zero. it feels so good to have no unread emails-- because, like, there's everybody and -- ( phone ding ) thanks a lot, boner-pills-dot-net, you ruined it! ...that is a pretty good deal though... i'm going to subscribe. can we cut that -- we'll edit that out. yeah? anyway, on tonight's show: cats are giving us covid, monkeys are taking our jobs, and your mom can't get a vaccine. plus, filmmaker stanley nelson is joining us on the show. so let's do this, people! welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> from trevor noah's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is "the daily social distancing show" with trevor noah. ♪ ♪ >> trevor: let's kick things off with president joseph "rolex" biden. he has been in office for less than a week, but man, he's

already putting his stamp on the presidency with a series of eye catching progressive moves. >> president biden has ended a ban on transgender people in the military. mr. biden signed an executive order yesterday reversing a policy ordered by then president trump. >> president joabdz plans to make a switch to electric vehicles replacing the white house fleet. >> the white house added a sign language interpreter to the briefings. he says they will be a regular part of daily press briefings during the biden presentation. >> the treasury department will resume efforts to put harriet tubman on the $20 bill. the plan to replace andrew jackson on the 20 was originally announced during the obama administration but president trump delayed that project. >> trevor: damn joe biden coming in hot! he's walking into the white house like it's the first day of prison. yo! who's the wokest (~bleep~) in here because i'm about to whip

his or her or their ass. executive orders. trans rights, harriet up the man on the $20 billion and electric cars. harriet went underground but came back when it's safe. this might be too little too late because no one uses cash. it will be sayer to incorporate her into the venmo logo. still, replacing one of the most racist presidents with a black woman who helped slaves escape is amazing progress. if you went back in time and told andrew jackson joe biden was doing this, he would be, like, wait, joe biden? that guy who just got elected to the senate? and let's be honest, the sign language interpreter is way overdue. trump already had a sign language interpreter for some of his briefings but this is much better. and i'm happy about the electric car thing! but i will say, part of me thinks that it's just so that

the government has quieter cars to sneak up on us, you know, because now you will never know when they're drive -- moving on. do you drink coconut milk? first of all, congratulations on being basic. second, you might want to make sure that it's ethically sourced. >> on a consumer watch this morning target is the latest retailer to drop coconut milk, a milk company forcing monkeys to farm the coconuts. target says it's taking the claims seriously and removed the product from shelves back in november. the milk company denies all claims of animal labor saying a recent audit of farms found no forced monkey labor. >> trevor: i'm sorry, hold on, forced monkey labor? i didn't know it was possible to force a monkey to pick coconuts. i mean, that's a lot of effort to to through just so that we can drink the inside of a tree's

testicle. now i will state for the record i do agree, don't be forcing monkeys into labor. you've got to do the right thing and pay the monkeys. you can just write them a check. how many will cash it? half? still coming out on top. stopping monkey labor is important, not just for the monkeys, but for human kind, too, because we're not going to be able to compete against a monkey for a job. i would like a living wage. i will the it did for bananas. damn you, bongo! but let's turn now to the coronavirus pandemic, the only thing more infectious than a song by dewey leaper. by now everyone knows there are a few ways to avoid catching the disease -- wear a. ♪ , social distancing and roast coronavirus so hard it doesn't want to come near you. damn look at you corona! you got so many zits looks like you exfoliate with pizza crust! ha ha ha!

( crying ) no, no, don't cry. ah, now i feel bad. of course, another big one, do not gather indoors for parties, no matter how important the event is. >> a small-town in chile is dealing with a covid outbreak that all began with a celebration for a f feline. authorities say 15 people came down with the virus after a birthday party for a cat. 10 attended the party and five others are friends or family members to have the cat's owner. the birthday cat was not infected. >> trevor: goddam these people got covid from a cat birthday party? yo! that's the most embarrassing thing i've ever heard. i don't want my last words on my death bed to be tell whether whiskers i had a great time! this is such a weird story. first of all, because i can't believe someone who would throw a cat birthday party actually has friends and, secondly, cats don't even like parties. when have you ever seen a cat that's, like, i room with loud

humans in it, i hope someone straps something on to my head, meow. it's true. it's incredibly disappointing we are a full year into coronavirus and we still can't socialize normally. a lot of people thought the end was two months ago when the coronavirus vaccine was approved. if you've had a hard time on getting a vaccine, congratulations on being basic because millions are in the same boat. >> in the u.s. injection plans are entangled in red tape a confusing patchwork of eligibility rules and poor communications. >> the country's war against coronavirus waged as 50 separate battles, each state with its own vaccination strategy. >> local and state officials say the real problem is supply. >> governors angry reserved doses promised by the federal government are unavailable. >> they were lying. they don't have any doses held back. >> unpredictable allegations are causing delays and confusion across the country.

>> at its current pace, california won't vaccinate even half its residents till thanksgiving. >> a new york vaccine supply crisis is ex calculating. the open vaccination sites, all now on hold because to have the shortage. >> in west virginia, 25,000 extra vaccine doses never showed up. >> if you can buy a vape pen on every corner in l.a., you should be able to get a vaccine in every gas station. >> trevor: you know what? that doctor is 100% right, gas stations should offer vaccines, and not just for corona, they should give you vaccine for everything you pick up from the bathroom key. i don't know that this is really a surprise, guys. we sowf seen this coming when popeyes ran out of chicken. if america can't handle sandwich distribution, what chance do they have with a vaccine. no way the vaccine rollout was going to go smoothly. everything with covid has been a horror mo movivey, why would the

end be different? if a killer spent 90 minutes stabbing people, he wouldn't come out at the end, i just realize something, what i really need to kill are my insecurities. so the federal government is having trouble getting vaccine doses to the states and states are having trouble getting them to healthcare providers, but even once vaccines are available, people who need them are having way too hard a time getting to them. >> if you have been able to get a covid vaccine, maybe you should go play the power ball because you are extremely lucky. that's because around the the country people are trying to get the shop and being met with crashing web sites, long lines, canceled appointments and shortages. >> in houston, a cold center for making vaccines crashed, 2,000 calls for 750 slots. >> research shows only 60% of 75 and older use the internet. >> i feel like i'm in a maze

with no open doors. >> from texas to tennessee to florida, people waiting in lines for hours for a shot. >> in daytona, florida, some senior citizens spent the night in their cars. >> this is the most insane thing, no porta-potties and there are three people working the entire line. >> we're not teenagers. we're talking about 75 and seniors. >> trevor: no, guys. this is unacceptable. the only time a senior citizen should be in a car for nine hours is when they're trying to make a left turn in front of you, and that's it. i feel bad for a lieutenant of old people because they can't figure out how to make appointments on these complicated web sites, which means it's going to be super awkward for some of them because they will have to get back in touch with their estranged children. hello, my son. i've decided to accept you for who you are. yeah, i know. i know. now bring your gay laptop over here and help me make a vaccine appointment.

>> trevor: and what makes all of this even more frustrating is, while most vaccination sites don't have enough doses, turns out there are some that have too many. >> wasting valuable vaccine doses, it is a problem that understandably has officials concerned. >> in some places across the country leftover doses have been thrown out, doses that could be give ton anyone-run wishing to get vaccinated but not eligible to get the shot because they don't fit the demographic criteria. >> healthcare workers in massachusetts were forced to throw doses out because people aren't showing up for amoiments and the vaccine is going bad. >> regular guy david mcmillan randomly got a moderna shot at a d.c. grocery store when first responders missed their appointment. healthy 26-year-old was in a brooklyn clinic for a coronavirus test and told there was one vaccine dose left for anyone who wanted it. >> there was no one there. they were about to close the clinic for the day, it was my arm or the garbage. >> trevor: this is wild, people. you have 75-year-olds waiting

overnight in their cars and then you've got 26-year-olds stumbling into a vaccine because someone missed their appointment. which, by the way, who is missing an appointment for a covid vaccine? what else are these people doing? are there really people out there who are, like, sure, i have a vaccine appointment at 3:00 p.m., but i also have this cat birthday party i'm supposed to photo, so lirps and, look, i don't mean to be a hater, but could the scientists not make vaccines that don't go bad this fast? it's the most advanced technology on earth but at the same time they sage like avocados? hey, i just cut open an avocado. would you like some? you know what? too late, it's rotten now. it may not surprise you that the problems with the vaccine rollout are not affecting everyone equally. it's a basic fact of life that people with money can too much jump to the head of the line, and turns out covid vaccines are no different. >> it's a bit difficult for a lot of people to get a vaccine because to have the shortage in doses, so some are getting

desperate, trying to find the vaccine on the black market. >> doctors in los angeles with being offered up to $25,000 in exchange for early access to the vaccine. >> this cyber security expert uncovered these ads on the dark web, covid vaccines available. this one for $500. this one $1,000. even offering overnight delivery. >> some wealthy and well-connected people are trying to cut the line. in florida, officials are investigating reports that a luxury assisted living facility offered and vaccinated its board members and wealthy donors out of turn. >> since florida does not require people seeking vaccines to be u.s. citizens or even florida residents, it's led to some visitors coming from abroad to get vaccinated. critics call it vaccine tourism. >> there is evidence a dozen wealthy argentineans traveled to miami to get their shots. one argentine tv personality posted video on instagram

showing her elderly mother getting vaccinated. >> trevor: oh, man, this is not where america wants to be. it's so poorly run that people from other countries are just waltzing in, plundering its resources and leaving. ha ha! not so much fun when it happens to you, senior bitch! but, look, i'm not surprised the wealthy are finding a way to game the system. i will say i'm not really sure these people should be trusting a black market vaccine that they found on the dark web. thank you so much -- wait, hold on. is vaccine supposed to be spelled with a k? hey! do you want vakkakine or not? no denying that the vaccine distribution is going badly for a whole host of reasons, but it does not have to be this way, because america has a history of mass vaccination programs and it turns out they have been pretty successful in the past. >> for centuries, the smallpox

virus ravaged the globe, so when a new outbreak hit new york in april of 1947, city officials launched an urgent offensive, vaccinating more than 6 million people in less than a month. vaccination stations were set up in all municipal hospitals and clinics, every police precinct station house and in private factories and offices. >> the idea that you could vaccinate 6 million people in that short period of time is stunning. it's an absolute public health triumph that they were able to do this. they saved thousands of lives. at the current time, probably the government doesn't have the kind of public health infrastructure that they'd need to be able to do this. >> trevor: honestly, guys? that is a little embarrassing. america can barely get its vaccination program off the ground, but in 1947, new york managed to vaccinate 6 million people in a month! and, sure, it was easier to vaccinate offmillion people back

then. there wasn't shit else to do, you know. there was radio and three tv channels. getting stabbed with a needle was the most exciting thing you could do with your day. but the point is that america had the infrastructure and the healthcare system to handle such a huge task. although, it was 1947. so that means everything still had cocaine in it. hey! you want a vaccine? boom, boom, boom, boom! who needs a vaccine? everybody got a vaccine? i'm going to grab more to have the sodas that make me happy. while it may be depressing to see that things are worse than 70 years ago, it shows you what america is capable of when it rises to the challenge. so, america, i say to you now,et, let's learn from the pa. in fact, you know what? i'm going to travel back in tame to the 1940s when things were better with vaccinations and pick up some pointers. they call me the n-word.

when we come back, president trump is getting divorced. yeah, i said it. so don't go away. >> hello, i'm attorney leo deb lynn with a special message to rudolph juliannis. it seems that you are being sued now for $1.3 billion by the dominican voting system. i think only assume that you will need representation, unless you are crazy enough to represent yourself. i would like to offer my services, leo deblin. i'm the proprietier of many successful businesses, such as leo deblin porn cafe, the leo deblin at a light and of course leo deblin's space college and institute of barbering. do not let the dominican's voting system intimidate you. get strong legal representation that will help you make sure that you don't go to jail! my legal fees are only $85 an

hour. you can get that from your momma. be blessed rudolph, and i will see you -- in the courtroom.

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show." it's no secret that donald trump's transition out of office was a painful one. he caused a major rift in the g.o.p., but his relationship with the g.o.p. isn't the only one that's been strained. you see, there was another organization that played an equally important role in trump's political rise -- fox news. for four years, they treated trump the way a white lady treats her dog -- he was a good boy, and if he peed on you, it was your fault. and the love was mutual. but sometime between trump's campaign for reelection and campaign for insurretion, the relationship went south. >> today, president trump is taking on fox news, as you see right here, retweeting days' old replies, bashing the channel and

suggesting that fox is to blame for his defeat. >> i don't know what the hell happened to fox. what happened to fox? boy, oh, boy. >> president trump is blasting fox news, suggesting it has become another "mainstream media outlet." now, this is as the president tack to twitter wednesday to say that watching the channel is almost as bad as watching fake news cnn. >> we have a lot of support. you would be amazed. we have a lot of support. so many people we have as supporters outside of just, you know, our -- our fox news, which, you know, i have my own little -- i have my own little difficulties with, if you want to know the truth. now, fox is very disappointing. that fox puts on this -- this would not have happened with roger ailes, i've got to tell you that. >> trevor: i have to be honest, so weird to see trump turn on fox news because they were so loyal to him. they put their necks on the line for him again and again, even when they didn't have much neck

to begin with. but now, it looks like this love affair is over, and even though trump's been married three times, this might be the big tion breakup overhis life, and we can't wait for the croom drama that this is going to inspire. >> they were the perfect match, but the love didn't last. this year, get ready for the divorce trial of the century. ( gavel pounding ) >> all right. we will now hear the case of donald john trump versus fox news. i understand both parties are requesting a divorce, citing irreconcilable differences. is that correct? >> yes, your honor. >> yes, if you mean by irreconcilable differences back stabbing buttheads. >> here we can. your honor, my client has suffered too long with the lying racist partner who incites insurrection. they want to find a laying racist partner who doesenned

incite insurrection. >> your honor, my client spent four years promoting fox news shows, rallies, international summits, other fox news shows, and what did fox news do in return? they refused to call the 2020 election for him just because joe biden won it. >> that's a good point. >> this betrayal has inflicted emotional, physical and dietary harm. it made him sad, and he eats junk food when he's sad, and when he's happy, and when he feels nothing. but that's irrelevant to this case. your honor, i object. >> the tension is high but the stakes are even higher. >> all right, let's get down to business and start splitting up the big juicy assets. councillor. >> he's keeping the republican party. >> absolutely not. that was fox's property prior to the relationship. he can have the maga base only. i'm talking the trump tattoo, felony livestrom base the ones who haven't combed their beards since the mid 90s. >> none of those rioters will be

able to vote from jail in the next election. we want the whole party. he invested in the g.o.p., renovations, upgrades, spine removal. who tuning bide for mitch mcconnell's brazilian butt lift? >> nie uh that was fake! >> a breakup this messy affect the whole family. >> let's talk custody. i see here six children. i thought trump only had five kids. is there a secret love child. >> no, the petition refers to steve, ainsley, brian, tucker, laura, sean, the ones he loves. >> mr. trump's lifestyle can't give them the stability they need to thrive. especially brian kilmeade, he doesn't understand what's going on. >> this verdict will be the most paid results in our lifetimes. >> before i get to my decision, i would like to implore both parties to remember what this relationship used to be. this relationship was founded on

love and trust and common interests that mr. trump and fox shared, unlike wealth and n.d.a.s, but ultimately this case comes down to one thing, whoever gave me the biggest bribe. so this court hereby rules in favor of -- >> coming soon to a courtroom near you. >> trevor: oooh! i can't wait to watch! all right, when we come back, film maker stanley nelson will come back to talk about the crack epidemics and all the things you didn't kno action! faster, faster! they're gaining on you! ♪ ♪ [engine revving]

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earlier today, i spoke with award-winning filmmaker stanley nelson. his latest documentary examines the crack epidemic of the 1980s and its lasting impact on america. we talked about that and more >> there are tens of millions of dollars going into expanding the prison system, and that is when we really began to see the explosion of prison populations in the u.s. >> incarceration rates take off under clinton, but then, about the same time, '94, people start to become concerned that the people who were being arrested for crack were almost

exclusively black. >> trevor: stanley nelson, welcome to "the daily social distancing show." >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: as one of america's most prolific documentary film-makers, you've received multiple awards, everything from emmys to awards from president barack obama himself. you've always been adept at telling the story of the african-american experience, and it feels like all stories would be incomplete without the story of the crack epidemic and the lies that surrounded that time in american history. as a filmmaker who told every kind of story, why did you feel this is a story you needed to tell and everybody needed to see? >> well, i thought that the crack era was something we really hadn't looked back on and, you know, hadn't looked back on through the lens of time and through the distance of time. you know, there was a lot of overblown reporting at the time, a lot of hyperbole, a lot of misconceptions, and i thought it was time that we looked at it in a new light. >> trevor: now, just one of

the many things that makes this documentary special is that you are a native of harlem. you lived in harlem during the height of the crack epidemic, and you lived in harlem during the height of the war on drugs. >> yeah, i mean, the crack era was crazy, for anybody who doesn't remember it. it was nuts, you know, from the middle '80s to about the middle '90s, it was crazy. there were crack dealers everywhere. i remember coming home from a party at 3:00 at night and driving past a block in harlem and it looked like broad daylight. literally, there were 100 people on this one block, so it was everywhere. people were driving around in cars saying, you know, crack, got that crack, you know, everywhere. you know, you didn't have to be sherlock holmes to find it, you know, to -- for law enforcement to see that it was going on and that it was everywhere. you know, people had locks on their cars, people, you know, had to protect their car radios. i remember people also had steering wheels that you could

remove, like you could remove your steering wheel and take it with you, make your car almost impossible to steal. so it was just crazy. >> trevor: you talk to some of the most interesting people during this documentary, you interview subjects that range from the journalists who were covering it, the police who were involved on both sides of it -- and we'll talk about that a little bit more -- but you also talked to the drug dealers also themselves, you talked to the people who were pushing this on the streets. first question, how did you convince them to do this and, secondly, why did you think it was important to have them be part of the telling of the story? >> i just thought that the lies that were told about crack, you know, and partly the lies told about the dealers, the lies that were told about the users -- you know, we interviewed one dealer sampson styles who was helpful in finding people to be interviewed and became an assistant producer. he was working at mcdonald's

for minimum wage, had a high school sweetheart pregnant with a baby on the way and somebody offered him crack to sell. all of a sudden, in 20 minutes, he was sold out and had hundreds of dollars in his pocket, so he started selling crack. so i think it was important to cast the dealers in a new light. you know, this wasn't a guy who woke up one day and said, you know, i want to devastate my community, i want to be some evil guy. this was a high school kid who was working at mcdonald's. >> trevor: this documentary opens people's eyes not just to how the police were dealing with the crack epidemic but how many of the police were involved in the distribution of drugs, the selling of drugs, the maintaining of the drug networks. talk me through that. i mean, that's a scary narrative to go down. how do you make sure that, you know, you're getting correct information? how do you make sure that you're talking to the people who just don't have a grudge against the police and are giving people information that is pertinent to

the story you're telling. >> the film has no narrator, so the people we had talked to are the people who lived it. we hear cops from clips back then talking about busting drug dealers and taking their drugs, you know, that police, as you arrest somebody on the corner, basically, you can take their drugs and their money and let jail. you know, the police themselves give that story. one of the crack dealers tells a great story how the police, you know, gave him back all his crack when they busted him and said, you know, hey, tell your boss that we did you a favor. and he goes to his boss and his boss says, yeah, well, we're paying them off, that's why. it's from people's own words. i think one of the things that really best said it in the film was that there was so much money and it was so crazy in the crack era that the whole community was corrupted, everybody was somehow corrupted, you know, by this

thing. >> trevor: one of the -- i will say one of the most powerful indictments in this documentary for me is looking at the media, looking at how the media covered this epidemic, looking at how the media framed what was happening, looking at how the media vilified black people as a community. they didn't seem to do any journalism, even though it was the news. they just seemed the parrot the prop dan gayda coming out from the nate government at the time. when you look back on that media and which see this in the documentary, what do you think they were responsible for or how much of the war on drugs that went wrong do you think the media was responsible for? >> the media was definitely part of it. you know, they'd latch on, to you know, crack babies and have headlines about 100,000 crack babies are going to, you know, invade the schools in new york city, but also all over the country, it changed the whole education system. you know, crack mommas, you know, crack hos, that's

something we heard over and over again, and it was never an analysis of what was going on. we talked to a crack user in the film and she talks about being arrested five times for possession, not for dealing or committing in i crime, but for having crack in her pocket, and never once is she offered treatment. >> trevor: what's really painful as well in this documentary is you watch the story of how black women bore the brunt oftentimes of this narrative. you know, as you said, the crack mommas and the crack babies and black women were labeled as unable to raise their children and not good mothers and painted with a broad brush. it's interesting that now as we see the opioid epidemic those same terms and those same ideas haven't been repeated. do you think that's because the media has learned from its previous mistakes? >> i think it's because, you know, the opioid crisis is seen as a white problem, as a health problem. you know, the people aren't

vilified, they have a health problem. i don't think the media has looked back on the crack era and said, oh, we made a mistake. i don't think that's been done, no. >> trevor: as the creator of the film, what do you hope people walk away with? what is the one thing, if there's one story that you would hope people remember after watching this tim? >> yeah, i don't mean to sound like this, but i don't think there's one story. i think that, really, the story is, you know, how we got to where we are and what the steps were that bring us up to the present, you know, and i think it's never a bad thing to think about how we got here. you know, especially now. i mean, you know, what's happening in this country, you know, how did we get here. >> trevor: right. >> in the film, we talk about the war on drugs and the militarization of the police and all of a sudden you see the pleats with tanks and automatic weapons and body armor, and all

of that came from the war on drugs, which largely came from the war on crack. >> trevor: well, i'll tell you this, few stories are all income passing like this. i encourage everybody to watch this. i wish people would watch it in schools. once again, you've done an amazing job. thank you for taking the time and being with us here today. >> thank you so much. >> trevor: don't forget, you can watch "crack: cocaine, corruption & conspiracy" right now on netflix. we'll take a quick break but we'll take a quick break but we'll be right back after this. you need,

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the coronavirus pandemic is as bad as it has ever been, but luckily the one thing that keeps us going is our first responders are still out on the front lines saving lives. and if you want to help them out, please consider a donation to "first responders first," an organization offering first-class medical and psychological treatment for first responders. find out more at the link below. until tomorrow -- stay safe out there, wear a mask, and i'll see you at fluffy's quinceanera this weekend. now, here it is -- your moment of zen. >> live television, gang. that's live tv for ya. >> excuse me. my kids are here.

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