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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  January 28, 2021 1:16am-2:00am PST

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this year. >> they realized that all of the institutional investors were hedging on gamestop, so they just bought a bunch of call options, bought a bunch of stock and created the gamma squeeze that you saw on friday. >> trevor: okay, okay, i don't know about you, but that explanation is way too complicated. short selling the thing of the long sell and then-- look what we really need is the scene from "the big short," where margot robbie breaks it down for us in the bath tub. and i actually called her to do, that but she blocked my number, so i had to figure out plan "b." basically, there's a group of people on reddit who don't use the stock market to invest. they use it to gamble. and, yeah, that's what lots of "serious" investors do, too. but these guys on reddit are more honest about it, and they love to troll the people who aren't. so, there's a store called gamestop that sells video games-- not a great business to
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be in since games can be downloaded now. which is why the serious investors decided to short gamestop, which means to bet against it. but the redditors are gamers who have a semi-ironic love for the store. so they started making memes encouraging each other to punish the serious people by buying worthless gamestop stocks. now, instead of failing, gamestop is succeeding wildly. not really, of course, not as a business. but, come on, stocks are never real. the serious people have already lost $5 billion, and some giant hedge funds have gone bankrupt. got it? good. now let's get out of margot robbie's bathroom before she gets home and scooz me what i'm doing here. the last time she caught me here was a bit awkward. >> now that we're on the same page, this shit is wild. and i know some people are
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saying, "this isn't how wall street is supposed to work. what is going to happen to the hedge funds?" wall street is going to be fine. there is millions of people out of work and thousands of businesses closing and yet the stock market is at an all-time high. i'm not worried about hedge fund guys. they can cry on their helicopter that takes them to their boat that takes them to their yacht. i think it's funny when wall street doesn't like when somebody wall streets them. when they make moves that cost people their homes, they're like, hey, man, those are the rules." but when it happens to them they're like, "those aren't the rules. is somebody going to regulate this." and they are moving beyond gamestop. now they're pumping up the stock prices of other failing companies like bed bath & beyond, a.m.c., and even tootsie roles. which, by the way, i didn't even know that tootsie role had its own stock. who was that for?
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it's a candy that looks and tastes like a turd but also sticks to your tithe. interested in investing? now, if you think about it, the only reason these reddittors have been able to pull this off is because of the internet. think about it reddit and the social media, they make it possible to get together with people who think like you. this wasn't possible decades ago. now if you want to take down a hedge fund, you can find people to help you do it. if you want to plan an insurrection, you can find people to help you do it. if you're the only person in the world attracted to that part stapler that looks like a face, then i'll see you at hotstaplerfaces.com. let's move on to something that isn't surging, humans >> it's a trend that sometimes happens after blizzards, long power outages, or whenever couples might have a lot of time to kill and not much to do. many people joked that covid stay-at-home orders would lead to a new nationwide baby boom. we talked about that. but some researchers predict we
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might just see the exact opposite. it's looking like that "baby boom" is actually a "baby bust." >> the brookings institution estimates this year could see a dip from 2019 approaching 300,000 fewer births. >> the u.s. birth rate will decline an estimated 7% to 10% this next year. that's on top of an already 35-year low. >> trevor: wow! so, apparently, these past 10 months have been all netflix and no chill. honestly,@im not surprised. who is into "tiger king." when you're sitting next to someone, you're like, goddamn carol bafngin." you're not making babies to that. apparently nobody has been making babies while they're in lockdown. i mean, when you think about it, it makes sense. when you're spending 24 hours a day with someone for months, the last thing you want to do is make another one of them to hang out with. not to mention, i've been so scared of getting covid, i don't even see my own family. so i'm definitely not going to
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let a stork hand deliver me a baby. no, thank you. what do you mean that's not where they come from? where do they-- sex? so you have sex with a stork? plus i agree with these people-- they're right about the economy. i don't need a baby. i already have enough mouths to feed: my mouth and the other mouth on the side of my neck. "did you say something, trevor?" go back to sleep, cornelius. but this story actually gives me a great idea. if there are fewer babies that means there will be fewer kids. that means fewer daycares and daycares will lose business, and wall street will shot invest in daycares so i'm buying daycares. i lost everything, why isn't this regulated. and, finally, let's do something your dad always wanted to do on vacation and check in on the baseball hall of fame.
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it's where the game celebrates its greatest players. but this year, the celebration is going to be a tiny bit smaller. >> all the former baseball players who were eligible for induction into the baseball hall of fame this year struck out. no player was named on the required 75% of ballots from the baseball writers' association of america. seven-time cy young winner roger clemens failed to get enough votes in his ninth year on the ballot. clemens was suspected of having used performance-enhancing drugs during his career. he denies that. and baseball's all-time home run leader, barry bonds, also failed in his ninth try. he was also believed to have taken performance-enhancing drugs. pitcher curt schilling, who won three world series titles, fell 16 votes short. since retiring, schilling has faced criticism for posting social media comments critical of muslims, transgender people, and journalists. >> trevor: tisk, tisk. social media is bad news, guys, because i can guarantee you there's a lot of bigots in the baseball hall of fame. they just didn't have social
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media to tell you about it. you think ty cobb was woke? i mean, just as a rule, any baseball player whose card was a painting probably hated somebody. i respect that the baseball hall of fame wants to maintain their integrity, but it is kind of funny that the hall of fame has higher standard than the u.s. government. because some baseball player is like, "i don't want to share a bathroom with this person." and the hall of famer is like, get out of here. make some laws or something." >> let's move on to the main story, the coronavirus. you know, it's the reason you're eating a caesar salt add on the sidewalk in 30-degree weather the entire world is struggling with the pandemic, but some are handling it better than others. so let's catch up on the latest corona news around the world in another episode of "keeping up with corona." first things first: just because we have a vaccine for the coronavirus doesn't mean it's going away immediately. in fact, right now, it's only
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getting worse. >> the urgency of the vaccine effort even more critical this evening, a race against time as those new and more-contagious strains of the virus spread. >> covid-19 has been mutating throughout this pandemic, and in recent months, you've had these disturbing variants emerge that have been discovered in the u.k., south africa, and brazil. >> reporter: epidemiologists warn, with the new variants, even brief interactions, like an outdoor chat without a mask or having a cup of coffee indoors, can increase your transmission by up to 70%. authorities still don't know why the new variants are so contagious. so as an extra layer of protection, they recommend wearing two masks. >> trevor: whooo! coronavirus is one hell of a competitor, man. it's like michael jordan-- it heard we made a vaccine and it was like, "and i took that personally." because so far, there's three major variants out there, and new ones are popping up all the time.
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pretty soon, we're going to need a sommelier to tell them apart. "ah, yes, here we have a 2021 from the foothills of wales. very strong. if you give that a smell, you'll notice you can't smell." but because these variants are so much more infectious, authorities are now suggesting that everybody wear two masks, which i think is a great idea especially for america, because when experts said "wear a mask," half the country was like, "hell, no. that's my freedom!" so if you tell them to wear two masks, they'll be like, "screw you! i'm only wearing one mask, libtard! and it turns out these new variants are hitting particularly hard right now, because a year of restrictions, people are getting tired of that lockdown life. >> a new covid lockdown in the netherlands has sparked violent protests that continue tonight. protestors have fought with police in several dutch cities, setting fires to buildings. hundreds of arrests have been made since the protests started over the weekend. the lockdown includes a
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9:00 p.m. curfew. that's the first in the netherlands since world war ii. >> trevor: all right, guys, this right here is a bad sign. how are we going to keep lockdowns going in the rest of the world when the country that invented legal weed is losing its shit? i mean, the netherlands are supposed to be one of the chill countries. think about it-- how often do you hear, "careful, carefuly, you don't want to mess with that dude. he's dutch." although, on the other hand, knowing the dutch, the paintings but, yeah, of course people hate lockdowns. i mean, even just the name, "lockdown," sounds like something you should get mad about. what they really need to do is rebrand lockdowns, you know? make it more appealing. like, call it a "nationwide slumber party" or "extended cozy time" or the "pretend you're an indoor cat challenge." of course, lockdowns are always a temporary fix. the real solution is going to be
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getting everyone vaccinated, and one country is showing how it's done. >> the world's biggest success story right now, israel. israel is a relatively small country, but it has administered far more first doses. >> israel continues to lead the world in vaccinations using the american-made pfizer or moderna vaccines. >> while in most countries around the world you have to be part of a priority group to be vaccinated, israeli clinics have been giving out any remaining doses to the general public after the day's scheduled appointments end for priority patients. >> everything is done through our phones. we all get notification where we can receive the vaccination, and it works very, very well. >> trevor: wow, well done, to israel, leading the world in vaccinations. and it makes sense that they're dong this through peoples' phones. i mean, there's already an app where you can catch diseases. so why not have one that cures them, too? what i don't understand is why can't america have that app, too? israel doesn't even have to change it, i'll learn hebrew. everything's closed, i got nothing else to do!
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now, as important as getting everyone vaccinated is, there's one thing that's even more important: making sure your vaccine actually works. >> chinese company, sinovac, says it has confidence in its vaccine, and it has just been picked up by indonesia, brazil, and turkey. but there's been skepticism over the veracity of its data. >> questions are beginning to arise because indonesia also conducting its own trial, releasing numbers that put its efficacy out about 70%. brazil's findings for this very same vaccination, dropped efficacy down to 50%." >> trevor: yes, much like an airplane touch screen, china's vaccine only works about 50% of the time. no "lion king. lion king. play lion king. play liong king. i guess i'm watching "cats." and i gotta say, guys, i feel really bad for these countries. how could they have guessed that china would make a cheap
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knockoff of the vaccine? what do you do, start standing three feet away from other people. hug only one grandparent. it doesn't mean they stopped moving forward. >> china has begun carrying out anal swabs for covid in a controversial move that's received some pushback. a hospital in beijing carried out the swabs when testing staff at a school, while authorities in some hot-spot areas may introduce the measure for people arriving from abroad. >> they've been doing blood serum tests to determine if people have covid antibodies, and in some places, including a beijing hospital, they carried out anal swabs, with the idea being the presence of the virus in excrement is longer to detect than, say, if you do2a mouth swab.
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>> trevor: you know what? there's a point at which i would just rather have the corona virus. although, i can't say i'm surprised to hear this. i mean, scientifically speaking, the anus is the nostril of the butt. and the plus side is, with testing like this, you might not even need a vaccine. you just tell people, "we're not having lockdowns, but every time you leave your apartment, some stranger is going to shove a q-tip up your butt." we'll be done with corona in, like, two weeks. all right, when we come back, we'll figure out how biden and the republicans can come together. and amanda gorman, the superstar poet from the inauguration, is joining us on the show. so don't go away.
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let's talk about america's new president: joseph rafiki biden. there's no doubt he's got a tough job ahead of him. but in his inauguration speech last week, biden made clear what his top priority is. >> to overcome these challenges, to restore the soul and secure the future of america requires so much more than words. it requires the most elusive of things in a democracy: unity. unity. unity. unity. unity. >> trevor: unity... unity... unity? unity... but, look, i get it. america has been divided for the last four years-- technically 12 if you include the obama years. actually, it was pretty divided under bush and clinton, too. and bush. then you had the 60s, and the
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civil war... and the whole thing with the pilgrims and the indians wasn't great, either. all right, so america's been divided for, like, 2,000 years now. the point is unity. so i can see why unity would be very appealing for people right now. but for unity to work, you have to agree on what unity is. and in washington right now, they're not even united on that. >> u.s. senator john cornyn from texas, his response to the inclusion of transgender people in the military was to tweet, "another unifying move by the new administration, question mark?" >> democrats claim to want to unify the country, but impeaching a former president, a private citizen, is the antithesis of unity. >> joe biden, you talk about unifying the country. pursuing impeachment after he leaves the office will further divide the country. >> it's hard to unify when you're impeaching a president who has already left office. >> joe biden vowed that his top priority was-- quote-- unity.
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does anyone at this point still believe him? anybody? raise your hand at home. >> trevor: "raise your hand at home"? dude, only one of your viewers is dumb enough to think you can see him through the tv. because this is ridiculous. apparently, republicans think that unity means the democrats have to act like republicans. that's not what unity is. unity does not mean agreement. it doesn't mean doing whatever the other side wants. unity means "the state of being united." and "united" means "unified." and "unified" means-- to be in for the same thing. and thing-- same thing, means-- i'll tell you this much, unity doesn't mean you just do what the losers want, all right. it definitely doesn't mean you can't hold trump accountable for what he did. that wouldn't fly in court.
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"you are accused of manslaughter. how do you plead?" "i plead 'unity,' your honor." "man, get your ass to jail." and it's one thing to try to find unity with people who disagree with you on policies, but how do you find unity with people who don't even recognize your legitimacy? >> a clear majority of house republicans, who are now kind of braying about unity, voted to overturn the election and, in effect, make trump president for four more years over the will of the voters. >> this election was not stolen. do you accept that fact? >> well, what i would say is that the debate over whether or not there was fraud should occur. we never had any presentation in court where we actually looked at the evidence. >> republican congresswoman marjorie taylor greene, a qanon supporter, she has repeatedly indicated support for executing prominent democratic politicians. in 2019, she liked a comment that said, "a bullet to the head would be quicker to remove house speaker nancy pelosi." in 2018, she said, "the stage is being set," after someone asked whether they could hang
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president obama and hillary clinton. >> trevor: holy shit! this marjorie taylor greene lady wanted to shoot pelosi and hang obama and hillary? this woman is something else. it's like a normal karen fell into a vat of chemicals and then became a batman villain. i mean, how can you achieve unity with someone who literally wants you dead? there's a reason why "planet earth" never ends with a bill being signed. "suddenly, the cheetah lunges at the young gazelle, eager to reach a bipartisan agreement and seriously, people, forget the countryfor a minute. that's their coworker! imagine going into work everyday knowing one of your coworkers wants to kill you. a coworker stole my yogurt one time, and i still hold it against him. i was hungry for 20 minutes that day, kevin! you're a monster! look, considering where the republican party is right now,
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i don't know if the two sides can really come together. but it would be fun watching them try to talk their issues out. >> today, we're here to work on unity. now, this is a safe space to share your feelings and hopefully find some common ground. democrats, let's start with you. what does unity mean to you? >> we want unity. you know, it's about coming together and, you know, respecting each other. >> wrong! wrong. >> ah, republicans, you had a very strong reaction to that. what does unity mean to you? >> unity is bringing everyone in the country together to do exactly what we want all the time. and if you have a problem with that, we'll storm your office. that's what unity is. >> hmmm... very good sharing. i love how honest you're being. >> yup. >> democrats, is that something you think you might be open to? >> no. he just said he wants to storm my office. >> or put you in prison. >> what! >> ah, actions, very good, very good. >> you know what? i feel we should have a bigger say.
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we won the election. >> you stole the election. >> now, remember, compromise, okay. so how about democrats won the election by stealing it? >> yeah, that's fair. >> no. it's not. look, we just want the republicans to come to the table in good faith and find areas we can agree on so we can pass meaningful laws. >> okay, let's explore this. republicans, when democrats just said that, what is it that you hear? >> ah, i heard that they want mandatory sharia socialism and to put ru paul on the $50 bill. that's what she said. >> that's not what i said at all! although i am open to the ru paul thing to jazz up the money. listen, if they really wanted unity, how do they explain the capitol riots. >> that could have been a real moment for unity, but there wasn't a single democrat in that mob because they're all talk with no insurrection. >> see, see, see, this is what
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he does. it's always my fault. >> it is always your fault. >> my fault? >> it's your fault every single time you're walking around like, "it's not my fault. it's not my fault." >> you can stop. both of you stop! especially the democrats. look, we're almost out of time, so what i'd like to do is just take a step back and look at all the progress we've made. >> excuse me, progress? >> there has been no progress. >> see. you finally agreed on something. you're both united behind the fact that you can never unite. unity achieved. republicans, you're cured. democrats, let's pick this up again next week. we have a lot to work through. >> cool, because i gotta run. i'm parked in a handicapped spot so i gotta run. >> of course you did, of course you did. >> trevor: all right, when we come back, action! faster, faster! they're gaining on you! ♪
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love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. (avo 2) get 0% for 63 months on select new 2021 models, now through february 1st. t-mobile is upgrading its network at a record pace. we were the first to bring 5g nationwide. and now that sprint is a part of t-mobile we're turning up the speed. upgrading over a thousand towers a month with ultra capacity 5g. to bring speeds as fast as wifi to cities and towns across america. and we're adding more every week. coverage and speed. who says you can't have it all? >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily social distancing show." earlier today, i spoke with poet, activist, and author, amanda gorman. we talked about what it was like being the youngest inaugural poet in history, and so much more. >> if we're to live up to our time, victory won't lie in the
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blade but in all the bridges we've made. that is the promise to glade the hill we climb, if only we dare it, because being american is more than a pride we inherit. it's the past we step into and how we repair it. >> trevor: amanda gorman, welcome to "the daily social distancing show." >> thank you so much for having me. i'm super excited. >> trevor: i am the one who should be excited. 2021 kictd off with a bang. it's been a whirlwind for everybody, but i think for you, more than most people, it has been extra whirlwindy, which is a word i trademarked and you can use one day if you'd like to in one of your poems. you went from not just being notable because you read a poem, the youngest ever inaugural poet, but also because of what the poem meant to people, because of the inspiration behind it, because of how people felt after they heard what you did. what has it been like for you, just in this little period since
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the inauguration? what has your world been like? >> my world has been crazy. i mean, it's been turned upside down. i mean, when i was writing the poem, i knew it was a historic moment. i knew it was an important moment, which is why i wanted to do just service. but i wasn't really paying attention to the ways in which my own personal life might change. i went, i did the poem, i walked up and just kind of expected everything to be the same. and i remember trying to open my instagram just to, you know, look at other people's posts, and all of my yaps are just crashed because of all of the followers flocking to my channel. it's been amazing and i'm still kind of absorbing it all like a sponge. >> trevor: the poem "the hill we climb," wasn't just momentous because of the day it was performed on. i think what made it special suincorporated, up until that day, the things so many people were feeling about america. if you don't mind, walk me through why you felt it was important to write a poem for that moment, and even still be
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writing the poem on the actual day that you were delivering it. >> right, exactly. well, for me, i mean, i was writing it and trying to find a way to encapsulate what had gone on over the past, you know, four years, and even looking more expansively than that. and then, you know, we had the insurrection at the capitol. so for me, it was trying to say we've had this reminder of the ways in which democracy is both fragile and also enduring and how... to defend it. i think a lot of times in cultures, we think of the ways in which we can cleanse ourselves with water. i think the way we can cleanse ourselveses with words, meaning this poem was an opportunity to kind of resanctify, repurify and reclaim not just the capitol building but american democracy and what it stands for. a pretty high ask of myself, but, you know, that's what i did when i showed up and i rolled up my sleeves, and that was the aim of the poem, to use words to try to go back to the quintessence of what america can be. >> trevor: i think you achieved that. i think you achieved that a
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thousand times over. it showed in how people responded. consider it from this perspective-- and you may not. this is how i saw it: on a day when joe biden is inaugurated, kamala harris is stepping into the role as v.p., lady gaga is performing, jennifer lopez is performing, you were the thing that people were looking-- you were the trending thing. it was like you competing with bernie sanders' mittens was basically it. that must be-- do you take a moment to go like, "man, this is surreal?" >> that is so surreal, especially because my friends, they're so funny and they come for blood. they were texting me, "joe biden did a good job opening up for amanda gorman." it's not a competition. you know it's not a fight over who wins the inauguration. and they were like, "but you did." i think for me, it was so daunting to be on a stage, you know. there was michelle obama to my right, and barack obama, hillary clinton, and what happened to the figures that have been
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mythologized for me and to find myself not only being in that space but owning it and claiming it was i think the highlight of my career. >> trevor: i believe that you are slated to perform at the super bowl. that is correct? >> yes. i didn't -- >> you understand, you understand, the juxtaposition of this right now, right? poetry at the superue understand the levels you've made it to, where they were like, this person is so good that we have to bring her to do poetry at the super bowl. >> right ( laughs ) literally, that went over my head, because i knew about the super bowl and the inauguration around the same time. and it was, like, there was not space in my head for both. like, i kept being like, "i have to write that inauguration poem." and my team was like, "there's this little thing called the super bowl which you should also keep in mind" so, you know, it's very rare i want to say, you know, it's not an extant possibility that a poet will be at something like
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the super bowl. it's just nothing i have really heard about before. >> trevor: right. >> so the moments i strive for in my lifetime, which is to bring poetry into the spaces that we least expect it so we can fully grapple with the ways in which it had heal and kind of resurrect us. >> trevor: let's talk a little bit about poetry. i mean, it feels like poetry, like some art forms, has its highs and then it has moments it disappears. why do you think we should never forget poetry? what is it about poetry that you feel society needs to hold on to? >> what i always say is poetry stands as a great reminder of the past that we stand on and the future that we stand for. i do not think it is, you know, coincidence that when america seeks to kind of consecrate its ideals, it does so through poetry. i don't think it's a coincidence that we see a poem at the base of the statue of liberty, as opposed to a scientific formula or even a prosaic paragraph. you know, why is it that we call
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forth poetry in those moments? or even point out to students, you know, when you're at a black lives matter march and you see banners that say they buried us but they didn't know we were seeds. that's poetry at a racial justice movement. it's poetry because it's inherently rebellious in its nature and i think it becomes the language and rhetoric of the people and we get to coopt it and play on it. what's more, we get to use those words to realize our thoughts and transform those thoughts into actions. >> trevor: you have a journey ahead of you that i think nobody can predict, which is exciting. and you've had a journey that has been unpredictable, you know. you-- you've talked about it, you know, growing up in a family with a single mom raising yourself and your twin sister and your brother as well and how you fought to achieve. my question to you is then what are you aspiring to, seeing that
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you've basically done it all, i mean, in the past few weeks? >> right. that's a great question. i mean, i'm really taking that time to sit back and think and like, wow, that was it. what's next? and for me, i don't think it's about kind of beating my last thing or even competing against myself. i hear that a lot. and that's fine for other people. i'm not necessarily fighting against myself or competing or contesting against anything i've done. but i want to keep on the trajectory that i started for myself. i never want to kind of dally or diverge from that. and for me, that just means using my poetry to touch and heal and impact as many people as possible. and that can be at the inauguration, the super bowl. it can be in a living room. it's often in classrooms with other students. and so that's what's next for me on the more, like, resume tick thing that i always have to mention when i'm on talk shows. i'm like, "i have three books coming out." there's also that. what i need to write. but i'm just chugging forward.
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>> trevor: i know everyone will be reading the books. thank you so much, amanda gorman, and congratulations on all your success. >> thank you, so much.■ç >> trevor: amanda's books, "the hill we climb," "change sings," and her poetry collection are all available to pre-order right now. okay, we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right quick break, but we'll be right back after this. when we started our business we were paying an arm and a leg for postage. i remember setting up shipstation. one or two clicks and everything was up and running.
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>> trevor: that's our show for tonight. but before we go: the coronavirus pandemic is as bad as it has ever been, but luckily we have first responders are still out on the front lines saving lives. and if you want to help them out, please consider a donation to "first responders first," which offers first-class medical and psychological treatment for first responders.■ç to find out more, go to the link below. until tomorrow, stay safe out there, wear a mask, and remember: the coronavirus variants are not like pokemon. you do not have to catch them all. but you can try. but you shouldn't. now, here it is, your moment of zen. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> the mayor of mount pleasant, south carolina, asked a chick-fil-a manager to help after seeing his city's vaccine drive-through in a gridlock. >> chick-fil-a should be the
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place that they're distributing the vaccine because it is so efficient. >> you have ever been to chick-fil-a and those lines are wrapped around? they get you going. >> their drive-throughs are like boom, boom, boom. >> they're very good at what they do at chick-fil-a. >> i can't fathom how they get all those cars through there. >> maybe the national based chick-fil-a took over the vaccination sites, we'd get our shots in no time. >> vaccine with a chicken sandwich. sounds delicious. >> yes, it does, their watch fell fries. ♪♪ ♪ pc babies! ♪ they're comin' to your town! narrator: the pc babies! ♪ the wokest kids around! ♪ when there's something problematic ♪ ♪ they're sure to let you know! ♪ ♪ making things fun and gender neutral ♪ ♪ everywhere they go ♪ they're everybody's fave-sies ♪
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