so welcome to the dale social distancing show. >> from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in new orleans, "the daily distancing show" presents -- the republican national convention, celebrating february to come. >> i'm going to be honest, team. last night was not the most interesting convention night. actually, i'm going to be super honest, it was extremely boring, and that's only because the other nights have been so rock and roll. night one, kimberly guilfoyle attempted to summon the cracken! night two, donald trump had a ceremony immigrants that wasn't a marriage. but last night, the most exciting thing to happen was a speech by mike pence, a man so boring that during his mid life crisis he bought a minivan -- hey, ladies, you want to come on in, i'm going to costco? part of what made pence's speech so interesting is how he was able to hide so much bullshit

under the veneer of a respectful small-town pastor. he made me appreciate trump because trump says bullshit in in a way that's easy to spot. >> you mentioned the biecialtion how it's your favorite book. in iowa, some people are surprised you say that. i'm wonderingt what one or two of your most favorite bible verses are. >> i wouldn't want to get schweit because to me that's very personal. when i talk about the bible, that's very personal. so i don't want to get into it. >> there's no verse that means a lot that you think about or cite. >> the bible means a lot to me but i don't want to get into specifics. >> even to cite a verse. no, i don't want to do that. old testament or new testament guy? >> probably -- equal. >> trevor: see? obvious bullshit. we know he hasn't read the bible. granted he's never read any book but specifically not the bible. what's your favorite book, with mike pence, if you're not paying attention, he comes across as a reasonable guy.

the same way i didn't trust anything that the tiger team said but when doc anthem spoke, he almost made me believe he wasn't running a wild animal sex cult. seems like everyone was doing their thing. and last night was mike pence at his finest, cool, calm and full of b.s., starting with the way he talked about the civil unrest happening in america's cities. >> last week, joe biden didn't say one word about the violence and chaos engulfing cities across this country. president trump and i know that the men and women that put on the uniform of law enforcement are the best of us. every day, when they walk out that door, they consider our lives more important than their own. people like dave patrick underwood, an officer in the department of homeland security's federal protective

service, who was shot and killed during the riots in oakland, california dave's heroism is emblematic of the heros that serve in blue every day. >> trevor: first off, pence says that an officer was culled during the riots in oakland, which gives you the impression that the officer was killed by rioters, right? the truth is the person charged with killing officer underwood is a right-wing terrorist. it's sort of like saying that bruce lee died during the vietnam war. yeah, technically, that's correct because he died in 1973, but it's not while he was fighting the vietcong. you've got to tell the truth, people. bruce lee was killed by the illuminati. when pence says joe biden didn't say one word about the violence during the convention, he's giving you the impression biden supports the riots, when in fact biden condemned them a few months ago when they started and continued con dumbing them when

they kicked off yesterday in kenosha. mike pence doesn't lie, he just implies, bt that's fine, i guess. there's no commandment that says thou shalt not suggest false witness against thy neighbor. according to mike pence, america is falling into anarchy but you will never guess whose fault it is. >> joe biden says america is systemically racist and law enforcement in america has, and i quote, an implicit bias against minorities. joe biden would can you believe down on the very policies that are leading the violence in america's cities. the hard truth is you won't be safe in joe biden's america. >> trevor: that's right you see all the bad stuff happening in trump's america, well that's

actually joe biden's america. so, wait, when is it trump's america? when things are going well. and as for the idea that you won't be safe when joe biden is president, people are not safe now! forget the riots, coronavirus is waiting to punch me in the lungs as soon as i leave the house! you won't be safe in the future! bitch, i can't even go to a denny's right now! so meeps talking about riots and protest wasn't exactly on the up and up, but nothing compared to his bullshit about trump's handling of the coronavirus pandemic, which to hear him tell it was more per feck than trump's call with ukraine. >> before the first case of the coronavirus spread within the united states, the president took unprecedented action and suspended all travel from china, the second largest economy in the world. now, that action saved untold american lives, and i can tell you firsthand, it bought us

invaluable time to launch the greatest national mobilization since world war ii. president trump martialed the full resources of our federal government from the outset. he directed us to forge a seamless partnership with governors across america in both political parties. today, we're conduct morgue than 800 -- conducting more than 800,000 tests a day and coordinated more than a billion pieces of personal protective equipment for our amazing doctors, nurses and healthcare workers. ( applause ) >> trevor: i'm not going to lie. i'm actually impressed by how much you excrement pence managed to pack in here because, yes, america is doing 800,000 test as day now, what pence doesn't mention is the many months where america did basically no testing and trump himself wants there to be less testing. pence brags about coordinating delivery of p.p.e.

what he dwunt mention is americ was so unorganizationed nurses were wrapping themselves up in garbage bags. it's great that you bought invaluable time to launch an actual mobilization but what would have been even better is if you used that invaluable time to actually do the actual mobilization. and for the seamless partnership with america's governors, i assume pence was referring to when trump told democratic governors they would only get help if they were nice to him? i guess that's a seamless partnership. the same way when a guy walks into a bank, tells somebody to put the money in the bag, then put the money in the bag. #teamwork. to be fair, mike pence admitted america hasn't completely solved coronavirus. but then got had because joe biden said finishing the job would actually take work. >> now, last week, joe biden said that no miracle is coming.

but what joe doesn't seem to understand is that america is a nation of miracles. ( applause ) and i'm proud to report that we're on track to have the world's first safe, effective coronavirus vaccine by the end of this year. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: wow, what a miracle! we might be getting the vaccine at some point and only 200,000 people have to die first. take that, joe biden! i don't think it still qualifies as a miracle if it happens long after we needed the miracle. god parting the red sea wouldn't have been quite as miraculous if it happened eight months after the egyptians stabbed all the israelites to death. so that was mike pence's speech. i guess we finally found out why pence always has the permanent squint. his own face is going, are we really saying this bullshit? at least pence finder the

address by turning all the b.s. into one amazing new terrible campaign slogan. >> we will reelect our president, and principled republican leaders across the land, and with president donald trump in the white house for four more years, and with god's help, we will "make america great again, again." >> trevor: damn, i didn't think they could come up with something worse than "make america great again" but they did it. maga was a call to a by gone that never existed. the new slogan sounds like somebody who got hit in the head with a bag of hammers. because what's implied by "make america great again, again," is at some point during your rpty, you ( bleep ) up. seems like the whole slogan is a mistake. mr. president, we immediate kneed to think of a brand-new slogan up. how about "make america great again." again? my, god, mike, you're a gene

just! hobbles, i wouldn't trust anyone who uses the phrase "again, again." if my plumber said he needed to fix my toilet "again, again "," i would find a new plumber and a toilet. i don't care what race my plumber, is i was just wanting you to say -- let me start that joke again, again. that was night three of the r.n.c. when we come back, i'll explain why america should reelect president trump. yeah, that's what i said. we'll be right back. >> sheen spicer our press secretary gave alternative facts to that, but the point being -- >> wait a minute, alternative facts? >> two iraqis came here to the country, were rail callized and the masterminds behind the bowling green massacre. >> this is covid 19, not covid

1, so you would that you that the people charged with the world health organization's facts and figures would be on top of that. >> it is being contained. do you think it's not being contained? >> there was an article this week that talked about how you could surveil someone through their homes, certainly through their television sets, any number of different ways, and mike waves that turn into cameras, et cetera. >> what was my temperament yesterday? >> very calm, no temper tantrum. they said you were having a temper tantrum, rage, that's a lie. >> conclusion, collusion now. illusion, delusion, yes. >> official government business -- >> blah, blah, listen -- presidential election. -- i'm sorry, are you talking about something from a year and a half ago? do you have a relevant question?

>> go buy ivanka's stuff. i'm going to get some myself today.

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africa's worst. but now, of all of the presidents, america is blessed to be living under its greatest. >> trump is the greatest president since ronald reagan -- in the history of the country, no one's done any more than i have. i'm the most presidential president. i don't believe there's been a president that did more than i have. i've done more than george washington and abraham lincoln. >> donald j. trump, the greatest president of all time in history. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> america's first president was a brilliant general who won our freedom from the hostile ancestors of megan meghan marke. but president trump had an even superior miller mind. in his first week, he declared a

travel ban that blocked hordes of muslim invaders from converting your home into a mosque. while previous presidents allowed muslims to infiltrate american society, president trump knew they were just advanced scouts for an army of muslims. and although president ronald reagan defeated the army of the mighty soviet union -- >> mr. gorbachev, tear down this wall. >> -- he pales in comparison to president trump who's defeated the even mightier army of mexico. thanks to his leadership, america is safe from its terrifying soldiers. and our southern border is now secure forever because president trump has built "the wall." ♪ ♪

♪ teddy roosevelt was an outdoorsman with a deep respect for nature, but only donald trump, a man brave enough to stare down the sun has made nature respect the president. under president trump, america is increasing its water supplies to record numbers. its pristine wilderness is seeing a boom of new energy jobs, and president trump has ended the brutal windmill genocide. >> do you want to see a bird graveyard? go under a windmill some time. >> rest in power. so commanding is the president over natural that category 5 hurricanes will change their course at the stroke of his pen. ♪ ♪ ♪ abraham lincoln brought together a nation divided by war, but president trump has united us even more by reaching out to the most marginalized americans, whether whether they be

overzealous commanders or unorthodox babysitters. >> i just wish her well. although president lincoln had to confront the confederacy, lincoln would have soiled his top hat if he had seen the group of traitors that confronted president trump. >> i don't think he's fit for office. >> a man who is pretty undisciplined. >> he is unstable and he really should not have access to the nuclear code. >> to use his own words, he's a very, very bad guy. >> but unlike president lincoln, donald trump survived these vicious attacks. he outflanked the general. he was conflicted with the oil baron and he put the elf on the shelf. >> you're fired, get out. boom! you're fired! >> and just as previous presidents pulled this from the

ashes of pearl harbor in 9/11, so, too, did donald trump guide america through the russia hoax and impeachment over a perfect phone call. >> i made a perfect call, not a good call, a a perfect call. >> and it was perfect, better than any phone call thomas jefferson made. and abroad, president trump has united america with global leaders and committed to democracy himself vladimir putin, the saudis and kim jong un, forging new lines. >> we fell in love. no, really, he wrote he beautiful letters, we fell in love. >> and he embraced the love that brought peace to america, despite the strain it brought to his marriage. in fact, president trump has made such a good impression overseas that everyone wanted to come to america. but not so fast, because we still have -- the wall. coming soon. ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ in darker times, america spent a decade -- >> we are more than a collection of red and blue states. we are and forever will be the united states of america. >> -- incomprehensible. but president trump's oratory has brought the english language to new heights and new words. >> the compact made a pivotable removed ten thousand known suspected gang members. the 9/11 victims -- i have to tell you, as bad as it is -- to measure and other measurers -- heart, lung and liver transplants -- anonymous -- >> we just had another stockbroker -- these historical

accomplishment shades -- asimilarrites -- donald trump's very, very large brain. >> it truly has been four years of stunning accomplishment, and by late february 2020, america had achieved a greatness never before seen on earth and that seems like a good place to wrap things up. it is time to reelect president donald trump so he can keep dangerous criminals off our streets, finish the wall, and become not just america's greatest president, but the greatest leader of every country in the world. donald j. trump the greatest president in the history of all time. >> exclamation point! >> trevor: make the right choice, america. all right, don't go away. after the break, we'll catch up on the unprecedented day in the n.b.a. stick around.

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introducing, scamshield, free from t -mobile. get fewer scam calls. period. with t-mobile's supercharged network, you can say goodbye to annoying scam calls, and feel free to answer your phone again. hello. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily distancing show." we're covering the republican convention all week long, but as you've probably noticed, there's also plenty of other stuff going on right now, too. so let's take a look at all the nonconventional stories in our ongoing wrap-up. since the police shooting of jacob blake in kenosha, wisconsin, we've seen a new surge in activism surrounding racial justice and last night the protests moved from the street to the bubble. >> mass protests by pro athletes taking a major stand over the police shooting of jacob blake. the milwaukeeys bucs sparked a basketball boycott and a chain

traiks throughout the world of sports. overnight the n.b.a. paused the playoff as the milwaukee bucs players refused to take the court against the orlando magic last night just before tipoff. >> in the overwhelming please of change there has been no action and there will be no basketball. >> the bucs spoke with elected officials and afterwards released a collective statement calling for change. they want the police officers involved in the shooting held accountable and they're also calling on the wisconsin state legislature to address police brutality and social justice reform. >> trevor: that's right, in an unprecedented move, the n.b.a. had to postpone its playoff games after the players went on strike, which, don't get it twisted, is a really big deal. this shit is so radical it makes colin kaepernick look moderate. i bet somewhere out there there's a racist guy who's, like, i miss the good old days

where at least they would show up for work. props to the at least for using their platform tore bringing attention to what's happening in the streets. when you think about it, sports doesn't stop for anything so when sports shut down, people take notice. remember the time aliens landed on earth? of course you don't remember, because it was the playoffs. i'm also glad this movement was started by the players and not by the league because you know the league would have just put out a let's let's dunk them racm poster. some people didn't see it that way. >> after november 3, if they don't like the election, if donald trump wins, will they boycott the next game? will football follow? will we play sports by what's in the news every day? >> the fans will never come back. >> the n.b.a. players are very fortunate they have the financial position where they're

able to take a night off from work without having to have the consequences to themselves financially. >> i think it's nice that they're standing up on the issue but i would like to see them move into concrete solutions that are productive. >> trevor: okay, guys, i'm a little confused. are n.b.a. players supposed to shut up and dribble or literally fix racism by themselves? i think america relies on the athletes to do everything. they're supposed to play be able, fix racism, sell cereal and days all the kardashians? i like how they say n.b.a. players shouldn't complain because they're well paid. first they're rich because they're the best. why are you rich other than looking like a victorian ghost? also, rich people shouldn't complain? your father is a rich guy who does nothing but complain. get the ( bleep ) out of here man. it's always nice when republicans get to choose who

gets to complain about politics. if you're a coop served with money they're, like, you're the one person whorved complain because you know more than these broke ass bitches. and then are we going to play sports according to the news? we can have a rain day, we can sure as hell have a police brutality delay. the other ongoing crisis, coronavirus, the biggest fashion influencer of 2020. for months the c.d.c. has been saying the key to getting the pandemic under control is testing testing and more testing. and then yesterday, something changed. >> after months of telling americans that if they're exposed to someone with the coronavirus that they should get tested, the c.d.c. is now saying there's no need in most case ifs you have no symptoms. and the "new york times" is reporting that the change was ordered from the top-down by the president, who believes that bad numbers are meant to hurt his reelection campaign and has said over and over that more tests drive up the numbers of covid 19

cases. the nation's top infectious disease doctor anthony fauci says this was done without him. he was under anesthesia and surgery when this was approved. >> trevor: this is the shadiest thing i have ever seen. president trump is apparently sabotaging america's coronavirus response because he doesn't like the look of high case numbers? this guy's special. clearly, he doesn't care if a problem is solved. he only cares if it has the appearance of being solved. i wouldn't be shocked if all the fire extinguishers in this building are just painted on. ah! who would do this? who would do this? and if that wasn't bad enough, they waited until dr. fauci was having surgery before they did this. guys, come on, man. i can't believe that trump went behind fauci's back while the man was in the hospital! that's like cheating on your wife while she's pregnant! which trump also did, so never

mind, i guess i can't believe it. although now it finally makes sense why trump kept offering to buy fauci a boob job. i think you should consider it, anthony. a lot of people will pay more attention to you. in fact, just thinking abit, i'm paying more attention to you right now! so big. this is why we cannot afford to have fauci unconscious for any reason -- no surgery, no sleep, no watching mike pence give a speech, nothing that locks you out. at the very least if fauci is incapacitated we need a minifauci that can take over at anytime. while america is dealing with coronavirus, racism and economic depression, it wouldn't be 2020 if we couldn't squeeze in at least one more catastrophe. >> this morning, hurricane laura making landfall, clamming lake charles, louisiana in the bullseye. 100,000 without power at the

coast is battered by wind tbuses and rain. >> the wind shredding the skyscraper. >> the whole building is falling apart. >> the r.v. was flipped as the storm moves in. power lines just littering the streets and igniting. power surmings leading to this massive fire. >> this reporter in texas almost hit by a falling power line. >> oh -- that's not good. it's raining so hard that it legitimately feels like rock. i mean, it stings your face, it stings your skin, anything that you have exposed, it really hurts, okay. >> this was a comfort monument but the city voted not to take down. as you can tee, hurricane laura as ripped it to the ground. >> trevor: damn, this was insane! the gulf coast was hit by one to have the biggest hurricanes in years, and i'm honestly glad it dissipated quickly but also glad it knocked down the comfort

statue on the way out. republicans don't believe in climate change, but they believe in cancel culture. so if weather is tearing down their statutes, maybe now they'll finally do something to stop it. it's time to cut down --en emissions because i'm sick of these p.c. storms telling americans who we should be! so props to hurricane laura for ripping dhiewnt statue, though next week hurricane kern will roll in and call the cops on her for doing it. time for a quick break. when we come back, jaboukie young-white tries to swallow the red bil

>> trevor: welcome back to the "daily social distancing show." the g.o.p. campaign scene is it clear -- america is doing great, except tore the parts that aren't trump's fault. at this point, you either believe that message or you don't. but what if he wants to believe what the republicans are telling you? well, our very own jaboukie young-white spoke to one g.o.p. delegate to try to figure out how he can go full maga. >> after four nights of watching the republican national convention, i would honestly prefer to live in whatever alternate time line there is. >> we built the wall.

peace in the middle east. you have the ability to choose your life and determine your destiny! >> i mean, who doesn't want that? so i sat down with 19-year-old r.n.c. delegate michael albrecht to see what it takes to buy into this republican dream world. you're a maga dude. where are your wrap around oakley sunglasses and stuff hanging off the back of your truck. are you allowed to be republican and wear transparent frames? >> i know there's stereotypes of republicans. i definitely don't fit that mold. >> how did you get into this? were you rebelling against democratic parents or someone pointed a gun at you? i don't know what's going on outside of the frames so blink twice if you need help. >> what? you blinked. oh, my god are you okay? give me your address. is he in the room or she or they? >> no, i'm all by myself, actually. >> that sounds like something a kidnapped person would say.

if he wasn't been coerced, why is he into donald trump. are you not conflicted you are in a teen and want to ban tik tok. >> i do like trump, obviously. right. the coronavirus, the economy was doing great, and unemployment was down and all that good stuff. the major thing keeping him from winning the election this november would be his tweets. love you trump if you're watching, i'm a big supporter, but shut your mouth sometimes. >> he's absolutely not watching. he likes trump except for his tweets. that's like liking everything about kanye but his miewct. what was it that drew michael to the republican party. >> in 2017 the evergreen state college had this event and the school sponsored an event in which no white people could go to school for a day. ( laughter ) and the professor didn't want to follow by the rule because it was discrimination on the basis of race. >> sorry, hold on, hold on.

he got a paid day off work and said -- >> no. yeah. i guess he put his values before his money, unfortunately, yeah. >> but isn't that antithetical to being a republican? >> i think nothing is more damaging than paint ago broad stroke over a group of people and saying they don't care about lies in terms of, like, school shootings, you don't care about children's lives, you don't care about voter suppression, or it could be just a variety of issues, and way more complicated than that. >> no, of course you care about kids' lives, you just also care about gun manufacturers having to meet their quarterly earnings, like a balance of two things. >> if you want to go shooting with me, you're free to. i'm a bad shot, though. but it's within your rights. >> i never said i was anti-gun. i'm from chicago. >> okay, i'm definitely not going to go shooting with this guy, and the more we talked, i realize we have just no common

ground. >> i'm celebrating my one month and six-day anniversary with my boyfriend. hi, brian. >> oh, my god. that's awesome. i didn't know that you had a boyfriend. that changes everything! if this guy can be gay and a republican, maybe i could be, too! i just need to rewatch the convention with an open mind. >> did you know abortion even had a smell? >> okay, nevermind. >> trevor: thanks for that, jaboukie. that's our show for tonight, but before we go, there's less than three months until the election, and america is facing a nationwide poll worker shortage. and it's because most poll workers are over 60, and with covid still in the air, they are understandably not showing up. but fewer poll workers means fewer polling stations open, and it means longer lines that not everybody can afford to stay and wait in, especially in communities of color. but the good news is, most poll working is paid, and, in some states, you can be as young as 16 to do it. so if you're interested and have

the time, this is your chance to save granny, protect democracy and get paid too! sign up at the link below to learn more. until tomorrow -- stay safe out there, wear a mask, and remember to solve systemic racism by yourself. now, here it is -- your moment of zen. >> it's -- if not now, when? if not during a pandemic and countless lives being lost, if not now, when? we understand it's not gonna end, but that does not mean, young men, that you don't do anything. don't listen to these people telling you don do anything because it's not going to end right away. you were starting something for the next generation and the next generation to take over. do you have to be smart? yes. do you have to make sure that you have a plan? yes. do you have to be articulate about that plan? yes. all of those things, but that's what you're going to do. they're professionals. they know how to be the best of themselves. so i applaud it. i applaud it because it is the young people, it is the young

people leading the way, and i applaud them. - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ and t-mobile doesn't just have a bigger network,

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