psychiatry is a narcissism machine. i learned more from dr. seuss than dr. freud. earth. you don't have to be crazy to live i don't know, just use the best one. >> trevor: well, hello, everybody. and welcome, to our first episode of 2021, and the last episode of donald juvenile trump, the only american president who got impeached more times than he got elected. in 24 hours, donald trump will no longer be president, and americans will finally be able to take a deep breath, except for the 24 million of them who have covid because of the government's horrible response. we're going to be catching up on all the news. plus, carey mulligan will be joining us to talk about her brand-new movie, "promising young woman." so let's do this, people! welcome to "the daily social distancing show." >> announcer: from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is "the daily social

distancing show," with trevor noah. >> trevor: tomorrow, joe biden will be sworn in as the 46th president of what's left of the united states. although, judging from the preparations, perhaps "united" isn't the right word for the country. >> tonight, extraordinary security in the nation's capital, officials taking no chances, military reinforcements arriving by the planeload, national guard troops coming from every corner of the u.s. >> on every street, more fencing, more police, more troops. >> fencing with razor wire, barricades and checkpoints everywhere. restrictions on drones, helicopters patrolling the skies, and police boats scouring the potomac river. >> more than 25,000 national guard troops in the nation's capital, many already there and sleeping on cots. >> biden planned to take the train from his home in deleware to d.c., but that trip has been canceled due to security concerns about his arrival at union station just blocks from the capitol.

>> trevor: oh, man. poor joe biden. he loves trains, but security is so tight that they won't let him ride one. and it makes sense-- trains are the worst way to get your new president to his inauguration, because, forget terrorists. biden could get hurt just from a guy trying to carry boiling coffee down the aisle. also, it's so easy to plan a train attack, because the train can't change course. we all know where it's going.■ç there's a track. if a train leaves delaware for d.c. at 9:00 a.m. and it travels at 80 miles an hour, we know it's going to get to d.c.... it'll get there... and this just shows you how divided america is right now-- it's even having trouble transitioning power from an old white guy to an old white guy. security wasn't even this tight when the president was about to be black. now, of course, the reason for all this security is that no one wants a repeat of january 6th, when a mob of the world's angriest aunts and uncles attacked the capitol building. and we all watched the riots live on the news that day. but as time goes on, we're

finding out that the situation was even crazier than we thought. >> new details tonight show just how close the violent mob got to the vice president and his family. >> hang mike pence! >> as the mob chanted "hang mike pence" and a makeshift gallows went up. the vice president, his wife, his daughter, were seconds away from being spotted, according to "the washington post." at one point, they were hiding less than 100 feet from the violent crowd attacking police officers, journalists, and others. >> and the chilling search for speaker nancy pelosi. >> where the (bleep) is nancy? >> inside the senate chamber, insurrection. >> there's got to be something in here we can (bleep) use against these (bleep). >> is this the senate? >> where the (bleep) are they? where are they? >> while we are here, we might as well set up a government. >> hey, let's take a seat, people. let's take a seat.

let's vote on some shit. >> trevor: you know, i used to blame lawmakers for not getting anything done. but now i'm starting to think maybe it's the capitol building that jams up congress. because even this mob, they came in with the goal to overthrow the government, but once they got in, they were like, uh, maybe we should vote on something. actually, guys, let's adjourn for the day. we'll come back tomorrow." but this is how you know, really know, that trump's supporters are a cult, because they wanted to hang mike pence for finally accepting the election results. mike pence, people! no one has been more loyal to trump than mike pence. while trump was screwing america over last four years, mike pence was gently guiding his himself from behind. now you're calling him a traitor? mike pence? i know people don't like him. i, for one, am really thankful that this mob didn't hurt mike pence, because i think we can all agree that no one should die a virgin.

now, since that day, the f.b.i. has rounded up over 130 people so far for taking part in the assault. and if you're wondering how they found all these people, well, it turns out, it was all on the 'gram. >> this man posing beneath the sign of nancy pelosi's office is a firefighter from florida, andy williams. >> we are all trying to get into the capitol to stop this. >> a corporate lawyer from dallas, paul davis, posted this video and was qingly identified by his boss. nicholas wore his work i.d. badge around his neck. >> this man posted a selfie, smoking a cigarette with the caption "hello from the capitol, l.o.l." >> the man who put his feet up on nancy pelosi's desk is 60-year-old richard barnett, known as biggo. >> i left her a note on her desk that says, "nancy, biggo was here, you (bleep)." >> and this fella, derrick evans, live-streamed the moment he and others members of the mob broke into the capitol. >> we're in! we're in! derrick evans is in the capitol!"

>> trevor: no, guys, you can't be serious. has it really gotten this bad, that social media has poisoned us all so much, we're even live-streaming our treason. people are comparing this to 1776, but you didn't see george washington crossing the delaware like, "i do declare... selfie!" i will say, though, this is an argument for defunding the police. you don't need billions of dollars for detectives when you can find criminals just by scrolling your instagram discover page. so after four years, president trump is spending his last days in power like many tin-pot dictators: convincing his most rabid fans to keep fighting for a lost cause, while he hides in a bunker somewhere. but whether you hate trump or whether you just mildly dislike him, you have to admit a few things about this man. number one: he has changed american politics forever. for starters, the red phone in the oval office will always call mcdonald's instead of the pentagon. that's not going to change. also, he's completely dropped the bar for presidential behavior.

i mean, in ten years, a president could just pee in the middle of a press conference, and everyone will be like, "huh, i guess he just had to go." also, you have to admit that trump from the time he ran for president, he was consistent.■ç the victimhood and racial resentment that came down that escalator in 2015 are the same that ended up at the capitol on january 6. but because trump has been so consistently bad, he's exposed how bullshit so many other people are. for instance: fox news. they spent all of 2020 screaming that "blue lives matter." the way fox news defended police during the george floyd■ç protests, you would have thought opposing police bru tament was the same thing as killing police. but then, when their people stormed the capitol and police at the capitol were beaten and actually killed-- two officers were actually killed-- all of a sudden, fox news is saying this: >> these are not conspiracy theorists motivated just by

lies. that's a bunch of nonsense that people want to tell us. these are people who understand first principles. they love freedom and they love free market. america. >> so many of them are patriotic, well-loving americans who are frustrated that their institutions of government, of media have let them down. >> a lot of these people are not dispossessed. they're not some creepy androgynous blogger who shows up to burn things down. they're, like, kind of solid americans. >> trevor: ah, i get it now. these people weren't creepy bloggers. they were solid, law-abiding americans. and nobody is allowed to kill cops except for the people who respect cops. they can do whatever they want. also, where the hell did "they love free markets" come from? "free markets?" i wasn't picking that up and people were smashing windows and taking the capitol down. "free markets" are not something that drives a riot. no one's even slapped someone over free markets before, much less murdered a police officer the point is, you guys clearly don't care about cops.

you only care about using the idea of cops to keep black people in their place. so, please, miss me with that bullshit! whether you're a liberal or a conservative, everyone should be able to agree that this cracker barrel mascot is a weasel, the worst weasel of any kind. because after the capitol was stormed, after the capitol was stormed, and it looked like trump was done, he gave a big speech about how he was done supporting trump because trump. "took it too far, oh, noooo." but then the very next week, he was back flying on air force one and basically blaming the attack on the democrats. >> senator lindsey graham placing blame for the capitol hill riot on house speaker nancy pelosi. watch this. >> what happened on january the sixth was one of the low points in my time in office. it was horrendous to see people come and take over the capitol, the house and the senate, beat officers, defile the seat of government. how in the hell could that happen? where was nancy pelosi?

it was her job to provide capitol security. >> trevor: yeah, nancy, why weren't you in your office when people were coming to kidnap or kill you? what were you hiding? yourself! a-ha! we gotcha, nancy! what did graham expect her to to do. set up booby traps like in "home alone"? please, please miss me with that bullshit. and this also goes out to all. the republicans who spent four years backing a president who called his opponents "un-american" and "enemies of the people," but now, now that he's getting impeached and might be held accountable, are suddenly all about moving on. >> today is a moment for members of congress to put aside partisan politicking and place people over power. >> we should be focused on bringing the nation together. >> we must be bigger and better than the most base of instincts that have been driving our political discourse. it is destroying us. let's link arms with one another

and begin to heal. >> does not matter if you are liberal, moderate, or conservative. all of us must resist the temptation of further polarization. as history shows, unity is not an option. it's a necessity. >> trevor: okay, i don't know what crazy-ass world you people grew up in, but how are you going to start a fight and then tell everyone else to calm down? can you imagine if a terrorist tried to hijack a plane, and then after the marshal tackled him, he says, "okay, i think everyone needs to calm down. let's just come together and watch the rest of 'croods.' all right? let's do this together. i'm gonna have the chicken, thank you. shhh! the movie." all these people who tried to overthrow the government can miss me with that bullshit! and it's not just fox. it's not just republicans. social media companies! for years, people have been warning you about the violence

and conspiracy that you're amplifying and allowing to spread on your platforms, and for years you've said you can't do anything about it. but now that the capitol has been ransacked, now all of a sudden, it turns out you can.■ç "now that the violence has happened, we are going to do everything we can to stop the violence from happening. it's funny how social media companies said they didn't have a button to magically stop hate online, but when trump lost, and then they were like, "oh, we do have that button. here it is!" so what, you guys want a cookie for doing the right thing too late? miss me with that bullshit! i will say, though, it was funny that!bandom apps that had nothing to do with trump also decided to pile on the trump ban, like when spotify and pintret banned donald trump. what's he going to do, release a mixtape and pin wall ideas on his page? it would be funny if spotify was

actually the thing that broke donald trump's heart. i don't care that they blocked my twitter or instagram or facebook. i still have my spotify-- aaah! look, man, here's the thing: by this time tomorrow, donald trump will be out of power. and i just hope that he slowly fades away, like one of his tans. and i know that he'll never be fully gone. he's basically the covid of politics. america's going to be experiencing side effects long after he's out of the system. and, unfortunately, we're probably going to see mutated strains as well. but i do hope that with him at least not president, we can all get back to being a bit more honest with each other, and more nuanced in how we talk about what divides us. that's my wish for the new year. because i don't know what 2021 is going to bring, but if it involves any bullshit, i kindly request that i be missed! all right, when we come back, we'll take a look at all the amazing thing jared and ivanka accomplished in office. and carrie mulligan is still

joins us on the show. don't go away. >> i'm here in d.c. it's an exciting day. almost half the adults in our country are asking for a do-over. >> u.s.a.! u.s.a.! u.s.a.! ( bleep ) antifa! ( bleep ) antifa! >> i suppose if you brought all of these flags and all of these garments, you've got to do something like this. i mean, they've been prepping for this at least sartorially for years. tell me about your-- what's on your back? >> a "q" flag. >> a "q" flag. qanon. >> i'm one of those crazy people! >> "q" is somebody who helped wake us up. >> and makes you ask questions. >> it makes all of us ask questions. why would somebody believe in the conspiracy a 12-year-old in the basement put it on the internet and now it's affecting

our country. >> joe biden, and kamala, your buddy kamala harris, are not legitimate. you know what i think this is? this is a gang rape of our nation. we are watching our country be gang raped. >> like, look into your ( bleep ) heart. it's not a joke. >> look, you make a good point, but you're wearing a onesy that is a flag. so it does-- >> because ( bleep ). i'm about what i ( bleep ) represent here. >> how did you get your bike in? >> right over here. >> what kind of bike best works for a futile attempt to thwart democracy? like a cross-track situation? >> that's just a weird question. i don't-- >> the revolution will not be televised. they will also not be providing chairs. so bring your own. >> there are chairs up there for everybody. >> great, thanks. >> piles of chairs. >> plenty ahead. >> people are mad about it. and they came here to make a statement. i want to read it. >> you want to read it the good news is the constitution has set aside a way to do a redo and

we'll come back and do it again in four years. >> u.s.a.! u.s.a.! [upbeat music track] is your money still saving the hard way? ♪♪ bucket your money and save for what matters most, with ally's smart savings tools for all things money... thank you for calling ally.

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social distancing show." the four years of the trump administration has been one blooper montage of scandals. we've had everything from kids in cages to a sharpie on a hurricane map. and in the very last week, the administration, believe it or not, has managed to squeeze in what might be the funniest scandal yet. >> ivanka trump and husband, jared kushner, reportedly instructed their secret service detail not to use any of the bathrooms in their washington home. >> "the washington post" says

since 2017, taxpayers have been footing the bill to rent a nearby studio apartment for $3,000 a month so agents could have access to q ,=%1>> trevor:u judge these two, keep in mind that ivanka and jared probably have really weird bathrooms. i mean, look at them. they don't even look like they use toilets. when jared has to go, ivanka probably just squeezes him like an old tube of toothpaste. or maybe the reason they did this is not■ç because they're snooty and snob itch, because they wanted to protect the secret service. ever think about that? maybe ivanka takes mega-dumps. you know those dumps where you walk into the bathrom, and it's like a wall of smell pushes you back out? yeah, maybe ivanka and jared were like, "look, you guys might need to take a bullet for us one day. there's no need to take one every day. just use the apartment." but say what you want about jared and ivanka. the two of them have been loyal to their big poppa to the end, which is why they deserve a

farewell tribute for their four years of... whatever it is they did. >> who has been the most valuable member of the trump team? sean hannity? the my pillow guy? melania's noise-cancelling headphones? actually, that's a trick question. the most important person in the trump administration isn't one person. it's a couple. ivanka trump and jared kushner. no credentials necessary. jared and ivanka, or jarvanka, might have been washington outsiders when trump won the election, but they've had a world of experience serving everyday americans. ivanka sold them handbags and jared evicted them. trump knew that jarvanka was the couple for the job, any job. ivanka became adviser to the president, an important role in which she was tasked with advising the president?

jared, meanwhile, had a bit more on his plate. >> middle east criminal justice reformed the open yod crisis, reforming care for veterans, lead adviser for relations with mexico, china, the middle east, and border wall construction. >> that's right, jared kushner was like a swiss army knife-- if all the tools were nail clippers. though jarvanka didn't get off to the smoothest start in the world. ivanka tried to use her position to hawk jewelry, while jar hed to redo his financial forms more than 40 times. the president had to bend the rules to get jared and ivanka their security clearances. just because the corrupt, deep-state f.b.i. were jealous of all the cool foreign business contacts jared has had over the years. but despite the odds, jared and ivanka took washington by storm. did they have relevant experience? no. were they qualified for their positions? no. but what did they accomplish?

yes. they hit the ground running. jared got busy solving america's criminal-just-opioid-china middle east wall. and ivanka toured factories, visited spaceships, and even performed science stuff. it's like that old say, "pics, and it didn't happen." but it was on foreign affairs that jarvanka really scored. jared jetted off to iraq to model the latest from the brooks brothers forever war collection. he heroically preserved u.s.-saudi relations after they had a little oopsy with american journalists. and he turned out to be the perfect person to solve the conflict between israel and palestine. >> i want to redo what he said. i've been studying this now for three years. i've read 25 books on it. >> that's right, 25 books. kushner had acquired a goosebump series worth of knowledge and he was ready to put it to use. meanwhile, ivanka. she sat in her dad's chair at a

g-20 summit. so that's fun. jarvanka did such a good job, that in 2020, president trump gave jared his most important job yet: overseeing the government's response to the coronavirus pam. and jared was ready to claim victory almost immediately. >> i think you'll see by june a lot of country should be back to normal, and the hope is by july the country is really rocking again. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> but there was one issue where jarvanka really shined, and that issue was themselves. >> brand new questions today about jared kushner's real estate dealings. last summer, his property at 666 fifth avenue, it got a much-needed infusion of cash, but where did it come from? >> china or april 6 approved ivanka trump's patenting for all of her brands to be sold in china, the very day that she was having dinner, wining and dining with the chinese president at martha lawgo. >> ivanka, particularly is

making millions and millions of dollars while she's in office, but jared continues to oversee his realso they are profiting, e leveraging the presidency so they can get richer and richer. >> and to think people say they have nothing to show for the last four years. jared and ivanka did more for jared and ivanka than any jared and ivanka in history. when this the haters tried to blame ivanka for whitewashing her dad's more controversial policies, she had the preply: >> if being complicity is wanting to... is wanting to be a force for good and to make a positive impact, then i'm compliceit. >> you see, to ivanka, definitions of words are like tax laws: they're just suggestions. where jarvanka end up after the white house is anyone's guess. will they settle into a beachside resort in florida.

the family villa in n? or perhaps an island retreat off the coast of manhattan. wherever they go, they will be taking with them four years of being in the white house and saying things and going places and... other governmentee things. jared and ivanka, we thank you for your service. whatever it was. >> trevor: rule inspiring. all right when we come back i'll be talking to carey mulligan be talking to carey mulligan about her new movie which has

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eat up! i'm doing the cookin' tonight. so pick up a kfc $20 fill up today! >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily social distancing show." earlier today, i spoke with academy award-nominated actor carey mulligan. we talked about her new film about female power and revenge, that she executive produces and stars in. check it out. >> why are you working here? or... i didn't mean-- that was rude. i didn't-- >> you didn't mean what am i doing working in a shitty coffee shop? >> no, i just meant, you know, given... there's no getting out of this, is there? >> no. >> i'm going to leave. can i leave and come back and i can do it again and be better. >> do you want milk?

>> pardon? >> in your coffee. >> no, but you can spit in it, if you want. i-- i deserve that. >> trevor: carey mulligan, welcome to "the daily social distancing show." >> hi, how are you doing? >> trevor: i'm doing as good as can be expected, considering everything that's happening in the world. the question is how are you doing? because you're in the u.k. right now, and you have the new variant of corona out there that's just shutting everything down. so how are you doing and how is everybody around you? >> yeah, it's-- you know, i think we all anticipated something getting worse for a little bit before it got better. but, obviously, we're in lockdown, so we're all home schooling and it feels like, you know, the beginning of march last year. so, but, no, we are very lucky. we live in the country, so we've got space. >> trevor: i feel like in the hierarchy of things, people have said essential workers, it's the people helping to keep everybody alive. it's the people who are

providing food and keeping grocery stores open, the teachers out there still trying to educate kids through some of the toughest times we have ever experienced. after all of that, my top thing is anyone who comes out with a good movie during the pandemic. i'm so excited when a new movie comes out that's actually amazing. and what is what you have given us with "promising young woman." i will say, though, i was shocked at how dark and, yet, funny it is. am i allowed to even feel that? >> oh, yeah. i mean, you know, it was very much kind of written as a dark, very dark comedy. i mean, it's full of comedians. the whole cast is-- pretty much everyone apart from connie briton and i are kind of people very comfortable in comedy. so it was definitely-- yeah. sort of part of what i think the shame is-- and it's such a small thing by comparison to world events-- but the loss of having that experience for a lot of people in the cinema or being around other people.

in these very dark comedies, i think it's the audience around you that gives you permission to laugh in moments when you're not sure if you can laugh. and that's part of the tension and release of a film like that. >> trevor: as a comedian, i think most comedians will agree with me and say if you say, "comedy and sexual assault," everyone pauses. we're like, i don't know. i'll talk about escalators■ç fit and i'll try to get to that." what made you think you could be part of making a film that used comedy as a tool to discuss one of the issues that has-- i mean, from the metoo, movement, and even before that, been one of the most important conversations to have in society? >> it was really the strength of the writing and emerald fennell, who was our director. the hardest things in life, we often can only get through by using humor, you know, some moments of your life that are completely tragic are marked by moments that are kind of comedy and hysterical giggling, the kind of party that wants to

laugh at a funeral baz you don't know how to cope. it feels very much like life, and i think the main thing with this story is it's not a fantasy. it's based on experiences that so many of us know people who have been through them and trying to be honest about that, but also recognizing that there are-- if you want to talk about this kind of stuff and you want people to think about this kind of stuff, you know, there are ways of doing it that entice an audience, you know. this is a fúlm that i think you want to see as opposed to one that you feel like you should see. >> trevor: you play a character who-- whose friend is the victim of-- a childhood friend, really, is the victim of sexual assault. and it-- it leads us into a story of revenge and justice, really. do you think there's a sense of katharthsis that was intended in writing the script? is it meant in some way to be the movie for people who say, "you know what, i've experienced this. i have a friend who has experienced this. and this helps me feel a different way about it or see my feelings from a different point

of view"? >> definitely from talking to people, they've-- you know, there's been a sense of katharthsis. i think, also, just like for me, smashing up a car... ( laughter ) is really fun. and it definitely helps. but i think-- no, if that's people's experience i think, you know, that's great. but i think the conversation i think that emerald was sort of hoping to create would be something that went further into the kind of cultural conversation. you know, these situations that nap our film have happened in so many comedies, bro comedies, films where a guy will try and lose his virginity in a nightclub. >> trevor: right. >> at any expense or try to identify the most drunk girl. these are things we've watched and kind of laughed at, and it's been so normalized in our culture for so long. it's not so much sort of-- of course it touches on that-- but

it's not about assigning people villainous roles. it's more how have we all been compliceit in this. it gives people an opportunity to experience things through a different lens because we're so used to see this told from the perspective of the boy or the man. >> trevor: right. >> and get it through the perspective of the very drunk girl in the corner. except in this situation, she's actually stone-cold sober. >> trevor: we've been taught to believe somebody who has classically unattractive features will be the bad guy or someone who looks menacing, acts menacing. in this movie that was fantastic was seeing nice guys, good guys being the bad guys. seeing the good guys doing the bad thing. that was a really interesting choice, not just in the characters but in the casting as well. you are seeing beau burnham in this movie. and you say i love beau burnham. and then you see the movie and you're like, i don't know if i like beau burnham. it's tentative of what the story is about.

why do you think that was so important? >> it was all very intentional. i think emerald wanted people that we feel comfortable with and that we have a sort of sense of nostalgia about. because i think if you see somebody who looks inherently villainous, you immediately distrust him. and i think the point about this is you would enter into one of these situations and feel comfortable momentarily with this person and you'd feel safe. it goes to the connie briton as the dean. connie is everyone's favorite person and you would go to her if you were in a crisis. so i think, you know, subverting our expectations around that stuff was really important. and the way emerald directed was so brilliant, she told each of the men, this is a romantic comedy and you are the lead. you've just met the love your life. >> trevor: wow. >> so they were all entering into it with a sort of amazing, earnest, kind of "i'm the hero

here and i'm going to save this girl." the approach, i think it highlights what it feels like when this is not happening to someone that you-- that you don't like, or you don't know. this is what it feels like-- you know, it's a very different situation if someone you know gets accused of something like this. so casting these very kind of photogenic, sweet, lovely people that are genuinely lovely in real life i think puts a different twist on it. >> trevor: i■ç will say, it is dark it is thrilling, and it is funny in moments when you genuinely do not expect it to be. most importantly, it's easily the best film of the year. i know the year just began, but it's still going to be one of the best films of the year. thank you so much for joining us on the show, and congratulations once again. >> thank you so much. thanks for having me. >> trevor: "promising young woman" is in theaters and available on demand.■ç we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this.

>> trevor: that's our show for tonight. but before we go: covid-19 has skilled more than two million people worldwide, and today, the united states passed 400,000 deaths from this virus. the pandemic is as bad as it has ever been. but luckily, our first responders are still out there on the front lines, saving lives. if you can help them out, please consider a donation to first responders first, which awferlz first-class medical and psychological treatment for the first responders. find out how you can help at the link below. until tomorrow, stave safe out there, wear a mask, and remember: blue lives matter more than black lives matter. when white lives come along, those blue lives don't mean shit. heres it, your moment of zen. >> it's like just say bye-bye,

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