mped by the librarian. good night. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily social distancing show. i'm trevor noah and we're back after the labor day weekend, and i really hope you found a safe way to hang out with your friends and reconnect with people. you know, personally, i had an amazing break. yeah, i really did. i went to a boat ride that turned into a swimming lessen. me and my crew went to a private island and tested negative, #wear a mask. then a dude tried to fly into my house with balloons, and gave nancy pelosi a blowout. and great seats at the u.s. open and novak djokovic even gave me the match ball! i can still feel it! but we're back now and on tonight's show we'll meet the new rachel dolezal, look how a gender reveal party destroyed

california and how putin and trump are in a race to release the least trustworthy vaccine. let's do this. welcome to "the daily social distancing show. >> from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is "the daily social distancing show with trevor noah! >> trevor: let's kick things off in california. the only state where botox is considered an essential service. this year's wildfire season has been one of the worst in history with dozens of fires burning a record 2 million acres. and now we're finding out that one of this weekend's biggest blazes started in one of the dumbest ways possible. >> crews continue battling dozens of raging wildfires in california. >> officials say one of the fires, the el dorado in san bernardino county started after pyrotechnics were used in a gender reveal party.

scorched thousands of acres. only # 7% contained as of late last night. no word of any charges related to the fire. >> trevor: i've said it before and i'll say it again, these gender reveals have gone too far! 10,000 acres have burned and it's not even the first time this kind of thing has happened. ty -- at this point a gender reveal party is one of the most dangerous terrorist organizations. but, guys, this has to stop. right? or at least if you insist on a gender reveal, you should do something that helps the situation. the water is pink! it's a girl! and aside from all the damage it can cause, celebrating a baby's genitalia is starting to feel very outdated. like given everything we're learning about gender, gender reveal parties should only happen when the child is old enough to know their actual gender and to pitch in some cash for the fire damage. honestly, i don't even know why

we need gender reveal parties. you know what we do need, though, race reveal parties. >> a bombshell confession from an african-american history professor at george washington university who claims ties to the bronx. jessica krug reveals in a blog post that she is a white jewish woman who has been pretending to be black for years. >> she feigned being black and latina, now a white woman says she is canceling herself revealing decades of deception. krug has been teaching since 2012 often posing as puerto rican. she's seen here addressing the new york city in june. >> thank you so much power to my black and brown siblings. >> she is apologizing saying her life is based on a lie. >.>> trevor: you can't say that when you told the lie. only when someone else told you

the lie. luke, i am your father! no! my life was based on a lie! unlike raich raich who failed to hold on to her black identity, jessica krug came out and said cancel that. in a way she's making history which i can't wait to celebrate "not actually black history month." i find feel sorry for this woman. she spent most of her life being black. now she has to adapt to being white. that's not easy. all of a sudden she has to learn the lyrics to sweet caroline. she's going to have to pretend to enjoy farmers markets. she has to drive an old car even though she can afford a brand-new one. it's fiscally responsible. black people have bigger

concerns than white ladies self-carrotting themselves. another video of shocking police brutality came out this time in upstate new york. >> protests in rochester peaceful last night, marched to the steps of city hall where they announced demands including firing and prosecution of the officers involved in the death of daniel prude plus resignation of the mayor and belief. the peaceful demonstration followed days of highly charged clashes between protestors which began with the release wednesday of body cam footage of prude's arrest. the footage from the march 23 encounter showed him placed in a spit hoot on the ground because officers believe he had covid. he went into cardiac arrest and died a week later. >> damage from protesters in this market but owners say they're standing with those who are standing against injustice. ( shouting ) up. >> trevor: okay, guys, no.

no, no, no. i'm sorry, but no. i'm all for the "black lives matter" movement and fighting against systemic racism and police brutality but it's not acceptable to storm a restaurant and flip over tables. first, you introduce yourself. hi, my name is sean, and i will be your protester this evening. then you flip over the tables! manners, people. now, look, jokes aside, we are living through one of the most stressful times in modern history, right? and in order to have any honest conversation, we have to acknowledge everything that's happening. you have a pandemic with people losing their jobs and lives. on top of all that, you have a nation that has been inundated with images of police brutality day in and day out. people are experiencing it all the time. here's what i think. i think sometimes in society people get more focused on the symptoms than the cause because right now everyone is talking about what's the right way to protest. i think the real question people

should be asking is why does there need to be a protest in the first place? because if i had a magic wand, i wouldn't be trying to fix protest. i would use it to get the police to stop brutalizing black people. that's why the protests are happening. how they're happening is another conversation. that's what i would do if i had the magic. then first i would make yarple stick with one size plug, then stop brutalizing black people. finally, let's have a little bit of light news with jelly bellies. a perfect gift when you forgot to get a gift until you landed at the airport because now they could with your ticket to a world of pure imagination. >> the founder of jelly belly is taking a page out of "charlie and the chocolate factory" with his own willy wonka golden s ticket hunt. he is hided necklaces with coded golden tags across the

opportunity. most winners will get $5,000 each, but the big winner gets the key to their very own candy factory. >> trevor: i don't know about this story. this dude is just giving away a candy factory? something seems fishy to me. he's probably going to hand over the keys and be the factory is all yours, kid! by the way, jelly bellies are made out of asbestos. bye! why do we act like willi willy a was a fun dude. how many kids died in his factory? if you think about it, willy wonka was jigsaw in a top hat. he killed people in increasingly elaborate ways, but bays he did it while singing show tunes, people were, like, this guy is whimsical. where's the kid from germany? i don't know, the song is so catchy! when we come back, why trump and russia are both pushing coronavirus vaccines a little too hard. don't g

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"the daily social distancing show. believe it or not, it has now been nine months since the coronavirus was first unleashed into the world by george soros from a reversed engineered dinosaur dna. it's not that? that's what i read on facebook. anyway, let's catch up on where the pandemic stands now in our ongoing segment the pandumbic. are you sure it wasn't dna? ♪ ♪ as of today, the united states has had more than 6.3 million confirmed cases of covid 19, and while transmission rates have declined from their peak in

july, there are still new hot spots popping up all over the country. most recently on newly reopened college campuses. >> across the country more universities temporarily switching to virtual learning with only some students staying on campus, as college towns around the country are quickly becoming epicenters for the virus. >> in georgia, mississippi and utah, thousands of students and hundreds of teachers have recently been asked to quarantine. >> many universities are take drastic action to ensure students, teachers and staff are safe all along the way, and one of the harsh estpunishments imposed, 11 first year students at boston's northeastern university were dismissed and declined a refund for their 36,000-plus-dollar tuition after crowding together in a hotel room. >> trevor: that's right. some schools are kicking out students for partying but keeping their tuition. which is insane. i mean, if you waste 36-grand on college, you should at least leave with a communications degree. i do hope colleges get all these

outbreaks under control soon because going to college remotely is just not the same. there are so many things about the college experience that only work if you're there in person. i mean, imagine turning to a frat hazing on zoom. grab your bottle of hot sauce from your fridge and chug it! i have apricot lacroix. i can chug it. >> yeah, chug it! >> if you're a high school senior, only one thingto you're looking at when applying to colleges. find out which schools avoid coronavirus outbreaks and do not apply there. those people do not know how to party. this is one more reason we really can't have a season soon enough. another problem is we also can't get one too soon. >> latest cbs news poll finds the majority of americans are skeptical about a vaccine. 65% say if one became available this year, they'd consider it

rushed, and 58% say they would consider getting one but wait to see what happens. >> kamala harris was asked if she would trust a trump administration vaccine. >> it would have to be a credible source of information that talks about the efficacy and the reliability of whatever he's talking about. i will not take his word for it. he wants us to inject bleach. no, i will not take his word. >> trevor: look, i get why white people are skeptical. there are a lot of things where i'll take trump's recommendation. how to write an n.d.a., how to do the smooth criminal leave where the set of stairs are too slippery, but vaccines is not an area of his expertise. you don't want trump involved in this deal. it's like going on shark tank and getting advice from robert. any offers? mark, lori? i'm good, i'll just go bankrupt. thanks, though, robert. thanks for that. eat whic way, it's cute how peoe

think it will be up to them whether they get trump's vaccine. it will be up to trump and knowing him he'll turn it into quid pro quo. i'll give you one shot for a piece of dirt on joe biden. what do you say? lest be honest, this skepticism hasn't come out of nowhere. president trump has given people pretty good reasons his timeline might not be based on science. >> in a new year conference, president trump with us all but giving away his own october surprise suggesting there will be a coronavirus vaccine ready by election day. >> you could have a very big surprise coming up. we're going to have a vaccine very soon, maybe etch before a special date. do you knowt what date i'm talking about. >> trevor: why is he talking about election day like a weird sex innuendo. you know what date i'm talking about. gonna stick your big hard vote in that ballot box. just put it right in.

i mean, obviously, we know what date he's talking about. what other date would trump possibly remember besides election day? his kids' birthdays,? his anniversary? a date from a history book? he doesn't know any of those things. this is why people are skeptical. trump keeps talking about this vaccine as if the goal is to get it out before election day. and any normal president would at least pretend that the vaccine will be released based on science, but trump doesn't even pretend. guy's got the worst poker face in the world which is why he would be the best and worst person to play poker with. you would know when he was bluffing, but would be no point because he would never pay up. with trump making everybody nervous, the companies competing to make the vaccine are actually getting together to try to calm all this shit down. >> a major development in the race to produce a coronavirus vaccine in something very unprecedented. some of the country's most

well-known drug-makers present ago united front saying they will not rush a vaccine without proper testing and approval. >> these are some of the biggest pharmaceutical companies in the world, typically fierce competitors, but are coming together with what they called an historic pledge to shore up confidence in a possible covid 19 vaccine. >> the c.e.o.s of nine pharmaceutical companies including astrazeneca, johnson & johnson, and pfizer say they will commit to high ethical standards and sound scientific principles as they work toward developing a vaccine. the statement includes a pledge to always make the safety and well being of vacs made individuals our top priority. >> trevor: yes, people are so skeptical about this vaccine that the drug companies had to come out and pledge that they're not going to rush things. that's how bad trump is. he's managed to make big pharma turn into the good guys. that's saying something. janlsenen janzen sold powder

that gave them cancer. glaxosmithkline hit safety data from the f.d.a. pfizer has the unnecessary p in it. if i see a p followed by an f that better be followed by chang's, otherwise i'm out. the important thing, it's so hard for people to trust that any vaccine that comes out as safe and effective before it is distributed, because if a government rushes one out for political purposes, you get -- well, something like what's happening in russia right now. >> russia's health ministry says the first batch of its so-called sputnik 5 coronavirus vaccine has been produced for use in the general population. he'll officials outside russia, however, have raids concerns that the shot was approved even before clinical testing had finished last week. >> still not proven, haven't finished human trials and widely

distrusted. it's been made available to key front line workers like doctors and teachers. but few if any of the russian teachers have taken the vaccination. >> today it is obvious for our scientists that this vaccine forms stable immune resistance. antibodies appear in the blood just like in the case of my daughter and is harmless. my daughter feels well. >> trevor: yeah, guys. of course, putin's daughter feels well, she knows the consequences if she doesn't. hey, maybe we don't need a vaccine at all. we just need putinish to shoe veiled threats to anyone who thinks they have covid. so do you have corona? i -- ( coughing ) -- mr. president. isn't it surprising russians are hesitant to take the vaccine, but russian national pride is on the line here which is probably why they started promoting this vaccine with a brand-new public service announcement.

♪ ♪ >> are you tired of the wearies mask, are you tired of washing hands all day, are you afraid covid 19 will kill you before putin has a chance to? then try mother russia's new covid vaccine, sputnik 5, by scientists who brought nation many glorious gold medals. it is safe and effective. how do we know? because it was test opened a bear by a scientist who is also a bear. then we did clinical trials with many prisoners, and the vaccine did not kill any of the ones who survived. and if you are coward afraid of needles, then don't worry, we will just slip it into your tea. ( coughing ) sputnik 5, take now so you can enjoy last few weeks of russian summer. ♪ ♪ >> trevor: all right, we have to take a quick break but when

we come back, i'll be talking to the one and only malcolm gladwell. stick around. ♪ alright, style milk ♪ start your day ♪ body fuel, time to play ♪ drinkin' it after class milk ♪ ♪ 3,2,1 blast milk ♪ full of calcium milk ♪ make you number one milk ♪ twist milk, tough milk ♪ howdy do. what up milk? ♪ shuffle milk ♪ shot milk ♪ question: got milk?

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we adapt and we change we're here to keep you safe. "the daily social distancing show. so earlier today, i spoke with one of my favorite authors and a best-selling author malcolm gladwell. we talked about his podcast, revisionist history and how you can teach yourself to think the way you don't think. check it out. malcolm gladwell. welcome to "the daily social distancing show. >> thank you. i'm very flattered to be on it. >> trevor: i'm honored to have you here because, i said this to you before we started recording but i'll say it again while people are watching so there are witnesses, you are one of the people who always taught me to question what i think i know about the world. you're an expert in doing that in your books. you create and tell stories about things that are seemingly

unconnected and then, by the end of the story or the book, we start to realize how everything is connected or affects something else in a way we never thought possible. your podcast does that as well. one of my favorite things in the podcast is when you talk about elections. what was mind blowing is realizing as human beings we are horrible at predicting who will be a good leader. i found myself at the end of the podcast saying maybe elections should be lotteries. maybe we should have no elections, no money spent, no people campaigning, just a lottery system of all the people who want to run should run. do you still stick by that? is that something you believe in when you look at elections? >> the cues we use to predict who is going to be a good leader are faulty. do i think that should be true of a presidential campaign? no, but i do think there is a way to restructure our elections where we do cast a net a lot

wider, and maybe at a local level we should go with lotteries as a way of picking who our leader should be. i think there is something to that. >> trevor: right now america is going through a really, really tough time. i think it's exacerbated by coronavirus. the george floyd protests have now swelled into a nationwide movement where people in the country are saying we want to see change predominantly within the police force. for those who think they have an idea of police, police reform, defunding the police or even abolition, what do you think some of the unthought thoughts should be about this whole process? >> well, my question would be we've done a very good job, i think, in the last couple of months, focusing on what reform of police behavior in this country looks like. now i think it's time for us to turn the attention on ourselves, what are the kinds of things we

can do, nonpolice officers can do, to make the job of policing better in this country? and i think that's the part we've neglected. we make the police in this country deal with things like mental illness and hoamedzness. why? because we have radically underfunded the social support mechanisms for those two social problems. the cops get that job by default. it's a really hard job. they're not trained to do it, and they don't want to do it, right? so what we're doing is we've take an group of people who already have an insanely difficult job, we've made it a lot harder. why? because we're too cheap and too unfeeling and too lazy to build adequate support systems for people who are very much in need in our country. so there's a case where i think stage two is a time for people like me and you and all of us to stand up and say, okay, i am willing to support greater funding for homeless services for the mentally ill in order to

improve quality of policing in this country, among other things. that's where i think we should be headed now. i feel like if people in the police department saw that, they would be much more willing to embrace reforms because they would say, you know what? we're all nothing to. it's a very different place to start a reform conversation, a conversation that's all about here's what you're doing wrong. >> trevor: it's interesting because you're the perfect person for me to ask this to because there's been a puzzle in my brain around protest. in america there's an interesting conundrum. people go, what is the correct way to protest? although i'm distilling it down, there seems to be two schools of thought. protests should be something that doesn't disrupt the status quo, doesn't break anything, doesn't put anybody out of their way. another school of thought is the very definition of protest is it is meant to make society itself uncomfortable and not be able to

live its life as if everything is normal. and i think myself protest is in many ways is defined by your standing in life. the more you have, the less of a tolerance you will have for protests. in all of your studies and the work you look at in the ideas, have you come across or do you think the mind of malcolm gladwell will go, like, there is a definitive answer to this or is this something society has never ever figured out? >> there's no definitive answer. it's funny you say i would be the appropriate person to ask. i would say actually you are. you're south african. the best contemporary example of how to handle a successful protest reform movement, last 25 years, is nelson mandel larks right? what does mandela have in common with other historical examples? martin luther king, gandhi -- their protest the purposeful and

disciplined. what i would like to see from the protests that we have now is that same discipline and purposefulness. i think we have it in large part, but there are times when it doesn't seem to be either of those things. when a bunch of people get out of control and start breaking windows, then i say, i don't know really know what that is achieving. when i see people, those kinds of protests that were in new york or major cities where, you know, tens of thousands of people would march purposefully and peacefully with one voice, demonstrating to the world that this is not some minor niche group in society that's upset, this is everyone. that, to my mind, i had a number of people who studied police reform very close to me that said that had tremendous impact in getting people like congress to take police reform seriously. >> trevor: so that's one side of my brain. there is another argument,

though, and that is that without that sided of the protests, they wouldn't have been seen as the reasonable person to deal with, the reasonable -- you know what i mean? people say martin luther king needed malcolm as much as the other needed the other. thath the puzzle i'm playing with in my head as i go is it the peaceful protest that works or is it the fact that the peaceful protest is seen as peaceful relative to another protest. you get what i'm saying? for instance, colin kaepernick was protesting peacefully. he was met with the utmost resistance anyone could be met with. i'm sure now if he kneeled people would say that's a much better way to protest than breaking a window. >> yeah, i do think there's something to what you're saying. i would only add that, to my mind, there is an immediate existential threat to all of this which is the possibility that trump gets reelected, and all i care about right now is that we get through this election in tact.

you know, an awful lot of what we're seeing that is malignant and pathological in america right now is simply a result of this guy in the white house. so, you know, my fear -- i don't know whether it's a legit fear or not -- but part of me worries that the more violent kinds of protests have the effect of aiding trump's reelection. >> trevor: before i let you go, you have done a lot of work looking at the way human beings see each other, the way human beings interact with each other and how that can define progress or a stagnant society. is there a better way for us to communicate, specifically, i should say, with people we don't agree with? i'm not talking about nazis, i'm just talking about people who we have some political disagreements with. >> we need to find a way to understand the complexity of the people we're talking to. so you and i could make a list of all of our identities.

you know, you are south african, you are biracial, you are comedian, you are a successful author, and you and i may have profound disagreements all along one of those lines. >> trevor: yes. >> but we may agree on six of them. and i feel like what's happened in our society now is, you know, you will talk to someone who loves trump, and you will assume that's the most important dimension in their life and that the difference between you and that person politically is irrevocable. there's no way you can bridge that gap. but then if you talk to them for a little longer, you will discover, you know, they are a massive basketball fan and so are you. i think a lot of times those other identities are a lot more important than the ones we spend all our times obsessing over, and i think it's time for us to start looking for ways to find common ground with people and getting beyond the most kind of obviousous and salient of their

identities. >> trevor: iced talk to you for hours but luckily i've got the podcast and the books for that. thank you for taking the time. congratulations on another wonderful podcast season and i hope we will be seeing many more. >> thank you, trevor. >> trevor: thank you so much again malcolm. when we come back i'll talk to one of the stars of "new girl" about his brand-new show. lamorne morris is on the show. don't go away.

"the daily social distancing show. so earlier today, i spoke with the actor and comedian lamorne morris. we talked about his brand-new role as a black cartoonist in the hulu comedy series "woke." >> you okay? >> does this photo look right? >> mm-hmm. >> did you guys lighten my photo? i look like sammy sewsa. >> that's just a mockup for publicity. >> am i too black for hi own comic strip. >> nobody's ever going to accuse you of being too black. >> what did you say? >> trevor: welcome to the show my dude, how you doing? >> oh, my god i'm just chilling,

just relaxing, living life, enjoying the moment, kind of. >> trevor: i don't know if cool with is the right word but nobody has looked like this in an interview i've done with them in my life. i won't lie to you. >> feel free to say cool. >> trevor: i feel like this is lamorne. you see, look at this. >> let this be the takeaway. if you learn nothing from today other than damn you look fresh all the while solving racism just, you know, keep that in mind. >> trevor: is that silk? >> this is silk, yeah, yeah, 10d count. sewed it myself. this is my own collection. >> trevor: i like that. i like that. >> thank you. >> trevor: it has a nice feeling. it's got, like, half pajama, half-life swag to it, that's what it has. >> i'll be honest with you, trevor, i sit around all day, i lay on the couch, i have my titties out and i just enjoy

myself. that's the way i've chosen to live my life especially during the pandemic. got the tits out. why not? >> trevor: what they don't realize is lamorne is secretly working on a television series called "woke" and by the looks of it, it looks like a show that comments specifically on what's happening now in america. as i understand, this was created before the george floyd movement, before the "black lives matter" protests built up again. talk me through why you made the show and why you decided to go with the title "woke." on the one side "woke" is corporate and on the other side one to have most contention phrases you can use. >> "new girl" was one of the shows that was pure fun. we tackled some subjects, sexism at the workplace, hinted on racism, i wrote an episode about that, but when we were done, i kind of wanted to be a part of something that meant something. it was based on the life of

keith knight a real cartoonist who walked a similar walk that i did politically, where i didn't really know where i fit. like i said, i just kind of wanted to lay around with my titties out and enjoy life, but you see someone going through injustice and you see all these things and for some reason you wake up to become activated or "woke" as you call it, engaged. you know what i mean. so that's kind of why i wanted to jump on this show because it meant something to me that folks will look at it and watch it, maybe they'll learn something, or if anything maybe just laugh, but at the end of the day i can feel good about contributing something to the conversation. >> trevor: i always talk to my friends about how one of the major signifiers or one of the major experiences of being a black person is even if you do not choose to engage in the conversations around how black people are treated at some point you will be treated like a black

person. >> absolutely. >> trevor: then at some point the very black nature of your skin means you are involved in something that you didn't choose to be -- involved in, and your character said that. he was having fun, then police tackled him in the street because they thought he looked like a mugger they were looking for and his life changed overnight. what were you doing in telling the stories? >> there are multiple sides to the coin. black is on a spectrum. it can be anything. i listen to defense type of music, i dress a certain way and constantly hit with these micro-aggressions of you don't sound black and i've heard that from black and white people. i've had white people tell me they're blacker than i am. i feel sometimes we're hit with a stereotype of where we are which can then lead to stereotypes, racism, all kinds of negative things toward our skin tone and when people watch the show, it's not just for the

people who don't know. it's also for the black kid who feels like maybe he doesn't necessarily at thi fit in or hes a certain way or he can identify himself with something. hopefully, they can get some sort of motivation or activation to address the elephant in the room and, when you do that, it causes other people to get in on the conversation, and you can't change something unless you are faced with it, right? >> trevor: right. >> i believe that's the quote. so until we're faced with it, you know, then things will probably remain the same. hopefully, this show will help towards that conversation. >> trevor: i hope people will start by watching your show because i honestly think entertainment is one of the most powerful tools that gets people into it. so i feel like if there's more shows that are funny, entertaining, interesting and at the same time tackle ideas of racism and race and all the concepts we deal with, i think you can have a lot more people who are a lot more educated than they could be just from watching tv. so congratulations on the show.

>> thank you. >> trevor: congratulations on the sick outfit. >> it's just to get the tits out. >> trevor: i can say we've never seen anything like this on the show and television will never be the same. >> did you say you wanted me to come closer to the screen? what did you say, trevor? look at those things. look at those things! ( laughter ) i appreciate it, bro. >> trevor: "the daily social distancing show will be right back after this. before we go, there's less than two months until the election, and america is facing a nationwide poll worker shortage. and it's because most poll workers are over 60 and, with covid still in the air, they are understandably not showing up. but fewer poll workers means fewer polling stations open, and it means longer lines that not everybody can afford to stay and wait in. especially in poorer communities. but the good news is, most poll working is paid, and in some states you can be as young as 16

to do it. so if you're interested and have the time, this is your chance to save granny, protect democracy and get paid, too! sign up at the link below to learn more. until tomorrow -- stay safe out there, wear a mask, and if you have to cancel yourself, do it on a friday, so you get the whole weekend. and, now, here it is -- your moment of zen. ♪ ♪ >> at the university of arizona, researchers there are hopeful about a new type of covid 19 testing. the facilities department testing sewage coming from campus buildings. the samples go to a lab for testing. >> poop doesn't lie. poop is your friend and poop can tell you the truth about you and your community. >> it knows a lot of stuff, doesn't it?

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