on whether to allow coronavirus to go back to school. so let's do this, people. welcome to "the daily distancing show." >> from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is "the daily distancing show" with trevor noah. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> trevor: let's kick things off with some good news. i'll give you a home to remember what that is. when the coronavirus pandemic hit, scientists said it could be a year to 18 months before we got a vaccine, but just like high school seniors on prom night, things are moving faster than expected. >> encouraging news as several companies rush to develop a vaccine against the coronavirus. there are promising results in early trials of at least three potential vaccine. one developed by the university of oxford astrazeneca. results say it is safe and produced an immune response in patients. another in cansino biologics,

is said to have presented i can't bodies in a month. another pfizer and biontech. >> trevor: this is exciting. not one, not two but three vaccines? and isn't the story of life? one moment you have too little, the next moment you're overwhelmed with options. three vaccines? which one do i choose? the chinese one, the oxford one. this is so hard. can i get a scoop of each. yeah, a scoop of each. part of me likes the fact they aren't made in america. america is one country where people will let politics to stop them from getting the veeps. i don't want that trump vaccine. i'm resisting! a biden vaccine is a liberal trap. you think it's a coincidence that coronavirus has the letters a, o and c in it? now, as hopeful as this is i please remember there are a lot of steps between now and a full

vaccine. i mean, need to finish the trials, they need to ramp up the vaccine production, plus they need to produce over a billion lollipops, because i don't care if it's the covid vaccine, if you give me a shot, you best believe i'm leaving with a lollipop. the u.s. needs the vaccine sooner than later because coronavirus is still hitting america hard, including in ways no one would have thought of. >> first it was toilette paper and hand sanitizer, now the coronavirus pandemic is causing americans to see a shortage of coins. the federal reserve is rationing the distribution of coins to banks. the banks, in turn, are supplying fewer coins to businesses. some retail stores are telling customers to use exact change or pay by credit or debt card. >> the bank in wisconsin is paying people to bring in spare change to help local businesses. the community state bank launched a coin buyback program. people who turn in $100 worth of change will get a $5 bonus.

hundreds of people have already dropped off spare change. some brought in coins without asking for anything back. >> trevor: yes, there are so few coins right now that banks are paying people to bring in their loose change. right now, i bet people all over the country are in line at gift shops with flattened pennies standing around, like, yo, you better throw that machine in reverse! i'm trying to get paid! where are all the magicians when we need them? now is a good time to pull a quarter from behind my army. not at m at my grandfather's ful when you were trying to cheer me up. i know you killed him! wouldn't be amazing if this is the next chapter of massive wealth generation in america. the oil boom gave birth to the rockefeller dynasty, then there was mark and jeff bezos. then coin shocialgh shortage ofr

grandmother kept all the pennies and now she's surfing with too much sun block on her face. queen elizabeth ii might want to invest in a ring doorbell because covid just took out some of her security team. >> the tower of london stood in the british capitol for nearly a thousand years but is not immune to coronavirus. they're facing redundancy. the beef eaters live and work at the tower providing tours. the organization that runs the tower says the pandemic has dealt a devastating blow to its finances. some of the approximately three dozen beef eaters could lose their jobs. >> trevor: yes, the world famous beef eaters are losing their jobs. and i don't get this, the same people with a tower full of jewels can't afford to pay a few guards' salaries? pawn a jewel or put up a castle

for an airbnb. i'm willing to bet some of the royal family are less worried about security now that meghan markle has left the country. it feels like crime has gone down around these parts, i don't know why... the queen isn't leaving the tower completely unguard. she hired the couple from st. louis to wave guns at tourists who come too close. i hope they don't fire the guys in the furry hats, too. because those guys don't respond to anything. i'm sorry, jim. but we have to let you go. jim, we're firing you. jim. jim. jim. jim! ore, forget it, i'll just grab a selfie. what's funny is they put, like, the hat on bush due i've already got -- those are just afros that have been -- anyway. moving on, the big news is now out of portland, oregon, the

first city to legalize marriage between a book store and bike shop. portland has seen more than 50 straight days of "black lives matter" protests. but over the last few days, something new has been happening with more and more protesters facing off against heavily armed law enforcement in some very dramatic ways. >> moms gathered singing please don't shoot me last night but local media says federal agents used tear gas and flash bombs to disperse the crowd. ♪ please don't shoot me ♪ some people are calling a 53-year-old naval veteran superman because he did not react after shot with tear gas. >> this woman showed up naked wearing nothing but a face mask and beanie. the police disdisperse when she just sat there and showed her

body. >> trevor: protesting naked? now, that's brave ri. although are we sure being naked is part of a protest? she could just be one of those people who spent so much time in lockdown they forgot they have to wear clothes when they leave the house. again, i'm sorry one to everyone in the bodega. i was popping in to buy some nuts. i didn't mean for everyone to see mine. how dope are the moms. you know the protests are picking up steam when your mom shows up. my jeremy wants to fight the system because this guy is a real acab, right, jeremy? mom, i told you i could defeat fascism my myself, god! what's blind this? they're reacting to a move by the trump administration that put the whole city on edge. for months, local officials there had been allowing peaceful demonstrations without too much interference, but president trump was not happy about that, so he decided to send in the feds, which led to scenes like this.

>> a crisis unfolding in portland, oregon, after a video surfaced online that showed massive camouflaged federal agents detaining peaceful protesters. >> attorney general alan rose bloom said federal agents are escalating the violence. she's suing several asies because of this. what's going on? who are you? >> they're grabbing people off the streets, putting them into their vans. >> trevor: sounds like more of an episode of narcos. unidentified soldiers throwing protesters into an unmarked van on a streets of portland? i don't care who you are, nothing good has ever come from an unmarked van. it's not like get in the unmarked van! we're going to disney world! and how are people supposed to tell the drrns between arrest and kidnapping? i don't know if you noticed, but in america, random dudes walk around in camel gear holding

guns all the time. can you tell which of these is a federal officer and which is army man kos play? because i can't. if you ask me, only one solution here and that solution is that everyone should dress up in camo. that's the only way everyone's going to be safe. that way, when they come to arrest you and throw you in their van. you can be like, no, i'm arresting you and throwing you in my van. then things will get so confusing, you will get thrown in your own van and can drive home. if you're wondering why should i care about this? it's happening in portland. i'm not even a hipster! well, now, trump says he's planning to send these secret police to cities all across america. so you might want to get naked and call your mom because shit's about to go down. we're about to take a quick break. when we come back, we'll try to solve the age-old math question. if a country has 3 million coronavirus cases but one idiot in the white house, when will

schools reopen? stay tuned for the answer. ( applause ) >> so we have many exciting things that we'll be announcing over the next eight weeks, i would say, things that nobody has even contemplated, thought about, thought possible, and things that we're going to get done, and we have gotten done, and we've started in most cases. we're taking on so many aspects of things that -- but you will see levels of detail, and you will see levels of thought that a lot of people believed very strongly we didn't have in this country. we're going to get things done. we're going to get things done that they've wand to see done for a long, long time. so i think we'll start sometime so i think we'll start sometime on tuesday.

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