tv The Daily Show With Trevor Noah Comedy Central December 9, 2020 11:00pm-11:46pm PST
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>> trevor: hey, what's going on everybody? welcome to "the daily social distancing show." i'm trevor noah. today is wednesday, the 9th of december, which means hannukah starts tomorrow night, so you only have one day left to figure out how you're going to spell it this year. anyway, coming up on tonight's show: we figure out why it's great to be white, we see why 2020 was such a horny year, and george wallace joins me on the show. so let's do this, people! welcome to "the daily social distancing show." >> announcer: from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is "the daily social distancing show," with trevor noah." >> trevor: let's kick things off
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with donald j. trump, president of the united states and man losing a bar fight with reality. ever since he lost the election, his people have been going through every court in the country trying to find a judge who will help him unlose the election. but yesterday, he might have hit a dead end. >> the supreme court has now shot down an effort by president trump's allies in pennsylvania in that overall effort to try to overturn the election. terry, the u.s. supreme court seemed to send a very strong signal late today with very few words. >> they sure did. this was brutal, david, no question about it. it took the supreme court just 34 minutes between the time that president trump's allies in pennsylvania filed their brief in this case and a one-sentence order from the supreme court rejecting that entire case. no reasoning, just, no get out of here. and there were no recorded dissents by any of the justices, including amy coney barrett and neil gorsuch and brett kavanaugh, all of whom were appointed by president trump.
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>> it came in a single sentence, and we quote, "the application for injunctive relief presented to justice alito and by him referred to the court is denied. man. not only did they shut down his case, but they did it in just 34 minutes! they didn't even pretend that they were going to consider it. this is you asking someone, somebody out and they shut you down immediately. "hey, would you like to--" no... "go out with me?" and trump must be especially butt-hurt that the justices he appointed didn't do anything about this, because in his mind, they owe him big time. he's probably like, "what the hell, brett?! i stuck with you when everyone said you were a creepy drunk, but now you won't let me be president just because i didn't get enough votes? all of a sudden, now you know the meaning of the word "no"?! i hate all of you-- neal, brett-- and you hurt me most of all, amy coney island!"
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here's the truth. you can't blame the supreme court for not wanting to get involved in trump's case. because everybody has that one friend that when you see them crying, you think, "i'm just going to keep walking, because if i try to help, this is going to be a whole thing." so, this looks like it could be the end for trump's legal efforts, because he can't appeal a case higher than the supreme court. i mean, maybe he'll try to appeal to god. who knows? ( as trump ) look, i know i only ask for your help when i'm walking down a ramp, but this one is important, big guy." and can we take a moment to reflect on how hard this past month has been for trump's people, because it's not easy to overturn a democracy. it's actually taking a physical toll on them. trump's hair went grey overnight, his legal team is riddled with corona, and now one of trump's top supporters, congressman louie gohmert, is literally falling apart. >> it was an embarrassing moment for texas republican louie gohmert. >> i have, uh, consulted, been
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with our afghan allies, many times, since 2000-- 2001. >> his tooth fell out in the middle of a press conference on capitol hill. the congressman didn't miss a beat. he quickly caught it with his tongue, tucked it away in his cheek, and kept speaking. gohmert tweeted later, accusing reporters of being more interested in a temporary crown coming loose than they were uncovering claims of election fraud by the president. >> trevor: that is the most disgusting thing i have ever seen in 2020-- and i saw rudy's hair melt and a human woman marry an inside-out ferret. but as disgusting as it is, it's still pretty funny. trump's fraud cases are getting knocked out of court so hard that other people are losing their teeth. and it's not like louie gohmert can give that tooth to the tooth fairy. she's going to be like, "nuh-uh, i didn't sign up for this shit. i buy teeth from kids, not a middle-aged cabbage patch doll."
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and i love how he tried to move on like nothing happened. did you see that? tried to move on. my man. i don't care what side of history you're on. if your tooth, falls out mid-speech, your argument is over. i know it's not fair, but it's the way it is. if that happened to f.d.r., even he would have been like, "december 7, 1941, a date which will live in infam-- oh, shit my tooth. forget it. congrats, japan, you won." but let's move on. as we enter the second year of the coronavirus pandemic, there is one thing on top of everybody's holiday wish list: a playstation 5. and after that, a vaccine. and santa's working hard to make it happen. great britain has already begun states. is close behind, and is close behind, and china has just announced that its new vaccine is 86% effective. but the first country to start mass vaccinations was actually russia. and the reason they were able to be first is that they didn't finish testing it first, which might be why things haven't been going great with it so far.
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>> interesting request for those getting a vaccine in russia, officials telling citizens, "please avoid drinking alcohol for two months after being inoculated." they say that alcohol impacts the immune system. there have been some questions about the efficacy of russia's vaccine. reports say medical workers who have been vaccinated are still getting covid. vladimir putin has also refused to take it. >> trevor: wow, there's a lot to unpack here. first off, russia's vaccine doesn't allow you to drink alcohol? this is a tough situation, because the only way you would agree to take a russian vaccine is if you were totally shitfaced. not to mention, not drinking is going to cause a lot of problems, because it means that a lot of russians are going to be seeing russia sober for the first time. "what is this? my home is frozen wasteland where top food is beets? what the hell is this place? i thought i lived in the caribbean." also, it doesn't build public
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confidence in the vaccine if your leader is like, "i'll take my chances with corona! that vaccine is poison, and trust me, i know what's poison!" but let's move on. from time to time, i see stories that make me think, "damn, it is good to be white in america," because i know a lot of white people are hurting right now, but white people can also get away with shit in this country that nobody else could. so, you know, what, i think there are some times when we just to appreciate it and be like, yo, man, "you're so lucky you're white." ♪ ♪ tonight's story takes place in staten island, which is a little pocket of red america inside deep blue new york city-- like if elmo drowned at sea. and the lucky white person at the center of this story is danny presti, bar manager and hairy egg. his luck began a week ago when he found the courage to take a stand against staying alive. >> for a small bar on staten island, mac's public house has
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become a national lightning rod in the pandemic lockdown. when the southern portion of staten island went into the orange zone last month, the owner of mac's public house said he could not afford to close again, so he declared his property an autonomous zone. >> he's posted statements on the windows refusing to abide by any rules and regulations put forth by the mayor of new york city and the governor. >> open up! open up! >> hundreds of protesters outside the now-infamous mac's public house on staten island tonight demanding it open for business. >> u.s.a.! u.s.a.! u.s.a.! >> we are a community. we take back our community. we're all together. we take back staten island tonight. >> trevor: okay, right away, we can all agree that this dude is behaving very white, because it's a very white thing to do to just declare yourself an
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independent if you don't like a law. i mean, the american revolution was basically white guys saying, "i'll drink tea when i want to drink tea!" goddamn it. the queen isn't going to tell me i have to have high tea. what if i want low tea, or no tea? what about coffee?" not to mention, he just declared himself autonomous in front of an american flag! these guys always want it both ways: "america is tyrannical, so i declare myself independent! u.s.a!" white prime never cease to amaze me. they will follow all the rules of "escape the room" to the letter, but the moment you ask them to wear a mask they turn into freedom fighters weapon where was that freedom-fighting attitude when i decided to pik the locks instead of searching for clues, huh, chad! the police came to shut down the bar, and that's when presti's
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luck really started. >> that defiant general manager of a staten island bar was released without bail after he was arrested for hitting a sheriff's deputy with his car. this weekend deputies tried to arrest danny presti after he allowed people to gather at mac's public house when it was supposed to be shut down. when they followed him up the block to his car, they say he ran and drove off, hitting a deputy who rolled on to his hood. and despite this surveillance video that shows the incident, presti has a different version of what happened. >> i think when the investigation is complete, you're going to find out that i did nothing wrong. >> trevor: oooooh-wee, that dude is so lucky he's white! yo, can you imagine. cops say you hit one of them with your car and you get released without bail, no bail! best believe if he was black, they'd have dragged him out of his car, beat his ass, and then beat the car's ass! and i love how he's saying, "when the investigation is complete, you'll see i did nothing wrong." my man, you're on video. the investigation is over. it lasted five seconds. my eyes just did the
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investigation. and they saw your ass drive into the police. case closed. so instead of being punished for plowing into a cop, this guy gets away with it like he's in "grand theft auto." and it's even better than that . at least in "grand theft auto," you have go to go into hiding for a bit before you're safe. but, no, this guy immediately went to brag about it on fox news! >> i'm looking at your business, and you're getting killed. and these restrictions-- i mean, do people really understand your heart, life, and soul is involved in this, sir? >> now, i just want to say, i applaud a lot of these small-business owners that peacefully push back against this, because they have no other recourse. >> what it just goes to show you is people are frustrated, and they're protective, and they feel like the government is not looking out for them >> i don't know if i should reveal this, danny, but i actually know cops that are telling you privately, whispering in your ear, they don't want to do this to you. they are being forced to. and i'm really sorry that you're going through all this, to be very honest. >> trevor: daaaaaamn! you're so lucky you're white!
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this dude has a whole network apologizing to him for running over a policeman! a policeman! and not just any network, but fox news! fox always stands with cops against black people, but the second a white guy hits a cop, suddenly, fox goes all "(bleep) tha police." they even told him he was "peacefully pushing back" when he was pushing with his car. yo, are you serious right now? when black people just walk in the street, fox calls it a riot. but this white guy drives into a cop, a police officer, an officer of the law! and fox news is like, this is a hit-and-run, this is a hit-and-run that martin luther king jr. would have been proud of!" 7 i have one question for you, what happened to blue lives matter? i guess technically it's blue lives matter is above black lives matter, but the number one thing is white lives matter. there you have it.
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this guy declares himself above the law, hosts super-spreader parties at his bar, runs over the police when they try to stop him, and now he's a fox news hero. there's nothing else to say except, "you're so lucky you're white." all right, we're going to take a quick break, but when we come back michael kosta will give us his idea on how to deal with the nightmare that was 2020. and then we'll look back on on why everyone wanted to smash in because of 2020. don't go away. >> the forbidden phrase is president-elect. >> do you accept the fact that joe biden is the president-elect of the united states? >> well, we're certainly moving forward as if that's-- that's what's going to happen. what matters is, we're doing-- going through the process to allow this process to work its way-- >> i had hear you but-- >> to inauguration day. >> do you concur with senator toomey that it is now over? >> no, i do not. i think vice president biden has been a bit overdramatic. >> do you now accept that he's
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president-elect? >> well, we've got a process that i think we've been going through since the election, and it's going to play itself out. >> well, chris, i-- i welcome vice president bide tone the club. >> the democratic leader of the senate and... former vice president biden. >> have you spoken yet with the president-elect to congratulate him on his victory? >> i have not spoken with the president-elect. >president-elect. ( buzzer ) >> marsha blackburn even referred to biden and harris as president and vice president-elect the other day, and one of her spokespeople said she misspoke when she said that. ( bell ringing ) ( applause ) ♪ ♪ what's up, tom? heyyyy
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♪ ♪ freein' freein' is that the law? little girl is lost and i am taking her home. how much you want for her? this child is not for sale. you can't have her and i'm taking her home. amanda nunes wears hers with pride. from standing up for herself against the doubters, to being the only woman in her mma training gym... amanda refused to let stereotypes get in her way... whether inside the octagon or out. since 1925, we've proved that it doesn't matter where you come from, it matters what you're made of. modelo. the official beer of ufc. readjusting won't be easy. start by smelling your best again, with axe.
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axe. smell ready. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily social distancing show." this month, we've been looking back at 2020. we've talked about music, movies, technology. and now, to give us his review of this last year, let's bring in a man who can barely remember what he did last night, michael kosta. michael, what is your biggest takeaway about 2020? >> my biggest "takeaway" for 2020? mu biggest takeaway is we should take away 2020. this year was a total bust. we got nostalgic about going to the dentist. we should take 2020, put it in a dumper, light it on fire, and walk away while it explodes behind us. >> trevor: yeah, michael, i hear you. but we should try to figure out what we can learn from 2020. we can't just pretend it never happened, you know. >> actually, trevor, that's exactly what we should do. >> trevor: what? we should pretend 2020 never happened? >> yeah!
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let's all agree, right here and now, as a planet, that 2020 did not happen. nothing happened in 2020 counts. nothing during 2020 is important. we just skipped over the whole year. we're taking a big, collective mulligan. control-alt delete. force quit. drop 2020 off at the mall, tell it you'll be back in an hour, and move to another state. >> trevor: kosta, we can't skip 2020. how would that even work? >> duhhh, it's pretty simple, trevor. if you lost your job in 2020, you go back to work tomorrow. if you got evicted in 2020, you walk back into your apartment and it's yours again. if you got divorced in 2020, you're now married. if you donated a kidney, you go back and get that kidney. if you adopted a dog, you go back and get that dog. if you got as i rememberrum
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sized-- >> trevor: kosta, we get it! but that doesn't work for everything. like, what about school? everyone just repeats a grade again? >> yeah, what's the problem? the only education children got this year was seeing a teacher's salary can only afford you a studio apartment. look at me, i repeated grade after grade and i'm as smart as i ever did. >> trevor: this is all masked delusion. >> absolutely, but we're deluding ourselves together, and if everyone is delusional, then now one is lusional, okay. we do this all the time. technically, my uncle is an alcoholic but we as a family have decided together he's not. so now she's just a care-free guy who likes to vomit on the dog. >> trevor: but reality still happened, my friend. your body still changed. we all still aged. >> we all already don't count reality all the time. we have to do it now on a faster timeline. do any of us remember the
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pandemic of 1918? of course not, if we did we wouldn't have made all the same mistakes again this time around. so instead of being sad and miserable, like americans were in 1919, we just need to jump ahead 100 years to when they forgot about it all. >> trevor: i feel like i just got dumber listening to that. >> can do it over: as long as i get in these mistakes before december 31, they won't count. now, trevor, if you'll excuse me, i have to go get a kidney back. >> trevor: mikey, you can't do that. michael! the kidney is theirs! that's a crime. don't forget michael kosta has a brand-new special right here on comedy central. it's called "detroit. new york. l.a.," and it is hilarious. be sure to check it out. when we come back, desi lydic goes through all the ways that 2020 turned us on. and george wallace, the legend, is joining us on the show. so don't go away.
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wow-. (hundred bands in my pocket, it's on me (on me) yeah, your grandmama probably know me (know me) it's a moment when i show up, got 'em sayin', "wow" new doritos flamin' hot limon. there's nothing like a crisp refreshing sam adams boston lager. a perfect balance of malt & hops... sorry. i was gonna buy that six-pack. ah, ten bucks. that includes mine. yep, ok. ♪ i think i'm always chasing a melody. it's a similar process i have to when i'm painting or drawing. it feels like falling in love. my name is yvette young and i'm a musician and artist. ♪
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my name is yvette young athgreat stocking stuffers.ke. ♪ but how about right-now-in-your-mouth stuffers. happy holidays to your mouth. not sorry. reese's. derrick: that's why i use triple protection old spice sweatong defense.m talking "long" long. derrick: it works harder for longer. defender: yo derrick man...you gone be much longer? derrick: oh it's gone be a "minute" minute. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily social distancing show." 2020 is almost over, and i think we can all agree that it has been the best year in human history. everything went perfect, and nothing went wrong at all! and for the rest of the month, we'll be remembering all of 2020's best moments. today, desi lydic looks back on what made 2020 so damn sexy. ♪ ♪ >> for many people, 2020 was the
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most challenging year of their lives. it brought out a whole new range of experiences and emotions. people were scared, they were sad, they were scad. that's when you're so sad is scares you. ( sobbing ) being stuck at home most of the year had another, even stronger effect on people. they were horny as hell. >> in march, hornpub had a historic spike in traffic and a site that allows subscribers to message and pay their favorite permanenters is getting around 200,000 new users per day. >> that's right. notten was baking bread during the pandemic. should people were kneading their own dough. some were so thirsty for online porn even your grandma memorized the wifi pass word. you can only watch so many pizzas being delivered by the
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pool boy. some people were so horny they crossed a forbidden line. >> match.com put out a single in america survey. one towards four americans turned towards their roommate for intimacy and sex during the pandemic. >> wow, those people must have been really lonely, not because they were boning their roommate because of but because they were filling out a survey on match.com. i don't care how desperate i get i will never stoop that low to sleep with my roommate, even if he is my husband. thankfully, not everyone hooked up with their roommates this year. somewhere fantasizing about a different resident in their home. >> the single folks out there haven't been dating because of lockdown restrictions. they have been turning to dating apps, zoom meetings. but but about 28% of you guys have been getting turned on by alexa. like, "hey, alexa." that alexa. >> no judgment. there is nothing wrong with finding voices sexy. my first boyfriend was a
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speak-and-spell. but i don't know, the alexa thing? i don't really get it. siri, definitely. she's got that super-hot voice. "sorry, i didn't quite get that." she can quite get that any time she wants. i don't know, alexa always sounds uptight like she's got sand stuck in her leather board. >> i heard that you skank. >> between porn use and spanking it to the robot who reorders your toilet paper, people might have spent 2020 stuck at home, but their minds were in the gutter. and you could see the horniness everywhere, even in places you wouldn't expect it. like this summer when martha stewart dropped one of the host thirst trap of all time, or when chris evans gave us a peek at his camera roll. at ease, captain. permission to come aboard, sir. captain america was captain of a boat, right? some people got too horny this year and gave horniness a bad name.
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>> an unsettling incident involving cnn's chief legal annualest, now off the air for allegedly pleasuring himself on a zoom call. jeffrey tubein was suspended by the magazine for masturbating during the call last week with other employees and wnyc radio staff watching. >> oooh, jeffrey tubein or jeffrey pubein. when you're on a work zoom, that's not time to masturbate. that's time to paint your toenails or get your christmas shopping done online. you have to keep it professional. he just had to do it on a work zoom? i can't imagine that he couldn't figure out a better time to squeeze in squeezing it out. this was the year of extra free time. i learned to play the guitar. i knit sweaters for everyone i know. i did 600 puzzles, one for every time i masturbated-- which, there was plenty of time to do. but thankfully, the horniest
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moment of the year was one we welcomed with open arms. ♪ ♪ the wop video. cardi b, must have known that horniness was at an all-time high because this song had something for horny creatures of all species-- men, women, snakes, tigers, leopards, and fake billionaires. more importantly, it was a symbol of female sexual empowerment. just watching that video is the equivalent of doing 500 kegels. and we needed that this year. we felt so horny and helpless, and then this song came out and told women that it's okay that you had to change your batteries out of your vibrator twice this year. it's okay that you're taking extra-long mommy showers. it's okay that you're starting to find olaf from frozen attractive. >> you found him attractive before the pandemic. >pandemic. >> alexa, you secret-spilling
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bitch! so that's the year in horniness. 2020 has been a crazy year in so many ways, but horny moments gave us just a little bit of escape. we'll never forget about the way it meade us feel-- in our hearts, in our minds, and in our wet-ass vagina. >> you received a notification lady lube is out of stock. >> goddamn it, alexa! i will unplug you! >> trevor: thanks, desi! all right, stick around, because when we come back, the great george wallace is joining me on the show.o "the
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daily social distancing show." so, earlier today, i spoke with the legendary comedian george wallace. we talked about his remarkable career, how he's become a favorite on twitter, his brand-new book, and much more. mr. george wallace, welcome to the "the daily social distancing show." >> dr. george wallace, let's get that clear. don't you feel better since you're talking to me. >> trevor: oh, no, i do
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already. dr. george wallace. i'll take it. i remember when i-- when you first start doing stand-ups you hear the biggest names, the pioneers, the people who did it, the people who are still doing it. for me one of the names that always stuck out was george wallace. you have been the comedian's comedian for so much time but you also crush it with the audience, from the days of jerry seinfeld in the club, you were mr. george wallace, dr. george wallace. is it a doctorate in comedy? what is it a doctorate in? >> you got it, man. doctor of comedy, george wallace. we started out hitting the clubs, four, five clubs a night. do you know to this day we have been friend for 45 years to this day in new york city before the pandemic, we still go to the clubs, four, five clubs a night and she try out thyself new jokes. >> trevor: there are a few comedians i know who love and perform stup comedy as much as you do. and then the pandemic hit, and i was like, where is george wallace and what is he doing?
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>> since march 14, i shut down my tv show at netflix, and i came to-- wikonda. that's atlanta. listen to me, first of all, your country, i have been there. the most beautiful country in the world and i love it. table bay. what's the name of the beach i hang out. is it camp's bay? >> >> trevor: yes, yes, camp's bay. >> know you're from up in johannesburg. i enjoyed your country so much, and i want you to know, in my country now-- i'm in atlanta right now. you have been to atlanta? >> trevor: of course i've been to atlanta. >> tell the truth, when you got off the airplane did you say, "holy shit! you never saw so many black people in your life. hey, hey -- >> you know what i used to say? you know what i used to say, george. >> you're in atlanta and you go, "what the hell! and you know the story on atlanta being the- making capital of the world, like "the black panther" they wanted to
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make it in africa. they went to africa to make the movie, but when they went over there, they didn't have enough black people. so they called delta and flew them right back to atlanta. there are so many black people here. i just wanted to bring that up. yes, what am i doing? i'm still writing jokes and having fun. i keep my legal pad with me. i continue to write new jokes every day. and that's what i'm doing. >> trevor: how do you-- how do you stay so relevant though? >> my job is to keep up with times. and i'm dealing with this pandemic near atlanta for the last few months. i've been writing a book. i wrote a new book called "bull-twit." they said why "bull-twit." i said they won't buy a book that says bullshit. these are my ramblings for so many years, just stupid stuff off my head. i was wondering for years before i started doing twitter why should i give away my jokes for free? >> trevor: right. >> i said, you know, what?
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if i do this, it's not real jokes. it's just little thoughts from the mind. and if i do this, the whole world gets to see me. otherwise, they have to come to las vegas. but right now, i'm glad i did it. now we've got almost one million followers, and every day we get to chat with people and laugh and have fun. >> trevor: i feel like that's what makes you fresh. that's what makes you funny. you have the book of your tweets and the rants and the ramblings. i feel like in many ways that's how you formulate your show in vegas. you have one of the longest residency of all time. you are the vegas guy. why do you love vegas so much? >> trevor, i am so happy to live my dream. i never wanted to do tv. i never wanted to do movies. when i was a kid all i wanted to do was work las vegas, nevada. all i want to do is entertain people. you know, it's not-- and you're talking to, by the way, the most successful comedian ever, me. it's not-- ( laughing ) it's not how much money you
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make. it's how you enjoy your life -- >> yes, yes, yes. >> and i'm enjoying my life. and i went to las vegas and i've broken records there. i've worked longer in las vegas, i've done more shows than any african american because i went to las vegas, and i don't work for the hotels. i own my show. i do the -- >> that's what i'm talking about. >> i write the jokes. so it's pretty-- and i love what i do. >> trevor: as you said, you are the longest african american performer in las vegas in history. but there was a time when you were doing comedy when black performers weren't even allowed in the club. when you had to go and perform in places where they wouldn't even want you to perform, but you still found that joy and you had comedians rally around you-- blark white-- everyone. talk me through that. was there never a point in that period where you thought maybe i should pik another career? maybe i should do something else? >> hell no. you know what i do every night? i go out on that stage every night and i just lie.
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i just make up shit. i just lie. i say just let me be the greatest bullshitter ever. but right now, trump is kicking my ass. trevor, to answer your question, when i started comedy back in 1976, there were very few black comedians. there was red fox and there was richard pryor, of course, and a few others. and i always wanted to do the comedy, and i said-- i never thought about doing anything else, you know. now, you live in new york city. before i was a comedian i was-- 1975, all of the billboards, in times square, all of those advertising boards, i was vice president of that company. so i was making in '76, making $75,000, $85,000 a year. >> trevor: wow, are you being serious right now? >> yeah. that's not what i wanted to do. i wanted to tell jokes and go on stage. i didn't care about the money.
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the money would come and then be able to go out and do "the tonight show." i was one of the first blacks to do "the tonight show." the next night i was on stage in front of 17,000 people. that was back on the day when you did "the tonight show" that was it. and i wanted to learn to become a comedian and opened for the likes of natalie cole, diana ross. i worked caesar's palace. i wanted to work every kind of stage. >> trevor: there used to be a time when comedy and music, you couldn't separate them. every musician in the country had a comedian opening up the shows. first, do you miss that? and why do you think it stopped? >> it was a different time. we have comedy clubs now. so back in the day, when i was opening, you're right a comedian would open for singers. what happened to me, i enjoyed what i was doing. i started -- most comedians get to do 20 minutes. i never had that opportunity. i worked-- i worked with diana ross. i started 20 minutes. she said take it to 25, 30.
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i was with tom jones for five and a half years. he made me do 45 minute every night. and i loved it. and then they-- the most difficult part about opening, let's say a guy like tom jones, to sing, 500 ladies came every night. he said that's not going to be good, mr. wallace, because the same 500 ladies will come every night and it will be empty down front. for five years, every night, those ladies were at my show, throwing underwear at me. that's what taught me to be a great comedian and learn to do a different show every night. i have the greatest job in the world, trevor. and i do nothing. i just lie. i make up shit. >> trevor: my friend, not only are you one of the greatest comedians for doing that, i think you're fully qualified to be president of the united states. if you ever get tired of vegas, you know where you can start your next residency if you want to lie all the time. >> oh, right there, 1600. i could be president tomorrow. you know, the first law i would
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pass, chick-fil-a will be open on sunday. i don't give a damn what they say. that's the first law i will pass. second law-- second law i'm going to pass, steve harvey ain't hosting shit no more, okay? steve harvey-- let me -- >> oh, man. >> but, listen, let me-- let me tell you more about this book here. this book is something that most people should get. it makes a great christmas gift under your tree. you know the person that has everything what do you get them? you get tham book that keeps them laughing. trevor, i did not go to amazon.com because they take half your money. gut georgewallace.net, go online and get this book because you need loftener your life. and you you when stop laughing, you stop living. >> trevor: that's all you've got to do my friend. thank you so much for taking the time. i hope to meet you officially in person in the flesh one day, but until then, i'll make sure everybody gets the book. we're going to get it from the web site. and the next time we meet, we will continue to talk about
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wokanda, and cape town, south africa. >> that's nice of you to say you want to meet me in flesh. how else are you going to meet me. >> trevor: now we meet like this. this is how we meet now. >> trevor, you have to know i'm an asshole, so i never close the show without saying i love you, and there's nothing you can do about it. >> trevor: oh, man. george wallace, i'll see you around my friend. look around yourself. >> you have a deal. you, too. >> trevor: george's new book: "bull-twit and whatnot" is available now. okay. we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this.
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>> trevor: that's our show for tonight. but before we go: i wanted to remind you to please try support your local restaurants if you can. they are struggling to stay open during this pandemic, and if they don't get the help they need, they might not be open for you when the pandemic is over. if you want to help just beyond ordering food, please consider a donation to the james beard foundation's "open for good" campaign, which helps independent restaurants survive this pandemic. until tomorrow, stay safe out there, wear a mask, and remember: if you really want to keep covid away from you, just declare yourself an autonomous zone. it works every time. now, here it is,your moment of zen.
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♪ ♪ tral tral ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ ♪ headed on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ ♪ ( mumbling ) ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪
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