tv The Daily Show With Trevor Noah Comedy Central October 16, 2020 1:15am-2:00am PDT
1:15 am
started doing this show from my apartment, and i'm not going to lie -- i did not think we would still be here in october. aaahhh! i hope somebody's been going to office to water my puppy. sad truth is, the global pandemic is not only still with us but in many places are getting worse. cases are rising so fast in europe paris imposed a curfew from 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m., which means frenchmen will have no time to see their secret families. things aren't looking at that great in america either where we're seeing the start of a third wave which is really concerning. you never want to shout corona would be at the next board meeting. could we stop calling it a wave? that sounds relaxing. doesn't sound severe enough. how about a third tsunami,
1:16 am
monsoon, bitch slap of corona? on a hopeful note, it is good to remember that it's not the size of the wave that matters but it's the motion of the -- what? oh, the size does matter. oh, so the motion doesn't -- doesn't affect it at all? is we're screwed. while things are starting to get worse again, the crazy thing is the trump administration is pretending that the crisis is over. not only is the superspreader in chief running around the country breathing on everyone in a maga hat, but rudy giuliani trump's top lawyer and white house halloween decoration told a rally the other day that "people don't die of this disease anymore," which is easy for him to say. he's been dead twelve years. none of this is surprising. trump and his people have been in denial about this virus from the beginning, or at least in public. because now we're finding out that while the rest of us are still performing for a normal
1:17 am
year of movies and haircuts, trump's rich friends were getting a heads up about what is really about starting to happen. >> the "new york times" is reporting tas virus was first started spreading last winter the white house briefsive briefings on the potential impact of the pandemic fueled a selloff among the wealthy. the president's aides appear to be giving wealthy party donors an early warning of a potentially impactful contagion at a time when president trump was publicly insisting the threat was not existent. elite traders had access from the administration that helped them gain financial advantage during a chaotic three days when global markets were teetering. >> trevor: wow. that is really disgusting. and it just goes to show you that if you want the real scoop on what's really going on, you have to pay attention to what wreath billionaires are doing. if the government says
1:18 am
everything is fine but everyone on wall street builds spaceships, you might need to get your ass to another planet. now i know some of you might think this is unfair -- oh, the billionaires got information everyone else could have used as well -- but, guys, clearly you don't understand trickle down economics. you see, the wealthiest 1%, they get preferential treatment, and then the rest of america gets valuable jobs, in the nursing and grave digging industries. this system works. now, with three weeks to go until election day and millions of votes already cast, coronavirus remains the top issue for america. and any normal president would be laser focused on getting corona under control, helping businesses stay afloat, keeping schools open. but donald trump is not a normal president. so instead, he's focusing on this -- >> with weeks until the election and trailing in the polls, president trump seized on a report in the "new york post"
1:19 am
published wednesday claiming files and e-mails were taken from a laptop that allegedly previous belonged to hunter biden. the report alleges that the former vice president used his position to advance his son's business interests in ukraine and that both bidens were not truth about that relationship. the story's sourcing has also raised questions about its authenticity as the files were give on the "post" through an attorney for the president's personal lawyer rudy giuliani. >> twitter and facebook have limited the distribution of that hunter biden story and last night twitter appeared to suspend the twitter account of white house press secretary kayleigh mcenany when she tried to share that story. >> trevor: damn you know a story is shady when facebook is saying whoa, whoa, whoa, maybe people shouldn't see this. because usually people are posting how vaccines did 9/11 and facebook is, like, okay, wait, let's hear them out. tell me more. it's insane trump's people are even going after biden by targeting his son.
1:20 am
if these were my sons, i would maintain a strict kids are off limits policy. look at them. they always look like they've don some shit wrong. this should go without saying, but, obviously, people should be skeptical of anything where rudy giuliani is the source. just as a rule in life, never trust a man who dine add dashed on his dentist halfway through the job. you just don't trust those people. i'm not surprised rudy giuliani is trying to come up with something before the election. i get it. what i am disappointed by is that the trump campaign is using the same story. really? hacked russian e-mails again? you're going to reuse the same october surprises last election? it's called an october surprise! not an october, hey,noy this one! it's not a surprise if we can see it coming. a surprise has to be a -- surprise! but i've got to say, i don't think this plan to get people caring about the burisma scandal
1:21 am
is going to work because who even knows what burisma is. trump himself can't even pronounce it. >> eight month after his alleged meeting with -- the burmeesa executives, so these burmesia -- they say, pronounce it bureesia, a real beautiful company -- >> trevor: oh, man, that was baifnl to watch. that was like watching trump's mouth trying to walk down a ramp. i mean, how does trump not know how to say burisma, when that's all he's talked about for years? this should concern people. if tony the tiger was like, frosted flakes, they're grunk! you would be, like, i hope this guy's brain is okay, you okay, tony in yeah, i'm grooot! after trump mispronounced a word he tells everybody that's how
1:22 am
you're supposed to pronounce it which is the oldest playground play in the book. i totally meant to do that. really? you wanted your opinion pants to split open? yeah, that's how they say you do it on the internet. enjoy while you can, people, because donald trump is the michael jordan of mispronouncing words. we're going to have to wait a whole other generation to get someone messing up words at this level. even then, i still think trump will be the greatest of all time. i will be that old dude in the barbershop, yeah, this youngblood mispronounces shit all right but donald trump invented not making since. watch him say burisma. you ain't never seen anybody mispronounce burisma like that. while we've heard trump talk about burisma and hunter biden a million times before, he's still look for material. he seems to have stumbled on a previously unreported issue that
1:23 am
might blow the leks open. >> president trump is leaning into another fake conspiracy theory to discredit former president barack obama. "the washington post" says president trump used his twitter account to say osama bin laden wasn't killed by u.s. special forces in 2011. >> president trump says the administration killed osama bin laden's double not the terrorist leader in the raid. >> the post says the president retweeted the allegation the obama administration deliberately shot down a helicopter with u.s. navy seals as a part of an elaborate coverup. >> trevor: this is what i'm talking about! none of this boring shit with hunter biden's email and burisma. president obama killed a osama bin laden body double and seal team to cover it up and kept it quiet eight years? if that's true, i'm impressed
1:24 am
because that sounds way harder to pull off than killing bin laden. the best part of the conspiracy is that at some point obama had to hold auditions for a bin laden body double to kill. thank you for giving me this part! so is this for a tv series? actually it's a one time thing. i also notice there's no script. yeah, we're just going to shoot a little bit. we'll just shoot something, see what happens. i'll also say if trump loses this election twitter should hire him because they can find out what conspiracy to suspend based on what he retweets. wow this tweet says obama started covid to destruct us from his wedding. obama has a real decision to make in this election. i know coronavirus killed 215,000 people and is killing more every day. but just imagine how many
1:25 am
americans could be killed once osama bin laden teams up with hunter biden and burmamia. i think the choice is cheer. time to take a quick break. don't go away. after the break i'll be chatting to governor cuomo and he'll tell us what to get ready for if you're in new york. stick around >> it's great, it's science. important. >> one thing with me, the nice part, i went through it, now they say i'm immune. maybe i'm immune. i don't know. it's particles of dust. tiny stuff. remember, when you catch it, you get better and then you're immune. the word immunity means something, having really a protective glow. i'm immune, i could come down and start kissing everybody. i'm immune i don't know for maybe a long time, a short time, it woul could be a life time. >> is it a life time or less than that?
1:26 am
1:29 am
1:31 am
new yorkers have ever seen, figuring out how to fight the coronavirus. i think the question i have for you is how are you doing and, from your perspective, how is new york doing? >> i'm doing much better than i was doing. i think we're all doing better than we were doing. and, look, it was frightening. there's no other word besides that. you know, we were right up on the edge. i think we were closer to the edge, trevor, than a lot of people realized. new yorkers, god bless them, went from the highest infection rate in the united states to the lowest. and that was all new yorkers. that was all social action. you want to talk about social action, that was it. and we're much smarter for it, and we now do more testing than any state in the united states, and we are looking at this, trevor, on a microlevel that,
1:32 am
frankly, no other state is analyzing this situation. we're tracking this virus on like a neighborhood level now and attacking it on a neighborhood level to make sure that we stay ahead of it. >> trevor: well, let's talk a little bit about that because, you know, we have seen, throughout the country, that any part of the government that seems to be fighting to prevent the spread of covid 19 invariably clashes up against some people or some communities who feel like their rights are being infringed upon. you're currently in a dispute with the orthodox jewish community in new york where some of them have said we can't go to our church services, we can't practice our religion and we feel like we're being targeted by the state. i know you've disagreed with that, but what exactly is going on there and as a leader how do you convince people that you're trying to do something for their good even though they feel they don't want that for themselves. >> that's been the question from day one and it's become the political divide from day one.
1:33 am
that's i'll wear a mask, i won't wear a mask, right? the mask has become the symbol of that. there's a school of thought that says this is not the problem you make it out to be, i'mt not worried, i'm not going to succumb to this and i don't want government telling me what i can do or telling me what i can't do, right. there's a very real school of thought there. the alternative school is this is real, it can kill you, and what you do affects me, and it's not about just you and life anymore. there is community, there is interconnection, there is responsibility to other people, and we have to act intelligently to protect ourselves. i now have a situation specifically where, when you do this -- all the testing, we can test -- we can target down
1:34 am
literally through the block level where the cases are coming from and we have identified several small communities, and that happens to be an ultra orthodox jewish community that has not been following the rules for cultural reasons, religious reasons, and they have five times the infection rate that the state has. and we've imposed restrictions, and it's not comfortable and, especially when you get involved in religious tensions, but it has nothing to do with religion. it's a public health law and i apply it all across the board equally. i've had issues with fancy fundraisers in the hamptons, i've had issues with sweet 16 parties, with catholic gatherings, jewish gatherings, but it's the same tension,
1:35 am
people just deny the virus and they don't want government telling them what to do in any manner, shape or form, period. >> trevor: your book has come at a time when you have been looking back and even processing the present of what's going on. you've led people and people appreciated your tone and tenor, people appreciated, i guess, your being vulnerable with them, your being forth coming with them. but there are some people who would say, oh, but governor cuomo, is this the time to celebrate with a book? is what are you trying to achieve? >> i see the book as a cushion sign. i think, trevor, we're at half time at best in this game, and i'm trying to say let's look at the first half and let's look at what happened because we have to play a whole second half. >> trevor: right. >> and we scrambled in the first half. we didn't win, but we didn't lose either, right. but we have a whole second half.
1:36 am
the fall is coming, they told us the fall was coming, they said thefection rate was going to go up in the fall. this virus is not done with us, and these -- this attitude of complacency or the fatigue, covid fatigue, i'm tired of dealing with the virus, the virus isn't tired of dealing with you, and it's alive and it's well and it's spreading and, more than anything, trevor, inform yourself. you know who's going to keep you safe? you're going to keep yourself safe. you have all this political noise, all this political chaos. just know the facts, get the information so you can keep yourself safe. and that's what the book is trying to do. it's trying to spur a factual conversation about how we get through this. >> trevor: don't go away because when we come back we'll have more of my interview with
1:37 am
governor cuomo. celebrating halloween? well, if you're celebrating by eating reese's. then no, you're actually late. not sorry, reese's. this is an ad for a chip we don't need a logo. it's the three-sided crunch. you know, that cheesy, spicy, crispy-crunchy, flavor packed bodega snack that rhymes with. i need those. an ad with no logo? it's another level.
1:38 am
1:39 am
♪so i'ma light it up like dynamite♪ ♪'cause, ah-ah,♪ ♪shining through the city with a little funk and soul♪ ♪i'ma light it up like dynamite, whoa♪ metro has the best deal in wireless. so whatever your goal, however you hustle, metro has you covered, so you can rule your day. get unlimited data with 5g access included for just $35 a line. all on america's largest 5g network at no extra charge. and right now, get the latest 5g phones for less than 100 bucks when you switch. that's the best deal in wireless. metro. empowering you to rule your day. been there, done that. twice your cousin. from boston. karen, i'm just gonna say what everyone here is thinking. you look smokin. total smokeshow. and they never did find his finger.
1:40 am
they had to close the pool for like an hour. ♪ i brought a date. name's sam. dig in. love is like boston lager. rich, complex and it's over too soon. right, chrissy? oh my god. ♪ you can get half off your second sandwich by using promo code "saveon2." greg booked another 7am meeting? wizards! wizard status! perfect for you, and your new co-worker. just use "saveon2," online or on our app. "the daily social distancing show. here's more of my conversation with new york governor andrew cuomo. as governor cuomo, one thing people always loved about you and still do, you go the buck stops with me and i'm a leader. some people feel like, in the book, it seems like you are telling us about the problems that this happened at nursing homes, hospitals, here, but didn't feel like the buck was stopping with you. when you look at that as a leader and you go, ha, we've got
1:41 am
another wave coming up, things might get wrors, that are some of the things you would do differently? what are the mistakes you acknowledge that you say we're going to do this a lot better next time? >> for me, look, i say hold me responsible. nobody hold me more responsible than i hold myself. it doesn't matter, you know, how distanced i am from it. i believe, when you sit in the seat, you are responsible, you know, and i take total responsibility, and a big part of that book is about this is what happened, let's learn from it. when i look at that game tape and i see how the game progressed, i go through every play of how i could have done it differently. you know, in the very beginning, the federal government said that they were in charge of testing and they were doing the testing and it was taking a long time, i should have said forget it, i
1:42 am
don't care what you say, the state should have started the testing earlier. we got ambushed by the virus. we had no idea it was coming from europe. it had been coming from europe for three months, and everybody missed it. but that put new york in the hole. they kept calling it the china virus. it wasn't the china virus. it was the italy virus and the france virus and the spain virus that came here from europe. they said there was no such thing as asymptomatic spread. >> trevor: right. >> they said that you only spread it when you had symptoms -- you had a cough, a sneeze, et cetera -- that was all wrong. it turned out that you could spread it even without symptoms, and that the how it got into nourseing homes. the staff were walking into the nursing homes in february and march, no symptoms, but they were carrying the virus, and nobody -- >> trevor: well, how do you
1:43 am
respond -- you're a compassionate person, that's who you are as governor cuomo. when you talk to families who say, but, governor cuomo, why did you force nursing homes to take these people in? how do you speak to them? how do you console them whilst also reconciling with your actions based on information you had or didn't have? >> yeah. the -- it's a good question. and you're right, part of it is you can only deal with the facts that you had at that time. they told me that i was informed by all the experts that you had to have symptoms, and that's -- they were wrong, but i based on incorrect information. the unfortunate thing is, trevor, there's then a heavy dose of politics that is injected into this. the states that happened to have the highest number of covid cases tend to be democratic states, so you have this whole republican disinformation campaign. we never forced anyone into a
1:44 am
nursing home. we never forced a nursing home to accept anyone, that is just not a fact. and, yes, there are a lot of -- >> trevor: well, the order -- i mean, look, we are now in a moment of respite, so, going forward, are there ways to clarify the messaging? because the nursing homes thought they did have to take the people, you know, so that is a tough place to be in. >> yeah, and the truth is, look, we have -- we're still losing people in nursing homes. part of it is never going to change because this virus preys on the weak and the ol'. >> trevor: right. >> and we still lose people in nursing homes. we now have the strictest guidelines in the country. all staff members for a nursing home get tested once per week, and nobody else tests every worker once a week. having said that, it's still not a bulletproof plan because even if you get tested once a week,
1:45 am
you can get the virus in between tests and show up for work the next day, no symptoms, you don't feel anything, and you can bring the virus into the nursing home. it is an imperfect -- whatever we do is going to be imperfect. it's really an impossible, impossible situation. once the virus makes it to this country, you're in trouble. and that's one of the lessons that i focus on. we knew -- we knew that these viruses were developing. we had mers, we had sars, we had ebola, we had dengue. we knew viruses from animals to human beings, we knew they were coming out of markets in china, that's been happening for 20 years. how did we let our guard down as a nation where we just let it happen again, we had no notice, all these agencies that are supposed to be international
1:46 am
global health watchdogs, but once that virus is in your house, once it's in your country, it's virtually impossible to stop the interaction. >> trevor: now more than ever, new yorkers are going to be looking to you to say, governor, what is the plan going into the winter, what is the plan going into the time when the numbers might go up again? and i know as a new yorker, i have been hearing a lot of people concerned because, you know, maybe mayo mayor deblasios one thing and you say a different thing for clarity's sake. what is the plan going forward and what do you think new yorkers need to focus on considering covid fatigue and all the issues we're dealing with? >> yeah, on the first point, it's important people get clear information and they know who to listen to. and, look, politics, a lot of people have a lot of different opinions, covid, a lot of people have a lot of different opinions, and you have mayors and county executives who say one thing, there's a lot of politicians in new york.
1:47 am
first point is the state is in charge. you can have an opinion, trevor, about what should open, what should not open, but, frankly, it's irrelevant. the state makes the law and the state makes the policy, and that's the way it is. the law says we make the policy for the entire state. going forward, the fall, we do have to be very careful. our infection rate statewide is very low. still one of the lowest, thank god. about 1%. we are doing this obsessive testing that gets us into these neighborhood clusters, and we then attack these neighborhood clusters like firefighters stamping out embers, and that's what we're doing in some of the ultra orthodox communities, fundraisers in the hamptons, bars, restaurants, et cetera. one bad situation, one bad party
1:48 am
can create 30 or 40 cases, right? >> trevor: wow. >> that's going to continue. and then we have to move to the next stage, which is the vaccine. this is not over until there's a vaccine. we have a letter to president trump, i'm head of something called the -- i'm the chairman of the national governor's association. >> trevor: right. >> vaccine, first ou you have to develop the vaccine, then americans have to believe it's safe, then you have to administer it, and how do you administer 20 million vaccinations in this state? who's going to do that? how long does it take? this is a massive logistical exercise that we have never done, and i want to know now from the white house who is going to do what on this vaccination program, and what is the federal role, what is the
1:49 am
state role, and let's talk this through and let's understand it and let's not have the same chaos that we had in the beginning. >> trevor: before i let you go, and i appreciate your time today, observe a personal level, again, i just wanted to touch base with you as a human being. i last remember you being single, and now the weather is changing, which means it's going to be a lot harder to go out for a date because you can't be inside with strangers. have you taken the time to just at least, you know, have a socially distant meal with anybody just in life? did you take the time? i know you were very busy, so i just wonder if you've taken the time to do that for yourself? >> trevor, on a human level, on a social level, nobody wants to have dinner with me. ( laughter ) i have no offers. >> trevor: you get us through the second or third wave, and i'm telling you a lot of those offers will come rolling in. governor cuomo, thank you so much again for your time. >> thank you, thank you trevor. >> trevor: i really appreciate
1:50 am
1:51 am
1:52 am
people during the pandemic and what it's like to be a cultural icon for conservatives. check it out. welcome, nick offerman, welcome to "the daily social distancing show. >> thank you, trevor. i have been watching you and i'm so grateful to see you. >> good to see you still as a human being functioning and enjoying yourself. i see the beard is coming alive, you're enjoying it. how is quarantining treating you? >> well, we're hanging in there, you know. we're lucky enough to have our rent paid and, so, megan has become an incredible chef. that's the headline. and i'm working on a new book, actually. so i'm grateful to have something to do to keep me occupied so that i don't become any more of a drunk. ( laughter ) >> trevor: nick, you've played one of the most beloved characters on tv in "parks and recreation," ron swanson.
1:53 am
is it ever weird for you that people use your face and your character as a conservative and a far right sometimes icon where people go, like, yeah! this is our dude! and you're like, no, no, no, no, i'm very much not your dude. is that ever strange for you? >> it's very strange. i mean, it's a good problem to have. it means that, you know, that character is ubiquitous enough that people can say, like, i claim this icon for my own. >> trevor: right. >> and, you know, ron himself and the conundrum you're talking about are part of what's wrong with our society is everyone is that complicated. you can be someone who loves hunting and is really into gun rights for that reason, but is it necessarily a freaky assault rifle second amendment person? >> trevor: yeah, i always say that about american politics is they make it seem like there is
1:54 am
one or zero only, it's just binary, because you have two parties that have to be everything, but people are more nuanced than anyone gives people credit for. >> everything lacks nuance because of our attention span and the amount of character we're allowed on twitter and so forth. that's what "all rise" is about. it's saying we're all (bleep) idiots. we always start there, you know, with all the hearings going on right now, it's, like, do you somehow think those guys were less of jackasses than we are? they weren't. we're all human beings trying to, like, not shit ourselves every day. >> trevor: the show is you pretty much sharing your views on everything, toxic masculinity, just mundane things that happen in life, relationships, men, women, food, you're just talking about everything in the special. why did you shoot to release it
1:55 am
now? >> well, i was supposed to be touring it right now, you know. that's one of the jobs i love to do is travel around and perform it for people in theaters. it's my favorite way to deliver that particular brand of medicine, and since we can't get together in theaters, i was very grateful that actually my book publisher said let's put this out as an audio book original, like a collection of essays. >> trevor: right. >> for me, being involved in the arts is about, you know, chasing human rights, basically, and some of us do it with drama, some with comedy. i do it by slow talking and then singing, like, you know, really dumb songs. i have a song called "i'm not a scientist" that i wrote before the pandemic, and, you know, it's the anti-maskers. >> trevor: right. >> it's like saying i'm no scientist but i like to question what i'm told.
1:56 am
so tell me, if this world is heatin' up, how come my beer's still cold. taking that attitude of, like, rich believing silence. i have an anthem to brett kavanaugh called "i like beer." you know, it's celebrating what jackasses we all are because we supposedly get to pick what happens in this country, and look what we've done. i mean, look at the mess we've gotten ourselves into. >> trevor: it was the gift and the curse of freedom. that's exactly what it is. you've got "all rise" out. what i'm really excited about is you're offering all your standup specials on your web site but for a really really special cause. tell me about that. >> i finally got around to putting my specials online. >> trevor: right. >> the pandemic had started and i was just, like, i can't do this self-serving mercenary move of, like, hey, everybody, sorry about all the death and stuff, but here's some --
1:57 am
( laughter ) >> trevor: oh, no, yeah. >> -- here are some comedy specials. we are putting all the proceeds from those specials towards america's food fund. >> trevor: amazing. >> and, you know, it's not a big deal for me. i'm lucky. i get paid well to do my work and, so, there are little places where, like, i can do that and, you know, hopefully some people will be fed and, some day, i'm going to need a sandwich, and hopefully i will have planted the seeds of mercy so i can find a meal myself when i find myself in need. >> trevor: hopefully you will just need the sandwich because you're just hungry in your house and not because things are horribly wrong. thanks for joining us on the show again. good to see you. nice to see your face. say hello to your lovely wife and stay healthy out there, my friend. >> i will, trevor. you, too. thank you for your beautiful work. >> trevor: thank you so much for that, nick. don't forget, you can check out
1:58 am
"all rise," nick offerman's new audio original release of his touring show. we'll take a quick break but we'll be right back after this.t before we go, if you're registered to vote in this election, then it's very likely you're eligible to vote early. so do it! go to votevotevote.com to check your early voting options, and make sure you get your voice heard. until next week -- stay safe out there, wear a mask, and...surprise!
1:59 am
see, got you again. now, here it is -- your moment of zen. >> need something to watch tonight? there are two town halls. biden on abc, trump on nbc. or you can watch this monkey play the piano. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ vote 2020. ♪ - ♪ i'm goin' down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time - ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm goin' down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind - ♪ ample parking day or night, people spouting howdy neighbor ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park, gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] - ♪ come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine ♪
169 Views
2 Favorites
Uploaded by TV Archive on
