tv The Daily Show With Trevor Noah Comedy Central March 17, 2021 1:16am-2:00am PDT
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number. so this means that users will be able to vet dates with details such as their arrest records or history of violence. background checks will not be free, but match says that it's working on a price that will make it affordable for most users. >> trevor: yes! a tinder background check! this will help people avoid dating criminals, and it will help criminals find other criminals to do crimes with! awwww. you know, if you ask me, it's about time they started this feature. i mean, for one thing, it's way more efficient than what people have to do now to figure out if they're dating a criminal. ( woman at dinner ) "so, are you into wine? like, you know, have you ever made... toilet wine?" and if there are any guys out there going, "wait, i don't want a woman knowing all this stuff about me before we even date!" my man, trust me, they already know way more than a background check will tell them. before a woman goes on a date with you, she and her friends have already scrolled to the
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your instagram, checked out the instagrams of everyone tagged on your instagram so they know you commented on a photo of your prom date, even though she has kids now. and just to be clear, just because someone has a criminal history doesn't mean you shouldn't date them. i'm not saying that. in fact, depending on the crime, it might make them pretty appealing. like, at first you might swipe left on someone who did time for insurance fraud, but 900 horrible dates later, you're going to come back to him like, "you know, insurance fraud is really one of the smart felonies when you think about it." "let's go out for that drink." honestly, i want a background check that will look for other warning signs besides criminal history. you know, like, do they kiss with their eyes open? do they send you memes three weeks after they went viral? are they obsessed with astrology-- or even worse, a capricorn? speaking of people who could use a background check: the catholic church. as an institution, the church
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has been involved in many shady things over the past 2000 years: you know, the crusades, waterboarding babies, that priest who keeps walking into a bar-- that guy has a drinking problem! but now a major catholic order is trying to make good on one mistake from its history. >> as calls for reparations continue to grow across the u.s., catholic priests have vowed to raise $100 million to benefit descendants of enslaved people. leaders in the catholic church acknowledged that the institution was built on the backs of slaves, and they say this is a move towards racial healing. >> it's a way of our asking for forgiveness and making reparations. >> trevor: $100 million! that is huge. do you realize how many pieces of art from the vatican they'll have to sell to raise that much money? like... one. still, this is great news, the catholic church not just recognizing that owning slaves was wrong, but making reparations to the descendants for exploiting their ancestors.
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and i bet it will be a wonderful moment when the church presents those descendants with the reparations. ( priest ) "this money is for owning your great-grandfather." ( black man ) "i thought this was for you guys touching us when we were kids." and i don't know how they plan to give out this money, but in my opinion, i think they should keep it simple. from now on, every collection plate goes directly to a black person and the black person can supervisor that. $2, i saw you parking that range recovery. moving on to news from ireland: the country that ditched the royal family before it was cool. if you've always wanted to visit the emerald isle for st. patrick's day, apparently you're not the only one. >> an arctic walrus was spotted in ireland. experts with the marine conservation society say this young walrus likely fell asleep on an iceberg and woke up miles away. so scientists with the conservation society say it's incredibly unusual to see the
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animals so far south. they say he looks fit and well fed and should be able to make the trip back home. >> trevor: aww, what an adorable story of a walrus that went on a bender, blacked out, and is lying to its family! seriously, though, seeing a walrus this far south is so cute! and the good news is that with climate change, this is going to happen more and more. we're going to get all sorts of arctic animals floating down on melting icebergs: walruses, polar bears, santa's corpse. it's going to be so cool! you know, i bet accidents like this are how so many evolutionary leaps took place. like, have you ever seen a tapir? have you seen that thing. i mean, the only reason those things exist is clearly because at some point in history. an elephant drifted into a family of skunks, and they were all just like, "okay, i guess we're doing this." and despite what everyone else feels, i don't feel bad for this
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valueerous. i feel bad for his walrus friend in the arctic. when he gets back they're going to have to listen to him going, "guinness tastes better in ireland. you have to go. the guinness here is horrible. real guinness, you strnt lived. and by the away, it's irrreland. moving on to our main story: the covid vaccine. it's the reason all your friends have been dressing up as mrs. doubtfire. where do things stand right now with the vaccine rollout? do you know. let's find out in another intallment of "keeping up with corona." the united states is now administering 2.4 million vaccine doses per day, which is amazing. in fact, it's one of the best vaccine rollouts in the world. but there are still concerns that many americans are hesitant about getting the shot, and that's a problem, especially
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because the country will soon be overrun by the u.k. variant, which is infecting thousands of americans a day and taking all their acting roles. so, to stop that variant from taking hold, america needs to vaccinate as many people as quickly as possible, which is why four top americans are trying to convince the rest of the country. >> former presidents barack obama, bill clinton, george w. bush, and jimmy carter have joined together to make sure americans understand the importance of getting the covid vaccine. the ad council put out two new public service announcements-- you see them here-- featuring all of those former presidents and the former first ladies. >> in order to get rid of this pandemic, it is important for our fellow citizens to get vaccinated. >> this vaccine means hope. it will protect you and those you love from this dangerous and deadly disease. >> i'm getting vaccinated because we want this pandemic to end as soon as possible. >> i want to go back to work, and i want to be able to move around. >> trevor: that's right, people, if we all get vaccinated, then
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bill clinton will be free to do whatever he wants, which... wait, is that a good thing? but this is really great to see all these former presidents getting together to help this cause. the truth is, though, people don't always like being told what to do. sometimes you have to be a little more subtle, or do it without them knowing entirely. and when you think about it, ex-presidents should be last in line for the vaccine, because let's be honest, they're the least essential workers. i mefn, what do exex presidents do? all they do now is give speeches to goldman sachs. i'm saying, if george bush gets the vaccine, i better see him delivering my door dash order. now, you probably noticed there was one president who didn't do the p.s.a. donald jaundice trump. and i know normally, donald trump not talking about coronavirus, that would be a blessing. i mean, the ad campaign wouldn't be great if it was like, ( obama ) "that's why everyone needs to get the vaccine." ( trump )
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"or just snort ajax. works just as well. it. so many people." but this just might be the one case where donald trump can really make a good difference, because it turns out the people most reluctant to get the vaccine are also his biggest fans. >> a new cbs news poll finds that a third of republicans say they will not get vaccinated. that's more than democrats and independents. >> dr. anthony fauci urging former president donald trump to persuade more of his followers to get the covid-19 vaccine. >> i think it would make all the difference in the world. he is a very widely popular person among republicans. if he came out and said, "go and get vaccinated. it is really important for your health, the health of your family, and the health of the country," it seems absolutely inevitable that the vast majority of people who are his close followers would listen to him. i just don't get it, chris, why they don't want to get vaccines? >> trevor: what?
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of course they'll listen to him, trump can convince his followers to do anything! the man convinced them to overthrow the government and try to hang mike pence, and that they all looked good in a busted red hat! and i can't say i'm surprised that trump isn't making an effort to get people vaccinated. i mean, the man barely did his job when he had his job. you think he's going to start working now? for free? but the funny thing is that even while trump seems totally uninterested in promoting the vaccine, he's very interested in getting credit for it. >> the former president isn't staying silent, of course. he released a statement about the vaccine: "i hope that everyone remembers when they're getting the covid-19-- often referred to as the china virus vaccine-- that if i wasn't president, you wouldn't be getting that beautiful shot for five years, at best, and probably wouldn't be getting it at all. i hope everyone remembers. you oh, man. this dude, man, he missed twitter so much.
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he used to be in the mix so hard, all the time, now he just issues statements every week like, "does anyone remember me? hello? i was the covfefe guy. we had good times. remember me? covfefe!" and, look, i get where trump's coming from. the vaccines were developed in record time on his watch. you cannot deny that. but that's what makes it so weird that he's not out there promoting it! when tom brady won the super bowl, he went and held the trovey and celebrated with his team. he wasn't like, "i'm going to sneak out the back. don't tell anybody i was here." i don't know why trump isn't promoting the vaccine maybe he doesn't want to help joe biden end the pandemic. maybe he's still trying to unload all that hydroxychloroquine he bought last summer. the question is why are republicans so hesitant to get the vaccine in the first place? well, it might be because their most trusted friends are telling them it can't be trusted. >> there are things we don't
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know about the effects of this vaccine. how necessary is it to take the vaccine? how effective are these drugs? are they safe? is there a study on that? may we see it? and, by the way, how much are the drug companies making off this stuff? >> i'm actually beginning to have doubts. i've been telling my friends i'm going to get the vaccine. half of them agree, and the other half think i'm absolutely nuts. they wouldn't take it in a million years. i don't know who to listen to. >> trevor: yeah, you see, fox news isn't explicitly telling its viewers not to take the vaccine. they're just questioning whether you should, over and over and over again. any you may think that that's irresponsible. my favorite segment on tucker's show is when he fires off a bunch of questions that he could easily google. ( tucker ) "how effective is the vaccine? is the vaccine safe? are there any pizzerias near me? what do child stars look like now?" and, you know, it's especially
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weird to hear people on the news doing this. like how does america still call this the news? you're the one who should be giving people the answers. it's like a math teacher going, "what is multiplication? who invented it? what is it going to be used for? okay, class dismissed." so when it comes to promoting the vaccine, trump has disappeared faster than chris harrison. and tucker is more afraid of cardi's legs spreading than covid spreading. so is there any way to persuade conservatives that this vaccine is good for them? well, i don't know, but there's a new product that's giving it a try. >> tired of liberal snobs and so-called doctors telling you to get vaccinated? then you need gunvaxx. the only vaccine that's only a gun. take out your enemies with one shot, or maybe two shots. three weeks apart. no background check required. this single-barrel beauty's got quick-trigger action to help you wrack up an antibody cam. and it was made right here in
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the u.s.a., thanks to president trump. >> every everybody's complimente saying, "thank you very much." >> you're going to trust science to protect your family? do it yourself with gunvaxx. because while being healthy is for woosies, we do like the part where we get something. gunvaxx, you can pry it from our warm, living hands. >> trevor: all right, when we come back, the brilliant rebecca carroll will be on the show. to talk about what it's like to be adopted by a white family and you're black. you're black. stick aro this beer looks just like... beer. but what if we told you its recipe is over a hundred years old. created in mexico by a german brewmaster.
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daily social distancing show." earlier today, i spoke with rebecca carroll, an award-winning author, podcast host, and black culture critic. we talked about her new memoir in which she examines transracial adoption and forging her own black identity. rebecca carroll, welcome to "the daily social distancing show." >> thank you so much for having me, trevor. >> trevor: it's truly a pleasure to have you here because you are, for so many people, a cultural icon. you know, you're a critic at large. you've interviewed some of the most notable voices and faces in the world today. you've had some of the most
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interesting conversations, not just about life but about race and how it affects everybody's lives. but today, we're having you on the show for a really similar and yet different reason, and that is because you've turned that lens on yourself with one of my favorite memoirs that i've ever read. as somebody who is so used to asking people about their lives, was it easier or harder to ask yourself questions about where you had come from and how you had come to be? >> thank you, trevor, for such a delightful and kind and generous introduction. i am really, really thrilled to be here, and appreciate you so much. so, i thought it would be, given the fact that i had interviewed so many people, i thought oh, yeah, i'll just turn it, as you said, on me and ask myself some questions. turns out that's now hot memoir writing works ( laughing ) neither is it about sort of stringing memories together. it's really a craft. and so that was the thing that i was most concerned with and also the most sort of focused on.
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and i know that the story is interesting, because i lived it. >> trevor: right. >> but the most important thing for me was to figure out the art and the craft of writing this memoir, and i think a lot of things had to happen. i had to get grown. i had to own the experiences, and i also had to make sure that the narrative arc only answered the question of whether what was-- what was mentioned or included survived the white gaze. >> trevor: right, right. >> so there were a lot of experiences, obviously, that i could have included, but that was the process for me of really, like, okay, but does that speak to surviving the white gaze? >> trevor: "surviving the white gaze" such an apt description of what you went through. for twhoz don't know a piece of your story, you were adopted by a white family, raised by this
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family in an all-white family. you didn't see another black person until i think it was the age of 6? yeah, six years old. and you tell these stories. and what's really interesting in the book is how you have your story as a child who is adopted by a white family. and then we learn more of your story, you know, recorrecting with your birth mother, reconnecting with your birth father. we'll talk more about that, but let's start with your family. one of the conversations is should white people be adopting black children? some people say no, never. and others will say would you rather have a child not have parents you know, than to have white parents who maybe aren't, you know, well versed in their cultural existence or how to raise a black child? and you have an interestingly nuanced point of view on this because you lived it. how would you respond to people who say, "should white people adopt black children?" >> so let me preface my answer
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by saying i was very loved, and i believe that transracial adoption can work. what i also think is that it presents a dynamic that mirrors the kind of foundational relationship between black folks and white folks. i am not likening transracial adoption to slavery. i'm saying that the foundational dynamic between black folks and white folks in this country and other countries-- but in this country-- is white people setting the tone, setting the structure, setting the standards, deciding what is valuable, making choices for those who don't have any rights, really. so that's what black kids are in these families. so if white parents adopt black children and they don't make very conscious decisions about incorporating and including, immersing, valuing-- just valuing blackness, then it's
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deeply problematic, right. it's not just one doll. it's not just one poster. it's not just one, you know, mentor. it's really an immersion process that has to happen and that doesn't happen. and so should white parents adopt black children? if they are prepared to raise black children into black adults, then, yes. >> trevor: it seems simple, and yet it's one of the most complicated things to do, especially in a country where race is as fraught as it is in america. because you talk about in the book about how your parents didn't even know how to do your hair, something that seems innocuous. you never think of having to know how to do your child's hair, because it's just hair. and, yet, it is so much more than just being hair. there are parents out there who may say, "look, i don't want my child to be brought up black. why can't they just be railed as a johnson? it doesn't have to be about black or white, rebecca. why can't they just be raised as a family member?
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why do i have to remind them of their blackness? why do i have to exclude them from these things? >> the idea of just being raised a johnson is the notion of racelessness or color blind or post-racial, which is basically the message is i will value you only if i strip you of something that is so critically important to you, right? like, i want you to see that i am black. that's important to me. i don't need you to bring it up in every conversation you know ( laughs ) that's the thing, so many white people say, well, if i'm recognizing your blackness, i'm "otherring" you." no, if you're recognizing my blackness you're recognizing what a phenomenal legacy and culture and people that i come from. >> trevor: you kept your journals. you know, you kept your letters. you kept your memories as they were at the time.
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it really makes the stories come alive, and it makes some of them even more painful. i would love to know how you deal with the paradox at times of talking about racism or talking about the ignorance that some white people will have with regard to dealing with race, then then still explain to people that you have white family who you love and who loved you and who you work with, et cetera. like, how do you deal with explaining that paradox to other people? >> that's a really good question in that, especially with the book coming out and managing stort of the fallout, for lack of a better term, of how my white family has received the book. and, you know, sort of foolishly, maybe, i thought writing this book would be, in some ways, a kind of offering, a kind of gift for them to kind of understand what my experience was like. but i think that they have felt kind of betrayed, almost, that-- or-- or defensive or all of the
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things that white people feel when they are sort of like, "whoa. i didn't realize that i was right in the room when this black person was feeling this." and it just happens that that black person is their sister or their daughter. i have spent a lifetime trying to, you know, be okay with-- with the whiteness of my foundation. and that's why it was so important to me to meet my black birth father and to raise my son, who is mixed, but as a black child, as a black boy. he read your book, by the way, and loved it. >> trevor: thank you. >> he's a teenager. it's not about explaining, i think. it's really about just walking in the identity that i am, right. so surviving the white gaze, it's about surviving but it's also about the coming. even in conversations that i have with my son, you know, it doesn't make my son any less black because his dad is white.
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>> trevor: right. well, i honestly hopes everyone resident the book, and i think for every different reason, for parents with their children-- adopted or not. i think for people struggling with identity, whether they're mixed or not. i think it's a fantastic book, and i thank you for taking the time to join me today on the show. >> trevor, thank you so much for having me. i really, really, appreciate it. >> trevor: thank you very much, rebecca. "surviving the white gaze" is available now, and be sure to check out her forthcoming audible podcast, "billie was a black woman." all right, when we come back, i'll be talking to a rising star i'll be talking to a rising star in the modeling world, [mother] you don't need butter.
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>>hey, thanks martins! yeah, you're welcome. (hands hit desk) where is it? it's on the beach. ocean views. it was supposed to be a surprise. (hands hit desk) she doesn't like surprises dave. thanks, captain obvious. booking a trip can feel dramatic, but with free cancellation you can't go wrong with hotels.com. this beer looks just like... beer. but what if we told you its recipe is over a hundred years old. created in mexico by a german brewmaster. it's not just any beer now, is it? dos equis, a most interesting beer. daily social distancing show." earlier today, i spoke with precious lee, who is the first black curve model to appear in american "vogue" and the first to be featured in the "sports illustrated" swimsuit issue. we talked about her journey, in the passion industry, and what it's like being on the new cover of british "vogue." precious lee, welcome to "the daily social distancing show." >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: it's an absolute pleasure to have you. i'm surprised you have the time to be on my show because you're
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doing everything. i'm going to read just some of the things that you're doing. first african american curve mod toll appear in american "vogue." the first black plus size model to grace the "sports illustrated" swimsuit issue, and last january, you officially became the face of versace, alongside haley bieber and kendall jenner. and your instagram biosays,"make history" which i think means you're the first person with an instagram biois actually accurate. >> thank you, that's so cute. >> trevor: welcome to the show. how is life? what is life for you right now? >> life is fab. i mean, you know, progressive forward with all of the craziness that's happening, the emotional stress has been to literally exist as being black, and then to have the opportunity and so much, like, amazing people to work with and, like, reaching my dreams in the pandemic, in the middle of this
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revolution. it's amazing and general. but this timing, it just makes it so profound. like, everything is, like, amplified. it just means so much to me to be able to thrive in this setting. >> trevor: it almost is paradoxical because, you know, i talk to friends about how everybody during this time has a little bit of guilt if they experience any joy because of the collective state of despair that the world is it. but at the same time i say we need to see that joy so that we can remember joy. i mean, being a black woman, a dark-skinned black woman, who is breaking barriers in the fashion industry-- which for years, let's be honest, has been a very specific type of white-- is an amazing thing for so many people to see. you started off your career going, "i want to be a lawyer. let me dabble in acting." a lot of people laughed at you and said, "you're wasting your time. you're not going to be in modeling. don't dabble. don't waste anything." and yet here you are today. how do you see that journey? >> i mean, it's just such a
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beautiful story that i'm grateful i can tell. i always wanted to live out loud. and me wanting to become an attorney literally was a dream that was created from middle school and from the advocacy and representing native americans against president andrew jackson in a mock trial. i was like this is it. i have to help people. people are treating people like this? no. from me to go from that to really listening to my intuition as well and, like, following, like, my heart, and not just necessarily this plan and if i didn't do that, i wouldn't be sitting here probably talking to you right now. and i'm just so grateful that my story is something that i was the main writer of. i had been manifesting these things and i have been working hard and i haven't allowed anybody to tell me any differently. even when they did, it didn't matter. so to have that tenacity to get to this place now, it just makes my story just more, like, me
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more willing to tell and share because it's not just my journey. it's a journey that could literally empower someone to do something that they're more than capable of doing that they wouldn't have done before. >> trevor: you do that every single time you take a picture, every single time you are put on to a magazine cover, because whether we like to admit it or not, as society, we are shaped by the things that we are seeing, right, whether it's on screen, whether it's on a magazine, whether it's in a film. those are the things that give us an idea of what the world is. and now you are part of the shaping of that world. did you ever take a moment to think about how impactful that would be? or did it hit you out of nowhere? >> well, the advocacy portion of law was what connected me with that. >> trevor: of course. >> and once i learned there was a larger platform, even, for advocacy in fashion, and i could do something that i genuinely love doing, like, i found out who stephen mizelle was-- there
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was a... generator that they used to have, you could make your mood boards and create the photographer and the stylists. so many of the pictures i loved so much, i realized eventually they were all from the same photographer, and they were stephen mizelle, and that's when i locked in and i was like this is the man. it was just something-- integrated my creative instinct as well as my sense, innate sense of advocacy and leadership. >> trevor: right, right, right. >> like, being able to walk down a runway and it not just be just completely about the garment. it's about the moment. it's about what it's creating and, like, creating space by, you know, doing the things that i love is what made me stay. i have a agree in mass media arts. i got signed to a big agency in new york. and i said, you know, what? this is not like me, but i'm going to give it one year. and if it's not epic i'm going to go to law school. and that was a little bit ago, a little couple of years ago. so, you know, for me to be able
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to, like, find new ways of connecting to my career and new ways connecting to fashion, to media, and wanting to transform imagery as not just something on a superficial level for me. psychologically, the children that are watching and ingesting the things that we're putting out, like, to be able to be a part of expanding the mentality and the perception of beauty for so many young kids and just people in general. and, like, men, like, i've had men to come up to me on the street and, like, people come up and say, "thank you for, you know, doing this because my little sister loves you or my daughter loves you." >> trevor: wow. >> and for me, those things are why i've connected myself to this imagery and continue and didn't listen to all of those... telling me everything else that i already knew was ridiculous. >> trevor: now the whack-haters get to see you on the cover of british "vogue" and hopefully on every other major
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publication that comes out. precious, thank you for joining me on the show. i hope to see you again when you get the next cover and the next one and the next one. the april issue of british "vogue" is on newsstands now. all right, we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right quick break, but we'll be right back after this anytime anywhere for less a lot less get our special tv offer a 4-week trial plus postage and a digital scale go to stamps.com/save and never go to the post office again
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tonight. but before we go: it is women's history month, so please consider supporting "black girls code." they're an organization dedicated to leveling the playing field for girls of color in stem. now, by supporting "black girls code," you are helping empower young girls to use technology to change their lives, and all of our lives, for the better. if you can help out, go to the link below to donate what you can. until tomorrow, stay safe out there, wear a mask, and remember: if your tinder date's background comes up clean, they're either an upstanding citizen or a criminal mastermind who's too good to get caught. either way, swipe left. now here it is, your moment of zen. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> in a dimension between left and right, between space lasers and birtherrism, lies a dimension of the imagination. it's an area we call "the marjorie zone." >> don't mess with marjorie
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taylor greenon the house of-- u.s. house of representatives, or in the gym. take a look at this. i've not seen these kinds of pull-ups since the marine corps. >> i'm a big fan of cross fit and participant and used to own a cross fit gym and something i enjoy. >> you want to see something do not exactly full pull-ups, me. this is just from a few minutes ago, actually. you think you're going down all the way, but you really don't go down all the way. >> there's some kicking. i love it! captioning sponsored by comedy central ( male ) since the last "south park", you've waited four long weeks to find out who the father of eric cartman is. now finally, the shocking truth about cartman's lineage will not be seen tonight so that we can bring you the following special presentation. now get ready for canada's hottest action stars, terrance and phillip in the...
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ladies and gentlemen, before you today sits a murderer. on the night in question, this monster entered the home of dr. jeffrey o'dwyer and struck him repeatedly in the head with this hammer. that monster is sitting right over there and his name is terrance ! ( farting ) terrance, you farted in court. yes, phillip, i'm making a case for our defense. all of these things link terrance to the murder. hair fibers, blood samples, nail clippings, a piece of his shirt, a watch with his initials on it. a day planner with the murder scheduled. a haiku called "time to kill dr. jeffrey o'dwyer". "dr. o'dwyer, time to have your head smashed in with my new hammer." terrance, you may be a famous surgeon, but you're not god ! terrance. would you like a "monkey claw", phillip ? yes, please. ( farting )
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( laughing ) that's called the "monkey claw" because it feels like my colon is being ripped apart by a thousand monkeys. the "monkey claw" is smelly. come on, get a move on. i ain't getting any younger up here. my sentiments exactly, your honor. i see from your accent that you're southern canadian. that is correct. good people of the jury, my client, terrance, is an innocent man. ( farting ) you farted during the closing argument ! i have, haven't i, terrance ? ( farting ) ( laughing ) your honor, the defense is trying to make a mockery of this court. they think that farts are funny, but they're not ! sustained. good people of the jury, my client is no more a murderer than you or me. he loves puppies and hates mean things. would a murderer go to the zoo and feed animals like this ? of course not. so in summation, find terrance innocent, or else he'll kill you. ( gasping ) ( laughing ) just kidding. the defense rests. ( farting ) goddamnit, that isn't funny. madame fore-person, have you reached a verdict so we can get the hell out of here ?
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we have, your honor. we have found terrance in the above entitled action of murder against dr. jeffrey o'dwyer-- ( farting ) you're gonna have to repeat that because we had some flatulence issues. i said, we find-- ( farting ) we find terrance-- not guilty ! did you hear that, terrance ? you're not guilty ! you saved me from the gas chamber ! ( laughing ) oh, no ! that sure was fun, phillip. let's go home and eatkroffdinner. here, here. looks like you got away with it, terrance and phillip. oh, hello, scott. no hard feelings, right old pal ? there are hard feelings, this isn't over ! i'm gonna see to it that you both pay for what you've done ! and do you know why ? 'cause you're a dick ? no, because i hate you. you think farting is so funny, well it isn't ! fart jokes are the lowest form of comedy, and if i-- ( farting ) oh, i hate you both ! i've hated you ever since i can remember. i hate you and i wish you both had cancer ! cancer ? yes, in the head. head cancer ? this is not the end, terrance and phillip. you'll rue this day.
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