- what the hell is this? [arguing continues] - this has got to be fake. - screw this. this is just stupid. - oh, don't start with me, kenny! - fake! going on, everybody, i'm trevor noah and stht daily social distancing show. today is march 4th, which means it's the first week of women's history month. and to celebrate, we built a special program that will highlight a random woman from history so that we can celebrate her achievements. let's see who we got today. oh danica johnson! the first woman to order for a man at a restaurant. >> oh hi, thank you, we'll have the two fettuccinis please. >> but danica i don't like fettuccini. >> he loves fettuccinis. >> anyway, on tonight's show we look at joe biden's 50 latest

scandals. watch what first ladies really do and the pettiest thing a republican senator has done today. so let's do this, people. welcome to the daily social disthans-- distancing show. >> from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show with trevor noah. >> let's quick things-- kick things off with the coronavirus vaccine. it's reason america's hot new trend is hanging outside the dumpster at cvs. with more doses hitting the street every day the u.s. now expects to have enough vaccine for every adult by the end of may. but not everyone will have to wait that long. >> a group of grade eights in san diego have made history as the first animals to receive the covid-19 vaccines in the u.s. according to a wildlife health officer the decision to administer the vaccines came after eight gorillas at the san

diego zoo became the first great ape in the world to contract covid. >> trevor: okay, okay, i know some people out there might be mad that apes are getting the vaccine before them but it's all part of the priority list, people. it goes health care workers, the elderly, people with underlying conditions, apes, then you, right after teachers, children, people who don't want it, everyone who became elderly while you were waiting, then all your friends, then you. so just be patient. honestly, i think this is great. i mean not just because i can finally hang out with apes in person instead of over zoom like i'm doing right now pu because apes are noble creatures who were frankly way more deserving than any human. >> you got that, caesar. just remember old trevor had your back from day one. remember me when st your planet. let's make like q-anon and head

toafer the u.s. capitol. president biden and the democrats now have enough votes to get their coronavirus relief bill passed over republican objection. but while republicans can't kill the bill, at least one has found a way to be a dick about it. >> snot republicans launch an effort to reday the society on president biden's 1.9 trillion covid relief package. senator ron johnson from wisconsin says he plans to force senate staff to read the entire relief bill outloud on the floor adding at least ten hours to the process. >> i don't want to sound -- but i will read this. okay, so the first way i will read this is i am going to go down and object to the waiving the the reading of the bill. i will make them read, their 600 or 700 page bill. >> that's my man. ron johnson, delaying desperately needed aid he knows will get passed anyway and to all the hungry kids out there, be patient. ron johnson is making a symbolic point, you can eat tomorrow or

maybe next week, whatever. but on the real low, this is not just petty t is disgusting. and on top of that. i would respect him maybe a little bit more if he read the bill himself. but instead this bitch is making some poor clerk read it. like you don't get to act like are you some heroic resistor if someone else is doing the work. >> now i want to see how ron johnson defends his family. hey, you think you can hit on my wife? well you got another thing coming. kick his ass, wife, kick his ass. and by the way, i love how he says i don't want to sound like a leftist. that has become the new no homofor help cans, yo, bro, no leftist, but i think we should all get an equal share of guac on our chips. all right, let's move to our main story. president joseph rep ri hencable biden. and yeah, that is his new middle name. rep hi hencable because biden has been in office just six weeks and already he has had

more scandals than any president before him. as we will find out in another episode of joe biden, the worst president in history that we can remember. >> you know, it is hard to even keep track of all the scandalous things vow biden has done since the last time we did this segment but yesterday he said one of the most outrageous things anybody or at least anybody on fox news has ever heard. >> part of the president's plea with the american people when he took over was to stop talking about political opponents like they are enemies because they are not. and he is not calling these republican leaders reopening their state enemies but is he calling them neanderthals. >> i think it is a big mistake. >> the last thing we need is neanderthal thinking that in the meantime, everybody is fine, take off your mask, forget it. it still matters. >> what a uniter joe biden is, you know, this is mr. unity.

and yet if you disagree with him you are a neanderthal. >> it turns out he is just another snob. using dismissive, deplorable like de meaning language to describe people who didn't vote for him. >> he called them neanderthals. now you don't call one of the largest states in the union neanderthal, according to joe biden, only a neanderthal would lift covid restrictions on americans. >> i started the neanderthal caucus because neanderthals are hunter, gathererrers, they are protectors of their family. they are resilient. they are resourceful. they tend to their own. >> i can't believe that joe biden had the nerve to call these great americans neanderthals. but also calling them neanderthals is actually a compliment. so apologize, joe bied en. but also thank you. but how dare you! >> but also you are so sweet. >> resign! my best friend. this is just disgusting, people. not only did joe biden call

republicans the "n" word, but he forced them to acknowledge evolution, that is the worst thing you can do to a republican. and by the way, point me to a single neanderthal that died from covid, huh? guess you aren't so smart now, huh, buddy. and it is bad enough that joe biden is insulting people that don't want to wear masks. but what is even worse is that joe biden is a monster who wants to wear a mask himself. >> why is joe biden still wearing a mask. he's been vaccinatedment like this vir signaling that continues on is just really getting tire sosm. >> you tell him. what kind of sick person goes out of his way to set an example? you never once saw donald trump care about public health. no, he stood shoulder to shoulder with ordinary people and contracted covid because that is leadership, mr. pet. it if that even is your real name. what joe biden doesn't understand is that wearing a mask is a personal decision that everyone should get to make for themselves. except for joe biden who isn't

allowed to wear a mask because it annoys me. but clearly there is something else going on here. joe biden is hiding something under that mask. could it be a hitler mustache? take off your mask, joe, or you are the new hit failing on covid, he's a one-man superspreader for an even worse pandemic, cancel culture. >> president biden didn't even mention dr. seuss in his presidential proclamation honoring reald across america day yesterday. >> the biden white house has erased literally erased dr. seuss from their read across america proclamation this week. >> so dr. seuss' birthday the biden administration is refusing to celebrate. >> bied enadministration canceled the entire, it is like dr. seuss, magic wand, doesn't exist. >> trevor: that's right. joe biden has a magic wand and he used it to erase dr. seuss. he could have been doing something that would actually benefit the country with that

wand. you know like making all the face masks disappear. and how hypocritical is it to tell america that they should be listening to doctors and then literally murder an esteemed medical expert like dr. seuss. look out, america, this is just the beginning of biden's crusade against all doctors. but only the real ones, which i guess means dr. jill biden has nothing to worry about. and by the way, what a sad departure from america's last president. who respected dr. seuss so much that he constantly spoke in made up words. >> anomai circumstances h, a nonamish united states. there is no sugar coating it, this administration is going to the dog. and what is even sadder, is those dogs are ugly as shit. >> oh, i got to show you some nonsense from the white house. they put this out, they've got this pawfice, some sort of cute see account for the dog. did you see the dog?

i want to show you something i noticed. doesn't he look a little-- a little rough. this dog looks like, from i'm sorry from the junk yard. and i love that dog but he looks like he's not been well cared for. >> he looks very dirty and disheveled and very unlike a presidential dog like millie or victory or something else, in the past from the president in the house. >> trevor: yeah, dude, drag that dog. hey, fido, why don't you go fetch a new stylist. >> i mean what the hell has that dog been doing, huh? running around playing? no wonder he looks like that. everyone knows if you want your dog to remain in mint condition you never take it out of the packaging. joe biden has a lot to explain about how he treats that pet. no dog should ever look managier than ted cruz. hell, i will say t i do not like this dog. i do not like it here. or there, i do not like it anywhere. and yeah, that's right, i'm quoting dr. seuss, is that illegal now? well then i will stop because i have got pride. tho those are

the many scandals of conservative media in just the last three weeks, who knows, by this time tomorrow we could find out that biden doesn't empty the crumb tray in his toss toaster or even worse, he sits when he peeses. and when he does we'll thrb to tell you all about it in another episode of joe biden, the worst president in history that we can letter remember. all right, when we come back, we'll look into the history of america's first lady. so stick around.

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social distancing show. when joe biden was inaugurated as president in january, his wife scwil biden became first lady. joining the ranks of such iconic women as michelle obama, barbara bush and ivanka trump. but how did the role of first lady become so important to american government? well in honor of women's history month we decided to find out. in another episode of if you don't know, now i know.

>> the first lady, it's not a scrob that actually is in the constitution but that's just because in 177 women hadn't been invented yet. and even though first lady isn't an official role they have been important figures in the country from the very beginning. >> from the earliest days america's first ladies were referred to as lady presidentist or republican queen the term first lady didn't come into use really until dolly madison died. >> the fourth first lady pioneered the practice of championing social causes. she helped orphan children and supported women's rights. >> and it said that at mrs. madison's funeral president zachary taylor eulogized her as the country's first lady, the first time that title was ever used. >> trevor: that's right. dolly madison was the first first lady. but she didn't know it because president taylor only called her that at her funeral.

if i were dolly madison i would be dead but also i would have been so pissed at zachary taylor because before him people were calling her lady presidentist or republican queen. and those are so much cooler as names, then at her funeral some dude is like no, she was the first lady. if i was her i would be getting out of that casket, what you say, bitch, you call me queen supreme. first lady. >> queen. but while the idea of a first lady has been around from the beginning, the job as we know it today didn't really kick off until the 1930s t is like how for years netflix was a company that sent dvd's in the mail. but that's not what people think of as netflix now. and the first streaming on demand first lady was eleanor roosevelt. >> eleanor roosevelt really innovated the first lady's roll as the public communicator. >> she wrote thousands of

columes, 27 books. she participated in hundreds of radio shows. >> she felt that her roll was too really reach out to the american people, and to learn from them about what they wanted in policy. >> first lady taken to the road and traveled hundreds of thousands of miles. >> going right to the source of the country's pain during the depression, leaving minors in appalachia challenging southern democrats to support anti-lynching legislation, and during world war ii, visiting internment camps where japanese americans were imprisoned simply because of their race. the first lady was often alone at the wheel driving herself cross country. >> now that is balancesy as hell, eleanor roosevelt was so politically active she visited the japanese internment camp that her husband set up. it is so classic for a wife to go around cleaning up her husband's mess.

she was probably at those internment camps saying i i'm sorry, work has been really stressful, he's not normally this way, really, really he isn't. >> and she even took road trips by herself. which was very gutsy in the 19 pos. there was no phone, no gps, you know, although i guess it's hard to get lost when there are only like two roads in the entire country? >> okay, jowng buck, listen up. you want to get from california to the white house, pay attention. you want to turn on-- are you listening? you want to turn on to road what? and road one and then you're going to drive straight on road one and then you will be there. >> and once eleanor roosevelt realized she could use her position to bring attention to the positions that are important to her, every first lady that followed did the same. >> lady bird johnson thought to beautify the nation and took an active role in the head start program for early child

development. >> barbara bush advocating for literacy, as did laura bush. >> in 1962 jackie kennedy o that sis created the white house historical association. >> betty ford was vocal about women's issues. she supported the supreme court's ruling on roe v. wade which made a dorgs legal and she supported the equal rights amendment. she openly discussed her breast cancer and mastectomy. >> when michelle obama was first lady one of her key initiatives was to push for healthier nutrition and food choices. that translated into a change for public school lunches around the country. >> in the 80s nancy reagan appeared in a popular sitcom to boost her just say no campaign. >> i am. >> wow, that is commitment. nancy reagan was so determined to stop the drug abuse, she even went on a sitcom to speak out on it. which would be impossible to do

today. i mean tv shows are so much more adult now. it is easy to tell gary coleman not to do drugs t st a lot harder to do that on euphoria. just say no, zen dia ditch-- bitch, you should have been here season one. >> but it is through that activism that first ladies get to show who they really are and how they want the world to change. you know michelle obama cared about health, milliary clinton cared-- hillary clinton cared about children and education, melania cared about stopping cyberbullies and say what you want, but her agenda got done. and the thing about being a first lady is that they're not just expected to promote social causes, they are also expected to be style influencers. jackie kennedy's hat, nancy reagan red dress, hillary clinton pantsuits or pat nixon's-- but of course all this attention also manies that first ladies get subjected to intense scrutiny by the press. and it is not something that

they've been happy about. to be the first lady may be the most difficult job in washington. >> martha washington famously said the role of first lady can sometimes feel like a state prisoner. >> msh el obama wore a pair of shorts, just a regular pair of mom shorts and an uproar ensued days of video commentary and pictures and debate about whether it is okay for a first lady to wear shorts. >> andrew jackson's wife rachel was blasted in the papers for being a pipe smoking hillbilly from tennessee. >> jackie kennedy called the press harpies and she hated the constant attention. >> felt very uncomfortable, very ill at ease with all the fanfare and attention of the press. >> there was a famous incident where she was doing a kristening of a ship and she went to break the bottle and they forgot to score the bottle ahead of time so she is banging it and banging it and it just won't break.

she was humiliated. she told her husband i'm not doing another public appearance. >> trevor: i honestly feel bad for her because we've all had that moment where we just can't open a jar of me put butter. but imagine if the entire country was watching you struggle with that jar. almost got it, everybody. hold on. try running hot water over it. i tried that already. if you ask me the person to blame is the one who started this whole tradition. who thought it was a good idea to cristen a new ship by smashing it with a champagne bottle. you don't cristen a new car by slashing the tires with a samurai sword. and honestly all the first ladies are in an unfair situation. because none of them asked to be in that position. >> martha washington is right t is sort of like a prison. although it is weird to say you feel like a prisoner when you

own slaves yourself. >> sometimes i just feel like i can't leave, you know what i mean? >> yeah, mrs. massa i think i do. >> but maybe the most fascinating thing about first ladies is that even though no one votes for them and they kind of make up the jb as they go, just by virtue of being married to the president, they can end up having a lot more power than many elected officials. >> the first lady is the most powerful woman in the country because she has the ear, first thing in the morning and last thing at night, of the most powerful man in the country. >> going back to the very firls first lady martha washington and the second one abigail adams, both were politically involved, they were involved in cabinet decisions, they were involved in campaigning. these women were political partners. >> nancy reagan was pulling a lot of the strings calling many of the shots from president ronald reagan's first campaign for the white house back in 1980 to his cold war ending triumph in 1987. >> hill tree clinton became more

involved in policy make thanking any first lady before her. she had an office in the west wing, bill clinton even ran on the slogan buy one get one free. >> in 1919 edith wilson was essentially running the country after her husband woodrow suffered a stroke. >> trevor: that's insane, man, not only have first ladies influenced the president, edith wilson ended up running the government. and by the way that totally screwed the vase president over. i mean like 90% of the vice president's job is being there in case the president goes down. so that is like being tom brady's backup and then he gets hurt but then gisele comes up lake no, no, i got this, get back on the bench, loser, i throw for my husband. so as the biden administration gets under way, history suggests that jill biden will likely be a mainler part of it. because first ladies always have been. and if you don't know, now you know. all right, when we come back the talented michael kiwanuka will join us for a chat an and

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distancing show. earlier today i spoke with critically acclaimed singer/songwriter michael kiwanuka, we talked about his most renal bum which has earned him his first grammy nomination and what the ride has been like to the top. mike il-- michael kiwanuka, welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> thanks for having me, man am i'm happy to be here. >> oh man, ti am a little sad to be talking to you right now because your concert was the last live event that i attended before all of the lockdowns happened. it was at the theater in. will amount of, forgive me, i forget the name.

it was a beautiful, intimate show and i jis remember it being like this transcend ent experience and everyone was yus like feeling-- i was like oh man, we have to do this more often and then the lockdown hit. >> man, that's lame. i had no idea that you were there, that's amazing. that was one of my favorite shows ever. definitely favorite show in los angeles. yeah, man, i mean i can't wait to get back and play music again. >> trevor: what made that show really special for me was you having your family there, you know, it was really cool when you were introducing your family and they became part of the show. what has that journey been like for them? because your family came from uganda then moved to the u.k your dad was out there hustling for your family. and to see the journey and the ride to the place you are now, it must really be insane for them and for yourself. >> yeah, it is amazing. mom text me today she heard a radio here in the u.k., it's on the radio. it is still like-- they just

love it you know. and are vo exit sootd-- excited and obviously growing up playing music, they were always supportive but it was like yeah, coming from uganda it was sort of like a risk to support their son playing the guitar all day. >> right. >> and did you do any school work. mom had to really take a leap of faith to be like okay, we'll support you but make sure you practice and work hard and then it paid off. so i owe so much to them to just being supportive and if was difficult for them. but they enjoy it now. >> i remember being at your show and genuinely, i don't say this to gas you up. it was like you were telling us a story but a story that was happening inside you as a human being, it was very personal. it was very vulnerable at the same time. and then i was shocked to find out that you at a point really struggling with self-doubt, like you were like i can't do this, to the point where it cost you an opportunity to collaborate

with kayne west. tell me a little bit about that and how you managed to work through that. >> yeah, yeah. it was crazy. it was just basically, i-- i just thought i was always trying to fit in. i thought in order to be accepted or sort of succeeding in whatever you are doing with music, you have to fit, and then i thought the same with music. so every time you try to do music that was like what was on the radio or i thought what it was like it sounded awful. it was like i loved this, are people going to understand, are people going to be offended by like what is going to happen, no one will say-- i thought you know, i'm never going to make it and just had all these doubts so i just kept thinking what do you

want me to sound like. >> oh, yeah, right, right. >> so it was just kind of learning, growing up and learning,-- . >> trevor: your third album is entitled kiwanuka. most artists will call their debut album by their name, you know. it was interesting to me that you went with your third album as kiwanuka. >> yeah, yeah, normally your first album is self-titled it was two reasons. are definitely new-- it would be like oh, the third album is what are you trying to say, and at the same time it reflected kind of what i was saying before about sort of lake an inspiration sth is who i am, i

enjoying that and may name was always something that i loved, it carries a lot so it talks about my heritage but also describes that i'm-- it says so much about me without meeting me. >> trevor: right. >> even just the pronunciation, everything, so much. so i thought, and the power behind that name when i was growing up, it is the same wanting to fit in with the music. i wish it was simple but then i got older and now i called the album, that is why i went for it. >> trevor: it feels like your entire journey has been one of i know, i think working through the past as you build your future. you are now on a journey where you have been nominated for a brammee award for best rock album. what is amazing to me is while this is happeningk you are in

the u.k. performing at your hold high school where you performed your first concert. we will be playing one of those performances at the end of the show. i would love to know what that journey is like. i don't know but but when i think about high school and i think about going back, i still think the bullies are going to be waiting there for me and ready to like find me on a corner and i will be like but i'm the host on "the daily show." and they will be like give us your daily show money. what was that like, are you coming like i'm grammy nominated swag or oh boy, it is is michael with the funny last name swag. >> a bit of both. i mean it was-- school for me was interesting because i think i was okay saved by music. i was definitely the kid that had afro hair with flat in the back, i think i had that for a bit and it was weird but then when i had the band and did my music, people looked it, so it

was all right after. so going back to school for me, i felt lucky because music saved me. and that was the place i found it and in that moment, much to my mom sort of dismay, the music will be fn and it worked out. so i thought going back would be full circle. >> trevor: it was the best kind of triumphant return anybody could heap for. i hope the grammys is as triumphant for you, thank you for joining me on the show. i can't wait for you to get back out there playing music and doing what you are doing and the venues you have. >> thank you again so much. >> i appreciate you, have a good one. don't forget michael's album can i wantic-- kiwanuka is available right now. stick around because he is going to be performing an exclusive song right here on the daily social distancing show.

so don't go away.

back to the daily social distancing show, michael kiwanuka's performance is coming up next but first today is the official launch of paramount plus, a streaming service that has everything you ever wanted

including me. yeah, episodes of "the daily show" will be streaming on paramount plus. so now you can watch the show whenever and wherever you are. even in the bathroom. but don't worry, i won't tell. and now here to perform his song rolling from his high school where he had his first muse wall-- musical performance, please welcome michael kiwanuka. ♪ no tears for the young.

♪ a bullet if you run away. ♪ another lost one. ♪ like father like son we pray. ♪ rolling with the times. ♪ don't be late. ♪ rolling with the times. ♪ don't be late. ♪ phantom pain in the your arm. ♪ tryna make a mark and change.

♪ its tearing you apart. ♪ afraid of the darker days. ♪ rolling with the times. ♪ don't be late. ♪ rolling with the times. ♪ don't be late. ♪ don't be late. ♪ don't be late. ♪ stay on down. ♪ don't be late now. ♪ stay on down. ♪ don't you stay, no.

♪ do do do do. ♪ do do do. ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central ♪ i'm goin' down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪