i thought it was weird when you picked us to make a documentary. but all in all, i think an ordinary paper company like dunder mifflin was a great subject for a documentary. there's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. isn't that kind of the point? [music playing] [music - bruce springsteen, "rosalita"] rosalita, jump a little higher. se orita, come sit by my fire. i just want to be your lover, ain't no liar. rosalita, you're my stone desire.

everybody! welcome to the daily social distancing show. i'm trevor noah. today is thursday, the 17th of september, and here's your quarantine tip of the day -- if you're planning on finally seeing your older relatives for the first time in months, remember not to eat any of the hard candies they give you. and this is not a covid thing, those things are just gross. anyway, on tonight's show, donald trump divorces half the country. bill barr says slavery is back, and the coronavirus is getting its own award show. so let's do this, people. welcome to "the daily social distancing show. >> from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is "the daily social distancing show with trevor noah. ♪ ♪ >> trevor: let's kick things off in barbados, the place with a rich beautiful history you probably won't see because it's outside the sandals resort. although the caribbean island

obtained about in 1956, the queen of england is still officially head of state but that's abto change. >> queen elizabeth is to be removed as head of state in barbados. the island's governor general says the time has come to leave the colonial past behind. it will be the first time in three decades the monarch has been removed. the queen is head of state in more than a dozen countries formally under british rule including australia, canada and jamaica. >> trevor: oh, no! first meghan markle and now barbados? the queen is losing all her black friends! and the question is why now? did barbados just get sick of the british, or were her majesty's vacation corn rows the last straw? i thought she looked fly. you know who i feel really bad for? prince charles. think about it, when he was born, he was set to inherit a bh a fancier accent.

at this rate the only caribbean island british royals will be welcome at is jeffrey epsteins. barbados basically ghosted the queen -- hello? hello, barbados, hello? shhh! don't answer the phone, rihanna is our queen now. to another country where people are desperate to rid themselves of a despotic monarch, the united states. one of the big clashes between protestors and police is on junr gas, spray and batons to clear the white house so president trump could hold a bible in front of a church. i want to show my people it doesn't burn my hand like in the movies, we can hold it. but as overheated as that response was, we are finding out ut it could have been hotter. >> the military whistle blowers

said federal officials sought to make a heat ray make people's skin feel like it was burning to deal with protestors. an police officer sought heat ray. the officer stated in an email the device provides a sensation of intense heat on surface of the skin. demarco said the d.c. national guard did not have the device. >> trevor: i can't believe this is real life. federal police wanted to use a heat ray against peaceful protesters outside the white house. at this point, guys, can we admit trump is essentially a real-life von villain? he's already got the golden layer, eastern european girl in camo and a creepy pet. by the way, what a crazy way to learn that america's military has a heat ray. this is the same country that can't find money for veterans or healthcare or teachers but somehow it has a giant microwave

gun just lying around. you know, just in case we want to hot pocket the immediately, . i will say now that america has the weapon i'm going to wear the lady gaga dress to every protest, to be protected from the heat and don't have to stress about dinner. justice, peace, and more well done on this side! moving on to the coronavirus pandemic, the outbreak harder to get rid of than the college buddy crashing on your couch. this is not a hotel, dave! you've got to leave! yeah, okay, pizza sounds good. i'll be done in 30 minutes. a new report found when new york city ordered one of the strictest shutdowns in the city it reduced the spread of coronavirus by 70%. 70%. normally when something is beaten that badly in new york it's the knicks. but even though stay-at-home orders saved countless lives and even though most places didn't try anything nearly as tough as new york, donald trump's

attorney general still thinks they went way too far. >> in new remarks, attorney general wilbur courting controversy by saying this about the coronavirus lockdown. >> putting a national lockdown, stay-at-home orders is like house arrest. it's -- you know, other than slavery, which was a different kind of restraint, this is the greatest intrusion on civil liberties in american history. >> trevor: slow your role there droopy dog. corona quarantines are not even close to the worst intrusion into civil liberties. just off the top of my head how about japanese interment camps during world war ii? that was like taking a face mask, making it huge, sticking an entire race of people in it an saying they can't take it off. just 50 years ago, black people were kicked out of restaurants and coulden vote unless they answered a riddle from a sphinx.

i could go on but it's only a 45 minute show. barr shouldn't mention slavery in the same breath as corona shutdowns. why sit every time republicans don't like something they compare it to slavery? obamacare is like slavery! paying tax is like slavery, is barr at home, goddam it! i wish harriet tubman would free me from this zoom call! sorry, i thought it was on mutilate, guys. because i know not going to the movie sucks but trump supporters with respect actually out here singing slave spirituals. it would have been funny to see, though. ♪ swing low ♪ sweet caroline ♪ ha ha ha ♪ why were we angry, i forgot ♪ because this song makes me happy ♪ while bill barr is trying to make it sound like the lockdowns are the worst thing to happen in

america, his boss donald trump is trying to convince everyone things haven't been that bad especially when you don't count half the country. >> breaking news, president trump suggesting the united states would be doing much better with coronavirus if we just took out the death numbers from blue states. >> if you look at what we've done in all of the -- and all of the lives we've saved, i'm going to ask a graph be put up and now it's up, and that's despite the fact that the blue states had tremendous death rates. if you take the blue states out, we're at a levelt that i don't think anybody in the world would be at. >> trevor: okay, no, guys. hold on, hold on. did this dude just try to pull, if you eat around the mold everything's fine move? be corona deaths, why don't we just not count the red states, too? then the u.s. has zero deaths, which is pretty impressive if you ask me. it's pretty astounding that a leader would even think of his country in that way. you can't just write off entire

states. this isn't the electoral college. the popular vote counts. by the way, these comment aren't just embarrassing and unpatriotic and just gross, they're also wrong because, even if you made the very weird decision to not count deaths from all the blue states, america would still have one of the worst death rates of any country in the world. so even trump's lies are lies. it's like the inception of lies. somehow, trump can't even flatten the curve he's grading himself on. for more on trump's divisive statements, i want to bring in a guy who's offended people in red and blue states, michael kosta. michael, what do you make of this whole thing? isn't trump dismissing the deaths in the parts to have the country that didn't vote for him shocking? >> well, at first i thought so, trevor, but sometimes something seems shocking at first, but then later turns out to be a good idea. like naked hang gliding.

>> trevor: michael, please, i told you i'm not doing that with you. >> but i already booked the plane. besides, i don't want to go with ronny again. he's so much better at being naked than me. >> trevor: how is he better at being -- hook, we're getting off-track. kosta, i want to know what part of trump's statement sounded like a good idea to you. >> here's the thing -- at this point, we all know trump only cares about the red states. so let's grant him his wish and just make himt president of the red states. red states get trump, blue states get biden and we'll split the country straight down the middle and everybody's happier. >> trevor: kosta, what you are proposing is what happened during the civil war. >> i'm not talking about a civil war, i'm talking about a civil divorce, only this time the armies will be lawyers. the rivers will run red but with ink. and the slaves, well, they will be -- >> trevor: careful, careful -- >> okay, right. i've never been good with

analogies. to me, analogies are like slaves, they are -- >> trevor: careful. >> okay, look. good point, i'll stop. my point is this -- what if the civil war was the first breakup in a bad relationship? we stuck with it because we thought we could figure it out but then as we get older we know that we're not good for each other. besides, now, our current leader has a lot of experience with divorce so he could help guide us through it. >> trevor: but, michael, there niece way to neatly divide america into two countries. you can't just do it along political lines. look at new york state, the city might be democratic but some of the upstate is as red add alabama. >> fine. new york city breaks up with upstate new york. more flags, more olympic teams, who has a problem with that? >> trevor: but staten island is more red than the rest of the city. how many times can you keep dividing? pretty soon, every person is just going to be in their own

country. >> great, and every country will be united. i can't even disagree with myself that i love lower taxes. although i also really like social services. huh. there's only one way to solve this disagreement. >> trevor: kosta, please do not cut yourself in half. >> don't interfere with my sovereign business. unless you want to arrange a summit. we could meet, perhaps, tomorrow around noon. >> trevor: you know what? cut yourself in half. i think we can survive it. you just go ahead and do that. michael kosta, everyone. we'll be right back. do it, kosta. do it, kosta. you can't threaten me.

ms. williams: we've been working hard... ms. robinson: ...to make learning fun again. ms. duncan: and making sure our students can succeed. ms. zamora: we're with you every step of the way. ms. robinson: i know it's a challenging time. ms. zamora: no one wants to be back in the classroom more than teachers. ms. williams: we have missed you so much. mr. hardesty: but we all have to be safe. ms. robinson: because we're all in this together. narrator: making our school buildings safer. ms. robinson: working together, we can make it a great year.

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(hundred bands in my pocket, it's on me (on me) yeah, your grandmama probably know me (know me) it's a moment when i show up, got 'em sayin', "wow" new doritos flamin' hot limon. pour-by-pour commentator. and this is unprecedented. watch him stand tall in the pocket. he's looking for a cheers over the middle. and he makes the connection! touchbeer! truly stunning athleticism, folks. dos equis. a most interesting beer. "the daily social distancing show. this is an exciting week, for me especially because sunday night is the 72nd annual emmy

awards. it's the oscars for people who are slightly less attractive. and i have a good feeling this year, guys, not just "the daily show" is nominated, but because i was also the actor that played baby yoda. i know you can't tell, the makeup team did a terrific job. thank you to everyone. thank you so much, guys. it's not just the emmys. this weekend is the first and hopefully last pandemmy awwards which honor the most notable performances during the coronavirus pandemic. i know you probably haven't heard to have the pandemmies because we made them up but everyone is talking about it. the best part is you will vote for the winners. honestly, i don't envy you because there are a dozen categories this year with some really tough choices. for instance, who do you think should win for one of my favorite matchups? most optimistic performance. >> the nominees for the most optimistic performance are larry

kudlow for we have contained this. >> we have contained this virus. we have contained this, i won't say airtight, but pretty close to airtight. >> elon musk for april. >> elon musk tweeted, based on current trends, probably close to zero new cases in the united states too by the end of april. >> mike pence, for memorial day. >> by memorial day weekend, we will largely have this coronavirus pandemic behind us. >> jared kushner for really rocking again. >> you will see by june a lot of the country will be back to normal and by july the country is really rocking again. >> donald trump for, like a miracle, it will disappear. >> it's going to disappear. one day, it's like a miracle, it will disappear. >> trevor: oooh, how do you even decide? i mean, you have to love donald trump, unless you're melania. but don't underestimate rockin' jared kushner. we're rocking!

we're rocking! oh, man, he was so optimistic. he didn't just predict the end to have the pandemic. he was making plans to go to the club afterwards. he probably gets to the club right at 7:30 p.m. when it opens. the most important thing is prime space on the dunes floor. you know which category i'm super psyched for? best stunt coordination. i mean, it is so inspiring to see what truly talented pandemmy nominees can accomplish without even saying a word. >> the nominees for outstanding stunt coordination are congressman jerry nadler. donald trump. mike pence. joe and jill biden.

>> trevor: oh, boy, joe biden got tangled up in the mask! jerry madler, imagine what he could do when taking often the kenta cloth. cirque du soleil would be proud. it's not just about the famous people. normal folks get nominated, too. maybe "normalson" the right word. you will see what i mean. >> the nominees for best karen are democratic pigs, all of you. >> democratic pigs! all of you! i have a breathing problem! my doctor would not let me wear a mask! anyone harassing me wearing a mask, you guys are violating federal law, you got that? >> i have a right to my pizza.

>> you don't need a mask. i have a right to my pizza. i have a right to get my order -- >> i don't give a (~bleep ). >> i ( cursing ) >> i don't give a (~bleep ). >> i am legend. >> oh, lord! i allegenned! aaahhh! aaahhh! ( clapping slowly ) >> trevor: what -- a -- performance. that woman was tonguing the door like they went to prom together. such passion. and this is an exciting category, because, remember, no matter who wins, the loser will call 911 and ask to speak to the manager. i'm telling you, my friends, the 2022020 pandemmies are going toe

sick, like fever, dry cough, loss of smell sick. so go to pandemmyawards.com, watch the videos and vote for your favorite. there was a special honorary pandemmy this year. only one person who could deserve that, president donald trump. >> the pandemmies extends a special horn to donald trump for outstanding achievement in self-editing. >> if we didn't do it, you would have had a million people, a million and a half people, maybe two million people dead. now, we're going toward 50, i'm hearing, or 60,000 people. 60, maybe 65,000. 65,000 people. 70,000. it's far too many. one person is too many. >> 75. 80. 80 or # 0,000 people. they have minimum numbers of 100,000. so we have between 100 and 200,000. 100,000 to 240,000 deaths and we are below that substantially and

we'll see what comes out. >> trevor: wow, guys -- something tells me he's going to win that award next year, too. remember to vote at pandemmy awards.com. ewan mcgregor is still coming up. we'll be right back.

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i cannot believe what i'm seeing! dos equis. a most interesting beer. i cannot believe when he was diagnosed my son bewith leukemia.years old he would get sick. aubrey would take him to the bathroom and she would rub his back. our family is fighting this every single day. if donald trump gets rid of our health care law, my son won't be protected. we would have to be making some tough decisions about what medications we can afford. we need a president who will protect our health care and that's joe biden. i'm joe biden and i approve this message.

show. so earlier today, i spoke with sherrilyn ifill of the naacp legal defense fund. we talked about what they're doing to help ensure a safe and fair election and so much more. check it out. sherrilyn ifill, welcome to "the daily social distancing show. >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: let's start with the name of your organization just so people don't get confused. there is the naacp and the naacp

legal defense fund, both very similar sounding names, obviously, but two distinct and different organizations. what is the naacp legal defense fund? >> the naacp legal defense fund was formed in 1940 by thurgood marshall, the trail blazing lawyer, united states supreme court. we were part of the naacp. we were completely separated by 1957. we were the legal defense fund, we're sometimes called, which is the legal arm of the civil rights movement, represented john lewis, selma, freedom writers, rosa parks, mohamed ali when he wanted to get his license back. we have been the legal arm of the civil rights struggle. the naacp is a large membership mobilizing grassroots organization. we don't have members. we're largely a legal organization. >> trevor: feels like 2020 has thrust this organization back

into the limelight in a way that i guess no one would have wanted really or expected. what have you seen this year that has been different to maybe the past decade even? >> well, you know, it's interesting, the best of civil rights progress in this con has always happened when there are an alkemy of several things connect together. so grassroots mobilization and protest. when legal organizations are firing on all cylinders and i think really for the last three years people have recognized the importance of civil rights lawyers again, and when there is kind of a political moment, when all those things are happening at the same time, that was what was happening during the civil rights movement, and it is essentially the res fee for change and transformation. so a lot is similar. the part that's different, and this is important, is certainly throughout the 20th century and most importantly in the civil rights movement when black people faced a challenge to our rights as full citizens it largely came from state actors,

the state of alabama, the state of mississippi, local sheriffs, governors, so forth. and the place that people went to for recourse was the federal government, right? what is different is this is the first moment, certainly in my lifetime, that i can recall when not only is the federal government not a recourse, not only is attorney general barr not trying to advance civil rights, they're actually standing against it. they actually have a program to roll back civil rights, and they also are some of the biggest instigators of a kind of anti-civil rights and, frankly, white supremacist ideology that has kind of recaptured so much of this country soft that is different than in the past and in many degrees more dangerous, in my view. but i also think we're not quite there yet. so far, the law has been holding. now, it's not great. we've lost, you know, a good number of cases. frankly, some of them we were losing before trump was elected. we should recognize that the

case that kind of really reopened voter suppression in the country was decided by the court in 2013. so this is not all created by trump. there was this move towards more conservatism, but we will really see whether the center holds in the coming here, and that's why this moment is so powerful and important. we're in courts every day. we still win cases, but we also lose cases and we also increasingly see courts acting in a way that does not adhere to the rule of law. >> trevor: there are many who may say, i'm confused, why would you need civil rights lawyers? wasn't civil rights settled in 1965? you know, black people are free now. gay people have equal marriage. you know, why does anybody need to be a civil rights lawyer at this point? if you were to distill it down and give us a few examples, what are some of the concrete things your organization is fighting for on the ground? >> we represent those most marginalized, those at the bottom. we're at the early warning

system for our democracy and, frankly, if many people list topped our call, we might not be in the circumstance we're in. when you are facing voter purges and the state doesn't permit you to absentee vote or requires you to get two signatures of two witnesses during a pandemic in order to cast your absentee ballot, when you discover that you have been convicted of a crime and the prosecutor removed all black people from the jury, when you're sentenced to death and an expert witness says you should be sentenced to death because you're more heil to be dangers in the future simply because you're black, when you don't have access to education and can't access the internet during a period we've gone to virtual school, when you're caught in prison in the midst of covid in inhumane conditions, these are on our target. but the takeaway is it's never over because you have to keep pressing on a democracy, pushing to move it forward and defending

what you won in the past. this is a moment where americans have to realize that democracy is work, it's not just a privilege that you sit back and smoke a cigarette and say i live in a democracy. you have to work all the time and that's the price of living in a democracy is active citizenship. >> trevor: if somebody's watching this right now and want to chip in, they want to help, they want to get information on what their rights are, they want to get information on voting, where can they go? how do they get the information and keep in touch with the legal defense fund? >> first of all, voting, naacp web site, www.naacpldf.org. you can follow me and us on twitter. this is about good information. disinformation is part of the tactic that we're seeing the other side use. for us, it's important as a nonpartisan organization to

provide good solid information for people who believe in democracy and want to be good citizens and most of all for the black community that needs to be in a position to mobilize and exercise political power. >> trevor: thank you for the work that you're doing. i know a lot of people who watch this show appreciate you as well. thank you so much for joining us on "the daily social distancing show. >> thank you, trevor. >> trevor: after the break, i'll be joined by obi-wan himself, ewan mcgregor. stick around. ♪ you can go your own way ♪ go your own way your wireless. your rules. only xfinity mobile lets you choose shared data, unlimited or a mix of each. and switch anytime so you only pay for the data you need. switch and save up to $400 a year on your wireless bill. with the carrier rated #1 in customer satisfaction. call, click, or visit your local xfinity store today.

show. so earlier today, i spoke with international movie star ewan mcgregor. we talked about his new series on apple tv plus called "long way up," where he travels across south and central america on a motorbike. >> i once was in a taxicab in new york, and a helsink helps hl said take me to the club. the taxi guy was, like, okay. put your rear window down and

i'll hold on through there. slowly. >> hold the other way maybe. >> no, i got it. >> got it. >> yeah. slowly, slowly. good. good, good, good, it's working, it's working. >> trevor: ewan mcgregor, welcome to "the daily social distancing show. >> nice to see you, thanks for having me. >> trevor: you have been in some of our favorite movies. i mean, just like some of the most iconic movies. but over the past few years, you've also taken time out of your life to live every instagramer's dream and that is to get on the motorbike and ride around random country. when did you decide i'm going to take my vacations with a friend and turn them into the a eshow? >> it was out of laziness to be honest. my friend charlie and i have known each other since we made this film together 25 years ago, 24 years ago, and we both had just had our first children, so we were both new dads and had a love of moto motorcycles.

we became fast friends. we read a book by ted simon in london in the 1970s, and he decided to do a around the world trip column. he wasn't a biker but he decided the best way would be on the back of a bike. he got triumph to supply him a bike and it took him three or four years and he wrote a beautiful book which i read and started daydreaming by traveling. so we decided to do the first trip in 2004, london to new york. and the visa applications are so complicated, getting in and out of russia two or three times, ukraine, kazakhstan, mongolia, and we were just too raisey to do it ourselves. we thought if we shoot this we can have a production office with people that will do that stuff for us and that's how. >> trevor: you rode 13,000 miles through, i think it

was, 13 countries. feels like the coronavirus shot that all down. were you ready to take a break, or could you have kept on riding if the whole world didn't have to come to a stop? >> i could have kept going. towards the end, i realized this could be it for me. if i didn't have my children and marriage to come back to, i could keep going. i like the -- i love the sort of nomad-ism. you wake up, get on the bike and go in the vague direction you're headed in. at night you find somewhere to sleep or put a tent up and you have it all over to do again the next day. there's something quite lovely about not knowing what's tarched next cornern, who you will meet, what's going wrong and who will help you because it's just

always the case. >> trevor: you were riding electric motorbikes for the first time and it came with a different set of challenges. like i didn't think about bikes not charging because they're too cold sometimes. i didn't think about randomly running out of power because there are no charging stations. two questions, why did you choose the bikes, like why did you choose to go electric, and, secondly, what did you notice about riding electric through so many different countries? >> in our long around trip in 2004 and long way down trip in 2007, we had absolute freedom to stop. if it was 4:00 in the afternoon, we could ride along the road, put our tents up and carry on. we didn't have huge freedom this time because we had to have the bike plugged in somewhere. so that was a slight impact in that we had to be in a hostile or hotel where we could plug it in. but the upshot is it led us to meet people we wouldn't normally have met. we were stuck between a town

we'd stopped in, in the afternoon, in chile, i think, and then the time we were heading to -- town we were heading to, there was nothing in between. so we had to get to this town. this town was on the other side of this big mountain. so we start going uphill and when you're going uphill, you use more power. and then there was a head wind, and then you're less aerodynamit aerodynamic on a bike anymore but you're using more power. at one point i said, i'm not going to make it. we were next to a little settlement, couldn't call it a farm, it was a farmesque type place. we road up there and knocked on this gate and these little kids run out and they opened the gate. we road in. and we said, look, in our broken spanish, we're trying to ride these electric bikes to los angeles, can we plug them in? this is how much it costs to fill the bike up and we'll give you the money. she was quite happy to let us do

it. we plugged in, and within two minutes the whole place was plunged into darkness, her fuses were gone. she was in the fuse box trying to help us to charge. >> trevor: wow! >> in the end, we couldn't do it. we had to thank her and backtrack and go back to the town. but that happens all the time. that's one of the beautiful things about doing this trip is that human kindness that you experience daily is so uplifting and overwhelming. it's lovely. >> trevor: you were stuck. like, in ukraine, you were stuck at the border for 12 hours. the foreign ministry had to help you out. when you were in mongolia, there were sheep herders that had to help you fix one to have the bikes. when you were in kazakhstan you had someone pull a handgun on you. at that point, when someone's pulling a handgun on you, do you not think maybe we shouldn't be riding through all these random country? >> no, two words in my mind when

that guy pulled the hand gun, and it was so funny looking back because it was oh-no. it wasn't any more complicated than that. i just thought, oh, no! and that was it. ( laughter ) so funny. i mean, it was so funny how we both tell that story, charlie and i because we're in this long step in kazakhstan and there's camels for the first time, and we've ridden from london on our motorbikes to somewhere where there are camels. so we thought we should mark this moment. we got the bikes off the side of the road and this car arrives from miles away, we can see it coming, andeth full of guys, kazakhstan guys, got lots of gold teeth, i remember, and they start smiling at us out of the window and they looked at the video camera on the floor and looked at us and the guy in the back pulls out a handgun. in my story, he points it directly at me, and in charlie's

story he points it directly at charlie. ( laughter ) to me, he was definitely pointing at me, i think. and those were the thoughts, oh, no. and luckily a truck was coming from the other direction, and looked over, saw the truck, looked back at the guys, the guys saw the truck, put the gun away and drove off so we were fine. >> trevor: i'll tell you this, it's an amazing show because you take us to so many different countries, we get to see how many so many different people live, from meeting child soldiers in one part of the world to speaking to old ladies in another. it's a beautiful show. my favorite part is it made me feel like i was leaving the house and traveling the world. so thank you for another amazing series. good luck to you when you get back out there on a bike. >> thank you so much. thank you. >> trevor: great chatting to you. >> take care. nice to talk to you. >> trevor: thanks, ewan. taking a quick break. "the daily social distancing show

>> trevor: that's our show for tonight, but before we go, the west coast is currently battling some horrific wildfires that are destroying millions of acres of land and displacing thousands of people. climate change has been a key factor in increasing the risk and extent of these conditions, and one organization that has been working to find practical solutions for climate change and other environmental threats is the environmental defense fund. if you can help them and would like to join in their cause, please visit the link below and donate what you can. until tomorrow -- stay safe out there, wear a mask. and remember, if you don't count your failures, then everything in life has been a complete success! now, here it is -- your moment of zen. ♪ ♪ >> yes, you know that i have been looking at you for a while. i have to dance with you today. i saw that your look was calling me. show me the way that i'm going, oh! you, you are the magnet and i'm the metal. i'm getting closer and i'm setting up the plan. just the thought of it accelerates the pulse. now i'm enjoying it more than usual. all my senses are asking for

more. this must be taken without any trouble. i want to breathe your neck slowly. ( breathing ) >> oooh. >> oooh. >> oooh. ♪ ♪ all right, jim, your quarterlies look very good. how are things going at the library? oh, i told you. i couldn't close it, so...

so you've come to the master for guidance? [chinese accent] is this what you're saying, grasshopper? uh, actually, you called me in here. but, yeah. all right, well, let me show you how it's done. yes, i'd like to speak to your office manager, please. yes, hello. this is michael scott. i am the regional manager of dunder mifflin paper products. just wanted to talk to you manager a manager. all right, done deal! [irish accent] thank you very much, sir! you're gentleman and a scholar. oh, i'm sorry. okay. i'm sorry. my mistake. [clears throat] that was a woman i was talking to. so. she had a very low voice. probably a smoker. so... [clears throat] so that's the way it's done. i've, uh, i've been at dunder mifflin