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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  July 20, 2020 11:00pm-11:45pm PDT

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i'm here! i'm here! i'm here! it's okay! >> welcome to "the daily distancing show." i'm trevor noah. today is july 20th, and new york has officially entered phase four of the reopening -- or as coronavirus calls it, back to work, baby. as you can see, i am still filming from my apartment because i'm using the tv studio to store grain. yeah, you've got to be ready for the second wave. on "the daily distancing show," trader joe decolonizes itself. kanye west drops his wearsest track yet and, and still finding a way to take trump to school. welcome to "the daily distancing show." >> from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world. this is "the daily distancing show" with trevor noah!
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>> trevor: let's begin today's episode with the celebration of john lewis. the civil rights icon who died friday at the age of 80. all weekend, people were remembering just how extraordinary this man's life was. >> civil rights icon and american hero john lewis passing away at age 80. as a college student, he helped lead the fight against racial inequality by participating in multiple protests. in 1963, he was just 23, the youngest speaker at the march on washington right alongside martin luther king, jr. >> my friends, let us not forget that we are involved in a serious social revolution. >> trevor: two years later, he would lead peaceful protesters across the edmund pet us the bridge, fighting for the right to vote. they were met by brutal force by state troopers, lewis, bloody and with a fractured skull. he would continue his fight as a
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u.s. representative known as the conscience of the congress. >> hundreds gathered in a candlelight vigil. >> trevor: barack obama credited lewis for making his presidency possible, aparting him in presidential medal of freedom in 2011, and said not many of us get to live to zero see our legacy play out in such a meaningful, remarkable way john lewis did. >> trevor: you know you have lived quite a life when you get heartfelt tricks from all across the globe. they came from everywhere, even republican colleagues who said this guy was an amazing human being who fought for what they believed in. a few were just a little off key. for instance, mitch mcconnell, senate majority leader and what mushrooms would look like if they had faces. he sends out a long statement praises lewis' sacrifices but, at the same time, he's also been blocking the effort lewis led to
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fully restore the voting rights act. so it's a lot like the joker wrote a eulogy for batman. some people try to destroy the city he loved or tried to poison him with laughing gas, but i'll always miss batsy. what? you were the one doing that! to be fare, though, mitch mcconnell always sends a sweet message when a black colleague dies because it's one less person he has to keep from voting. probably the most awkward tribute to john lewis came from marco rubio, republican start and guy who could get away with playing little league. saturday, rubio tweeted a tribute to john lewis, but with a photo of himself standing with a different deceased black congressman elijah cummings. that's so embarrassing. this is the racial version of calling out your ex's name in bed. now i found out why rubio sent me an edible arrangement on don
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lemmon's birthday, i ate it. two people confused john lewis with elijah cummings. they worked with the man for years! which is why republicans only have one black guy in congress at a time, less confusion. let's move to a less legendary political figure, kanye west, kim kardashian's eldest child, promote ago new new album/presidential campaign, and it has not been going great. >> kanye west is moving forward with his campaign for president. he held a rally in charleston, south carolina yesterday, arriving on stage with the year 2020 shaved into the back of his head and wearing what appeared to be a military-style vest, west appeared to be putting forward policy proposals on the fly. >> everybody that has a baby gets a million dollars, or something to that effect. >> at one point he broke into tears while describing how he was nearly aborted by his
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parents. >> there would have been no kanye west because my dad was too busy -- shouting. i almost killed my daughter! one of the most controversial statements of the night came when he criticizedtionist harriet tubman. >> harriet tubman never actually freed the slaves, she just had the slaves work for other white people. >> trevor: this is the weirdest hip-hop beef of all time. you goin going to harass harriet tubman for not getting them better jobs? honestly, guys, i don't know what to make of this, i genuinely don't. because my takeaway from this event is that kanye west doesn't seem well. i feel like someone who cares about him needs to take his microphone away, ironic rithe best person for that job is
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kanye. the battle for justice in america continues every single day, but if it seems like there's no end in sight, at least there's progress on some of the smaller issues. >> trader joe's supreme court chain is under fire, urged to change some to have the names of its ethnic foods. over 1,000 people signed a petition urging the company to rename products labeled trader minimums, josés and john oaks. trader joe's say they have been in a year's long process of repackaging products and will soon complete the work. >> trevor: we did it! "black lives matter"! no justice, no peace! and also rename the pasta. but look, i get why people complained about why they were branding the food in trader joe's. you don't have to calm something trader menges for them to know of it's chinese food. like you don't have to call it trader karen's for them to know it has pumpkin spice in it. i'm glad they're revamping the
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labels. if branding will become problematic at some point yowrchltd see what honey nut cheerios looked like up until last week. they were dope, but that was problematic. you may be wondering what happens to all this food after it gets canceled? do they just throw it away? seems like a waste. well, the good news is there's actually a grocery service that gives you the food you need with all of the racial insensitivity you crave. >> are you sad because your favorite problematic brands have been canceled? >> aunt jay my na was canceled! ( crying ) >> then you need bigot basket, delivering all the brands you won't find in the p.c. grocery store, products like aunt jay my na. uncle ben's, build a walnuts. tucker carlson o's and white chock l.a. sure, you could buy the same exact food under a different name but you have a
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sophisticatedball palette and you know food tastes better when it's making someone sad. what's more, all our food is packaged in plays i think the rings that kills turtles. 10% off if you order today. >> trevor: so offensive but so delicious. a quick break. when we come back, how everyone shoulshould be interviewing dond trump. stick around.
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[captain] hey guys, book club. week one, here we go. did everybody read the book? [miscellaneous responses of no] [orange] i read it captain. i read it. it was amazing. it opened my eyes. nah, i'm just joking. i don't have eyes. [captain] great book club guys. [orange] you know i can't read captain. these days, it's just nice to have something to look forward to. well, break out the good plates and tell the kids to wash up. because it's sunday dinner, even if it isn't necessarily sunday. we'rbut right bead istart cutting him off now, left bead is making a bit of contact
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ohh we've got a double bead! going for the inside line! the left bead! into first place! wow! aaaahhhh. beautiful.
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they've really stood the test of time. much like these majestic rocky mountains. which must be named after the... that would be rocky the flying squirrel, mr. gecko sir. obviously! ahh come on bullwinkle, they're named after... our first president george rockington! that doesn't even make any sense... mr... uhh... winkle. geico. over 75 years of savings and service.
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you can't claim that because it's inanimate! people ask me what sort of a person should become a celebrity accountant. and, i tell them, "nobody should." hey, buddy. what's the damage? i bought it! the waterfall? nope! a new volkswagen. a volkswagen? i think we're having a breakthrough here! welcome to caesar's palace. thank you. "the daily distancing show." so yesterday, president trump sat down for chris wallace, the only reporter at fox news that isn't trying to become press secretary. you can tell he isn't because this was no softball interview. it was pretty much a master class in how not to let trump get away with his usual bullshit. you know how trump is always bragging how well the united states is doing with the coronavirus? hear's what happened when he tried that move with chris wallace. >> i think we have one of the lowest mortality rates. >> that's not true, sir.
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>> well, we're going to take a look. >> we had 900 deaths on a sickle day this week. >> we will take a look. ready. can you please get me the mortality rate? kaylie is right here. i heard we had maybe the lowest mortality rate in the world. do you have the numbers, please? because i heard we had the best mortality rate. >> this is dr. birx printout. >> number one low mortality rate. this is what fake news is all about. >> i don't think we're fake news. >> yes, you are. you said we had the worst mortality rate in the world but i said the best. >> it's a little complicated. bear with us. we went with johns hopkins which tall idea the mortality rate for 20 countries hit by the vipers. united states the 7, better than united kingdom, but worse than russia.
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brazil and south korea are doing better. other countries doing better like russia aren't included in the white house chart. >> trevor: you see? chris wallace did two things right trump absolutely hates, he proved him wrong and made him do homework. the funniest part about this to me isn't that trump use add bullshit chart to prove america has the best mortality rate. it's even on a bullshit chart it's still not true. if you just want any chart that's going to show how well you're doing, go all the way with it. that wasn't the only time trump tried to bring receipts he didn't actually have. here he is attempting to prove joe biden said he wants to defund the police. >> they want to defund the police, and biden wants to defund the police. >> sirrics he does not. >> look, he signed a charter with benders, i will get that one just like i was right on the mortality rate, did you read the chart -- >> it says nothing about defunding the police. >> it says abolish.
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let's go. gem the charter, please. >> all right. >> because you've got to start studying for these -- >> he says defund the police? >> he says defund the police. they talk about abolishing the police. they talk about illegal aliens pouring -- >> trevor: i look forward to seeing this. sir, i'm not disagreeing with you on any of those. i'm disagreeing about defund police. >> he said -- >> the white house never sent us evidence the bernie biden calls for defunding police because there is none. >> trevor: briceless, seeing trump flail around, trying to find a fact he made it. it shows how his brain mixes up everything he reads into an information smoothie. he read bibbed wants to abolic immigration retention, and also read police reform and mashed it up to biden want to abolish police. i would like to give trump a book to read to see how he would explain it back.
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green eggs and ham is about a tragic stories about two eggs that want to marry a ham, they want to get married, they love each other... another great fact check from chris wallace. i have to admit, i love chris wallace the journalist, but chris wallace the dad must be a nightmare. his kids are probably coming home like, yeah, school is fine, we just did a bunch of work, i just put my head down and worked. well, actually, i have photo evidence of you spending all day under the bleachers vaping, making out with samantha. it got to the point chris wallace wasn't just fact checking trump, he was fact shaming him. for years trump has been bragging about what a good score he got on a cognitive ability test. yesterday, wallace flatout told trump that his test score said ain't shit. >> in the fox poll they ask people who's more competent, whose mind is sounder. biden beats you in that. >> well, i tell you what, let's take a test.
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let's take a test right now. let's go down, joe and i will take a test. let him take the same test that i took -- >> incidentally, i took the test, too, when i heard you passed it. >> how did you do? >> it's not the hardest test. it's an -- >> no, no, that's all misrepresentation. >> that's what it was on the web. >> it's all on the web. >> that's misrepresentation. the first two questions are easy but i bet you couldn't answer the last five questions. they get very hard. >> one was count back from 100 by 7. >> let me tell you, you couldn't answer -- you couldn't answer many to have the questions. >> what's the question? >> i'll get you the test, i'd like to gives it. i guarantee you joe biden couldn't answer the questions. i answered all 35 questions correctly. >> trevor: this is sort of making me sad now because trump is trying so hard to claim he's a genius because he passed a test where you have to identify an elephant. even for trump, that's too easy. if they wanted to test trump,
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they shouldn't have asked him to identify an elephant. they should haved is him to identify his second daughter. that would have been impressive. is it this one, no, that's jared. okay, but i was close, right? also, counting back from 100 by 7 is super easy. anyone can do it. 100. 93. uh... ( tick tock tick tock ) 86. you don't have to be a genius. you know what, jokes aside, i actually feel reassured trump passed the cognitive test because, some day, when terrorists threatened to kidnap the washington monument unless trump identifies the elephant, he's got it handled. >> it's the rhino with the long nose. >> trevor: wallace covered the interview but no matter the subject trump managed to make it weird. when wallace asked trump about
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army bails named after confederate generals, this is what he said. >> the national defense authorization act, the ndaa, you have threatened to veto it because, in the bill -- and this is supported by republicans as well as democrats, it would rename army bases famed nor confederate generals -- >> we won two world wars -- two world wars, beautiful world wars that were vicious and horrible, and we won them out of fort bragg, we won them out of all of these forts that now they want to throw those names away. go to that community where fort bragg, is and a great state, i love that state, go to the community, say, how do you like the idea of renaming fort bragg? and then what are we going to name it? you going to name it after the reverend al sharpton? >> trevor: i'm sorry, what? two people world wars? this dude really can objectify anything. we've had two beautiful bang-a-boo world wars, totally tens -- that is such a dumb
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thing to say that they didn't even think to put something like that on the cognitive test. should we ask people about both world wars and see if they find them attractive senate minority no, forget it, nobody's brain's that broken. so the elephant should look like this, yeah? so how insulting is it to say people might rename the bases after al sharpton? of course they should rename it after al sharpton. think about how terrifying that would be for enemy soldiers. ( german accent ) here is the al sharpton bring b, they're going to call us out ono our racism! america has had lots of non-confederate generals and trump should know that, he's fired a lot of them. you could make any problem sound ridiculous if you pretend al sharpton is the only solution. president trump, we need universal healthcare. who's going to be your doctor, al sharpton? here's the thing, as incredible as it was to see trump face a
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real interviewer, nothing wallace says will convince trump is wrong act anything. trump shows even when proven wrong, he still insists eventually he's going to be right. >> dr. fauci at the beginning said this will pass. he was wrong. >> you made mistakes, too. >> i guess everyone does. >> i was going to say uh, you said at one point -- >> i think we'll be good at w the coronavirus. i think at some point it will just disappear, i hope. >> i'll be right eventually. it's going to disappear. i'll say it again. and i will be right. >> trevor: eventually, i'll be right. that's not how being right works. if you guess the wrong answer at trivia you can't get a point by claiming one of the answers will eventually be marge simpson. trump is more concerned about being able to say his lightsrights than being right. if coronavirus ends up wiping out the entire bland et except tore trump he'll stand all by himself saying, see folks?
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totally disappeared! i was right! don't go away. after the break, i'll speak with former national security advisor and ambassador susan rice. and then we'll talk to game of throne star nathalie emmanuel. we'll be right back.
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this cup has your name on it. if you love chocolate most, this cup has your name on it. not literally, that would be a logistical nightmare. especially if we used last names- woo, then we'd have to do both sides. reese's lovers. yeah, they're back.
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so [bleep] it! here are the rules for summer this year. lays are preferred. pants are optional. recipes are better with cheetos. tostitos salsa goes with everything. frito lay. let's summer! >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily distancing show." my first guest is susan rice,, susan former national security advisor and u.n. ambassador for president obama, and new york times bestselling author of "tough love."
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we spoke about joe biden's vice presidential prospects and the legacy of john lewis. ambassador rice, welcome to "the daily distancing show." >> it's great to be with you, trevor, thanks. >> trevor: it's a very different way to be with one another, and during this time, i've realized it's also a very different way for us to mourn the passing of people that we admired or cared about. most recently, john lewis. when you lookt at his legacy and his life and what we need to continue doing today, how far tuning we are on continuing that journey and creating that "good trouble," as he called it? >> well, i hope john lewis' legacy will be to give us all a kick in the pants and remind us that we can be much better than we are, especially than we are today. you know, he had such warmth and such humanity and such courage, and he never, never quit fighting, and he knew that he was leaving us at a moment when we were being sorely tested,
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when there's the possibility of us finally reckoning, as he tried all his life with our historic racial injustices, and our deep-seated inequalities that are not only racial but socioeconomic. but it's also a moment where we're struggling with a pandemic that is disproportionately affecting low-income people and people of color, immigrants, and we have leadership that literally could care less. >> trevor: you were the national security advisor to president obama. you were part of the pandemic response team. you were part of the people tasked with protecting america from a situation just like this. what plans did you have in place that the trump administration did or didn't use, or what should have been done, as somebody who was on a task force designed to deal with something like this.
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>> we understood that pandemics are inevitable. it's hard to predict when they will come, but we know they will come and they've come repeatedly since 118. we had under the obstruction in 2009 what was known as the swine flu pandemic, which was quite consequential. we knew this could happen so we were prepared. we left the incoming trump administration with briefing papers and a 6-page playbook, which i like to call pandemics for dummies, it was here are all the questions and considerations you should run through if and when you face this kind of crisis. we had a tabletop exercise with the entire in-coming trump cabinet and the outgoing obama cabinet, and we sat down, and one of the scenarios we ran for them was such a novel sars-like
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virus emerging from china. all of that seemed to be for naught because, a couple of years into office, president trump dismantled the office i set up on global health security, they trashed that playbook or stuck it in some drawer or some shelf and never pulled it out, for two months, january, february, and part of march, he really denied the reality of the virus, equated it to the flu, said it was no big deal. by that time, it was well embedded into the country and closing down flights from europe were too little, too late. he says that saved hundreds of millions of lives. his mishandling of this has already cost 140,000 lives and it's going to tragically be many more. >> trevor: seems like america is one of the few countries where the country doesn't have a rule about wearing masks,
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whereas overseas you get the u.k., south africa, so many countries going, hey, we don't care about your personal opinions on this, just like wear cloatsz, you have to wear a mask for now, simple that's. do you think the federal government should have more of a global message in and around masks? >> absolutely. i mean, it's ridiculous we've allowed small pieces of cotton to be, you know, this incredibly divisive thing. we don't mind wearing shirts and pants in public. why do we have to mind wearing masks in public? if it's going to protect ourselves and our loved ones and those in our community? if donald trump had, from early on, said, look, you know, i recognize that, you know, it may be a little uncomfortable or inconvenient, but when you're out in public, do as i do, wear a mask, keep your loved ones and yourself safe, keep your cities safe, it will make a huge difference, it will enable uses to bend this curve, keep it down
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and get our businesses back up and running, people back to their jobs, kids back to their schools. i don't think we would have had this political reaction to the extent that we have today. >> trevor: how do you view the situation in portland right now because that has thrown many americans off kilter, you know. federal officers coming in in unmarked cars, in unmarked uniforms, grabbing people off the streets, throwing them into vans, apprehending them, people feeling like it feels less like a free country and more like an authoritarian regime, you know, for some of the people who are on the ground there. when you look at what's happening, there's always a balance between federal response and letting the states handle it or the cities themselves. but how do you view what's happening in portland now? do you think it's a required use of force or federal assistance, or do you think that something has gone off the rails? >> no, it's an abuse of power by president trump, and it's a purely politically motivated abuse of power. he's sagging in the polls.
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he thinks the only way to rally his base is through racism and touting law and order. he is sending federal forces out on the streets without markings, without insignia, probably without legal authority to do so, and he's rounding up people as if we were, you know, in belarus or something. it's ridiculous. it has nothing to do with their stated mandate of protecting federal buildings and installations. they are now out literally beating the crap out of peaceful protesters and trying to incite more violence so that they have an excuse to use more force. but here he's now pushing the envelope in portland and threatening to do it elsewhere, and i think americans need to be on high alert. this is an abuse of power, it's corruption, it's autocracy on our own shores. >> trevor: there's no denying your name has come up repeatedly
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in and around the conversation of vice president. would you want to serve in the biden administration? would you want to serve as a v.p.? >> well, trevor, what i want is for joe biden to be elected the next president of the united states. i want us to win the senate and keep the house so that we have the opportunity to put our country back on course and to unit the country and to deal with the damage that's been done but also to take this opportunity and move forward, improve healthcare, improve education, deal with our underlying disparities,er and if i can help in any way, you know, whether it's at the highest levels or some other way to be part of helping him get eelected ando govern if and when he does, then that's what i want to do. and, you know, if that's not what he chooses for me, that's fine as well. i will do everything i can regardless, because of all that we've just talked about.
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so much is at stake. we have got to move this country in a different and better direction. and, so, i'll do anything i can, whether it's the modern-day equivalent of licking envelopes or, you know, standing by his side. >> trevor: well, as you say, i hope america gets back on track. i hope people find a way to depoliticize those little pieces of cotton and, hopefully, your words will become prescient when we chat again in a few months. ambassador rice, thanks for joining us on "the daily distancing show." >> thanks, trevor. great to be with you. >> trevor: after the break, speaking to nathalie emmanuel. don't want to miss it. elcome bao
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"the daily distancing show." earlier today, i spoke with nathalie emmanuel, and we spoke about the "black lives matter" movement in britain. we also spoke about her new series "die hart," which is available right now on quibi. >> now, in this lesson, we're going to focus and explore the action stars' motivations. agent king, what is your motivation? >> after working undercover in
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paris, i go down to the basement of the louvre where i twhart the theft of an ancient egyptian artifact when i'm accosted by a rogue agent. >> agent hart. >> accost? that's a little strong, isn't it? >> what? focus, focus! >> trevor: nathalie emmanuel, welcome to "the daily distancing show." >> hi! this is so cool. i'm so excited to be on the show, even though, you know, it's virtually. >> trevor: congratulations on the new quibi show, which is, i mean, getting rave reviews and, honestly, my favorite quibi show. it's a really short format and people are trying to figure out how to make a show in such a short format. you're on the show with kevin hart called "die hart," one of the funniest action-packed shows i've seen regardless of the platform. >> oh, thank you so much. it was a lot of fun. and i think, for the short form, the short plat form -- sorry --
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format that they have created, i think the show so wonderfully, like, just keeps you on a, like, cliffhanger at the end of every episode. and you're, like, how have they done this? it's a short episode, but i want to click the next one. i think they've done a great job wit. it was a joy to work on. if you find the show funny, it's safe to say that we laughed a lot when we were making it as well. >> trevor: right. it's also a cool departure for us to see you in because, i mean, we've seen you in action movies like the fast and furious and really dramatic roles, most famously "game of thrones." so to see you in a comedy where you don't take yourself seriously but in a show where you are trying to take yourself seriously is a fun world to be in. and there is hilarity on the screen you continue expect. what was it like working with three of you together in the
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space doing something completely new? >> well, first of all, for me, i was kind of pinching myself the whole time because i'm standing with kevin hart and john travolta, like, what? and, so, that was pretty exciting for me. but, to be honest, the three of us together, we had such great chemistry and had so much fun together, and kevin is just so -- he has so much energy and keeps the laughs all the time just to keep the energy up. >> trevor: right. >> you know how on set and long days and it's cold and damp and you're, like, he's always so ready to go. he's so funny in his genius. and then working with john, i mean, he's so funny in a whole other way, but it's so brilliant. and it was just so amazing to watch him work. and his range sin sane. >> trevor: yeah, definitely.
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>> all these ideas are out and it's incredible to watch himful i had so much fun. like i said before, we just laughed so much and had a really great time together. >> trevor: you also are one of the first people i saw in the u.k. who were, you know, part of the "black lives matter" movement on the ground. in america we saw the movement but once it spread around the globe, i remember seeing you talk about it and you were unabashed about it, you weren't afraid to share your thoughts about what needs to change in society and on screen. people talk about how you were the only woman of color on "game of thrones" as a leading character, a spoken word character. it must be an interesting position to be in. tell me why you've gotten so involved in this and what you hope to achieve in your industry and hopefully in society at large. >> well, i think it's a matter of humanity, at this point, you know, like, i'm just, like,
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everyone, i'm just sick of seeing people dying, and i've realized that i have a platform, and i have an audience, and if i can speak out about these things, spread information, share my own experiences, and maybe make a difference in some way, then that's the only way i -- that's all i can do. and, you know, when it comes to the entertainment industry, i think that we've made some really important leaps, and, um, important changes. but there's still a lot of work to do and i think part of this moment and this movement has resulted in people having to hae conversations about how many black creators we are hiring at every level of products, because it's so easy to sort of do the, like, oh, well, we've got a
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really diverse, inclusive cast in front of the camera, and then every person behind the camera isn't really reflective of the world that we live in, and i think that is where we keep falling into these kind of stereotypes and traits of these negative depictions of minorities. and i think that, for me, is the goal, is to sort of spark conversation about the stories and the voices that are in the room, not just in front of the camera. and i have real ambition to make that change, when i am lucky enough to start producing and making my own things, that i have that -- that that's just a part of my desire is to hire --s inclusively as possible, whether it be gender, race, you know, just everyone.
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>> trevor: like you say, the first step is beginning with the conversations, having the intention and then, hopefully, creating something where everyone has some equity that represents society at large. so thank you for sharing that and thank you for coming on the show and thank you for staying healthy and hopefully we'll see you again, not through a lens. >> absolutely. thank you so much for having me. >> trevor: have a good one, natalie. >> bye! >> trevor: thank you so much, thathatnathalie. that's our show for tonight. america is facing a nationwide poll shorten now because most poll workers are over 60 and with covid in the air, they're not showing up. that means fewer polling stations will be open and longer lines that not everyone can afford to stay and wait in especially in communities of color. the good news, is though, most poll working is paid and, in some states, you can be as young as 16 to do it. so if you're interested and you have the time, this is your
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chance to save granny, protech democracy and get some of that money, too. all you have to do is sign up at the link below to learn more. until tomorrow, stay safe out there, and now here it is... your moment of zen. >> but in 1955, 15 years old, the action of rosa parks, the action and words and leadership of dr. king inspired me to get into trouble, what i call good trouble, necessary trouble. you know, i got th arrested a fw times in the '60s. 40 times. ( audience reacts ) and since i have been in congress, another five times. ( cheers and applause ) and i'm probably going to get arrested again for something. ( applause ) but my philosophy is very simple, when you see something that is not right, not fair, not just, say something! do something! get in trouble!
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good trouble! necessary trouble! ( cheers and applause ) it is friday morning. and it is another beautiful day in scranton, pennsylvania. oh, my god. oh! [dialing telephone] pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up. oh, we have a serious problem here. all right, everybody. lock the doors. turn off the lights. pretend you're not here. are we in danger? there's no time to think about it. this is real. just shh, everybody. [knock on door] (dwight) michael, should i call the-- what? the i.t. tech guy and me did not get off to a great start. [soft piano music]
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♪ yeah, i tried to install it myself, but you guys have these things so password-protected. that just means you have to enter your password. uh... what's your password, michael? um, it's-- oh. 1, 2, 3, 4. yes. [typing on keyboard] michael-- aah! gah! please don't do that. okay, i'm sorry. what is going on in there? why is he here? what are you doing?

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