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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  September 24, 2020 11:00pm-11:45pm PDT

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[moans and heavy breathing] [gasps] oh, my god! what? [phyllis gasps, drops box] on, everybody? welcome to "the daily social distancing show. i'm trevor noah. today is thursday, the 24th of september, and we are now just 40 days from election day. so, for anyone who's still undecided about who to vote for... (super slow and confused) ...hhoooowwww??? what are you waiting for? anyway, on tonight's show, donald trump is scaring the shit out of everyone, nobody is getting charged for killing breonna taylor, and the app that's offering everyone an exciting new way to get canceled. so let's do this, people! welcome to "the daily social distancing show." >> from trevor noah's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is "the daily social distancing show "daily social distancing show" with trevor noah.
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>> trevor: let's kick things off by talking about all the news that we won't be talking about today, which i know sounds really weird, but thanks to donald junta trump, we don't have time to cover some of the more fun stories. for instance "the washington post" is reporting that the prime minister of israel benjamin netanyahu has been bringing suitcases full of dirty laundry with him whenever he visits the u.s., and he does this because all the laundry gets cleaned for free by the president's staff at the white house. which is pretty wild. i mean, this guy runs a country and ehe's treating the white house like a college freshman visiting his parents for the weekend? it also probably explains while netanyahu is signing all these peace deals. >> i'm out of underwear. meets me at the white house. >> trevor: an app called grant is accused of promoting digital
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blackface, for letting users see what they'd look like as other races. i don't know if this counts as blackface, but i do know this counts as a shitty app because that is not what you would look like as a black person. that's just another person. also, if you're a white person, you don't need a filter to see what you would look like as a european. that's what you is! then in coronavirus is ruining everything news, it was announced the annual new year's eve billion drop in times square will be going virtual this year. canceling new year's eve is a great call. i learned my lesson with 2020. i'm not celebrating a year before we get to see if it's good first. we should see how 2020 goes and then decide whether or not we want to throw it a party. you have to earn the right for me to celebrate you by vomiting in times square by drinking too many white claws.
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it's a privilege. it's hard to care about ball drops or dirty laundry when the world's oldest democracy is about to become the world's newest dictatorship. >> never in the mystery of this country has there not been a peaceful transfer of power after a presidential election, but now president trump is suggesting he might not accept the election results if he is not the winner. >> the president is taking a position on this issue that is not just unprecedented by critics warn it is dangerous, erefusing to endorse one of the most basic tenets of american democracy. >> will you commit to making sure that there is a peaceful trance feral of power after the election? >> well, we're going to see what happens. you know i have been complaining very strongly about the ballots and the ballots are a disaster and -- >> i understand that but people are rioting. do you commit to making sure there's a peaceful transfer of power. >> get rid of the ballots and we'll have a peaceful -- there won't be a transfer, quite
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frankly, there will be a continuation. >> trevor: holy shit, i never thought i would see the day when an american president would threaten to not accept an election edefeat. let's be honest, this i is something you hear about in random country where america steps in to save democracy. those countries should send peacekeepers to the u.s. well, well, well, refusing to give up power rampant disease and high unemployment, who is the shithole now? huh? donald trump has gone on quite the journey. he spent his entire life being a famous land lord and is now the most famous squatter. even if joe biden wins they will find trump in the white house basement living the parasite life. on the real low, this is a legit problem because the peaceful transfer of power is the basis
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of democracy. he's basically threatening a coup, unless what he means is he will leave but ehe thinks it's more interesting if there is a fight on the way out which i don't totally disagree with. can you mind how fun it would be if the incoming president would have to fist fight the outgoing president? president trump and biden would re-create the geriatric fights while kamala harris had them in a head lock? oh, no, i'm going to hell! i hope there's a peaceful transition of power. but i'm not in good enough shape to fight a civil war now. i have been trapped inside my home for months. i'm not working out. i'm like a caterpillar that went into a contact coop and came out as a shittier caterpillar. if you've paid attention to donald trump, it's not surprised he likes the idea of being a dictator. he's written more love letters
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to kim jong un than his own wife. the question is will the republicans allow him to get away with it? and today several heavy hitters responded. >> republican lawmakers defending the idea of a peaceful transfer of how w power but unwg to attack the president directly. smart mitt romney tweeting any suggestion a president might not respect this constitutional guarantee is unthinkable and unacceptable. >> from marco rubio, as we've done for two centuries we will have a legitimate and fair election. >> senator majority leader mitch mcconnell tweeted there will be an orderly transition just as every four years since 1792. thank god. mitch mcconnell says the election results will be honored. if there's one person who's word we can trust, mitch mcconnell. a mitch mcconnell promise is as trustworthy as a husband with glitter on his face. now he says the winner of the
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election will be inaugurated. if biden wins, he'll come out like, rrrr, on november 16 the american people had their say, we can't just erase that now, mrrr, mrrr! they voted once, why again? at this point, there's nothing the g.o.p. can do to put people at ease. because they try and reassure people then always end up backing trump. the g.o.p. treats americans like a dog being taken to the vet. yeah, you tell him that you're going to park and before he knows it he's waking up on a table and his balls are gone. after 250 years, americans have grown somewhat attached to living in a democracy. so a lot of them are understandably pretty upset about what happened. and usually, when americans are angry at trump, they don't have a chance to tell him directly, but it just so happens that today trump went out to pay respects to the late r.b.g., and the people who were there, well, they let him know exactly how
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they felt. >> president trump and first lady melania trump arrived at the supreme court thursday morning to pay their respects to justice ruth bader ginsburg. mourners waiting in line to do the same booed and chanted when they saw the president had arrived. ( boos and chanting ) stew oooh! that must suck! it's like trump's twitter mentions turned up in real life. do you know how bad you have to be to get booed at a funeral? basically, people are, like, two things have happened here -- death and you! and you're the one we're going to boo! although trump is so oblivious, he probably turned to melania when they left and was, like, what did you do to those people, melania? they didn't like you at all. i will say kudos to the president. i half expected him to kick r.b.g.'s coffin over and start
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cursing at the the crowd. instead he kept his composure. makes me wonder what was going through his head? ( vote him out, vote him out ) >> you simply can't comprehend the genius of donald trump. our president has no fear. >> this is our best president, in my memory. >> you bought us valuable time by taking that strzok action, mr. president. it was brave, unprecedented. >> he is smart, filled with energy. nobody is a close second, and he gets more done in a day than any other president i have been aware of over the course of my life. >> my father isn't deterred by defeatist thinkers. the word "impossible," well, it only motivates him. >> trevor: of course, he went to his happy place. although booing him might make some people feel better, trump refusing to say he would leave office if he loses is a scariy thought. because who knows what could happen with that kind of threat?
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well, for more on this, let's talk to a man who's repeatedly refused to leave his apartment when his lease is up. our very own roy wood, jr. roy, i need your advice on this, man. what do you make of donald trump's comments? because a lot of people are worried this could lead to election day violence. >> man, i'm not worried about that, man. trump says crazy stuff all the time. that's what he does. this ain't that big of a deal. henry pack your shit! come on, son, we've got to move. >> trevor: surprising that's your point of view. you're not worried trump will refuse to leave office? >> no, no, i'm not worried. in fact, trevor, everybody should stay calm and remain at home, and don't go out blocking the roads with the protests or anything like that especially the road between new york city and the canadian border. ( ringing ) that's my phone. hang on, man. francois, what's up, got a room for me in montreal or no?
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that's what's up, my dog, i knew you would come through. i'll hit you when we're on the road. >> trevor: roy, looks like you're packing for a big trip. >> no, i'm just testing my bag. you never tested your bag just to make sure the clothes -- 50 pounds -- look, it's not like i'm about to leave america before donald trump declares himself king for life. and even if he was going to do it don't you trust his fellow republicans to stand up to him? >> trevor: when you put it like that it makes me more worried. >> no, trevor, don't be worried. this is america. we're going to get through this, man, you can bank on it. which reminds me i need to close my bank accounts. i need to bounce. going to get with you, brother. >> trevor: i'll check in with you later on in the show. does that sound good? >> you can do whatever you want but you don't see me again. everybody wants to stay calm and remember that we're going to get through this. henry! come on, son! just grab a toy!
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goddam! >> trevor: roy is this ( door shuts ) roy wood, jr., everyone. we'll take a quick break. when we come back, talking about the breonna taylor ruling, jeff daniels is on the show and desus imagine a future where machine learning will track your sleep. excuse me, ma'am? yes? (sleepily) yeah, this already does that. oh, i didn't know that. well now you do. let's try this again. imagine, one day you'll be able to take an ecg. it already does that. really? what about detect hard falls? does it do that? does that. does that. does that. thank you. encourages you to stay fit? does that. oh! i don't know. imagine a tiny device that will check your blood oxygen level. (muffled) it already does that. well. that was fun.
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thanks captain obvious. i'm you from the future here to warn you about 2020. it can't be that bad, right? let's just say it gets a bit dramatic. there's no toilet paper, hand sanitizer or sports, oh and trips were cancelled. what??! listen just choose free cancellation on hotels.com because no one knows what the future holds. anything else?
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enjoy the go with charmin. for months now, breonna taylor's name has been chanted by millions of people around the globe, demanding that the police who killed her be held accountable, and yesterday the grand jury made its decision. >> new calls for racial justice fueled by pain, frustration and outright disappointment. once again rippling across this nation. overnight protests broke out in multiple cities after a grand jury decided no charges would be brought against louisville police in the shooting death of breonna taylor. the protests started in louisville but quickly spread across this country. demonstrations took place from coast to coast, l.a. to nyc. protestors gathered outside police departments and courthouses and held rallies in milwaukee and atlanta, demanding justice for breonna taylor. the grand jury determined that the officers were justified in
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firing the fatal shots because taylor's proi boy friend fired at them first. an officer later fired was indicted but for shooting into a neighbor's apartment, nothing for the killing of breonna taylor. >> trevor: yes. all over the u.s., frustrated people reacted to a disappointing but predictable decision, with only one officer being indicted, and not for shooting breonna taylor, but for shooting in the direction of her neighbors. and you know, as i watched what unfolded yesterday, whether in the streets of kentucky or between people interacting online, i found myself asking one question, one question that just couldn't get unstuck from my mind, that was who is winning in this whole thing? i'm not talking about who this helps in the election. take donald trump and joe biden out of this because i don't think this is an issue that will be solved by just an election. i'm talking about on this ground, the lives of people, who is winning?
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because to me it looks like nobody is winning. breonna taylor's family isn't winning, they lost a loved one, got no justice and have been thrust into a political fire storm. black people definitely aren't winning because they have been told a cop can barge into your house and shoot you. not only that, they can say that they were defending themselves in your house. and as if that wasn't wild enough, they'll only get in trouble for the shots that they missed? seems like if only the criminal justice system valued black people as much as dry wall because black people are always told the same things time and time again -- oh, bs just be a good person. you know, if you just had a job or didn't do crime, the cops would leave you alone, but what is now? now it's become, well, don't hang out with criminals, don't hang out with people who might have a history as criminals, or don't hang out with associates. don't even live in a
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neighborhood that's considered to be criminal. but you wouldn't have to tell black people all of that because if you told the police to do their job better and not burst into places assuming everyone is a criminal threat, then this wouldn't happen. black people aren't winning. why doesn't america treat the police as responsible for their own actions. they're police, not bears. if they were bears, you could say black people, you shouldn't be hanging around the honey, you're going to get hurt. but they're human beings who should held accountable for what they. do america tells people a story, that the second amendment means you should get a gun to protect yourself, but then that same america tell us that if you use your gun to protect yourself in your home then the cops have a right to kill you. and that sounds like a tyrannical government to me. and if your answer is, well, don shoot back at the police officers that you mistake as intruders, i mean, you're admitting what we all knew was true and that is america is a police state and it's most
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protected class are police officers. to me it sounds like nobody is winning because the police are also not winning. right? all that happens now is that they lose the trust of the community that they're meant to protect and serve. and now, as police, they are running around paranoid as (~bleep ), running through the streets, preying to god that they don't get shot. now two of them were shot, which inonly increases their paranoia. police are paranoid, families of police are paranoid when their husbands or wives leave, they're paranoid because they feel like an occupying force there to fight against the city. that's not what policing is supposed to be. you can't have effective policing if the community isn't on your side. police aren't winning. being a policeman in america is terrifying. you're old every day from your training someone is going to pull a gun out of their glove compartment and shoot you. in part that's true because america has so many guns.
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doesn't matter if it happens, it's in your mind. black america isn't winning because people are framing them as a violent population. "black lives matter" repeatedly said they're a nonviolent organization. people say then why don't you control your members. because unlike the police force they don't have a membership structure or a record of their employees. anyone can march in the street and claim they're part of "black lives matter." we don't know if someone is. someone can break a window and say it's "black lives matter." we don't know. but a policeman is a police been. they can be held accountable. they're part of a structure. when they're not, only chaos will ensue. nobody's winning. the protestors aren't winning. maybe 2% of protestors are trying to (~bleep ) shit up for one but by and large protestors don't want to be protesting. people don't want to be marching through the streets clashing with police, tear gassed,
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beaten, arrested. they'd much rather be living their lives, but they protest because other people can't live their lives. no one looks at a march where people are getting beaten by the cops and say this is a great opportunity to get my steps in. black people are exhausted. millions of americans are exhausted. they're tired. tired of feeling like they're hunted. tired of protesting the streets in order to be viewed as equals. they're tired of people telling them how to protest. trust me when i say black people would rather be at home taking a nap. nobody is winning. and you know what, yesterday got to me was especially the part where the kentucky a.g. said to people angry about this situation that mob justice is not justice. then what happens when justice is not justice? think about it, what part of this was justice? if you want to say all of the police followed the letter of the law, did they? did they?
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what part of it is justice? if you lied to the police abwhat happened during a crime, the police can charge you with something, but if the police lie about what they did nobody face thinks consequences, is that justice? what does it mean when the system says everything that happened in this breonna taylor shooting was legal, issuing is no-knock warrant, breaking down the door and killing her in the bed is legal. justice isn't justice either. the truth is nobody's winning. as society, we're all losing right now. until there's real justice, nobody wins. we'll be right back. ♪ he trained his mind among 'the black bear school' of chess. speed players. ♪
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(you lose!) trash talkers. i don't know why you lookin at me. you should be looking at the board - tap - move - tap! what you think? you wanna come inside my house - how about i come in your house! (ko!) and through defeat, he learned... to dive, again and again... ♪ ♪ you can beat every bear in the forest, but the game is never finished. ♪ ♪
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so earlier today, i spoke with desus nice and the kid mero. we talked about their showtime series and brand-new book. check it out. desus and mero, welcome to "the daily social distancing show. >> what's up. >> good to be here. >> how you been, man? >> trevor: i feel like i haven't been as good as you guys. i'm not going to lie. there is something i enjoy about watching your show when no matter what's happening in the world i always feel like the bodega boys are going to keep me feeling like it's not the worst day in history. do you know what i mean? >> yeah, because there's probably going to be worse days in history, to be fair. >> that's our new sass. we are now the court jesters to the end of america.
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everyone's like, hey, desus and mero, take our minds off the fact that the world sending. we're like, ha ha! >> with a band on the titanic. >> trevor: you're crushing it because you're the furthest thing from being the band on the titanic because your show got renewed for a third season on showtime. you've described the show as almost like being at a barbershop but with more facts. you cover the news but you so far social media, you cover what the streets are talking about. feels like, in my opinion, of all the late night shows your show was shaken the least by the coronavirus because you guys have always been wearing hoodies, you guys have always been -- i mean, you have the sneakers you have been rocking every sing daily to have the show. has anything changed for you in a big way? >> just balancing work and home life. before, personally speaking, i put everything in a nice little
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compartment. >> trevor: right. >> so my office in the studio was work and my house was my house where i live with my kids and wife and there were two separate entities, like separation of church and state. now we've got the church in the state and it's like holding a bible upside down and everybody is running around all wild. you know what i mean. so that was the only adjustment. but as far as, like, losing the audience and that type of stuff, the show's always been, like, desus and i bouncing jokes off each other and trying to make each other laugh a as opposed to selling a joke to you, you know what i mean. >> trevor: right. >> so the energy has remained the same i feel like because of that. >> as far as consuming culture to make the show definitely changed because before it was, like, you turn on the news and twitter or whatever and you take it in and talk about it the next day on the show, but you had the outside life, you had new york city to balance that out. you could go to a bar or movies, hang out with your friends. now it's like sit in front of a tv, scroll on twitter, take in all the information, go into your sneaker room and report it
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and make it entertaining to the world. that's a little drainer. mentally you have to balance your mentales. but like mero said, basically the same show. it feels a heightened sense of importance because people are getting the information from the show. before it was entertainment, and now we've got dr. fauci on. before your show was like here's some levity and a little information. and now it's like your show is getting people through this pandemic. and i know you get that the same way. >> trevor: one to have the things i've loved about the show now is the background. i feel like you guys have to keep this when you go back to a studio if you do because i love seeing, like, more of who you each are individually. desus, for a few weeks, i thought it was a zoom background. i'm where do i download the zoom background of the sneakers because nobody owns that many sneakers. >> i go, yo, bro, real sneaker. that really heightens the show
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because it's like look at desus with all the sneakers. mero is in the basement over there. the backgrounds are indicative of who we are. mero will talk about family stuff and things of that nature. and i will be this sneaker came out, whatever. it's a good blend. it looks different than everyone else. early on when zoom got introduced to humanity, we were looking at each other's branders and didn't know which way to go, should i put a potted plant, a fern? i'm going to do the background and stand out. room rater, i want my rating! >> you know what i'm saying? this is for the curator. there is not random clutter. >> trevor: let's talk about your new project. you've done everything, made podcasts, tv shows, a live tour going around the united states before coronavirus hit and now a book entitled "god level
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knowledge darts," life lessons from the bronx. what does that mean "god level knowledge darts." >> that's the highest level of information you can get. it's casual information you get that will change your life and it's not that deep when you hear it but when you stop and think about it you're like yo, wait a minute. that's wild. >> you know what i mean? think about it. this is knowledge but it's in a dart form so it's going to penetrate, you know what i mean, penetrate your third eye and decals fy'your peniel gland. you know what i mean? >> it's like if you're drunk at a party or are high, someone says, if you spell the word spot backwards, it's a different word. you start your journey to enlightenment. it's lessons we learned in the bronx so maybe we learned them so you don have to g go through
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that. also it's a photograph of where we're at in life versus a couple of years ago. the people a couple of years ago might not be the people you band to watch on tv. it maps the growth that we've had. it's talking about our relationships, families, people dying, so you know it's a good collection of us. >> i loved some of the topics in the book because i've always been amazed at how common our story can be regardless of where we're from in the world. the hood seems like the hood no matter where you are. one part of the book is where you're talking about how the bronx taught you to be broke. it reminded to me of something my mom said when the coronavirus started. i said is everything okay? you need anything? she said, don't worry about me, i have a ph.d. in getting broke, i can handle this if things get bad. you were talking about that in the book. do you think there are life lessons in the bronx somebody doesn't learn in a "good life"
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that they need to survive today? >> for sure, 100%. if you've never gone to bed hungry or never had to just drink water so you're not hungry, you could definitely learn something from this book. if you've never had to, like, you know, oh, i want meat with my food tonight so let me throw it down my pant leg and walk out of the store. you're definitely going to learn a lesson in the book. it's not about suffering, that sounds wild, but it's like a time capsule to a point in our lives where it was just, like, these were not jokes then, it was real life, and we have to do this to survive. desus talks about paying rent on time and all these topics that are really common across the board, like surviving, eating, paying your bills, et cetera. >> trevor: i know your chemistry works. everyone knows when the two of you were together this is magic.
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soto see it in a book, you have the all caps thing, which throws me off because feels like you're shouting at my off the pages of a book. it feels you're captured the essence of bodega boys on a page. were you shockedt at how well that worked? >> it kind of whrebded itself because after doing the podcast, live shows, tv shows, it's basically any format we do we keep the same energy and vibrator ovibrateon the same fr. it's a google docs, you're working on the same thing. if it was old school style where we were mailing back and forth a word document, some of that energy would be lost but having a free-flowing living document like a google document where we're work at the same time and you can see each other working, that lended to a stream of comingness and definitely feeling like a version that's
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typed of the podcast. >> trevor: the book is out, show is successful, i appreciate it. thanks for joining me. a quick break. next, i'll be talking to jeff daniels about what it was like to play james comey, yeah, f.b.i. james comey. stick around. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ the big events are back. xfinity is your home for the return of live sports.
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"the daily social distancing show. earlier today, i spoke with emmy award winning actor jeff daniels. we talked about his starring role as f.b.i. director james comey in the upcoming showtime miniseries "the comey rule." >> i'm not saying the f.b.i. believes these accusations, we simply have a duty to make you aware of that. >> do i look like i need to do there, to prostitutes? >> the bureau has not passed judgment on the truth of the allegations, our endeavor is to protect you. >> trevor: jeff daniels, welcome to "the daily social distancing show. >> glad to be here. >> trevor: to say that i'm a big fan of yours is an
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understatement. i have truly always admired watching how you embody characters in a range that i think few other human beings can, and i mean i feel like you've done it again. this is almost widened the breadth of your range, you know, you've gone from playing one of the biggest dim wits in history in dumb and dumber to one of the most complicated and serious human beings james comey, former head of the f.b.i. before we get into the whys of comey and how, which is harder for you to play as an actor. >> usually the guys who are smarter have a lot more to say. like will mcavoy or comey or atticus finch or broadway, there are lots and lots lines that take longer to memorize. harry in dumb and dumber didn't open his mouth nearly as much and someone that stupid is easier to learn somehow. i don't know. but that would be the main
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difference, yeah. >> trevor: i will tell you this, the comey truly and playing james comey could not have come at a more i think fitting moment in american history because as we gear up for another election, i think a lot of people remember back to 2016 and how one moment in time seems to have shifted not just the election but american history forever, and that was when james comey came out and announced his investigation into then candidates hillary clinton. this show is interesting because it presents us with a dilemma from comey's point of view. what were you trying to give us in terms of for or against him in terms of his decisions. >> in october 2016, i remember when it was announced they were going to reopen the investigation and i remember thinking something like what is he thinking? what is he doing? i mean, we were two days away -- billy bush's bus ride had been, like, the day before. >> trevor: right.
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>> wikileaks was making noise about 33,000 e-mails they were going to leak, which is what comey had to deal with. does he get out in front of that? because giuliani is going to leak it. so he -- to protect the integrity of the f.b.i., he did that. that's what you find out. you find out he was between a rock and a hard place and he couldn't punt, he had to decide, and there was no easy decision. anytime that a political opinion would come in, whether through his team that he was trying to help him make the decision, he had to swat it away because it had to state an apolitical decision, which i was unaware of, that he worked real hard to push back against trying to and also the left. he had to stay true to the rule of law, to the institution of the department of justice, the integrity of the f.b.i., these are all things that are bigger than jim comey and he looks at
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them like someone who would look at their religion, and that was his north star, and he made his decisions based on those things, and everyone else's thinking politically, and that kind of jumped out at me. >> trevor: one thing i've always enjoyed about talking to an actor behind the scenes is learning how they discover a part of a human being that we didn't get to see in the public eye. what were some of the things you discovered about the man that we never got to see because we were looking at the agent? >> jim comey was accused of being self-righteous and a boy scout and his right was bigger than your right and his morality. certainly, if you disagreed with his decision or looking at it politically, i could see how you would go to that because he was going, no, i'm going to serve something bigger. but the other thing i learned about him, and even more so in contrast to trump, is that jim
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comey, at the bottom, at the bottom, is honest, decent, open, will tell you the truth, compassionate, cares about other people, is self-effacing, is humble, certainly ambitious, but not to the point of trampling over people. that's -- when you look at that and look at comey rule, you see an example of that. it's not boy scout or pollyanna, it's who the guy is, it's what he believes, and it's shocking to see that because we've had four years of the opposite. and you want to put something on the ballot, put decency on the ballot, put compassion on the ballot, put caring about someone other than yourself on the ballot or your political party.
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i'd like to see that. jim comey is a good example of that as a former republican, by the way. that's what he used to be. i don't know what he is now. >> trevor: well, i'll tell you this -- you've done it before. i genuinely believe that you've done it again. it is a stellar performance that brings to life someone that everyone thought they knew and maybe we'll get to know a little bit better and tells a story i think every american should be talking about especially before going into another election. jeff daniels, thank you so much for joining me on the show. >> thank you, trevor. pleasure. >> trevor: thanks for that we'll take a quick break and be right back after this.that's our
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tonight, but before we go, if you would like to honor justice ruth bader ginsburg and her legacy, consider donating to the aclu, including their women's rights project. the aclu women's rights project was co-founded by r.b.g. in 1972, and since then it has been leading the fight for gender equality through litigation and advocacy. if you can help them in their cause, please visit the link below and donate what you can. until next time -- stay safe out there, wear a mask, and i hope you'll have peaceful transfer to next week. now, here it is -- your moment of zen. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> well, the quote of the day comes from my new book, if trump can win again, he would join winston churchill and alexander the great among the greatest leader of world history.
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>> what? is this man joking? say that to my face, i'm alexander the freakin' great to quote myself. (~bleep ) you, lou, you (~bleep ) you, lou, you pasty-faced donut. (michael) we are going to be standing here every monday for the next seven mondays. this summer, corporate is sponsoring a little weight loss contest. you lost 31 pounds. hey! fax this for me. she goes to new york in, like, ten minutes. (pam) tomorrow i start a three-month design program at the pratt institute in new york. why haven't i proposed yet? we just decided that, um, we didn't want to spend the first three months of our engagement apart. oscar, i don't know if your offer still stands, but you can give your yoga teacher my number. uh. that was the last time, dwight. i mean it. monkey. no, no, i have a fiance i very much like. all i care about is that we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together. hey, could i have a rain check on the mini golf? i, uh... actually have a date tonight.

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