- i gots you now, pioneer paul! - they should have never let you out of jail, murderin' murphy! [both grunting] - blargh! - freeze, scumbag! it's all over! [guns cocking] - [gagging] - murderin' murphy's gonna kill pioneer paul! - stop right now! it's over! - [gagging] [chimes ringing] - howdy, partners. it's 5:00. pioneer village is now closed for the day. head back to your wagons, and have a safe trip home. - we made it! - we made it! [all cheering] - we did it! oh, god, i can't wait - to get out of this dress. - whoo-hoo! - yeah, that was great! - what a day! - uh, listen, if anyone still wants to know, the phone is in the administration building. you dial 9 to get out. and there's actually a back exit behind the horse troughs. good night, everybody. thanks for comin'. we did it, guys! - let's go to t.g.i. fridays and get some jalapeño poppers! - yeah, that'd be great! - all right!

- oh, yeah, jalapeño poppers! - let's go! [police radio chatter] - stan, you were really brave in there, but you did kind of sound like a big dork. - i know. - come on, you! - you're hurting my arm! - too bad! you'll be going away for a long time. was it worth it? - in a way, it was. i might not have gotten away, but at least i learned a lot about pioneer life in the old west. those early settlers didn't have the modern conveniences we all take for granted today. to think how difficult it was back in those times to do something as simple as washing your clothes. pioneer village has a lot to teach us all. - that's true. - hey, look. - [groaning] teacher, my partner is back on the bus.

captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com on, everybody, welcome to the daily social distancing show, i'm trevor noah. today is wednesday, the 23rd of september. and here's your quarantine tip of the day. if you are having trouble finding a babysitter who is willing to come to your house in the middle of a pandemic, don't stress, just put a scarecrow on top of a roomba, yeah, that way you have someone to watch your kids and you will finally get rid of those damn crows in your house. they haven't paid rent in three months. anyway on tonight's show, dead storms are coming back to life, donald trump has a plan to win the election even if he doesn't and dulsee sloan tells us why police brutality is coming out of your paycheck. so let's do this, people, welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world. this is the daily social distancing show with trevor

noah. >> trevor: let's kick things off with the weather report. spoiler alert, you might want to lock yourself inside again. >> as if 2020 wasn't enough we now have zombie tropical storms. this is video from when hurricane paulette hit bermuda earlier this month. it was downgraded to a post tropical low pressure system but paulette has regained strength and became a tropical storm again on monday. it is now about 300 miles off the coast of the a gloars island-- azores ises island. >> trevor: zombie storms, man, the weather has treully figured out how to mess with us now. storms used to hit us and then be gone. but now its it's like all right, i'm done, i'm done. whoa, i'm back, got you bitch. feels like mother nature realizes america isn't take coronavirus seriously so keeps coming up with new ideas to keep people in their homes,

wildfires, storms that don't die. pretty soon when we open the front door there will just be a tree that kicks us back in the house. get your ass back in there. >> at the same time though, we acknowledge that a zombie storm is just a storm that lost pressure and then regained it. it is only exciting because the weather people try to jump on the 2020 sucks band wagon and give it a scary name. but i mean you can make anything sound scary that way. it's not morning dew, it's zombiecon den saying. >> moving on to new york city. the concrete jungle where dreams are made of. weird. why am i getting a call from alicia key's lawyer. the pride of new york city has always been the mass transportation, one the world's oldest, largest and greatest subway and bus systems am but it turns out there is always room for improvement. >> today the mta will vote on a new rule that really should have been an old one, it will ban defecating on the city subways and buses and inside transit

facilities. right now rules mandate 100 dollar fine for createk a nuisance or unsanitary conditions on public transit but the mta feels it needs to be more specific. about what is and is not a toilet. >> trevor: wait, pooping on the subway is only getting banned now? that is insane. here i was getting all angry when people used to do that, turns out they were just obeying the rules. and look, i don't want to make broad generalizations leer but i'm willing to bet that if you are taking a shit on the subway, you don't have $100. do they really think that giving out fines is how they will solve this problem? because i mean i'm not a genius but i'm pretty sure nobody who has a toilet at home and who isn't mentally ill is taking a dump in the subway it is not like wall street bankers on on their bluetooth like i'm telling you barry, hold on, have i to jump on the six train and pinch off a load. all i'm saying is i don't think the main reason people were

pooping on the subway was because it's free. if anything fining people for pooping on the subway could back fire because people are going to shart shiting on the subway to show how rich they are. yeah, that's right, baby, i got that subway poop money. bam. let's change the subject to the continuing impact of the black lives matter movement. already we have seen police departments force to accept reforms, statues of confederate leaders top emed and problem mattic syrup poured out. and now another outdated brand is getting a makeover. >> new this morning uncle ben rice products are getting a new name, ben's original, the logo depicting a chicago head wait certificate also being dropped. the new branding will have the same blue font and words packaging and hit shelfs in 2021. the changes come amid a broader movement about racial equality. in june the companies that make bunk el bens, aunt jemima, cream of wheat and mrs. butterworth said they would retire or rebrand their products. >> trevor: ben original, who

the hell is ben, i don't rice from some stranger i don't know. i trusted the other guy because he was my uncle. i get that they wanted to change the fame because some people didn't like the connotation but surely they could have replaced uncle with another family title, you know, make us comfortable. could have been nephew ben, or cousin ben or your mom's special friend ben who she wrestles with while you play with your toys in the other room. i know are you making sex with my mom but this rice is dope. now personally i think st good wrappeds are reexamining-- examining their mascot and while we are at it can we renamer cheetah because that is an african animal, as an african i have never known a cheetah named chester in my life so cheetos, time to change it to bathandwa, cheetah. while sph great that some products are changing packaging to be less offense of. less' not pretend this is a worse matter of manifest taition

in america. what is holding people back is stuff like this. >> the c.e.o. of wells fargo under fire for comments he made about the bank's lack of diversity. reutess are report that charless schafter blamed it on a limited amount of black can bats-- candidates during a zoom call and repeated it in june. he promised to double the number of african-american employees in key positions by 2025. already adding two people, he is isn't the only one facing criticismment-- criticism. the post is reporting that five recent executives hired by jm morgan chase c.e.o. jamie dimon were all white. >> trevor: okay. this is an interesting dilemma. wells fargo say that they want to hire more black talent but also say there is just not enough black talent in finance to hire from. which is weird because every day thousands of black graduates are trying to get into finance. maybe they should pick up one of

those ads, you're not hiring black people t is because you don't give a shit, don't be like it is because you can't find them. how hard are you trying, hey do you see any black people to hire, yeah, yeert do i, all right, we will go with chad. one of the things that gets me about this story is this, wells fargo can't find black people to hire, according to them, right, but whenever wells fargo is searching for black people to exploit, oh, then they never seem to come up short. they are intn bsh for charging black and brown people higher interest rates in sacramento, philadelphia, miami, baltimore, they found black people then, whoever found those black people, just have them look for black people to mier because clearly they know where the black people are at. and wells fargo might be in the news but they aren't the only ones making this, cues. you hear it all the time, companies want to hire black talent, they just can't find it but the truth is st all about your hiring practices. tons of companies rely on their employees to recommend new people for them to hire which is natural, right.

but the problem is if your company is already predominantly white there is a good chance the people your employees recommend are also going to be other white people. you know, the only people they know are going to be white. i mean look at the office. right? the show, the office, think about it. if michael scott asked his employees for referrals on a new hire, how many of these people are going to have a black friend to recommend? do you think toabee does, angela, dwight? do you think dwight has a black friend? dwight doesn't even have human friends, these people don't have any black frensd. the only black friend is stanley and he already works there. look. here is the truth of the matter. if companies want to hire black people, they will find a way to make it happen. they can start apprenticeship programs, they can start getting people trained into the positions that they want to hire them for. they can give a shot the same way they gave many white guys a shotment these are the same arguments that company had with women back during the day, but

women are just not qualified. where do you find a woman, they are all in the kitchen. if you want to make it happen, you can make it happen. and don't tell me it is because black people aren't in finance, black people love finance. i'm not just talking about graduates. i'm talking about brack people in general. you ever watch a rap video, those people counting more money than you ever seen in your life. so what do you think makes you qualified to work in this bank. >> i got my mind on my mub and my money on my mind. you're hired. all right, we will take a quick break but when we come back we will talk about why november 3rd mate just be the start of this year's election. stick around. hey guys, this is for all your parents out there who are quarantined with your kids and finding it nearly impossible to get anything done. so today i'm going to show you how to create a treasure hunt for your child. first you want to start with a treasure map. this one z is pretty elaborate. so this is going to keep my kids

busy for hours. if not days, honestly. >> found it. imagine a future where machine learning will track your sleep. excuse me, ma'am? yes? (sleepily) yeah, this already does that. oh, i didn't know that. well now you do. let's try this again. imagine, one day you'll be able to take an ecg. it already does that. really? what about detect hard falls? does it do that? does that. does that. does that. thank you. encourages you to stay fit? does that. oh! i don't know. imagine a tiny device that will check your blood oxygen level. (muffled) it already does that. well. that was fun.

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news pay declares a state red or blue, the. this year thanks to the coronavirus pandemic more people than ever will be voting by mail. and because those mail-in ballots will take days or even weeks, it means that it might be awhile until we know who actually won the election. which according to the fbi means we better buckle up. >> a new warning from the fbi, just 41 days before election day the bureau says foreign actors and cybercriminals will exploit the time rurred to certify and announce election results by disseminating disinformation that includes reports of voter suppression, cyberattacks, targeting election infrastructure, voter or ballot fraud and other problems intended to convention-- convince the public of the election's illegitimacy. >> it also alerts the increased use of mail-in ballot duece to

covid protocols could leave officials with-- adding that foreign actors and cybercriminals could exploit the time required to certify and announce the election's results. the bureau encourages voters to be patient with slow results. it says americans should verify information through multiple reliable sources and think twice before sharing unverified material on social media. >> really fbi? that is your advice? be patient and don't share unverified information on social media? do you know us? we're not going to do any of that shit. the di after the election the most viral post on facebook will be that george sorrous paid jeffrey epstein's ghost to vote for joe biden. but yes, the fbi says that foreign enemies will try to spread disinformation to undermine the election while the votes are being counted. so if they really want to mess with the vote couldn'ting i hope they don't do that thing of just shouting outran dom numbers, that will throw america off.

it gets me every time, 61 million for biden. >> 24. >> 61 million and one for biden. >> 143. >> 61-- oh, got to sart again. one for biden. two for biden. >> so yes, there is a real threat that america's foreign adversaries will latch on to the fact that many votes want come in until after election day. and then what they will try and do is use that to convince voters that the election votes aren't valid. while the fbi is warning america about foreign adversaries spreading disinformation after the election, there is already a pretty major domestic adversary who has been doing it for weeks. >> i'm worried about-- absent votings. i want to see the results of the election on november 3rd. and by the way if it is anything like these other events, it could go on forever. >> an they're allowed to count votes until seven days after election. are we going to wait a week

after november 3rd. if it comes down to nevada, which it could very well, i don't think so. i don't think it is appropriate. it's going to be the greatest fraud in the history of election. >> the only way we're going to lose this election is if the election is rigged. remember that. >> trevor: yes, no need to wait for risha to undermine america's election, because america's president is already doing it himself. i guess he is bringing back foreign jbs to the u.s. after all. i mean if trump isn't working with russia on this, then the russians must be really confused. demetri, did you tell trump to say that? me, i thought maybe you told it. >> why would he undermine his own democracy. maybe just really strange guy. and as for the idea that americans can't wait one week to find out who is going to be in charge of the country, i'm sorry guys, i don't agree with that at all. america is used to waiting a long time to get results. i mean we have been doing it for

coronavirus tests for months now. you know it is actually funny when it comes to election results, trump is like americans can't wait this long for important information. but when you ask about his tax returns it is like we can't rush this delicate process. we've got to be accurate. >> but it's been four years. >> that's because it is hard to. >> here is the thing because this is 2020 and everything is a nightmare it turns out trump doesn't even need to prove that mail-in ballots are invalid in order for him to snatch the election away. yeah, all he needs to do is prolong the fight over it according to a terrifying new report from the atlantic, the trump campaign is discussing plans to drag out the final vote count in swing states for 35 days. and the reason they want to do that is because that's the point at which the state are constitutionally rurred to certify elections. that means there is no discussion by that time, trump could just ask the state

legislators to set aside the popular vote and choose the winner for themselve and since the legislators in most swing states are run by republicans, guess who they are going to pick. so once again donald trmp is a black light on america's democracy, thanks to him everyone is now is hing how america's system relies on good-- states in order to succeed it is basically the please only take one halloween candy of democracy. yeah. works in theory but all you need is one asshole five year old to come and-- now is trump going to get away with any of this. well, it has never been tried before so ultimately that is going to be up to the supreme court which is exactly what donald wants within the president says he needs to move quickly to name a replacement so the full court can hear any cases that come up from the november election. >> we need nine justices. you need that. with the unsolicited millions of ballots that they're sending t is a scam, st a hoax, everybody

knows that. and the democrats know it better than nibbles. so you are going to need nine justices up there. it is a very serious problem. and the democrats know what they are doing is wrong. and all they want to do is go forward with it. so i think you're going to need the nine justices. >> trevor: the one thing i always appreciate about donald trump is that he doesn't try to make us work to figure out his evil plan. because other world leaders are coy, you never know what they are vig, because vladimir putin is like crimea, i don't have a plan for crimea, maybe crimea has plans for itself. meanwhile trump is on the street like i'm going to blow open the door, break open the safe then i'm going to wipe my prints off and-- mar a lago. and that is how i plan to steal all the halloween candy. so look, i'm not going to sugar coat. this is a dangerous situation that america finds it self in. but there are two faws in donald trump's plans. one is that even the justices

that he put on the supreme court could end up ruling against him. and based on how many people trump hired that ended up hating him, that could happen. the second flaw in the plan is that if people come out to vote against him in high enough numbers, the results will be so clear and resonding that there will be no way he can challenge them. so basically what i am saying is donald trump is trying to grab the election by the pussy and america needs to pull a melania and slap that tiny hand away. okay. we have to take a quick break, don't go away because bob wad ward is going to be on the slow and we are agoing to ask him what st like to interview donald trump for nine hours, that's right, nine hours. we'll be right back. >> biden doesn't know the difference between iran and iraq. >> we just launched 59 missiles heading to iraq. >> heading to syria. >> yes. >> heading towards syria. >> now biden is going around like he's a tough guy, he doesn't know where the hell he is. where are you, joe. joe, where are you, joe?

tell me where you are, joe? >> he got slower and slower, he will be so slow. >> you flow where he is now? he's in his damn basement again. >> president trump was moved by secret service agents into a white house bunker. >> biden is anger, everything is anger. >> that is enough, that is enough, that's enough. >> pardon me, put down the mic. >> that is what happens when you can't get the words out. you get angry because you can't get the words out, might happen to me some day, can you imagine if that happened to me. more than ever before, we have held-- late numbers. >> whenever he does talk you can't put two sentences together. >> more than 2,000 years ago a brilliant star shown in the east, wise men, travel far, far appealed. they were a long distance away. >> the man can't think. >> michigan gave us motown, gave us the mustang. >> i think there is probably, possibly drugs involved, that is

what i hear. >> to joe i would say stop playing politics with the virus, too serious. >> i wanted to always play it down. i still like playing it down. >> he only knows what he thinks we should do and he speeds it out. >> hydroxychloroquine, try it. if you like it, take it. >> joe, look, joe doesn't know what is going on, you know that. >> but the same vaccine could not work. you take a solid flu vaccine, you don't think that would have an impact or much of an impact on cover own chris fowler here. dos equis' new pour-by-pour commentator. watch the patience of bubble 99. he waits for a hole between the refreshing bubbles, turns on the gas and takes it all the way to the foam zone...

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life. as we consider the lack of indictments against most of her killers, it is important to remember that even when police officers don't pay for their own misconduct, all of us do. dulce sloan files this report. >> america has finally woken up to the problem of police brutality. sure, they hit the snooze button for the last few decades but better late than never. but there is one giant problem. almost half of white people still think the police are doing an excellent job using the right amount of force. well, half of white people, it is time to change your mind, since you weren't moved by this, or this, are or this. >> i am going to leave emotions out of it, stick to the numbers because i'm dulce sloan and you can count on it. to all those fiscally responsible americans who vote with their wallets it is time to learn the hard truth about how police brutality is affecting the bottomline. today at morey speak easy from the action center on race and economy to find us a real cost

of police brutality. >> the human cost is that there are people who are long-term traumatized in communities. >> no, no, no, no. that is [bleep] up, but i'm talking about the money. you noarks de niro, chedar, coins, okay, how much does it cost. >> so in a city like chicago in a ten year period, like 700 million dollars worth of settlements. >> what? >> yeah, all of that money is paid by taxpayers. >> i've been paying to get my ass whooped by the cops. >> technically, yes. >> that is like being hit by a car and finding out that you bought them the car and then had to pay to get the car fixed. >> yeah. >> is there like a line item in the police budget for settlements? >> it is in the city's budget. >> but why isn't it in the police department's budget? i mean maybe then other officers would step in and be like hey man, listen, we only get five-- allocated to each officer a month and you are about to go

over. >> the problem is that we look at the police budget as a third rail that they can never, ever touch no matter what. the police commit so many act ofs of misconduct they often exceed that budget line item. and chicago, for instance, for basically every year from 2010 to 2017 they exceeded the budget line item for cementments. >> did you hear that my pis kally minded friends, in 2018 chicago spent more than 113 million on settlements. over five times more than the city budget for police lawsuits. that is like paying out a lawsuit every two days. that is 5,000. >> how are we maying for this. >> the city might choose to pay the settlement using a bond. >> a bond? you are telling me cops are et booing us up on layaway? >> yeah, i mean, yes. >> and savings bond, how about bail bondsk which of these two bonds do you think i have interacted with?

>> i'm going to pass on that question because i don't know you very well, dulce. >> good answer, good answer, good answer. >> it was savings, thank you so much. >> it is a totally different system with these bonds, we call them police brutality bonds. >> police brutality bonds. >> you borrow the money and then you pay back with interest over a longer period of time. >> so banks are profiting off police brutality in black and brown neighborhoods. >> yes. >> wow. >> but a couple of cities in particular use these police brutality bonds pretty frequently. chicago who has, you know, lots of police brutality settlements in general, use the bonds all the time. >> he is right, between 2010 and 2017 chicago bought over 700 million in bonds to pay offset elments. but because of interest and fees, that ended up costing taxpayers 1.7 billion. damn. during that same stretch of time chicago closed half its mental health clinics and 50 public

elementary schools. maurice, what the hell are we going to do about this? >> well, what we do want to stop is the police brutality and we get there by defunding the police which is a win-win but also, i think you would be surprised what some people in cities would pay to keep the police lar rasing black people-- harassing black people. >> no, actuallyk i'm not surprised at all. but if i spoke to white people's wallets in a style they understand, maybe they would pay attention. >> hey, white people, welcome back to the show. today we're talking about how police brutality is killing black and brown people and it is killing your portfolio. police brutality is straining your municipal investments over 1.7 billion in the chicago market alone. think of all the white people stuff you could spend that on. could you get a peloton, could you get a boat, you could buy the goop store, you could buy

gwyneth paltrow. so demand accountability for the police. your 401(k) depends on it. tune in next week and see how much money are you losing on climate change which according to my calculations is-- oh damn. >> trevor: thank you so much, dulce. we will take a quick break but don't go a what because when we come back, i will be talking to the legendary bob woodward about his blockbuster book on the trump white house. stick aroundvor: welcome back te

daily social distancing show. so earlier today i spoke with pulitzer prize winning journalist bob woodward about his latest best seller "rage" and we talked about what it is like to interview donald j.

trump. check it out. bob woodward, welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> thank you. >> you are one of america's most respected journalists and i would venture to say that you are also one of america's most feared journalists, especially when it comes to american prt-- presidents. your work is part of the reason richard nixon did not have the job for as long as he wanted to. and now your work could be the reason that donald trump doesn't have the job as long as he wants toment imwould love to know why do president still feel the need to speak to you when it seems like it is a catch 22. >> well, nixon would never speak to carl bernstein or myself. but trump decided to, it is kind of a complicated chronology. i was on your show in 2018, and trump was, had not talked to me. and he felt that was a mistake. and we developed this, during the pandemic, this odd tp o tell

phone relationship where he would call me at 10:00 at night, i had to carry a tape recorder around to make sure i recorded it. for nine hours and 41 minutes. >> trevor: right, he dropped the bombshell a few weeks ago. you have donald trump on tape explicitly saying that he was downplaying the threat of coronavirus because he didn't want people to panic. do you think donald trump was saying it in a malicious way or can you see his reasoning for why he was saying the things he was saying. >> i can see from his point of view, he says i downplayed it, i always downplayed it. i didn't want people to panic, early on in january, which was the key moment, this was all laid out for him, in the kind of detail that when i found out about it, i thought oh my god,

the whole case is there. his national security advisor robert o'brien saying this virus is going to be the bick-- the biggest national security threat to your presidency. and the dep see and a "the wall street journal" reporter in china for seven years, he had a deep throat in china who said this is what is going on, and what is going on is this is going to be like the-- 20-- i'm sorry, like the 1918 pandemic spanish flu that killed 675,000 people in this country. so trump knew this was a top secretary et meeting. the doctors did not know because they were not in this meeting. there are two major channels of information from the president at this time. they only came together to him

and he failed to do his duty to protect the people. he failed to do his duty to tell the truth. >> you caught a lot of flak from people who said bob woodward, you sat on this for seven months and you didn't tell us that trump knew how bad this was. you saw him in the news at rallies saying coronavirus was a hoax and people shouldn't worry and it is going to disappear. but you knew that he knew how severe it was. why didn't you come out and say something. >> it is a fair question. >> trevor: yeah. >> when he told me about this on february 7th, i knew and thought for sure he was talking about china. because everything was china in january and february. it dawned on me that he was talking about the united states. of course i would have gone to "the washington post" and said we've got to run this story. but it was may when i learned that what trump was talking

about was this critical sense of january 28th meeting when it was laid out to him, when i finally figured it out, frankly, the world knew that the virus was a panned. the world and the people in this country knew it was airborne, they knew it was deadly, they knew if you had some sort of-- if you didn't have symptoms, could you still spread it. so this is what trump knew and we knew we could put the book out before the election, that is the demarcation line so people can either accept it or is reject it. that is fine. but i feel totally comfortable and if you read through the book and understand the time line, you can see i believed exactly how i responded. >> trevor: you have been privy

to conversations that nobody else would. you have seen how presidents think, you see how their advisors interact with them. you have seen how the secret sauce is made. is there a difference in how president trump as a president works, or have you seen disfunction like this in other white house and they just do a better job of insulating the story from coming out. >> that is an important question. nixon, the first president i worked on was critical. and the republican party revolted then in 1974, went to him and said you don't get support when barry gold water said i pounded him there are-- if this becomes a senate trial in the next night, nixon announced his resignation. some of the other presidents clearly have made mistakes but as best i can tell, it is always a good faith effort.

sometimes misguided but it's a good faith effort. january 28 could have been the moment the trump presidency changed. he gave his state of the union address, maybe a week after that critical january 28th meeting. and that is the address to congress, 40 million people watched it. and trump de voted 15 seconds to the virus and he said we're doing everything we could. now if he had taken the time and said look, my experts have rung the bell there are some things you can do like wash your hands, like keep social distance of six feet, don't get in a room with lots of people, and wear a massk. instead he goes on merrily playing it down, not understanding the country that

he leads. st a tragedy beyond shakespeare, quite frankly. >> trevor: bob woodward, thank you so much for joining us on the show. >> thank you, enjoyed it. >> trevor: thank you so much for that again, mr. woodward. all right, we'll take a quick break, we'll be right back after that is our hoe store tonight, but before we go if you would like to honor justice ruth bader ginsburg, you might consider donating to the aflu women's rights project.

s organization was cofounded in 1972, and since then it has lead the fight for legal reform through the courts for women's equality and economic rights. if you can help in anyway, please visit the link below. until tomorrow, stay safe out there, wear a mask and remember, if you need to poop, please hold it until you get off the subway. now here it is, your moment of zen. >> let's have dinner. >> they through him aside like he was a little bag of popcorn, they go and buy tuna fush and soup, you know that right t is the perfect way, tuna fish, it can really rip it, right, and that hits you. it's true. brand tuna you can throw that and put a curve on it.