all of cops' past grievances-- excuse me, transgressions-- are all made public. because we can say, if you don't, we are not going to provide the federal funding that we provide for you through what they call "burn grants" and "cop grants." we can i think now impact on significantly the desire of many police departments as well to fundamentally change the way they police. >> trevor: you know, many activists and organizers have capitol hill out saying there

have been repeated attempts to reform many plepts. police departments. were it not for consumer cameras we would not know. some would say to you, mr. environment, if you were to become president, do you think that there would be a world where defunding the police would be the solution and getting-- getting some of these spnltss away from police forces, you know, police in schools, police handling mental illness, police handling homelessness, et cetera? >> i think a lot of changes, they can take place, period, without having to defund police completely. here's what i think has happened. you have well over 80% of the american people going, "whoa. i didn't know this. i didn't know this was happening." i don't believe police should be defunded, but i think the conditions should be placed upon them where departments are having to take significant reforms relating to-- we should

set up a national use of force standards where if they don't sign up for it, they don't get any federal money. in addition, they have to demonstrate that they release all the data that relates to misconduct by police. it all has to be sent to the justice department. if they don't send it to the justice department nationally, they don't get funding. as it relates to, for example, mental illness and homelessness and drug abuse and the like, many changes we can make. for example, my daughter say social worker. she has her masters in social work. the idea that she's going to respond by herself to a 911 call that says that someone is overdosing or someone has a mental problem and they're acting out, the idea of going by themselveses is not rational to expect. conversely, cops shouldn't go alone. cops should go with, with people who are mental health experts. >> trevor: you don't think there's an opportunity to have somebody who is not a policeman.

the old adage, if you are a hammer, everything is a nail. so you don't think there's an opportunity to have people who are not even police in these environments who are trained and specialize? i mean, at mental institutions, for instance, it's not police who are think helping these people. it's people who are trained in defusing these situations. >> but they are, though. they also use force in those mental institutions when someone is out of hand. they put them in straitjackets. they put them in circumstances-- they have big guys come in and hold somebody down. it's not just someone walking in and saying, "look, you have to calm down. i know how to deal with you." it's not that simple. but that should be the objective. so we should put the police second in those circumstances, and not first. for example, we should change the way in which we deal with all drug abusers. nobody should be going to jail for the use of drugs. they should be going to mandatory rehabilitation. we should be building rehab centers, not more prisons. you know, building trust between law enforcement and communities and to increase safety is to

invest in funding of community policing. when we were funding community policing, the crime rate went down and the visibility of the-- and the extent of brutality went down, too, because people know who's in the community. but it's much bigger than that. it's complicated. but i think we should turn over as much as we can to non-armed police officers to de-escalate things related to mental illness, homelessness, and drug abuse. >> trevor: one of the areas that almost everybody synonymousenously agrees on is police unions have shown themselves to be extremely strong and often have contracts that provide impunity for the police. it is hard to get the bad apples out of police departments. i mean, just in the case of george floyd, you had a police officer where just from the record that people could get access to, you saw somewhere around 20 previous grievances against the police officer. so what is your plan to try and get police unions to sign on?

and if they don't, is there a plan to remove some of their power or to deal with them differently? >> the plan would be that their departments don't get funded if they don't do the things that have to change. for example, there are bad cops, there are bad senators, there are bad docs, there are bad lawyers, there are bad-- and they're all very poor at policing themselves, every one of these institutions and organizations. so you've got to say, "here's the deal. when a police officer is tried with a violent crime or tried with violating lawsuit and should not be tried by the local prosecutor, has to be a prosecutor that doesn't handle their cases. we're going to make that a law. so there's more distance between the two. making sure that cops can be fired for cause. cops can be fired when in fact you can make the case and bring a case that indicates they have violated the law, they have violated common decency. and when that happens you're going to see police departments changing and police unions

changing. and, by the way, not all unions have taken the same position. some unions are much more forward leaning than other unions are. but the fact of the matter is there has to be a fundamental change. you've got to be able to root out bad cops. and the good cops, the majority of them are, know how it makes them all look. they look bad. it makes everyone look bad. i think you're going to see a lot more movement in terms of police unions as well. but if it's not, they're going to have to obey the law as written. we're going to change the way in which we hold police departments accountable. >> trevor: when we come back, more of my interview with joe biden. stick around. (brad) how does apartments-dot-com have the most listings? well, it's because we're willing to scout them out no matter how far away. anything to report? (kevin) nothing. (brad) exactly like the last nine hundred eighty-three days. apartments-dot-com. the most popular place to find a place. they get that no two people are alike and customize your car

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( laughter ) that is true. >> trevor: i think it's safe to say that america is expecting a really dirty election. we know how donald trump plays in an election. we've seen it up against hillary clinton in 2016. you know that he holds no punches. you know that he will punch below the belt. you've often said that you plan to be the president who brings america back together, but how does that play into the way you'll run your campaign? >> well, first of all, you know, when the carney show comes through town the first time and everybody finds out there's no pea under any of the three shelves, the next time it comes around people have a different view. the first thing we're doing is calling out every lie he in fact is saying. we're calling out and making a case that this guy is not a good guy. this is what he has done. what is happening is the american public overwhelmingly now, if you notice, two-thirds of the american public thinks that the people who want to-- who are protesting are the

people who are right, and not the president. the president has been wrong. and so there's a lot that's changed, a lot that's changee t. he will get personal and say things about me, my family, my children, that are simply not true. but good news is the bad news. the good news is the people know me, and they know me warts and all. the bad news is they know me. so he's not going to be able to make things stick that aren't already real weaknesses on my part-- and i have weaknesses for real. >> trevor: what do you think some of those weaknesses are? >> i'm not going to advertise them-- no, one of my weaknesses is i say what i think. nobody has suggested i don't mean what i say. >> trevor: that's true. >> sometimes i say all that i mean and that gets me in trouble. ( laughter ) i get it. and my old stuttering days, in cases they come back, and i find myself, you know-- talk-- talk-- talking like that. so i sometimes make political

gaffes. you know the expression: a gaffe in washington is a politician telling the truth. the american place in the world has been damaged significantly. the next president is going to inherit a world in disarray, number one. number two, at home, we are a divided nation in a consequential way. i've spent my whole career-- and the one thing people give me credit and blame for is bringing both sides together, coming up with principled compromise. so the two things, the reason i'm running, both those issues tend to be in my wheel house. it doesn't mean i'm going to get them right. i'll going to make mistakes. i'm going to make serious mistakes. but the point sitake responsibility for the mistakes. >> trevor: how do you plan as joe biden who say i am not a fan of trump but i love what he has done for the economy and i might

be better off economically because of him. >> there are not that many people as like that as you think. hourly wage people, they don't think their children are ever going to have the same standard of living they have. he has really damaged the economy for hardworking and middle-class people. that's yi say the second reason i'm running is restore the backbone of this country-- hardworking middle-class people. the president has to be part of solution, not the problem. ordinary people are getting crushed. and guess what? if you are latino or african american, you are really getting crushed. the unemployment rate among black youth is up in the 36%, 37% range, even higher for latinos. everybody is beginning to understand the way we treat people is simply not right. >> trevor: as president, would you then continue being the biden who is not afraid to tell it like it is and address those issues specifically within those communities?

because oftentimes it feels like politicians run on these ideas, but then when they get into power, they say, "we're going to fix things for everybody." but the truth is america has a legacy of oppressing certain people, specifically black black people. and it feels like those issues and those areas need to be addressed in a very specific way, as opposed to in a general way. are you going to be willing to do that? >> yes. >> trevor: and some of the backlash that comes with it. >> by the way, yes. and i'll tell you what, one of the things i've done and i have been known for in my state, i don't address those issues just to the african american community. i go to the business community and make the case to the business community. i think people, you've got to make the case to the people who in fact are the reluctant to pay their taxes to do those things and say, "tell me, are you going to be better off?" and i'm confident, i'm confident that you have at least 20% of that population tha-- the folksn the upper income brackets going, "i guess i'm a little better off

if there is more peace and security." we tend to be unwilling to make the case to the people who historically have said, "okay, look, this is all about my not paying taxes." you can't build a wall high enough around your home. yo-- to keep pollution out. you can't build a wall high enough around your home to keep peace in the neighborhood. you can't build a wall high enough around your home to see to it that you have a safe place to move around the country. i mean it just-- and i think we've got to make the case to the very people who say they're opposed. and the last point i'll make is the people who voted for trump out of frustration, hool-educated people who are busting their neck, those are the neighborhoods i come from. i come from scranton, pennsylvania, the people i grew up with. in fact, they, in fact, understand, and i think they know-- i think they know me. that's why i think the polling data is demonstrating that they know i will do what i say and respect them. >> trevor: when we come back,

vice president biden tells me who he is choosing as his run aring mate. stay tuned. [son] mom! yeah... [son] i fell. okay there's bandages in the cabinet. [son] i'm bleeding. grab two. sheba. what cats want. with a minty-flavored dark chocolate delicious twist. new kit kat duos mint and dark chocolate. have a break, have a kit kat.

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opportunity to vote, then your entire campaign may be moot. so what is the plan up until november to make sure that people can vote, to make sure that everyone-- whether it's republican or democrat, black or white-- has the opportunity to vote without being in a line that's six hours long? >> it's my greatest concern, my single greatest concern. this president is going it try to steal this election. this is a guy who said all mail-in ballots are fraudulent, voting by mail, while he sits behind the desk in the oval office and writes his mail-in ballot to vote in the primary. this is a guy, you have 23, i believe, states have passed over 82 pieces of legislation making it harder for people to vote harder. that's why we're putting together a major initiative of lawyers to go out and make sure that we're in every single district in the country to patrol this. we need-- if i'm president-- and this is what worries me-- when

i'm president we'll have same-day registration. the report is in pennsylvania they're still counting votes. we may might not know-- this is an implicit threat-- we might not know who won in pennsylvania in the general election until a month after the election. what do you think this is about with trump? >> trevor: do you worry then-- let me ask you this and i know this is a strange question to ask an american politician, maybe easier around the world-- but have you considered what would happen as the election result came out as you being the winner and trump refused to leave? >> yes, i have. and i was so damn proud. you have four chiefs of staff coming out and ripping the skin off of trump. and you have so many rank and file military personnel saying whoa. we're not a military state. this is not what who we are. i am convinced they will escort him from the white house with great dispatch. >> trevor: there are many people who have taken to the streets now. there are many black people, but

there are many white people up marching with them. there are many young people who say, "we need a revolution. we need to see a change in this country." i know as joe biden you have often pitched yourself as the person who is going to bring the people together, and the person who is going to transform things as opposed to just a revolution. what is your pitch to them? what is your pitch to that-- to that bernie voter? what is your pitch to that voter who says, "joe biden, i'm crushed by college debt. i need to see the world change. i haven't seen enough change. >> and don't understand why i should vote for you?" >> when they announced all of a sudden i was the frontrunner, and the expectation was joe biden, the former environment, feels entitled. he's the front-runner. let's take him down. we spent the better part of a year with a target on my back. and it worked out and people have been going, oh,-- i had people say, "i didn't know that was your position in the environment. i didn't know you were the guy who wrote the first climate

change bill in 1986. i didn't know you were giet who took on apartheid. i didn't know you were the guy who did that. i didn't know." things are beginning to change and people are realizing. and i have changed. i have changed. i believe there has to be more-- more debt forgiveness for college loan. i think there has to be more opportunity to go to college for free, for free. but we have to change corporate policy, too. and the tax cut-- imagine-- just concluding-- i know you have to go. but imagine if we had that $2 trillion tax cut and we hadn't wasted it on the wealthy that generated virtually no growth at all, no growth at all, according to most of the conservative think tanks. imagine if we had that $2 trillion and said we're going to use that to educate people. we're going to use that to reduce student debt. we coul would be a different co. leadership matters. leadership matters. >> trevor: my final question

to you pertains to the race. you've been really tight-lipped and you've played your cards close to your chest about who your running mate could be. people have thrown out names, stacey abrams, kamala harris, elizabeth warren. i have a pitch for you. last time you teamed up with someone who was half african, and half white, and things went very well for you, mr. vice president. and i looked at my contract and i saw that nothing stops me from being environment of the united states. >> were you born in america? >> i don't think that's an issue to be honest for environment. >> it is, unfortunately, otherwise, i'd be asking you. ( laughter ) otherwise-- >> oh, mr. vice president, thank you so much for your time today. >> you'd make a hfl a vice president. >> trevor: please pass my regards to dr. biden. >> thank you so much for having me. i hope you have me on again.

>> well, that's our show for tonight. before we go: "the daily show" and comedy central have been donating to three groups fighting against police brutality and systemic racism: the n.a.a.c.p. legal defense fund, the equal justice initiative, and the bail project. now, if you are able to and would like to help these groups, please going to government links and do whatever you can. until tomorrow, stay safe out there. were to wear your mask. and now here it is, your moment of zen. >> trevor: mr. vice president, how are you? >> i don't like you. for years and years i had to sleep with a picture on my wife's table next to our bed teaching that course, man. i'll tell you what, man, i don't know. how you doing, pal? (funky disco plays) ♪ my name is cleveland brown ♪ and i am proud to be ♪ right back in my hometown ♪ with my new family ♪ this is the cleveland show ♪

(chuckles) (low conversations) all right, listen up. i told freight train to be home promptly at 6:30 for a special dinner, so it's time for everybody to hide. donna, you're the biggest, so you might want to push the couch and the piano together. come on, big'un. not yet. not yet. not yet. not yet. and... finished. i call it, "he ain't coming, mom." we goin'? i'm sorry dad stood you up on your anniversary. please, if i had to be reminded that i married her b'tugly-ass every year, i'd stand her up, too. let's go. woman: bye, lavar. bye, diane lane. uh, i renamed my car diane lane.

ooh, i'm naming mine carol. happy anniv.... ow! my breathing nose. what are you all doing in my house? this was our surprise anniversary party, lavar, and you were supposed to be here hours ago. (sobbing) now you know how i felt when you were late and we got stuck with cleveland. that's me! wait. (sobbing) aw, this ain't toys "r" us. you're a liar, mama. i'll only be a minute. gotta grab me a big thing of pretzels. a minute? that never means a minute. what are we gonna do? this place is so booooring. what? this place is amazing. what are you doing, man? i hang out here all the time, playing office. (yawns) work. you want to play? can i be the co-worker who's secretly sleeping with the receptionist and no one knows but everyone knows? cheryl? she's got hpv.