>> trevor: hey, everybody, welcome to another episode of "the daily social distancing show i'm trevor noah. on tonight's show, john legend is here to talk about his new album and he's going to give us a special socially-distanced performance. we're also going to be joined by bubba wallace to talk about nascar, the confederate flag, and the noose, the infamous noose that was found in his garage. so let's do this thing. welcome to "the daily social distancing show." >> announcer: from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is "the daily social distancing show," with trevor noah." ( * + *trevor + *) >> trevor: the big story that's had everybody talking, from social media to the morning news, has been bubba wallace,

nascar, and the noose. now, if you missed the story, here's how it all went down: bubba wallace, the only black nascar driver, has been promoting the black lives matter movement and pushing nascar to ban the confederate flag from its races. nascar agreed, and bubba wallace immediately faced a huge firestorm from people who felt like he was blocking their southern heritage and racism. then, a week after the flag was banned from the races, one of wallace's crew members found a noose hanging in the garage where wallace's car was parked. and so, immediately, everybody was on edge, especially black people. i mean, it's a noose. a noose is like the "n" word of ropes. in fact, i don't even like to say the word "moose" because it's too close to noose. i just call it a canadian cow. so, anyway, after the noose was found, nascar called in the f.b.i. to investigate if this was, indeed, a hate crime, and last night, the f.b.i. announced their findings.

>> the f.b.i. has determined that nascar driver bubba wallace was not the target of a hate crime. investigators say the noose found in his garage had been there since last october, months before wallace was assigned that stall. according to nascar, the rope was used to pull the garage door closed. wallace, the sports only black top-circuit driver says he doesn't care how long it's been there, it's still a noose. >> trevor: what an emotional rollercoaster. it turns out, there was a noose in the garage, but it wasn't left there as a message to bubba wallace. it was used to close a garage door. and i'm going to be honest with you, i am just relieved. i'm relieved, because for a story involving a noose, this is the best possible outcome. it wasn't a hate crime against bubba wallace, and it wasn't a hoax, like jussie smollett,

because the country didn't need any of that right now. i mean, we've already got police brutality videos going viral every day, protests in the streets. and on top of all of that, there's a pandemic that you think has gone away, and then it comes back with a vengeance like a virus john wick. now, i know there's someone who's probably just as relieved as i am, and that's my good friend roy wood jr. what up, roy? >> what's up, man, what's going on? >> trevor: for once the f.b.i. delivered some good news. >> good news. you must have lost your goddamn mind. there ain't no good news involving a noose. >> trevor: i don't mean good like santa claus is in town. i mean relatively good news. from where the story started this is relatively good news. >> a noose is never good news. that's like finding a turd in the kitchen. you don't care why it's there or who put the turd there. no, there's a turd in your kitchen, and you ain't happy about it, and you want that shit gone. >> trevor: but, roy, apparently there's an isn't

explanation for this. they say the rope was used to close the garage door. they tied the end of it like a noose. >> and that don't freak you out. first off, who is using a noose to close a garage door. that's like building a campfire but you shape your campfire in the form of a cross pup can't think of a less racist way to roast marshmallows. and why that knot? of all the not. i got a slipnot, a clove hitch, or a taught-line hitch, but they chose a noose. >> trevor: wow, roy, you know a lot about knots. >> i was in the boy scouts, dishonorably discharged for eating all the fund-raiser pop corng but that's another story. >> trevor: i hear what you're saying. i hear what you're saying. it's pretty messed up to use a noose as the pull for your garage. >> and, and, and it's backwards as hell. you're telling me they still close garages by hand. nascar makes billions of

dollars. you're telling me they can't afford no damn clicker. you can purchase and install a garage door opener for $300. my uncle derek could knock it off for 150. he's over in memphis. just hit him up. that's how you know, trevor, nascar doesn't have enough black people in their sport. you just got a noose dangling and nobody-- nobody saw it. "hey, man, grab the murder rope and shut this garage real quick." nobody? nobody seen nothing? >> trevor: i'm not going to lie, roy. you make some really good point. so then how do you respond to people who are saying that black people are just being too sensitive? >> yeah! you kind of need to be sensitive when you've had a target on your back for last 400 years. that's why i keep my head on a swivel at all times. i can't afford to let my guard down. little kids come up on my porch for halloween. yeah, they might be kids dressed as ghosts or they could be really short members of the k.k.k. i ain't giving no snickers bar to the klan. get your ass off my porch. >> trevor: all right, roy, so

then, like, what do you say? why do we go from here? >> first off, trevor, everybody needs to learn how to tie a different knot. google that shit. go fig that you are out. secondly, nascar needs to give all their garages the noose check once-over before ever race. we wouldn't want any more misunderstandings. >> trevor: hey, man, speak something truth there, roy wood jr. thank you so much for checking in, my dude. i hope you don't find any turdz in your kitchen. i don't know what that meant. >> you ain't never found a turd-- whatever, man. >> trevor: we're going to take short break, but after the break, we're speaking to bubba wallace himself to find out what he thinks about the story. don't go away. his is the oldest registered distillery

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daily social distancing show." my first guest tonight is nascar driver bubba wallace. we talked about the noose incident and about nascar's reckoning with racism. check it out. bubba wallace, welcome to "the daily social distance show." >> thank you, sir. how are you? >> trevor: i'm doing as good

as i can do during this period. the bigger question is how are you? i mean, you must be feeling a range of emotions right now, you know, to have the f.b.i. involved, you know, in looking into why there was a noose that was found in the garage where your car is going to be parked. you know, you were told this by nascar. this blew up into a giant thing, and the f.b.i. comes out saying, it is a noose, but we don't think anybody left it there for bubba. how are you doing right now? >> you nailed every emotion on the head there, going through all of that stuff being-- being kind of sitting on the phone, really the last couple of weeks. i still don't know how my battery is-- has enough juice in it to keep going. on my phone and mentally and physically, i just mentally drained, physically drained. but all in all, it's okay. it's just part of the process, you know. you learnue learn new things each and every day. you're tested, sometimes in a positive way, sometimes in a negative light. and you're always learning from each and every day, you know.

so i'm okay. >> trevor: when we deal with celebrities, or people in the spotlight, whether it's politicians or athletes or, you know, musicians-- whoever it is-- we forget that loose a human being involved in the story as well. talk me through what that felt like when nascar comes to you and says there's a noose. i think a lot of people may not understand the world you're in and what the journey has been since you came out and said we need to get rid of the confederate flag. >> yeah, ever since then, i knew it would be a whirlwind of emotions, of comments of hate, of positive light as well. and ever since the removal of the confederate flag, and ever since being vocal in, you know, of being a human being. it's not about being vocal. it's about being a human being, like you said. i've been proud to kind of-- i don't really know how to word it. like i said, i'm still learning. but to step away from bubba wallace the athlete and to step

up as bubba wallace the human for the first time and not be so... i don't know if i can touch that, i don't know if i can say these types of things. >> trevor: right, right. >> i'm letting that guard down. and i do it with the utmost respect of all of my partners, my sponsors, my race team, people that are supporting me. they-- with me doing, this they have to know the bigger picture of everything. it's not about racing. it's about race. so ever since having that voice and being vocal about it, coming out and standing my ground, helping nascar paint a new picture for the sport and for the next generation to see and latch on to, getting rid of the confederate flag, i knew, all right, here we go. roll the sleeves up. it's about to be tough. >> trevor: right, right. >> and, you know, talladega was on our list of fans are going to be back, confederate flag is

gone, heightened awareness around talladega. after the race was called, obviously, weather came through, delayed the whole day, i get a phone call from steve phelpsystem, president, and it was a phone call look a pissed off parents you did something bad. we've all had those phone calls. those are the ones that stick in your head. and it was much worse than that. he said, "i need to talk to you in person." he came in and walked in my bus and he could barely speak and he had tears flowing and i knew at that moment it was really bad, still thinking i did something. and he said, "there was a hate crime committed." so i immediately thought of my family and got worried, you know, stomach kind of dropped dropped. because i was fine, but i hadn't been in contact with my family for a little bit. and he told me that there was a noose found in my garage. and i was-- i was relieved that it wasn't family, but i was emotional just because it's, like, man someone could go out of their way to portray an image of hate, a symbol of hate. and so i was going through that.

i walked back over to ryan benny's bus just in tears and we hugged it out, told him the incident there. and i actually did not go get food. i stayed in my bus all night and was trying to get a clear head and had a ton of outreach, once we put our statements out there of everything i was going through, what had happened. so we get through the race, and we all, obviously, have that awesome display of love, compassion, understanding unity there before the race, all the drivers come together. the whole industry came together, surrounded by car. >> trevor: what do you think of significance of that moment was of having all of the drivers push your car out to the front, all of the drivers go like, "no, we stand with bubba," because they know how tumultuous it means. you cried, and i think a lot of people felt that moment. why did you think that was such an important image for people to see? >> no, yeah, that was powerful right there. from the moment evidence being pushed down pit lane there, i was balling, gathered nigh thoughts, got out, turned around

and seen all the drivers there. started bahing again. and took a selfie there and just-- i wanted to capture that moment because that will be one that will stick with me for forever. it shows that we can let down that side and be human beings, like we talked about earlier, and show love and compassion for our fellow competitors, our brothers and our sisters, to-- to come together as one. so that was an incredible moment. so it was definitely-- it was definitely tough to comprehend all that and then climb in and go race. >> trevor: tell me, were you relieved when the f.b.i. came out with their report? because this happened to bubba wallace. i mean, you were the story. how did you feel about this? like, were you relieved? what was your emotion? >> when i first heard about ttrevor, i wanted to make sure that this wasn't going to be the case because i knew the backlash that would come with it. >> trevor: uh-huh, uh-huh. >> i questioned my crew chief. i questioned my crew member who was african american and who found it and was outraged about

it. i talked to him multiple times. he checked the garages around us and nobody had a knot like we had on our garage pull in the shape of a noose, a full blatant noose. >> trevor: this is not like a regular-- this is not like a nascar style of tying a knot. it's not like it was in all the other garages. >> no, this was-- this was there. it could have been there in 2019, which is-- that's great. it wasn't directed toward me. to answer your question, i was relieved. but i knew that this was going to flip to the negative side and all of that side of everything was just going to come flowing out because people would say it's a hoax, compared me to jussie smollett, like, i mean, just outrageous stuff. but we checked my-- my crew member, david kroft, checked each and every garage around us. not one of them had anything close to resemble what we had. so it was there, but it had been there. so when they found that evidence, that was good. that was like, okay, my family

wasn't targeted. i wasn't targeted. okay. but now, there's a whole new realm that we have to deal with. >> trevor: i know there are a lot of fans-- you know, i try and read what people are saying and just try to get a sentiment. and i know there are some people-- a lot of people support, i'd say even most. but there were some fans who said, "bubba, i supported you. i never made it a black-white thing. why did you have to bring these things into politics? >> i'm not a political person at all. i walk straight and narrow down the path i want to walk on. and, you know, it's crazy when everybody's all supportive when the president is at the daytona 500, and it's all fine. that's all political to me, you know. but when i bring in banning the confederate flag and standing up for my african american side of my family, who feel leak they don't have a voice, and i'm carrying that weight. i'm carrying that flag for them.

and so, you know, my tweet is not something i am going around saying, "i'm the african american driver. yup, i'm african american. i'm the black guy." it's simply saying, "you're going to hear about that from media, from other fans. that's how i'm going to be labeled. i've accepted it. you accept it. you embrace it and enjoy the journey. it's as simple as that. i never once pulled the race cart-- as many have accused me. i'm looked at as an african american guy because of the color of my skin. i'm not dark, i'm not white. i'm mixed. it's something i never once tried to bring in. i always tried to bring in the competitive nature. don't mess wewme. i won't mess with you. let's race our hearts out. that's it. and now, having a voice, having a platform, being vocal, standing up for what i believe is right, standing up for a race that feels defeated, that is afraid to speak out because they

don't know what's going to happen. i'm not-- i don't want to see my people go down like that. i want to stand up for them. i want to stand up with them arm in arm, hand in hand, to show, hey, i have a voice and i'm going to create change in my sport and my community and i want you guys to be a part of it. so there's a whole balancing act of emotions. you go through that side on monday through friday. and then-- or monday through saturday, really, and then you climb in the car to go race. there's a light switch. if you've seen richard petty and myself, he was touching the back of my head. he said, "this is where you get to turn off that switch and go have fun and get away from all the madness. that's what it is. >> trevor: as you said, i'm glad your family is safe. i'm glad you are, too. and relief is the feeling that i think a lot of people feel right now. good luck to you for the rest of season, and congratulations on all of your work and how you're speaking out. thank so much for joining us on the show. >> thank you, brother, i appreciate it.

tell lewis i said, "what's up?" >> trevor: will do. thank you so much, bubba. when whee come back, we'll talk about a tool for white people who trying to learn how to be 2 be the fighting spirit is one we all share. it's the steady beat in the story of anderson .paak. the story of his immigrant mother, raising four children on her own. his own story, of a man who came from nothing, who found purpose, and success... ...in the booth of a recording studio. anderson .paak found his fighting spirit... and uses it to inspire others through his music. since 1925, we've proved that it doesn't matter where you come from, it matters what you're made of. modelo. brewed for those with a fighting spirit.

daily social distancing show." every day, we are still seeing changes in response to the black lives matter protests that exploded all over the u.s. a month ago. police departments are being scrutinized and even changed, companies are looking at their lack of diversity, and racist

statues are falling harder than mike pence boarding a plane. and in rhode island, they're taking steps to make their official state name a lot less problematic. >> rhode island's official name could soon exclude a portion with ties to slavery. the official name of rhode island is "rhode island and providence plantations." the state's governor signed an executive order to remove "providence plantations" from citations, state websites, and state employee pay stubs. >> we can't ignore the image conjured by the word "plantations." we can't ignore how painful that is for black rhode islanders to see that and have to see that as part of their state's name. >> trevor: all right, america is just weird. because, i didn't even know that rhode island's official full name was "rhode island and providence plantations." do all the states have problematic full names that we

just never heard about? like, is it actually, "the republic of california and japanese interment camps"? or, "alaska, too new for slavery but kinda wish we had a shot at it"? is maine's full name "gucci maine"? so, clearly, there's a lot of progress still to be made. and one of the encouraging things we've seen is how many white people are now asking the question, what change can i make in myself to move things forward? what people are asking what books to read, what films to watch, and how to be a better ally. all of this is great. but, unfortunately, the person they're asking is usually their one black friend-- which is exhausting. because remember, if you're a white person with one black friend, they're also the one black friend of 10 other white people. it's a lot of stress to put on them. and black people in this position, i know how it feels, and i think we found the solution for you. >> are you tired of your white friends interrupting your busy day with questions about race

relations? well, now, there's an easier way to help educate them by giving them the gift of black lexa from amazon. black lex ai'm confused. what's wrong with saying, "all lives matter?" >> saying this erases the history of black oppression in this country and sets back the goal of equality. >> oh, that makes sense. >> black lexa is programmed to absorb all the emotional labor of helping your well-meaning but pain fli white friends. >> i want to go to a protest, but i don't know how to chance. >> let's practice. after i say, "no justice, "" you say, "no peace." no justice. >> no bees! i'm sorry, what is it? >> oooh! >> black lexa can even recommend good books and movies for your friends and keep them from watching bad ones. >> hey, black lex aput on "green book." why does that always happen.

>> best of all, your white friends will learn something. >> hey, black lex aisn't it problematic that you work for free given the history of slavery in america and. >> look at you. you are finally getting it. >> thanks, my home girl. >> don't-- don't do that. >> i'm sorry. >> black lexa from amazon. helping your white friends so you don't have to. >> stop that! what is wrong with you! i need a new job! >> trevor: man, now i know what i'm getting all my white friends for christmas. don't go away, because after the break, john legend is on the show, and she's performing a song from his brand-new album. we'll be right back. >> we tested 25 million people. when you do testing to that extent, you're going to find more people. so i said to my people, "slow the testing down, please." >> it was a comment he made in jest. >> come on, now, that was tongue in cheek. >> when you see these thugs

being thrown into the back of a paddy wagon, i said please don't be too nice. >> i believe he was making a joke at the time. ( laughter ) >> president obama, he is the founder of isis. he's the found of isis. >> trump insisted he was being sarcastic. ( laughter ). >> russia, if you're listening, i hope you're able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing. >> sean spicer said the president was clearly joking. ( laughter ) >> and then i see the disinfectant, knocks it out in a minute, one minute. and is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside, or... >> the president now says he was being sarcastic. ( laughter ) >> i don't kid. you say that customers make their own rules. let's talk data. only xfinity mobile lets you switch up your wireless data whenever. i accept!

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john legend about the black live matter movement and how it affected his new album, "bigger love." john legend, welcome to the southern. >> my pleasure. good to see you again. this is our first time during the socially distancing error. >> trevor: this is our first time. hopefully it will be the last time. i like hear hearing your silky voice in person. >> i'm sure you miss your audience, too. i think all of us, as performers, miss our audiences, and there's something about, particularly with comdierk it's nice to hear the laughs in-- in person, as you deliver the jokes. and i think for artists, it's the same. we want to hear the crowd. we want to feel the response that they give us right away, so i think we all miss that and look forward to the say daywhen that's safe again. >> trevor: to be honest, i think it goes both ways. i've talked to some of my fans where they go, "i miss the feeling of other human beings

experiencing something around me, you know, like a collective joy." i've been to concerts where half of the concert is just enjoying other human beings having a great time around me. >> exactly. and as much as we are doing these instagram live concerts from home and, you know, alicia and i did the versus thing, it's very different to feel the crowd and there's no experience that will duplicate that. >> trevor: yeah. let's talk a little bit about that-- you know, that place in the world, being not just an artist but being a black artist, being a black artist who is also conscious, you know. before these protests began, john legend had been on the ground. you've been fighting for changes in mass incarceration. you've been fighting to change how america treats black people. you've been fighting for ecall equality and justice for a long time. is this part of the movement you've been hoping to see for so long? >> well, seeing the folks in the streets, seeing this

multiracial, multigenerational huge movement of people in the streets has been very inspiring for me. it does make he hopeful about the future. but i also know that there's a lot of work that goes into actually making the change that we're speaking out for. and so all of the times in between these big protests are when a lot of that work has to get done. >> trevor: right. >> and so-- and so, activists,orgers, they're seizing this momentum and saying, "let's get in these city council meetings, let's talk to our congress people, let's organize, let's mobilize people to get out to vote for a particular district attorney candidate or a particular county sheriff candidate." and so that is kind of the everyday, grinding work of a democracy that needs to be done for us to see the kinds of changes we want to see. it happens when you're doling with school boards and zoning, you know, so many of the things that affect the daily lives of so many people and that have

affected black and brown lives so negatively over the years have been these local decisions, like housing segregation and zoning and school segregation and who gets chosen to be the police chief and how much budget goes to policing, how much budget goes to the county jail or to the state prisons? so all of these decision, they don't get a lot of headlines a lot of times, and we don't think about them when we think about our elections most of the time. but that's just where the decision are being made. and if we're not engaged in democracy in that way, then sometimes we miss out on being in the room to make those decision and having our voices heard when those decision are made. >> trevor: what i found particularly interesting, especially in your case, is that i've seen a lot of work that you've been doing, you know, in the space of social justice. what i was surprised by is you announcing a new album. i was like, "wait, when was john

legend recording an album? when was he making music? how was he making music?" one thing that i'm always intrigued by is the ability of an artist to exist in multiple spaces at the same time. because i thought this album was just going to be about what's happening. i thought it was going to be like a coronavirus album. but it seems like you've chosen to go back to classic john legend and almost give us an escape from everything that's going wrong in the world. >> well, the-- the timing has been so interesting because i-- i was writing this album in 2019, all through the year. i was writing it early this year, 2020. and i was done writing the album by the time we all went to lockdown. and so, this album is a reflection of where i was when i was writing it, and all of 2019 and early 2020. it's an expression of joy, of love, of human connection, of nostalgia, of my love for black music and all the music that's

really made me the artist i am. that's really what this album is inspired by. and, of course, it's coming at an odd time, you know. it's coming at a time when everyone has been on lockdown for several months, for the last few weeks we've seen people protesting in the streets about the killing of george floyd and breonna taylor and others. so it does feel a little odd putting music out in this moment that isn't directly responding to what was happening in this moment. but that's kind of the nature of making an album. it's a long process, and i will be writing more music, and some of that will be responsive to what's happening right this moment. but it will take a while for even that to be done and ready to be put out again. and what i do think is music has the power to lift people up, to give them hope tosh make them feel that connection, feel that love. and i feel like people could use some more of that right now. and i think this album has that kind of feeling to it. >> trevor: yeah, it really

is-- it's a smooth album, you know. it's smooth. it's really-- i'm serious-- it's like it's comforting. it's beautiful. it's classic john legend in the way that we know and love you. and you've got some-- you've got some wonderful cameos that come on and join, everybody from gary clark jr., and it's beautiful to hear these different sounds and mel bees coming together. why the title "bigger love"? it feels like that's been a theme i've heard frurecently. i heard it in the verses with you and alicia. it felt like it was a battle of love, which i've never encountered, i've never experienced in life. it feels like that's something you've really been pushing. >> when i was writing these songs, that was what was in my head. i wrote the title track "bigger love" back in the fall of last year with ryan at th tetter and conscious clay, and we were trying to write a beautiful song that felt connected. it felt honest and it felt powerful and necessary in that moment.

we didn't know how necessary it would be, you know, a few months later and how much connection people would be craving at this moment. but it felt right at the time. and it feels even more relevant now. and i think the idea behind the title is that this album is colorful, it's full of love, full of hope and optimism. is and that title felt like it captured that, that sentiment for me. >> trevor: john legend, thank you so much for for the music. we'll be playing the audience a performance you put together for us which is really gorgeous. it's surreal, because as you say, there's no audience. it's a different type of vibe, it's a different type of expression, and i'm really excited for people to see it. i hope you and your family stay safe and healthy, and i can't wait to see you again. >> thank you, trevor. >> trevor: thanks, john. we're going to hear john perform a single from "bigger love" right here on "the daily show." but first, as you may know, june is pride month, and right now, we want to highlight charities that are making a difference for l.g.b.t.q. people of color, like the national black justice

coalition, which advocates for federal policies that fight against racism and homophobia. now, if you can help them and and you can, please donate what you can. and if you'd like to support efforts to help black l.g.b.t.q. people here in new york specifically, then you can donate to "the audre lorde project." they help communities of color fight for their rights and organize for change. until tomorrow, stay safe out there, check regularly for nooses, and now, to perform "never break" from his new album, please welcome back john legend. ♪ oh, yeah we got a good thing, babe ♪ whenever life is hard we'll never lose our way 'cause we both know who we are ♪ who knows about tomorrow? we don't know what's in the

stars ♪ i just know i'll always follow the light in your heart ♪ i'm not worried about us and i've never been we know how the story ends ♪ we will never break we will never break ♪ built on a foundation strong enough to stay we will never break ♪ as the water rises and the mountains shake our love will remain ♪ we will never no, never ♪ we will never no, no, never

♪ we will never no, never ♪ we will never no ♪ the world is dangerous there's nothing we cannot take ♪ we will never break we will never break ♪ build on the foundation stronger than the pain ♪ we will never break how the water rises and the mountains shake our love will remain ♪ we will never no, no, never ♪ we will never no, no, never

♪ we will never no, never ♪ we will never no ♪ we will never no, never ♪ we will no ♪ ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪

♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ - remember when life used to be simple and cool? - not really. - uh, hey, how's it going, fellas? - butters, what the hell are you doing? - well, i'm just standing around being a kid; why? how come you're all wearing those oogy spacemen masks? - these are gas masks, butters! - yeah, if you don't have a gas mask, you're gonna get smallpox or anthrax. - what? oh, jesus, i don't want to get the 'thrax, fellas. what do i do? - there's nothing you can do except stop breathing. - stop breathing? - yeah, you can't get it if you don't breathe. - well, all right, then. [inhales]

- okay, next. next. let's see: hotties, juicy, whoppers. okay, next. aha! what the hell are you doing with this? - those are my hootie owl round tip scissors. - these are a weapon! - oh, come on, how am i gonna kill people with those? - i'll think of a way. now, move along. - god damn it! - all right, next! okay, clear. [school bell rings] - oh, jesus, man, they're gonna get me! oh, christ! they're gonna get me. - all right, class, as some of you may have heard, the president has asked that american children all send $1 to the children of afghanistan. so i have a list of addresses, and we're gonna all chip in. - ha! i'm not giving a dollar to those towel-heads.

- eric, the afghan people need our help. - i'm sorry; i thought we were at war with these assholes! - we're at war with terrorists, not with afghanistan. the only reason you care is 'cause you don't want to give up a dollar. - that dollar buys me a chocolate milk for lunch! what, you want me to just get a regular milk for 10¢? now, look, it isn't our fault that terrorists hate us. we're just kids. we aren't the ones bombing them now. we're just kids. there's a lot of crazy stuff going on in the world. we're caught in the middle. it's not our fault. - the afghan kids are caught in the middle too. - yes, but they're sand monkeys! - all right, children, we're all sending a dollar to the kids in afghanistan. that's it; end of discussion! - god damn it, i hate regular milk! [both speaking native language] - [speaking native language] - [muffled] all: ah! - [speaking native language]