welcome to the daily social distancing show. i'm trevor noah. today is monday, the 28th of september, and, guys, i can't believe it myself, but today marks five years to the day of my very first "daily show." so, to everyone out there who's been watching and supporting this show over the past five years, i just wanna truly thank you guys because this has been one of the wildest rides of my life. i mean, i still remember how, when i started, people were telling me that i sucked and that i was a horrible host and that i shouldn't even be in a tv studio, and, well, now those people got their wish. anyway, on tonight's show -- we meet the next supreme court justice, roy wood jr. looks at the effort to help felons get the right to vote, and the world finally finds out why donald trump has been hiding his taxes. so let's do this, people!

welcome to "the daily social distancing show." >> trevor: let's kick things off with the supreme court. the people who have more control over your life than jeff bezos. ruth bader ginsburg was the cornerstone of the court's liberal block. but over the weekend donald trump nominated aim aim as her replacement and looks like having three names is the only thing she and her predecessor have in common. >> 37 days out from election day the president's selecting judge amy coney barrett to fill the seat vacated by late just ruth bader ginsburg. >> amy coney barrett would be the youngest member to have the supreme court. she went to college in tennessee and graduated from notre dame where she taught law for 15

years and is a devout catholic. >> barrett could reshape the court for decades to come, pushing it further to the wright. >> she suggested a roe v. wade decision was wrongly decided. if she's confirmed, the court would more likely broaden the reach of gun rights. if she's confirmed by the time the supreme court hears a break or break challenge to obamacare in mid-november, she might be inclined to rule for red states challenging the law enforcement critical of the state's 2012 ruling upholding it. >> trevor: that's right, amy coney barrett could help overturn roe v. wade, kill obamacare and expand gun rights. that means someday in the feature a fetus can shoot you and you won't have insurance to pay the hospital bills. this is like mike pence's wet dream, if he was allowed to have them. what's shocking is how out of

touch the supreme court from the country at large. 63% of americans want roe v. wade kept in place. 53% support obamacare and 64 support stricter gun law enforcement this is what the founding fathers always wanted, a branch of government to act like an evil stepparent for the rest of the country. please maim, may i have some healthcare? no! now go to your room and play with your ar-15! waa! pow pow pow pow pow! and those are just some of the issues she'll rule on in the next couple of years because kind barrett is only 48 years old so she will be sitting on the bench for decades which is really bad news for liberals and really bad news for her. sitting on a bench for decades with no seat do you thin cushioy uncomfortable. usually confarming a supreme court nominee could take up to three months. you need time to vet the

nominee, hold hearings and take them to the mall for glamour shoes. since the election is just five weeks away, republicans are putting theo seases on fast forward and based on the schedule they put forward they will vote to confirm amy coney barrett just days before the election. you almost have to appreciate how ballsy this is. this is the same party that went from you can't confirm a supreme court justice during the same year as an election and now they're practically confirming someone on election day. it's a complex legislative maneuver known as the shrug emoji. i wouldn't mind republicans doing a complete 180 on this if every now and then they flipped on a different belief, like how poor people don't deserve to live. do a 180 on that one and spice things up! democrats don't have a lot of options to stop the nominee. joe biden resorted to appealing to republicans' sense of decency and urging them to vote against filling the seat right before the election. but i'm going to be honest,

republicans are not giving off a strong decency vibe right now. >> to the r.b.g. to the notorious acb. there are limited edition t-shirts referring to amy coney barrett as the notorious a. council members b. a play on the late justice ruth bader ginsburg known as the notorious notorious r.b.g. this comes a week after ginsburg passing. >> trevor: nothing says classy like stealing a deceased justice nickname. this is insitting not only to r.b.g. but to rap. no way amy coney barrett even know who biggie smalls is. i bet you that's measurements for her robe fitting. amy coney barrett is the opposite of r.b.g. technically she should be tupac. if you're going to do it, do it right. those should be thug pro-life t-shirts, dumbasses.

actually, that's a good idea, don't give them that. but two can play at this game, coaters. you steal a liberal's nickname, i'll steal a conservative's tick name. from now on you can call me trevor if wolverine was addicted to fudge noah. if i was trump, i would also be rushing to fill the supreme court seat, not just because it's important but it takes attention away from the coronavirus which is still rampaging through the country. in fact, after dropping during the summer, corona cases are now on the rise again in 21 states. but apparently for the governor of florida, that sounds like party time. >> the orlando sent nell reports coronavirus infections in florida topped 700,000 as the state reopens businesses. the governor lifted all restrictions on restaurants, bars, clubs and other businesses in the state on friday in a move to reopen the economy.

under the order, local leaders cannot fine people for failing to wear a mask in public. florida is third in the nation for covid 19 inflections. governor ron desantis said he's willing to consider a college bill of rights so college students can socialize and participate in activities without worrying about getting thrown out of school. the announcement wiz made after florida said it would suspend any student who attends large gatherings on or off campus is that ron desantis is not messing around. while other states are gingerly trying to figure out how to safely open around coronavirus, this guy declared florida ain't gawrnting for shit! in a weird way i get where he's coming from, guys. there are times i just want to say, forget the masks, forget being said, i miss being coughed on by strangers in the subway. but then i remember people are

still die from coronavirus all the time and brings me back to my senses. if you ignore the people dying, it's a party, baby! if you remember, you're sad. but if you don't remember, i know -- i know some of you will say is it really a good idea for the state with the most deaths over the past week to say no masks, no restrictions, no nothing? guys, when has florida ever been about good ideas? this is the state that legally defined tank tops as black tie. good ideas is not their thing. i will say even for florida, i'm surprised they think a pandemic is time to fight for college kids' right to do a keg stand. if there was ever a college game that seemed like it was invented by coronavirus, it would be keg stand. crazy idea, but what if we took turns on putting our mouths on the same tap over and over again, fun, right? moving on, there are just 36 days until the election which

means liberals have 35 days to learn how to use a gun, you bitch asses! your npr subscriptions won't help you when there's a civil war! checking on the race in another edition of votegasm 2020. throughout this race, both candidates have been picking up key endorsements. gobbled has gotten endorsements from bernie sanders, cindy mccain and crest white strips, while president trump has been endorsed by police unions, franklin graham and covid 19. if i'm honest, i don't know how much endorsements sway potential voters at this stage of the race, but yesterday joe biden got a major endorsement that raced more than a few people's eyebrows. >> dwayne the rock johnson is throwing his weight behind vice presidential canned joe biden. >> as a registered independent for years with centrist ideologies, i feel that

vice president biden and senator harris are the best choice to lead our country and i am endorsing them to become president and vice president of our united states. >> trevor: can you smell what the rock is cooking?! if you can't smell it that's one to have the symptoms of coronavirus. probably should go get it checked out. guys, this could be massive! every franchise the rock gets involved in is a huge success, so i think biden is looking at at least nine terms as president. plus not only is the rock the world's biggest movie star, he also has the skills to drive joe biden across the canadian border when trump tries to throw him in jail. honestly, if you can me, this is good news for biden and trump because the rock could have announced he's running for president and would have won the whole thing. i know some conservative are angry are, like, why the hell would i take political advice for someone who's been in the wwe, and i totally get that, you

elected one of them to run the country and look where that got us. the big moment everyone is waiting for is happening tomorrow night when joe biden and donald trump will face off for their first presidential debate. in normal campaigns candidates prepare by research tirk shoes and doing mock debates. but if donald trump gets his way, this debate prep might involve peeing in a cup. >> the president is demanding biden take a drug test suggesting biden used performance enhas drugs during his debates. >> do you believe joe biden would be on performance enhancing drugs in the debates or are you joking. >> no, not joking. i'm willing to take a test, edges he should do. >> in words, if the president thinks his best case is made in urine, he can have at it. >> trevor: please, people! can we go one election without

talking about trump's dick? yes, of course joe biden is taking drugs, so is trump. they're very old men. they both leave cvs with wheel barrels full of pills just to stay standing. but i don't know what trump was taking about. what drug ever made a person sound more in touch with the challenges america faces? i must have missed the scene in scar face where tony comes out with his face dusted in coke going, okay, i'm reloaded and i'll introduce sound fiscal policy to social security to you! if there was a performance enhancing drugt that makes someone better at beingup, i want the president taking that drug! wouldn't you? in fact, everyone in government should taket that drug. wouldn't it be great if every person at the d.m.v. was operating at obama level? actually i take that back. obama at the d.m.v. would be a nightmare. by the time you get your licensed, time to get it renewed. the form you wanted to fill out was actually, uuuuuhhhh -- if

i'm perfectly honest with you, i'm surprised that, in america, of all the people forced to take drug tests the president isn't one of them. because if you got to take a drug test to be a cashier at t.j. maxx, you should damn well have to do it before you get the code to the nukes. we'll have to take a break. when we come back, we'll tell you why you probably are paying for taxes than the president of the united states. don'

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president trump paid just $750 in federal income taxes the year he won the white house, and the same amount in his first year in office. on top of that, the paper says, of the 18 years they examined, he paid no federal income tax in 11 of them. >> trevor: whoa! hold on, hold on, the president of the country almost never pays taxes? and when he does, he only pays $750? yo! that shit pisses me off! because trump is always out there, like, we're building back our military -- we? no, mother (~bleep ), we're building back the military, you didn't pay for shit.

if you didn't chip in, you don't get to put your name on the card. for those keeping score, trump paid $750 in taxes and $130,000 to a porn star, which means if the i.r.s. wants to get money from trump, you guys know what you gotta do. this story didn't expose just how little trump paid in taxes over the years, it also revealed accounting tricks he used to do it. >> the paper accuses president and companies of claiming questionable deductions. >> among the writeoffs trump has taken are more than $70,000 for haircuts while on the apprentice, nearly $90,000 for ivanka's favorite hair an makeup artist, and approximately $200 million for trump's legal defense for the russian inquiry. he wrote off 10 109 linens and simple ware. >> $26 million in unexplained consulling fees. >> "times" finding ivanka trump

was the recipient of some of the payments which would raise flags because she was also an employee of the trump organization. >> trevor: you're not supposed to pay an employee a consulting feet. for trump, the cruel irony the payment to one woman who could get him in legal trouble is the one he can't sleep with. the craziest thing, he took a $70,000 deduction on his hair because to me now it looks like two crimes might have been committed here, one is trump's tax evasion and woo is who swindled trump into paying $70,000 for what they did to him. on the other hand, $70,000 for trump's hair might actually make sense because whoever did that needed to bend the law of physics, and i'm pretty sure that ain't cheap. if you ask me the worst part of the story for donald trump isn't that he got out of paying taxes because, let's be honest, lots of billionaires do that. billionaires paying their fair shares of taxes is like someone going to a pumpkin patch and not

instagraming it. it doesn't happen. what the story exposes isn't just that trump is bad at paying taxes, he's even worse at business. >> the investigation paints a picture of a business man whose empire is seriously struggling. according to the "times," most to have the president's core businesses including his golf courses and hotel just blocks from the white house report losing millions if not tens of millions year after year. the times says documents show the president reported more than $47 million in losses in 2018 alone and he faces a personal debt totaling $421 million, money that could come due while he's in office if he's elected to a second term. >> trevor: okay, can i just say, if you decided to lend $400 million to donald trump, that's on you. yeah, i hope he doesn't pay you back because you are the one person on earth worse with money than he is. but just take a second to think about what all this means. if donald trump does win a second term his creditors will come asking for their

$400 million while he is still president. and i don't know about you but that has me worried because i don't want the president's decision force the country getting influenced by his deep financial troubles. and also because there's a good chance trump is going to pay off his debt by selling off american treasures -- how much will you give me for the grand canyon? it's a priceless gesture for nature's majesty. i'll let you have it for 400 bucks. $350, deal. i have to say, guys, after reading this story in the "new york times" and learning this about trump, everything makes so much sense now. like this tax story is the rosetteta stone that helps us figure everything out. trump doesn't actually want to beup. he just really needs the secret service protection. if i had $400 million in loans coming through, i would also want to cancel the election. also explain why melania is not leaving trump. if she divorces him she gets half of the $400 million in

debt. i get why trump is rooting for bernie sanders, he wanted him to win so the government would bail him out. explains why trump has been destroying the post office, good luck collecting your money when you can't mail him a bill. either way, people, america's president is in business trouble. he has a mountain of debt and his businesses are failing which is why africans have come together to try and help out those most in need. >> hello. i am here with a message for my fellow africans. over the years, america has given us so much help, but now there is an american who needs our help. the president of the united states is in deep debt. he is so poor, he has to eat out of buckets. he cannot afford to educate his children, and now they are so stupid. and every day, he struggles to

drink water. but for just the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can help the president go from being in enormous debt to being in just a lot of debt. and if you donate today, you will get a personal let tear from the president. but please hurry. he is to malnourished, he has begun to slur his words. >> god bless thenated shtates. thank you very much. >> remember, you can help an american president in need. without your help, he could soon be living in a shithole. >> trevor: so touching. we have to take a quick break. when we come back, roy wood, jr. is ♪ ♪ ♪

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keebler® - made with magic, loved by families™. show. it's been two years since florida passed a referendum to restore voting rights to citizens returning from prison, but the battle is still far from over. roy wood, jr. has more. >> florida, it gets a bad rap for crazy senior citizens, crystal meth, gator attacks, toxic algae, mar-a-lagos, and lightning strikes and sinkholes. also getting a name for giving ex-felons their voting rights back. >> except murderers and sexual offenders. >> it was one of the many amendments on the ballot, amendment 4. >> desmond is the director of the florida rights restoration commission that helped pass amendment 4. 1.4 million people back voting, bam! mission accomplished, good job, bro! unfortunately, it's not that

simple. we had legislators in florida mandated the payment of fines and fees before they're able to register to vote. >> i see why florida is shaped like a dick because they're always trying to (~bleep ) you over. that's right, the republican-controlled legislature swooped in to ruin the party by making reenfranchised voters pay for the right to vote. why, you ask? >> laws these politicians put in place adversely impact people who are poor and minority communities. >> basically this bill affects black democrats. >> this law affects people from all walks of life, from all political speer situations and at the end of the day we live in states where presidential elections have been decide bid less than 600 votes. we have one week left to raise sufficient money to allow a significant number of returning citizens to be able to participate in this election. >> so this effort is entirely nonpartisan and not aimed at

helping poor black people? i didn't believe desmond. then i met gary. >> man, let me tell you, if it wasn't for the coalition, you know, it would be very difficult for me to do that and be able vote in november. i think it's very important for everybody out there and with that record to move on. forget about your past and try to improve your life from there on out. when i was 60 years old, put myself through college. if i can do it, they can do it. >> well, that's great. so now you can get out there and vote for the democratic nominee joe biden. >> i'm voting for trump. >> i'm sorry. you say what? >> i'm voting for trump. >> hang on a second, man. there's a connection. you're breaking up. who you say you're voting for? >> i'm voting for donald trump. >> and it's not just gary. his wife erika is on the trump train, too. >> i voted for trump in 2016, and i will vote for trump in 2020. >> well, thank goodness you can

vote for a republican in spite of republicans trying to block you from voting for a republican. >> absolutely. >> amen. >> right on. >> but a disproportionate of those who get to vote again are black. don't you think the law mandating fines and fees is a little racist? >> i don't believe that at all. >> can i answer that? >> absolutely. >> i say no! you want to know why? all lives matter. we all believe the same. we're all children of god. ♪ ♪ >> if the people we're fighting for were to stop voter suppression decided to vote for the guys doing the suppressing, how are we ever going to fix this country? >> roy! >> who the hell is that? >> it's me, john legend. >> john legend? how the he'llel you get in my zoom? >> i'm talking to you through the power of music.

>> uh, okay. anyway, listen, john, how do we save democracy if the people who get the right to vote back are voting for the same people suppressing their right to vote. >> we have to learn voting isn't a privilege for a select virtuous few, it's a right for every american citizen, no matter if they messed up in life, they deserve the right to vote. >> but john we only have a week left to register people, not to mention the hundreds of millions in fines left to pay. this is impossible, man! >> we cannot give up. this election is too important. i need everybody out there -- ♪ you have to donate, please ♪ to pay the fine and fees ♪ save, save, save, save ♪ yeah, yeah ♪ , oh, oh >> zoom sing along do not work, roy, we are off beat.

>> is 41 too old to learn the piano. >> yes, give it on your dreams. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> award winner john legend had me convinced, we can still make a difference by helping returning citizens register to vote. even gary. yes. gary. >> our best friends are black. do you know gary sung at their wedding? >> man, i was the only cracker there. >> gary, i'm happy that you had your right to vote restored, and i hope you execute that right to vote at the polls on november 12th. >> is it november 3rd? >> i promise you it's the 12t 12th. >> trevor: thank you so much for that, roy. we're going to take a quick break. don't go away. up next, i'll be talking to the woman who taught us all about chimpanzees. dr. jane goodall is on the show.

so earlier today, i spoke with world-renowned animal behavior expert and conservationist dr. jane goodall. we talked about her legendary work with chips chimpanzees, thf

climate change. welcome to "the daily social distancing show. >> thank you for invite meg. >> trevor: you are somebody who has been in the heart and minds of so many people across the globe, you have been studying our primate cousins for six decades now. arguably, we know more about the world of primates because of you than we ever would have had you not gotten involved. have we learned everything there is to know about our primate cousins? >> i don't think so. i mean, after 60 years, we're still learning new things about the chimpanzee community, and especially we're now entering the fourth generation. you know they can live to be about 60 years old. but we've studied them all this time. you know, you can see the skt of different kinds of mothering. you can look at -- now we can detect the fathers by doing dna analysis from their fecal samples, so we can say, well, does the paternity have any

influence on the personality of the child? all questions like this are absolutely fascinating. >> trevor: i've always wanted to know how did jane goodall at 26 years old decide i'm going to go study chimpanzee and what makes them tick and who they are. >> well, it actually all began when i was ten years old, growing up in england, growing up in the days before tv and computers and cell phones, spending time outside. then when i was ten, i went to tarzan of the apes, and i decided i'm going to grow up and live in africa and live with wild animals and write books about them. everybody laughed. world war ii is raging, you don't have any money and you're just a girl. and my mother, my amazing mother is right here behind me, and she said if you want something you will have to work really hard to take advantage of every opportunity and if you don't give up maybe you will find a

way. that's the message i take to young people around the world, particularly in disadvantaged communities. >> we seem to be the only species that at an alarming rate destroys our environment. you know, we don't see any other animals doing this. we see a natural balance in nature. we see an understanding of one thing affecting the other. but it feels like more and more -- and you discussed this from the perspective of an animal, you know, researcher. habitats are being destroyed. the world is changing. do you see those effects within the chimpanzee communities that you so often frequent? >> well, no, but you know something? i think if they developed an intellect along the lines of ours, they would probably do exactly the same, and i feel that what we're doing to destroy the planet is because we can do it. >> trevor: oh, wow. >> we got ourselves into this situation where we can cut down a forest just like that

( snaps fingers ) and what's the result of it? well, we basically brought a pandemic on ourselves and we basically brought about the climate crisis. we've done that, and it's high time that we step back and say, gosh, do we care about the future of our children? do we care about the health of the planet? because we're a part of this natural world, not separated from it. >> trevor: you have become even more famous over the past few years, not just for your research and your work but also as being an outspoken climate change activist. over the past few months, in fact, we've seen your social media explode with people engaging with you and connecting with you and you really have become one of the loudest voices calling for change when it comes to our fight to stop the climate from getting warmer. what do you think people don't understand in the conversation? >> i think people are burying

their heads in the sand. i think, you know, even climate change deniers have begun to say, well, yes, the climate is changing. you cannot deny the fact that temperatures are hotter. you can't deny the fact of these terrible fires raging in so many parts of the world, you can't deny that the ice is melting, and you see the ice on the tops of the mountains disappearing, the snow, and you can't deny the drought. so, yes, but there are still some people who say, yes, yes, but that's just natural. it's nothing to do with us. well, those are people who refuse to listen to the scientists, because the scientists ar have proven the levels of carbon dioxide, the greenhouse gas, have risen exponentially and never seen across the whole course of evolution. so what do we say to them?

i don't know, if they refuse to believe it. but young people are beginning to understand that it's our fault. but, you know, there's a tendency now for people to lose hope because some scientists are saying we've reached the tipping point, there's nothing we can do. that i refuse to believe in. but we have a window of time that, if we get together, we can at least start to heal some of the harm we've inflicted. >> trevor: what would you say to a young person who lost hope and wants to change the world but feels like they cannot. >> this is why i started the roots and chutes because i was meeting people who said you've compromised our future and there's nothing we can do about it. i said, no, you're wrong. the main message is every single day we live, we make some impact on the planet. we get to choose what sort of impact we make, what do we buy,

where did it come from? did it harm the environment? was it cruel to animals? we can choose. however, those living in deep poverty and there are so many of them, they can't choose, they're going to destroy the last trees to try to grow food to feed their families or feed the last fish, they're going to buy the cheapest junk food because they have to survive, so changing the gap between the haves and the have not, alleviating poverty, thinking about our environmental footprint, each one of us, these are the things that matter now. everybody can get involved in it. if you roll up your sleeves and you say, well, i can't change the world, but i can clean this stream, and then that stream water will run clean into the river, and there are many other people cleaning streams and the river is getting cleaner and cleaner and eventually water into the ocean. and then you know that all around the world there are people tackling the same things that you care about.

then the cumulative effect of individual action starts to hit you, and then you feel hopeful. it's when you take action that you leave this feeling of despair and helplessness. >> trevor: i hope as many people take action as possible, i thank you for changing not just my life but i think the lives of many, many millions of people around the world. dr. jane, thank you so much for joining me on the show. >> well, thank you. and you're doing exactly the same, trevor. so shake on it ( laughter ) >> trevor: thank you so much. thank you so much again for that, dr. jane. all right, we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back aftervor: all right, peopl. that's our show for tonight. but before we go, as you saw on the show earlier tonight, thousands of formerly incarcerated people in florida are being kept from the polls due to a modern day poll tax that requires them to pay off fines to the state. these returning citizens are disproportionately people of color, with more than a third being black.

but you can do something now to help returning citizens in florida vote this year, please go to the website below to donate to florida rights restoration coalition to pay off those fines. every dollar counts and will help a formerly incarcerated person vote this year. until tomorrow -- stay safe out -- a quick reminder, tomorrow is the first presidential debate. keep an eye on our social media feeds where we'll cover it live as it happens. until tomorrow -- stay safe out there, wear a mask, and remember, the irs never forgets. now, here it is -- your moment of zen. ♪ ♪ >> um, how long is this casual sex going to last? you're saying no social distancing needed in established relationships. what about people not in an established relationship? why am i whispering? i don't know. >> i don't know. you're live on national tv. the -- look -- >> established relationship, does that mean if i say i love

you, are you in an established relationship then? i don't know. >> i think we should stick to the letter of it, which is that it's okay in an established relationship. >> what's that mean to you? i know what it means to you and mrs. hancock -- >> that's exactly how i was going to answer. i know i'm in an established relationship. >> okay. captioning made possible by comedy central - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪