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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  June 23, 2020 9:00am-9:45am PDT

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protesters have been tearing down confederate memorials around the country since the george floyd protest began. so many of the statues have been pulled down that people are turning their sites on other historical figures. >> in portland protesters lighting on fire the monument of george washington before pulling it down. the nation's first president face down and covered in graffiti because activist say he was a slave owner. targeting ulysses s. grant who led the union army but said to own a slave, and francis scott key who wrote the lyrics to "the star spangled banner" but also a slave owner. >> the american museum of natural history in new york city says it will remove a statue of president theodore roosevelt from its front steps, featuring him on the horse with a native american man and african-american man standing on either side of him. >> trevor: ooh wee, there is not a good time to be a statue because at first it felt like only the confederate statues were coming down, but now seems
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like this is tearing down anything that doesn't move. when i'm waiting to cross the street, i keep moving so no one comes in and tries to rip off my head. i will be honest, the museum saying they are going to take town the teddy roosevelt makes sense because as someone who lives in new york i walked past that statue so many times and every time i thought that is an amazing statue that is also very problematic. show i bet in the '30s, it was considered super woke. look at that, an indian and negro led by the white savior. i know it was supposed to symbolize roosevelt's friendship with the other races. if you're such good friends, let them up on the horse or at least give them something to ride. one reason the protests are still going strong, because racism is going strong. look what happened after nascar banned the confederate flag.
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>> a disturbing discovery, a noose found in a stall for bubba wallace, the only full-time black driver, successfully convinced the stock car racing series to ban the confederate flag at the tracks and facilities. wallace writing today's despicable act of racism hatred leaves me saddened and service as a painful reminder of how much further we must go as society. nascar says we have launched an immediate investigation and will do everything we can to identify the person responsible and eliminate them from the sport. >> trevor: this is such bullshit. bubba wallace spoke out against racism and clearly someone wanted to send a reminder of what can happen to black people who dmoant their place. and, you know, because nascar has so many confederate flag fans, this is something that might not stop for bubba. i can tell you fans are going to
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be saying horrible things, people will be putting unsigns. i wouldn't be shocked if bubba starts getting pulled over during the race. ( siren ) sir, we have been getting calls you have been circling the neighborhood for a couple of hours. license and registration. i will say this, though, as much as this story is infuriating, it also is wonderful how these racists expose themselves, because all these comfort flag loving people always say the same thing, this has nothing to do with race! the flag is about heritage, it has nothing to do with racism! but as soon as a black man stands up against the confederate flag, the first thing they do is respond with racism. like they say the flag is just about southern heritage, but nobody showed up to that garage with a georgia peach cobbler. no one showed up there, like, i'm going to teach you a lesson about disrespecting southern heritage, you want one slice or two?
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moving on to john bolton. former trump national security advisor and photo negative of steve harvey. his new tell all memoir is officially out and yesterday he sat down with abc news to talk abit. >> overnight john bolton with a stinging rebuke of former boss president trump. >> i don't think he's fit for office, i don't think he has the confidence to carry out the job. it's not clear to me he read much of anything. a lot of people complained he has a short attention span. decision are made in a very scattered fashion. >> how do you think history will remember donald trump? >> i hope it will remember him as a one-term president who didn't plunge the country irretrievably into a downward spiral we can't ricoil from. we can get over one term. two terms i'm more troubled about. i'm not going to vote for him in november, certainly not going to vote for joe biden either. i'm going to figure out a conservative republican to write in. >> trevor: donald trump is a danger to the survival of the country, but you're going to
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vote third party? we must do everything we can to defeat donald trump, except the one thing we can do to defeat donald trump, get the (~bleep ) out of here, man. sometimes in life, you only have two choices, okay, pepsi or coke. boxes or briefs, mario or luigi. i know it's not fair but you can only pick one to have sex with. personally, mario, she's shorter but he's got something to prove, in my mind. bolton spent the entire interview talking about how unprepared, incompetent and corrupt the president, is but the weird thing is bolton joined the trump administration over a year into trump's term. so, i mean, he probably should have already known all of this, right? why does it feel like everyone goes confidently into the trump white house, like, i'll be the one to tame donald trump, and they walk out six months later -- ( crying ) -- he made fun of me and said all my ideas were dumb and you can read all about it in my book
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coming out next week! also, bolton could have said all of this stuff during the impeachment hearings but, no, he wanted to put it into his tell-all book to make money. there is very little i respect about john bolton. the only thing i thought was cool about this interview was he wore a mask during it. what's that? it's not a mask? oh, that's his -- oh. all right, never mind. there's nothing i respect about him. finally, the coronavirus pandemic, even as cases climb in the u.s., americans are trying to resume normal life, and the debate about what normal means continues. >> amc is requiring guests to wear face masks when theaters reopen. the company faced backlash when it first announced reopening plans. amc said it originally tid not require customers to wear face masks to avoid political controversy. this rule will be implemented
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nationwide as theaters reo begin to reopen july 15th. >> trevor: amc theaters said people have to wear masks, people got mad and they backtracked. it's a political issue. i can't believe there are people out there who would go to a movie theater with coronavirus still raging and, on top of that, not wear a mask. who values their life so little that they're willing to risk it to see a matinee of sonic the hedge hog? as much as i want to go back to the movies, it feels like mask or not, it's always going to be racing. lots of people sitting close together for hours in an enclosed space. i mean, white people will be safer, you know, because the things that spread the virus most are laughing, shouting and talking loudly, and white people do none of those things at the movies. you ever sat next to white people in the movies?
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the more boring thing ever. sometimes i'll poke the white person next to me to make sure they're not dead. still alive? shhh! you come to a room of 300 people and want to keep quiet. go home. don't judge me. i came to a comedy to laugh, don't try to judge me. i'm surprised 300 people make noise. you show mask or no mask, movie theaters will have a tough time coming back. what's clear, containing coronavirus will continue to be a struggle till everyone decides to start wearing masks, including all the people who think it makes you look like a wuss. we need a way to convince even the most macho dudes to embrace face masks, and now we have one. >> are you a red-blooded american who's sick of scaredy cat stores telling you to put away your gun and put on a mask? >> i'm not doing it because i woke up in a free country. >> introducing the gun mask, the
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only mask that's also a gun. why hide from coronavirus, when you can shoot it in the head with the only mask liberals will be begging you not to wear! because you're not a so i boy who needs mask for protection, you're a tough american who needs a gun for protection, gun masks come in three adument sizes -- pistol, assault rifle and (~bleep ) bazooka. it's exactly six feet long so all the social distancing cry babies will know exactly how far to stay from you. ( crying ) 100% american made in china and approved by the c.d.c. and the n.r.a., so you can bear your arms directly on your face. gun mask, it's like stand your ground for your face! >> trevor: now, that's freedom. when we come back, we'll tell you why trump's big campaign rally had more empty seats than a movie theater during corona. so don't go away. [♪]
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>> trevor: ( gulping ) oh, welcome back to "the daily distancing show." as the corona lockdowns have stretched into month four -- can you believe it, months four -- many people in america cannot wait to get back to work, and there's one american who can't wait to get away from work, which is why, after weeks of buildup, donald juneteenth trump held a campaign rally in tulsa, oklahoma, the first since coronavirus shutdowns but didn't go as planned thnches morning sources close to the white house say president trump is furious that his much-hyped campaign reboot went bust.
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his saturday night rally in tulsa, oka oklahoma, drawing a h smaller than expected crowd. the president boasted a million people requested tickets and he promised to fill the 19,000 seat arena. but the tulsa fire marshall tells nbc news that 6,200 people showed up, leave rows of empty seats. >> outside the v.o.c. center, these workers took down the overflow stage early. the president had planned to address the crowd there, but no crowd materialized. >> trevor: oh, poor trump. for somebody who was born into wealth and never suffered a single consequence for his actions, this dude can't catch a break because nothing is more you mill yaight when you throw a party and most guests don't show up. i remember when that happened on my twelfth birthday. really? all your grandmas died on the same weekend? ( crying ) i find that very unlikely!
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so why was turnout for trump's rally so low? well, the trump administration claims it's because protesters blocked the entrance, which,reich most things the trump campaign says, is not true. the most likely explanation for all those empty seats in that arena is that, as much as some people love trump, they also love not dying from coronavirus. oh, and there's another thing that might have thrown off trump's numbers at the arena, and it has to do with k popp. >> the trump campaign may have been trolled by teenagers, tik tok musers and korean pop music fans. before the rally, these tech savvy groups mobilized to reserve tickets for an event they had no intention to have attending. >> oh, my god i'm so excited to not go to trump's rally! >> while it's unlikely they were solely responsible for this low turnout, their antics may have
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been inflated the attendance numbers. >> clearly not everybody showed up in tulsa. maybe people heard the huge numbers and said they didn't want to go through the hassle of the crowds. >> trevor: goddam, that is hilarious, getting foiled by a bunch of meddling kids. that means trump is basically a scooby-doo villain now, but at least they wear masks. i'm proud of these teens. think about it, in 2020, tik tok went from being an app where you learn dances, to hey, guys, this is how we abolish the police and take down the president. trump was reportedly unhappy he looked out and saw the empty seats, but you know what? the people ther who were there e pumped up to see their guy again because a week ago when trump used two hands to take a sip of water, look how excited the crowd was when he managed to drink a glass of water with only one. >> they said, you couldn't lift your hand up to your mouth with water. i was speaking for a long time. i didn't want to drink it, but i wanted to wet my lips a little
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bit. so i'll va little glass of water. where the hell did this water come from? where did it come from? ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: yeah, whoo! i'm proud to live in a country where the president can drink water with just one hand sometimes! it feels like the longer the trump presidency goes, the more confusing it's going to be for kids studying american history in the future. so, lincoln was hailed for freeing the slaves, and candy ky lauded for putting a man on the moon, and trump got cheers for drinking water? is this textbook right? there's a lot going on in the country president trump could have talked about. could have talked about "black lives matter," the coronavirus pandemic, but the topic he devoted the most time to -- nine full minutes, in fact -- was how
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people made fun of the way he walked down a ramp last week. >> last week, they called me, and they said, sir, west point -- west point, we're ready. i was on the stage for hours. hours! i came home, i had a nice tan, sun. he said, sir, we can now leave the stage. i said, great, general, let's go. i'll follow you. because i'm wearing leather-bottomed shoes which is good for walking on flat surfaces. it's not good for ramps. i'm being baked like a cake. i said, general, there's no way i can make it down that ramp without falling on my ass, general. i have a choice, i can stay up there for another couple of hours and wait till i'm rescued, or i can go down this really steep, really, really -- it's an ice skating rink, it's brutal. the first thing i did, i looked
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at his shoes, and i looked at mine. so what happens is i start the journey inch by inch, right? so i took these little steps, i ran down the last -- and by the way, in the tape, in almost every instance, it ends just before i run. >> trevor: i've never seen trump that defensive before. he spent so much time on this story, bu that now i'm more suspicious than i was. before i thought maybe trump has trouble walking down ramps but now not sure he has feet. it's odd how he'll talk for hours about walking down a ramp, but racism in america, somebody's looking go into it, let's move on. he told causey stories, called corona kung flu. and he even admitted he told his people to slow down coronavirus
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testing so the numbers wouldn't look as bad, which is something we used to have to assume he's doing and now he's just telling us. so i guess thanks for the honesty. when it was all said and done, it was clear that all of these empty seats really took a toll on trump. >> this video you see the president arriving back at the white house after that event looking a little dejected. >> looked like he felt defeated as he was walking out of marine one. >> the fact we're seeing him with his tie undone, the crumpled mega hat in his hand. >> tell us he wasn't able to put a happy face on something that for him was an enormous disappointment. >> trevor: i have never seen a person getting out of a he'll copter looking that sad. looks like he got stood up at the altar but still had to party because everything was nonrefundable. ( crying ) i mean, cheer up, donald. you've got plenty of reasons to
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be happy -- the borders are closed, barr is firing prosecutors, and no one's seen fauci in weeks. take a double shot of hydroxychloroquine and get back in it, mr. president! because, honestly, it's weird to see trump display emotion. it's actually uncomfortable, you know. it's like watching mr. poat the timeo head get a boner, i don't know how to feel. but i think this experience is the first time mr. trump felt the full weight of the coronavirus pandemic. what finally got to him wasn't the 122,000 lives lost in america but the 12,000 empty seats in an arena. don't go away. don't go away. we'll talk to laver good mormore treatment? we're going to try something different today. hi! awwww, so pretty. dogs bring out the good in us. pedigree® brings out the good in them.
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hi, i'm joanna. and our favorite bar is crunch. crunchy. 100% real chocolate. embracing the crispiness of rice. crunch. the chocolate bar all americans love. "the daily distancing show." earlier today, i spoke with two-time super bowl champion malcolm jenkins. we talked about the "black lives matter" movement and the powerful video that he curated and co-director for the sb awards. check it out.
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>> history has shown us the impact only a few voices can make. guys like tommy smith and john carlos, mohamed ali, mo mad aruof and colin kaepernick. and now it's time for us athletes, coaches and media to do our part to make this country better. >> trevor: malcolm jenkins, welcome to "the daily distancing show." >> appreciate you having me. >> trevor: it's so apt that you have that painting behind you because a lot of people don't remember that image happening because we weren't alive then. a lot of people may not know what that image represents, but that was a moment in sports when black athletes who were representing their country felt like their country wasn't representing them. it feels like, in many ways, america has come full circle to that conversation. you were on the show a few years ago and we were taking about the conversation in and around america and sports and black people and equal justice, and it
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feels like now, more than ever, people are willing to listen. you have been talking about "black lives matter" for a long time, you have been having these conversations. few felt a shift? >> really, the black community is done trying to have the conversation. we have been trying to ease our way as a country through this, the history of the past, and how do we move forward and come out of this racial divide, and i think black people and a lot of people, our patience is up, so we're no longer -- not only are we not just willing to have a conversation, we're not willing to just inch forward with small reforms. i think everybody's ready for true systemic change in not only what we do in our policing, but our criminal justice system and education and even the healthcare system. so i think it's important for us to continue to push that envelope because right now is the most enthusiasm i've seen in the movement for, you know, a long time. >> trevor: when you look at
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everything that's going on in america now, what do you feel or what do you hope some of the larger conversations would be? what progress do you want to see being made? >> the number one thing is i want to see people likely participate in this year's election and that's getting people registered and figuring out ways no matter what they put in place to deter people from voting, that we all pitch in and make sure people get to the polls and participate. but the second thing i think is huge now in this moment is getting people to really change their minds about how we go about policing in this country in our society, and what that looks like. so you've heard the term-defund the police, and that scares people. people should look up what that means. whatever you want to call it, at the end to have the day, we want to change the way policing is used in our country. police officers want the same thing. they don't want to respond to mental health crises they aren't trained to deal with. they shouldn't be in our
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schools. our children should have more counselors than police in our schools, and a whole gamut of things we don't need to respond with police force, so i think we need to have that conversation as a society and rethinking how we use police. >> trevor: you've got a lot of people talking with your video that you came out with at the espys, you know, a culture action, getting people to have conversations, getting people cob engaged black and white and you really emphasize that point in. many ways, it feels like the incident with drew brees was a personification of your message. your teammate came out and said he wasn't happy with people kneeling because they said he was against the flag. you came out really strong and said, yo, you're my teammate but let me school you on what's happening here. he backtracked and had what i think was a heartfelt apology and he heard you. do you think this country needs a discourse where people are hearing each other? tell me about that situation and
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whether you think it was a success. >> my interactions with drew is a microcosm to what we need to do as a country. me and drew talked before i posted the video and recorded it before we talked. i posted it because i felt this is something people need to see. i think we for a long time have tried to put reconciliation before truth, but when you do that, you don't really understand really what is oppressing people and really what the problems are, and we try to move to a post-racial type of society and move on with our past without actually addressing the history and the way that our past pretty much paints the present and, until we change, you know, the direction that we're going, until we change the systems that were put in place in the past, we'll always be tethered to that, and i think that starts with truth, and hopefully this time we get to sit still because of covid and all the things that are happening, people will take the time to really dive into and listen to what people are talking about, to learn about our systems and how they've not
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only been oppressive in toad's context but over generations and what that trauma and that dispossessions and marginalization means in 2020. >> trevor: let's talk a little bit about the n.f.l. roger goodell, the commissioner, came out and said he apologizes for the way the n.f.l. have treated conversations around race, he apologizes for the way the n.f.l. treated colin kaepernick, and he said, now, the n.f.l. is going to do more, they're going to get out there. i know you're already pushing them. i know they already had a few initiativity, but from a sports organization's point of view, what role do you think the n.f.l. can play in moving these conversations or even society forward? >> well, i think with any corporation or what any business should be doing is first looking internally in how they run their own house, right, so when you look at the n.f.l., you look at, okay, you have 70% of players that are black. how many head coaches do you have or g.m.'s do you have that are black, how many presidents do you have? zero owners, zero presidents.
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i think there may be two or three g.m.s and less than four head coaches. so those are immediate things that they need to be addressing and looking at. but the second part is it's cool to put out statements and cut checks, but where the n.f.l. really has a lot of power is in its lobbying. they have, you know, owners that have money out of -- you know, they can just pull it out of the air. but what they do is lobby all the time for things that help their business interests. we love to see them take that same kind of power and clout and use it to help in the areas players are standing up for, players are protesting about. that is the biggest way i think they can help players' initiatives is really help push it on a legislative standpoint. >> trevor: you know, going back to that image behind you, i i feel like it really ties into the video and the conversation you had because a lot of people focused on the american athletes, not a lot of people know the story of the australian athlete who's in that picture who basically stood with them
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and said, hey, i'm going to support what you're doing and because of that his career was also lost. there's a deeper conversation in how white people can be allies and how they can step up and what they can do. you have been someone who encouraged that from, you know, long before it was fashionable and you're pushing that more -- you know, you're pushing that more and more now. why do you feel that's so important? >> because, for me, the way i see it is that black people have been fighting for these things, people of color have been pushing these things and trying to educate and organize and all these things, but, at the end of the day, you're a minority so you don't have enough votes and voices to turn it on your own. so by this movement, it may be started by black people, may be carried on the backs of black people, it's going to cross the fish line on the backs of white people and it's important we educate them and challenge them to get involved, to learn what's going on, because the only way we see it get through fruition is going to be if we get white people to bring this to a
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majority rule. >> trevor: welcome, jenkins. thank you for being on the show. i laud you for everything you've said, the work you're putting in and the message you're putting out there. i appreciate you. thank you so much and good luck for the rest of the season. >> thank you, brother. >> trevor: after the break, speaking with laverne cox about her new documentary and the introrns of trans representation in television and films. stick around. with so many nourishing shades, a color change is easy. nutrisse has 77. from our darkest blacks, to our lightest blondes. it nourishes while it colors. plus avocado, olive and shea. change a little, or a lot. nutrisse. nourished hair. better color. by garnier, naturally! keep it coming, buddy. that's right. baaack it up. reverse. the one-and-only original stuffed crust, only from pizza hut, just $11.99. no one outpizzas the hut. hi, i'm joanna. and our favorite bar is crunch.
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whole -- ( laughter ) >> trevor: it's a very strange experience, yes? have you gotten used to meeting and talking to everybody like this? >> i have and i kind of prefer it. can i tell you, before coronavirus, i never did video chats, like when i would meet guys on dating apps, i would always just want to meet in person. now, it's a pre-requisite. now we have to video chat, and it's a great way to pre-screen. so now i am pre-screening all my potential dates, via video chat, so thank you, covid 19. >> trevor: help me understand this, though, what do you think you get from the video chat that you wouldn't have gotten in person? or is it just for you that you don't have to go to the in-person because you've done the video chat? is that what it is. >> you eliminate a lot of people that you would have, like, wasted time going to meet and, so, you kind of know in, you know, three to five minutes if it's going to be a match. it's just another -- it's a pre-screen. >> trevor: you've always been
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one of the loudest and proudest lgbtq activists out there. you became just, like, the arc type for what -- archetype for what trans people feel they could achieve. you've got out with a documentary called "disclosure." what loved about it is it's a documentary taking us through how trans people have been portrayed by hollywood and the entertainment industry for so long. tell me why you chose to go with this route. >> i am obsessed with looking back in history to help us understand why we are where we are now, and there's so much that hasn't been done around looking at trans history on so many different levels, and because my work is in the media and i'm obsessed with media and want to do better and want the media to do better, it made a lot of sense. >> trevor: we don't even think about it. from the time we're kids, we're receiving images, images in video, and we just start to, you
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know, assemble the world in our minds. there's no denying that trans has for a very long time been a punch line, it's other, scary has been the punch line. when you look at somebody who is trans, has that change been enough? >> enough is relative, right? what the film -- one of the things the film grapples with is there is indeed unprecedented representation of trans folks in the media that really began about six years ago, and our director, sam, noted whenever there's increased visibility of a marginalized community there's often backlashed and increased violence, and that is exactly what we're seeing with the increased murders of black trans women and with the legislative assault as well. so, yes, things have gotten better in terms of visibility, and then there had been a backlash we are seeing.
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i think one of the most critical things that we should all remember is how the technique of divide and conquer works and to divide marginalized people, right. i was so beautifully moved when i saw the protest for black trans lives a little over a week ago. >> trevor: in brooklyn, yeah. >> and here in l.a. as well. where folks were declaring black trans lives matter and we understand all black folks are affected by systemic racism and we have to come together and all marginalized people have to come together. >> trevor: here's a question that's a difficult one and i would only ask you because i'm comfortable with you, but how do you think we get to the place where people can acknowledge their discomfort and their misunderstanding of a thing whilst not offending or discriminating against the other person? how would you encourage that? the same way we're having conversations around race, how would you say let's try to encourage a movement in and around trans awareness?
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>> i think we have to really learn how to fit with discomfort, period, right? i think whatever it is we are called upon to interrogate our internalized racism and transphobia and we all internalize these things as americans and citizens of the world, and we each have to be able to sit with that discomfort. i think so often when we come up against something that's uncomfortable for us, we go into the defense mode, oh, my god someone called me trans transphobic and i need to defend that, instead of taking a breath and sitting with the discomfort of being called out. maybe you weren't or were, we all have to struggle. i think it's about sitting with discomfort, not going into fight, flight or freeze and understanding what the critique is. being uncomfortable does not mean you are unsafe. there's a difference -- the
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bathroom conversation makes me think about so much about -- because for several years it was all about bathrooms. in the segregated south, white folks were not comfortable with black people with them, does that mean they were unsafe? what does it mean for us to sit with discomfort, to really ask ourselves are we not safe or are we just uncomfortable? >> trevor: i know you have been working on programs to try to help trans people break into the industry behind the cameras and you're pushing for how trans people are portrayed on the screen. what are the big changes we need to make? >> i think the piece is how do we have diverse people in positions of power. one of the things i'm most proud of with disclosure is everyone on screen is trans and most people working behind the scenes and the crew are trans, and when we couldn't find someone trans to fill a role, we had a program
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where we had them trained. it's not just putting black faces in high places. it's not just about putting diverse people in the same sort of corrupt system. we have to change the way that power works, and so much of that is about, i believe, changing the material conditions of poor and working people, the people who are the most marginalized, to give them opportunities to work in the industry behind the scenes and then be truly elevated to positions of power, to not just occupy the same sort of, you know, corrupt system, but to change the systems. >> trevor: laverne cox, thank you so much for joining us on the show. >> thank you, trevor noah, good to see you again. >> trevor: great to see you. thanks, laverne. that's our show for tonight bmplet we go, june is pride month and we want to high light charities making a difference for lgbtq people of color like the black justice coalition which advocates for federal policies that fight against
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racism or homophobia, so if you like, donate whatever you can. to support efforts to help black lgbtq people in new york specifically, donate to the projec"theaudre lorde project,"p people fight for their rights and advocate for change. stay safe, wear a mask especially if you're watch ago movie and here it is, your moment of zen. >> weijia jiang tweeted a white house or staffer called the virus the kung flu. she asked kellyanne conway about that. >> i'd like to know who they are. >> you can't say that and not mean it. tell us who it was. >> i can name kung flu -- >> and that's highly offensive so why don't we go to the source and tell them that's very hurtful and unhelpful for what we're all trying to do. we're all trying to do. (funky disco plays) ♪ my name is cleveland brown ♪ and i am proud to be ♪ right back in my hometown
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♪ with my new family ♪ this is the cleveland show. ♪ (chuckles) sorry i'm late, guys. i was at that joseph gordon-levitt movie. i wonder if i urinated on the floor, if it would make it all the way down to the front. hey! so how's our new drag race machine thing looking? she's ready. no thanks to you. i'll fire her up! (engine starts) (engine revving) all right! yeah! go, greased lightning! with me at the wheel, we're gonna win that race and raise thousands of dollars for feline diabetes! you at the wheel? oh-ho, you ain't driving; i'm driving. what you know about the sport of racing? i'm pretty sure i can handle it, seeing as i've been driving since i was 29 years old. this is drag racing.
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then i'll dress up like a woman. (laughing) but i did all the work. built this car with parts from my yard. hell, the wheels are off my mother's house. let's put it to a vote. i vote me. uh, cleveland. i'd drive, but i'm grounded. left a wet towel on the carpet. so cleveland. hooray! i'm the driver! damn it! a black guy can't drive a race car. driving a race car requires... whoa, whoa, whoa, write it down, and i'll tell you if you can say it. no, you can't say that. cleveland: so, it's the bottom of the eighth, and i'm in a rundown. i run toward third, then home, then third, then home, third, home, third, home-- this happens 42 times. wow! unbe-freakin'- lievable. coach mcfall called it the greatest rundown he'd ever seen in his life. you know, cleveland, i'd rather hear a dry fart from a wet dog than another one of your baseball stories. you're just jealous because you never played a resport.

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